Cause baby, when I sleep, I dream of you
And when I'm awake, that's all I do
Think about every detail you have
Do you notice when I get mad, I clench my jaw?
Do you notice when I get sad, I tend to fall?
Look at my words I say to you
'Cause I notice when you get mad
You close your eyes
And I notice when you are sad
You let out sighs
I need to know, are those sighs ever over me?
Do you know how in love with you I am?
Do you see how in love with you I am?
Every thing that you do, it makes my heart stop
Oh, it stops
And baby, when you sleep, do you dream of me?
- Please Notice by Christian Leave

Just as I was about to leave for breakfast, there was a knock on the door. Severus looked at me as I opened it. He seemed a bit…embarrassed?
"Since it was unexpectedly late, I brewed us a potion to ward off tiredness. Some of the side effects are that one becomes sensitive to light and the skin becomes very pale. Teeth and fingers may turn yellow if used for too long," he said.
I was pleased when he offered me the potion. I put it to my lips but hesitated. He noticed my reaction and seemed sad and hurt. His eyes slid to the floor, his black hair fell over his face and protected him from uninvited looks. I felt 15 years old again as I investigated the face of the boy I loved so dearly. But he was as insecure as I was then. It's good that I wasn't the same as I used to be, and he certainly wasn't either.
"Sorry, my time with the Order must have left its mark. Don't drink anything a stranger offers you." I explained myself and my unexpected reaction. By now I knew how important it is to express your thoughts and feelings. Although it found its limit at my true feelings for him. But did I still have those feelings? Were they still that strong? And was he still the one I fell in love with so many years ago?
"Am I a stranger for you?" His dark eyes looked at me longingly.
"No… not anymore." And I drank the golden liquid quickly. Warmth spread through my body. It was weird. Although I hadn't slept, this potion suddenly made me feel awake like after a long night of uninterrupted sleep. I felt fitter and more alert than I had in a long time.
"Thank you, Severus," I said softly, handing the empty mug back to him. I felt a blissful smile caress my lips.
He looked at me searchingly and examined me closely. He stuck to my lips and after a while he says:
"Please excuse my words in school days. I was wrong and I make a big mistake. You are a… very valuable and talented witch." He cleared his throat and actually looked embarrassed. Everything inside me felt hot. My thoughts were literally racing. But I pushed those aside and I left it at trying to forgive him. But I felt that this was the beginning of a longer process. I could feel my scars opening and I needed time for the things Severus had confided the previous night.
"I made a lot of mistakes back then and was trapped in my dark thoughts. I had an environment that encouraged me in my black arts practices and that led me to the Dark Lord. I didn't think much about it. I wanted to learn more about dark arts, it fascinated me. After losing your friendship, nothing stopped me. I was lost and… stupid," he said and I could feel how heavy his words were. "I cannot sugarcoat my actions. I wish I could change everything and start new, but-"
"You can change it now! It's never too late to make the right decisions, open up and regret." I interrupted him. He looked at me thoughtfully. His fingers tracing his lips and I noticed a strange glint in his eyes.
"Yes, I will try." he said slowly and carefully. I saw his thoughts wash through his head.
"That's a good start, Severus!" I grinned broadly at him. And I saw my grin pull him out of his dark thoughts and bring him back to me.
Together we went to the Great Hall for our breakfast. I knew it was the best chance the life would give me: to really get to know him. Truly experienced from top to bottom. And I was ready to meet him again. So, a real friendship developed between us again.
Whenever one of us couldn't get to sleep, or ghosts from the past interrupted the night. We found each other and roamed around Hogwarts together. Severus told me about his nightmares and I shared mine with him. And he told me how much he had come to appreciate Professors McGonagall, Flitwick and Dumbledore and now considered Hogwarts his home. Something he didn't feel as a student. He felt lonely after Lily and I broke up. Hogwarts could never give him the home he needed after tutoring as a child. And I felt what he said because I felt the same way.
