Chapter 158

Did You

Cameron left the lab. She'd been in there a long time.

No one was surprised when they didn't see Holly. No one asked. Everyone knew what was 'coming'. It was inevitable. Holly would be terminated for 'being there' for John. She did what Duplicate Cameron asked her to do, and now she would 'pay the price' for keeping John alive. It didn't seem fair to anyone.

Cameron went in search of John. She wanted to ask John herself. She needed to hear what John told her and how.

John Henry sent Bob and Jim out to check on the van. They found the weapons and money. There were millions of dollars. They removed the van from the area once it was unloaded.

Jim drove the van and Bob followed him in an SUV. It was their goal to return it to a location close to the airport where it was 'borrowed' from. They were to snoop around the airport as well to see what kind of investigation occurred about the unorthodox landing.

They stopped one block away from the airport. Jim pulled over to the curb and quickly wiped down the vehicle. He got into the SUV with Bob when he was done.

"If anyone goes looking for it, they won't have far to go to find it." Jim said.

Bob hoped there wouldn't be anyone while they were there.

They drove out the back direction from where they left the van. They drove once around the perimeter of the airport. There were no signs of any unusual activity.

"I don't see anything happening." Bob said.

Jim figured it probably wasn't an uncommon occurrence.

"Maybe it happens a lot." Jim said.

They made their way to an observation point on the other side of the airport where they could look across the runway towards the hangar where Cameron indicated the jet was parked. It didn't take them long to spot it.

"It looks like it's just sitting there in the same spot Cameron parked it." Bob said.

Jim noticed the same thing.

"Maybe it's under surveillance and they're waiting to see if anyone returns to it." Jim said.

Bob wondered if they should look further to see or not.

"Cameron indicated there was enough fuel left on board for a short flight." Bob said.

Jim understood the implication.

"I don't think we should be the ones to move it." Jim said. "As far as we know, the drug lords who were involved might have more than one person in law enforcement on their payroll. It wouldn't surprise me if a tanker truck pulled up to it and filled it up, and one of their operatives got into it and flew it away so it could continue its illicit usage."

Bob thought it sounded plausible. Since there didn't appear to be any type of big investigation, maybe the best thing was to leave it alone. He was actually glad Cameron used the airport to land it, rather than one of the city streets. He was pretty sure if the girls weren't with her, she probably would have.

"There's nothing for us to worry about here." Bob said. "John Henry can monitor all the law enforcement communications and squelch any investigation which starts to focus on it."

Bob and Jim quietly left the area of the airport and made sure they weren't being followed on their return back towards the Resistance base. They would give John Henry a report once they arrived.

They didn't discuss the return of Cameron and the girls in any detail. Since everyone believed it was them, there was no need to question it. To have them back at the base was worth just about anything. It still seemed there were more than a few unanswered questions about everything.

John spotted Cameron coming. He was sure there was going to be a confrontation at some point. He was caught off guard where the conversation started.

"Tell me about River." Cameron asked.

John didn't know all the details.

"She was from a further future than where you came from." John said.

It didn't tell Cameron much. She wanted to know more. Maybe there was a 'little more' John needed to confess to. She would prompt him to 'help' him out.

"Were you two lovers?" Cameron asked.

John said nothing.

"Did you love River?" Cameron asked.

John said nothing.

"Were you and Unit 710 - Holly, lovers?" Cameron asked.

John said nothing.

"Were you and Riley lovers?" Cameron asked.

John said nothing.

He was pretty sure any answer he gave was going to be the wrong one.

John and Cameron just looked at each other.

Cameron had a million questions along with a million fears. John didn't help her much with any of them. Maybe she was being too hard on him. She was the one who left, not John. For all practical purposes it would seem as if she was terminated in the nuclear blast. The girls all perished too. What was left for John at that point? She couldn't help but feel more than a little guilty.

"I know I shouldn't have left, John. It's all my fault." Cameron said.

John thought there was a factual record as to what actually happened. Holly was with him much of the time. The events should be recorded on her chip. He was saddened to see Cameron emerge from the lab alone earlier. It most likely meant Holly was terminated. How could Cameron do it to her? Holly was so nice to him. She was always there when he really needed someone.

"Did you review Holly's chip before you crushed it?" John asked.

Cameron looked back toward the direction of the lab.

"No." Cameron said.

