Chapter 132

I'm Ready

John Henry uncovered some additional information related to the previous operation they took down. Bob and Jim we're currently busy at the Resistance base with Cameron in the lab.

Al and Ed would be sent to do a reconnaissance mission. Once they assessed the situation, it would be determined if surveillance, or an attack was necessary.

They both wanted to do more to take some of the heat off of Cameron. All of the Terminators did.

"We need to spread the duty assignments out more equally." Al said.

Ed nodded as he looked at the information from John Henry.

"It's not just about the risk either." Ed said. "Everything takes time. No one should need to rush from assignment to assignment. It's bound to lead to mistakes."

When they were within a quarter mile of the location, they pulled over and parked on a side street. They looked at past satellite images taken during both the day and the night. They wanted to know what was already there. It would make it easier for them to spot something different or new.

"I think we have everything." Al said.

Ed was satisfied as well.

"Let's do a 'drive by' the location and see how things currently are." Ed said.

Al and Ed proceeded to drive by the front of the location. They both looked over everything they could see from the street. It wasn't very much.

"We're going to need to take a closer look from the rear." Al said.

They were both aware the risk level was about to go up.

Vanna thought about what needed to be done on her way to find Allison. She was ready to step up herself, even if Allison wasn't. Cameron needed to be protected. She knew what to do.

Vanna explained everything to Allison. It was what they really both knew all along, and deep down inside. She made it clear one of them needed to act and do it now.

Allison said if it would save Cameron's life she would do it and face any consequences which followed.

They were still both unsure if Cameron would 'snap' their neck and terminate them. They knew what she 'said', but there was no way to know what would really happen. They both agreed Cameron's well being came before their own well being, or their future for that matter.

Vanna wanted to make sure everything was clear to Allison.

"Are you sure, Allison?" Vanna asked.

Allison was beyond thinking about it.

"Yes." Allison replied.

Vanna pointed out it could be complicated.

"It's a lot of responsibility." Vanna said.

Cameron came first to Allison.

"I'm ready." Allison said. "I don't care about the risk to myself. I need to help Cameron."

Vanna already made up her mind to 'step up'. The girls would give each other strength and support.

"I'm ready as well." Vanna said. "I also will face any risk if I can save Cameron."

There was still a third factor to consider.

"What about Jesse?" Allison asked.

Vanna briefly discussed it with Jesse on her way to see Allison. The results were a little cloudy.

"She'll wait to see what 'happens' with us first." Vanna said.

Allison took it to indicate what it sounded like.

"Do you mean she'll wait to see if we're terminated?" Allison asked.

Vanna knew it was part of it. Jesse was troubled by her past on several levels. It was not only what was done to her, but what she did to others as well. It was also because what she did to others at that time was something she enjoyed doing. She took pleasure in other's suffering.

"Maybe, Jesse is afraid she wouldn't make a good mother." Vanna said. "We do need to keep in mind it will be a risk if Cameron goes berserk, on a rampage, or reverts."

Allison knew there were risks with everything. It was a risk to cross a street.

"Cameron may not understand at first or become angry. It could happen." Allison said. "Cameron needs us to act now. The time for us to worry, and be afraid of our shadow, is over. "

"I'm willing to take the risk." Vanna said.

Allison took Vanna's hand.

"I am as well." Allison said.

The long time lovers shared a kiss.

Vanna wanted to make sure what would happen going forward.

"OK, so it will be both of us then." Vanna said.

Allison looked at Vanna and nodded.

"It will be both of us. We're both in the 'window'." Allison said.

There was still another worry for Vanna. It seemed to be a very realistic one to her.

"What happens if Cameron doesn't reactivate, or 'forgets' 'THIS' is what she wanted?" Vanna asked.

Allison figured they would get a real first hand look at motherhood then. They would manage. Everyone else seemed to be able to do it. There was still the possibility of a terminal side to it.

"We'll have a lot of diapers to change for the next few years by ourselves. It will only be IF we're still alive." Allison said. "It's the right thing to do at this time for Cameron."

Allison and Vanna both made promises to Cameron before about it. The fact Cameron MADE them make those promises was irrelevant. It was something they each promised to Cameron on their own.

Now it was time for them to keep those promises.

It was something they both wanted for a long time. Now it was going to happen. John was on board this time.

