Chapter 129

Oh No

Bob wanted to follow up on some leads after the last raid. He was aware Cameron was damaged and wanted to take some of the heat off of her.

Holly asked to accompany him. She wanted to take some of the heat off of Cameron as well.

Neither one of them was sure it was a good idea, but they still wanted to do it anyway.

They traveled to a location one of the Grays contacted with his cell phone.

Holly didn't care for the neighborhood.

"What is this place?" Holly asked

Bob looked the location over. He'd been to similar establishments with Cameron on some of her 'off the books' operations.

"It's a place where illegal narcotics are sold." Bob said. "Nothing good comes out of any of them."

They parked some distance away from the location and were able to view what happened with their zoomed in vision.

It was their hope they would spot another Gray. All of the individuals who arrived appeared to be heavy drug users. Most of them were emaciated. All of them looked sickly.

Holly was a little confused as to the people's behavior.

"Is this part of Skynet's long range plans to terminate humans?" Holly asked.

Bob knew from experience it wasn't. He didn't think it would be an effective strategy because of the time involved to complete the terminations.

"Most of this is what people have done to themselves." Bob said. "Those who survive Judgment Day will most likely become Scavengers."

Holly didn't like Scavengers. She was aware how they abused females in the future. She immediately checked her weapons.

"We need to terminate them now before it happens." Holly said.

Bob believed a large percentage of the population used different types of drugs. One of the most common ones was alcohol.

"We would need to terminate at least one third of the population." Bob said.

Holly thought about Cameron's off the books adventures.

"No wonder Cameron is so busy." Holly said. "There's no shortage of targets."

Bob didn't want her to get the wrong idea about things.

"We're only here to look for more Grays." Bob said. "Most of the people who come to places like this will eventually overdose. They will slowly poison themselves."

Holly still thought it was something they should accelerate.

Bob and Holly watched things for several hours. They didn't spot any of the targets they were looking for. It was time to move on to another location. Their main target was Skynet.

Vanna was very concerned about Cameron. It seemed Cameron pushed herself on some timetable only she seemed to know. They were staying ahead of Skynet, so Judgment Day didn't seem to be too close. She knew it could change at any moment. It was unclear of what else Cameron was after and what the goal was.

She wanted to talk to Allison. They needed to 'do something'. It was time to start listening to Cameron. She wasn't sure what would hurt Cameron worse. It was a 'no win' situation for Cameron. She wondered how to help someone when whatever they do, or don't do, will be toxic for the person. It was evident whatever did do, or didn't do, would hurt Cameron. It more than hurt her. It was tearing her apart, both mentally and physically.

It was quite clear Cameron's mental and emotional reactions could be seen physically through the glitch which appeared in her left hand.

It seemed as if it came down to the lesser of two evils. Vanna knew what Cameron really wanted. It was for Allison to have John's child, and give it to Cameron to raise as her own with John. She knew Jesse or her 'would do' for now with Cameron. It seemed because they failed to 'act' fast enough, Cameron felt she needed to ask Riley to 'help her'. It seemed like a bigger problem to her.

They all knew Cameron attempted to make amends with Riley. Her effort seemed to be working. Everyone knew Riley was in total awe of Cameron now. It happened to everyone who spent time with Cameron. They were able to see how dynamic and amazing she truly was.

Everyone already knew how captivated Savannah was with Cameron. There was no doubt as to the level of love Savannah felt for Cameron. There were a couple of times when everyone else, including her, had given up hope of Cameron's return. Savannah never wavered. Savannah never let anyone forget Cameron's wedding dress hung in her closet.

Vanna knew it was her first, then Allison, then Jesse, and now Riley. They were all totally captivated and in love with Cameron. Sometimes she wondered if all of their love combined matched Savannah's love.

John Henry monitored the security feeds as always. He noticed something was wrong. Cameron, or Allison, was lying on the floor outside of Riley's room. He spotted Allison and Savannah playing with the new items, and stuffed animals, Riley gave to Savannah recently. He knew it must be Cameron. He called for John to meet him in the lab. He hurried to go to where Cameron lay. He could see no reason for her being inactive. There was clearly a problem.

He hurried to reach the location where Cameron was sprawled on the ground at. She looked very 'lifeless'. It hurt him to see her in such a way. He knelt beside her, he could see her beauty. He was appalled by her incapacitation. What was wrong? He scanned her to check to see if her power cell was damaged or may have failed. He knew she received some damage in the last raid. The power supply seemed at one hundred percent for some reason. There seemed to be a high level of internal activity as well. He noted her left hand was clenched into a balled fist.

John Henry knew of the internal demons Cameron faced daily. He briefly reflected on some of their past discussion about everything. She said they were all a part of her and made her who she was. Cameron made it clear she didn't want any files deleted. Cameron said if she ever any removed, she would do it herself. Cameron didn't want to change who she was, or who she became. Cameron always felt bad about herself. She told him she really couldn't understand what anyone else saw in her.

He gently touched Cameron's face. He then scooped her up and hurried to the lab. He carried her in his arms.

