Chapter 243

Not This Way

Cameron believed she became cold and cruel. She felt she was more and more like Future John herself. It bothered her. There were times where very little seemed to matter to her anymore. Most of what happened seemed meaningless to her.

The fact she enjoyed terminating another version of 'herself' made her want to do it again. She even enjoyed inflicting pain on 'herself' as she beat and abused 'Nobody'. She retrieved the 'chip' from 'Nobody'. She would download the information one day so she could experience what she did to 'herself', and most of all, experience death. She purposely took her time before 'finishing it'. She knew she should have terminated 'Nobody' at least a week earlier. She was in very poor physical health with numerous broken bones at the time of her termination.

Alone by herself, Cameron sat lost in her calculations. She took out the thumb drive from the first Isabel-Cameron and looked at it. She felt her relationship with John was stagnant, slowly growing cold, and meaningless. She was dissatisfied with being a live 'silicone love doll'. She wasn't constructed to be a 'sex machine'. She often felt she was being used as such.

Cameron thought of River. She wanted the sensations for herself. She, well, Duplicate Cameron, was able to scan River, as River 'felt' the females 'together'. The thumb drive contained the actual information on it of Isabel-Cameron with the girls. She wanted to know herself. She wanted MORE. If she downloaded the file, those sensations would become hers.

'What's it like to be with a female?' Cameron wondered.

Cameron was sure they would know what she wanted and would like. They ALL told her it was more beautiful than to be with a male. She plugged the drive into the server. She connected the tether to her neck port. All she needed to do was hit 'Enter' and she would have those treasured memories and feelings. It would be as if she did it herself, as herself. She hoped it would give her what she was 'missing'. She heard the saying, once you try 'crack', you don't go back. She was sure she would want the girls then. Maybe she wouldn't want John any longer. She didn't care. She knew she could take any one of the girls she wanted, anytime. Her finger slowly slowly started to press down on the 'Enter' key. It was time to obtain what she was missing. It was literally right at her fingertip.

John was bored when there was little to do in the Command Center. John Henry's server, JH, seemed to take care of most of everything. Cameron tried to restrict him to the base for his safety. He felt it was unnecessary. It also allowed Cameron to do most of the fighting herself. Again, it was to protect him. Even with a protective vest, she still took damage. Whenever she was damaged, she wouldn't come around. She would always remind him about Allison, Vanna, and Jesse. She reminded him they were all there for his sexual needs and comfort. She also reminded him they were 'real'. It always irritated him when she did. Cameron was real to him.

John was pleased when he saw Bob come into the Command Center. It seemed like a good opportunity for him to do a little more.

"Let's go out and do some recon." John said to Bob.

Bob looked at John. He then looked at John Henry. He returned his attention back to John.

"Affirmative…." Bob said. "Did something come up?"

John hoped to bury his troubles with some action. His mind would be forced to refocus. The more he was stuck at the base, the more his life seemed to stagnate.

"It will take my mind off of what's happening around here." John said. "Or what's NOT happening around here as well."

Bob didn't really want to get into the personal aspects of some things. He was often drug into them anyway. If they brought along some of the others, they could deal with John's personal problems better than he could. It seems to be something humans were better equipped to handle.

"Do you want Kyle or Derek to go with us?" Bob asked. "Sometimes it's nice to have help."

It sounded good to John at first. He remembered they were already out. There was someone specific on his mind. Maybe he could make it better and 'knock' on a heart. Maybe he could just 'knock one off'. It would work too.

"No, they're busy. I want Jesse to go." John said. "I do understand why Kyle and Derek like to get out as well, now. I shouldn't place so many restrictions on them."

Bob shot John a long glance. He knew what John really was after and wanted. He really didn't think John needed to work at it so hard. From what Cameron told him, all John needed to do was go to her room. He could also ask any of the other Metal girls to be with him. They were all hardwired to say yes. None of the Metal girls could say 'no' if they were asked. He wanted to make sure John thought everything through first.

"Are you ready for her?" Bob asked. "She can be quite a handful."

John was ready for a little more. Jesse was the most acclimated to 'be with' males voluntarily. Vanna and Allison seemed to have all bad experiences with males. They both seemed willing to try it with him though. He was more than willing to give them the opportunity. He didn't plan to turn any of them down if they showed up in his bed again. Jesse seemed exactly what he wanted.

"Yes, I am." John said. "I think she's what I need."

John knew Jesse offered the most to share with him the quickest. Sure, all the girls could offer the same things, but Jesse was ready to offer all of them now. He didn't need to worry about any negative feelings or repercussions from her.

