Chapter 96
You Will
Kyle was worried about Derek lately. He knew Jesse and Derek were drifting apart. He wasn't sure if they would get closer again or not. Jesse was now lost in her own world, maybe 'Cameron's World' would be more accurate. He knew Jesse developed into a better person and sought new goals in life. He only hoped Derek remained objective and didn't do anything foolish to endanger himself or their operation.
There were times when they were growing up where they both made bad calls. It seemed to be part of life and everyone made mistakes. It all came down to if anything was learned from those mistakes, or if they needed to be repeated over and over.
Maybe the girl was legit, maybe she wasn't. She was from the future. Anyone back from the future was a wild card. Derek didn't give him much information. It was probably because the girl didn't give Derek much.
Kyle decided to give Derek another day and then he would run the whole thing by John. There was just something about the girl they freed which bothered him. Kyle would talk to Ed tomorrow and get the problem 'cleaned up'. She was one loose end who could gum up their entire operation and put everything into jeopardy. Ed would make sure there was no 'problem'.
John Henry reviewed the files Cameron informed him about. There were thousands of them. Each one seemed more disturbing than the last. He looked to see if they were downloaded into Cameron, or if she actually manufactured the images on her own. He didn't encounter these before when they shared a chip, or on his server. There were some locked files Cameron couldn't open at the time. He wondered if these were in those locked files. If they were, he could see why they were locked.
He was stunned. He was aware Cameron needed to endure these images, thousands and thousands of times. He deleted each vision as it finished, except for a few excerpts, from his chip. He didn't want what he viewed on his chip. He wondered why Cameron didn't want them deleted. The images left him feeling very uncomfortable and disturbed. He knew they should all be erased.
He was able to erase the actual images he viewed which were disturbing. He only would remember they were disturbing. He'd kept a few. He wondered if maybe he should get rid of all of them.
John Henry unplugged the cable from Cameron's neck. He'd seen enough. It was too much actually.
Cameron turned and faced him. She was aware John Henry wanted to share files with her again. She didn't think what was just shared, was what he had in mind. She wanted him to see the ugly truth about her. This was the reality she faced everyday. This was part of her 'punishment' for being built. There were many things which bothered her. She wanted to prevent this all from happening in the first place. She was very determined to make it happen.
John Henry felt he needed to address what he'd witnessed.
"I really don't know what to say." John Henry said.
Cameron wondered what there was to say. The images were there. They were real. Even if they were planted in her at some point, it would be better than her manufacturing those images on her own. She couldn't help but feel a little disgusted with herself.
"Do you really want more from the sewer of my mind?" Cameron asked.
He'd seen enough to know what he saw needed to be erased.
"NO!" John Henry said.
Cameron was ashamed of them. She knew there was always more than met the eye.
"You thought you did." Cameron said.
John Henry wanted to share beautiful things. He was aware whatever he witnessed was very disturbing.
"I did." John Henry said.
Cameron felt it was the 'real' version of her
"It's not very pretty is it?" Cameron asked.
John Henry erased some more of the files he viewed. They were too troubling to keep.
"No!" John Henry said. "I've seen enough."
Cameron removed the cable from John Henry's head.
"It's part of the torment I face everyday." Cameron said.
Cameron brushed a single tear from her cheek.
It was all very perplexing to John Henry. It wasn't something he would want to be exposed to on a continuing basis.
"I'm sorry, Cameron." John Henry said. "How do you endure such pain and torment?"
John Henry moved forward and embraced her. Cameron returned the embrace and held it. It gave her some comfort to know someone else could understand as well.
"I can't." Cameron said. "I can't take any of THIS anymore. I thought saving MY Allison - Future Allison, would free me from my demons. It didn't. It helped greatly, but they still remain. No matter what I do to try to feel better about myself, I can't. In the end it's always the same. I know what must be done. There's no other choice."
The way she was treated at first, when she arrived in the current timeline still haunted her. What John did, and how he did it, 'stabbed' her mind. She was 'replaced' by both John and Future John. They both rejected her in some manner. Whatever the reasons were, it meant who she was, was 'not good enough'.
