Chapter 67

Fulfillment

Tonight was the night. John lay in bed as he thought about everything. He wished for some things. He knew to think about it, or to wish for it, wasn't good enough. Several more songs played. He listened to all of them. He was lost deep in thought. He was lost in his thoughts of Cameron. He so much wanted to touch her again and to be with her. They only shared one night together. He wanted more. There were no more nights. There was only 'nothingness'. Cameron gave him one last gift. It was herself. Then she just left. Cameron left him alone. She was gone.

He could better understand the hurt and pain his mother must have felt for YEARS. He needed to apologize to her about all of 'it'. He knew he was rough on his mother about some of her 'endeavors'. The sad part in all of it, was everything she did, she did for him. She needed to 'compromise' herself at times to have a place to hide, or for her to learn new combat and survival skills. It was all to protect him and provide for him. He didn't comprehend his mother's devotion and commitment to the future, and to him. He never really understood it back then. He actually thought it was all quite lame at times.

John shook his head in disgust. He realized most of his disgust, was disgust with himself. So much of what he blamed and projected on others, was really a reflection of him. It was never good to think about. He needed to try to push the past from his mind. The direction he needed to go was forward. He couldn't continue to go backwards. It often seemed to be the direction he was stuck in. Things needed to change.

Then there was tonight. It was all about to come to a head. Things were going to happen. Things were going to change. He didn't know what to expect. He wondered if 'being with' Allison and Vanna would be totally different, or the same. Would each one of them act or respond the same, or be different? He was very apprehensive. He was filled with so much doubt. Only his loneliness was able to overpower all the other emotions and feelings. He wanted to feel alive. He wanted someone to want him. He wanted someone to hold him and touch him. He wanted to be loved. He wanted to love again. He wanted to be loved again. He wanted to share.

Weren't those the things everyone wanted? Wasn't it natural human behavior? He felt he should be able to experience those things like many others did. Was he very much different than anyone else? He never really felt he fit in. He never saw himself as some 'great leader'.

He knew what was going to happen in the darkness. Not only was it the physical darkness of the room, but the darkness which shadowed his heart. The darkness of the loneliness was slowly killing him. Cameron not only terminated herself, she was slowly terminating him as well in her absence.

John really wondered what happened to Cameron. What could have been so catastrophic she was unable to return? He'd been over the same dilemma thousands of times. The answer was always the same. There was no answer. Nothing ever changed. Enough of this, he thought. He wanted to live for tomorrow and stop yearning for yesterday. Yesterday was gone, and so was Cameron. Life needed to move forward not backwards. He was pretty much stuck in reverse, with nowhere to go, if he dwelt on Cameron.

If John was given the choice between Vanna or Allison, he knew he was going to want it to be 'Cameron'. It was a choice which no longer existed. Was it his fault? Was it Future John's fault? If it was, it was still 'his' fault.

There were a lot of things to consider. He wondered how much of the blame belonged to him. Somehow it seemed most of it probably was in some way. He couldn't really explain it. It was just how he felt about everything.

Sarah and Kyle were away from the base. John Henry discreetly implied to them, John would probably want to have some 'alone time' at the base.

"What do you think will happen?" Sarah asked.

Kyle believed the writing was on the wall.

"It will be what everybody knows must happen." Kyle said. "Everyone needs to put their life back in gear. They need to take it out of neutral or reverse. I can't think of two finer individuals to share with our son, than Vanna and Allison. I've known both of them for a very long time. I can tell you they're not like the other people from the future. I like to think Derek and I aren't either. We didn't do the same things the others did."

Sarah was aware of many of the stories from the future. It seemed the more she heard, the worse everything was. She knew every person was responsible for their own actions. It just seemed like the lifestyle was out of control, with no way to fix it. She'd also been keeping an eye on Savannah. She could see, and understood, Savannah's love was so strong. She would do anything for Cameron. It didn't matter what it was. Where Cameron's wedding dress ended up at, wasn't lost on anyone. It was specifically given to Savannah. She believed if John became further 'associated' with Vanna and Allison, it would give Savannah a few more years before she needed to 'step up'.

She didn't want to see John lonely. She already heard about the loneliness Future John experienced. She didn't want the loneliness to start now. Even if Riley was still alive, she would rather see her with John, than have him alone. The whole situation was manufactured by the anti-Metal faction. Even if it was how it started, she believed it developed into more than just a 'job' for Riley. It was clear to her it had for John as well.

Sarah reflected on Kyle's comment.

"I know Vanna and Allison are both 'stand up' Resistance fighters." Sarah said. "I also understand their true calling is to each other. It's something which can never be overlooked or brushed off. I believe it will hold the three of them together more firmly, than either one of them alone. They need to be able to share their love where they want to, with who they want to, and when they want to."

