Warning: Sexual content in italics. Please skip if unwanted. The story is also represented in the archive, but marked as explicit there and also contains corresponding excerpts from previous chapters, I wanted to adapt it here as well.
Stood at the cold face, stood with our backs to the sun
I can remember being nothing, but fearless and young
We've become echoes, but echoes, they fade away
We've fallen to the dark as we dive under the waves
I heard you say
The devil's on your shoulder
The strangers in your head
As if you don't remember
As if you can forget
It's only been a moment
It's only been a lifetime
But tonight you're a stranger
Some silhouette
Let's go out in flames so everyone knows who we are
'Cause these city walls never knew that we'd make it this far
We've become echoes, but echoes are fading away
So let's dance like two shadows, burning out a glory day
Just hold me
Silhouette by Aquilo
"A nice day for a walk to Hogwarts?" Severus asked us icy, his gaze gliding over me and Remus. The black of his eyes sparkled menacingly, so I had to swallow briefly to hold back my emotions.
I was amazed at how he managed his own emotions. If I hadn't known myself that a few days ago I was still in his arms, feeling his lips on my body, I wouldn't have thought it possible myself. I tried to take an example from this and consider him a stranger and nodded to him only curtly, a recognition among old colleagues, nothing more. And before Remus or I could respond to his harsh words, the old headmaster was already taking the floor.
"I don't think they're just here for a walk. Right, Professor Lupin? But of course I'm happy to meet you both here. We have already learned of your arrival from the village, as there will now be certain arrangements for this school year," Dumbledore said and smiled knowingly at us, his eyes flashing teasingly from under his glasses.
"Professor Lupin?" Severus asked, raising his eyebrows in irritation, his face pale as he looked Dumbledore insistently in the face. It hurt me as much as it hurt him. I know he always wanted this position, but I was happy about every school year that passed, and he remained the Potions Professor. No one had ever held this position for more than a school year, and I dreaded what could happen to Severus if he taught Defense Against the Dark Arts.
"Yes, I offered him the job of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher," the headmaster explained cheerfully, visibly enjoying the grimace that Severus' face now twisted into.
"Professor Dumbledore, do you really think this is an appropriate idea in view of his-" Severus began to resist, but Dumbledore cut him off with a loud clearing of his throat.
"Certainly, Severus. I'm thinking through my decisions," Dumbledore said sharply.
Severus flinched, barely noticeable, before punishing Remus with a look that could kill. Not only did I swallow, but Remus also drew in his breath a little louder than usual, but he regained his composure from this scene faster than I did and turned kindly to the headmaster.
"Professor Dumbledore, thank you very much for your unwavering trust in me and I am delighted to be able to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts. It's just, you know my monthly condition and-" Remus began, but his objections were interrupted by a raised hand from Dumbledore.
"I'm sure our Severus is able to brew a proper Wolfsbane potion and can represent you in the classes under the circumstances," the old wizard decided, smiling mildly at Remus, so that he missed the gaze of Severus, who almost impaled him from the side.
"Excuse me, Professor. But in addition to my work as a potion teacher, I'm supposed to take over Lupin's lessons on a monthly basis and provide him with a Wolfsbane potion?" Severus asked in a soft but far too sweet voice, so that the message behind it reached all of us.
"I don't think you have any other commitments outside of school that keep you busy, or am I wrong?" Dumbledore asked calmly.
Severus glanced at me briefly before nodding curtly with his lips pressed together and crossing his arms behind his back to hide his tension.
"Very good, then all concerns have been clarified. Do you both want to accompany us up to the castle? The students won't arrive for a few days, but the house-elves have again prepared far too much food for the few teachers who have already arrived. Minerva and Filius will certainly be happy to have your company, Catherine. And you can tell me what adventurous cases of poisoning St. Mungo has to offer. You work with Asklepios Sharp, if I am correctly informed. A very capable wizard when I remember his days at Hogwarts..."
As we walked side by side, I tried to converse in an equanimous mood with Dumbledore, who left Remus and me no choice but to follow him and have dinner together. But he didn't ask any questions about why we were here in the first place. Either he could guess it, or he was happy with the idea that Remus wanted to take up his position.
While I was chatting with Dumbledore, Remus and Severus were silent, the mood between them seemed to be close to freezing, so I was glad when we arrived at the Great Hall, which seemed so frighteningly empty without the crowds of students.
