Chapter 174

Detailed

Cameron was in a deep state of depression. The feeling occurred more frequently now. The episode on the train recently only seemed to reinforce it. It wasn't something she wanted to embrace, even as it embraced her. It seemed to be fueled by internal conflicts which arose from her programming by Future John, and what she wanted to do, her own self will.

She was aware how Savannah always made her feel. She knew whenever she was having a problem, Savannah could stop it immediately. She knew Savannah was the 'Chosen One'. Nobody else could have the same effect on her, not even John. She thought John being around at those times actually made it worse. What he did with Future Riley always would 'appear' between them.

Cameron was unsure how much longer she was going to be around. The combat was on and off. It was never steady. She tried to deal with as much of it herself as she could so the others wouldn't need to face the danger. The body armor she wore now helped prevent a lot of damage to her. It made a difference. She wasn't sure how much more cosmetic damage she could sustain in the same areas and have them continue to regenerate properly. Those worries added to her emotional stress.

There was always an impending sense of doom which would arise at some point. She began to intensify her training of Savannah. She was going to push Savannah at everything, and then push her some more even harder. She was aware Savannah was the best of them all. She never neglected the arts in her training. She wanted Savannah to excel in everything and be well rounded. She would try to make Savannah into the 'human version' of herself. She didn't know how much time she would have to get things all done. She didn't like the 'negative' feedback from Sarah and Vanna in this regard.

Sarah would often step in and put the brakes on for her. She wanted Savannah to have time to grow up as a girl and a teenager. She often worried about her own shortcomings in raising John. She did the best she could under the circumstances. She never thought she would win 'Mother Of The Year'. There were extenuating circumstances involved with what she did to protect John. She kept John alive and out of jail. She was sure it should count for something. She wanted Savannah to have some time for herself and to be what she was.

Vanna was Savannah. She was an older version of Savannah from a different timeline. She knew what she went through growing up where she came from. She wanted to make sure Savannah would never face any of those same challenges. She didn't like Cameron to push Savannah so much. She did like the fact Savannah would better be able to protect herself going forward. She would kill any man, or anyone, who attempted to abuse Savannah in any way. There were times where she was close to doing it. It was just by the way they looked at Savannah, or if they looked at her for too long. If not for the Terminators which always accompanied them, it probably would have happened.

Cameron felt she knew what was best for everyone. If she lived her life more than once, maybe it was where the feeling emanated from. There was still no proof she'd ever done so. There was one question which nagged at her in this regard. If she didn't actually remember anything, how could she know what was best for everyone else?

Destiny called to Cameron. She could feel it. Time was running short.

John Henry gathered all the information on a new Skynet start up. John decided to hit them hard and heavy. There were fourteen Terminators at their disposal. Eight were currently tied up on protection duty. Cameron would allow nothing less on the 'Details'. The 'Day Of Loss' was forever burnt into her mind. The children of the future were almost terminated. The future was almost terminated and it would have been her fault…. She wasn't about to let it happen again. It didn't matter if it was actually Duplicate Cameron who almost dropped the ball. Duplicate Cameron was her.

It left six Terminators for combat. John assigned Vanna and Allison to Young Allison's Detail to free up one more. Jesse and Gail would replace two on the Reese detail to free up another one. It would give them eight Terminators.

John would lead two Terminators, Kyle and Derek would both lead three Terminators each.

Cameron watched John strip all the Terminators away for combat. It didn't go over well with her. There were others who needed protection as well.

"What about the bunker?" Cameron asked. "Who's protecting Savannah, Sarah, Jan, and Riley?"

John didn't think it was a big deal. They shouldn't be gone too long. He felt he'd taken adequate precautions.

"Mr. Ellison and Mom are on the highest alert." John said. "They're prepared for any trouble."

Cameron wanted better protection for the base. If a hostile Terminator showed up, everyone at the base would be in jeopardy. They possessed the weapons to stop it, but it could also inflict a great amount of damage before they did.

"It's not good enough." Cameron said. "I'll stay myself to protect them."

