Chapter 180

Would You

Slowly the word spread around the base about Cameron's latest antics and what she'd already 'done' to herself.

Vanna was more than a little shocked. She sought out Allison.

"Did you hear what Cameron has done?" Vanna asked. "It is hard to believe or comprehend."

Allison understood the severity of it all. She was able to help Cameron restore her right breast with a new infusion of her DNA before. Based upon the current measures Cameron took with this episode, it didn't seem like it would help this time. The real problem was the underlying issue.

"Yes. She's attempting self termination again. Sarah told me she altered her DNA. Her body will no longer look like mine." Allison said. "She won't be able to use my DNA to restore herself."

The fact Cameron wanted to alter her anatomy was a real head shaker to Vanna. She knew it was to 'force' Allison and her to act now. Once she understood the nature of the alteration, she wished it was something she could have done growing up in the Wastelands. It probably wouldn't have mattered much. They just would have flipped her over. They'd done it a lot anyway. She really could never see why. She didn't want to think about the past, the future.

"I can't understand it. It appears she did it to alter her chassis 'function' as a female." Vanna said. "She's forcing John away from her by doing this. He'll need to seek 'sexual comfort' elsewhere now."

Allison wanted to do something for Cameron. She wanted to do something other than warm John's bed. There must be some way to help her mentally. Maybe she was beyond reason at this point. The severity of her actions seemed to indicate it.

"How can we help her?" Allison asked. "Can we help her? I want to help her."

It really made her wonder about all the files Future John erased from Cameron. Maybe there was more to it than erasing her sexual history, if there was one. Maybe it was something like this. It sure seemed like there were some files which needed altering or erasing in Cameron right now.

Vanna thought they were too late.

"We can't. She encrypted the files with the same unbreakable code as the TDE." Vanna said. "She needs to have files deleted and erased from her system. I don't know how else to help her stop these thoughts."

Allison thought it was extreme. It would alter the 'Cameron' they knew. It wouldn't be the same 'Cameron' at that point. What would they really be fixing?

"It would change who she is and who she's become. It would create a different 'Cameron'. Can't she see how this must be hurting John?" Allison asked. "It has to be killing him. It's hurting us as well, all of us."

Vanna knew how they blindly followed Cameron before when she tried extreme behavior. It led to a lot of things happening. Now they were too late. Cameron already started things into motion. It was the finality of it which bothered her. There was an even deeper underlying concern which needed to be addressed.

"What's worse is she wants to replace her chip with a standard one. She wants a new one without 'her' programming on it and to destroy her chip. It would terminate her as we know her, while changing the appearance and function of her body. Everything will be different. It will be the same chassis but with a different 'inside and outside'." Vanna said. "Cameron would be 'gone'. She needs help."

Vanna wanted to get a hold of Cameron's chip before she crushed it. She would go through her program and try and 'fix' her.

"Where does it leave John?" Allison asked.

They both knew the answer to the question. It would be with them in John's bed.

"It leaves him right where Cameron wants him, with US." Vanna said.

Allison was willing to follow Cameron anywhere before. Maybe it was time to do what she wanted them to do. It went against what little moral fabric she possessed. If it would 'save' Cameron, she would do it. She was ready to act, even if Vanna wasn't.

"It's a total obsession with her." Allison said. "Vanna, maybe we need to do what she wants. Maybe we can bargain with her, tell her we will be with John in his bed and at his side if she promises not to terminate herself. I'll do it in a heartbeat if we can prevent her from self terminating. I'll do ANYTHING to save her."

Vanna understood it was one aspect. There were other factors which still needed to be addressed or erased.

"She can't get past Future John sending her away. She sees it as being thrown away like trash. She can't get past OUR John rejecting her and choosing Future Riley before. She sees it as being replaced again and discarded like rubbish." Vanna said. "Those thoughts torment and haunt her. Everyone goes down the path she is on at some point. We're able to filter out what we need to, to go on and move ahead. She sees things 'differently'. Time can't dull her pain."

