Chapter 242

Please You

John felt troubled by many things. Most of them seemed to be related to Cameron. He wondered what he could do to 'fix' things or change them even. Then he wondered if he even should. He ran everything through his mind again.

Was the fate of the world and mankind his responsibility? It shouldn't fall on his shoulders. It was Future John who needed to deal with all it. It wasn't him, even if it was him.

He did a lot of thinking about the next subject. He wasn't sure how it would go over. It was pretty radical and extreme. It would change everything and alter the future a few times over.

John was glad when he found Bob. It was just the person he wanted. He skipped the pleasantries and went straight into the subject.

"Bob, can I send you back in time?" John asked.

Bob looked over at John. It seemed kind of sudden. He wondered if he missed something. Something must be up if John wanted to send him on a temporal mission. He was the General and it was his duty to serve.

"I will do anything for you, John Connor." Bob said.

John worried about how it was going to sound.

"I want to keep from moving to New Mexico and meeting Cameron in 1999." John said.

Bob wasn't sure how it was going to be possible. Cameron would still track him down no matter where he was. She actually might find him quicker if they weren't in New Mexico. In order to prevent Cameron from finding him, she would need to be terminated. It wasn't something he wanted to do.

"Do you wish for me to terminate Cameron in 1999?" Bob asked. "It's the only way to stop her. I won't do it. I won't be the one to terminate Cameron under any circumstances."

John almost smiled. He hadn't thought of it being viewed in such a way. He knew Bob was right. Cameron would still track him down. Terminators never stopped until they found their target. He wondered if 'target' was even the right word. There were times where it sure seemed like it.

"No, I don't want her terminated. I just wonder if my life could be different. I wonder if I could have a real life." John said. "I want you to replace her as my protector and make the same time jump into the future so I can have the same experiences I've already lived."

Bob briefly wondered if John would want a sexual relationship with him. If he replaced Cameron, and John wanted the same experiences, it's what would be required. His programming was limited in such matters. Maybe Jim or John Henry would be a better choice. He could only state the obvious without getting too specific. He certainly didn't want to give John any ideas, especially if he didn't already have them.

"I don't think it will be the same." Bob said.

John wanted to try something different. He didn't want to shirk his responsibility to the future. He just wanted things to be different. He wanted them to be more sensible and manageable. Maybe he just wanted to have control of his own life. Between his mother and Cameron, he wasn't sure how many decisions he actually made were of his own doing. He didn't think it was too many.

"I need to try. I'm ready to try new things." John said. "I know it will create a new timeline."

Bob was a little more worried now. He wondered if John wanted Riley. He would prefer it over a sexual relationship with John himself. The reality was, everything else would play out differently too. Nothing would be the same. Events would occur differently, or not even happen at all.

"Without Cameron, there will be no need for Future Jesse to have Future Riley get close to you in the first place." Bob said. "They will most likely remain in the future. One or both of them may be be terminated by Scavengers."

John could see it now. It was still frustrating. His whole life was frustrating and empty at times. He just needed something more out of life. There needed to be more to go on. It really made him wonder how his mother did it and went through everything she needed to go through. She ended up in the 'nut house' and was accused of being a criminal and being insane. She always tried to provide a 'normal' life for him so he could attend school to socialize with others. She tried to keep him from being isolated.

It made him feel guilty for all the times he was angry at her. He shouldn't have said things to her, and even cussed at her, because of his own frustration. It must have been ten times worse for his mother to give up everything whenever she started to have something, just to keep him protected. His biggest regret was Charlie. Both Charlie, and Charlie's wife, were dead because of him. If his mother would have remained associated with Charlie, he wouldn't have had a wife. Well, it wouldn't have been the same wife. Maybe Charlie would have been killed anyway. His wife wouldn't have. He could see how changing something simple could affect others almost instantly.

"I don't know, Bob." John said. "I just don't know. I'm no longer happy being with Cameron. I don't think we're compatible. There are too many differences between us. I'm not even sure who she is half the time. It was before she could make a clone of herself. She keeps hurting me for what always seems like nothing."

Bob wanted to keep it simple. He didn't believe Cameron was the one to blame even if everything seemed to revolve around her. She was a victim of her programming.

"Cameron is malfunctioning. She's being driven by internal demons." Bob said. "They seem to cause and perpetuate her 'obsessions'. Those all lead to problems."

John just shook his head. It always came back to him. It didn't matter if it was the future, the past, or the present. He was the root cause of Cameron's troubles. He wanted to blame others. There weren't really others to blame.

