Chapter 163

Well

Vanna watched Allison leave. She knew Allison was 'steamed'. It did make her wonder about her part in all of it. Even though it was Duplicate Vanna, it was her. She didn't believe Duplicate Vanna would be very far away from Duplicate Allison through any of it. She would need to seek out Savannah and find out some more information about what all went on when they were away and where things were headed.

Maybe there were things Duplicate Vanna did she may not have. Then again Duplicate Vanna was her in every way so she probably would have. She really didn't think any of their choices could be two different since they were identical in every way.

Allison finally left Vanna after their very unsettling discussion about Duplicate Allison.

Vanna again urged her to not make a big deal about it since it was NOT her.

No matter how many times Allison reminded herself of it, it didn't seem to make a difference. It actually seemed to make it worse.

It was a feeling like she knew most of the females felt after being abused in the future. They often felt somehow it was their fault. The fact it happened to all of them at some point, made it easier to accept. It was part of life in the era of Skynet and the Hell on Earth it spawned.

The feeling of betrayal was worse to her. She loved Cameron and knew she would never betray her in such a way. When they thought Cameron was 'dead' before, it was different. They were going to do what Cameron asked them to do. Cameron begged them to be there for John then. Cameron MADE them promise to be there, and be with him. It was an obligation they attempted to fulfill back then. It was when she was gone the first time.

The more she thought about it the more it seemed to compound. It was really tearing her apart inside.

Allison was plagued with 'guilt'.

Allison couldn't let it go.

Allison wouldn't let it go.

Allison went to find Cameron.

She remembered Vanna's words not to make an issue about it unless something came up. She didn't listen. She was too upset. She was too upset with herself.

Allison spotted Cameron and headed straight for her.

Cameron noticed Allison as she approached her. She could tell by the look on her face things weren't going to go well.

Allison stood directly in front of Cameron as she glared at her.

"Well?" Allison asked.

Cameron looked at her. She was still undecided what she wanted to do going forward. Maybe it would be best to avoid the issue entirely.

"I don't want to talk about it." Cameron finally said.

Allison wanted to talk about it. She wanted some answers. It needed to come out. It was 'eating' her up inside.

"I want to know what 'happened'." Allison demanded. "You KNOW what I'm talking about."

Cameron did know. She wanted to keep things simple. She decided to choose her words carefully. It was obvious two people needed to be involved in the endeavor for it to work.

"John got you, Duplicate Allison, 'pregnant'." Cameron said. "What else do you need to know?"

It was the thought of it which bothered Allison. It wasn't something she personally believed she would ever do with Cameron still in the picture and alive. She was positive she wouldn't.

"Why? How? I know I would never do it to you, Cameron. I'm sorry I did. Can you ever forgive me?" Allison asked. "I'm as embarrassed as I am ashamed about the whole affair."

Allison felt so upset and ashamed at what Duplicate Allison 'did'.

Cameron could see there was an opportunity. She needed to make a choice. It really wasn't a choice at all. She decided to push her agenda. She didn't really want to, but she felt it in her programming.

"It was what I wanted." Cameron said as she looked at Allison. "It IS what I want. You must do it again. Why can't YOU understand?"

Allison took a long moment to look at Cameron. She heard and understood everything Cameron just said. She understood all of the implications as well as the significance. It didn't do anything to reassure her or ease her mind. It seemed to do the opposite. She was even more troubled. She believed she should have some say in the matter. There was some principal involved.

"It's still not right, or fair to you." Allison said.

Cameron's head dropped down for a second before she looked up at Allison. She could see Allison was troubled. She needed to protect John and the future. She needed help to do it. She wanted it to be from the females she chose.

"Why can't anyone understand?" Cameron asked as she started to cry. "It's the 'Natural Order' of time, destiny, and the way it's supposed to be. I'm what's preventing fate. I'm the one in the way."

