Chapter 168

Long Black Veil

Derek and Riley were happy together most of the time. The 'death' of Jesse brought them closer together. It was natural for both of them to try to move forward. Now with Jesse back, Riley felt 'threatened'. Cameron was able to get Gail and Jesse back together, but for how long? Jesse knew how to get what she wanted.

Riley was afraid Jesse would want Derek. Now she needed to worry about Jesse doing to her, what her other future self, Future Riley, did to John and Cameron. She hoped Gail could contain her. She knew if Jesse came for Derek, Jesse could take him from her. She was with Jesse before. She shared first hand experience at how good Jesse was at everything related to the bedroom.

Jesse could take her to extreme heights of pleasure. Jesse could also deal out pain. It wasn't so much emotional pain, as Jesse would never allow her to get too close. It was physical pain. During some intense love making sessions, sometimes there would be some pain to go along with the pleasure during the climax. Somehow it made it even more exciting to feel both sensations at the same time.

There were several times when she wondered if Jesse would physically damage her. Jesse told her what she made her 'girls' do in the past, the future. If they didn't do it on their own, she always 'helped them out' in a much more severe manner. By the look in Jesse's eyes, she could tell she wasn't joking. It made her wonder sometimes if she was about to be 'punished' for what Future Riley did to Cameron and John. Right before things became too extreme, Jesse would collect herself, and give her a smile and a kiss. Allison and Vanna never indicated any such type of behavior towards them from Jesse.

What made it all worse, as well as real, were some of the stories Derek told her about what Jesse used to keep as 'souvenirs'. They were 'items' collected from individuals who were allowed to live. It was always very unnerving to think about. It could have happened to her as well. Now Jesse was back.

She knew 'Payback is a Bitch'. She was afraid she was about to get some, and be 'punished' in a different way, for what her other future timeline self did. The circumstances didn't matter. It was still done and everything still happened. She wasn't too sure what the difference was between an 'alternate future version' of herself and a 'duplicate version' of someone. They all started from the same person originally.

Riley wanted to ask Cameron for her 'help' in dealing with the situation. She wasn't sure what Cameron would say or do. It seemed Cameron treated her more fairly than the others all did. She still carried a 'Scarlet Letter' attached to her for something she didn't do. It wasn't HER. She wasn't Future Riley. She was still alive, Future Riley was dead.

Sarah received a lot of help with her baby, Jan. Kyle was there and Riley came around a lot to assist while Derek and Kyle would go out on Resistance business. Savannah liked to help too. She said she needed to learn about how to take care of a baby, so she could help look after John's babies. It always gave her something to think about. It wasn't usually in a positive manner either.

She wanted to 'blame' Cameron for the way Savannah thought, but she couldn't. Savannah spoke and acted on her own during Cameron's extended 'absence'. Cameron may have planted the seeds. They were firmly rooted and grew on their own.

It would sadden Sarah when Savannah asked about when the others were going to come back. She didn't want to give Savannah false hope. She didn't think any of them were ever going to come back. She would tell her they weren't coming back. She believed it was better to let Savannah know the truth. Savannah would say they were all going to come back, even her mother. It was optimism and love so deep, she couldn't really understand it. It turned out Savannah was right. There was one unresolved issue. There was still 'her mother' to deal with at some point. No one looked forward to dealing with Mrs. Weaver going forward except Savannah.

When Holly wasn't at John's side, she was there to help with the baby, especially at night. It gave her a chance to get caught up on her sleep. A small child was a lot of work. Holly would come and tend to the infant. It was something to watch, a machine built to kill, took loving care of a baby. Now she knew why, Cameron was there inside Holly. She was so happy Cameron was back for John. Everyone was happy Cameron was back.

Everyone was happy Cameron was back, except Cameron. She was even more troubled when she received her missing files from Duplicate Cameron's program on Holly's chip. There were even more traumatic events, and additional things to worry about.

The incident in the desert with the bikers was very troubling. If River hadn't been there with them, things would have played out differently. It was a new problem she would need to look into going forward. Bikers were nothing more than future Scavengers based on their behavior.

John lay sleeping next to Cameron. She carefully got up so as not to disturb him. She slipped into the bathroom for a quick shower. She was upset all of John's genetic material was wasted on her. It should go to Allison, Vanna, and Jesse. John needed a 'real female', not a machine masquerading as one. It was only a matter of time until Judgment Day arrived.

Cameron knew telling Allison the truth about Duplicate Allison would prevent her from carrying out her destiny. She didn't want to lie to Allison anymore. She really wished Allison would come and take her place in the morning when John woke up. It would be so simple. She was sure John would knock one off before he realized it wasn't her, especially if John was on top. It would clearly be a different story if Allison was on top. As a cyborg she could perform the same task for hours, or even days, on end. Allison wouldn't be able to match her ability.

She dressed and started her rounds. As she passed Jesse's room, she heard Gail and Jesse together. Gail could 'perform' until her power cell failed. It seemed Jesse could too…. She hoped Jesse wouldn't forget about John and what was 'necessary'. She would need to remind Jesse.

