Chapter 131

Not Ready

Sarah, Kyle and Derek all shared a good time at the airport and museum. The aerial 'drag race' was a hit with everyone. What was almost as good, was both planes came back around again and 'cut the grass'. The P-51 was first. It dropped down in a dive. It did a low altitude high speed flyby.

It seemed to be well over four hundred miles an hour to Derek. If one of the Terminators 'watching' over them was closer, he would have asked them.

Sarah was impressed as much with the sound of the aircraft, and she was with the speed.

"Damn, that was fast." Sarah said.

The F-86 did the same thing about thirty seconds later. It was really moving.

Derek bet it was going over six hundred miles an hour.

Kyle could see it was considerably quicker.

"It was even faster." Kyle said. "I'm impressed with everything we witnessed here today."

Sarah wondered about the speed.

"I think it was just below the speed of sound." Sarah said.

Kyle didn't think the F-86 Sabre was supersonic.

"It can't break the sound barrier in level flight." Kyle said.

Derek knew it could in a dive.

"In 1947, the North American XP-86 broke the sound barrier twice, in a dive, before the Bell X-1 rocket plane did."

Kyle remembered reading about it.

"I thought the X-1 was the first aircraft to go supersonic." Kyle said.

Derek read the reports.

"The X-1 was the first plane to go supersonic in level flight." Derek said. "The XP-86 broke the sound barrier twice before it did, in a dive. It even did it on the same day prior to the X-1 achieving its record."

Kyle thought someone might have got cheated out of the fame owed them.

"I think the record books got it all wrong." Kyle said. "Everyone should know the XP-86 pilot's name."

Derek thought they should know his name for more than one reason.

"We all know the story of the attack at Pearl Harbor." Derek said. "Everyone is familiar with the two P-40 aircraft which were able to take off from an outline field. The pilot of one of those P-40s, was the same pilot who broke the sound barrier twice before the X-1 did, in the XP-86. The tragic part is, he died while testing the F-100 Super Sabre. The plane broke up in flight."

Sarah thought it was a sad story.

"I think the story is very tragic." Sarah said. "Who was the pilot?"

Derek knew the answer.

"It was George Welch." Derek Said. "He never made the claim himself. The sonic boom was clearly heard twenty minutes before the X-1 made its run. He scored sixteen official aerial victories in World War Two and several unofficial kills in Korea."

Sarah thought about it a little more.

"Somehow it makes it even more tragic to be killed on a test flight." Sarah said.

Derek was aware something similar happened to America's top scoring Ace in the Second World War. He was killed while testing the jet powered P-80 Shooting Star.

Kyle was very aware how in the past, the future, someone would do heroic feats on the battlefield, and then some simple accident might kill them later on.

They started towards the car. They heard some of the people with radios say that the planes were coming back together.

They paused and waited a few minutes.

The two planes returned flying side by side at a much more moderated speed so everyone could get a good look at them. They were greeted with waves and cheers from the crowd below.

Someone commented it was the 'sound of Freedom'.

Another person commented it was the best way to turn money into a beautiful sound. His reference was about the cost of the fuel.

They were told by some of those watching, a few additional aircraft were going to take off because of all the people there. They wanted to give them all something extra to see.

They debated if they wanted to return back to the hangar area or remain at the end of the runway. It would put them around more people if they went back to the museum and hangar area.

None of them cared to be in a large crowd. They decided to remain where they were at. They were soon rewarded as two more aircraft lined up on the runway.

It was the Bell P-39 Airacobra they looked at earlier, and the Curtiss P-40 Warhawk they viewed the first time they went there.

Derek was aware of some of the development behind the P-39. The XP-39 was originally fitted with a turbocharger to supplement the single speed supercharger on the Allison engine. The turbocharger was soon dropped from the test aircraft. Turbochargers would be fitted to the majority of P-38 Lightning aircraft, and the P-47 Thunderbolt.

Kyle was pleased to see the Warhawk in flight. He remembered when he spotted it in the past, the future.

"I just have to say how cool the P-40 looks the way it's painted." Kyle said.

Sarah agreed with him. She actually looked at a few pictures of other P-40 aircraft without the fancy paint job. She believed they actually looked quite homely with the giant scoop under the spinner. Once they were painted up with the 'shark's mouth', they looked a lot more impressive. It made her think of the way how 'plain' most females actually looked, until makeup was applied to accentuate some of their features. She believed most females used too much makeup. She didn't have a problem with a little of it, as long as it was tasteful.

They watched the aircraft make a couple of passes. They were both a real crowd pleaser.

It was time for the trio to leave.

Based on their current location, it gave Kyle an idea for something he liked.

Vanna knew she needed to make John understand what the problem was and what was at stake. It was a very serious episode for Cameron. She knew exactly what the problem was. She laid it out for John and what was necessary to 'fix' it.

John felt something needed to be done. He just didn't have a good solution.

"I don't understand it, Vanna. It's an obsession with Cameron. It's an absolute obsession." John said. "It's driving me crazy."

From what she was able to observe, Vanna felt Cameron was already there. Cameron had been able to do what Future John wanted done. Since Terminators were very goal oriented, it was the source of her frustration.

