Chapter 375

I Don't Know

Savannah and Cameron cried for a while until Cameron regained her composure.

Cameron knew what needed to be done. There was no putting it off any longer. Her worry over the other set of Duplicates overwhelmed her. She felt responsible for whatever happened to them. None of them ever returned, so something catastrophic must have happened. She needed to fix it. There was only one person who could help her. She looked at Savannah for a long moment.

"I need to contact River." Cameron said.

Savannah was unsure of where it would lead and what NEW can of worms would be opened. Whatever it was, it would take Cameron down some path she shouldn't be on or follow.

"I'd like to see River. I want to see all of them." Savannah said. "I feel responsible for them as well."

Savannah knew they could follow River moments after Cameron left, or even before Cameron went there the first time. Savannah knew she better go with Cameron wherever she went to make sure she returned. She knew this might involve her 'mother', Mrs. Weaver, at some point. It was something personal to her. It was something important as well. She understood things now she didn't before.

Cameron looked at Savannah for a moment. She wasn't exactly sure what she meant. She felt she was responsible for them since it was her folly which created them. She didn't know for sure if they existed or not. She believed they did based upon what Duplicate Cameron witnessed. She contained Duplicate Cameron's files. The other set of Duplicates wasn't the only thing she wanted to find.

"I need River's help to try to find out what happened to the other set of Duplicates and your mother." Cameron said. "She was supposed to work on the calculations with Duplicate Cameron. Her TDE is much more advanced than the one at the Resistance base. I'm going to look for the other girls."

It was what Savannah wanted to hear, even if she didn't want to say it herself. There were a number of factors which needed to be considered. They immediately popped into her mind. She knew Cameron must have contemplated the same issues.

"How are you going to look for them?" Savannah asked. "If they're still alive, they would've returned years ago. We all know this. You need to accept they may be terminated, or maybe never even existed."

Savannah didn't know why her 'mother' never came back to her, or for her. She always thought she would. It wasn't her real mother, but she knew Mrs. Weaver cared for her, and she cared about Mrs. Weaver. She took care of her and she tried to do better as time went on.

Cameron was sure the other set of Duplicates existed based on her files from Duplicate Cameron. They could be captives. At least the girls could be captives. The thought of them being held in a Scavenger camp repulsed her. It may have been the issue which actually motivated her.

"What if they're trapped, stuck, or prisoners?" Cameron asked. "It's a real possibility. Terrible things could have happened to them…."

Savannah knew what it meant. Vanna and Jesse both told her some of the things done to them, and what they were forced to do. They were enough to make her vomit. What was even worse, was both Vanna and Jesse said there were even more terrible things they just couldn't talk about. What kind of a living Hell was it? Based upon what she knew about females captured by Scavengers, things could have ended tragically long ago. Even if they found the girls, they might be unrecognizable. To know one of them was actually 'her', somehow made it worse.

'What if they're dead?' Savannah wanted to ask again.

Savannah was sure it was a more likely scenario. She was afraid it would set Cameron off into another episode. Maybe she should warn Cameron with a less final scenario.

"What if you can't get back, or end up in the wrong place, or timeline?" Savannah asked. "Then what will happen? How do you come home? There needs to be a way for you to return."

Cameron was very aware of the possibility. It was a gamble she needed to take. She planned to make sure her absence would be covered. The guilt she felt about everything was very overpowering. She didn't feel she needed to explain herself to anyone. She did want to try to explain some of it to Savannah. Perhaps it was just a way for her to justify what she wanted to do. It was something she knew was too risky and should never be attempted. Nevertheless she was still compelled to try.

"I can't continue believing my actions have marooned them somewhere 'in some future'." Cameron said. "I've insured John will have 'replacements' for me. I'll search for them until my power cell runs out, or I'm terminated. This is something I must do, Savannah. I don't think other people can understand me. I think you can, even if you don't agree with me. "

Savannah watched the same scenario play out before the few times Cameron was 'gone' for an extended period of time. One time the girls were still there. John came close to 'touching' them, but didn't. The time everyone else believed Cameron and the girls were terminated, she tried to 'offer' herself to John, but she was too youthful for anyone to agree to it. She didn't believe she was. Her mental state always exceeded her physical state. She was ready to step up and do what was necessary to ease John's pain until Cameron returned. She didn't see it as a big deal. It was going to happen anyway.

Females in Third World nations, and the inner city, often produced children at the same age she was then. It really wasn't a big deal. A few hundred years ago every female was married off by the same age. They didn't live very long back then. It was all a matter of perception. If the female was willing, it should be the only thing which mattered, not some 'number'. There were adults who lacked the mental ability of some in Grade School.

Savannah needed to focus her thoughts. She didn't want to get too far away from what the current issue was. There were certain factors which seemed to repeat themselves.

