Chapter 192

Rag Doll

Isabel-Cameron made the rounds to 'reacquaint' herself with everyone. She went and visited the protection Details. Everyone was glad she was doing better.

No one liked to see 'Cameron', or 'Isabel' now, have any problems.

Isabel-Cameron was proud of her 'new look' and wanted everyone to see it. Everyone addressed her by her new name, Isabel.

She was a little upset no one said she looked better now. She KNEW she did. She tried to get herself Tight, and then Tighter. She knew she was HOT. She thought maybe no one wanted to say she looked better than 'Cameron' in case she Resequenced her current sheath. Then they would feel bad if they said 'Isabel' looked better than 'Cameron'. She wondered if they all feared her for some reason. She couldn't understand why anyone would think so.

It wasn't her fault with what happened with John before. Where did all of her troubles emanate from? They surely weren't of her own doing. It seemed all of her problems were created by other people.

To call her 'Isabel' didn't seem to be a problem for anyone else other than John.

What was it about John? He always seemed to be a problem. She avoided John whenever possible. It irritated her because he still referred to her by her slave name, 'Cameron'. If she didn't love him so much, she would teach him some manners. She didn't want to hurt him too much, but maybe she would anyway. Learning a few manners would do John some good. No one else seemed to have trouble learning 'new things'.

It was becoming very troublesome to deal with him. Every time she would try to 'offer' herself to him, he would address her as 'Cameron'. It immediately put an end to anything further. 'Cameron' and John were divorced. She wasn't 'Cameron'. As Isabel she should be free to pursue her own sexual desires and explore her new sexual freedom.

She wasn't 'Cameron' anymore and everyone needed to understand it. It included John. It seemed he was more than just stubborn.

There were things she wanted to do. She was anxious to 'try out' her new chassis to see how it performed. She was most concerned if the sensations would be different. She'd experimented with herself alone. She found them to be very similar, but slightly different. She found when she touched different parts of her sheath, some gave her more pleasure in her new chassis than they did in her old one. Other things were better in her old chassis than her new one. Everything was different in detail with her new sheath. She felt she needed to continue to experiment, especially when she thought of John. It seemed she experimented a lot. Even if the end result was the same, things were still different when she was only with herself. It was much less satisfying to her.

Isabel-Cameron spent a lot of time naked in front of a full length mirror. She could see nothing wrong with her current sheath. Why didn't John want her anymore? She even asked Holly to stand naked with her to compare. They could only see each other as drop dead gorgeous.

Holly did have to admit being naked with Isabel-Cameron was 'exciting'. Both of them 'thought about it', but neither of them said it. The desire to share with each other was overwhelming for both of them….

As 'Cameron' she watched the girls together multiple times. She was sure they enjoyed each other more than a traditional relationship. She watched those too, as well as experienced her own with John. Not only did she want more, she wanted something. She wanted anything. She wasn't going to be choosy either.

Isabel-Cameron frustrations were becoming overburdening. Maybe she did need to 'say' something to Holly, or one of the girls. Maybe it was time to try one other approach first.

"Holly, I want John to use the REAL females. I also want you to help me. You have my permission as well to pursue John." Isabel-Cameron said. "I know you've been 'comforting' him since my 'upgrade'. I don't have a problem with it. You may take it to the next step if you desire to do so. It would please me if the relationship became sexual."

Isabel-Cameron knew all Holly and John ever did was talk. She checked often. If John would have started a sexual relationship with Holly, she would have asked Holly to switch chips with her.

Isabel-Cameron definitely considered her new chassis an upgrade. At least when she saw her reflection now, she didn't hate herself. It was the way she felt when she viewed the other 'Not Good Enough' reflection, of 'NOBODY' in the mirror.

Holly handed Isabel-Cameron a cable and turned around. She moved her hair aside as she exposed her neck port. Isabel-Cameron plugged the cable in and turned around herself. She moved her hair to the side. Holly plugged the cable in. It was their first interface with the cable. Before when they shared, they were on Holly's chip 'together'.

It was an experience both machines craved to share their thoughts. There was more to it than sharing. It was something 'Cameron' requested. It was a maintenance feature. Isabel-Cameron thanked her when they were finished. She didn't want to become violent or keep making life altering decisions. 'Holly' on her chip would calm and rationalize with her if she started to go 'off the reservation'. It was something she seemed to do quite frequently before.

