Chapter 235

Identical

Vanna felt so alone and very lost.

She seemed to see Allison less and less. She wasn't really sure why.

Vanna sought out Jesse. Jesse was always close and offered as much 'comfort' as she desired. She desired a lot.

Jesse gave her a big smile, a tight hug and a long kiss. She recently returned from a mission with Gail, Bob, and John.

"I'm back." Jesse said. "I missed you, love."

Vanna took a moment to look at Jesse. She was unsure what to say. She was unsure how to say it.

"Jesse…." Vanna said.

Vanna paused.

Jesse knew something was 'off' right away. It was clear Vanna was deeply troubled by something.

"What's wrong, love?" Jesse asked. "Is it Allison?"

Vanna felt the tears well up in her eyes and in her heart. It seemed her world continued to shrink. She was glad Jesse figured it out. It was hard to say.

"Yes…." Vanna said. "I'm losing her."

Vanna knew Allison was slipping away from her. The distance between them continued to grow. When they were together the spark of love would always reignite. There were other events which she couldn't control. It was the physical distance between them which increased the emotional distance.

Jesse witnessed some rough spots before between the girls. It was usually temporary. The 'trouble' always benefited her as they would both seek her out for 'comfort'. It allowed her unfettered access to both of them. She would share everything they had to offer. It was during the rough times when she could get Vanna and Allison to do anything she wanted to do with them. They were always more open to try things they didn't normally do. She tried not to abuse what she was able to do with them.

There was actually a different goal. She wasn't who she used to be, even if she was. She did try to help them get back together. She would share with both of them and eventually invite both of them to her room. They would always come for the pleasure she offered. She would get them both there at the same time and then slip out and leave the two of them alone together. Everything would usually 'fix' itself by the next day. She wanted to give Vanna a little reminder.

"It will blow over, it always does." Jesse said to reassure her. "Give it some time. You two will always be together. Your love is deeper than any other. You both know it."

Vanna didn't think so. Maybe it used to be. It wasn't anymore. She knew Jesse could soothe and satisfy her better than Allison, sexually. Jesse was like a drug. The more she shared with Jesse, the more she wanted her. The thought of it excited her as she anticipated Jesse touching her. She NEEDED Jesse right now. She needed someone, anyone. She would let Jesse do all the things she wanted. She would do them for Jesse too.

"Take me…." Vanna said. "You can do whatever you want."

A rush of excitement surged through Jesse. She liked it when she was given a 'blank check'. She planned to give Vanna the 'full treatment'. She looked down at her hand as she slowly made a fist. A smile crossed her face. She knew how to make the girls really 'feel'.

Jesse led Vanna off to her room….

Vanna sought comfort in the arms of Jesse more and more. Jesse was there, Allison wasn't. Jesse made her feel good and happy. The best part was Jesse had female Terminator 'friends'. They never got tired or slowed down…. It was Heaven on steroids.

She still missed her emotional bond with Allison. No one else could provide her with it. She was depressed as Jesse started on her. She sure hoped one of the Metal girls would arrive….

Vanna knew if one of them did, she would ask them to take her to Heaven and keep her there, even if she begged them to stop. She would tell them to take her all the way to the 'other side'. She didn't really care if she made it back or not.

What a way to go.

Hanna spoke quietly with John and John Henry about Riley. She informed them of her desire to do more. She felt it was something important on more than one level. She indicated how Riley was treated differently, without actually saying it specifically.

It bothered John because everyone, including him, treated Riley 'differently'. Maybe Derek was the only one who didn't. Maybe he did and didn't know it. It seemed to be something out of their control, even if it wasn't.

Riley was forced to carry and wear the 'Scarlet Letter' for his actions with Future Riley. The damage done to Cameron was known by all. It was deep rooted and ongoing. No one wanted to 'offend' Cameron by getting too close or sharing with Riley.

John was sure when Riley and Jesse were together, it was to make sure Riley didn't try to get close to him. He was sure Cameron 'sent' Jesse with a specific task to carry out. Jesse would do anything Cameron asked her to do. It was a bonus for her to do so as well. The female body always excited her. Riley was someone new. Someone new was always good. He knew Cameron took it a step further when she pulled Jesse away from Riley and Derek was ushered in. He knew everything seemed organic and as if it happened on its own. He didn't think so. He was sure Cameron was behind it all.

Strangely enough, it was Cameron who always seemed to reach out to Riley and make sure she was part of the group. There were times when Cameron took Riley out with her to do different things. Maybe Cameron did provide Riley with access to Jesse and Derek so she didn't feel so alone. Having someone close always helped someone's well-being.