They decided they would both go to him together. They shared everything. This was no different. What was about to happen should be something beautiful for all of them.

Cameron still lay motionless in the lab.

Two Terminators were always at her side as well as the visiting humans.

Savannah spent the most time there. She liked to go there alone. Well, the Terminators were still there, but they gave her total privacy with Cameron. Sarah was there with her now.

"Cammy, I want you to wake up. I miss you. I want you to help me study and play with me." Savannah said. "Cammy, you always come back, I know it. Please come back now."

Sarah was touched by Savannah's genuine concern and love.

"She will when she gets better, sweetie." Sarah said as she touched Cameron's cheek. "John needs you, Cameron, I need you, we all need you."

Savannah saw it as a little more definitive. She wanted to make it clear.

"Cameron is invincible." Savannah said. "Cameron is eternal."

Sarah could see Savannah truly believed it. She got up to leave. She saw Savannah wasn't done yet and wanted a moment of 'alone time' with Cameron. She left.

Savannah looked around. She indicated for the two Terminators to shut down their hearing for a few seconds and look away.

They both compiled without hesitation.

Savannah placed her lips against Cameron's ear.

"I promise, Cammy. I promise. I'll do everything I promised as soon as I can. I'll do it for you. I love you." Savannah said. "You need to get better for all of us."

Savannah gave Cameron a soft kiss on her cheek. She nodded at the Terminators and left.

"I'll be back." Savannah said as the door closed.

The two Terminators looked at each other.

"She is very determined." Gail said. "I admire her qualities."

Bob nodded.

"She believes in Cameron." Bob said.

Gail tilted her head slightly.

"There is a difference between a belief and a fact." Gail said. "A belief is nothing more than a state of mind which exists within someone's head."

Bob looked at Cameron.

"Is it?" Bob asked. "Sometimes a belief is very real."

Gail could see Cameron was right there.

"Savannah was always right about Cameron." Gail said. "We all believed Cameron was terminated on more than one occasion. We were wrong. Savannah was correct."

Bob operated under the same assumption as well.

"Sometimes the facts and reality aren't necessarily the case." Bob said. "Much of what we know as science has needed to be corrected over the years. Many things which were a belief by a group of scientists turned out to be wrong."

Gail was aware of another human concept.

"I've looked into human intuition." Gail said. "There seems to be cases when it is evident. I think it's only a coincidence, even if it doesn't appear it is."

Bob looked towards the door of the lab.

"There are others about to arrive." Bob said.

The two Terminators planned to watch how the next human, or humans, would react in the presence of Cameron during her current state of incapacitation. Much of what they did was the same. They all did some things differently as well.

Jesse as on her way to the lab. She reflected on her earlier conversation with Vanna.

There was a very serious look on Vanna's face as she approached

"I'm going to help Cameron." Vanna said.

Jesse thought they helped Cameron all the time.

"What can I do to assist?" Jesse asked.

Vanna exhaled slightly.

"You can get pregnant." Vanna said.

Jesse thought she was joking at first. It was clear she wasn't.

"You're serious." Jesse said.

Vanna chose her words carefully.

"I'm dead serious." Vanna said.

Jesse could see she was. Based upon what Vanna indicated, the 'dead' part might be real as well.

"Are you sure it's the right move?" Jesse asked.

Vanna frowned slightly.

"No." Vanna said. "I'm not. It's a move. I need to try something different to help Cameron."

Jesse was more than a little concerned.

"You might end up making things worse, especially for yourself." Jesse said.

Vanna wanted to help Cameron.

"Nevertheless, it's what I'm going to try." Vanna said. "The cards will land where they fall."

Jesse didn't want to create any bigger issues.

"I'm not ready for such a step yet." Jesse said. "I need to get my life a little better under control before I create a new one. There are still a lot of issues in my past I need to deal with and resolve. I'm having a lot of trouble with some of them."

Vanna nodded. She was well aware the past seemed able to haunt everyone at times. She was no exception.

"I need to find Allison." Vanna said.

Jesse watched Vanna go. She wasn't sure Vanna's move was the right one. There were other things Cameron wanted done as well. She would try to do one of those. She decided to go see Cameron in the lab.

She was a little surprised to spot Riley along the way. She again went over what Cameron mentioned. There were other ways to protect Cameron as well. It was time to act.