Vanna briefly thought of her past and what was done to her by so many. She thought of death to escape too. She was able to push those thoughts away most of the time now. Time gave her some distance. She really wondered what it would do to her if she couldn't and they were all in her mind like each one just happened. She would feel just like Cameron.

Allison wondered why some things didn't seem to matter which should.

"But she has John NOW." Allison said. "Why can't she accept it?"

Vanna knew it was because of her program.

"Because she can't forget the past, and relives it like it just happened, over and over." Vanna said. "Every event is like it just happened, one after another."

Allison reflected on a lot of the 'bad' things which happened to her. She didn't want to even go there again. They weren't just sexual things either. There were all kinds of bad things which happened in the past, the future.

"I can't imagine it." Allison said. "I would go insane if it happened to me with every 'bad thing'."

It seemed to Vanna to get the things one wanted weren't always good enough, or led to additional issues.

"How does the saying go?" Vanna asked. "'Be careful what you wish for, you might get it'."

The word 'wish' triggered some new worries for Allison.

"It's her 'one wish' which bothers me." Allison said.

Vanna knew Cameron's first poem well.

"It's the wish to never have existed by not being born or built?" Vanna asked.

Allison remembered the extremes they went to before. What was the real final product of it?

"Yes, that's the one. We blindly followed her into the future to help her achieve her goal." Allison asked. "Are we in some different future or alternate timeline too?"

Vanna thought of the same thing herself. She also contemplated some of the possibilities. Some of them were quite intriguing, as well as appealing to her.

"It's possible." Vanna said. "If you came across your Duplicate, or an alternate version of yourself, would you?"

The smile on Vanna's face gave away the true nature of her question.

Allison laughed. The question really was would she be with 'herself'?

"Maybe, if I wasn't a Total Bitch." Allison said. "Before Cameron clarified what happened with my dead Duplicate, I thought she was a Total Bitch. The thought made me feel like a Total Bitch."

Vanna wasn't sure she would have felt quite as bad, but she would have felt bad.

"I would have felt about the same." Vanna said. "I asked Jesse about coming across her Duplicate self once."

Allison smiled again. She liked the thought.

"I already know the answer." Allison said. "It would be HOT to watch."

Vanna thought of it as a little more. Maybe it was a little selfish.

"It would even hotter if there was one of her for each of us to be with." Vanna said.

Allison liked the idea but knew her Terminator girlfriend could handle Jesse, and Duplicate Jesse, if there were two of her without a problem. They both watched Gail with Jesse in her room.

"One thing is for sure, two of Jesse wouldn't even slow Gail down one bit." Allison said.

Both girls laughed. They needed something to get their minds off what Cameron was doing and apparently already did. The pain would be back soon enough. Cameron didn't understand how she affected all of them.

They knew Cameron didn't understand they all felt her pain and everything she did to hurt herself, hurt them too.

When they ran out of things to distract them or joke about, the pain and sadness for both of them quickly returned. It was very discouraging.

Derek, Kyle, Jim, and Mel remained hidden near the former Skynet location. They observed the two men search through the remains of the structure. They watch them for several hours. Occasionally the men would pick something up and look at it. They would always set it back down a short time later.

"I don't think there's too much for these guys to find." Derek said.

Jim was on the raid when it occurred.

"Everything related to Skynet was either destroyed or confiscated." Jim said.

Kyle excused himself from the group. He needed to take care of some personal business. He moved several trees over from the main group so he wasn't a distraction. He looked around to make sure it was clear before he started to relieve himself. He was done a short time later.

He was about to go back towards the group when he heard something. He remained where he was at and moved closer to a tree. He was a little surprised to see a deer. It instantly reminded him of the time Derek killed one when he was very young. He didn't understand how things worked then. He felt a sense of guilt now as he looked at it.

The deer would take a few steps and pause. It would look around for any danger. It would take a few more steps and repeat the same procedure over and over. At one point the deer started to walk again but instantly stopped. It looked over in his direction. They shared eye contact for a moment before the deer ran off.

