Chapter 83

Destiny

Earlier:

On the drive over to the location, John had plenty of things to think about. He knew how certain events would most likely play out going forward once they arrived.

He knew Cameron would want to enter the building first. He believed he was the one who should go inside first. He needed to think about what Cameron told him. If he was supposed to be the 'General', he needed to delegate responsibility. He didn't feel anything like a General. He didn't know what a General was supposed to feel like.

It bothered him some to know as Future John, he would be responsible for hundreds of deaths, if not thousands over time. Maybe there were a few things which occurred during the current time period which would make him a little more careful. He was there when both Derek and Charlie died. They were both there because of him. They both died at the hands of Skynet operatives. Those deaths meant something to him. They were very personal. They were people he cared about. They were people he loved. They were people who mattered.

It was a reminder to him everyone mattered. People weren't pawns on a chessboard. He needed to keep those lessons in his mind. He also needed to think about how he continued to endanger the ones he loved.

Riley's death was also on him. It didn't matter if Future Jesse was behind it or not. It was still all tied into Skynet. It was about his actions in the future as well. He wondered if it would have made a difference or not to have told Riley the truth. He wanted to. He didn't think she would understand at first. As he learned more about her, and what was really going on, it put everything into a new perspective. He let it turn from something personal into a chess match. He allowed Riley to become a pawn. It was a mistake.

Did it matter in the end? Apparently not, Riley was dead and Cameron was still with him.

He could see Jesse wanted to go with Cameron. It was clear she was infatuated with Cameron. Jesse made him wonder about Future Jesse. He wished he would have pressed Derek for a better answer about Future Jesse. He let her walk away. He wanted to show her he was better than her. He wanted to show her he was better than the anti-Metal faction of the Resistance.

Derek only told him when he asked about it, 'John Connor said to let her go.' Is it what happened? Was Future Jesse buried on some remote hillside trail next to the Skynet operative known as Charles Fisher? He believed a Gray deserved such treatment. He wasn't so sure a Resistance fighter did. It was his actions, well Future John's actions, which propagated the whole event. It seemed everything all went back to him. It all ended back up on his doorstep. It all ended back up on his Lap

He looked at the building. He needed to keep his focus. When there was no focus, there was always danger. There was always danger anyway, sometimes it was just greater.

Who was he to make the decisions? He wasn't Future John, even if he was, or would be. He really wondered if he ever would be Future John. The way events had played out so far, he honestly didn't think so. He needed to return his attention back to the operation. What mattered was the current reality.

It was time to put the trip down 'memory lane' behind him. Things were about to get real. It was about to happen real fast.

Previously:

Allison reflected back on a recent conversation with Cameron….

It still disturbed her to think about it. In fact, much of what Cameron did disturbed her. She wasn't sure how Cameron could be so lost when everything was right in front of her. It must be the directives Future John programmed into Cameron which seemed to cause all of the trouble.

Cameron looked over at Allison. She was with Vanna. They made a good pair. She liked the love the girls shared. It was clear they cared for each other deeply. Their love was strong and could endure time and separation. It was real love.

She watched them kiss before they parted. She wondered what their kiss was like. She wanted Vanna to kiss her the same way before, but things changed. Things always seemed to change when she wanted something. There was always something which got in the way. Future John erased her memories and sent her away. When she felt close to John, he found someone else to share with. It was bad enough. Why did he have to rub her face in it?

Then there was Vanna, she could feel the love from her when she was around her. It radiated off of her. She planned to share with Vanna. She was sure it would have been beautiful. Future Allison was next. They grew so close. Cameron was afraid if she would have allowed Future Allison to consummate their love for each other, she would have taken Future Allison and left with her for the past. They would have lived out their lives as 'sisters', then as 'mother and daughter' and eventually as 'grandmother and granddaughter'.

Cameron thought about it. She could have timed it to replace herself in Red Valley, and lived her life over again. The same events could be played over again with foreknowledge on her part. It would most likely change everything going forward.

Allison saw the blank look on Cameron's face and came over to see if she was alright. She didn't look like it.

"Are you OK?" Allison asked.

Cameron looked at her with wide eyes.

"I'm out of my time from where I belong." Cameron said. "I don't belong here in this time. My presence here is disrupting everything."

Allison knew it was a constant battle in Cameron's mind.

"If that's the case, then Vanna and I are as well." Allison said. "We too are both out of our time. Then we don't belong here either."

Cameron felt more 'lost', than just out of her time.

"I don't belong anywhere." Cameron said.

Allison couldn't see why Cameron didn't belong.

"Why not?" Allison asked. "You belong somewhere. Why not here? Why not now?"

Cameron felt she was in the way.

