Chapter 147

Aberration

Jesse took up rotational duties with Gail for the Young and Reese Details. It freed up another Terminator to be at the base. Gail and Jesse became an 'item'. They were inseparable. Jesse loved Gail, and it appeared Gail really loved Jesse. They could give and return each other's affections, and satisfy each other's desires.

Everyone thought Gail would be the last one to respond to overtures from a human. They were all wrong. She embraced everything and wanted more.

Jesse felt for once she found a true shared relationship. To feel love returned to HER was very gratifying. She tried to give more than she received. The more she got, the more she wanted. Gail was like a drug, and she was addicted….

Gail was addicted to Jesse as well.

Cameron spoke with her about it at the start of the 'adventure'. She warned Gail there was a lot of 'give and take'. It was easy to find something to argue over. The sad part was, most of it didn't even really matter. The tiffs would usually lead to passionate love making in the end. She wanted Gail to understand it was all very confusing at times.

Gail wanted to know if Cameron ever wanted to 'terminate' John over the arguments. Cameron told her sometimes, but learned to drive through the pain, and find the love.

"Will I be 'good enough'?" Gail asked.

Cameron didn't tell Gail she NEVER felt 'good enough' for John.

"I don't know." Cameron said. "I really don't."

It only seemed to be one of the many things which haunted Cameron. She was worried they wouldn't be able to stop Skynet. She was worried Judgment Day was inevitable. She was worried she became Skynet, or Skynet was based on her. She was worried about John's protection. She was worried about the girls. She was worried about how others viewed her actions. Why was there so much to worry about?

Derek and Riley were still on and off when Riley and Holly weren't together. Riley only ever tried to kiss Holly before.

Holly said she wasn't ready for anything else yet. She specified it meant no kissing either. She made it clear to Riley they could hang out as friends and do all types of other things. She greatly appreciated doing them with someone. Riley gave her a different perspective over other Terminators. It was something she found rewarding as well as confusing.

Riley respected Holly's wishes. They still shared a good time out together as friends. She saw how truly dynamic a Terminator could be. She always thought Holly might have her eye on someone else. They never talked about it. She thought she knew who it was and why. She wasn't sure if it was a case of her being the runner up, or the fact she was just late to the party once Holly already had her mind set on another.

Derek wanted to know what was going on with Riley. It might indicate where he stood. He wanted to find out a little more.

"What's up with you and Holly?" Derek asked.

Riley wondered where the conversation was about to go. She simply said it like it was.

"We're friends." Riley said.

Derek was aware 'friends' could have a broad definition. There were many different interpretations, especially based on one's perspective.

"Do you mean 'friends' like us?" Derek asked.

Riley didn't think it was a big deal. She laid out where things were going.

"No. There's no sex involved. I've only ever tried to kiss her a few times." Riley said. "She never kissed me back. She isn't ready yet so we're just friends. I'm not going to push her. I know what it's like when someone wants more than what's offered."

Derek cringed a little at the thought. He wondered what it was like to have a Terminator as a friend.

"Can I ask about what happens?" Derek said.

Riley didn't think it was necessary. Friends were friends, they didn't need a peanut gallery.

"No." Riley said. "We're just friends."

Derek didn't want to cause any trouble. He knew when it was time to back off. To push someone about something they didn't want to discuss, usually produced very negative repercussions.

"OK, I'm sorry." Derek said.

Riley sat in silence for a while. Derek's question made her think about a lot of things. She remembered the experience she shared with Cameron on their 'girls' night out'. Holly did many things the same. There were many which were not. She didn't know if she could explain it or not.

"Derek, it's very different. It's more exciting to be around her than it is with another female." Riley said. "Being close to a Terminator is exhilarating. They're so different. They're so innocent about things sometimes. Other times they know so much about other things. They're different in many things. It gives me a very strong sense of protection. I know they can be like a one-person army if it's necessary."

Derek witnessed Terminators in action before. They were like a one-person army. He wondered where things were headed. He wondered what the goal was.

"Do you keep 'trying' because you think she'll be better in bed?" Derek asked. "I mean better than Jesse?"

Riley was slightly upset with Derek's question. She thought all girls needed a few secrets. She was no exception.

"Derek!" Riley said.

Riley started to leave. She looked back at Derek. She knew what her goal was.

"I think it would be more exciting than Jesse, and more exciting than you, even together at the same time. I can feel an 'intensity' just waiting to be unleashed." Riley said with a wink. "I hope one day we can complete our destiny. I WANT her…."

Derek was intrigued by the idea of being with Jesse and Riley at the same time. He didn't think it was going to happen, especially now.

Riley really knew she wanted Cameron. She also knew it was impossible on so many levels. Holly would have to serve as a substitute. It would be better than nothing. She really wanted to be with a Metal girl. Jesse told her it was out of this world. Now she wanted to find out for herself. The prospect of endless finishes, one after another, was very enticing.