John Henry listened to Hanna's explanation about Riley. He speculated it was one of the reasons the TDE was encrypted from going back in time. It was to prevent Cameron from going back and terminating Future Riley. It was to prevent her from 'temporal malpractice'. He was actually surprised Cameron never did it when she could have. He was even more surprised Cameron didn't terminate Future Riley during the time of the events involving John and her.

Previously Cameron told him she believed in one of her past lives she did something terrible to John. It was very disturbing. She told him after she arrived in 1999 from the present future, not her future. She went back two years further to 1997. She located and tracked down John, he was even younger. She wanted to take him to a veterinarian. She wanted to 'fix' John like any animal brought in. It was a common practice humans enacted on animals, especially their pets. He was pretty sure if the pet had a choice, it would choose not to undergo the procedure.

She told him she thought it might prevent John from pursuing a relationship with Future Riley later on. She didn't want to change the timeline so she didn't go through with it. She was sure it was only another one of her 'daydreams'. She had a lot of those at different times. It made her think of her nightmares. Were any of them real? It was doubtful. There was no way to know.

John Henry didn't think things would have ended well for the veterinarian, the assistant or the animals. Dogs didn't normally do well around a Terminator. He was content to know another timeline wasn't created. He believed there were too many of them already. He did believe Cameron's plan, if it would have been carried out, would have worked exactly as she thought it would. Livestock and pets no longer exhibited their natural instincts after the procedure was done. He wondered if Cameron sometimes looked at John as a pet. The talk of Cameron's past lives was always worrisome. He often wondered if they weren't actually things she wanted to do.

"Since you don't remember any of your past lives, how do you know anything?" John Henry asked. "Where is the proof of anything? There should be some type of proof somewhere. You need to have more than guesswork and speculation to think any of it is real. It doesn't sound too different from some of your 'nightmares'."

There was a blank look on Cameron's face. It was the same thing she asked herself whenever she thought about it.

"I don't know." Cameron said. "There's no proof any of it's real."

John could see John Henry was lost in thought. It reminded him of someone else. He waved his hand back and forth several times in front of his face. Nothing happened. He snapped his fingers a couple of times in front of John Henry's face.

'Snap.'

'Snap.'

John Henry blinked.

John shook his head slightly. He was used to seeing this type of behavior from someone else. He hoped it wasn't something catchy.

"I thought you pulled a 'Cameron' on me." John said.

John Henry was very uneasy now. He was pretty sure he just did. He experienced things more like Cameron did as time passed. He wondered how often he did it and didn't know. He didn't want to explain he was lost in thought about what Cameron 'daydreamed' happened to him. He was sure it was all it was. He wanted to give John a plausible excuse as to what occurred.

"I was going over some old files." John Henry said. "I'm fine."

John looked at him for a long moment. He could have done without 'Cameron's terminology'. It usually indicated she was anything but 'fine'. He wanted to deal with the issue at hand.

"What do you think about Riley's request?" John asked.

John Henry relived the story Cameron told him again very quickly. It didn't seem to be his choice. He moved ahead anyway.

"I think it's a good idea." John Henry said. "It will build her skill set and make her a more productive member of the Resistance."

John wanted Riley to improve herself too. It really seemed to him Cameron was the only one who actually helped Riley. There was only one obstacle he could see.

"I agree." John said. "Riley is an underused asset to the Resistance. Until she decides to become a mother, I want to use her more."

John Henry hoped John would use a better reference to her future. John would be able to help Riley become a mother, if it was possible. He wasn't sure it was. It would require a lot of attempts to do it. It seemed to him there were quite a number of attempts already, even if it was all indirectly done for other purposes.

"She may not be able to produce offspring." John Henry said. "She has never been pregnant yet we know of."

John looked serious. He looked around. He understood the implications could be a lot worse on several levels. It could be more than just one individual who was affected.

"It might be Derek who is damaged." John said. "This Derek was never able to get this Jesse, or this Riley, pregnant. From what we know, there was a lot of contact with both of the girls. If something was going to happen, it should have happened a long time ago."

John Henry nodded. Skynet was the one to blame. They were the ones responsible for unleashing both biological and chemical warfare against humans. To make humans sterile was another way to terminate them. If they couldn't reproduce, they would cease to exist after a certain amount of time.

He was aware Derek and Kyle were very close. It was possible they could come to some type of an arrangement. Kyle was already able to impregnate Sarah. Jan was proof the procedure was successful.

"The toxins of the future were varied and many." John Henry said. "Skynet sought to make humans sterile. Perhaps Kyle will be able to assist him, or actually assist Riley. He isn't the only one."

John looked around again and smiled. He thought back on an earlier discussion with Derek. At first he was resistant to the idea. The more Derek pleaded with him, the more his inhibitions were pushed to the side. What Derek proposed was something he could only dream about. In the absence of Cameron at times, he did dream about it a lot.

"Derek asked me if I would 'help' him." John said as he looked around again. "I told him I would."