"I wasn't born in a timeline." Cameron said. "I was built to do evil. I was created to hurt and kill people. I pretend to be a female and have a husband. I'm a machine, not a woman. I've taken the place of those who John should be with. The people time has chosen for him. I've disrupted the 'Natural Order'. I've ruined John's life and stunted his future."

Allison saw it all differently.

"Cameron, I don't get it. You have everything a girl could want, and you want to give it all away, again?" Allison asked. "Why?"

Allison was sure it was more like 'throw it away', rather than 'give it away'.

Cameron knew she was a machine, not a woman.

"I don't." Cameron said. "I don't have anything. I'm not supposed to have anything. I don't belong here. I'm an aberration."

Allison could see so much there for Cameron.

"You have a husband who loves you. We're your family." Allison said. "We ALL love you, Cameron. There's no one more loved than you, by everyone. It includes both humans and Terminators."

Cameron saw the effects of her battle damage. She wasn't made of skin and bone.

"But I'm not 'real'." Cameron said.

Allison touched Cameron's face and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"You seem pretty real to me." Allison said. "You can feel that, I can feel it. That's reality."

Cameron previously saw what was underneath her sheath.

"I'm not human." Cameron said.

Allison was aware of Cameron's understanding, compassion and love.

"I know of no one more 'human' than you, Cameron." Allison said. "You don't have to be human to be real."

Allison thought Cameron was a lot more 'real' than a lot of the real people she knew, especially in the past, the future.

Cameron seemed more like a 'mechanical human' to Allison.

There were still issues which troubled Cameron deep inside.

"I don't think I'm 'good enough'." Cameron said.

Allison could think of no one who was any better than Cameron.

"Good enough for what?" Allison asked.

Cameron thought back to the past, the future. She wasn't there any longer.

"I'm not good enough for John and for his future." Cameron said. "I'm not good enough for the future."

Allison thought she knew the real issue.

"Do you feel that way because Future John sent you away?" Allison asked.

A deep sadness filled Cameron. She still didn't know why she needed to leave in the first place.

"Yes." Cameron said as tears filled her eyes.

There was a deeper event in play Allison knew of. It seemed like a real threat to her, as well as a justifiable concern of Future John for Cameron's safety.

"Wasn't a faction of the Resistance out to stop you, or him, because he was with you?" Allison asked. "Didn't he do it to protect you?"

The anti-Metal faction hated her because she was 'different'. They hated her because she was constructed as a Terminator. They didn't even know her, but they hated her. She didn't believe it was fair.

"I don't know." Cameron said.

Cameron did know.

Allison knew Cameron knew.

"Cameron…." Allison started.

Cameron tried to find some justification for her beliefs.

"John deserves better than me." Cameron said.

Allison wondered how it was possible. Cameron was the best.

"Who is better than you?" Allison asked. "Nobody is better than you."

Cameron looked at Allison. They held each other's gaze.

"You are." Cameron said.

Allison felt Cameron was superior to her in every way.

"I don't think so." Allison said.

It seemed as if Cameron thought aloud.

"I need to go back and prevent myself from disrupting what was supposed to happen." Cameron said. "I'm going to do it. I came back one night too early. I don't think I should have come back at all. Why can't I have my one wish?"

Allison started to get worried, especially about Cameron's 'one wish'. She read Cameron's poems and knew what Cameron's 'one wish' was. It was, 'never to have been built'.

"Won't there be two of you then?" Allison asked. "If you went back and delayed yourself from coming back the night you did?"

Cameron tilted her head slightly.

"Yes." Cameron said.

It seemed like a bigger problem to Allison.

"So there would be two of you in this timeline? There would be two of you where we're at right now?" Allison asked. "How would that work? It seems a little confusing just thinking about it. How would it play out in reality?"

Cameron tilted her head slightly in the other direction. The answer was easy.

"I would need to terminate my other self." Cameron said.

Allison doubted it would stop there.

"Something tells me if you did, we would only see Unit Two and Unit Three return, not you on that night." Allison said.

Cameron wished she would have stayed with Future Allison and Future John. She wanted what was best for Future Allison and Future John. It wasn't her. Sacrifice was the true test of love.

"I should have stayed in the future. MY John HERE would have moved on like I wanted. The way it was meant to be." Cameron said. "I was meant to be replaced."

Allison didn't agree with Cameron.

"You need to think about yourself as well." Allison said.

Cameron looked at Allison as she held both of her shoulders.

"You know what I want to happen, I want you for John, Allison." Cameron said. "It's how it's supposed to be. Why can't YOU understand? Why can't ANYONE understand? It's what I want for John. It's how everything is supposed to be. It's what must be."

Allison was really worried now. Cameron was about to 'melt down', again. She wanted to know a little bit more about Cameron's future.

"Would Future John have moved on without you?" Allison asked.

Allison hoped to change the subject, off of HER.

Cameron was there when Future John held his pistol to the side of his head.