Holly wanted John and Cameron to be together. She didn't like to see the friction between them. She did understand Cameron's concern more so than she did John's lack of concern. She wanted to offer them a simple solution.

"I'll stay to assist Sarah, the baby, Riley, and Savannah." Holly said. "You can go with John, Cameron."

John was displeased with it. He felt it left his plan shorthanded. He felt it left them back at square one. It would be like business as usual instead of a well coordinated assault.

"It leaves one team short." John said. "If we leave one Terminator, it should be John Henry to coordinate everything as it is on a normal operation."

John Henry wanted to go out and participate with the rest of the team. He was usually stuck at the base. He felt the need to say something. He really wanted to go on the operation to Lake Tahoe to retrieve Cameron during her time of confusion. He still felt very 'short changed' he wasn't allowed to go.

"I wish to do my part to serve in combat." John Henry said. "I'll share the risks and possible termination the same as everyone else does. I feel it should be part of the rotational duties."

John understood his point of view. He also needed to consider Cameron's suggestions. If something happened at the base there could be multiple terminations of the personnel left behind.

"It's admirable, but we must think of the big picture and see the whole thing." John said. "Cameron is right. I want one Terminator here to watch over the females and the base. I don't want any surprises."

"We go as three teams." Cameron said. "John, Bob, and Holly will be Team One. Kyle, Three, and Al will be Team Two. Derek, Ed, and Two will be Team Three. I'll reinforce any team as necessary."

Holly could see what Cameron actually wanted to do. She believed it was a risky move on Cameron's part. She wanted to make her opinion known, even if it wasn't broadcast throughout the group.

"The 'translation' is, Cameron has decided to be one team by herself." Holly whispered to Bob.

Cameron glanced over at Holly and Bob.

"Does everyone agree?" Cameron asked.

It seemed workable to John. He wanted to get the job done. He wanted to hit Skynet hard. He wanted some payback for what happened on the hillside on 'The Day Of Loss'.

"It sounds like a plan." John said.

John thought the same thing as Holly, even though he didn't hear her. Cameron was an army of one, everyone knew it. He also knew if he pushed the issue with Cameron it would continue to create additional friction between them. He didn't want anyone upset before an operation. He especially didn't want Cameron to try to prove anything on her own, when she was on her own. There were already enough problems for them to deal with.

Allison felt she was being sidelined by being detailed. She was a trained Resistance fighter. She went on a lot of operations in the past, the future. She never sat anything out, or let someone else need to take her place if she didn't go. She always went. She did her job. She did her duty. She did it well too.

"I don't want to get stuck on protection duty." Allison said.

Vanna thought it was safer for Allison. It allowed them some time with each other on an assignment. They would have some 'down time' on the Detail. The 'down time' would allow them to be with each other. She didn't want Allison to get worked up over nothing.

"Think of it as us being able to spend time alone together." Vanna said.

Allison saw it a little differently.

"You mean time 'alone' along with two Terminator chaperones." Allison added. "Where is the alone part?"

Vanna worked on a plan to get around it. There were times when certain things would need to be done. She planned to take advantage of those times. She could also ask them to turn down their hearing when they were together. She was pretty sure every Terminator knew exactly what they were doing when they were alone in their room, if they walked by near the area anyway.

"I've talked to both of them. Jim will make sure Dan and him are on patrol when we're 'together'." Vanna said. "We can make it work."

Allison looked deep into Vanna's eyes. She moved forward. She slowly and deeply kissed Vanna. They both held the kiss until they literally took each other's breath away.

"It looks like they'll be on patrol a lot." Allison said.

Vanna prepared the Terminators for it.

"I already told them the same thing too." Vanna said as she winked. "They're already out…."

Allison reached over and pulled Vanna's top slowly over her head.

Vanna did the same for Allison….

Vanna stared at Allison's bare breasts. She told Allison she found out Cameron wore nipple rings for a time. She showed Allison some images on the internet of females with nipple rings.