"Well, Catherine, you're welcome to show Remus´ quarters, because they're your old private rooms in Gryffindor Tower, and the office will be on another floor near the classroom." Dumbledore looked at me and I nodded to let him know that I would like to show Remus his private rooms.
"Very well, we'll see you in the staff room for dinner. I still have something to discuss with Severus regarding the protection of Hogwarts this school year. I'm sure you've heard that the Ministry wants to station Dementors here. But I won't let them into the castle, I don't trust them," Dumbledore said and led Severus away from us, who, without even looking at me, walked away quickly with the schoolmaster, his cloak dangling behind him, so that my knees softened briefly as I resisted the urge to run after him and just kiss him.
It was unusual to see him without being able to touch him, because my time in this castle seemed to be an eternity ago. It felt strange, as if this man was just a silhouette, a stranger and I noticed for the first time that his charisma next to Dumbledore was no less impressive. However, it was different, because while Dumbledore's quirky nature made him seem amiable and inspiring despite his power, Severus seemed to have more of a sense of intimidation in what he was giving. It was as if he was riddled with darkness and a sense of bitterness. I knew the real Severus, not just individual moments he spent with me when we were carefree and could forget all the stuff around us.
I bit my lower lip because it was a thought I hadn't felt before. But his icy encounter at that moment made it seem as if a glass was bursting in front of me. It has always been visible, but never so tangible for me. It was as if I was the only person who knew him and the need grew in me to shout it out loud: He is a good person, he does everything for you and a secure future! But would it be more than an echo that would fade away?
Remus cleared his throat briefly to catch my attention again, because I was still looking after them, even though they had already disappeared around a corner into another corridor.
"Do you think it would be a suitable time for the Shrieking Shack?" he asked in a hushed voice, so as not to risk reverberation in the large stone walls. I looked around the empty vestibule. My gaze lingered on our backpacks.
"We should put the things in your private rooms first. If we hurry, we'll make it to the staff room in time for dinner," I said, grabbing Remus' arm to lead him up the marble stairs of the Great Hall.
Walking with Remus to the Gryffindor Tower was almost like the old days, except that everything around us was empty. I had the feeling that Remus felt the same way, because he suddenly laughed broadly, seemed more relaxed when we inspected his new accommodation.
"I have the impression that you are starting to look forward to your task, Remus," I said with satisfaction as I looked into his bright green eyes.
"Somehow, yes. I just remembered the two of us sneaking up the stairs after long hours in the library so as not to run into Peeves ," Remus noted, his eyes glazed over but full of fond memories.
"Peeves is still a nuisance, unfortunately," I said with a giggle as I opened the door to my old private rooms.
It seemed like no one had been here in the meantime, it was all as I had left it. But in one corner I found an exception. There was a book about potion making for the most advanced. I knew I hadn't left it there because it was foreign to me. All of a sudden, it came over me and I guessed who in the rooms would come here to read. When he felt lonely, when he thought of me, of us.
I swallowed my feelings, which were riddled with sadness and compassion. Compassion for the man I loved, his loneliness that he would like to feel in these crowded halls or empty dungeon rooms.
"Well, now we've unloaded the backpack here, we should hurry. Do you think we can go unseen?" Remus asked, and I stared into his gentle eyes, which looked at me expectantly.
I pulled out my wand and gently tapped my old friend's head and he disappeared right in front of me.
"Disillusionment charm. Excellent.", the voice of Remus stated, he was almost unrecognizable, because Alastor Moody had put a lot of effort into teaching me this spell, as if it were some kind of reparation for Gideon. He knew Gideon wanted to protect me from all mischief and this was Moody's way of contributing. I closed my eyes briefly to concentrate before applying the spell to myself. It was easier for me to use the unsaid spell on others, but that was a quirk that was hidden in the spell itself. It worked best when you loved a person, when you really wanted to protect him, and who loves himself as much as he loves others? A nuisance, isn't it?
Slowly we crept through the castle to the outdoor area, in between we saw a few ghosts and heard the laughter of Minerva and Filius, who seemed to be already on their way to the staff room.
Slowly we walked together out of the Great Halll, behind the castle, past the Greenhouses, which my gaze grazed longingly. How I would still like to call all of this my workplace.
Silently we walked towards the Great Lake, past the tree in whose bark the letters C+S was carved framed by a heart, I could make it out from afar and a warm feeling spread through me at the memory, but I concealed all this. As always.
"We never took you there, did we? Well, you don't even know the Shrieking Shack from the inside," Remus said quietly as we approached the Whomping Willow at dusk.