John arrived at the lab just behind John Henry. He followed him into the lab. He could see Cameron was incapacitated. He was unsure of what happened.

"What's wrong with her?" John asked as he looked at John Henry and then at Vanna.

Vanna just spotted Cameron in John Henry's arms now. She was at a loss herself as to why.

"I don't know yet." Vanna said. "She just got here."

John wondered where the problem happened. He wondered if Cameron had followed up on the operation from earlier. He wouldn't put it past her to go out on her own.

"Where was she?" John asked. "Was she in combat?"

John Henry didn't know any details.

"I carried her here after I saw her lying on the floor." John Henry said. "She was active, then she wasn't. It's unknown at this time what led up to me finding her."

It sparked a new fear in John. If Cameron started to have a problem with her power cell, it could do major damage to the base if it exploded. It was his primary concern right now. He was aware she sustained damage in the last raid.

"Is her power cell functioning properly?" John asked.

His real unasked question was if the power cell was malfunctioning. He would start with the hopeful part.

What John Henry found so far was perplexing.

"Yes, I've scanned her. It's at one hundred percent. It's like a new power cell. I don't understand how." John Henry said. "It's as if there's been no power usage at all."

John knew Cameron operated a lot on her own. She'd also been to two futures he was aware of. As far as anyone knew, it could have been more. There are several other possibilities as well.

"Did she replace it in the future?" John asked. "Do you think she replaced it with one from one of the other Terminators we disabled?"

John Henry thought he would be privy and aware of any changes Cameron made. He was sure there was a lot of back room activity as far as Cameron was involved.

"I don't think so. I don't know. She never said she did." John Henry said. "She's known for unorthodox actions and activity."

John felt sick. Things just didn't seem right.

With all the things 'happening' to Cameron, John wondered sometimes if 'this Cameron' was really 'his Cameron'. She seemed so different now than she first did in 1999. It was possible she really did evolve. It was also possible this was a different unit which was designed to mimic Cameron. With all the temporal mishaps, it could be some different version of her as well, even if it was her.

John didn't even want to ask it, but he needed to. They needed to know the truth. He needed to know the truth.

"Is this 'My Cameron'? Is it really 'OUR Cameron'?" John asked. "I need to know for sure what we're working with. We all know there could be several different possibilities."

Vanna was a little shocked John would even ask such a question aloud. It may be something they all thought, but no one brought up. Maybe it was something which should have been done. She worked with Cameron's chassis extensively over the time she was at the base. She believed she was aware of a few things which no one else was.

"I think so." Vanna said. "I can 'check'."

John needed to know, even if he was somewhat afraid of the answer. It made him wonder how Vanna could know.

"How do we tell?" John asked. "Do you know how?"

Vanna had been over every square inch of Cameron's sheath, and even done some chassis repair.

"I know how." Vanna said.

John was a little relieved to hear it, but still a little afraid of the answer. It made him wonder what Vanna knew and he didn't.

"How?" John asked. "Tell me."

Vanna was a little uncomfortable at what she needed to look for. She knew it was something special to Cameron.

"It's 'personal'." Vanna said.

Her answer irritated John. Cameron was married to him, not anyone else. He felt he should know things about her which no one else knew.

"Cameron is my wife." John said. "I need to know everything. I'm the one who should know everything."

Vanna felt a little distraught. It was something only she knew about, besides Cameron. It was something special to both of them. She didn't believe it was something Cameron wanted advertised. If she did, she would have already. She didn't.

"It is 'very personal'." Vanna said.

John was angry now because of his frustration. He took it out on Vanna. He wanted to make his dominance clear.

"I've seen every inch of her body, Vanna." John said. "My mouth has been over every inch of her body. I know everything, now spill it."

Vanna didn't want to betray Cameron's trust. She started to cry. It was a 'secret' only Cameron and her shared. She didn't like the pressure John put her under, especially based on the circumstances.

"Please go away and I'll tell you in a few minutes." Vanna said as she sobbed. "It's very 'personal'. You need to respect some things. I don't want to compromise our trust with each other."

John Henry listened to the entire conversation and was as confused as ever. It seemed he knew less now, than when the conversation started.

"I don't understand." John Henry said.

John was still visibly upset. He did regret snapping at Vanna. He could see he hurt her with his anger.

"I don't either." John added. "I don't understand any of this."

Vanna wanted them to back off and give her some space. She believed they should respect Cameron's privacy, even if she was currently incapacitated.

"It's 'very personal' to Cameron." Vanna said.

John tried to think what was 'so personal' to Cameron. He could think of one thing. He thought he was the only one who knew. Maybe Vanna did too. There was only one way to find out. He went ahead and laid out something personal between Cameron and him.

"Is this about the nipple rings she tried for a few weeks? The piercing holes have completely healed since she removed the rings. They were gone in less than a day. There's no scar visible." John said. "It is like they were never there."

Unknown to John, Cameron came across some images on the internet one day. She was intrigued by the location of the jewelry on some of the females. The jewelry wasn't just confined to their earlobes. Some of them actually exhibited some on multiple parts of their body. Many of them were locations which weren't normally viewed by others, unless they were in an intimate setting.