"John will never touch them, or me, without knowing what happened to you." Savannah said. "You will doom him to a life of emptiness. It will be the very thing you tried to stop and fix. You will counteract what you were sent back for. You will be the one who initiates it."

Cameron felt a slight glitch impulse as she listened to Savannah. It was a scenario she already contemplated and attempted to discount. Savannah only reinforced what she saw as one of her worst fears. It seemed to indicate once again she was the one responsible for all of the bad things which occurred.

She was still sure John would be better off without her clouding his life and future. It was her association with John which made him a target for assassination. Her presence prevented him from taking the girls as his mates and producing offspring. She was what disrupted the 'Natural Order'. She believed there were certain events which would occur regardless of what anyone did to stop them. It included her.

"There's no escape from the 'Natural Order' of time." Cameron said. "You and Young Allison are John's future, even if it takes another decade. Young Allison will be an adult then. She will take him. You will already be with her. Any Allison can take John. You can too."

Savannah wasn't too sure about any of it. It was still speculation on Cameron's part. She was sexually active with females now, but believed Young Allison still needed to make her own decisions. She wouldn't allow others to make those choices for her. She understood she might need to 'stand up' to Cameron over the issue. There were many variables or things that could go wrong. There were so many things which might or might not be.

There was one thing she knew for sure. She knew Cameron going on her own was folly. Cameron would be reckless and take too many chances. She might also seek termination. She wouldn't allow any of those things to happen. She didn't have any trouble making her choice. It just came out without her even thinking about it. It was something which was necessary.

"I'm going with you." Savannah said.

Cameron looked intently at Savannah. She was sure it was a one way trip. She couldn't allow Savannah to be sacrificed. Savannah was the future. It was she who was the past. Maybe it was time to admit the truth of what she knew would occur. There was no need to deny it. The end seemed to be a given, even before there was a beginning.

"NO. THAT is not going to happen." Cameron said. "We both know I won't be coming back."

It was what Savannah was afraid of. She felt she was able to make life choices for herself. Cameron was no longer in a position to tell her what she could or couldn't do. She was intelligent enough, and old enough, to make her own decisions. She could listen to other people's opinions, but it is all they would be to her.

She wanted to make sure Cameron understood her position and why. It was important to her Cameron recognize her individuality and freedom of choice.

"It's my choice." Savannah said. "I'm the one who gets to choose my destiny. I'm the only one who has the right to do so. Nobody can stop me."

Cameron knew Savannah was a leader. She didn't need to do this. The future needed Savannah to exist. John would need Savannah to exist so he would not self terminate. She witnessed the 'Day Of Loss' on Holly's chip, and the terrible fifteen months which followed. She couldn't put anyone through the same thing again. She was expendable, Savannah was not.

"NO, Savannah." Cameron said. "I won't kill you too. I've killed enough people I love."

Savannah wasn't convinced. Her mind was made up. If Cameron went, she was going too. Her life belonged to her. She would never abandon Cameron. It was a promise she made and she intended to keep it. She was prepared to trade her life for Cameron's life. Sacrifice was the true test of love and she was ready to prove it. It was just that simple.

John sent a team of Terminators to run down whatever Cameron was after when she 'disappeared' earlier. There was the operation in New Mexico and anything they could trace or associate with it. They were sure there would be one or more Skynet Terminators involved with the Skyweb operation. He wanted a progress report on where things stood. It didn't seem he was updated in a while.

"They still haven't found a trace of any hostile Terminators?" John asked.

John Henry coordinated the operation from the Command Center. Based on the lack of information from Cameron, since there was no record on her chip, it made progress slow going when they weren't sure in exactly which direction to look.

"Not yet. They're running down the leads." John Henry said. "There is little hard fact to work with."

John was aware the trail started in their area. Maybe it was a better place to start.

"What about the connection here?" John asked.

The Skyweb group was looked into and all targets were identified.

"We've sent teams to eradicate all traces and everyone involved." John Henry said. "So far we've encountered no Terminators or any version of HK equipment."

John was worried about all the HK variants they encountered. It still bothered him to think of Cameron riding on the back of one as she tried to disable it. The tracked HK equipment still wasn't the biggest threat yet.

"I'm worried most about the flying ones, the HK drones." John said. "Those are the ones we need to control. They are the ones we need more of."

John Henry was aware of what Cameron did on her follow up operations with her Terminators.

"Cameron has systematically returned to every facility we've destroyed and removed the remains of any Skynet equipment, including Terminators, or parts of them left behind." John Henry said. "She's collected quite a bit of machinery and controls most of the known Coltan."