Kyle took one more look around the area and headed back towards the group.

Derek was about to go look for Kyle when he returned.

"I thought you got lost." Derek joked.

Kyle thought he did get lost. He wasn't lost physically. He was lost in the past.

"I spotted a deer." Kyle said. "I watched it walk and look around before it ran off."

Derek figured it was the same deer he spotted earlier.

"I saw it too." Derek said. "I didn't want to say anything."

Evidently both of the Reese brothers thought the same thing when they spotted the deer.

Mel listened to the two humans talk. It was clear they shared some type of connection to the animal. More than likely it was one similar to it. He was just about to ask about it when he spotted the two men emerge from the remains of the building.

"The two men are out." Mel said.

Jim spotted them as well.

"It looks like they have something." Jim said.

Derek and Kyle both looked.

"What is it?" Derek asked. "Did we miss something?"

Mel and Jim both zoomed in on what the men carried.

"It just looks like some trash or debris." Jim said.

The two men looked at what they carried out for a few minutes and left most of it behind. They only carried a few small items. They started back towards the tree line near where the Resistance team waited.

"I told you it wasn't nothing." The first man said.

"The place is burnt to the ground." The second man said. "We weren't going to find anything anyway. Let's just go back and get our money. We have something to show we were actually there."

Jim and Kyle followed the men from a distance.

Derek and Mel hung back to make sure there wasn't a tail on either group.

Jim and Kyle were able to parallel them in and get in front of them. They hoped to find their vehicle before the men arrived. If they could put a tracker on it, it would make following them much easier.

"I see it." Jim said. "I can make it there and back before they show up."

Kyle watched the trail the men were on while Jim made his move. Jim was back to his position before the two men came down the trail and headed for their car.

"I found this." Jim said.

Kyle looked at it. He was a little surprised.

"It's a bomb." Kyle said.

Jim didn't want to Kyle to worry.

"I remove the detonator." Jim said. "It's deactivated."

Derek and Mel joined them a few minutes later.

Jim showed them the device.

"Something tells me these two guys aren't going to get their payday when they return." Derek said.

Kyle nodded.

"I don't think they were supposed to return." Kyle said.

Mel looked over the deactivated bomb.

"It appears the bomb could be remotely detonated." Mel said.

They watched the two men get into their vehicle.

"I've got a tracker on their car." Jim said. "Let's see if we can return the bomb to its rightful owner."

Derek, Kyle, Jim, and Mel made their way back towards their SUV. They began to receive tracking data from John Henry. They were soon several miles behind the two men on the highway out of the area.

John needed to take his mind off of Cameron's current folly. There was one way to do it. He wanted to take some action about the new threat. It was a challenge to them. It was most likely bait for a trap, but it still needed to be dealt with. He assembled a small group to go over the planning.

"We need to go to Tehachapi. We need all our Terminators available. Can I count on EVERYONE here?" John asked.

The real meaning behind it was for Cameron not to tie up two Terminators to 'watch' her.

Cameron glared at John. She knew it didn't matter at this point. What was done was done. She didn't like the implication she was a detriment to the group on its latest planned action. She thought about doing it all herself. It would be another 'problem' for John if she did. She would work in the established framework.

"I'll lead the recon." Cameron said. "Holly and Bob can accompany me."

John looked at Cameron for a few seconds and nodded. He wasn't sure of her choice but understood the nature of it. There was no need to dwell on it if Cameron was willing to cooperate. There was a job they needed to take care of.

"Good, Dan, and Three can be with me." John said.

Bob wondered if a bigger force may be needed.

"What about the others?" Bob asked. "Do we need backup?"

John didn't want to get ahead of themselves and commit too many resources. He looked over at Cameron and thought about the 'Day Of Loss'.

"This is a recon. We don't need them yet." John said. "John Henry will monitor our progress. If we need help, they can be there within ninety minutes."

John Henry planned to have things ready to go. If the team needed assistance he didn't want any more delay than necessary. He could work around most of it.

"It can be quicker if I have the helicopter on standby." John Henry added.