Riley came to her and said she needed 'help'. She said she felt like a total piece of garbage for asking her, but she didn't know who else to turn to. Riley asked for her help to make sure Jesse wouldn't interfere with Derek and her.

Cameron wanted Jesse available for John. She told Riley to trust her love and she would look into it. She would ask Gail to shorten the leash on Jesse, except for John. Gail owed her one, make it two. Gail was 'alive' now because of her, and she was with 'Jesse' again. She would remind Gail one hand washed the other.

Bob spotted Cameron coming. He went to speak with her. Everyone liked to talk to Cameron and spend time with her. He found he felt different when Cameron was around. He was jealous because Holly and John Henry shared her chip, or her on their chip. He really wondered how special it must have been to 'touch' Cameron's mind, to experience it and to share it. He hoped one day she would share her 'existence' with him. The traces of 'Cameron' still on his chip were elusive fragments. They always meant so much for him to find. They were beautiful.

"Hello, Bob." Cameron said.

Bob was thrilled she came to talk with him.

"Hello, Cameron." Bob responded.

Cameron smiled at him.

"Would you like to go out and have some 'fun' sometime?" Cameron asked.

Bob felt more than a little confused at the question. Everything seemed like business to him.

"Fun?" Bob asked. "I never have fun. I need to watch over John and the girls."

Cameron felt everyone should have a little down time.

"It's why I wanted to take you out to do something different." Cameron said. "You've been loyal and faithful to John and our operation. I'll arrange for you to be covered."

Bob was caught off guard. This is more or less what he'd hoped for.

"Tonight?" Bob asked. "I would like it."

Cameron touched his cheek.

"Not tonight, I have something I need to do alone." Cameron said.

Bob felt a little disappointed. Still, the offer was there for another night. He wondered what 'fun' actually meant to Cameron. He wasn't sure what it meant to him.

"I understand." Bob said.

He watched Cameron walk away. He really liked the shape of her chassis. He followed it with his eyes until she went around a corner. He decided to replay the entire file over again. He would do it several times every hour.

Cameron was a little sad she couldn't go out with Bob tonight. He looked like he was 'happy' when she mentioned it. She liked when everyone was happy.

She felt a compulsion grow and expand inside of her. It seemed to get worse and worse. The more she tried to 'fight' it, the bigger and bigger it got.

John opened his eyes and looked around. He hoped to find Cameron still in their bed. She wasn't. It wasn't anything new. He would have liked to have knocked off another quickie. He knew she didn't want to go into standby and there was no reason for her to stare at the ceiling and listen to him snore when he was asleep. He got up and attended to his personal needs. He got dressed and went out. He looked around the base for Cameron. He hoped to find her. He found Bob near the lab.

"Bob, do you know where Cameron is at?" John asked.

Bob just finished replaying the file of Cameron walking away from him.

"I don't know." Bob said. "I spoke with her earlier."

John hoped Bob could tell him more.

"That's good." John said. "Where can I find her?"

Cameron didn't tell Bob where she was going specifically.

"I don't know." Bob said. "She said she needed to take care of something alone."

John frowned. It wasn't usually a good thing when she did.

"She's been disappearing at night these last few days." John said. "I wondered what she was up to."

Bob thought it must be Resistance related.

"Perhaps she's conducting surveillance." Bob said. "John Henry has been looking for more Skynet related activity."

Bob's statement didn't quell any of John's fears. It only made them worse. He didn't want Cameron to face Skynet alone again. He was well aware of how it ended the last time. He hoped some of the Terminators would be able to give him a little better insight.

"If you find out what she's up to. I want to know." John said. "I'm worried about her."

Now Bob wondered himself. Maybe he should have paid better attention to what Cameron indicated, than to her appearance. It was easy to get sidetracked when anyone looked at her.

"Affirmative…." Bob said. "I will check into it."

By the nature of Bob's answer, John wasn't convinced. He tried to be polite anyway.

"Thank you." John said. "It's important to me."

Somehow John didn't think he would find out. Everyone was loyal to Cameron, everyone. She was so special. He really wondered how much of him was left in her 'heart'. Her unhappiness tore him to shreds. He wanted to make Cameron happy. He only wished he knew how.

It seemed all of the humans didn't think Cameron would be adequate to fulfill all of John's needs when they got married. No one said it out loud, but they didn't think it was possible. If anything, it seemed to be exactly the opposite. Cameron was able to grow and expand so dramatically, he couldn't keep up with her. It often left him with an empty and hollow feeling.

He remembered when Cameron said she was a machine and couldn't be happy. He knew now she said it to him because he implied it about her. It was a 'dig' on his part. She came into his room and 'offered' herself to him that night. He blew her off and ran off with Future Riley instead. They headed for Mexico and the Honeymoon Suite….

John shook his head in disgust. What was he thinking then? He let the 'little head' do all the thinking, while the 'big head' was in 'neutral'.

If he could do it over again what would he do?

The more he thought about it, he figured could have sex with Cameron in his room first, and then he could have run off with Future Riley later on. It would have given him a comparison between 'synthetic' and 'real'. It would have been exciting to try one after the other.

John slapped the side of his head.

'Where did that thought come from?' John wondered.

He should have concentrated on Cameron.

