Chapter 164

Great Pretender

Cameron was troubled by many things. Her interaction with others often left something to be desired. Sometimes she was glad to be around John or the girls. Allison, Vanna and Jesse were always there for her. It was her actions towards them which bothered her. She didn't always treat them like friends.

She wasn't sure if it was her fault, or the fault of some of the programming from Future John. Maybe it was both. Maybe it was neither. No, it must be her fault.

There was one person who she could always count on. They touched her 'heart' in a way she couldn't describe. It wasn't like her love for John or the girls. It was something more. It was something deeper and more profound. It was something beautiful. It was Savannah who reached her on a different level.

Cameron wanted to check the Resistance operations throughout the area. She received a pleasant surprise.

"Hello, Cameron." Savannah said.

Cameron smiled. She was thrilled to see Savannah. She was dressed in the clothes she picked out for her.

"Hello, Savannah. You look beautiful." Cameron said.

Savannah wondered if she was. People told her she was pretty. She thought Cameron was really pretty. She didn't think she could ever be as pretty as Cameron. She also knew Cameron's true beauty was inside her, her program.

"Thank you." Savannah said. "You're always a ravishing beauty."

Cameron smiled to hear Savannah say it about her. She scanned her many times. It was what Savannah believed. They weren't just words. The spoken truth made her feel better about herself.

"You look really cute in your outfit." Cameron said. "Did you say 'hello' to John today?"

Savannah was going to do it. It was what Cameron always wanted her to do. Cameron always wanted John to 'notice' her. She received a lot of flak from Vanna over it. It wasn't something she wanted to argue about. She understood the anguish of the past, the future, for the girls. She didn't believe she faced any of the same threats.

"Vanna always wants me to wear more clothing and 'cover up'." Savannah said. "I told her there is 'nothing' to cover up. She said it could make it even worse. I'm not sure how."

Cameron knew what Vanna referred to and was worried about. It was what happened to her in the future. It started when she was younger than Savannah was now. It exposed some men at their lowest and cruelest level, with what was done to Vanna over the years. It bothered her greatly to know it happened to 'Savannah' in the alternate future. Vanna was Savannah.

She didn't like Savannah's life to be too restricted. She did understand the need to protect Savannah. Skynet already targeted her once. They would do it again if they thought she was still alive. They took measures to prevent it. Mr. Ellison released to the public the unfortunate news, both Catherine Weaver, and Savannah Weaver, perished when their building was struck by an aircraft in a tragic accident. She didn't want to cause Savannah any uneasiness.

"You can go with me today." Cameron said. "I promised no one will bother you, and Vanna won't need to worry."

Savannah was thrilled at the prospect of spending the day with Cameron. It sounded like it would be more than survival training. Sarah always tried to put a limit on what training Cameron scheduled for her. Sarah, or one of the girls, would go with them sometimes. Those were the easy training sessions. Cameron always held back on the training.

When she was alone with Cameron, the training was always more challenging and harder. She really needed to work hard sometimes but she always did. Cameron was always right there if she needed her. Cameron would have her work out the problems herself. She liked when Jesse went with them too. Jesse was different from everyone else, even if she was the same. It was more than her exotic look or lovely accent. There was strength and determination in her. She could always bring out the smiles and laughter in Jesse. She did it for all of the girls, and Sarah too.

Savannah was aware from a young age, those around her were not happy people. As she grew older, she understood the hardships and challenges all of them faced. It pleased her to know she could always bring a smile to their faces as well as genuine laughter. She always believed she could touch and lift each of their hearts and souls.

Cameron took Savannah to visited the Protection Details.

Savannah spoke with each of the Terminators one at a time. She wanted to know if they needed anything, or if there were any problems. She listened to what each one said. They were more likely to tell her of an issue, as opposed to anyone else. It was because she really cared. If there was ever an issue, she made sure it was resolved. She didn't let up until it was. If she told someone, Terminator or human, she would do or take care of something, she always followed through and delivered. She felt someone was only as good as their word. She made sure her word was good.

Cameron watched Savannah interact with the Terminators. Savannah would reach out and gently touch their cheek or the back of their hand. It seemed to have an effect on every one of the Terminators. There was a personal bond which developed between all of them and Savannah. None of the other humans shared the same special bond with the Terminators. Then again, it seemed Savannah also had a special bond with the humans as well. She knew the future held an even more special bond for John and Savannah….

There were some additional components which would need to be added along the way. It was all a matter of time.

Cameron knew Savannah would be a great leader in the Resistance one day. Savannah would be a leader, and she would be at John side.

She KNEW Savannah would fulfill every one of her promises. Savannah promised her everything she wanted for John. Savannah also promised her something for John and her when she was 'older'. It was the one thing she couldn't provide for John.

Cameron scanned Savannah again as they walked and smiled. Savannah was the greatest.

It was clear to Cameron, beyond any doubt, Savannah was the 'Chosen One'.

It was only a matter of time until some version of Skynet returned.

Like a 'Jack In The Box', it popped back up.

'Game On.' John Henry thought.