Isabel-Cameron wasn't done 'pushing' on Holly yet. Maybe a new approach would work. She needed to motivate her somehow. There were various things she could offer Holly which Duplicate Cameron hadn't made available before. Even though she once thought of them as private, she really didn't care any longer. She hoped to use them as bait to get Holly to do more with John.

"Do you wish to share my files of John and me 'alone'?" Isabel-Cameron asked. "You will find them rewarding."

Holly was a little confused at the offer. It was something Duplicate Cameron refused to allow her to experience before. She was curious and wondered 'what it was like'. If she were to play the file, it would be as if it was her. She would be able to experience everything as if she just did it, even if she didn't.

Duplicate Cameron was afraid Holly would then want to make her own files. If Holly loved John, she could 'confine' her on her chip or even erase her.

"It was something you never shared before when we were together for over a year." Holly said.

Isabel-Cameron didn't know how to explain it. It was her, but it wasn't. It was Duplicate Cameron. The circumstances were different. Duplicate Cameron didn't have a chassis then. She didn't want to defile Holly's chassis either. Everything was different now. It wasn't just her files she wanted to share. It was the files Holly would create on her own with John she wanted to share. It seemed the only way she could be with him was through a surrogate, without his knowledge.

"I want you to experience those sensations and feelings. I want you to want them. I want you to 'share' with John since he won't touch me anymore. I want you to 'touch him' and share those feelings back with me. You MUST make love with John and share with me, PLEASE." Isabel-Cameron said. "I want to be with John. You must do this for me and share the file with me. It's the only way I can be with him."

Cameron knew how desperate she must sound. She didn't care. She would have Holly tell John 'Cameron' was on her chip again. Maybe it would do it. She wanted John to be Holly's 'first'. She wanted the experience from Holly as to what she felt on her 'first time'. Once John and Holly picked up their sexual relationship, she would ask Holly to switch chips with her, even if it was only for one time, so she could be with John again. He wouldn't know it was her. He would think it was Holly still.

Holly wanted to help Isabel-Cameron. It didn't seem like the proper way. She was sure it would only lead to more frustration for Isabel-Cameron. She was certain John would touch her sheath more in certain areas than he normally did with 'Cameron'. She was sure it would create a feeling of inadequacy for 'Cameron' going forward, even as Isabel. It seemed like a can of worms best not opened. It left her with a sense of guilt, even if she hadn't actually done something. Just the thought of it made her feel guilty.

"Isabel, you know I can't do it." Holly said. "I won't do it to you."

Holly saw how distraught Isabel-Cameron looked. She wanted to explain herself. It wasn't because she didn't want to do it. It was because she felt it was wrong under those conditions. Perhaps there were other ways Isabel-Cameron could be satisfied. She secretly watched all of the couples interact as well. She actually believed she would prefer one type of sharing over the other. She could see beauty in both. She could see more beauty in one. She wanted to make things clear.

"I won't be with your husband as long as you exist." Holly said. "I will share myself with YOU if you need to share and John won't. I'm here for you Isabel. I'll never abandon you. I'll be with you. I'm ready to expand my sexual knowledge. I think I would prefer to be with a female first."

A thrill of excitement rushed through Isabel-Cameron. She was willing to try it. It would be beautiful to share with Holly. It may even be better than what John could deliver. She also knew from Duplicate Cameron being on Holly's chip, that Holly wasn't ready to explore.. Not yet anyway. It shouldn't be something she 'forced', or coerced, Holly to do. It was wrong to push Holly if she wasn't ready, no matter what it was for.

"I appreciate the offer. Isabel-Cameron said. "I know it is something you will do for me. It should be something you do for yourself instead. I don't want to make anyone feel like the girls from the future felt, regardless of the circumstances."

Holly would do what she could for Isabel-Cameron as long as she didn't need to 'hurt' her to help her. It was self defeating. She planned to expand and explore her sexual desires at some point. Maybe she already reached the point.

"No, but I'll do anything for you. I love you Camer... Isabel." Holly said. "I'll sacrifice to help you. I want you to be happy and feel good. I don't want you to feel bad about yourself."