John looked at Cameron again. Maybe Cameron would get worse and they would need to pull her out of the danger zone. He didn't want to say it out loud. He was sure it would only cause a problem. The ability to have a quick extraction, or quick reinforcements, was a good idea. The location where they were headed was remote. There shouldn't be too many people around to witness what they did or what occurred.

"It's even better." John said. "Make it happen."

Cameron didn't like John to look at her the way he did before he made a decision. His decisions shouldn't be based on her or her personal actions. She hoped to remove the 'problem' from his decision making soon. She would no longer be a distraction to him.

Word of the recon spread throughout the base. Jesse was a little miffed she wasn't part of the operation. In fact she'd been left out of a lot of operations lately. It didn't matter how small they were.

"Gail, they're going on a mission again without us." Jesse said. "We should go as well."

Gail didn't like it, but she wanted Jesse safe too.

"John is very protective of YOU, as well as Allison and Vanna, after the 'Day Of Loss'. You know it. He's also protective of me. He is afraid I'll 'malfunction' again." Gail said, a little distraught. "I'll volunteer myself. I need you to stay to look after Jan and the others."

Gail didn't feel she malfunctioned. She was sure it was how others saw it. It was a decision. She wanted to terminate over the loss of her beloved at the time. They deactivated her before she could self terminate. Then later on, Cameron reappeared and 'fixed' everything.

Jesse wanted to look out for Gail too. She didn't want anyone to take any risk on her behalf. She never shirked her duty or responsibility in the past, the future. When something needed to be done, she was there to do it.

"If you go, I want to go, love." Jesse said. "We're a team."

Something gripped Gail inside. She didn't know it, but it was fear. She needed to say something about it. She looked at Jesse with the utmost concern and honesty.

"I can't watch you 'die' again." Gail said. "I can't. I see it like it just happened whenever I think about it. I know why things torment Cameron so much. You can't imagine how it is. It would be as if all the terrible things done to you, happened one after another at the same intensity as when they first happened. You remember them, but don't feel them at the same intensity as when they occurred. I do. Time dulls your pain and your mind only remembers the events. It doesn't force you to FEEL them over again. The pain for you isn't the same."

Jesse knew a lot of terrible things happened to her, she also knew she did a lot of terrible things too. At this point in her life she thought those things bothered her more, the things she did to others. None of them needed to be done. They were done to be mean, cruel, and hurtful. She destroyed people's lives, and some of them their sexual future. She purposely took away the ability for them to function, or took away the ability to experience pleasure. What kind of a monster did she become? The people here now all helped her find herself again.

Gail moved closer to Jesse and touched her face as she looked into her eyes.

Jesse always felt Gail's pain as Gail relived Duplicate Jesse being terminated. Like Cameron, the events played as if it just happened, the pain was immense. Jesse knew what to do to help her.

Jesse touched her in return. Both of her hands were on Gail's face.

"I don't intend to die anytime soon, love." Jesse said.

'But one day I will.' Jesse thought.

Jesse knew everyone died at some point.

"Do you promise?" Gail asked.

Jesse's lips touched Gail's. In a second they were all over each other. Their clothes flew in all directions. There was an 'escape' for both of them from their pasts. Their escape was each other. When they shared there was no past. There was only now.

"YOU are mine forever." Gail said.

Jesse managed to hit 'play' on a song she'd selected earlier specifically for Gail.

'Bang A Gong (Get It On)' by 'T Rex', reverberated around the room.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

World Of Darkness

From the world of Darkness
I have tried to reach out
I don't want to scream
I don't want to shout

Our dreams should be encouraged
The seeds should be allowed to sprout
When one is needlessly challenged
They become plagued with doubt

One will wonder, what's the point
What's all this for or about
I wanted to do more
Than repeat or spout

Something from the heart
Shouldn't be treated with flout
Must I wear a muzzle
Upon my vision's snout

I'm unable to continue forward
In my mind you have created a drought
MY future is dead
I crawl away to pout

Nobody