Jesse came into the lab followed by Riley. It was time for both of them to check on Cameron again. She often came alone. She spent hours holding Cameron's hand and just sitting with her. Sometimes she talked about her past. She was very ashamed of it at this point. It included what was done to her, and what she'd done to others.

"Oh, love." Jesse said.

Jesse gently touched Cameron's face.

Riley could see it was a loving touch. It was her first time to visit Cameron since she'd recovered from her injuries. She wasn't sure what would happen.

"Hello, Cameron." Riley said. "Can she hear us?"

Jesse's eyes filled with tears.

"I hope so." Jesse said.

Riley could see Jesse was in deep, real deep.

"Do you love her?" Riley asked.

A faint smile crossed Jesse's face.

"Yes." Jesse said without hesitation.

Riley nodded. She could understand it.

"I guess everyone does." Riley said. "I do too."

Jesse looked at Riley. She was a little surprised at her statement, but they all knew it happens. They could see Riley falling in love with Cameron. It was the same thing which happened to all of them. It happened to everyone who was around Cameron for any length of time.

"Cameron is like no other." Jesse said.

Riley could see the love on Jesse's face.

"Do you love – love her?" Riley asked.

The faint smile on Jesse's face broadened.

"Yes." Jesse said. "Yes, I do."

Riley nodded.

"I think a lot of people do." Riley said.

The love flowed with Jesse's statement.

"I would choose her for my life partner in an instant." Jesse said. "She treats me with respect and dignity. She was the first person who I felt cared about me, because it was 'me'."

Riley could identify with her analysis.

"I feel the same way about it also, Jesse." Riley said. "Cameron was able to see deeper into me, and find 'me' in there."

Jesse quickly glanced at Riley, but looked away as she spoke.

"River told me of Cameron's pain, Riley." Jesse said. "They didn't care about her at all. She told me about how Cameron was mistreated, and what some 'things' did to her inside."

Riley felt the 'Scarlet Letter' on her again. She felt she needed to say something. She didn't like the association.

"It wasn't MY fault." Riley said. "It wasn't ME. Do you know how bad I feel about THAT? I didn't even do it 'MYSELF', and I feel guilty about it."

Riley felt ashamed about what Future Riley did.

Jesse felt the shame too, for what Future Jesse did.

"It was just as much 'my' fault in that timeline. No, it was worse. I orchestrated it." Jesse said. "It disturbs me so."

Jesse looked at Riley with determination. There was something she wanted to make clear about what she planned to do. It wasn't really a confession. It was more about her resolve.

"When we tried to go into Cameron's future to prevent Allison from being captured, I was going to kill you, Riley. I was going to track you down and kill you. That's if it was even the same future." Jesse said as she looked directly at Riley. "Don't look so surprised, love. I was also going to kill 'myself' in the same timeline for hurting Cameron as well. I was going to kill both of 'us'. I would have killed both our other future selves."

Jesse wondered what the look on Future Jesse's face would be when she confronted her. She would probably think it was a Terminator at first. The fact she held a knife should quickly indicate she wasn't a Terminator. She was another human. Future Jesse wouldn't understand there were multiple timelines. She would die with a look of confusion and surprise on her face. It would be like committing 'suicide', well, sort of.

Riley wondered about the timeline and how it would be affected. Jesse would be able to prevent some events from occurring. It would need to change things going forward.

"Then what would happen?" Riley asked. "Would you take Future Jesse's place?"

Jesse knew it would end in her death sooner or later. It was probably going to be sooner.

"It wouldn't matter then what I did, or what happened to me. I would have tried to die in combat fighting Skynet." Jesse said. "If Cameron was terminated, or made us deactivate her, which is what she wanted, there would be no point to live without her."

Riley was confused as to why Cameron allowed the relationship to develop between John and Future Riley in the first place. She remembered how Cameron dealt with the rogue surfers. It was clear she could have 'stopped' it in a second.

"Why didn't she kill the other 'me', Her Riley?" Riley asked.

Riley was aware Cameron still could kill her.

"She didn't kill Future Riley because she loves John." Jesse said.

It didn't make a lot of sense.

"It seems even the more reason to kill 'me', I mean 'her', Future Riley." Riley said.