"No," I replied curtly, because it wasn't true. I knew this place well, because it was here that Severus revealed his true feelings to me and we used them as a secret shelter from time to time.
Remus, after a short search, grabbed a long stick and touched a point at the root of the tree, which was moving restlessly. With this tree, the Disillusionment charm did not seem to work, it recognized our presence. But he stopped immediately when Remus touched him with the stick.
"Do you remember how many people tried to touch the tree like a game until Davey Gudgeon almost lost an eye in the third year of school and we were forbidden to get close to the tree?" I asked softly as we climbed the tunnel between the roots, and I dissolved our camouflage with a pat on our heads. It was more pleasant to be able to look into each other's eyes.
"Yes, I had a guilty conscience. Sirius came up with the idea for the game. I wanted to discourage them, but everyone thought it was great. But you don't, right? You watched us from afar with your critical expression," Remus said quietly and helped me sink into the tunnel, which now seemed even narrower to me than before with Severus.
"Well, I was just waiting for one of you to hurt," I whispered, nodding.
Suddenly, we heard a rustling noise. I ran my finger to my mouth to tell Remus to be silent. Remus tried to go ahead, but I cut him off in the narrow corridor, and before he could protest, I was almost in the room that seemed too clean to give the impression that it had been unused for decades. Severus and I had only cleaned it a few years ago. And so, I quickly waved my wand to restore the original dusty, dirty state before Remus could catch a glimpse of the empty room behind my back.
So, the room in front of the two of us now opened up desolate and dusty, the wallpaper continued to peel off the walls, the floor was full of stains and all the furniture was broken. As always, the windows were boarded up.
"I remember it differently," Remus said quietly before walking down the room, his wand lighting the old candles in the chandelier above us.
"And there's no one here," I said disappointedly and looked at the old bed and saw the tattered sheets, which made me blush with a slight blush of shame, before I stepped back into the foyer of the Shack. There was the cause of the cracking, which we had heard. A board had come loose and creaked slightly in the breeze that passed through the shabby Shack.
"Yes, damn it. It was the last option I could think of," Remus said, angrily kicking a chair whose leg was now torn off and which collapsed. His eyes were wide with rage, his teeth were bared, as if he was ready to tear something with them.
I backed away a bit because I hadn't seen him like this for a long time. It was the wolfish in him that burst to the surface from time to time.
"Sorry, I didn't want to... I'm sorry if I bother you," Remus said, hitting the wood of the hut with his fist. I stepped up to him again, took his clenched fist in my hand.
"All good, I understand it. You were hoping he was here and you could confront him."
"Yes," he said softly and before I could look into his wet eyes any longer, he turned around and marched the narrow dirty tunnel back to the castle.
I sighed. It all seemed so pointless. We had been looking for Sirius, wanting to find him before the Dementors, who had now been hounded on him before the school year starts and Harry would be in danger. We could have gotten out of him if he knew where Voldemort was hiding, why he was looking for the boy in the first place, and most importantly, we would have hear why he became a traitor. All this now seemed intangible.
However, Remus was waiting for me in front of the Whomping Willow and when I caught up with him, he was already smiling again.
"Perhaps he has become aware of the danger that his stay at Hogsmeade or Hogwarts would bring. Maybe it's just on a beach in the Caribbean, surrounded by pretty Muggle women," Remus said with a shrug.
I thought about these words for a moment and felt that Remus would really wish for this, not for the traitor, but for an old friend. I wondered how Remus would react if he faced Sirius as a traitor. After all this, would he be ready to see not only the friend he thought had long been lost? Wouldn't it be easy for Sirius to kill Remus like those 13 Muggles with a curse?
"Be careful, Remus. He's clever, you can't underestimate that," I said softly and saw his smile freeze as if I had thrown a block of ice on him.
He just nodded before we slowly walked to the castle in the moonlight. At the entrance, I suddenly saw a black figure scurrying by, Remus and I quickly pulled out our wands, only to breathe a sigh of relief a few moments later when a deep, sonorous voice reached our ears.
"Another romantic walk in the moonlight for the two of you?" Severus asked, looking at us demonic. And I wondered if it was jealousy that so easily angered him and made it easier to pretend, we weren't lovers.
"We remembered the beautiful school grounds and wanted to explore them together again. We must have forgotten the time."; I said, smiling, while Remus wrinkled his forehead.
