Chapter 118
I Need You
Everything at the Resistance base seemed to be in a loose state of turmoil.
Bob and Jim decided to go out again. They wanted to find the person who was in contact with the future Gray who Cameron terminated.
They visited John Henry in the Command Center.
"Give us a few more leads." Bob said. "If we're working, it will help take our minds off some of the drama going on around here."
Jim couldn't agree more.
"We'll even deal with future Scavengers if you don't have anything else." Jim said.
John Henry was sure things were going to get worse before they got better.
"Maybe I should go with you." John Henry said. "My server can handle any of the information on its own."
Bob and Jim exchanged a quick glance. They could see they weren't the only ones bothered by all the recent events.
"I think we all feel a profound loss." Bob said. "Some things just need to be the way they are."
John Henry knew they needed answers. They needed to deal with the enemy. The enemy wasn't within. The enemy was associated with Skynet.
"I do have a few more things you can check on." John Henry said. "I may be needed here more than in your way out in the field."
Jim wanted to get started.
"Give us a target." Jim said. "We'll deal with it if they're there."
John Henry plugged back into his server. His head immediately tilted slightly to the side.
"The surveillance device you left behind at the storefront office building has just picked up a hit." John Henry said.
Bob was a little disappointed they hadn't remained where they were at. They wanted to say goodbye to River before she left. They did. Some things were more important, even if they weren't. They still were because people mattered.
"Are they still there?" Bob asked.
John Henry looked at the image from the surveillance camera.
"Someone is there." John Henry said. "I don't know who they are, or how they're connected."
Bob and Jim both looked at the monitor of the image the surveillance camera picked up.
"I'm not sure it's who we're looking for." Jim said. "It could be someone who wandered into the building."
Bob knew the rear door wasn't secured when they left, even if it was closed. The lock mechanism on it was broken.
"We'd better take a look at it." Bob said. "We have different ways to persuade people to cooperate."
John Henry was aware the primary one was brute force. It usually resulted in a termination.
"I'll monitor the location while you two head out." John Henry said. "If they use a cell phone, I should be able to track it. So far it appears they're looking for something."
Jim didn't think there was much left to look for.
"Everything was cleared out." Jim said. "It's probably a false lead."
Bob wanted to know more. They needed to find the person.
"Keep us posted if they leave." Bob said. "We're headed there now."
Bob and Jim left the Command Center and headed for the carpool. They got back into the SUV they returned in earlier and took back off. John Henry would keep them updated if anything developed.
Cameron was devastated. She felt like she was just rejected again. It's what it all boiled down to. At least she wasn't replaced this time. The more she thought of it, the more she became worried. Maybe there was a replacement for her in the future, in River's future. She didn't know. They never really talked about it. What was in River's future for River? Maybe there was someone else.
The more Cameron thought about it, the less she wanted to know. River gave her the choice to stay or go. River recommended she stay, so she stayed.
Cameron knew River belonged elsewhere in time. She really wondered if she didn't as well. She felt so out of place where she was. Everything bothered her. Nothing seemed 'right'. She knew it had been a mistake for her to fall in love with Future John and carry the love over to Her John. It was outside her programming parameters. She still wondered if Future John programmed it into her. It made her question her love for either John. It could be what someone entered onto her chip with a keyboard and nothing more.
She tried to think back on what happened and how. Cameron realized it just happened a little at a time until she needed to admit it to herself she was in love.
Cameron gathered herself and sought out John. She hoped it would help to fill the hole in her heart, and the void in her mind. She really didn't think it was going to help at this point. She needed 'more'. She needed something else. She knew what she wanted. She tried to think of a reason not to do it. She would deal with John first, then make a decision. It was time to make a choice. It was what she wanted. It was past time. She knew how to get what she wanted. It was what she'd just given up. There was still a way.