Bob knew what Cameron wanted. Jesse was really the 'backup' for Allison, and then Vanna. All the Terminators were aware Cameron would want Allison's child when she had one. None of them thought it was a good idea. There was bound to be a lot of negative feedback involved with it. He wanted to remind John the order Cameron would prefer for such sexual activity.

"Maybe Allison or Vanna would be less intense and perhaps more loving." Bob said.

John wanted some action. He didn't want loving right now. He wanted the action to be hot and heavy. He wanted to be able to satisfy the person he was with as well. It might happen with Allison, it might not with Vanna. He didn't want anyone to feel he used them, even if it was exactly what he planned to do.

"No, Jesse will have everything to offer me and then some." John said. "Every time I see her I feel excited and turned on. She makes sure I see her rings every time she sees me. It's to get my attention and make me notice her. I can say it's worked. I desire her the most right now."

John desired most of all to touch her rings and what they were attached to. It was how he would start out as he kissed her. He knew she would offer up everything else soon enough, if not simultaneously once he first touched her. He was ready to go all the way. Even if he knocked off a quickie and was done in thirty seconds, it would allow him to last a little longer the second time. It was when he hoped to deliver.

Bob remembered Jesse when she arrived from the future. She was hot, and she was trouble. Cameron 'rebuilt' her. She made her more seductive and created an allure to her presence. He wanted John to keep it in mind. It was his duty to warn John he was targeted by Jesse through Cameron's manipulation. All the Terminators knew how hard Cameron 'leaned' on her.

"You need to remember it's mostly Cameron's doing." Bob said. "Cameron made Jesse hot, no, HOTTER, so you'd want her. She does have a strong natural desire for all types of sexual relations. It's clear her preference is female when it's available."

John needed to rate the effort as 'Mission Accomplished' on Cameron's part then. He was aroused just talking about Jesse and everything she could offer. He really wanted to run his hands over her tight and trim figure.

"It worked. I do want her." John said. "She is an exotic beauty with a tight smoking hot body."

Bob didn't like John to be led around as a victim of his hormones. He still felt it was his duty to give John as many reminders as he could.

"It's all what Cameron orchestrated." Bob said. "She's manipulated both of you. Maybe you need to take a step back and think everything through before you start. Once it happens, you can't make it un-happen."

John was very aroused and stimulated at this point. If he didn't find a female soon, he would need to take matters into his own hands, or hand actually. 'Rosie Palm' was getting way too much of a workout as it was. He was fed up with everything at this point.

"I really don't care anymore." John said. "Now, the recon can wait. I need something else instead. I know where to get it."

John got up and left the Command Center. He headed off towards Jesse's room.

John Henry remained silent through the exchange between John and Bob. He wondered if he should have said anything. Somehow it didn't seem appropriate. Now John left the Command Center and was headed for an illicit rendezvous. It didn't appear there was anything to stop him.

"Is there anything we should try to do?" John Henry asked.

Bob knew what was about to happen. There was no stopping it this time. He hoped Jesse wouldn't damage John. He hoped Cameron wouldn't damage Jesse…. Cameron was the one who instigated the whole thing in the first place. She better be willing to live with what she created. It was clear John was ready for some 'strange'.

"I really don't know." Bob said. "It's out of our hands and beyond our control at this point. The 'call of the wild' has taken hold. Nature will take its course."

Vanna paid a lot of attention to Cameron again since Allison was gone. She was with Jesse at times, but she needed to share Jesse with Gail.

She would often 'spy' on Cameron to see what she was up to. Usually it was going out on some operation alone. If she could tell where Cameron was headed, she would have John Henry redirect some assistance her way.

Now she could see Cameron was after something different. She thought there were better and more loving ways for Cameron to learn. It was time to act. She loved Cameron. She could provide Cameron with what she wanted. No, it wasn't wanted, it was what she needed. It was time to act. She pushed the door all the way open and entered the room.

"Are you sure it's how you want to 'learn'?" Vanna asked. "There's a much better and more personal way to do so."

Cameron paused. She lifted her finger from the 'Enter' key.

Vanna moved closer to Cameron as she came into the room.

Cameron was lost in thought. She looked long and hard at Vanna. She was 'hungry'. When she looked at Vanna, she became hungrier. She knew Vanna loved her. Vanna loved her when she was still stuck in the server. Vanna always loved her. She wanted to give some type of explanation.

"I wanted to 'know'." Cameron said. "I WANT to know."

Vanna saw the current situation as a rare opportunity. It was time to roll the dice. She unplugged the tether from Cameron's neck. She wanted to make sure Cameron didn't download the information. She planned to give it to her first hand. She moved close to Cameron as her hand lingering on her neck. She wanted Cameron to feel her presence.

