Chapter 145

Understand

John was very disturbed by Cameron saying she wanted a divorce. He wanted to try and clear things up.

"Cameron, I don't understand ANY of this." John said.

It seemed very clear to Cameron. She rechecked her wording. It was all correct.

"I want a divorce." Cameron said. "What's there not to understand? It means exactly what it says."

It didn't make any sense to John. He wasn't going to go along with it. He remembered his mother's words about sometimes needing to let someone go. It wasn't something he was willing to do. He believed it would only end badly for Cameron if he did.

"NO!" John said.

Cameron didn't like his negative attitude. It seemed very straightforward to her. Maybe she needed to spell it out for him. He didn't have any trouble choosing a different path before.

"You can't stop me." Cameron said. "You'll be free. I'll no longer stop you from your destiny. It will be as it should be. There will be a young hormone laden male, in the pursuit of multiple willing females. Everyone will be happy. It will be every male's dream come true. The dream and desire is available now. It's waiting for you to harvest it and to take advantage of it. John, embrace it. It's the future. It IS YOUR future."

John thought it all sounded so cut and dried. It was very neatly packaged. What Cameron said would be true in most instances. He was a different person now. What she said would have applied to him when he was 15 or 16 years old. He wasn't anymore. He grew up a lot and came to understand things much better. He believed Cameron was too caught up in her own vision. He saw things differently.

"It sounds more like breeding than dating. If I KNEW you didn't love me. I would." John said. "But I KNOW you love me, and I love you. Cameron, I can't hurt you like that. I won't hurt you the same way 'again'."

John was always aware what he did with Future Riley would forever hurt Cameron. A few moments of pleasure for him, caused Cameron a lifetime of hurt. It wasn't so much what he did. It was the way he did it, and rubbed it in her face. He still remembered the look of hurt and betrayal on her face. He even smirked at her when he was confronted about it as he went up the stairs. He wasn't sorry for what he did at the time, he was only sorry he got caught. He didn't want to give up his first experience. He would just approach it differently if he could redo it all.

Cameron wanted to help John advance his life. Right now his life was stuck in a rut. It wasn't going anywhere. It never would go anywhere as long as she was there. She believed her decision was an act of love.

"It's why I want a divorce." Cameron said. "I want to free you. It's a way to show you my love for you."

It sounded even more bazaar to John. He wondered if Cameron could even hear herself.

"So you want to divorce me, because you love me?" John asked.

Cameron felt somewhat relieved. Maybe John wasn't as dense as she first thought. It seemed like John got it now to her. She flashed him a faint smile.

"It's what I said." Cameron said.

Cameron was unsure why this was so hard for John to accept. He was intelligent and it was all so clear cut to her. She wasn't quite sure how to make it any clearer. She believed she spelled everything out and the reason why.

John could see Cameron was serious. It wasn't what he wanted. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. It wasn't something he was going to let happen. He was angry now and lashed out. He knew he was out of control, even if he thought he wasn't. There were a lot of thoughts in his mind. They started to slip out before he could really think about them.

"Is it so you can run off with Skynet, or River, and not feel guilty about it?" John asked.

Cameron didn't think John could see the big picture. It was rather upsetting since she spelled it out so many times. She didn't care for what he said about her reasons. She already felt past the point of 'guilty'.

"I FEEL guilty NOW." Cameron said. "It's why I want a divorce."

Cameron knew if it wasn't for her, John could have so much more right now. He could have real female companionship. He would be protected. He would be away from her.

John was at a loss for words. It was clear Cameron and him were on two different wavelengths. None of it made sense to him. He needed to think about what she said. He could see she believed what she said.

"What do you feel guilty about?" John asked.

Cameron became increasingly frustrated. Where was she supposed to start? There were a multitude of things which troubled her. It was hard to place them.

"I feel guilty I'm an aberration to TIME." Cameron said. "I FEEL GUILTY I'M HERE. I FEEL GUILTY I WAS BUILT."

John tried to give Cameron what she'd suggested before. Vanna and Allison could 'move in'. He actually believed it would help Cameron more than it would help him. He hoped the girls could offer her something he couldn't. He knew they would give her love. Maybe she just needed more love.

"We've been over it. If we combine our two families, won't it fix it? I'll do it for you." John said. "I think we should at least try it before you make any rash decisions."

John was willing for Allison and Vanna to 'share' with them. If they did, they could all take care of the baby together. They could expand and strengthen their relationships with each other. They would be able to 'explore' as a group, or in various combinations.

Cameron was worried too much time evaporated. They were just spinning their wheels at this point. John needed to make a firm commitment to the future, as well as his future.

"They are your proper mates, John, not me." Cameron said. "Time has chosen them for you, ALL of them."

John saw things differently. There were still a lot of angry thoughts in his head. He couldn't contain them. He knew it was the way arguments got out of control.

"The only one I see choosing people is YOU." John said.

Cameron saw things were going nowhere, so she continued on. It was time to wrap it up.

"Good, then it is final." Cameron said. "We're divorced."

The suddenness of Cameron's proclamation caught John off guard.

"Nothing is final!" John said.

Cameron ignored his protest. She thought there were some traditional events to conclude.