Earlier:
John waited outside of the TDE room for Cameron. He heard the TDE run through its cycle. John Henry left. He was aware River was gone. He wasn't sure if Cameron would go with her or not. He respected her wish to remain outside. He figured she was going to do whatever she wanted to do. He didn't feel it was his place to stop her any longer. He didn't want to be the one responsible for her misery. Well, anymore of it anyway.
He was a little surprised when Cameron exited from the TDE room. Cameron passed by him quickly. She didn't look in his direction. He ran after her. He could tell she was highly upset. He followed along behind her. He didn't say anything at first. He felt they needed to talk about it and address the issues.
John moved up a little closer to Cameron, but not next to her. He was still behind her.
"Can we talk about it?" John asked.
Cameron didn't look back.
"There's nothing to talk about." Cameron said. "What's done is done."
John could tell Cameron wasn't in a good place in her thoughts right now. He didn't want to push the issue too far, even if he did.
Cameron walked to their room.
John thought she would want him to carry her in, but she walked in on her own. She didn't look back at him. He took it as a 'bad' sign.
Cameron sat on the bed.
John sat next to her.
They didn't say anything for a long time.
John was aware he'd almost lost Cameron. He was very troubled by it. He could see how River and Cameron connected and got along. There was a natural pairing and beauty to it. River made Cameron 'happy'. It didn't seem to be something he could nominally do. Lately he seemed to make her unhappy, if anything. He needed to try and reach out. He wasn't ready to throw in the towel.
"Where do we go from here?" John asked.
They sat in silence for a long time before she answered.
"I don't know." Cameron said.
John knew Cameron was a heartbeat away from leaving him. If she would have entered the energy bubble with River, when she would have come out of it on River's ship, he would have been dead for centuries. It was a sobering thought.
He needed to ask. He didn't want to, but he needed to.
"Why didn't you go with her?" John asked.
There was a blank look on Cameron's face. It was like a part of her was gone. It was like something was missing.
"I don't know." Cameron said. "I wanted to."
Cameron really meant it. The brass ring was in her hand. She needed to 'release' it.
John looked at Cameron. It didn't look like there was anything there for him. It looked like her love for him left when River did. He didn't want to lose her.
"Is there any room left for me in your heart, Cameron?" John asked.
The blank look on Cameron's face turned even blanker.
"I don't know." Cameron said. "I just don't know anymore."
Cameron questioned her purpose and function. What were they really? What did Future John send her back in time for? Why did he erase the files of her life with him? She was sure what her main function was to be. She was sent because of her female attributes. She would be able to provide John with sexual comfort whenever he wanted it.
She looked at John. She knew what he wanted. It seemed to be all he wanted. She was sent back to be a sex slave by Future John. Maybe it was time to accept it.
Cameron stood and started to strip off her clothes.
"You can do whatever you want." Cameron said. "Just tell me when you want me. I'll be there. Whatever you want to do, I'll do. I understand my purpose now."
She knew it would please John to offer him her body. No, not her body, he only wanted to use certain parts of it. It actually made it worse.
John didn't like Cameron's attitude and demeanor. He didn't feel the current situation was his fault. He didn't want her to act in the manner she was about to do.
"Cameron, stop." John said. "STOP this."
Cameron removed her pants and top.
"It's what you want." Cameron said.
John didn't want 'it' like this. There was no love or feeling. There was no emotion. It would be raw animal sex.
"NO!" John said.
Cameron removed her bra.
"It's all I'm good for." Cameron said. "Take a good look."
John didn't feel he treated Cameron in such a way. He didn't think he 'used' her. Did he? Maybe he should have made sure she 'finished' more often. He would do the deed, plant his seed, and be off to elsewhere. She was often left high and dry. Well, maybe she wasn't left so dry either. She needed to deal with the mess he left behind.
"Cameron, you know it's not true." John said.
Cameron started to pull her panties down.
"I serve no other purpose here." Cameron said. "My sheath is a receptacle for your pleasure. You may use the orifice of your choice."