If anything, it made Cameron feel bad about herself. It seemed all of the problems stemmed from her. She didn't stick to her original mission as to why she was sent back. She stepped out of bounds and took more than she should have. She was the one who became the roadblock to the future. It was her who would bring down the anti-Metal faction on John and the Resistance.

Allison was mortified at the way Cameron looked. She was aware it was her outburst in anger which currently put Cameron on the path she was on. She held Cameron as she sobbed. She knew what Cameron thought she wanted. She knew better.

Cameron still sobbed even as Allison soothed her.

Allison wanted to know more. She NEEDED to know more. It was tearing her up inside. The guilt and rage burnt inside her. She was flooded with shame and betrayal….

"Was it just the two of us, or the 'three' of us?" Allison finally asked.

A ray of hope glimmered in Cameron. She saw an opening. It was a chance for destiny to achieve 'compilation'. She knew her next words were going to make a big difference in more ways than one. She believed she could actually sweeten the deal. She knew what was necessary. It was time to do her job.

"It was the four of us." Cameron said. "We were as one."

Cameron lied. She needed to suppress a glitch impulse. It was very powerful.

Allison sat in silence for a long time. She hung her head and then finally looked at Cameron. It was a move much like Cameron did to her earlier. It was most likely another indication the apple didn't fall from the tree. It appeared there were several things she needed to take care of. She needed to speak with her long term lover.

"I'll talk to Vanna." Allison said

Allison felt defeated and left.

Cameron smiled to herself. She felt no guilt about what she just did to Allison. She only felt elation. Somehow it was a feeling she didn't think would last very long. She understood when one played with matches, they usually got burnt. It would come back to haunt her. It made her question her motives. She had a dark side, and it was evil.

'On The Dark Side' by 'Eddie And The Cruisers', flashed through Cameron's mind.

Cameron felt very content now, even if she felt uneasy. She went to the Command Center. John wasn't there yet.

John Henry noticed Cameron was out and about on his security monitors. He wondered what the confrontation with Allison was about. It looked contentious at first but seemed to resolve itself. Allison went away dejected looking and Cameron looked 'happy' currently.

Cameron entered the Command Center.

"You look happy." John Henry said.

Cameron smiled at him.

"It's a good day." Cameron replied.

John Henry wanted to remind her not all of them were.

"We've had very few of those since your nuclear 'stunt'." John Henry said.

The smile faded from Cameron's face. She took it as an insult, even if it wasn't meant as one. She believed Duplicate Cameron's reasoning was sound.

"I did what was necessary." Cameron said.

John Henry wasn't sure what he said. It sort of just slipped out.

"Did you?" John Henry asked. "Your three friends died. The baby died. Do you know the pain and hurt you caused everyone here?"

Cameron tried to brush it off. She really didn't want to talk about it. It wasn't really her, but Duplicate Cameron, who did it. Her manipulation of Allison still left her feeling elated.

"All's well that ends well." Cameron said.

John Henry strongly disagreed with her statement.

"Is it? You wouldn't have thought so if you were here during the 'Year Of Hell' we suffered." John Henry said. "You were only gone less than a day. It was over a year for us. Do you have any idea what the humans and machines went through here? Even if you think you do, you don't."

Cameron suppressed a glitch impulse. She went over Duplicate Cameron's plan again. It was a good plan. If everyone would have minded their own business and not attempted to come after her, there wouldn't have been any problems. There only would have been one loss. Only she would have been terminated.

"No one was supposed to follow me." Cameron said. "The watch shouldn't have been cut on the three children. Everyone should have remained at their posts. I was, I am, expendable."

Her statement further irritated John Henry. Cameron couldn't see how much everyone loved her and depended on her. He wanted to set her straight.

"You're not expendable." John Henry said. "It was done to save you. Everybody, machine, and human alike, was willing to be terminated, to DIE, to save you, every one of us. YOU cost your friends their lives…. You are the one who is responsible for everything which occurred. Your planning should have taken everything into consideration. It clearly didn't."