He was ready. Preparations never stopped to meet the future threat. Cameron made sure of it. He called John to the Command Center.

John arrived very quickly. He'd noted the urgency in John Henry's voice.

"I've detected possible Skynet activity." John Henry said.

John dreaded the day. It was bound to happen sooner or later. He would rather have it in the present where they could fight it, instead of in the past. Maybe it was there now too. Who knew how many timelines there were at this point?

"Where's it at?" John asked. "How much is there?"

Savannah could see Cameron was troubled. She knew there were a lot of things on her mind. There always were. Cameron was as busy as she was important. She reached over and took Cameron's hand as they drove.

"You don't need to force or push anything or anyone." Savannah said. "Everything will work out in the end, it always does."

Cameron was caught off guard. She was very pleased Savannah held her hand. It was very comforting to her and gave her reassurance.

"Sometimes I think I get ahead of myself." Cameron said. "I know I push sometimes when I shouldn't. I know I do it with you too."

Savannah gave Cameron's hand a reassuring and loving squeeze.

"You don't push me at all." Savannah said. "Nobody pushes me."

Cameron tilted her head slightly. She was a little concerned about the wording.

"There are times I ask for more than I should." Cameron said. "I know it's wrong."

Savannah smiled at Cameron.

"You always know right from wrong." Savannah said. "It's you who must choose which one you want to pursue. It isn't anyone else's decision but yours."

Cameron felt a slight glitch impulse. She wanted to lower her left hand from the steering wheel. She went to pull her right hand away from Savannah so she could grip the wheel. She was more than a little surprised when Savannah wouldn't let it go and held it in place instead. It forced her to suppress the glitch impulse and keep her left hand on the steering wheel.

It only took her a moment to realize Savannah knew what was going to happen earlier. She put herself into a position to prevent it from occurring in the first place.

Savannah wasn't so sure it was John who would need 'protection' going forward. She believed it was Cameron who would need it. She didn't believe anyone else could provide her with it either. She felt she could. She believed it was her responsibility to protect Cameron. By protecting Cameron, she protected John and the future. She needed to figure out the best way to be able to do it. It didn't seem like it would be easy to do, no matter how it was done.

Cameron was very pleased with Savannah. She could see River was able to reach Duplicate Cameron on a very cerebral level. She could feel Savannah reach her on a very physical and emotional level. It was very different from her interaction with John or the other girls. It was something deeper. There were no sexual connotations to it. She did need to consider it was possible over time it could expand into those parameters.

Who was she to hold anyone back, or restrict their personal development. She understood the personal choices both Vanna and Future Savannah made. They were done independently of each other. Perhaps it was within the true nature of Savannah Weaver, any Savannah Weaver.

It always pleased her greatly because Savannah never treated her as someone different, or as a machine masquerading as a human female. She was always treated as an individual and equal to everyone else. It seemed much more profound and deeper than as a 'surrogate mother' to Savannah.

Savannah wanted to make sure Cameron didn't drift off too far within her own mind.

"Where we going to go out for lunch?" Savannah asked.

Cameron blinked her eyes several times and glanced over at Savannah.

"It appears I've neglected your nutritional needs once again." Cameron said.

Savannah viewed it a little differently.

"We needed to deal with your emotional needs first." Savannah said. "It's what we did."

Cameron tilted her head slightly.

"You're always looking out for me." Savannah said.

Savannah only felt she did what needed to be done, when it needed to be done. There were a few things she wanted Cameron to think about going forward. She already thought about them herself and realized she could have made a difference on several occasions. She possessed a power the girls from the future wouldn't be able to match. It was herself.

"I've watched you make a few choices which could have been done a little differently." Savannah said. "If I was with you on any of them, things would have played out quite differently."

Cameron felt a glitch impulse. Savannah still firmly held her right hand.

"I could never expose you to such a level of danger, even if I tried." Cameron said.

Savannah wanted to make her intentions clear going forward.

"Whatever danger you need to face, you never need to face it alone." Savannah said. "I know no one will understand, including you, but I will face any danger with you."

Cameron still held Savannah's hand. She scanned her the entire time. Savannah was utterly truthful in everything she said.

"There might need to be a few things I think through a little more before I act on them." Cameron said.

Savannah looked at Cameron and smiled.

Cameron and Savannah returned to the base after lunch. Savannah reaffirmed everything which was good in life, and the war against Skynet was worth fighting. It also made Cameron think of her own shortcomings and transgressions. There were many and after being with Savannah, they all made her feel 'bad' about herself.

She was deeply bothered by her lie to Allison. She wanted to come clean and tell her the truth. She wanted both Allison and Vanna to consummate their physical relationship with John too. It coursed through her to have John mate with Allison and Vanna. It was a drive she couldn't control. She was torn with what to do. She reflected she still played to win, and didn't play fair. She viewed it as a character flaw, rather than programming. She knew her moral compass was weak. She'd fallen in love with Vanna and Allison, and head over heels for River. She also realized she was strongly attached to John Henry and Holly from sharing her 'existence' with them, her very mental self. She shared nearly everything which makes a person 'themselves'.