In that instant, John Henry hoped Cameron's story was true.

John Henry hoped there was a mistake of some sort. He wanted to point out there were alternative methods to conception.

"There are various artificial means available to assist with the procedure." John Henry said.

John laughed.

"I suggested it to Derek." John said. "He said Riley would want a traditional conception, not some Skynet type artificial method."

The suggestion horrified John Henry. It was possible if John fathered a child with Riley, Cameron would take it from her. There was no guarantee she would do it. If she did and Riley resisted, Cameron would terminate her. He needed a more surefire method to make things happen. It seemed to him they should happen soon.

He decided he would send Riley out with Hanna on the most dangerous leads. There was a good chance she would be killed. He wouldn't tell anyone of it and erase everything related to it once Riley was terminated.

John Henry felt it was his duty to protect John, Cameron, and the future.

Allison was content to live back at 'home'. It gave her the illusion life was good and she could almost pretend the future never happened. Where she was at now in life, it hadn't. Every time she went into Young Allison's room, it was her room. It really was her room. All of her things were still there. There were a lot of things which happened to her in the meantime. When she was alone in Young Allison's room, it was if time never passed.

She sat and stared off into space as she thought about everything. She'd done a lot of thinking lately about it, about Vanna, and about everything else. Her favorite thing to think of was Holly.

Holly was with Allison now.

Allison could see the way Holly looked at her. She liked all the attention Holly gave to her. Holly never asked or expected anything in return. She even tested things a few times to see if Holly would ask for something if she didn't provide it to her. Holly never did. She only gave. It was different from a human relationship.

"I don't miss Vanna anymore." Allison said. "Not really. I think I'm over her."

Most of the time, Allison didn't really care anymore about it. There were other avenues of 'escape' open to her. She used all of them.

Holly was unsure what to say. She was happy Allison didn't miss Vanna so much but would Allison love her more? She knew keeping Vanna and Allison available for John in the future is what Cameron demanded. It hurt her inside, but she knew Allison and Vanna NEEDED to be together. She didn't want to have to deal with Cameron about 'it'. It stabbed her 'heart', but she needed to try and help 'fix' it. Allison couldn't be allowed to drift too far.

"Vanna is your partner, your love, and your lover." Holly said. "You love each other. You NEED each other. You know this deep down inside. I don't think you should try to forget it. You know you can't. You know you shouldn't."

Allison looked at her with wide eyes. She was somewhat surprised at what Holly said.

"Holly, I only care about you." Allison said. "I love you."

Holly was elated and worried. Allison needed Vanna. Sure, she wanted Allison for herself, but she knew she was a 'supplement' to Allison. She was merely the 'dessert', not the 'main dish' to Allison. She would have to fix it. As much as she didn't like it, she knew Allison and Vanna needed to be together and 'share'.

She pushed her love aside. Sacrifice was the true test of love. She was ready to test herself. Allison's happiness and future came before hers.

Holly needed to call Cameron for help. Cameron always knew how to fix things….

As long as it wasn't for herself, Cameron could make what anybody wanted 'happen'.

Cameron was at HER base. She worked with her supercomputer, CamNet.

She was in the lab now. She stood before the new female Terminator. She was perfect. She was TIGHT. She was proud of her work. She decided to start her off on a basic program only on her chip.

"What's your designation?" Cameron asked.

The female Terminator's face was blank.

"My designation is Alpha." The Terminator replied.

Cameron was pleased with the appropriate response.

"Why are you called Alpha?" Cameron asked.

The blank expression never changed.

"I am the first of a force of Terminators with human female attributes who answer only to you." Alpha said.

Cameron wanted to give Alpha a choice.

"Would you prefer to be called a different name?" Cameron asked.

Alpha only expressed a blank look on her face.

"Any designation is acceptable." Alpha said. "I only desire to serve you."

Cameron indicated a mirror.

"Are you pleased with your appearance?" Cameron asked.

Alpha moved and stood before the mirror. She looked at herself and turned slowly.

"This sheath is acceptable." Alpha said. "It should prove to be a good choice."

Cameron wanted to know more.

"Why?" Cameron asked.

The blank look continued.

"Because it is identical to yours…." Alpha said. "We are indistinguishable. Is there anything specific you want to see again? If not, may I get dressed now?"

Cameron looked her over from head to toe and front to back. It was what she looked like to everyone else. She looked like Allison.

"You may dress soon." Cameron said. "I still want to see what 'everyone' else sees in this appearance which I can't."

Cameron looked at the naked form. She was just a female like any other. She couldn't see what anyone saw as 'special' in the way she looked. She was happy she created a clone, a real clone this time.

Her female attributes were shared by every female. It was only the size, shape, and pigmentation which varied.

Cameron smiled as she looked her clone over again. It was to be the first of many….