Cameron knew she would have done the same thing as Duplicate Cameron, they were identical. Her files all showed it was the correct decision for Duplicate Cameron. It was the correct decision for any Cameron. She could see it was going to create a point of contention. She wasn't looking for a fight, but she wouldn't back down from one either.

"I'm sorry." Cameron said. "I only KNEW it would turn out all right in the end. My files, Duplicate Cameron's files in Holly, show calculations which indicated everything would go on. I don't know where I, Duplicate Cameron, knew it from. I, Duplicate Cameron, thought life would go on as intended. The 'Natural Order' would be restored and I would be out of the way, terminated. John's destiny would have been 'complete' as it was in the future."

John Henry wondered about the extent of the calculations.

"Did you intend to come back?" John Henry asked.

Cameron wished she hadn't at this point. She didn't like the confrontation with John Henry or Allison. Both of the events which seemed to upset them weren't actually done by her, even if they were. The answer was actually rather straightforward.

"No." Cameron said.

John Henry thought maybe Cameron missed the big picture. She often talked about 'Tides In Time'. He could find no evidence of any such thing. He did note events associated with them, seemed to always repeat and reset somehow. They appear to act in the same manner Cameron spoke of.

"Perhaps you need to accept THIS is the 'Natural Order' for THIS timeline. The way it is right NOW. By the way this timeline was 'restored'. I want to specify it has been 'restored' more than once. It seems to be more than random chance."

Cameron was aware of it. It was a source of irritation to her. It wasn't what Future John wanted, even if it was what he wanted.

"It's a thought in my mind which won't go away. No matter how hard I try to make it go away." Cameron admitted.

Cameron herself didn't know what was happening or why. It did seem like some things tended to happen, no matter how much planning or preparation went into them. Somehow they ended back up in the same place, again.

Her earlier conversation with Allison started to bother her the more she thought about it. Cameron noticed her hand began to glitch. Allison, Duplicate Allison, 'died' for her by trying to help her. Now she tried to 'manipulate' Allison for her own personal agenda. It was actually Future John's agenda. It made her wonder what kind of a person she became. No, not became, was all along….

It wasn't a good thought or a pleasant feeling. Who was she to be the one who decided how events should play out? Who was she to decide what direction people's lives should go? Who is she to decide who each individual should be with? It really made her think about herself and her actions. Maybe the real question was, who was she?

Savannah would often come and study in the back of the Command Center. She would always enter from the back way to remain out of sight. It allowed her to 'hear' everything which happened. She was greatly able to expand her knowledge of the Resistance and its operations and find out about people. It was the people in the Resistance.

Cameron told her to use her natural abilities to further her infiltration skills. Her biggest asset would be her youth. No one would see her as a threat of any type. It would allow her to breach any security perimeter, or area, where she 'shouldn't' be.

She was able to see everyone experienced some kind of problem. She wasn't the only one who suffered from what Skynet did to them. She also knew the score was personal between Skynet and her. Skynet took her parents from her. Skynet took her home from her. Skynet took everything she knew from her. Skynet tried to take her life. She planned to face Skynet herself one day. When she did, she would do exactly what Duplicate Cameron did, in order to defeat it if she needed to.

The 'conversation' which just occurred between Cameron and John Henry wasn't a good one. It also showed the extent of 'confusion' which existed within Cameron.

She would need to seek Cameron out and tell her not to worry. Cameron didn't need to bother Allison and Vanna. She already promised Cameron she would be there for John, and have a baby for Cameron. She was very specific about what she would do. It was everything.

What more did Cameron want and why? Vanna and Allison had each other. Cameron should respect it. She was going to end up fracturing their relationship with her meddling.

Savannah would be more troubled if she knew how Allison felt about everything right now. It sent Allison to a bad place.