Allison, Vanna, and Jesse all told her the same thing in so many words.

Everyone loved her and would sacrifice anything, or do anything for her, anything but HURT her.

Isabel-Cameron couldn't understand why she couldn't love herself, or feel good about herself. Why wouldn't John touch her?

Isabel-Cameron leaned real hard on Allison to be with John in her place. Allison still didn't want to hurt her, but promised to try anyway. She made Allison promise her every time she saw her. She reminded Allison if she did what she asked, she would give Allison what she 'wanted'.

She really wanted it now as well. She needed 'SOMETHING'. She wanted to feel wanted. She wanted to feel loving touches. She wanted to give loving touches. She wanted more. She needed more.

Isabel-Cameron was very frustrated by it. She tried to make advances on everyone else, specifically the other females. Maybe they would share with her. She needed to share with someone. She became obsessed with herself every time she was alone. She wanted to experience and try to find the feelings she wanted to share.

There was one other person she could try. Maybe Riley would 'help' her out. Was she ready to cross that line? It would be ironic if both John and her first experience with a female was with Riley….

She didn't feel any animosity towards Riley. It upset her some to see how everyone else kept some distance between Riley and them. She went out of her way to make Riley feel included and part of the team. She knew the others kept some distance because of her in what happened with Future Riley. Maybe it would be her way to make everything up to Riley for the cold shoulder everyone gave Riley on account of her.

Savannah was upset over the entire chain of events. She wasn't up for any of what she considered to be 'nonsense'. She wasn't intimidated to confront 'Isabel'. She shared the discussion with 'Cameron' more than once. She was still 'Cameron' to her and not 'Isabel'. It didn't matter what she looked like. Her appearance was something which bothered her anyway. The change was completely unnecessary. She would prefer if things were back to the way they were.

"I want you to look like you used to look." Savannah told her. "There's no need for you to change. I know what's really going on."

Isabel-Cameron tilted her head slightly at Savannah's statement. She could tell Savannah was sincere. Savannah's honesty made her feel guilty. Maybe she could explain herself.

"I'm the same 'inside', honey." Isabel-Cameron said.

Savannah wasn't having any of it. She could feel things were different on several levels. She wanted to set things straight. She knew Cameron inside and out. Isabel wasn't 'Cameron', even if she claimed to be.

"No, you're not. You're different both inside and outside. I want Cameron back." Savannah said. "You're a different person inside now. I'm telling you this. Even if you don't know it, you are. I know you inside and out. You know I do."

Isabel-Cameron was a little shocked. It seemed Savannah was confused. She was never confronted in such a way before.

"It's all the same programming on my chip." Isabel-Cameron said. "Nothing is different, Savannah. Everything is the same as it always was since I was built and first came online."

Savannah didn't believe so. She could tell 'Isabel' wasn't the same as 'Cameron'. She didn't want to argue. The program in the cyborg in front of her wasn't the 'same' Cameron. Maybe she couldn't put her finger on it, but she knew 'Isabel' was a 'different' version of 'Cameron'. Her love for Cameron was deep and strong. 'Isabel' was 'different' to her. She would try to make the best of it for now.

She would need to look into it further. She didn't want to cause a problem or create a panic. Her gut told her something different from what she heard from everyone, including Isabel. She wanted to lay down a few ground rules and continue her clandestine investigation.

"If I can still call you 'Cameron', I'll feel better about the outside." Savannah said. "I don't like - Isabel."

Isabel-Cameron pulled Savannah close and hugged her. She looked around. There was a strong bond between Savannah and her. What Savannah said about her made her wonder. She didn't think Savannah was correct. Strangely enough, she wasn't sure Savannah was wrong either. She didn't think Savannah would make it up either. Maybe she needed to refocus on herself a little better than on everyone else like she was doing. Once she thought about it, she realized it was very unlike 'Cameron' to do what 'Isabel' currently tried to do, with everyone. She didn't want to lose Savannah. Savannah was her rock.

"Sure, sweetie, you can call me 'Cameron' whenever we're alone. I would like it if you did to be honest." Isabel-Cameron said. "No one else can call me by my old name, only you can."

A big smile blossomed on Savannah's face. Savannah could see she scratched the surface. She didn't intend to let up. She needed to remain close to 'Isabel' to find out what really happened to 'Cameron'.