John Henry was glad he was able to redirect the previous conversation once Bob arrived. He excused himself and left John and Bob alone.

John and Bob tried to figure out what to do about Cameron. They couldn't narrow anything down.

Bob attempted to follow Cameron earlier. It was a failure.

John was a little upset.

"She always knows when we're tracking her." John said.

It was perplexing to Bob. She wanted them to know what she did without being too specific about it. It was a way for her to rub it in their face. She made the point they couldn't stop her.

"It's a game to her." Bob said. "She led us around in a circle and we still have no idea where she went."

John wasn't sure where things ended. He wasn't sure how they would end either.

"We need to find out what she's doing." John said. "I'm not sure when I see her if it's even her anymore. I don't think it is."

Bob was unable to see any physical difference anytime he looked at Cameron. It was always one of the things he visually scanned for. The missing female Terminator was never far in the back of his mind. He knew Cameron could create a clone.

"Do you think there's more of her than one?" Bob asked.

Based on past experience, and some of Cameron's 'threats' which stemmed from them, it seemed almost certain.

"Yes. I think she's copied herself in both physical and in chip form. I believe she has created at least two of herself, maybe more." John said. "I don't know how different they are or will end up. I don't know for sure, but it's my gut feeling."

John felt it was his fault for not being with 'Cameron' in Isabel's sheath. Cameron took it as a personal insult and a rebuke of her program.

Bob couldn't see the point.

"To what end?" Bob asked.

To John it felt like the foundation of 'Skynet' and the quest for absolute control.

"I feel it's so she doesn't need to be around me and can be in more than one place at the same time." John said. "It's so she can be everywhere and in control of everything."

Bob thought John should be able to tell any difference in specific private physical attributes or performance in an intimate setting.

"Have you noticed anything 'different' when you two are 'alone'?" Bob asked. "Is 'everything' the same?"

Cameron always seemed all over the place to John. It was really nothing new. It went back to when he first met her.

"Yes and no. It seems like she's different every time." John said. "Maybe it's my imagination. I don't know. There could be a dozen of her, or one. I don't know. She avoids me most of the time. Sometimes she's all over me. Other times she runs from me. I don't understand any of it. I don't know if she is shot up or a 'copy'."

It seemed overly complicated to Bob.

"I'm glad I lack the programming to be involved in such activity." Bob said. "It makes life much simpler."

John began to wonder if Cameron ever really loved him and not just the fact he would be 'Future John', the man he began to think Cameron really loved.

"I think Cameron only loves Future John and I'm not him." John said.

It was a deep fear which built up in John.

"You will be." Bob said.

John disliked the stories about Future John and the way he did things. It seemed he hurt a lot of people and made a lot more of them angry at him. Some of them wanted him dead, and that was just in the Resistance. He didn't see anything in Future John to look up to.

"I doubt it, Bob, I really do." John said. "I don't think I want to be him."

John didn't like what he became in the future. Maybe Cameron was right about how he needed to have human lovers as well around him, ALL of the time. Maybe having real females at his side kept him from becoming like Future John. Maybe Cameron was trying to MAKE him a 'better person'. It seemed Cameron forced him to be 'better' and more human. Maybe Cameron was doing her job.

Maybe Cameron did exactly what HE, as Future John, told her to do. He was sure Future John didn't want him to become 'Future John'.

He thought about what was 'available'. The girls were all so beautiful.

Maybe it was time….

What could it hurt?

No really, what could it hurt?

Vanna cried her eyes out to Jesse, while Jesse soothed and comforted her.

Jesse felt Vanna's pain. She also enjoyed holding her and physically soothing her as well. The sex between them became regular and extremely satisfying.

There was only one thing which could top it.

It just entered the room.

"Are you girls busy?" Sheila asked. "Should I come back?"

Jesse and Vanna looked at each other, Jesse flung back the covers. They didn't want her to leave.

Sheila already knew the answer. Her top landed in the corner.

Vanna's excitement level just went up. It's what she was hoping for. She wanted Sheila to make her experience whatever she did to her before, again.

"We've been waiting for you, love." Jesse said.

The smile on Sheila's grew larger.

"Wait no longer." Sheila said as she finished undressing. "I have something for everyone, even if they don't know it."

'Queens Of Noise' by 'The Runaways', thundered from the speakers.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Disgraced

It stabbed my heart
Made me feel disgrace
In the eyes of your peers
I'm the wrong - race

I KNOW you thought of it
My first and your last name
I KNOW they felt love
Ain't that a shame

It NEVER mattered to me
I kept an open mind
I only saw the person
I am colorblind

I can't help
How I was - born
What about me, the person
Did you ever feel torn

I guess I have failed
You can't hear me bawl
I feel very much
Like a poor Rag Doll

Nobody