"It has driven her 'crazy', John." Vanna said. "To her it is all about the 'Natural Order'. She sees herself as having disrupted the 'Natural Order' of time."

John frowned.

"I really don't know what to do." John said. "I thought I almost lost her recently, you know."

Vanna did know. Everyone knew. Well, there was one person who didn't. It was Savannah. Savannah was the only one who never gave up hope.

"I really thought she was going to leave with River, John." Vanna said. "Everyone did."

Vanna believed Cameron's inability to 'fix' the 'Natural Order' in their timeline was literally tearing her apart. She was aware if Cameron would have gone with River, it would have 'solved' her problem. When they emerged in River's future timeline, everyone she knew would be dead for hundreds of years.

John didn't know where to go with things. Everything seemed like a no win situation.

"I thought so myself. I think if I would have gone back into the TDE room, she would have stepped into the energy bubble." John said. "I could feel it. I think it's what she wanted me to do, so she would feel justified in doing it. I think it would have been a form of 'payback' for what happened with Riley, the dead one."

Vanna was sure it was only because River 'told' Cameron to stay is why she did.

"River explained to Cameron this was her home and she was needed here with us, with you." Vanna said. "She told Cameron it wasn't her time, 'yet'."

It was the 'yet' part which bothered John. It was also hearing Cameron cry. It bothered him even just to think about it.

"You didn't have to listen to her cry, Vanna." John said. "You don't know how it broke my heart to find her so distraught, day after day. She was shattered. She saw it as River rejecting her. Cameron can't take any more rejection."

Vanna understood Cameron wanted to be anywhere else. It would have been what she wanted to be 'free' in a further future.

"She really believes if she is 'gone', the 'Natural Order' will be restored." Vanna said. "She believes it, John."

John understood how a 'belief' worked.

"When someone believes something, it doesn't matter if it is true or not, they believe it. It becomes true, in their mind." John said. "The belief becomes its own false reality."

Vanna knew what needed to be 'done'. She was ready. She may not have been ready for herself, but she was ready for Cameron.

"The emotional filter River helped Cameron with has done a lot to ease her pain of some of the past events." Vanna said. "It was killing her to feel everything again like it just happened, over and over and over. There was nothing to dull the hurt."

It was obvious to everyone River was a positive influence on Cameron. The problem seemed to be because it was 'too positive' of an influence.

"I know River helped her a lot, she could share Cameron's pain literally." John said. "It bothered Cameron because she couldn't share River's pain equally. I'm pretty sure they'll find a way to interact again, in the present, or the distant future. Somehow I think they will, in the past also."

Vanna noted there were some options available to Cameron. Some of them seemed to revolve around John.

"Her power cell will outlast your lifespan." Vanna said. "Unless she is terminated, she'll be around long after you're gone. That's assuming you live long enough to die of old age."

John could have done without the 'terminated' part of her statement. It was an all too real possibility. The part about him and 'old age' was also troubling. He wondered if any John Connor would 'die of old age'. Somehow it seemed unlikely.

"I'm aware of it." John said.

Vanna was sure John's termination, in any way, would lead to Cameron's termination.

"She couldn't survive without you, John." Vanna said.

She didn't want to say it out loud, but she knew Cameron could leave and be with River if she chose to do so.

John could think of two directions Cameron could go at the point of his demise. One was forward, and the other was backward.

"Well, there's a solution for it then, when the time comes." John said. "She can go into a further future, or the past again."

There was a nagging question in Vanna's mind. It was related to what John just brought up. There was some speculation and possible evidence related to his statement. Even if the evidence was inconclusive, there were still unanswered questions.

"John, what if it already happened?" Vanna asked.

John was confused by Vanna's question. He wanted a better explanation.

"What do you mean?" John asked.

Vanna was aware Cameron thought it already happened.

"What if she already lived with you from now into the future until you died?" Vanna asked. "Cameron thinks she may have already done it, more than once."

John thought of where Cameron could go when he died. It was to be with River.

"She could try to reach River." John said. "She could live out River's lifespan with her."

Vanna saw it for what Cameron thought she may have done.

"What if Cameron went back in time and 'replaced herself,' with herself, in 1999? What if she's done it twice already?" Vanna asked.

The concept was bazaar to John. It was actually a mind trip.

"Do you mean she lived two lifetimes with me, and started over from the 'same spot' each time?" John asked. "Each of those would be a separate timeline at some point. There's no way everything could have happened the same way every time."

Vanna could see the reality if it.

"Yes." Vanna said. "She knows she has time traveled at least four more times than she should have, but she has no files to prove it. I think it may be more times. I believe River knew it and it's why she told Cameron her place was 'here', as she has relived it already, possibly multiple times."

Things all started to 'click' for John. It may not have been an 'obsession' with Cameron after all. It may have been what already happened in one or more alternate futures.

"Does something happen which indicates I need a descendant before Judgment Day?" John asked. "Do you think this is where the obsession comes from?"

Vanna nodded. It was more than likely the root of multiple problems.

"I do." Vanna said.

It was all a mind trip to John.