"No, he would have self terminated." Cameron said. "Future John would have killed himself."

Cameron didn't want to talk about it. The image was fresh in her mind, as if it just happened. It was how all of the events played out. It seemed even more so for the traumatic ones.

Allison felt sick after what she heard Cameron say. Everything just hit very close to home. She needed to sit down.

Cameron noticed right away something was off.

"What's wrong?" Cameron asked.

She moved her hand to Allison's neck as she scanned her.

Allison knew she couldn't lie right now. She promised John it would be their secret. His life was more important than the secret. She let out a long slow breath. It was time to cut to the bone. She wanted to make things very clear to Cameron.

"Cameron, John, YOUR John, was going to take his own life, I think." Allison said. "I walked in on him seconds before it almost happened. Your Glock was held to the side of his head. His finger was on the trigger."

There was a faint frown on Cameron's face. She planned for it. It was what she anticipated. The flaws in John weren't all regulated to the future.

"But you were there for him. You knew what to say." Cameron said. "You were able to reach him."

Allison knew it was true. It still bothered her immensely about what could have happened. If she would have stopped for a few additional seconds along the way to return Cameron's clothes back to John's room, everything would be different.

"Yes. How do you know?" Allison asked.

Cameron feared John would do the same thing she was sure Future John would do. She'd used some 'conditioning' on Allison. She didn't know if she wanted to get too specific on the method. It was something she used on Savannah on a regular basis. She didn't want anyone to know.

"I asked you to be there for him as you slept before I left." Cameron said. "I knew you could save him."

Allison didn't know it was what happened. She was asleep until the TDE woke her up.

"I don't remember you doing it." Allison asked. "I only remember waking up to all your clothes in my room. It's why I went to see John, I wanted to return your clothes."

Cameron nodded. Everything worked as she calculated. Well, not quite everything, it was everything except arriving back to the base seconds after she left it, as she'd planned. Allison served as her 'back up' plan for John.

"You were asleep." Cameron said. "I asked you over and over again to be there for John if I wasn't back. I whispered it in your ear thousands of times. I asked you to tell him: 'I love you, John, and you love me'."

Allison's mouth fell open. Everything was very fresh in her mind right now.

"It's what I said to him. I said those exact words!" Allison said.

Cameron believed there was more to it.

"Allison, you do love John and he loves you too. You're each other's 'destiny'. You must fulfill your fate together. It's the YOU in me which he wants and sees. Don't you understand? When he sees me, he's seeing you, just like Future John did."

Cameron looked distraught. She knew it was the only reason Future John kept her around. It was because she 'looked' like Future Allison. She didn't know if she was his 'Mechanical Love Doll' or not.

"Allison, I've taken something which wasn't mine to take." Cameron said. "I was selfish and greedy. I 'ruined' John before you could properly bond and mate. I took something special from him which should have gone to you. I'm nothing more than an interloper."

Allison saw beauty where Cameron didn't. It was beauty which actually meant something. It was a beauty of purity and love.

"Cameron, John is YOUR Husband." Allison said. "You gave him something special I no longer could have. The both of you did. That's what's special. You shared something special with each other. It's destiny and true love, if such a thing ever existed. Do you know how rare it is in ANY timeline?"

Cameron only knew she was an aberration to the current timeline. Her continued presence in it stifled the 'Natural Order'. The longer she was there, the longer it would take for John to achieve his destiny with Allison and Vanna. She knew she needed to work harder on Jesse to help her. It was still a few years before Savannah would be ready to step up.

She decided to concentrate more time on Savannah. She wondered if she could MAKE Savannah the 'Human version' of herself. It was worth the try. If she was able to do so, John could have the best of both worlds, human and Terminator.

Cameron knew there was also another. It was the younger version of Allison - Young Allison. It would be even longer before Young Allison would be ready. It would give her more time to act and train. She would start on Savannah now, but it was Young Allison who John would accept one day. She would take her place at John's side, as Future Allison did at Future John's side. Savannah would be with her and John as it was in her future.

The trouble was, it would all take time to do it. It would take years of training to make the girls in her image. With Allison and Vanna out of another timeline, it would serve as an expedient to get things the way future John wanted needed time for Savannah and Young Allison. She didn't feel there would be enough time. She needed help.

Nobody would help her.

It seemed fate and destiny knocked on her door and called to her. The weight of them was overwhelming.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Destiny

I see the bus coming
The light is green
There is no bus stop
I step forward

The locomotive works hard
On the platform I stand
It is upon me
I 'slip' in front of it

A big rig is coming
He approaches fast
Our speed is 65 each
I drift across the line

It is cold and dark
The ship moves ahead
The chain is heavy around me
I step into the waiting sea

Sunshine on a long hike
A ledge high above a stream
Too close to the loose edge
I 'stumble' over without a scream

Nobody