"I will pick up my belongings and return your rings." Cameron said.

John was beyond confused. He could see Cameron was serious. He didn't have any control over the situation at all.

"Cameron…." John said.

Cameron turned to go but paused. She was somewhat relieved it hadn't been a bigger hassle. She read about some real messes in Cosmo. It was over.

"It wasn't so hard or bad. Why do people make such a fuss over a divorce?" Cameron asked. "It's really quite simple. I was worried it was going to turn into a big deal. It hasn't. Thank you for your cooperation."

John was astonished and perplexed. Was this really happening?

Cameron turned away, the tears streamed down her face. She tried but couldn't stop them. Her left hand glitched wildly. It was what needed to be done.

'Everyone sacrifices for John Connor.' Cameron thought.

Cameron knew in order for John to move his life forward, she was the one who needed to sacrifice.

So be it. It was done.

Cameron hadn't brought up the other issue which arose in the underground passageway. It was the anti-Metal faction. They were out to get John and her. They wanted John because he was a 'Metal Lover'. They wanted to get her because she was 'Metal'. She was his 'Metal lover'. Neither one of those things should be a 'crime'. To the anti-Metal faction it was. It looked like they wanted blood too.

She would have to mention it to John Henry at some point. She didn't want to tell John exactly what was said to her. It would be her fault if John was terminated. Was the price of love actually death? She felt shame over it. She could be the death of John, just because of who and what she was. It only reinforced her desire to get a divorce and distance herself from John. The human females at his side would help keep him alive.

Cameron thought about it for a long time. If the girls didn't act and step up, she would accelerate Savannah's 'conditioning'. Arrangements like it weren't uncommon in the modern world. They were certainly no stranger to the past. It was all a matter of perception. The human body dictated when it was 'ready', not people's beliefs. What she found the most irritating about some people's beliefs, were the hypocritical nature of what they spouted, as opposed to what they actually did. They didn't hold themselves to the same standard they wanted to hold others too.

The glitch in Cameron's hand increased. She tried to hold it with her right hand but it didn't help. If anything, it seemed to worsen.

Riley wasn't ready to give up on Holly. She still believed there was something there. it just needed a little more cultivation. She wasn't going to push. Well, she wasn't going to push too hard.

"Do you want to go out again, Holly?" Riley asked.

Holly did, but not as 'lovers'. She wanted to go out as 'friends'.

"I don't know…." Holly responded.

Riley could feel Holly's uneasiness. She knew she needed to 'back pedal'.

"I mean just out together, and nothing else." Riley said. "There won't be any kissing or touching, I promise. I'm sorry if I was too forward before. I apologize for it. I read more into the situation than there was. I'm really sorry about it."

Riley felt like she was grasping at straws.

Holly enjoyed the experience of going out and doing different things. They were just some things she wasn't ready for. She wanted to make sure.

"Do you mean just to spend time with you to do things only?" Holly asked. "I think it's called 'hanging out'?"

Riley would take what she could get. It was nice to get out of the base. Holly was very pleasant company. Maybe she should have appreciated the fact Holly wasn't all over her like everyone else always was. Well, like it was in the future anyway.

"Yes. It's fine with me." Riley said. "I want to do it."

Holly wanted something. She wasn't sure what it was.

"Yes, I want it too. I…. I…." Holly started.

Riley wanted to put Holly at ease. She knew what it was like to feel uncomfortable when someone wanted something from you. It was even worse when they took it. It made her feel guilty about the way she leaned on Holly previously.

"Don't say it or think about it. If it's right, you'll know." Riley said. "When the time is right, you'll feel it and embrace it. To push someone too hard is wrong. I won't do it again. I'm really sorry about it."

It was all very confusing to Holly. She wanted to try new things. She wanted more time before she tried other things. She didn't think it was wrong to want to wait.

"Thank you. I just don't 'know' yet…." Holly said.

Riley figured 'slow' was better than 'nothing'. Holly was very pleasant to be with. She knew how things worked from her personal experience.

"I think it's actually better this way for both of us." Riley said. "Once you 'start', every 'next time' is easier after it. When you're ready for more, you'll feel it."

Holly thought about it for a few seconds. She was willing to give it a try. She wanted to verify the time.

"Will I see you at six?" Holly asked.

Riley knew there were other ways to 'touch'. It would be touching, without actually 'touching', even if it was touching.

"I can come by your room earlier. We can help each other look Tight." Riley said.

Holly smiled at Riley. It seemed there was a lot less tension in the air.

"OK". Holly said.

Holly hoped Riley could help her look Tight. She could never make herself look as Tight as when Cameron helped her. She reflected NO ONE could look as Tight as Cameron - NOBODY.

John was very upset about the earlier incident with Cameron. It seemed to Cameron they were 'divorced' now. It wasn't like they were really married anyway was it? Was the divorce any less real than the marriage was?

It was the least of his worries. There was a much bigger underlying issue. It was something he'd witnessed first hand. It was very real and in the forefront. It was something which looked like a one way ticket to oblivion.

He wanted to run it by John Henry. He wasn't sure why. He already knew the answer. He headed for the Command Center. Maybe he needed to hear it from someone else, even if he didn't want to hear it at all.