John felt some sadness for what Cameron must have done to Holly. She only tried to help him. Holly helped him when he was so 'alone' and Cameron was 'terminated'. He knew Holly probably saved his life more than once. Now she paid for her good deed with her own 'life'. It seemed as if another individual needed to die because of him. Where did it stop? Did it ever stop? It seemed unlikely.

"Did you have to kill her?" John asked, clearly upset.

Cameron tilted her head slightly.

Holly and Gail walked out of the lab.

"Kill who?" Cameron asked.

She didn't know what John was talking about. She hadn't killed anyone since they left the jungle.

Earlier:

Cameron opened her fist and looked at Holly's chip. Who was she to decide who lived and who died? Where was she at when everything happened? It was her fault, not the fault of someone else. She put Holly's chip back in.

Holly rebooted. She ran a quick diagnostic. She was surprised at the results.

"I'm still the same." Holly said. "You didn't terminate me or change my files."

Cameron owned up to her transgressions and failures.

"It was my fault. I was gone. It's my fault everyone died. I won't terminate you." Cameron said.

Holly laid out the facts to Cameron. They were life altering in more ways than one.

"I have all your files on my chip. Plus I have those from the day you left and came back two months later until the day before you were 'terminated'." Holly said. "You asked me to save them for you and look after John. I did as you asked. I have spent much time with John. He has never touched me. I'm still 'untouched'. He never tried to kiss me or anything. We only talked, like you and Future John. You are in here with me, YOU asked me to allow you to share my chip. I did it for YOU. You are here with me now. I promised to keep you 'alive'. You live within me. I have a copy of your chip on mine."

It meant Cameron could get the 'missing' files from what happened in the period she was out of the timeline. There was a record of 'her life' and what she did. There would be a record in her program on Holly's chip of everything which happened. Because there was a copy of her program there, there wouldn't be anything missing.

There was one other thing which worried her. Holly's long term 'exposure' to John would mean she grew to love him. She understood the close association of two individuals, over any period of time, was bound to have some type of effect. They would either totally despise each other, or be drawn much closer together.

"Then you love John now, like I loved Future John." Cameron said. "It happens when you're around them all the time."

Holly knew it was true and couldn't 'help' it. She did feel she exhibited good self control, even when she wanted to move the relationship forward.

"Yes, I couldn't help it. I spent a lot of time with him. We shared a lot of things. They're all on my chip, and the copy of your program, I possess. I'm sorry about it. You may still terminate me. I would accept it based on the current conditions. They aren't what anyone expected to happen. I don't want to hurt you or cause a 'problem'. I did everything for you. I did it for YOU, Cameron. You are part of me until you remove your files." Holly said. "Please retrieve your files and you may erase mine from the time you loaded your files onto my chip. I'll never know any of this happened. I'll do anything you ask, or accept whatever fate you choose for me."

Cameron looked at Holly. She wondered if she would have done the same for one of them.

It was clear Holly loved John and her. Holly was willing to sacrifice everything. Sacrifice was the true test of love. Holly was willing to sacrifice it all for John and her, even now.

Cameron gave Holly a kiss on the cheek. She realized she would have asked Holly to do the very same thing the duplicate version of her did. She really needed to give Holly credit for not acting on her own. She was sure the Duplicate Cameron within her, probably leaned on her to take control more than a few times. It's what she would do if her program was in another female Terminator's chassis.

"Thank you for everything." Cameron said.

Holly smiled at her and touched her cheek.

Cameron turned her attention to Unit 645. She wasn't willing to have her terminated over personal and emotional issues. The fact Unit 645 wanted to self terminate bothered her. It reminded her of how she felt on multiple occasions. Sometimes self termination seemed to be the only answer. None of the events which led up to such thoughts were very pleasant to experience. It was time to step up and see what she could do to assist.

"What's her story?" Cameron asked. "How can we help Unit 645 - Gail?"

Holly wasn't sure how to explain it. She could see there was going to be a big problem. Half of the 'equation' was missing.

"I don't know. This Jesse won't have the same memories as 'Gail's Jesse'." Holly said.

Cameron heard whispers when she arrived. Holly confirmed it. She wanted to be clear.

"Jesse and Gail were 'lovers'?" Cameron asked.

Holly felt they were more than lovers.