We also started laughing together, first at some fun student work, then at many other everyday things. I liked my job as a teacher at Hogwarts so much now that I didn't even think about quitting.
Sometimes he would surprise me in the greenhouse while I planted a few more seeds in the twilight before dinner or set out clay pots for classes. He then watched me at work as we chatted about our day.
Some evenings I sat with him in the dimly lit office in the dungeons, correcting students' papers side by side at his large desk. His office had a fireplace, and in one corner was a cupboard containing his private stash of potion ingredients. Sometimes we were silent in our work, sometimes we were amused by the answers of the students. And I realized how much his closeness meant to me. I found it extremely pleasant just to be with him. I often looked at him secretly out of the corner of my eye. His hand wrote tiny letters in the edges of the parchments. And his hair fell in his face, his dark eyes sparkled mockingly at the often sloppy essays of unthoughtful students.
"You know, sometimes I can understand why you're so strict with the students," I blurted out one evening.
"So?" He looked at me with interest and raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, because of some essays I could scream out loud. A sixth year of my class didn´t know that Venemosa tentacula are highly venomous and both the spines and the bites can be deadly. This student wants to sell me the plant as a medicinal herb." I shook my head in amusement.
"Indeed? I would fail him. Immediately." Severus didn't flinch. I still had to smile.
"I'm serious. Someone like that doesn't belong in my class. That's why I only accept students in the higher years who don't do this to me. At least I can use it to weed out the fools in the upper classes."
"Yeah, maybe I should raise to an 'Exceeds Expectations'. I took over Professor Hastings' classification of the students." I mused aloud.
"You are too soft. I heard some students talking about you down the hall."
"Really? What did they say?"
"They are liking you." Severus said in disgust. I burst out laughing. He looked at me in surprise.
"It's not a teacher's job to be liked," he stated quietly.
"Yes, but I don't want to be feared either."
"But it has its benefits. Above all, you have your peace. No student would dare bother me over trifles or worse, like me." His thin lips curled.
I looked at him for a while as he sat next to me. I saw that he was thinking about something. Thoughts raced through my head again. I should have told him how I felt about him back when we were at school together. Now we're sitting here as adults. Professors at Hogwarts. Not a step further than back then, right?
"Oh, Severus. I really have to say, I never would have thought that."
"What exactly?" His lower jaw was imperceptibly protruding, his eyes fixed on me impatiently.
"For us to sit together at Hogwarts and correct student works." I spoke. He leaned back with a sigh.
"Mh, that wouldn't have been my career choice either," he said in a low voice. I looked at him with a mixture of envy and disbelief.
"What would it replace?" I asked curiously.
He gave me a piercing look and cleared his throat.
"That's irrelevant," he replied evasively, staring at the student essays again. There it was again. His wall. Whenever we got close, he would pull it up.
"Severus, I know you joined Voldemort after Hogwarts. You don't have to be uncomfortable in front of me." I whispered. He looked at me again. He seemed awkward hearing the name of his former master. His dark eyes literally pierced me.
"Yes indeed. But I regret that decision. I regret not being able to see where this path will lead me."
"I've often tried to dissuade you," I said sadly. Severus put down his quill.
"You weren't the only person. But I guess I was… blinded." He said thoughtfully, running his finger over his lip.
"Excuse me, I don't want to reopen these old scars. You have suffered enough."
"No, not enough." Severus said in a decisive tone. He shook his head to support his statement. That bothered me and also made me curious.
"How do you mean that?"
"We should get back to our work, don't you think?" he said, breaking off the call in an unequivocal tone. His eyes wandered back to the potion essays. But I didn't want to let him get away so easily.
"No, Severus. Why do you have to suffer? Please tell me what you mean by that!"
"I can´t. Not now." I saw in his eyes that it hurt him not being able to tell me the truth. I didn't want to bother him any further at this point because he was visibly moved. But he should know that I needed to know. After all, it was a part of him, and I wanted to be very close to him.