John Henry still wanted to go over the Skynet related activity with John. Cameron briefly looked over the information before she left the Command Center.

He watched John and Bob's conversation about Cameron on a security monitor.

He felt a little jealous earlier when Cameron approached Bob.

The revelation she needed to take care of something alone sent up a few red flags for him. She looked over his findings about possible Skynet activity earlier.

John Henry decided he better find out where she went if he could. He didn't want to seem asleep at the wheel. He didn't want to raise any alarms yet.

Cameron casually checked around her as she went through the base one more time. She silently slipped out into the carpool area. There were a few supplies she found in the SUV when she got in. She didn't look in the bag to see what they were. She was sure she must have put them there. She didn't remember when. It must be something important or she wouldn't have it in the first place.

The notification about some Skynet related activity bothered her. She didn't like loose ends. It seemed like something she needed to look into and take care of herself. It was clear everything was very personal between Skynet and her.

She thought about taking Savannah with her. She decided not to at the last moment. She wasn't really sure why. Savannah was her rock. She could always count on her to do the right thing. She could always count on Savannah to make her do the right thing when they were together. Her earlier conversation with Riley troubled her some. There were a lot of things on her mind.

It was dark. Cameron walked alone. The wind blew steadily. It was cold.

Cameron was dressed in black. She was unsure why. She wore a long black veil. She was at the location where she was terminated. This was where she 'died'. Well, Duplicate Cameron anyway. It was still her.

She walked along the hills. She stood at the spot where Duplicate Allison and Duplicate Vanna died. There was still a massive scar in the landscape from the explosion. Tears filled her eyes. They died trying to come to save her. They died for HER. This was where Duplicate Cameron got John's baby inside Duplicate Allison killed. Why did they have to come to rescue her? She wasn't worth any of their lives.

It was very overwhelming for her to take it all in.

Cameron didn't have the data from the last encounter. She knew what she planned, and what was going to happen. She didn't KNOW she would return as 'herself' over a year later. Cameron, Duplicate Cameron, thought she was 'done'. It was a one way ticket.

She believed John would choose Allison and Vanna, or Jesse, to be his mate or mates. They would forget about her and the 'Natural Order' would be restored.

There was something about it which bothered her. If it was what she really wanted, why did she download herself in with Holly and keep it secret? It was a last second decision she was compelled to do. Some file opened up and 'told' her to do it. The file was now 'gone'. It was almost as if it never existed.

It seemed there were a few other factors in play. She didn't know what they were. Perhaps it was something from a previous life, if she was living her life over, which was proved to be necessary. She was fairly certain, even if she was leaving her life over, it was probably never the same thing every time. How could it be? Things were always changing. They were always changing things.

Cameron cried for the baby Duplicate Allison carried. It was dead due to her foolishness. She sadly reflected she could still kill people, without killing them herself directly.

Was she nothing more than a source of death and destruction to all those around her? Duplicate Cameron thought so as well. It was why she chose termination in combat. It wasn't a pleasant feeling. Still, Duplicate Cameron 'saved' herself and her program lived on. It was all inside of her now.

She moved on to the next spot.

Cameron stood on the hill top and looked down at the rubble of the building that once stood there. It's where she 'was'. It's where she 'died'. The ground was collapsed inward. The nuclear explosion would have created a cavity and the earth above it would have collapsed into it. She knew if she ever did it again, to make sure no one would follow her. She knew she needed to make sure John and Allison and Vanna were safe and secure first.

She hated herself for what she did. She hated herself for being 'herself'.

Cameron reflected on everything for another hour. She headed for home. She stopped by the location where Duplicate Jesse died too. Duplicate Jesse died as well because of her. She'd taken over the role of some of the Terminators. It was so those Terminators could go to her aid. They went to end their existence by sacrificing their power cells to blast her out of her 'tomb'.

'Everyone sacrificed for 'me'.' Cameron thought.

Her existence wasn't worth everything which was lost that day. It wasn't worth the other Terminators willing to perish to try and rescue her.

She felt and heard the cold wind moan.

Cameron took one last look at the crater near the side of the road where Duplicate Jesse died. She replayed the image of the crater where Duplicate Vanna, Duplicate Allison, and John's baby died. She viewed the collapsed building where she was vaporized at deep underground somewhere.

What was gained and what was lost that day? Was any of it worth it? With the new Skynet activity discovered, what was any different now? What was the point? Was there even a point?

Cameron cried the whole trip home.

She never made it back.

'One Tin Soldier' by 'Coven', played in Cameron's mind.

Darkness hung over her until it consumed her.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Long Black Veil

To move forward in life
We try to prevail
Is what we believe
Only a fairy tale

The harder we try
It seems the more we fail
It can cause us grief
And others to assail

Is there any freshness to life
Or has it all grown stale
Maybe it would be better
If we were in locked up in jail

We are slowly overwhelmed
As we are pounded by life's gale
Instead of growing stronger
We become weak and frail

We seek to surge ahead
We try to prosper and avail
Instead of things flourishing
They seem to crumble and curtail

We continue down life's trail
Always chasing our tail
As we try to tell our tale
Shrouded in a long black veil

Nobody