"Yes, they were in a committed partnership." Holly said. "It was a very strong and deep love. It was why Gail could no longer function. She pleaded with us to let her terminate when we deactivated her. It was very sad. It bothers me to think about it."

They were all 'feelings' Cameron could understand. It was time to get things straightened out. She was back now and she was the one 'in charge'. She wanted to make sure there were options available to everyone. She felt they earned the right to make some of their own decisions.

"Do you wish to keep all your memories as they are?" Cameron asked.

Holly cherished all her files.

"Yes." Holly said.

Cameron was a little worried about one thing.

"It means you'll still love John." Cameron said.

Holly thought she'd exhibited good self control. She believed she exhibited much more than self-control. She often offered the Cameron on her chip, the use of her chassis without her awareness. There were several important issues she felt needed to be addressed.

"Yes. I'll love him as Allison and Vanna do." Holly said. "Cameron, you MUST retrieve the files you downloaded onto my chip. There is something very 'important' for you there."

Cameron frowned. She thought she figured out the truth about something. It was another thing she couldn't blame on anyone else but herself.

"Do you mean about John loving River?" Cameron asked.

Holly looked Cameron straight in the face. She would have preferred for Cameron to have found out on her own when she downloaded her files from her chip. She felt it was something which should be addressed directly.

"Cameron, it's you who loves River, not John…." Holly said.

Cameron was shocked to hear it.

Holly laid out a little more of what happened.

"Cameron, Allison was pregnant. John was the father…." Holly said.

Cameron was even more shocked.

All of this news was truly a 'Future Shock' to Cameron.

Holly and Gail said 'hello' to everyone. No one understood how Gail was OK now. Gail saw Jesse and the other girls. It was as if nothing ever happened….

Cameron worked her 'magic' again. It seemed she was always there to help others…. It was only herself she was unable to help at times.

No one was happier than Savannah.

'Always have faith.' Savannah thought.

Savannah KNEW Cameron would come back and fix everything. Cameron was invincible. Cameron was eternal….

Savannah's love never wavered or faltered.

She felt very proud of Cameron and because she fixed everything. Well, except one thing. Her mother wasn't back. She was aware it was something Cameron really didn't have any control over.

Savannah's love for Cameron only grew….

Earlier:

Cameron reviewed Holly's chip and downloaded 'herself' back into her own chip through her port. She removed her files but left Holly's untouched.

She was shocked to learn how she felt about River. It was all part of her again as if it always was. Her program was reunited. The blanks were filled in. She knew everything now.

Holly filled in the last two days of 'Duplicate Cameron's' life and the events that happened. What hurt Cameron the most was the death of Allison, with John's baby. Her foolishness caused the deaths of 'herself', her dearest friends, and John's baby. She felt very ashamed of herself, even if it was the fault of her 'Duplicate'. They were all one now.

Cameron would need to forever bear the burden of those acts. Hopefully they would serve as a reminder to avoid such folly in the future.

There were some things she might be able to fix. There seemed to be a lot more she couldn't fix.

Cameron reinstalled Gail's chip and she rebooted.

Gail opened her eyes and looked at Cameron. She was aware Cameron was terminated. It was what she sought as well. It looked like she accomplished it. She didn't know there was an existence after termination. She was aware many humans believed it. She was fairly certain they were all images created by people who couldn't accept their own demise, or the demise of loved ones. When their physical existence ended, their spiritual existence would be in a better place. She didn't think so before, now it was time to reconsider. It was still rather surprising.

"There's a machine afterlife?" Gail asked.

'Spirit In The Sky' by 'Norman Greenbaum', popped up in Cameron's mind at her question.

"I don't know. I'm not terminated." Cameron said. "I'm not dead."

Gail sat up and looked around. She was still at the base. Her earlier troubles began to return.

Cameron explained the situation to Gail. She told her not to panic. There was 'a Jesse' at the base alive and well. It was the same Jesse. They were Duplicates of each other. This Jesse wouldn't have the memories and experiences of their relationship. She was still the same individual though.

Gail wondered how to move forward. Cameron told her to act as she did before they became 'involved' and see what happened. Cameron explained to her since there was 'a Jesse' alive, the relationship may restart. It was the SAME Jesse.

Gail agreed to give it a try. The fact Jesse, 'a Jesse', wasn't dead, took much of the pain away. The pain of the loss of the relationship was another story….

Cameron promised she would do everything she could to 'fix' it.