"Promise me you'll tell me!"
He nodded. I carelessly grabbed his hand. Our touch made my skin tingle again. His hand twitched in mine and his gaze wandered to our hands. He seemed uncomfortable, and I withdrew my hand. Then I devoted myself again to my student work. But I still felt his penetrating gaze resting on me for a while.

"Chocolate Frog," I told the gargoyle, which, upon the password, unlocked a self-upward spiral staircase that led me to the Headmaster's office. There was a knocker in the shape of a griffin on the office door. I knocked nervously before entering.
The round office space itself seemed friendly and spacious. On the walls all around I saw the portraits of former Hogwarts Headmasters.
Dumbledore eyed me over his half-moon glasses. His long white beard touched the desk. Dumbledore's cloak was purple decorated with many gold crescents and stars. He asked me to sit across from him in a chair.
"How are you feeling at Hogwarts now?", he asked waiting.
"Well, I would think very good, Professor Dumbledore." I said thoughtfully, wondering what he was getting at.
"Very good. Indeed." He gave me a piercing look before continuing. "Professor, you must be wondering why you are here. I don't want to keep you in suspense for long. I was considering you for the teaching position for a reason," he began.
"So? Which one would it be? I shifted nervously in the chair.
"Well, I was looking for someone who had a sensitive way of empathizing with people. I was looking for a person who is willing to look behind the facade of others and who can give second chances."
"How did you come up with me? And what for?" What would someone like Dumbledore need these qualities for? Was he planning a new organization like the Order?
"Well, those are good questions. Let me answer them slowly. As you know, I am quite good friends with the director of St. Mungo's and I have told him about my search. After a moment's thought, he immediately turned to you. He called you an extraordinary witch. Very gifted, not only in healing skills and herbalism. He also emphasized their appreciative attitude when dealing with people."
I blushed. These compliments pleased me, but also they embarrassed me.
"Well of course I know you from your school days at Hogwarts and from your work in the Order. I also noticed that, like Lily Potter, you have an impartial nature and try to question people's motives."
"You noticed that?" I didn't know if I should say thank you.
"As a matter of fact. So, I considered you for my concept."
"And that would be?"
"Well, unfortunately I'm not the youngest wizard anymore and I'm also noticing it more and more clearly. I thought of appointing Minerva as my successor when the time came. Then, however, a Head of House for Gryffindor and a Deputy Headmaster are missing. And I was thinking of you."
"Me? Why do you think that?" My jaw dropped. I gaped at him before I composed myself.
"Well, I thought I explained that to you already. I see the big potential in you. Minerva has the same opinion."
"But the deputy headmaster of Hogwarts is usually elected by the school council, isn't it?"
"You see, the old headmaster can make a request to the council, and most of the time it gets granted."
"And you want to take me? That just leaves me speechless."
I looked around the office uncertainly and recognized the portrait of the famous healer Dilys Derwent, which also hung in St. Mungo's. The older witch with the silver ringlets gave me an encouraging smile. I understood and Dumbledore chuckled.
"I think humility is also a character trait that befits a Head of House and future Headmaster. We could start preparing you for the Head of House position." I swallowed.
"I don't know if I have that responsibility."
"Take it easy, you have time. I have no intention of hanging up my hat just yet." He got up to say goodbye, but I wanted to ask a question that had been on my mind all along.
"Professor Dumbledore, how is Harry?"
He blinked briefly and I saw a strange look in his light blue eyes before he replied, "You mean Lily Potter's son?"
"Yes, of course!" He clearly wanted to avoid me. What did that mean?
"He's doing alright given the circumstances, I would think." the Headmaster replied, looking out the window for a moment. Of course, Harry certainly suffered terribly at the loss of his parents.
"Do you think it would be possible to get in contact with him? You know I'm his godmother and-"
"I think the boy should live without the magical world for a while." I thought about how the magical world overwhelmed me when I suddenly found myself alone in front of it.