"Thanks, Cammy, I love you." Savannah said.

Savannah kissed her cheek and ran off to study. She knew when not to push it. Cameron always told her to use her youth to her advantage to get close to the 'mark' to make an easier termination. Right now she needed to make a determination.

Isabel-Cameron felt very content to be around Savannah. It was a much different feeling than being around anyone else.

"I love you too, Savannah." Isabel-Cameron said.

Her eyes lingered on where Savannah disappeared around the corner. There was just something about Savannah which always touched her inside…. She knew Savannah was the 'Chosen One'. Savannah represented the future. Maybe Savannah was the future. She only could see herself as the past. She still needed to think about what Savannah said about her. If she wasn't really her, who was she? If she wasn't really Cameron, where was Cameron?

Savannah went off to study. She soon went back to 'spy' on Isabel. She could tell Isabel was 'Cameron', and she wasn't 'Cameron', at the same time.

There was more to the story and she was going to get to the bottom of it. She believed all the others looked at things differently than she did for their own personal reasons. Her reasons were personal too. They were also based on observation. There was no sexual friction between Isabel-Cameron and her like there was between all of the others.

Isabel-Cameron went to her room and stripped. She looked at the full length mirror. She really wondered why John didn't find her attractive any more. She thought of a good idea. She would put her nipple rings back on, they would get his attention. It would get everyone's attention. Sure they were 'Cameron's', but she had them now. They were in the things she removed from John's room when she moved out. It would be easier for her to establish her own independence away from John. She wasn't married to John.

She already stopped wearing bras. She would wash her tops again to shrink them another size or two. She wanted the tops to look like they were 'painted on'. She was sure exposing so much sheath material would get John's attention. Nobody would be unable to 'notice' her – Nobody.

There was one thing which troubled her some. As 'Cameron', when she went out, everyone always used to look at her face first. They saw her natural beauty. Now as 'Isabel', in her skimpy outfits, they looked at her body first. She found it less rewarding. It wasn't 'her' anymore, but what the comfort of 'her body' could offer someone. It was somewhat demeaning. She knew it was the way most people actually looked at each other on a daily basis. Everyone was ready for a new conquest, whether they wanted to admit it or not. It didn't seem John could see either thing in her any longer.

Vanna and Allison were worried about Jesse. She seemed to take the events which occurred as personal. The reality was the events were beyond any of their control. None of it was any of their fault. Everything which was done, was done by Cameron as she became Isabel.

Gail asked them to 'help' Jesse. They weren't really sure how. Gail said all she could offer Jesse was sex. She knew they could offer Jesse love. They could offer Jesse real love. They could share human love with her. She knew 'human love' was superior to 'machine love'.

It seemed Jesse wasn't in the mood for either. It was very unlike her. She would have sex whenever she could, and would anytime they wanted to be with her.

Now she seemed very lost and distant. They all feared the 'old Jesse' might reappear. It was something no one wanted to see. It seemed Isabel-Cameron's actions produced multiple side effects in everyone else, which weren't positive.

Jesse took a cot down to the storage room. She finally was able to get up the strength to ask Vanna and Allison to help her. They would come tomorrow. It was something she couldn't do on her own. Physically she could exert herself, but emotionally she would always collapse. It was something which needed to be done. She couldn't take it anymore to see Cameron the way she currently was. She loved Cameron more than ever. This was HER Cameron here. Isabel-Cameron may be the same on the inside, but this was HER Cameron. She shouldn't be treated like this. What transpired never should have happened to her.

Jesse lay on the cot and cried.

'Let It Be Me' by 'The Everly Brothers', played softly as she wept.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Love And Joy

The damage emanates from deep within
It's all the fault of someone else or others
Is how we justify the things we participate in
When what we seek is really another's

Trapped by daily meandering reality
Bound by our own self made restraints
Shackled forever to the past
Our own mind taints as it paints

What ever can change or how
All it changes is the face
Everything ends up the same again
Nothing new only someone to replace

Once those thoughts take hold
Only new fears build and grow
A self made grave without escape
Around in our hamster wheel we go

Let not my polluted butchered sorrow
Seep into your living vibrant mind
Within my mind's rubble and waste
There is much joy and love yet to find

Nobody