"It's what kills me." John said. "I'm the one who created them all in the first place."

Bob wondered what direction John wanted to go. He didn't know what the right direction for John was. He doubted even John knew which direction he wanted to go.

"John, what do YOU want?" Bob asked.

It seemed pretty basic to John as to what he wanted. He thought it was what everyone wanted. It was his assumption. Maybe it wasn't what everyone wanted. Each person viewed things differently and possessed different goals. It should still be simple, no matter how it was looked at.

"I want a life. I want a normal life…." John said. "I want Cameron to have one too. I want one for her without me ruining her life and hurting her. She can make her own decisions and do what she wants. She can be with who she wants."

John figured maybe Cameron and Vanna could hook up. They both loved each other. Savannah was sweet on her too. Wait. He wasn't about to push anyone into anything they didn't want to do.

Bob was still a little concerned with what John planned for him going forward in 2007 from 1999. He would like to offer a few suggestions and try to keep some things the same. It would still allow them some of the conveniences of a more modern life.

"If we're going to alter the timeline, I could send Cameron and you into the past together. I could send both of you back fifty or seventy five years." Bob said. "You could both live a new life together without any of the problems created after 2007. It would be a new beginning. It could be a fresh start for both of you."

John actually liked the Idea. It could just be Cameron and him. They could live a normal life. There wouldn't be any Skynet to deal with. There was one other thing he wanted taken care of. He wanted something done for his mother. He wanted her to have a real life and some happiness. He wanted her to have what she really wanted. It would also protect Charlie because he would never become involved with his mother.

"After you send us into the past, could you send yourself back in time and terminate the Terminator who killed Future Kyle after he and my mother were 'together'?" John asked. "I want to make sure I'm created first."

Bob thought it sounded like a good idea. He was aware of the hardships and suffering Sarah faced after Future Kyle's death. She was treated unfairly by those in power who she tried to warn of the dangers of the future. He thought it was somewhat ironic none of them wanted to listen to what was going to happen. The change of such magnitude was going to cause temporal repercussions.

"Yes." Bob said. "It would create another new timeline as well."

John shrugged his shoulders. There were some changes which needed to be made. They would be better for everyone involved. Everyone else's life should go on as it was before. What happened in the rest of the world shouldn't change. It should be a localized event for those involved with the Resistance. He questioned his decision. Who was he to change anything? Now he felt like Cameron as he made decisions to alter people's lives for them. Some things just needed to be done. He also wanted to ensure his parent's safety.

"In for a penny, in for a pound." John said. "I would want you to stay with them to protect them, and me, as I grow up. You'll be 'Uncle Bob' to all of us."

Bob wanted everyone to be happy. He would be glad to be out of the current timeline when he did what John wanted. He was sure it wasn't going to go over very well with the others. In fact, the current timeline was probably going to fall apart. There most likely wouldn't be an alternate future. It wouldn't be the same alternate future anyway. It most likely would mean Vanna, Allison, Jesse, Derek, Kyle, and Riley wouldn't be there. They probably wouldn't even exist. Based upon what happened to them growing up, maybe it wasn't a bad thing if it never happened to any of them because they didn't exist.

"Let me know when. I'll do it." Bob said.

John was pleased to hear it. He just needed to run through everything again. He wanted to make sure it was the right choice. As much as he tried to tell himself it was, somehow it didn't feel like it.

"I want to think about it some more." John said. "It should be soon."

John realized he wasn't so different from Cameron after all. The decisions were really not too hard. It wasn't about playing God. It was about trying to HELP people.

John wanted to help his mother and father.

He wanted to help himself.

He wanted to help Cameron too.

Wasn't helping people what he was supposed to do in the future? Why couldn't he help them in the past? Why couldn't he save the lives of some of those he cared about?

Jesse spent most nights with Vanna, unless Gail was at the base when she was off of rotation. Being with Gail was too exciting and special to pass up. Vanna didn't want to interfere with her and Gail so she didn't come. She always invited her. Vanna said she didn't want to intrude. Sometimes she asked Gail to stop by and see Vanna anyway before she arrived in her room. She thought everyone deserved a treat.

Gail understood the need for Jesse to be with Vanna. The two human females needed each other to not be 'lonely'. Loneliness was something humans didn't do well with. Vanna and Allison were a part of Jesse's life before her. She also knew John could be another new part of Jesse's life she would have to accept as well.