"Don't you think it's time to slowly introduce him to his skills? And that he can get to know and understand our world?"
"It won't be too long before he gets to Hogwarts. Until then, he should remain unmolested. I'm sure that would be the best for Harry." said Dumbledore firmly. I looked at him briefly before nodding. He certainly had a better understanding of Lily's son's situation. Still, I felt like I would have liked to help Harry. But I made a mental note to support him as soon as he received his letter from Hogwarts.

I told Severus about Dumbledore's plans during our evening together in the dungeon. He actually seemed keen on the idea.
"Well, I couldn't think of a more suitable candidate for this part after Minerva." He stated, but I frowned.
"You think so, Severus?"
"As a matter of fact. Why not? I'm Head of Slytherin House. And after all I like that title." he replied and clasped his hands together while resting his arms on his elbows.
"Yes, I know that you prefer your students to all others. Especially when it comes to scoring." I stated accusingly. His eyes sparkled mockingly.
"I'm just taking points off the troublemakers. Coincidentally, they are mostly Gryffindors who are naughty or give stupid answers. They have to learn how to behave." He looked at me cheeky. I grinned slightly as my thoughts took me to the misdeeds of our school days.
"And then, as Head of Gryffindor House, you have an opportunity to compete with me about that and the House Cup." he said mischievously.
"As if I've ever wanted to be competitive." I said unwillingly.
Severus considered my words before replying:
"I don't think it would have done you any harm. You always liked to hide your light under a bushel. Groundless, I think."
"I don't like bragging."
"You seem to confuse bragging with showing what you can do."
"There is nothing that makes me special or that I am particularly good at."
"I have to disagree with you there!" he said softly but firmly.
"And what would that be?" I asked him uncertainly. What should it be that made me stand out from others? I knew I was quite talented at witchcraft, but not outstanding or gifted naturally like Severus.
"Besides your expertise in herbalism and also potions? To give friendship and kindness to someone who has made mistakes and deeply regrets them." he whispered barely. I found myself blushing and quickly turned in the other direction. But I felt his gaze on me.
"It's nice of you to say that." I said embarrassed. The heat rose from my cheeks all over my face.
"And you're the only person who can associate the word nice with me."
I grinned at him and got a slight smirk back from him, lips tightened. Then he pulled back a test he was preparing for the sixth years and sighed deeply.
"What's going on?" I asked curiously as I laid my hands on my own student works.
"I'm just thinking about the stupid answers I'm about to get to these questions." he said, annoyed.
"Oh, it certainly won't be that bad. Give me the test!" I said firmly.
"Why?" He looked at me with astonished black eyes.
"I want to do it. And if I pass, you'll drink a bottle of your good Elf-made wine with me, which I saw the other day." I said boldly with a grin.
"The test is not easy. You know I screen out my seniors beforehand. I'm sure you won't succeed without any preparation." He raised an eyebrow and gave me a critical look.
"Let's take a chance." I replied, tossing my long hair back.
He passed me the test with his long fingers, and I saw what he meant. They were very difficult questions. Some of these had pitfalls. He watched my reaction and his lips curled up mockingly.
I answered the first question (You want to brew Polyjuice Potion. What is the purpose of this potion? Describe the first two parts of the process, detailing all the specifics of the ingredients!). Severus looked over my shoulder. His proximity made me nervous. I felt his breath on my neck, giving me goosebumps.
But I knew all the answers to his questions, no matter how detailed they were. When I was done, I quickly turned to Severus. For a few seconds I had the feeling that he seemed absent. Lost in thoughts while still standing very close to me. I swallowed and looked at him confused. He snapped out of his freeze and grinned slightly as he took the sheet from my hand and scanned it.
"Well, I owe you a bottle of Elf-made wine, then." he stated appreciatively. I nodded contentedly.
"How about tomorrow night after dinner? In my private room?" I pinned him down. He thought for a moment.
"Yes, why not." His lips curled into a grin that lulled me to sleep.