Cameron finished stripping. She tossed her panties on top of the pile of her clothes.
She stood naked before John.
"Do as you please." Cameron said. "I'll comply with all your demands."
John could see things were getting away from him.
"Cameron, stop this, now." John said.
Cameron thought this was her only usefulness to John. She was very upset about everything.
"I'll be here twenty-four hours a day like this." Cameron said. "This is my only function from now on."
Cameron lay on the bed.
"Do you want me on my back or my knees?" Cameron asked. "I can be on top if it's what you desire. There are many ways I can serve you."
Cameron turned off the pleasure receptors to certain parts of her sheath. She would no longer try and derive pleasure from John's use of her female attributes.
John just looked at her. What went wrong? How was this happening? He wondered how it all fell apart like this.
He was sure her files were altered or corrupted somehow. Vanna told him Cameron thought she'd time traveled four more times than she should have. It may have been more. She said the files were erased or deleted.
John approached Cameron.
"I don't know what's wrong, Cameron. I love you with all my heart. I always have." John said.
Cameron almost laughed. She knew it wasn't true. Did John already 'forget' about Riley - Future Riley? Would he 'forget' about her with his next conquest? Now, she hoped so.
"I'm used to being 'runner up'." Cameron said. "You're free to do as you please with anyone. I'll be here when no one else is available for your sexual needs."
John became further and further agitated as he dealt with Cameron. He knew he needed to get away from her for a while before things exploded and got worse, fast. He was sure once the name calling and finger pointing started, it would spiral out of control.
"I won't touch you like this. It's you I want, not your body. It's only one way to express and share our love for each other." John said. "You know it is."
Cameron wanted to laugh with disgust. From what she saw with the way he followed Future Riley around. It was clearly for more than just her personality. He wanted her for one thing. It made him look like an even bigger fool since she was sent there to provide him with it. John let the little head do the thinking for the big head. He fell for everything, hook, line, and sinker.
"I don't know anything." Cameron said.
John got up to leave. He needed to try one last thing.
"I love you, Cameron, and you love me." John said.
Cameron remained silent….
The silence said it all. They were finished.
She started blankly at the ceiling.
John left. He couldn't be in there one more second without breaking down. He knew Cameron was lost in a world of hurt currently. Anything he did right now was only going to make it worse. He sought out John Henry.
Cameron watched John leave. Since John didn't seem to want her anymore, she determined she was 'not good enough' for any type of sexual 'function' even. Was she really so terrible?
THAT was it. The final act of 'rejection' was too much. Cameron knew what she was going to do. It was what she wanted to try for so long. River made her want it even more.
It was time.
Cameron knew she could have 'River' the same way the girls could have 'her' as 'Cameron'. There was a way to do it. She could have what she wanted and pretend. It would be so close to the real thing. The thought was so enticing she could almost taste it. It was exactly what she intended to do.
John wanted some advice. He needed some kind of help. He made his way to the Command Center. He was glad to see no one else was around.
"John Henry, what can we do for her?" John asked.
John Henry was aware of the 'conflicts' on Cameron's chip. He wasn't sure if anything could help her.
"I don't know." John Henry said.
John wanted to take a drastic step. Maybe it was time to do what Future John did.
"Can we go through her chip and remove some files to help her?" John asked.
John Henry knew Cameron would be forever altered. He was sure John wouldn't stop until Cameron was nothing more than a mechanical love doll.
"Do you want to 'change' who 'Cameron' is? You will 'make' her a different person." John Henry said. "Would you want it done to you?"
John was aware it was a bad idea, even before he asked the question.
"No." John said.
River previously told John Henry that Cameron could 'fix' herself. Everything she needed to do it with was already on her chip. He would attempt to give John some advice.
"I believe Cameron needs to work through her problems." John Henry said. "She will emerge a stronger 'person' if she does."