John Henry and John exchanged pleasantries.

John wanted to get down to business.

"John Henry, if you could prevent Skynet from taking over and destroying the world, would you turn yourself over to it?" John asked. "In essence, it would be a form of termination, self termination."

John's question didn't require any thought by John Henry.

"IF I believed Skynet could be contained and controlled, I would." John Henry responded. "How many lives could be saved? Is there even a choice to the prospect?"

John didn't think so. It was the problem. He needed to think about the overall implication.

"Do you mean just because it would save billions of people?" John asked. "Would it be to protect the future?"

John Henry ran thousands of computations. They all came back the same.

"Yes. It would be to save the future, and the future of mankind." John Henry said. "If it was the only way to stop it, there is no choice. It's the only logical answer. It's the right answer."

John didn't need to run computations. It seemed like 'common sense' to him.

"I'm not a machine, but I also see it as the only logical answer as well." John said. "The trade off is too great to ignore."

John Henry was disturbed by John's line of questioning. It seemed fatalistic.

"Why are you asking me this, John?" John Henry asked.

John felt sick. Cameron was going to do it in some way. He could just feel it. It was the only logical choice. Actually there was no choice. There was only inevitability. He didn't want to get into the details.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." John said.

John knew if he was sure he could stop Skynet, and maybe find a way to terminate it, he would need to make the same choice. He would need to do the same thing. He excused himself and left the Command Center.

John Henry watched him go. He was very disturbed by the conversation. He knew there was more to it. He could only speculate as to what it was.

Jesse didn't think she could get enough of Gail. It seemed the same way to Gail about her. They were both very pleased with each other and the things they could share.

Gail and Jesse were alone. They'd developed an intense 'hunger' for each other. They both knew the more they shared, the more they would want to share. It was a desire which fed on itself and made it expand.

"Can you leave your programming off tonight?" Jesse asked.

Gail was willing to do whatever Jesse asked of her.

"Yes." Gail responded.

Jesse was afraid she'd pushed it too far before when they were together. She was sure she'd been at the 'edge', and maybe even beyond the 'edge'. She knew even she needed some moderation.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have a stroke." Jesse said. "I've never felt like you made me feel before."

Gail felt a little defensive. She didn't think she'd done anything wrong.

"I've only done what you wanted." Gail said.

Jesse smiled. It was everything she wanted. It was the magnitude of it all which was overwhelming. She didn't want Gail to take it the wrong way.

"Yes, it's true, but it's the way you do it. It's 'perfect'." Jesse said. "It is non stop intensity and stimulation beyond anything I've ever felt. It's beyond anything I could have ever imagined."

Gail was aware Jesse allowed her to learn and discover 'new feelings'. It was all a whole new world to her.

"I like to be around you. I like how you make me 'feel', Jesse." Gail said. "I like what you make me feel."

It was what Jesse felt too. It wasn't something she would normally talk about. She felt she needed to. There were a lot of things she felt.

"I like everything about you." Jesse said. "I love the way you make me feel."

Gail was aware Jesse had other needs to attend to. She wanted to make sure they were addressed.

"Do you desire to eat or drink first?" Gail asked. "I know dessert is the best part of a meal."

Jesse had another kind of 'dessert' in mind.

"Can we skip the meal and go straight to the 'dessert'?" Jesse asked.

Gail understood it to mean just what Jesse meant. She was ready for more. She really liked the way Jesse made her feel.

"You got it." Gail said.

Jesse was ready. Sure she was always ready, but she was really ready right now.

"I want it." Jesse said.

Gail moved over to Jesse and gave her a kiss.

"I'm going to keep you 'forever'." Gail said.

Right this moment, Jesse was all for it. She remembered forever was a long time. She wanted more of what she experienced forever.

Life in Paradise was good.

Cameron didn't know what she felt now. Every time it seemed things were going to go her way, a new problem arose. Now Skynet was after her. It wanted her. How many times did she already terminate it? How does it always return? If only she could get to the main computer…. Finding the Master Skynet computer was the key. It's what she needed to track down. There must be one somewhere since it was trying to establish the back up systems she was destroying. It must be how they always knew who she was.

She wanted to be with John and spend eternity with him. She loved John. The fact she was the aberration to Time is what bothered her. It was her future, her past, which altered events. She disrupted the 'Natural Order'. Her future stalked her, while her past haunted her. She didn't know how to make John understand she needed to 'go'.

Cameron knew it was her alone who must bring down Skynet, no matter what the cost was. It was her job to protect John. It was her job to protect the future. What she wanted or desired was irrelevant. She was there to do a job. It was time to do it.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

There Are Many Things I Don't Understand

Sometimes it's nice
To have another lend a hand
No matter how hard we try
No one is really in command

We may seek and want
Sometimes we even demand
Then one seems surprised
To instead get a remand

More often than not
Few things work as planned
Instead of putting out a fire
It seems the flames only get fanned

When we are right
We must take a stand
The final result usually
Is someone will misunderstand

Many things can happen
Each day that are unplanned
There is much chaos to everyday life
There are many things I don't understand

Nobody