Allison felt uneasy and upset. Her earlier conversation with Cameron left her feeling very troubled. No, it wasn't just trouble, it was more like traumatized. She just couldn't hurt Cameron. She reflected on how she almost was with John when they thought Cameron was terminated the first time. Cameron went into her future, and never returned when she was supposed to.

Allison and Vanna knew John needed 'comfort'. Cameron MADE them promise to be there for him. They'd waited a long time for Cameron to return. It was then, only then, when they acted. It was only after the Liquid Metal 'thing' abused John they decided to act.

At that time John needed someone desperately. Cameron made them promise to be there for him. ALL the Terminators repeatedly said if Cameron was coming back, she would have returned right after she left….

Allison wondered how someone could love someone so much, they would try to pick the people to replace them, in their own bed, for the one they love. How deep did it hurt Cameron to do it? How deep would it hurt anyone?

In hindsight, it was clear Cameron would only have done it if she expected never to return.

Allison and Vanna only agreed because it meant so much to Cameron. They agreed because of their love for Cameron, not for John.

It was in the past now.

That was then.

Now her Duplicate self actually did it.

'What a Bitch.' Allison thought.

Allison hated 'herself' for doing it, even if it wasn't actually her.

Her mind went to a dark place and found nothing good there. She understood Cameron's poems about wanting to 'escape' and 'go'. There was peace and tranquility with nothingness.

This was now.

Allison wished she still possessed her Model 66 right now….

The one she previously possessed was destroyed when Duplicate Allison vanished in the explosion of the Terminator's power cell.

John developed a problem with a recurring thought. He was angry at Cameron for not admitting she was in Holly for all those months. He KNEW she was in there with Holly. He just KNEW it. Holly did everything exactly like Cameron did. It was all the same. He always knew if he ever kissed Cameron when she first showed up, or admitted his love for her, to her, 'things' would have happened.

He knew if he'd 'touched' Holly, she would have responded. He also knew if he was wrong and it was only Holly, he would have opened a can of worms. He would have done something which couldn't be undone. Doubt, it's what always held him back.

'What if I'm wrong?' He thought. 'I would ruin everything and destroy 'whatever' I - had.'

John remembered passing Cameron's room at the house, when he was alone one night with her. There was music playing in the background. It surprised him somewhat because Cameron was the one who listened to it.

'When Will I Be Loved' by the 'Everly Brothers', as it softly played.

Cameron wanted to be 'chosen' as she waited….

John KNEW all he needed to do was knock, he lacked the courage. Everything would have been different. Future Riley never would have happened, at least not the way it did.

He was aware he chose another instead. It made him wonder if there was a Duplicate John, if he would do the same things. He was pretty sure he would. He thought if he could do it over again he would do the same things. It was why he did them in the first place.

He was aware everyone believed if they could do certain things over, they would. He honestly believed in the majority of the cases it wouldn't matter. He was sure they would all do the same things again, the way they did the first time.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

That Was Then

When one felt empty and tortured
They were left to suffer all alone
No one to care or understand
Lower than a dog without a bone

Left with damage to their mind
Parts tarnished forever, some would heal
But no one could see the damage
Done to their mind for real

They thought of ways to escape
To end the suffering and torment
Why should they be punished
For things they couldn't prevent

As the love and caring vanished
They became tolerant and indifferent
Hoping to repair the damage
As life they tried to circumvent

If only someone felt the same
Just somebody to embody
To know and care and listen
Sadly as they looked they saw NOBODY

THAT WAS THEN

Nobody

This Is Now

Now without a doubt you know
That there is a person to listen
A person that cares about you
Who knows inside you truly glisten

Promise me that before you ever
Try to damage yourself or depart
That we talk things over
Know I speak with a honest pure heart

I will walk with you to the gates of Hell
We need not cross over lost
No longer are you alone
I will share the pain no matter the cost

I may be bent, broken and tarnished
You are a wonderful Human Being
We can still both reach Paradise one day
For you this I am guaranteeing

THIS IS NOW

Nobody