John was a little surprised to hear it. He was sure the main purpose was for Cameron to be able to collect any additional Coltan she could get her hands on. Cameron conducted operations outside the scope of the Resistance. It did raise some interesting possibilities.

It made him wonder about the true nature of their personal relationship. How much of it was 'real' and how much of it was to 'control' him? It was an issue which crossed his mind more than a few times. There were times when Cameron was cold and distant when they shared. It was almost as if she wished she was any place else rather than under him. There were other times when she was very aggressive and seemed to enjoy what they did and wanted more. He also needed to consider she suffered from some type of mental illness and actually possessed a split personality. As far as he knew, it could be a dozen different individuals. It sure seemed like it at times.

"Is she ready to start any assembly lines?" John asked. "She's said nothing to me about any of it. Most of our interaction is as husband and wife. She doesn't want to talk shop."

John Henry didn't see it as a problem. Cameron did the 'work' and kept John out of harm's way. It was evident Cameron tried to 'please' John. He was aware of the 'pressure' it put Cameron under. He wanted to offer a few words in Cameron's defense as well as go over what her original objective actually was.

"We can all see she's trying to be a better wife to you, John." John Henry said. "It's not supposed to be her primary function. She's destroying herself internally trying to be YOUR wife, protect you, and save the future. The entire time she does everything, she sees herself as being in the way of the 'Natural Order', and endangering you by 'being' with you."

John felt a little guilty, but not for being in love. He didn't like to cause Cameron stress, but he did love her deeply. Sure there were times he was upset or angry at Cameron, it still didn't change his underlying feelings. He doubted anything would.

"Everything she does, no matter what she does, only makes me love her more." John said. "I can't help it. I'll never turn away from her, even if she forces others on me. I'll still love her the most."

John wasn't sure if he would ever get the opportunity to actually share with others, as well as Cameron. He believed Cameron would need to be with the female first before he would be able to be with her. It would probably be some type of three-way. He figured Cameron would want to scan him as he serviced her, and the other individual. He didn't know what his readings would be. He didn't even know if it would happen. Something told him it would. He wasn't going to be the one to push it.

John Henry knew he personally, and everyone else, felt the same way. It was just Cameron's presence which made everyone want to assist her. It didn't matter what the 'price' was either.

"John, it's exactly the same way for all of us." John Henry said. "In a second, anyone would follow her to their doom and never think twice."

They both knew members of their group did it multiple times at great peril to themselves, all for Cameron.

John just couldn't understand why Cameron felt so 'bad' about herself. Nobody else thought the same way about her. Everyone worshiped her for all practical purposes.

"Why can't she see how special she is?" John asked. "WHY?"

It was the same question John Henry and everyone else asked themselves. It only strengthened their resolve to help Cameron and follow her even more.

"I don't know." John Henry said. "I don't think she knows herself…."

They both knew the internal demons inside Cameron were many. She was caught up in the events she tried to fix. She did fix a lot of them too on her own. Perhaps it was impossible for her to fix everything, simply because some things were unfixable.

Claire didn't have any desire to be with Paul. She couldn't help but think about the way things were from their wedding night until now. There was no love in the couplings. She basically provided a 'place' for him to deposit his essence, and leave her with the aftermath to deal with. He never even satisfied her once. He really didn't even try. She received nothing beneficial out of their two minute couplings. She did feel obligated to keep him around for their 'family'. She didn't want to be fulfilled by someone else, and he didn't have anyone.

"I want Paul to be happy and love his children." Claire said. "I'm unable to fill his needs."

Hanna was ready to step up and fill the void. She was an infiltrator and was programmed for such eventualities.

"I can 'be with him' for you, in your place." Hanna said. "It's a function I can do."

Fear gripped Claire. She knew what a Terminator was like in bed. Paul would be all over Hanna non stop. Once someone tried Metal nothing else would settle.

"No." Claire said.

Claire was afraid she would lose Hanna.

Hanna would do her 'job'. There were several ways to do it. There were several possibilities which were intriguing to her.

"I can be with both of you together, or separately." Hanna said. "I'll still love you the same."

Claire wasn't so sure about it. It wasn't how love worked.

"Isn't it your programming talking?" Claire asked.

Hanna was offended by what Claire just said. Maybe she wasn't more than a 'thing' to anyone. She knew it was how Cameron felt.

"It is." Hanna said. "It's always my programming talking. I'm a cyborg. I'm a machine."

Claire could see she 'hurt' Hanna. It wasn't her intent. Now she felt bad about herself.

"I'm sorry." Claire said. "I didn't mean it like that."

Cameron threatened all of the female Terminators with termination if they ever 'spoiled' themselves with a male, other than John. They were to remain 'pure' for John. He was to have each of them first. It was because she was unsure of her 'past'. She was sure John wasn't her first. The files to prove it one way or another were erased.