Derek watched Riley go. It gave him a few things to think about. He could see the beauty in their female Terminators. They weren't just cute or pretty, they were beautiful. Beauty always radiated from Cameron. It didn't matter the setting or how she was dressed. Even in combat she looked beautiful.

Gail and Holly were stunning as well. Their 'female attributes' were extremely prominent. They were much larger than the average human female. He was a little jealous of Riley. No, he wasn't a little jealous, he was a lot jealous. He was strongly attracted to Holly as well. There was just something about her which made her very desirable. Maybe his end game was a sexual relationship. He wondered what a Terminator friend would actually be like, if they were only a friend.

Derek realized he knew the answer. Bob and Jim were his friends. They did share and do things together. They were actually very pleasant to be around, especially when they weren't in a combat setting. They were always very kind and thoughtful around him. When the other male Terminators rotated through the base, they were very pleasant to deal with. It was only the Skynet programming which made them killers. Well, killers for Skynet.

John became distraught since Cameron wanted to 'divorce' him. Cameron still wore her wedding ring when she wasn't on a mission. She hadn't returned it like she said she would. He certainly wasn't going to ask her about it. He knew she would take it off right then and hand it to him. He just couldn't understand it. He knew what Cameron was thinking with her 'divorce' decree. It would allow him to pursue the girls as a 'free man', and not be 'tied' to one person. He would be single and unmarried. Were they even really married? How do you marry a machine? No, really, how do you marry something which isn't another human? He didn't think it was possible.

He pondered what Cameron 'pushed' on him. It seemed like the only thing Cameron WANTED, was for him to start a physical relationship with Allison and Vanna. Cameron WANTED him to replace her with them. He was sure once it occurred, Cameron would be gone or terminated. She would be 'free' after having restored the 'timeline' she was obsessed with. She was on some unseen timetable which seemed to only exist within the confines of her own head. It was some surreal 'Natural Order' she believed in.

He didn't think about the fact Cameron followed the directives set out by him, well, Future John. The things Cameron attempted to do weren't all of her own creation. They were instructions she was programmed to follow.

John tried to explain to her the 'correct' timeline was with Savannah and Young Allison, WHEN THEY GREW UP, in the future still.

Cameron said she couldn't wait so long.

'WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?' John thought.

Cameron suggested if it's what he wanted, she could take Allison, Vanna and him into the future, after she assigned four Terminators each to Savannah and Young Allison. Cameron assured him they would remain 'untouched' for him as they grew.

John didn't think the girls would have much choice over their own lives with such a scenario.

"It would just be like Allison and Vanna again as they are NOW. There would be two of each of them at similar ages. There would be an 'extra one' of each of them, with Terminator body guards." John said. "I know a bad idea when I hear it."

He didn't know a group of 'replacements' was what Cameron wanted. Redundancy would assure he was 'protected'.

Cameron grew weary of the endless game. They were stuck in a circle which never led anywhere. She really didn't know how to make things any clearer.

"Then accept what is your destiny - NOW." Cameron said.

John couldn't understand Cameron's obsession. There was something she must not be 'saying'. It must be something only she knew. He wondered if she even knew what it was. He honestly didn't think so. Whatever it was, it was nothing good. What else was new?

Savannah worked very hard on her studies and training. She worked with Cameron whenever she could. Often Cameron seemed upset or frustrated. Once they started to interact, Cameron seemed to 'fix' herself. It was something they both noticed and could see. Their interaction with each other became something very special to both of them.

She loved Cameron dearly. She all but worshiped her. Maybe it was because they both felt 'all alone', even though they were surrounded by others. There was a common bond there. Both of them had everything they knew and were familiar with, 'taken' away from them. It was done in different ways for different reasons, but the end result was the same. Everything they once knew, including the people, was gone. There was no way to get it back either.

Cameron always would make sure she remembered her 'special training' and her 'special purpose'.

Savannah made sure she didn't disappoint Cameron and renewed her 'promises' to her. She didn't understand the full impact of what her promises would entail when she'd first made them, but she did now. They were very clear to her. It was her mission in life to be part of the Resistance. Her service to the Resistance wouldn't only be in combat. It would also be in 'personal' and administrative matters to make things run smoothly and keep John on track.

Vanna was overprotective of her whenever they went out. It was something she never understood. It almost made the 'fun' things less fun because of a level of 'fear' which seemed to radiate from the surroundings. It was something which was unseen, but somehow it was still there.

It was Sarah who tried to help her do fun things and 'girl' things. Sarah made sure her training and studies weren't too intense and there was always time to do other things from play, watch a movie, read a book, listen to music, learn to play music, and see the beauty in nature. They all seemed like things Sarah felt she lost, and John never adequately learned. She was sure Sarah tried to correct mistakes she felt she made in the past.

Savannah didn't know Sarah tried to prevent Cameron from making her into a 'human Terminator'. The main thing Sarah tried to prevent was Cameron putting her in John's arms sooner than was absolutely necessary. To Sarah it was 'never'.