"Just like in the old days, yes?" said Severus, crossing his arms in front of him, his gaze almost piercing us. But Remus suddenly smiled.
"Almost. I would say there have been changes in all of us in the last few years, right?" said Remus and walked quickly towards the staff room, which was on the ground floor of the school building.
Severus and I looked at each other a little irritated before hurriedly following Remus. Before we betrayed him, my hand briefly touched Severus' fingers, my heart pounded excitedly, I felt him run his fingers over mine, they played with each other in mutual intimacy. Replied.
It relaxed me immediately, because his rejection, which he showed in front of Remus and me, seemed so real that I almost got scared. But now I knew it was his mask, his defense, to disguise his true person. Almost like in the old days.
I looked at him from the side and saw the corners of his mouth twitch upwards briefly, in memory of the common connection. But his face immediately hardened again when Remus opened the door to the staff room in front of us.
Minerva had reserved two seats next to her and waved me and Remus excitedly to her, while Severus took a seat at the end of the table next to Dumbledore. The old wizard leaned directly towards him, and they both exchanged a quiet conversation, certainly about the place where Severus had found Remus and me, for Dumbledore's gaze was on me as I sat down with Remus beside Minerva.
"Oh Catherine, it's nice to see you again. You still look the same as you did 3 years ago, haven't changed. But Remus Lupin, I haven't seen you in over a decade, how have you been?" asked Minerva, happy to squeeze a new professor about his life. Various foods immediately appeared in front of us and I heard my stomach growling loudly. I blushed slightly, because apparently more than my mind was happy about the spontaneous stay in these old walls. I briefly glanced sideways at Severus, as I loaded various dishes onto my golden plate, he was watching me in hiding and couldn't help but smile. He himself chose only a little of the offered abundance, as if he were tired of all this, but I knew that his gloomy thoughts often prevented him from eating. So, he had to be very worried again, certainly because of Sirius and Harry's safety in the castle.
Next to me, Remus was eagerly talking about his volunteer work with the Muggles, at the same time enjoying the delicious food while Minerva listened with interest and asked questions.
"But tell me, you're certainly here with Catherine for a reason. Is there a connection between the two of you?" Minerva asked directly, her eyes flashing as I put my cutlery aside and squinted at my empty plate.
Remus's eyes narrowed and he cleared his throat, I knew he was expecting my help in this matter, but I thought it was a good exercise to deal with Minerva and her curiosity. So, I leaned back in my chair in silence, grinning a little bit.
"Well, the two of us have been close friends since Hogwarts and she encouraged me to take this position as Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts," he said truthfully, but his voice sounded slightly unsettled.
"Oh, I felt like the two of you were an ideal couple in your seventh year. That's why I thought you'd found yourselves on a profound level by now," she said, while Filius blushed slightly and giggled softly.
"You're right, Minerva. We have that too. Our friendship has become deeper, we have survived a lot together since then," Remus said and looked at me amused when he noticed my big grin.
"Well, it's not the end of the day yet, is it? Although I also heard that you are now working with Asklepios Sharp?", Minerva now turned to me and looked at my filigree pendant, which I had been wearing for years, a gift from Severus.
"Yes, but what does that have to do with Remus?" I asked curiously, frowning.
"If one person doesn't recognize your value, another does," Minerva philosophized and giggled. I glanced briefly at Remus, whose smile disappeared and who was now also looking at me, just as I felt Severus' gaze on me.
"Asklepios is truly a talented colleague and quite attractive. But I'm afraid my heart is closed, Minerva. It's not going to open," I replied ambiguously, hoping Severus would understand the message. I knew he was jealous because he was afraid of losing me, and there were many kinds of them, not just death. But my heart belonged only to him and was impregnable to others, at least in the field of love, which, as is well known, did not exclude friendship.
"I can see you're a tough nut to crack. I'm curious to see who will ever get to crack your heart. But tell me, what are the most common cases you encounter in your department at St. Mungo?" the elderly witch asked, now turning to an area of interest other than the love life of me or Remus. After answering this question, I said goodbye under the pretext of going for a walk in the outdoor area, while Remus happily devoted himself to desserts and a conversation with Dumbledore.
I paced up and down the lobby a few times until I felt his presence behind me, his breath on my neck. I turned around with racing hearts, my pupils dilated and my skin tingled with goosebumps. My lips parted with a trembling exhale, for he made my mind shimmer with excitement. And immediately I felt his lips, tasted him and it was as if it were salvation in a sea of longing. His tongue quickly opened my mouth, he explored my tongue, playing, demanding, wild.