Since Cameron was aware of the baby Duplicate Allison carried, she was unsure how to proceed. The fact in itself presented a whole group of questions and possibilities.

"John, should we tell Allison about the baby?" Cameron asked.

John could see a lot of pain and heartache for nothing. It seemed like a bad idea to him.

"I don't know. I don't think so. Why make her feel the pain for something that never happened to HER?" John asked. "She will mourn its loss."

Cameron wanted the baby. She wanted it done again.

"I think she should know." Cameron said. "When the time is right I'll tell her and Vanna."

John could see where things were headed. He didn't want it to become a new obsession with Cameron.

"I don't want to talk about it, Cameron." John said.

Cameron pushed the issue.

"John, I want you to do it aga…." Cameron said.

John put his foot down.

"CAMERON, I don't want to talk about THIS." John interrupted.

Cameron didn't want to cause an issue. It looked like it was going to be one.

"OK let's talk about us…." Cameron said.

It was something John wanted to talk about. He often speculated about the issue with Holly. She was always very non-committal about her answer.

"I've missed you so much, Cameron." John said. "I understand how Future John felt about Future Allison's death now…. I think the only thing that kept me going was to believe you were 'alive' inside of Holly. I always knew it was you inside with Holly when we talked. I KNEW it."

Savannah did a good job of helping him believe Cameron wasn't 'gone', one way or another.

Cameron knew how beautiful Holly was. There must have been great temptation on his part. There was on Holly's part.

"I have all the files, John." Cameron said. "Why didn't you ever touch her, or even kiss her?"

It was a sore point for John, especially now.

"It was because you would never admit to being in with her, or on her chip." John said. "I wanted to know the truth. I never got it."

Cameron said nothing.

John always felt a lot of apprehension as well as speculation about the issue. He would have liked to have known Cameron was still 'alive', even if she wasn't.

"If you told me you were inside her, maybe I would have." John said. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Cameron knew there was a lot of guilt and shame Duplicate Cameron felt over the issue. She wasn't so sure she could have been quite as magnanimous herself. Holly was Hot. She would have liked to have shared the experience anyway. Maybe she felt Holly needed to sacrifice enough.

"It wasn't MY body, John. It was Holly's body. It wasn't mine to 'use'. I didn't want to 'defile' her. I felt it should be her choice who she shares herself with, not mine." Cameron said.

John wanted to know more. There were more than a few times where he was ready to take things to the next level.

"And if I would have pushed it?" John asked.

Cameron was aware of what Duplicate Cameron allowed.

"I gave Holly the freedom to choose, as well as you." Cameron said.

John wanted to push one more point home. He didn't like the accusations when they were directed at him. He also didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Just like Cameron said, he was given the freedom of choice. He would need to allow her to do the same.

"And what about your accusation in regards to River and me?" John asked.

Cameron went over the files thousands of times already. She wanted to know why Duplicate Cameron, why SHE, loved River.

"I didn't know it was ME who felt the love for another. I'm sorry, John. It will never happen again." Cameron said.

John felt a little triumph.

"There are a lot of things which never need to happen again…." John said.

Cameron looked John in the eyes. She was back and she loved him.

"John, please touch me…." Cameron said. "I NEED YOU."

John was glad Cameron was back and he loved her. He almost found the last fifteen months hard to believe. He knew the grief and hurt he felt was real. Savannah always told him to have faith. It all seemed so impossible the way things played out. Cameron and the girls were back. He was sure the same fate befell the duplicate versions of them. It wasn't something he wanted to think about right now.

He directed his attention at Cameron. He was certain she never looked more beautiful. He was sure things was going to be over real quick the first time. He planned on a few more….

"Not as much as I NEED you." John said.

'Come On Let's Go' by 'Ritchie Valens', played in the background.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Esteem

Things that make us who we are
Honor, dignity, pride and self respect
Can be damaged and stripped away by others
Leaving little of ourselves to protect

Each second, day, week, year
They take, shove, push, demean and destroy
Events that forever echo hollow in our minds
Making us feel like a useless toy

When we cry out in pain
Can nobody really hear
Things we have cherished
Things we still hold dear

Who has come
Who has gone
Who yet still remains
Maybe only as a meaningless pawn

The ones still here
Are the ones that can hear
We can wish they disappear
Or wish they endear

Nobody