"It's some pretty 'heavy' thinking." John said.

Vanna decided to tell it as she saw it.

"She wants Allison to have your child." Vanna said. "She'll take me as second place, and Jesse as third place, if she can't get her way."

Vanna didn't even want to think about who the backup for the three of them was. It was Savannah. She didn't want Savannah to need to face the issue of motherhood for a long time yet.

John knew the 'game' was never over for Cameron until she 'won'.

"She only plays to win…." John said. "Her options are somewhat limited."

Vanna decided to leave out the part about how Cameron would go after Savannah next if they failed to act. She was aware of what Savannah 'promised' Cameron. She was well aware of what Cameron MADE Savannah promise.

"It's the problem. She will raise the stakes to achieve her 'goal'. She's going after Riley next." Vanna said. "John, I'm sure it's where she was going when the latest 'event' happened. She was on her way to ask Riley. A few moments before it happened, I told her I couldn't do what she wanted. She BEGGED me not to make her have to ask Riley. She begged me, John. I believe it's why she's shut down. It's too big of an emotional 'conflict' for her. She's gone out of her way to treat Riley nice and make her feel loved. She was found outside Riley's room. I believe she's put herself into a type of 'coma' over this. She's 'retreated' into some kind of a deep maintenance cycle."

John was perplexed. It was like they didn't know more than they did, but they did.

"So what do we do?" John asked.

Vanna looked at John. She looked into his eyes.

"We need to do what she 'wants'…." Vanna said. "If we all really want to 'help' her, it's what is necessary."

John shook his head slightly in resignation. There didn't seem to be a way around it.

"She only plays to win…." John said again.

Vanna was ready to act if there was no other choice. She wanted some feedback from Allison and Jesse. Every option related to the events was a life changer.

"Let me talk with Allison and Jesse." Vanna said. "One of us needs to do it for Cameron. We can't make her ask Riley. I know it is a different Riley, but we can't make her do it anyway. It's 'killing' her. I would rather have Cameron hate me, or even terminate me, and not have her need to ask Riley."

John still didn't like Cameron 'pressuring' someone to 'compromise' themselves for her.

"I don't want to MAKE anyone do anything they don't want to do, or aren't ready to do by their own choice." John said. "I don't want someone forced to act because of 'Cameron's choice'. Even River came to me 'for Cameron'. I knew she didn't want to be there. She wanted to 'help' Cameron. River could feel her pain. She was willing to 'sacrifice' for Cameron."

River's actions proved sacrifice was the true test of love.

John really didn't know what the correct path was.

"When I told River to go, Cameron came in and took her by the hand and walked away without saying a word." John said. "It's when I knew I'd 'lost' her. She looked so devastated and defeated. I only left her with one more option. I really thought she would leave with River because of it. I couldn't go back inside the TDE room to watch her go with River. I know she would have."

John felt if he'd watched Cameron leave with River, he'd witness both of their 'emotional terminations', even if they were both still 'alive'.

They stood in silence. The time grew longer and the silence grew louder.

John could only see a bigger problem at least in the short run, if not the long run on top of it.

"I don't want to do this, Vanna. I know no matter how much Cameron wants this, it's going to hurt her." John said.

Vanna saw it as the lesser of two evils. It all came down to two poor choices. One seemed worse than the other to her.

"Which is better, a 'hurt Cameron' or a 'terminated Cameron'?" Vanna asked.

John lowered his head in resignation. There didn't seem to be a real choice with Vanna's question.

"I would have to say a 'hurt Cameron'." John said.

Vanna reached out and took John's hand. She was ready to step up. She would 'sacrifice' for Cameron.

"I want to do this for Cameron, for you and for myself." Vanna said.

John knew it was a big step. It was a big step for all of them. He just hoped it wasn't a step too far for Cameron.

"As long as it's what you really want, Vanna." John said. "There's no turning back once it's done."

Vanna thought of an 'old saying' but twisted the words some.

"Better 'Bed' than Dead." Vanna said.

A faint smile crossed John's face. He nodded.

"If I didn't feel like throwing up right now, it would be funny." John said.

Vanna looked at the lab door. There were a lot of thoughts in her head. She didn't know what the right answer was. She didn't know if there was a right answer. There sure seem to be a lot of wrong ones.

"Maybe I need to go back and check on her." Vanna said.

John looked at the lab door. He wanted to be there as well.

"I guess we both do." John said. "Nothing gets done thinking about it."

They walked back into the lab together to check on Cameron.

Cameron was still lying there immobile.

Gail made her look peaceful and Tight.

John knew everyone loved Cameron, except Cameron herself.

He really couldn't understand it.

Nobody could.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

I Really Don't Know Why

The words keep coming
I can't make them stop
Why can't it end
Why can't I drop

Through life's daily slog
I now speak like Underdog
Blinded by light that's night
Yet trapped in a fog

This is where they come from
This is how the words flow
The hope and joy that was within
Has again lost its glow

With each new word
I fall deeper and deeper
There's no way out
The path grows slippery and steeper

I keep getting ANGRIER
As each second goes by
People only understand pain
I really don't know why

Nobody