Jesse could picture the internal conflict of watching the one you love choose another, right in front of you. To need to look at it over and over, right in front of her face must have been torture.

"She loved John too much to hurt him. She chose termination rather than hurt you, Future Riley or John." Jesse said. "She let John choose. She gave him the choice."

Riley understood Cameron sacrificed.

"Sacrifice is the true test of love." Riley said. "I can see it really is."

Jesse knew Cameron put John first.

"Cameron wanted John to be 'happy'." Jesse said. "She let him have what he wanted."

Riley thought about her spats with Derek.

"It sounds very hurtful and traumatic." Riley said.

Jesse knew there was a way to experience Cameron's trauma. It was a way for Cameron's thoughts to be implanted in one's mind. It was like a direct connection.

"There are hundreds of poems in her Poem Book about it." Jesse said. "It's all there in black and white. They are all fragments of how Cameron felt, and still feels."

Riley read Cameron's poems with her permission. John previously read them to her before, but she wanted to read them herself. It allowed her to see the depth of Cameron's feelings. It also allowed her to react a little more emotionally to them when she was by herself.

"I've read them. They fill in a lot of blanks into her 'feelings'." Riley said. "I think she feels things even more intense than we do."

Jesse was aware how truly painful it must be.

"It's because every time she feels something, or thinks about it, it's as if the event just occurred." Jesse said. "Time can't dull her pain like it does for us."

Riley thought of her abuse and mistreatment at the hands of others. They still 'hurt' to think about, but the same emotional trauma was no longer there. The bottom line was it hurt, it just didn't hurt as much.

"With some of the things which have happened to me, it would drive me insane if I needed to relive them again and again, one after another, at full intensity, like they just happened." Riley said. "It was bad enough the first time any of those things happened."

Riley and Jesse both thought of their times in the 'hands' of others, and the beatings and pain associated with them.

"For all of us, love, it would drive all of us insane. I would kill myself if I needed to relive my life as if each event just occurred, over and over." Jesse said. "Sometimes it's a wonder she can function at all. I know I couldn't. I can truly understand when she talks about 'freedom' and 'escape'. There's really only one way to achieve those things as she indicated."

Kyle and Derek came into the room.

Jesse bent and kissed Cameron's cheek.

Riley reached out and touched Cameron's other cheek.

Jesse and Riley left.

Riley and Jesse exchanged a few quick glances on their way back to Riley's room. They'd just shared some 'closeness' on a personal level.

Jesse and Riley arrived at Riley's door.

"Let me help you with your dressing, love." Jesse said. "I see a little blood has seeped through."

Jesse cared for Riley through her recovery after her injuries. She'd seen plenty of Riley's body as she tended her. She liked what she saw but she never exploited it. It would have been something she wouldn't have hesitated to do before. She would have taken advantage of someone in such a situation. She was different now. Cameron helped transform her.

Both women felt sad and lonely right now. Both of them could feel the hurt inside. The two women needed comfort. They both knew it and 'felt it'. They both understood their need and desire.

Jesse was hesitant to 'cross the line' and try to hit on Riley before. She didn't want to anger or upset Cameron. She never discussed it with Cameron. She was surprised when Cameron mentioned sometimes Riley would need a 'friend' to help her get through things. Cameron reminded her sometimes it was nice to have help. Cameron told her she could be Riley's 'friend' if she wanted to be. At that point, Cameron kissed her cheek and told her she liked it when everyone was happy.

Now Jesse and Riley were at a crossroad. They both knew everything which would follow if they didn't back away now. Neither of them wanted to back away. They both needed more right now. They needed the comfort of each other.

Their eyes met and held. They both wanted it, it was time.

Jesse angled her head slightly as their eyes locked.

Riley moved forward and their lips met….

'I Love Rock N' Roll' by 'Joan Jett', played in the background.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

I'm Ready

We can see all the others
They act in mass as a group
Is that what we really want
How far or low will we stoop

We can watch from the sidelines
Or jump in and join the game
Will fingers be pointed in blame
Perhaps we will be left in shame

If there is no start
Then there can't be a finish
Acts other than to aid
Only seem to diminish

Do we step up when called
Or do we retreat and fallback
Will we paint the world red or black
As we fend off any unjust attack

The flow of life is like an eddy
The current is strong and steady
Others have acted already
Now it's my time and I'm ready

Nobody