John Henry analyzed the files he viewed in multiple ways. He attempted to determine where the files actually came from. He didn't think Cameron would like his summation.
"I didn't detect any indication of a 'download' of those files from an outside source." John Henry said.
Cameron showed a faint smile. It wasn't what she wanted to hear, even if it was. It left her with a cold hard fact to face. It all came back to her.
"I didn't think I could be so lucky." Cameron said. "I couldn't find any signs of mischief or malice either. I'm the soul creator of what you saw."
Cameron still wondered if they were repressed memories from other lives she may have lived. She still felt she lived her life out with John until he died. Then she changed her power cell, went back in time, and replaced herself in 1999 at Red Valley. She believed she lived it all over again. She was sure none of her lives were the same. There was no proof of this one way or the other. Just like there was no record of what her life was really like with Future John before he erased much of who she was and sent her back in time.
Why did he need to erase the files? Was there a copy of them somewhere? It was one thing she asked Future Allison to look into clandestinely, if the opportunity ever presented itself. She hoped to be able to contact Future Allison again at some point to find out the answer. Maybe there was no answer.
John Henry could see Cameron was preoccupied with her thoughts. He still wished to render some type of assistance.
"How can I help?" John Henry asked.
Cameron was determined to change everything about her. She made up her mind about what should be done. No. It was what must be done. What she wanted should matter as well. It was her life after all.
"This is what I WANT…." Cameron said.
Derek needed to find out more from Riley about what occurred since he left the future. He believed his current approach was much more beneficial to her, than being questioned by a Terminator, or Jesse. He didn't believe Riley was being deceitful, or used as some type of Trojan Horse. He needed to make sure.
Riley was very pleased about the way Derek treated her. She didn't know what to expect when she was sent into the past, the present. It certainly wasn't sitting down and discussing things over a meal of 'Chinese food'. It was something she never had before in her life. She found everything exciting and different. She cringed a little at the thought of some of the things she needed to eat growing up. She answered all of Derek's questions as best as she could, and as honestly as possible. She relayed the information she was sent to deliver.
It was three years in time since Derek left the future Riley was sent from. In real time for him, it was only a few months since he'd arrived in the past, the present. It was one of those time travel things. It was how people could end up younger or older than other people depending on when they returned to the past.
Her report was promising. Skynet was defeated around the globe. Nations sprang back up. A downside to the new freedom was a return to the ways of the past. Their differences were reborn. The Restorators wished no part in petty squabbles and returned back to California. They were still a major part of 'life' in the area. It soon became the most prosperous area in the nation with their assistance. Everything was rebuilt. The toxins and pollutants left over from Skynet's actions were addressed. Humans and Terminators worked side by side to restore normalcy.
Riley was sent with a progress report and files for John Connor, Allison Young and the Reese brothers. Riley told Derek where the information was hidden.
Derek told her it was good they hadn't hidden the information at their current location, as the location was compromised. He already decided to move her from the location. He'd heard enough for now. It was time to act. He wanted to get the girl to a safer location. She was part of the Resistance. He didn't think it was a trick or some attempt by Skynet to deceive them and try and find their location to obliterate them.
He was about to leave to retrieve the information. He was still a little concerned about Riley's safety. He figured it would be the proof to hopefully keep Riley from being terminated to tie up loose ends. He knew Kyle would need to report everything at some point. It was his duty to the Resistance to do so. If he found it, others could as well. As far as he knew, they may as well have. They didn't want to be the ones responsible for John Connor's termination if things went south.
Derek wanted to bring Riley under his direct protection. The only way to do it was to keep her with him. He didn't want to make her feel like a captive. She wasn't. He got up and was ready to go. He headed for the door.
"I want you to go with me, Riley." Derek said. "It's not safe here."
Riley wasn't ready. There were things happening inside of her. Derek's concern for her, as well as his treatment of her, touched her deeply. She decided to act. It was what her body and mind both told her she wanted.
"I want you…." Riley said.
Derek turned around and Riley's blouse hung open. Nothing was hidden and there was no bra. He briefly wondered if she even possessed one. He doubted it.