But where were we? When someone saw us? I paused with the last remnant of will I could muster, loosened. The black of his eyes blazed and I remembered a room on the ground floor. The old classroom, which had long served as a storage room. I grabbed his arm and we literally stumbled into classroom 11, locked the door, Severus sent a muffliato towards him.
We were already facing each other, our bodies breathing heavily, but we stopped. We looked at each other, our eyes examined each other. The feigned distance to each other had been almost unbearable. A few days had passed since our bodies had last touched. I wanted to touch him again, feel him and taste him.
When our eyes met, we shot at each other like arrows, he grabbed my head, ran through my hair, I grabbed his collar, pulled him towards me and when our lips touched, it was like a fire broke out.
"I want everyone to know that you're only mine!" Severus whispered on the back of my neck before he started kissing me there. His voice sounded authoritarian, as if he were a professor in class reprimanding his students. The black of his eyes glittered menacingly.
"Severus...", I closed my eyes, enjoying his passion for me, because my desire for him was no less.
"I want Minerva to know exactly who's putting his cock in you. I. Just me." And Severus' hands ran hard over my curves, on which my dress was still resting. I swallowed.
"I want to choke Filius' giggles when I tell him how I split your body with every hard thrust into you."
"Severus..." I moaned softly, hearing only the tearing of my dress, which he pulled apart in a jerk, exposing me in a hungry greed that consumed him.
"I want to watch Lupin's eyes widen in shock when he learns that he never had a chance with you. Because it's me you want. No one else. Me," he said, turning around and throwing me on a table, where I supported myself with my hands and gasped for air. But I didn't have any time, because I already felt my underpants being roughly pushed aside.
To my own astonishment, I felt that I was already very wet despite the short foreplay, because his offered lust for me was enough to kindle my fire as well. Because it was exactly what I wanted in my life for so long. Him, just him. He was right.
With a strong push I felt him penetrate, we both moaned because of this strong friction, but he paused for a moment. I turned my head to see a sneering grin on his face.
"You're ready yet?" he whispered, his voice sounding astonished, "Very good. I love being enveloped by your damp walls. "
He grabbed my breasts from behind and massaged them with one hand while clutching my shoulder with the other to push me deeper and rhythmically to control his movements.
I moaned about the gigantic hunger I felt. I wanted to milk him until he fell over, but it didn't seem difficult, because I felt him trembling, he had no control anymore.
"You'll come," he whispered in a soothing voice and I felt his fingers go from my chest to my stomach, the pelvis to my opening, which glowed with heat. "You're going to drip!"
His fingertips slid over my outer pussy lips, his thumb over my clit as he continued to thrust his penis into me.
He tormented my clit in merciless, tight circles, my whole body twitched beneath him, and I felt my walls begin to close around his hefty length as if they were trying to suck him in. Deeper. Harder, further.
The pace of his fingers was steady, nothing like the angry, irregular thrusts of his hips as he chased his own fast-approaching orgasm.
I felt my tension begin to discharge, a spasm gripping his limb and more wetness spreading over us. I clawed my hands into the table below me while Severus paused for a moment before he could delay the inevitable any further, he pumped wildly into me and found relief in me before I was even completely done with my own expulsion.
And an animalistic howl ran over his lips, which we had neither heard before, while he dyed me white inside.
Severus trembled at me, collapsed, and buried me deeper into the hard table beneath me before realizing what I was lying on. He rose gently from me, his now flaccid penis slipped out of me, followed by our combined fluids.
I turned around, looked into his eyes, which looked at me only half open in languid satisfaction, saw his reddened cheeks, his tousled hair, which was certainly just as distant as mine. He scanned my lips with his eyes, which were still swollen from our wild kisses, before leaning forward and encircling them with his mouth.
"You are so beautiful," he whispered softly to my lips.
/side note I've always wondered why Remus never came up with the idea of looking for Sirius. The assumption that he was in the Shrieking Shack, or the rock caves was so obvious. But if he had already done all this before the start of Harry's third year of school, he could be pretty sure that Sirius wasn't there, right? I just assumed that Sirius didn't take up quarters until the beginning of the school year to keep an eye on Harry until then and protect him from Peter.
That's why I've included this desperate search for Sirius and the question of why at this point.
I hope you like it! Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave me your thoughts and feelings as a review.I appreciate the exchange with you very much!/