She was open to being with Jesse with either Vanna or John, or the four of them together. She would at least like to try it one time. She would like for John to be her first male. She wanted to experience everything Jesse experienced now. She wouldn't want to experience what Jesse experienced in the past, the future. None of it seemed pleasant.

There was a desire for her to go on a temporal mission into Jesse's past, the alternate future. There were a lot of terminations she would need to carry out. Maybe she would change some things in the alternate future if she did. She still felt justified in her desire to punish and terminate those who abused Jesse. She would go after the ones who abused Vanna and Allison as well. Jesse told her before not to do it. She said she didn't want any other versions of her created, either directly or indirectly. She said there would still be suffering of some type for all of them in some way. Maybe the past was best left alone. What was done was done. The girls survived. They were all there now.

Vanna stopped going to see Allison. It was too painful for her. She knew Allison now loved Holly. Jesse tried to comfort her and be with her most of the time. She knew Jesse loved Gail as well. Her two lovers both shared with a Metal girl as their lover. She didn't have anything. It seemed Cameron was never around anymore. Cameron was who she wanted for her Metal lover. It was doubtful it was ever going to happen.

She decided it was time to pursue John and fulfill her destiny. It's what Cameron wanted anyway. Maybe now was the time to get it over with. It would help ease her pain elsewhere. It was what she was going to do sooner or later.

'Why not sooner?' Vanna asked herself.

She could warm John's bed which was left empty and cold by Cameron. She possessed what John wanted. John offered what she needed. It was as simple as companionship. It was the foundation for any relationship. She would gladly share her body for it.

Vanna felt John looked like he needed companionship as well. He didn't look happy most of the time. Cameron always seemed to hurt him without trying to. They could comfort each other. She would yield to Cameron when she was around.

Right NOW she NEEDED someone, anyone.

Allison told Holly of her personal desires. They weren't the things Holly wanted to hear.

"Are you sure you want this, Allison?" Holly asked.

Holly was very possessive of Allison. She didn't like anyone to spend time with her other than herself. She didn't feel responsible for Vanna being driven away. Allison was the one who made the decision. She always let her irritation be known though when Vanna visited. Nothing was ever spoken.

There was something bigger at play there and it happened inside of her. Holly couldn't explain it. It was like the more she was around Allison, the more she needed to be around Allison. It seemed to grow and feed on itself. It was something which she didn't seem to have any control over. She didn't know if it was something she needed to have control over. It was all very natural and organic. None of it was manufactured.

'Manufactured', maybe she should have chosen a better word. There was something very 'manufactured' about their relationship. It was her. She didn't have any control over her creation. It was someone else's decision and choice. She was simply the product of what was created. She would never be able to be human. She could never offer what a human could to another human, even if she tried. She did try. It was clear to her Cameron was much more advanced in such matters. It made her wonder if the baggage Cameron was forced to drag around was the price for such advancement. There were many factors which needed to be weighed. The choices didn't all belong to her. They actually belonged to Allison.

She was afraid John would take Allison from her. If Allison entered into a traditional relationship with John, where would it leave her and Allison? Maybe on the few nights Cameron actually did show up, Allison could find some time for her. It was unless Cameron would be together with both of them. It would be the three of them. She would be left out, forgotten, replaced…. It was her who then would become Nobody. It did seem to be more of the trauma Cameron needed to face. Why couldn't anything be simple?

Allison wanted to have her life too. She wanted a life and a future. She wanted more than her future could offer her. She should be able to have some of the things she wanted out of life. Holly needed to understand. She could feel Holly's trepidation. As far as Holly's question went about being sure, she really wished she knew. She didn't.

"I don't know, Holly." Allison said. "It's what's going to happen. Why not let it happen now while I'm still young and healthy. It's what I want. It's what I want to try anyway. Things may or may not work out."

Holly sat in silence for a long while and then it slipped out.

"Will you 'throw me away'?" Holly finally asked.

Now Holly faced the same feelings Cameron felt. She knew the 'feeling' from when Duplicate Cameron shared space on her chip. Now it was going to happen to her. She noticed her left hand began to glitch. She tried to stop it, but was unable to do so. She tried to hide it from Allison.

Allison noticed the 'problem' right away. She came to Holly immediately and held her, hugged her and kissed her. She tried to soothe her. She took a hold of her left hand and it stopped glitching. She knew the same demons which haunted Cameron, now haunted Holly, her beloved. It wasn't what she wanted to happen.

Holly looked at Allison with all the love she could muster in her eyes. She didn't want to say what she felt. There were soon tears in her eyes.