Kyle looked in the rear view mirror. He spotted Jim in an SUV several vehicles behind them. He didn't think it was necessary to have the additional protection, but he understood it. It was something Sarah insisted upon for his protection. It wasn't for her protection. It was for him. Sarah always told him she could never see him 'die' again. It really gave him something to think about.

Right now Sarah and Kyle needed to concentrate on each other. The future would determine what John's fate would be with the girls.

John heard his door open. He was very pleased to hear it. It was the indication a new direction was at hand. Life changing events were about to start. If nothing else, it stopped him from thoughts of what 'used to be'. He glanced at the clock. It was fifteen to eight. They were right on time, if not a tad early. He liked the idea. It showed they wanted to be there with him. The figure was momentary back lit by the hall light as she entered the darkness of his room.

His true inner thoughts and desires briefly push themselves to the front. He faintly whispered to himself….

John switched off the music.

The figure approached in the darkness. There was only a very dim glow of light from the bathroom.

He sat up on his bed and then stood. He knew this was it. His life was about to change forever. There was no turning back once things happened. It was about to happen. It was going to happen right now.

John thought it was Allison. He wanted to make sure it wasn't Vanna. He didn't want to accidentally say the wrong name. He knew it would be a 'mood changer'. He was already afraid he would call her 'Cameron'. He was afraid he would call either one of them 'Cameron'.

He felt a little guilt, but the feeling quickly passed. He was tired of being alone. He was tired of the emptiness. Cameron wanted him to move on. She was the one who set all this in motion. It was what he was about to do. It was time.

She came to him in the darkness.

They embraced for a long moment.

They kissed.

John let his hand run across her body. It slipped inside her pants. There was no scar. It was Allison.

He was still afraid he was going to call her the wrong name. He'd tried to come up with a contingency plan to avoid it. He didn't know how it was going to fly. He laid it out there anyway. He hoped it was the best way not to blow it.

"I'd like to do this silently." John whispered. "Please, for me."

John was really afraid he would say Cameron's name when he was with Allison. He didn't want to do it at all costs. It would hurt Allison deeply. He also asked Vanna to please tell Allison to never ask him how she and Cameron 'compared'. He didn't want to be asked how the 'real thing' compared to 'synthetic'. He felt it was something which should never be discussed. Each person is different. They are how they are. It wasn't a contest. No one could help how they were born, or 'built'. He wasn't sure there would be a 'difference'. It did appear he was about to find out.

He felt Allison take his left hand. He could feel her gently touch his ring. She brought it to her lips and kissed it.

John was happy Allison understood. Allison would know 'Cameron' was with them. It would be the three of them, even if one of them was only a memory.

They slowly undressed each other.

John was somewhat surprised Allison came without her underwear.

They stood naked body, to naked body, as they held, touched, and kissed each other. The kisses were passion filled and seemed to 'say' so much.

Allison moved to the bed. She gently pulled him with her.

John was excited. He hoped he would be able to satisfy Allison. He was afraid, things would happen too quickly. He hadn't 'spilled his seed' recently in anticipation of this night. Maybe he should have. He didn't want things to be over in less than two minutes. He certainly didn't want it to be, 'Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo', either.

Allison seemed to rush the foreplay, she wanted him NOW.

John slid into position. She hungrily guided him. As he made contact, he could think of nothing else in the world….

From the moment his door opened, all John saw was - Cameron. It was what he feared he would do, and it was what he did.

Earlier:

Allison and Vanna were in their room. They tried to think of a fair way to see who would be with John 'first'. They didn't want it to be awkward. They didn't want to 'fight' over it.

They'd flipped a coin. It landed on the ground and spun like a top.

The spinning slowed and finally stopped.

The coin was about to fall over. Their fate would be evident.

How it landed would determine who went to visit John in his room 'first'.

Allison's hand slammed down on the coin before it fell all the way.

"Not this way." Allison said.

Vanna was a little shocked. She'd expected to see who 'won'.

"It's fair to BOTH of us." Vanna said.

Allison wanted to be first. She would try to plead her case to Vanna.

"Vanna, I want to be first. I want John to take me. I don't want to hurt you, but please, let it be me."

Vanna couldn't help but feel a little offended. The coin toss was fair. It was 'chance', which was supposed to determine who went first. Their fate should have been random chance. She wanted to know what Allison's motivation was. It was clearly more than something casual.

"Why?" Vanna asked.

Allison always loved John. She remembered the first time she laid eyes on him. She felt a little awkward explaining it to Vanna.

"I've wanted John from the moment I saw him." Allison said. "Vanna, I love John."

There, she said it. Allison felt relieved. It was out in the open.