Allison was intrigued with the idea. She said she would think about it, if Vanna thought about it too. She liked rings over a stud or barbell. She thought rings made a bold statement. She actually liked a larger diameter, as well as a thicker gauge over the smaller versions. They stood out more.

The thought of Vanna's pink nipples with rings excited Allison. It excited her even more so after viewing many images online when she was alone. With the images in her mind, she needed to take care of 'business'. It happened more than once.

Allison decided to ask Cameron when she did it again, if she could see for herself how she would look 'herself'. It would also give her an excuse to look at and touch Cameron. It didn't matter if they were identical. It was the fact it was Cameron which mattered. She, like everyone else, loved Cameron.

Even if their general appearance was the same, she still didn't feel Cameron and her looked the same. Cameron always looked like a beauty queen. She believed she was just average. There were times when Cameron fixed her up and made her look Tight. It was only during those times where she felt Cameron and her looked identical. Cameron made them look like twins. It was something she could never do on her own, even with Vanna's help.

She was sure she knew what the deeper issue was. In the past, the future, she came from, it was bad for a female to be noticed by a male or males. The chance 'something' might happen to them later on was extremely likely. It wouldn't be anything good either.

Jesse and Gail were alone on the protection Detail. The two male Terminators were out on patrol. It was a 'suggestion' from Jesse.

It seemed being on the Detail with Jesse brought up bad 'memories' for Gail. Jesse wanted to work through them with Gail. It didn't look easy.

Jesse knew Gail still dealt with the grief over the loss of Duplicate Jesse. It bothered her to see Gail 'suffer' over it sometimes. She didn't see any way to 'fix' what happened. She needed to work through similar events in the past, the future. It was one of the reasons why she didn't let anyone get too close to her. She was able to separate sex from love to achieve personal satisfaction. It was one thing she lived for. When she reached the climax, nothing else mattered during those moments. The more she could experience, the better. She didn't care how it was done. There were multiple ways to do it. Those moments were the only time where she could make all the pain and hurt go away. She didn't want Gail to feel like she did on so many occasions.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jesse asked Gail. "I'll do what I can to help you.

Gail wasn't good at this type of human interaction. Her programming was nowhere near as advanced as Cameron's was. The issues were very hard and painful for her to deal with.

"I don't know if I can talk about it." Gail said. "I've been unable to do it so far."

Jesse didn't believe similar issues were easy for her to talk about either. It was easier to run and hide from them than it was to face them. Maybe they could face them together.

"Gail, I'm here now. I'm the same 'Jesse'." Jesse said. "We're both the same person. We're identical, even if we were separate. We weren't from different timelines or clones. We were actually Duplicates of each other."

Gail looked distraught. She wasn't sure about it. It made her feel very uncomfortable.

"I don't know." Gail said.

Jesse reached out and touched Gail's cheek. She wanted to show her personal support.

"It's me - Jesse." Jesse said.

Gail teared up. She wasn't good at dealing with emotions either. They seemed to quickly overwhelm her. She thought about the events which occurred along the side of the road in Palmdale. It was the reason why they weren't on the Young Detail now.

"I saw you die. I was fighting for my life. You came to help me and then you were grabbed. You used a Thermite grenade to finish off the Terminator you were fighting. I saw the crater where you died in the explosion of his power cell…." Gail said. She looked about ready to shut down again. "You came to help ME. You died trying to save me."

Jesse felt she would have done exactly the same thing Duplicate Jesse did. It was the right thing to do to protect someone. It was the only thing to do to protect someone you cared about and loved. She moved up and kissed Gail.

"Gail, it's over. I'm here now. We have each other." Jesse said. "It's all we need."

Gail looked at Jesse and wanted some way to protect her. She'd already failed her once.

"I love you, Jesse. I love YOU." Gail said.

Jesse didn't like to see Gail like this. It was painful to her to need to witness it.

"I love you too, love." Jesse said.

They held each other and silently cried.

Gail, like Cameron, was forced to relive the past horrors as if they just occurred. They replayed at full intensity, over and over. The pain and hurt never dulled, it only seemed to intensify with each reoccurrence. It always made it worse, never better….