None of the relationships ever became physical, but with the girls they could have, and almost did. Somehow it didn't bother her. It was true what she said. Since she was incapable of reproduction, it didn't matter if her mate, or mates, were male, female, or machine. Love was blind.

Cameron loved John. Did she love him because Future Allison loved him as Future John? Maybe her love for Future John was Future Allison's love for him, but what about Her John, Her Husband? Did she love John because he was Future John, but only younger?

It troubled Cameron to no end not to know. Why did it hurt her so much to have Future Riley take him from her? WHY? Was it because she was rejected for being 'herself'? Why did it make her feel like trash? It made her feel like something someone threw away. It made her feel 'not good enough'? It left her with the feeling of being - Nobody.

It disturbed her so. Cameron felt like an outsider. Her first poem 'Outsider' flashed before her time and time again. She hardly knew her adult Future Savannah. She knew Future John and Future Allison both loved Future Savannah. Then it hit her, Future Allison loved Future Savannah too. Maybe she felt Future Allison's love for Her John AND Vanna? It bothered her now too. She also loved Future Allison and Allison. Did she love them because they loved themselves? Did she love Future Allison, or Allison, because Future John did?

Cameron felt a strong 'bond' with young Savannah as well. She tried to understand where her feelings came from. WHY? Was her 'love' programmed into her?

Maybe she didn't love at all. Maybe it was only programming to make her think she could love. Maybe everything was programmed into her. Maybe nothing was. There must be some way to know.

What about River?

River was the first 'new' person she loved on her own, well Duplicate Cameron loved her anyway. Cameron still didn't understand it. She now shared those same feelings but they weren't actually hers. They WERE her feelings now since all her programming and files were combined.

Future Allison didn't know of River's existence. Cameron knew she didn't love River because of Future Allison. Future John didn't program it into her.

Duplicate Cameron couldn't manipulate or lie to River. Maybe it's what she liked, she needed to be 'real'. She needed to be honest. She needed to be 'herself'. She could be herself. She embraced the feelings of Duplicate Cameron as her own, after all, they were 'her own', even if not they weren't actually her own.

Cameron wondered if she would ever leave John for River. She was given the chance, but she was still here. Then again it was her Duplicate self who fell for River, not her, even though she shared those files as if they were her own now.

She knew circumstances could drive people together or apart. If Duplicate Cameron met River under different circumstances, would the feelings still have developed? The TDE would still work into the future. Cameron knew the information from when Duplicate sent River back to her future. Why was she still there? Did she love John more? She didn't think so. She could live her life with John and then go to River after his death. Hopefully his death would be from old age in the future. She could live her life with John and then join River moments after she left the Resistance base in River's future. She could literally follow River into the future and live a second life….

Cameron felt she'd already done it sometimes. She felt she lived her life over and over, but she didn't have other memories of River. It was only of her life 'repeating'. There were times when she felt as if she manipulated herself out of true happiness. It was times like this when she wanted her one wish.

Was it really too much to ask for? She didn't think so. It seemed to be such a simple thing. She didn't ask for wealth or material goods, she only asked for freedom.

Cameron wandered around and found herself in the storage area. She went to read the poem etched into the wall. It became a memorial to her 'death'. Terminators and humans would visit there and talk.

Holly never went there when she was on her chip. She didn't want to see the misery she'd caused the others. She'd forfeited her chassis to stop Skynet and save the rest of the people she loved. She never intended for them to follow her and be killed. Her actions killed her friends and John's baby.

Cameron stood before her poem etched into the wall and read it:

Outsider

When I look in the mirror
I don't like what I see
When I look inside of myself
I don't like what I can't be

I hate what I am
I hate what I'm not
I hate everything about myself
I guess it covers a lot

I feel so small
It is like I don't exist
Useless and worthless
Nothing on which to subsist

I'm an outsider
Always on the outside looking in
There's so much inside of me
To want to exist isn't a sin

From this eternal torment there's no escape
My mind, heart and soul are shredded and torn
If I had only one wish it would be
Never to have been born

Cameron

AKA

Nobody

Cameron hated herself even more now for the death and hurt she inflicted. Why couldn't she have her one wish? WHY? She headed for her room and her poem book. She felt there was a lot more to express. Only River could understand her and she wasn't there. She never would be. She replayed her files from Duplicate Cameron over and over. After a while pretending almost seemed 'real'. It was her only current option.

'The Great Pretender' by 'The Platters', was what flooded Cameron's mind as she walked. She was ready to write.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Great Pretender

How does it make one feel
When they are a defender
If they're only viewed
As some type of an offender

Precious moments spent together
Love shared and delivered so tender
Is abruptly upended and avoided
Marked return to sender

The joy that once was
Is run through life's blender
Leaving one only to remember
What once was such splendor

To continue on living
It forced one to surrender
One was eager to be love's lender
The other became love's spender

To be alone with each other
There was no other contender
When that all suddenly changed
It left someone a great pretender

Nobody