Allison felt terrible about it. It was happening because of her. She wanted to try and clear some things up. She didn't know if she could. She might end up making them worse. She still needed to try.

"I won't do it to you. I may have to share my time with John and the baby, but I won't ever throw you away." Allison said. "We all know what needs to be done and why. You've become the most important part of my life now, Holly. I'll only put the baby above you. It's the real 'Natural Order' for a mother to put her offspring first."

Holly felt some hope. She did understand the majority of creatures on earth attempted to watch over and protect their young. It was so the species could survive. If the young weren't protected, the species would eventually be terminated. She was concerned about herself. There was still a lot of fear. She knew what Cameron experienced and felt. It was her fear as well.

"So you won't abandon me or think I'm a walking 'pile of junk'?" Holly asked. "I don't want to end up on the 'scrap pile'.

Allison was a little appalled by the statement. She never did anything to make Holly think such terrible thoughts. She was actually angered at the ones who told Cameron those things. Holly should never think of any of them from her, ever.

"No, I would never disrespect you in such a fashion. Holly, you're my 'everything'. Vanna has abandoned me for Jesse. She was unhappy with OUR relationship, you and me." Allison said. "She has forsaken me. I don't even want to address those other things you said about you. They actually make me sick to even think about. Don't think along those lines. I don't. I don't ever want to hear them again."

It was something Allison felt deeply and it hurt her.

Holly felt a twinge of guilt again over it. A lot of it was her fault. Cameron told her Allison and Vanna needed each other. She was the interloper. She would never be able to provide Allison with the human emotion and contact she needed. Maybe she was just selfish. Maybe she needed to listen to Cameron.

"I don't think you should give up on Vanna." Holly said. "I know you both love each other, even if the road gets rocky or other people get in the way. I don't want you to close any doors because of me. If you do, it will come back to haunt me eternally."

Allison could see Holly's point. Right now she couldn't feel it. There were other matters in her mind. There were other things to think about.

"The only constant in life is change." Allison said. "I know change always comes even when we try to avoid it. It's one of the things we need to adapt to in life. Somehow it all seems to work out in the end. Maybe it's because we need to make it work out to go on."

Holly could see change was inevitable. Nothing ever remained the same forever.

"I'll adapt to any changes as well." Holly said. "Nothing is ever centered around one individual."

Allison understood it all. She wanted to reach out to Holly in a special way. She called the protection Detail and told them to be extra vigilant as Holly and her would be 'unavailable' for a few hours. She made sure her mother was in control of Young Allison and Summer. She didn't want any spying either.

"Mom, I need to be with Holly for a while, alone." Allison told her.

Claire did her fair share of eavesdropping. She didn't think it was a big deal. It was something everyone did. She was curious to know what was going on around her as well. She also did a little spying when she could get away with it. She liked to see what her daughter's lovers looked like, everywhere. It always excited her greatly. She didn't think there was anything more beautiful than a female body. It didn't matter if it was constructed or not.

"I understand, relationships can get rocky sometimes. Share your love with her, sweetheart. Holly is a wonderful person." Claire said. "You need to follow your heart and understand sometimes it gets sidetracked. Even if you don't know it now, you do know what you really want."

Claire wondered if her statement wasn't actually more about herself. She knew where she was at. She knew what she really wanted. She currently didn't have it.

Allison looked at her mother for a long moment. She knew they were other issues there to discuss. Right now wasn't the time. There was something else she needed to do. She took Holly to her room.

"I want to undress you." Allison said. "I want to unwrap you like the gift you are to me."

Holly still looked sad, lonely and afraid.

"I'm going to do everything for you. You don't need to do anything but enjoy it. I WANT to please you and make you feel special." Allison said. "Holly, I want YOU, I love you, Holly."

Allison gently and slowly undressed Holly and then herself.

Holly looked at Allison with wide eyes.

Allison loved Holly as meaningfully as possible.

'Killing Me Softly With His Song' by 'Roberta Flack', played quietly in the background.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Please

Please, attack me not
I ask this of you
At this time
This is the best I can do

Please, don't crush me
As I reach out
I am struggling
Without trying to shout

Please, don't hurt me
I have enough pain
The things that are wrong
Are inside of my brain

I can't help
What has gone wrong
Think of this
As my last song

The race itself
Is the race against time
My fear grows daily
I mean no crime

Please, use your mind
To fill in any blanks
I seek no conflict
I will just say thanks

Nobody