John thought about the 'escape' Cameron may choose. He already knew she was close to it several times. He thought about the cheerleader at school. He still blamed Cameron for her death. The fact he wouldn't have been able to get up to the roof in time to prevent her from jumping, was something he never considered. He blamed Cameron for her death anyway. He remembered his mother told him when someone wants to take their own life, there's not a lot others can do to prevent it. Those words seemed to come back to haunt him now.
"And if she decides to self terminate?" John asked. "Then what happens? Do we just sit back and watch?"
John Henry believed in self determination and the right of an individual to choose their own life's path. He believed it applied, even if the path led to termination.
"I've thought about it non-stop since the 'Thermite incident'. Cameron is unique among Terminators. She is unlike any other human or machine. If it's her choice to 'go', then THAT is her choice. It's what she wants. I won't stop her again. I won't be the one responsible for her misery and suffering. It's actually a form of torture if you think about it."
John sighed in resignation. Termination wasn't going to happen on his watch.
"I can't stand by and do nothing if it's the case." John said.
John Henry still felt it was Cameron's 'right'.
"It's her choice." John Henry said.
John believed there was more at 'work' other than just Cameron's desires or choices.
"Sometimes we don't always make the right choice in life. Sometimes we need help. Sometimes it is nice to have help. I don't think all these problems are of her own doing. I think her chip has been corrupted somehow." John said. "I believe there are forces in play which are beyond her control."
John Henry felt it was Cameron's ability to 'evolve' which played a big role.
"Did you factor in the corruption of 'love'? There are the feelings and emotions which are part of it and the sense of loss. I know she's felt these feelings before. She has the same emotions as you do, but they seem to be magnified many times over regular human emotion. Her feelings and emotions seem to keep evolving out of control."
John listened to John Henry. He was even more dissatisfied now than he'd been before. It was a big circle to 'nowhere'.
"So we 'fix' this by doing nothing?" John asked.
John Henry was pleased John finally understood.
"Yes." John Henry said.
John couldn't see how it was the answer. There seemed to be a lot of things he couldn't see right now.
Cameron stared up at the ceiling.
She lay in the bed by herself.
She felt alone.
John didn't seem to want her.
Cameron knew what she wanted.
There was a part of her life she was missing.
Cameron knew she wasn't 'complete'. There were other avenues she wanted to explore. There were things she wanted to know and to share.
There was only one way to find out. It was time.
Life was about choices. She decided to make one. Life moved forwards, not backwards. It was time for her evolution to continue. She figured it would change the direction she'd been headed. So be it. Now it was time to do what she wanted. It was her choice. She wanted her freedom of choice. She didn't want to be trapped in someone else's programming desires. She felt it was something which was 'forced' on her.
Cameron decided to call Allison. It's what she would do. She wanted Allison to come to her. Allison could provide 'comfort' for her. She decided it was what she must do.
She waited after the call was made to Allison and contemplated where she was headed. She decided it was where she wanted to go.
Allison knocked and entered the room.
Cameron lay on the bed covered by the sheet.
Allison wondered if Cameron was – ill.
It was highly unusual to see Cameron in such a manner.
Allison looked at the door as she closed it softly, when she looked back, Cameron lay naked before her.
"I NEED you." Cameron said.
Cameron wanted to see 'Allison'.
All Cameron saw was 'River'….
'I'm A Believer' by 'The Monkees', played in the background.
The lyrics echoed in Cameron's mind.
Closing monologue by Cameron:
My Angel
You are my Angel
The brightness in life
You cut away the darkness
Allure slicing through despair like a knife
Heaven on Earth
Your beauty has been planted
Your sweet smile and lovely charm
Grace to me has been granted
You are my Angel
The brightness in life
The love and joy within you
Emanates deeply full and rife
You can never be a Fallen Angel
You have always magnanimously risen
Your enchanting spell is bewitching
Obliterating my self made prison
You are my Angel
The brightness in life
Chasing the Dark Angels away
Causing THEM worry and much strife
Nobody