She scanned Jesse as she held her. It gave her comfort to know Jesse and Duplicate Jesse always scanned as identical. There was no difference between them at all. Things were still the same, even if they weren't. Events certainly could have played out differently in a much more negative way.

John went over the location of the strike with John Henry. It was a heavily fortified place for a direct assault. They would need a more clandestine approach. He didn't want to use the Terminator method of going in the front door.

"How do they always get these places in solid rock?" John asked. "I think they're 'bunker buster' bomb proof."

John Henry thought it was a good move on Skynet's part.

"Most were old mines, there are thousands of them scattered around." John Henry said. "Most of the work is already done for them. They just need to move in and get a power source of some type."

John didn't like the danger they possessed for the group. He just hoped none of them were Coltan mines. So far none of them appeared to be.

"At least they don't have a large supply of Coltan to work with." John said. "The last thing we need are HK assembly lines being set up in our time period."

John Henry was aware Skynet in this time period could use other materials. It was much the same way Skynet always started out.

"No, they don't have access to a lot of Coltan, but they use Titanium, Tungsten and the highest grades of steel, which are almost as tough." John Henry said.

John wanted to concentrate on the facts. The fact was, nothing else was Coltan.

"Almost, but not quite, it still gives us the edge for now." John said. "At least we were able to harvest Coltan from some of the other Future Terminators we've terminated."

There was an additional bonus they were able to obtain.

"As well as some extra chips I've reprogrammed, if we can obtain some more chassis…." John Henry said.

"We need some extra Terminators." John said. "I would like to have twenty to twenty-five Terminators available for our use."

John Henry looked around. There was a more pressing issue which needed to be discussed.

"Cameron has asked me to replace her chip with one I've reprogrammed, again." John Henry said.

John knew what it meant. Cameron would be 'gone' and her chassis would be just another Terminator at that point. He was very concerned over the issue.

"Did you hide them?" John asked worriedly.

John Henry needed to face Cameron's anger over the issue.

"Yes, she was upset I wouldn't tell her where they were." John Henry said.

It was an ongoing issue with Cameron. It provoked a whole series of events tied to it, and her quest to be 'free'.

"I don't know how to make her feel happy. I don't know what she wants. I don't know what to do." John said somewhat defeated. "It's like it keeps getting worse and never better."

John Henry could see there was a lot of illogic involved with it.

"No one knows. I don't think Cameron knows either." John Henry said. "It's the problem. Cameron wants to 'fix' things she's not even sure what they are."

John hated going on an operation like this with Cameron fixated on her own issues. She needed to be at one hundred percent for these things. He too was sure Cameron didn't even know what she wanted anymore.

"I agree." John said. "Let's gear up and go, you keep us updated…."

It was time for Cameron to make preparations for the upcoming mission. Instead, she was lost in a world of her own thoughts. It wasn't the time for her personal grief. It didn't seem to matter. She neglected her duties and withdrew into herself.

Cameron sat alone, tears rolled down her cheeks as she thought. She selected a song to comfort her. She didn't know how to 'fix' herself. She felt so alone….

'You've Got To Hide Your Love Away', by 'The Beatles', drifted through Cameron's thoughts.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Hate Love

LOVE, I HATE IT
Love to everyone is something BAD
Somehow it's all WRONG
It's beyond comprehension and so sad

Why is it somehow all backwards
That's why love always fails
Is love just sex to all
Nothing more than lies, myth, and tales

When one came wanting sex
They were given love instead
When they felt its power and depth
They saw 'their life' it would shred

The price of love was banishment
Where they can't even look at or speak to you
I HATE LOVE
To save themselves I was slew

Problem, Mistake, Wrong, Not Good Enough
It's all the same
What's the difference
Blame, Shame, Game, Maim

I look at all the world's evil
I try to be someone nice and good
Oh Dear Lord
PLEASE don't let me be misunderstood

So few really have or understand love
But THOSE WORDS must never be SAID
Oh Dear Lord
PLEASE let me die tonight in bed

Nobody