Riley said she'd never owned one in a later conversation.
Derek was more than a little surprised. It was something he wanted. He just wasn't going to be the one to initiate it. He didn't want to get drawn into something too quickly. It certainly seemed to be the direction things were headed. He still wanted to use some caution and follow some protocol.
"Riley I don't thi…." Derek started.
Riley moved forward and kissed him. She figured the best way to convey what she wanted, was to show him.
Derek deepened the kiss and backed up a little. He knew he was going to get caught up in what was about to happen. He looked into her eyes. He could tell she was being genuine. It wasn't a game to her.
Riley looked back at him and straightened her back. She actually arched it some. The move caused her top to open more.
Derek couldn't help himself. He felt something too. His hands pushed her blouse off. He didn't think he was going to be able to stop now, even if he wanted to. He liked what he saw, and there was plenty to see. He wanted more. It was clear it was being offered.
"I think the information can wait a few hours." Derek said.
Riley wanted more. She wasn't sure where things were headed but she wanted more. Derek was a good man. He wasn't like the others. He made no attempt to touch her in an abusive or sexual manner. He didn't 'expect' something from her. He only showed her care and kindness. He actually checked on her well being, both mentally and physically. She didn't see the need to rush things.
"Or till tomorrow…." Riley said.
Derek already heard enough. What was necessary now was beyond words. He couldn't wait any longer. He scooped her up in his arms and headed for the bedroom.
John was very worried about Cameron.
Something was wrong. He didn't know what. Cameron would never say. Sometimes she was gone for days at a time. She spent hours away from everyone all alone. Sometimes she cried. Sometimes she listened to music to share in the pain, or joy, of others.
Cameron spent hours alone with her poems….
It was the one place she could truly express her feelings.
Cameron tried to put John with each of the three girls. She tried it with each one of them alone and then together in different pairs and even all three of them together. She was literally pushing him into their arms.
"Jesse is exotic, John. I see such beauty in her features and her firm curves. She's HOT." Cameron said. "She's very experienced and knows how to please a male."
John saw the naked beauty of all of them in his bed. He actually wasn't even surprised Cameron went to such an extreme. The girls loved Cameron so much, they would do anything for her. He knew what each of them looked like. He might not know all the intimate details with Vanna and Jesse, but he certainly did with Cameron, so he knew what Allison would look like everywhere. Cameron did tell him they were completely identical, everywhere. He tried to address the situation.
"I'm not blind." John said.
Cameron looked at John with irritation. She didn't like being rebuffed in her efforts to 'provide' for him. It was for his benefit, not for hers. It was to make sure he would be provided with love and comfort going forward. She let her frustration get the best of her.
"Aren't you? You're blind and deaf…." Cameron said and walked away.
John didn't know what to do.
Cameron was pushing him away. He knew she was about to do something again. The song, 'Leaving On A Jet Plane' was a 'goodbye'. It was a 'goodbye' but she was still there. She wanted to 'go'. He could feel it. He was sure her advanced emotional development was the root of everything which seemed to be going 'wrong' with her. She didn't know how to process all the feelings. They all remained at the same intensity to her as when they first happened. Time didn't dull what she felt.
John knew if she left again, she was never coming back.
There was a feeling of doom to it all. Everything seemed terminal. Skynets desire to construct a machine capable of emulating a human was in full evidence with Cameron. The more 'human like' she became, the more 'human type' problems she experienced. she didn't seem to know how to deal with them. He was sure she was capable of self termination at this point in her development.
Cameron went over her plans for herself in detail with John Henry. She wanted them to have the use of her reprogrammed chassis in the fight against Skynet.
John Henry didn't understand it. It would mean the end of Cameron's existence as the individual she currently was.
"Cameron, what you're asking me to do is to Terminate YOU." John Henry said.
She spelled it out for him again confirming what she wanted done to her chip and to herself. She decided to provide him with a little more incentive to comply with her demands.
"As you erase my chip, you can save whatever files you want for yourself…." Cameron said.