Sarah was in the armory with Kyle. They practiced marksmanship.

Kyle was aware Sarah saw her share of action. It was very different from the action he experienced and fought in growing up. The fact he needed to grow up in a Skynet future, was a living Hell in itself.

"I understand practice is necessary, but it's all different when you're on the battlefield." Kyle said. "I know we fight battles here fairly often, but they're not the same as being on the battlefield."

Sarah wondered if Kyle thought she was 'soft'.

"I do understand." Sarah said. "When you're in a war zone, it's always there and around you. It's something you can see and feel. It's something you really can't get away from, no matter what you do or where you go."

Kyle hoped he hadn't 'insulted' Sarah. It wasn't his intention.

"I know there are times here where it's as intense." Kyle said.

Sarah wanted to comment a little more to make her position clear.

"It's one thing to know where your enemy is, and who your enemy is." Sarah said. "It's a different story when you never know where your enemy is, or even who they are until they strike."

Sarah reflected on her encounters with Terminators who were after John and her. They seemed to come without warning. It was Future Kyle who was there for her and saved her from a threat she didn't comprehend. She thought he was 'crazy' at first. She found out when someone tried to tell people the truth, they didn't believe it. In her case, she found out the hard way. They think YOU are crazy. They simply can't comprehend it until they see it for themselves. How can one fight a war like that? No one believes it's real until they experience it. By then, it's too late.

Kyle was afraid he'd said too much and it was all being 'taken' wrong. He wanted to give a better explanation.

"This whole mess has its ups and downs." Kyle said. "It does make things confusing when everything is backwards and upside down."

Kyle came over to Sarah and placed his hand on her belly. He believed it said a lot, without actually saying anything. There was no guarantee of their path going forward. There would always be a lot of uncertainty involved.

"I think I'm trying to say I worry about the future for our child, our second child as well as our first child." Kyle said. "I need to make sure they have a better future."

Sarah was very pleased at the way he referred to their children. She knew the process was a little convoluted, but it wasn't really. She was worried about the future as well. She was a little more resigned to it all.

"I just want them to have a future." Sarah said. "We don't know what's going to happen."

Now they were both somewhat depressed. They cleaned their weapons and stowed everything away.

They looked at each other and better understood Jesse in that moment. Jesse lived very much in the 'moment'. They hurried back to their room and quickly 'lost' themselves in each other's arms. Every 'moment' counted because there might not be a tomorrow. There was one way to escape from the past as well as the future. The reward may only last moments but it was there. In those moments nothing else mattered. It was as if nothing else existed, other than pure pleasure. It was time to get 'lost' in each other.

Cameron was going over every fragment of data on her chip. The more she looked, the more traces she found of additional temporal transfers. There were dozens of traces. There was erased data which appeared multiple times in the exact same way. They were seemingly decades apart, but somehow at the same time.

She was afraid she was reliving her life over and over again. If it was true, how many times did she already do it? Why? Who was behind it? Was she? Was this corrupted data? Was it even real? Everything became too much for her anymore, especially the more she thought about it.

She knew she loved John. She was aware her being with John, any John, altered the 'Natural Order'. When she was in the future, she wanted to stay with Future John. She observed as long as she was with him, his life stopped moving forward. She felt it was the same way for Past John, HER John. Why was it? Was there something so detrimental and negative about her, she stopped people from growing and living?

When Cameron went back to her future to fix the termination of Future Allison, she was sure she could have stayed with Future John and Future Allison. They both would have accepted her. She didn't know if their relationship would become sexual or not, it didn't matter. Either way, she could have stayed with them but her being there disrupted their timeline. She instead returned to HER John. It was her mission after all. Well, it was her current mission.

Now Cameron was able to see John wouldn't advance his relationship to its proper place with Allison and Vanna because she was there disrupting what should be. She tried so hard to fix it. As long as she remained there, married to John, he would never accept his destiny. John wouldn't move his life forward. She realized she was 'dead weight'. She felt like a dragging anchor.

Cameron decided she needed to be terminated for John to move on to his proper place in Time. It seemed clear to her she must correct the aberration and cancer of her existence. She'd finally accepted she was 'not good enough' for John and those around her. She would choose termination in combat. Her termination in combat could be accepted by all. It was the only way they would all move forward. She decided it was her new mission. Her new mission in life was death.

For some reason the song: 'The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald' by 'Gordon Lightfoot', echoed in her mind.

Cameron felt doomed.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Aberration

Everyone can feel but not identically
The same touch can have a different sensation
Is it considered normal
Or is it some type of aberration

Even if everyone is the same
They're still different in many ways
We should try not to admonish
Instead we should render praise

Is not what makes one unique
The very thing that make one special
It seems many get lost
In what is only superficial

To be who one really is
Is what should be recognized
They shouldn't be signaled out
Then ridiculed and chastised

It doesn't take a machine
To make a computation
Something different but the same
Isn't some type of aberration

Nobody