Cameron faced Vanna and looked her in the eyes. All she could see was love.

"I want to 'know'." Cameron said again.

Vanna was going to knock, but she didn't want to 'push'. She knew what it was like to be 'pushed' when she didn't want to be. She would make it an option which would be Cameron's choice. She would give Cameron something to think about.

"Well?" Vanna asked. "You have the power to make a choice."

Cameron remembered the love Vanna always showed her and offered her. Vanna made it very clear, but never leaned on her. Vanna didn't lean on her the way she leaned on Vanna to be with John. It made her feel a little guilty to think about it. Everyone should have a choice. She remembered how Vanna was there for her before. They were so close. It was going to happen before everything changed.

"You almost 'taught' me once. It was before I was with John." Cameron said. "You would have been my 'first'."

Cameron realized Vanna could still be her first. She could be her 'first female'. She knew when she started, she would want to be with all of them, all the females. She knew each one would have something different to offer, even if what they offered was the same thing. Everyone was different.

Vanna gritted her teeth a little as she thought about the shot up mess Cameron was in when she first saw her. She always loved Cameron. She wanted Cameron to remember it. It still bothered her every time she thought about it.

"It was after John got you shot up and almost destroyed. It was after he abandoned you. It was after I lovingly put you back together." Vanna said. "I loved you when you were on the server, Cameron. I've always loved you."

Cameron knew it was true. She often replayed those events. Even though nothing happened at the time, they were still very special to her. It allowed her to see what love really was, even when it wasn't physical. The girls never ran her down or made fun of her about what she was. There were never any rude or snide comments directed at her from them.

"Yes." Cameron said. "You've loved me all along knowing what I was. What I am. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to share everything with you. You made me feel things I didn't know I could feel. You gave me desire. You gave me love. I really wanted you to be my 'first'."

Vanna swallowed hard. It was what she wanted more than anything. She decided to make her play. She could offer as much love as Cameron wanted. She decided to lay it out. It should still be Cameron's choice.

"Do you still want the same thing?" Vanna asked. "I can be your 'first female'. You will learn of true love and sharing. I promise you will never regret it. I know."

Vanna moved over and sat on Cameron's lap. She faced her. Their faces were only inches apart. Their breasts touched one another through their clothing. She could see it aroused Cameron some. She wanted Cameron to know how she felt and what she felt. She placed Cameron's hand on her neck. She wanted Cameron to scan her and monitor her body's responses. She wanted Cameron to feel her respond to HER.

Cameron did. It excited her as well. There were very strong sensations from Vanna. Everything she said was truthful as well. It was clear Vanna believed in everything she said. She could see it on her face as well as detect it through her scans. There was still some hesitation and trepidation on her part. She wasn't really sure why.

"Yes. I do. I want it. I want you." Cameron said. "I need to say I'm still 'afraid'."

Vanna felt a little fear. Maybe she pushed too hard. If she did, it wasn't intentional to be over assertive. She just wanted Cameron to know what was available. It was more than just anything physical. She wanted to help Cameron work through whatever issues there were. She didn't want to be on the wrong side of an encounter and make it a one way deal. She needed to know a little more.

"You feel afraid of what?" Vanna asked.

Vanna hoped she didn't make Cameron afraid of her. She was sure there was a deeper issue Cameron needed to deal with.

Cameron wanted MORE, but didn't want to lose what she already had. It was a fear of hers which crept up every time she thought about advancing her life to the next level. Her biggest concern was she would find she liked something better than what was already available. Once something better was found, it was hard to go back to something which was substandard.

"I'm afraid I might hurt John or worse." Cameron said. "I'm afraid I might not want him anymore."

It gave Vanna some pause to mull over. It could be more complicated than it needed to be. She wasn't out to ruin anyone's life. She believed there was plenty of love to share between multiple individuals. She didn't believe it took away anything from anyone but actually added to their lives. She was somewhat troubled by Cameron's past. She wanted to know what Cameron really felt herself, from inside of herself.

"Do you love John, or me, only because Future Allison loved us?" Vanna asked. "Are you worried it's where your feelings come from?"

Cameron felt a glitch impulse in her hand. She was afraid her 'love' was programmed into her. What if she really couldn't love and nothing was real? The glitch impulse shot through her left hand again. It would mean she was really nothing but a bunch of wires, circuits, and scrap metal, which masqueraded as a 'female'. It's what they told her she was in the beginning. She remembered all the cruel and mean things she needed to hear about herself. It wasn't how she thought of herself until they told her those things. It was how others saw her. Somehow it seemed it must be true. Why else would they say it?