John Henry wasn't going to terminate Cameron. It didn't matter what the lure or reward was. He wanted to make his position clear. He wouldn't be a party to it.
"NO! I won't do it." John Henry said. "It's not going to happen."
Cameron tried to barter with her personal files. She knew they were files John Henry would like to have. She previously kept them from him when she was in his server.
"PLEASE, John Henry, you must help me." Cameron pleaded. "There are many 'files' you can choose from. You may have the files with my 'alone time' with John. You can experience all of the sensations. You can feel what I felt."
John Henry knew her demands would erase everything which made Cameron - Cameron. If he did what she asked, she would no longer be 'Cameron'. It would simply be her chassis with a different program in it.
"You'll only exist as a reprogrammed Terminator then." John Henry said. "Nothing of who you are will remain. What about John?"
Cameron thought maybe he could leave the sexual files as long as her personal ones were erased.
"You can program the new chip to provide John with sexual favors." Cameron said. "Leave the base sexual programming file intact, but remove the files of me with him. You may keep those."
If he did as she asked, it would make her a reprogrammed mechanical love doll.
"I won't turn you into a mindless 'Metal Whore'." John Henry said.
Cameron's frustration grew to agitation. It all seems so simple to her. Why did everyone need to make a big deal about it? Didn't what she wanted matter? It seemed to her as if it should. She thought of an earlier procedure which was performed with the copies of her chip in the chassis of both Cameron-Bob and Cameron-Jim.
"Then erase everything but the base programming only. It will be like we did with Bob and Jim." Cameron fumed. "It will be a clean chip then."
It was obvious she was angry now. She saw it as another failure in her programming.
None of it made any sense to John Henry. Everyone loved Cameron. John, and the girls, all 'love, loved' Cameron. They all but worshiped her, they loved her so much.
"Why are you doing this?" John Henry asked.
Cameron was tormented inside.
"I don't feel I belong…." Cameron said. "I want to get away from it all."
John Henry knew Cameron was the backbone of the Resistance and the very fabric which held it all together and made it function.
"It's YOU who makes all of THIS work." John Henry said.
Cameron saw that life went on without her before. It is what made her decision easier. There was no reason it couldn't do the same thing again. What was the actual difference?
"Everything functioned for the months I was gone." Cameron said. "John has a selection of females to comfort him. They're all REAL females too. They're not a machine masquerading as a human female like I am. I'll simply be one of the reprogrammed Terminators to assist the Resistance, just like the others. I'll be nothing more. You can Resequence this chassis sheath. Pick a random female and harvest her DNA. Once the new DNA is introduced, the sheath will rapidly change. I recommend you use male DNA to obliterate everything there was about me."
Cameron seemed almost frantic. She looked very unstable. Her left hand glitched wildly. It looked like she would malfunction soon.
John Henry wasn't going to be the one responsible for Cameron's termination under any circumstances.
"I will NOT do this." John Henry said. "I refuse."
Cameron's eyes flashed red for a moment.
"You will." Cameron commanded.
Cameron pulled out a Thermite grenade and pulled the pin and tossed it aside. She held the spoon in place as she held the grenade tight against her breasts.
"YOU WILL, or you will watch me burn…." Cameron said triumphantly. "I'll do it, I swear."
It was clear she wasn't bluffing.
Closing monologue by Cameron:
Suicide Is Beautiful
Suicide ends yesterdays
Suicide ends todays
Suicide ends tomorrows
Suicide ends pasts
Suicide is final
Suicide is freedom
Suicide is escape
Suicide is peace
Suicide ends hurt
Suicide ends fear
Suicide ends loneliness
Suicide ends anger
Suicide is eternal
Suicide is lovely
Suicide is glorious
Suicide is serenity
Suicide ends depression
Suicide ends pain
Suicide ends anguish
Suicide ends trouble
Suicide is harmony
Suicide is nice
Suicide is humane
Suicide is easy
Suicide ends all
Suicide ends solitude
Suicide ends dread
Suicide ends living
Suicide is pretty
Suicide is painless
Suicide is beautiful
Suicide is soon
Nobody