Hanna could see Claire didn't try to be hurtful. She understood it was a sensitive and touchy subject because of the personal nature of it.

"I need to talk with Allison and Vanna first." Hanna said. "I don't want to make a bigger problem. I would like the 'experience' to be with a male. Only Cameron has been with a male."

Claire wondered about it herself. She thought of some of her earlier observations.

"Does Cameron make all the female Terminators seek only other female love?" Claire asked. "I mean only female lovers?"

Hanna knew Cameron put it in their programming.

"Yes." Hanna said. "We are to 'save' ourselves for John."

Claire saw it as a potential problem for Hanna. She didn't want Hanna 'punished' because of her. She believed the decision should belong to Hanna alone. She did understand Cameron's concerns. She just wasn't sure they were justified.

"Will you need to ask Cameron?" Claire asked. "I don't want any problems over it. Paul can continue to 'relieve' himself as he already does every night. It doesn't take him long."

She was sure when he did there were others in his mind. Since he now knew the truth about everything, she wondered how guilty he felt about some of those who were in his mind as he pleasured himself before. Besides Cameron, she was sure one of them was Allison.

Hanna felt like a cog in the wheel. She knew failure wasn't an option for a Terminator. She was the one there, it fell on her to fix it.

"No, she told me to fix ALL the problems here." Hanna said. "If I can't do it, she will send Sheila, and then Ally. If that fails, she will send a clone of herself."

Claire didn't want to lose Hanna because she loved her. She did find the prospect of Sheila very enticing. She loved the way Jesse looked. Sheila was the Terminator version of Jesse. She was always attracted to Asian females. She needed to refocus.

"Why would Cameron do all this?" Claire asked.

Hanna knew why. It was Cameron's love for Allison.

"Allison asked her to." Hanna said. "Allison wants her parents to remain together for Young Allison and Summer."

Claire found it to be very touching and better understood the depth of Cameron's concern and love.

"Cameron would do it all for her?" Claire asked. "She loves Allison that much?"

Hanna understood why and how important everything was to Cameron.

"Claire, Cameron loves ALL of us." Hanna said. "It's why her 'emotional stability' has been compromised. She can't stand the thought of anyone being unhappy, hurt, or killed. She's trying to do all this, and EVERYTHING else by herself."

Claire was touched even more by Cameron.

"It only makes one love Cameron more." Claire said.

Hanna knew how the Metal girls all felt, and the human ones too.

"ALL of us feel the same way." Hanna said. "And we all do love her more."

Claire didn't want to cause Cameron any more grief. She thought maybe she should allow Paul to use her 'body'. It really wouldn't be any different than it was before. It would take the pressure off of Hanna and Cameron. She didn't feel proper to 'force' someone else to do what she didn't want to do. It was something she could put up with for two minutes a few times a week. She also knew she needed to move on.

"You may speak with Vanna and Allison." Claire said. "I want this decision based on what you really want, Hanna. I don't want you to feel this is an 'obligation' to me, or anyone else. I only want to be with you, Hanna. I want you all to myself. I can understand Allison wanting her parents for her younger self. I know it's because of the parents she never was able to have and keep as she grew up. I know what happened to her. I'm releasing my commitment and obligations to Paul. You may do as you desire freely. We are 'divorced'."

Hanna didn't tell Claire she wanted to make Cameron happy, besides her own programming was expanding anyway on its own. She possessed 'Vanna's programming' in her from the 'Neural interface'. She wanted to see for herself if it was always painful and traumatic to be with a male. Vanna's memories were all violent, sickening, and brutal. She knew she could be too if it's how the 'game' was played. Claire with Allison's baby in her would be protected. She hoped Claire hadn't ever been treated like Vanna was. Now she wanted to accompany Cameron when she attacked any more of the sex trade groups. She missed being one of the 'Three Musketeers' at Cameron's side to enact justice for all females.

The thought of the brutal things done to Vanna caused her hand to start to glitch. How could people be so evil and hurtful to others? It was no wonder Sheila became so aggressive. The 'darkness' in Jesse was part of her. Vanna didn't have the same darkness, only the pain and hurt caused by it. Maybe it was time she stepped up and asked Sheila to show her the 'darkness', and the justice that came with it.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

I Don't Know

Each day is a challenge
Filled with confusion
I am not sure what is real
Or what is an illusion

In my hurting mind
Many feelings conflict
I was not your first choice
When you actually picked

I don't know what
Tomorrow will be
I wonder if it will
Still include me

I want you near
I want you here
I want you to hear
I want you so dear

There are many variables
Many directions in which to go
What will our future bring
I can honestly say that I don't know

Nobody

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Cameron Prime Timeline:

Events Continue In Chapter 381

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