Vanna thought her feelings counted as much as Allison's. Did Allison think she felt anything less? This was a big step in their lives and future. She developed her own feelings as well. All the 'pushing' from Cameron seemed to be a contributing factor also.

"Allison, I love him too." Vanna said.

They both felt the other's words.

'Stab' and 'stab' back.

They sat there in silence for a time.

The two long time lovers each 'stabbed' the other's heart with their words. It wasn't intentional. It was more a matter of fact.

Vanna wasn't done playing her cards yet. She was pretty sure if the choice was left to John, it would be her who went first. She was sure John wouldn't want to 'see' Allison as 'Cameron'.

"Maybe we should wait for him to come here. We can then let him 'choose'." Vanna said.

Allison didn't want to hurt Vanna. She was pretty sure John would want to be with her first, but would choose Vanna instead. Somehow it would make everything worse for her if he did. She thought she was justified in her quest.

"Vanna, please, PLEASE, let me be with him first." Allison said.

Vanna was afraid John would love the first one of them he 'touched', more.

"You want him first, because you know he'll love you if you do." Vanna said.

It was what Allison wanted.

"YES!" Allison said.

Vanna wanted love too. She wanted John's love. She didn't think she felt any different than Allison did. How could she?

"I want his love as well." Vanna said.

'Stab' and 'stab' back, again.

Allison didn't think it was complicated.

"John will love the one he's touching." Allison said.

Vanna saw it deeper than what Allison did. Everything which was about to happen, was more than about sex. She knew there was a big distinction between 'being touched' and touching someone else. There was always a difference between giving and receiving. She wanted to make her belief clear to Allison.

"No, John will love the one who is touching him." Vanna said. "There's a difference to it."

Allison knew it put her at a disadvantage. Vanna had a lot more experience than she did, with both females and males, even if her encounters with males were all forced. Over her early years, Vanna learned to do what pleased men, so she wouldn't be killed.

"We both know you can 'touch' better, Vanna." Allison said.

The two beautiful women looked at each other.

Vanna still wanted it to be fair. She felt they both deserved an equal chance.

"It needs to be fair." Vanna said.

Allison took a long look at Vanna. It was clear there was going to be a problem.

Vanna didn't want to yield. She felt she was entitled to equal treatment. It was something she received very little of growing up.

Allison could tell they were both on the road to nowhere.

"Fine!" Allison said somewhat upset.

The girls didn't want to 'fight' over things if possible.

As Allison picked the coin up, she saw Vanna actually won the first toss.

Allison quickly looked at Vanna. She wondered if it was going to become an issue again.

Vanna looked at her, but said nothing.

The coin went back into the air.

Both women looked at each other as the coin flipped.

They each hoped they won the toss.

The coin landed on the floor, spun around several times and fell over.

It was – Allison.

Earlier:

Cameron was able to get the chip set in Unit Three before she collapsed.

A short time later Unit Three booted up.

He saw Cameron lying next to him. Her body quaked uncontrollably. Unit Two was lying on the other side of Cameron. He appeared inoperable.

There was a live electrical wire tangled in Cameron's hair. It was in contact with her scalp. There were chunks of plaster laying about the floor. It appeared the building suffered damage of some type. He didn't know of Cameron's fight with the Terminator with the temporal error. It actually occurred several years ago. It happened when he was deactivated.

The wires were the old fashioned 'bare wires'. They looped from glass terminal, to glass terminal. He picked up the knife and knocked them off of her. Her body stopped quaking. It just lay on the floor unmoving at this point.

He quickly scanned Unit Two and removed his chip from his abdomen, and placed it back in his head after he opened the port.

Unit Two booted up.

Cameron still lay lifeless and unmoving on the floor.

Unit Two scanned Cameron. He could see she was no longer functional.

"She is terminated." Unit Two said. "Cameron is 'dead'."

Later On:

John expended himself three times, one of which, Allison was on top.

He breathed heavily. His heart pounded. Allison was very demanding. She was as 'hungry' as he was. It seemed she never tired out. She could do the same things over and over, non-stop.

Allison started to climb back on top of him.

It was clear she wanted more.

John didn't want to spoil the moment. He felt he needed to say something or there wasn't going to be any fairness at all for the two girls. He wasn't sure what to say, other than to address what else needed to be done.

"Allison, I have to save something for Vanna." John said.

Allison reached over quickly and flipped on the light. She stared at John.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Fulfillment

A path through darkness
Is very hard to follow
Some ruts in the road are deep
While others are shallow

The goal is to obtain
What one does not possess
You need to use some tact
Along with a lot of finesse

Is what you seek
What you truly want
There is much more to sharing
Than the victory of a hunt

So now before you
It what you have sought
To get to this point
What have you shunned and forgot

It is still only a replacement
Maybe you're not so brilliant
There's an unseen cost
To a moment of fulfillment

Nobody