Cameron was very pleased after her right nipple finally regenerated and decided to flaunt her new discovery to John. She was happy she was still 'complete' thanks to the body armor they now wore.

John was very surprised to see her with two medium sized nipple rings. When it was clear to her he liked them, she switched them to a larger diameter, and thicker gauge. It was to make them even more prominent. He wasn't sure why she took them off.

Vanna was intrigued with John's revelation of the nipple rings. It was new information to her.

'What the Hell?' Vanna thought. 'It sounds HOT.'

She pictured Allison adorned in such a manner for a moment before she started to sob again. She needed to deal with the issue at hand. She just wanted a few minutes alone with Cameron.

"PLEASE! It's 'very personal' to Cameron. Please give her some dignity about it and some privacy." Vanna pleaded.

John was irritated again. What did Vanna know he didn't, and how did she know it? Who was she to Cameron over him? It seemed to him there was always something else going on in the sidelines. He didn't want to think about any of his past activities.

"How do you know?" John asked somewhat sarcastically.

Vanna was tired of the abuse and 'accusation'. It was time to give John a dose of the truth and a reality check. None of this was her fault. It was ALL his fault. She was tired and fed up with men pushing her around, STILL.

"I rebuilt her shattered body." Vanna screamed. "The body YOU got all shot up and damaged. The Cameron you 'sacrificed' and abandoned. The shattered wreck you left behind. The Cameron you left for 'dead'."

John looked shocked and then felt a lot of remorse over it. It was true. He'd 'destroyed' Cameron to get his mother out of jail. The image of her shattered lifeless form as he went into the future had forever haunted him. If he hadn't sacrificed Cameron in such an act of stupidity, none of the events which followed would have happened. They at least wouldn't have happened the way they did. He was upset too because he'd been rude and mean to Vanna. He took out his frustrations on her. It was wrong to do.

Who was he to judge other people? Who was he to accuse anyone of anything? What kind of a leader berated those who voluntarily followed him? What kind of a person was he? He owed Vanna a big apology.

"I'm sorry, Vanna." John said. "I'm sorry for all of it and what I said to you."

Vanna didn't want to hurt John. She believed what she said was true. She wasn't looking to pick a fight or make things worse. The issue was Cameron. Cameron was the one who needed help.

"I'm sorry too, John." Vanna said. "Sometimes things just happen differently than we plan."

She knew her words were cruel, but they reflected what happened.

Now John thought about what happened. It was out in the open again.

"NO! It's true. Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I HATE myself for what happened everyday?" John asked. "Everything 'bad' that's happened to Cameron is because of my actions. I KNOW it."

John also understood it was more than just his actions. Some of Cameron's troubles related from his inactions. It seemed as if so many things were a 'no win situation'. He was damned if he did. He was damned if he didn't.

John Henry wanted to defuse the situation if possible. It seemed impossible at this point. Emotions were pushed too far. They were events which wouldn't be forgotten soon by anyone. He didn't like to see Vanna pushed in such a way, or John as angry as he was. It was all over events already done. They should all move on.

He wanted everyone to cool down. He wanted to give Vanna some space. He thought John should respect what Vanna asked for.

"Perhaps we should wait outside for a few minutes, John." John Henry said. "If it's a 'girl' thing, I think Vanna and Cameron deserve some privacy. She wants to help, but she needs to do it in her own way. She's not responsible for any of this."

John looked at the inactive figure of Cameron. Why were there always secrets?

"I don't like it." John said.

Vanna suspected he would like it even less if he saw what she expected to find. It was if it was even there, or if this was really THEIR Cameron. She almost hoped it wasn't for fear of what she expected to see. She knew what she would see in Cameron's 'heart' if it was there. She was sure it wasn't going to be what it was when she saw it previously.

She didn't want to hurt John anymore and he already was suffering. She didn't like having to take the flak for it either.

"All I ask for is two or three minute's time. Maybe less, PLEASE." Vanna said. "It's no big deal, but it's a big deal to Cameron. All girls need a few secrets."

John Henry just wanted things over with. The more time they wasted arguing, the more time they didn't know. The sooner they knew what they were dealing with, the quicker they could move things forward.

"John, please." John Henry said.

He started to lead John outside.

John paused and looked at Vanna and the inactive form of Cameron.

"I'll be back." John said.

John and John Henry left.

Vanna disabled the security feed.

She took a scalpel out and made an incision near the inner base of Cameron's left breast.

'Oh no'. Was all Vanna said to herself.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Worse Than Dead

To no one at all
Do I feel superior
To everyone there is
I only feel inferior

How do you know love
How do you tell
Is there an answer
My mind on this I dwell

I want to give
I want to receive
There has to be
This I truly believe

Too many have hurt me
Too many have used
My mind is clouded
My heart is bruised

I'm on the outside
Always looking in
I believe in the feelings
That come from within

I don't love myself
I don't like myself at all
I just despise and hate myself
I always have awaited the call

In a world without love
There's no reason to live
For one is worse than dead
If they have no one with which to give

Nobody