"It's what I'm afraid of." Cameron said. "Maybe I don't really love anyone. Maybe I only THINK I do. It has always been a worry in my mind. I know what I feel. I don't know if it's real sometimes. It's very troubling to me."

Vanna knew differently. She knew there was one person Future Allison didn't even know of who Cameron loved. It was Duplicate Cameron, but it was still Cameron.

"You love River." Vanna said.

Cameron tilted her head slightly. She looked sad. It was true. It hurt her to think of it. When River left, there was a choice to make. She was never sure it was the right choice she made. She didn't go with her. She could have gone with River but she didn't. She stayed for John.

"I should've gone with her, Vanna." Cameron said. "I wanted to go. She's everything I am, and everything I'm not. She's perfect."

Vanna didn't think now was a good time to point out those were actually Duplicate Cameron's feelings. They were the same individual. Cameron possessed all those files from Duplicate Cameron. All of the files were integrated. They were part of her now.

"Nobody is perfect. Why didn't you go?" Vanna asked.

Cameron reviewed the files. They were her files now.

"She said I was needed here. She told me it wasn't our time yet. She said our time would come later. She said she would come back for me, or help get me back. When she does, I'm going to go." Cameron said. "I'm going to do it. It's what I want more than anything."

Vanna knew for Cameron, the feelings from Duplicate Cameron were as if they were her own. The wording Cameron just used worried her some. What was it River really spoke of when she said those things to Duplicate Cameron specifically? She was afraid if she pointed it out to Cameron, it would crush and devastate her. It was time to move on now with what was real and there. There was no need to dwell in the unknown, or the 'what if'. There simply was the 'what is.'

Vanna took the thumb drive from Cameron. It still gave her a shot at Cameron when she was ready without the files from Isabel-Cameron to 'satisfy' her. She didn't want to leave her with a crutch to lean on. She was available and intended to capitalize when Cameron was ready.

"When YOU are really ready, you need to learn on your own, not this way." Vanna said. "You don't know how beautiful it can be. I can teach and guide you. You know it. It will always be out of love and never just sex, lust, or greed."

Cameron believed everything Vanna said.

"I want to 'know'." Cameron said.

Vanna got up from Cameron's lap. As she did her breasts brushed against Cameron's face. She paused and let them linger there for a moment. It was another message sent. If it wasn't for the cloth which contained them, she knew Cameron would have taken one. She would still make sure her message was clear.

"You know where my room is…." Vanna said. "The door is always open for you. My love is always waiting for you to accept it. It always has been. You can do as little or as much as you feel comfortable with. Things can start off slow. Nothing needs to be rushed. Everyone needs to feel comfortable with what they're doing."

Vanna glanced back slowly as she left. She brushed her hair to the side to show more of her face. She gave Cameron a sly smile and winked at her.

Cameron felt a flood of feelings and emotions surge through her. They were her own. She knew it now. Her feelings were real. Her sheath and chip responded in ways she didn't know they could. She decided she was ready. Vanna was the one. It was time….

Allison worked on Holly. She wanted to express her love and let Holly feel it as love expressed through physical touch.

It worked. Holly did feel it.

"I've never felt so loved." Holly said.

Allison smiled. She was very pleased.

"I wanted you to feel loved. I wanted you to feel special." Allison said.

Holly wanted to return the feelings the same way.

"I do, Allison. I do." Holly said. "Now, let me love you."

Allison wanted it but she also wanted to stress the point that today was all about Holly and to make it special.

"No, not today. This was all about you, for you." Allison said. "You need to feel special, loved and appreciated. I want you to know you matter. Love is about sacrifice. We can be together tomorrow as usual. Today is just for YOU."

Holly felt very touched inside.

"I do feel special, now." Holly said. "Thank you for showing me you love me."

Allison looked at Holly with love in her eyes.

"I do, Holly." Allison said. "I really do."

Holly started to get up.

"Not so fast. I've only started to make you feel special." Allison said. "What we just did was only the warm up. You're about to receive the full treatment."

Holly loved Allison more than ever.

'San Francisco (Be Sure to Wear Flowers in Your Hair)' by 'Scott McKenzie', softly played as Allison gently loved Holly.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Rerun

Darkness
Rejection
Anger
Despair

Come in many painful forms
A gamble can be to win or lose
But not with the same chips or cards
There's a better way to choose

When you look at the person's outside
That's all you can see
It's what is inside that matters
Or you only get a fancy marquee

Bulges grow, things sag, wrinkles appear
Outer beauty evaporates with time
Isn't the person trapped inside still
Who they were in their youthful prime

As the world burns around us
Each new day is like the last
To stop living the same rerun
You need a different cast

Nobody