Note
This chapter may cause unwanted triggers. I would like to remind you that this is a fictional world and the characters presented should not be taken as examples to follow. You read this at your own risk! This chapter has a theme of sexual violence. However, if you are going to read it, take into account the context of this event.
Chapter IV
Complications
Coming back from school, I walked to do some shopping at a nearby supermarket. Charlie was supposed to pick me up from the store and take me straight to the Blacks to pick up my car. I heard familiar voices in the doorway to the store and ran straight into Jared, Embry, and little Seth. They were happy to see me. They had three carts stuffed with food, so I joked that they seemed to be hungry.
Jared looked at me seriously.
"Bells, on the contrary, we all suddenly lost our appetite. Something terrible has happened…"
"What are you talking about Jared?" I was scared out of my mind.
"Billy invited his friend Rob over for the holidays… along with his daughter."
"Daughter?" I asked.
"Sarah, the biggest devil that walks this part of the continent. You have to get to know her, she makes Leah Miss Teen Charm." Embry joked.
"But she has a nice butt," he eagerly completed Embry's psychological outline.
"You're always talking about one thing," Seth laughed. "Guys, we better come back, we have to rescue Jake!"
Embry politely explained to me."Well, the princess arrived bored, but when Billy introduced her son, the girl brightened up right away."
"Oh, I bet she was…" I thought, and, furious as hell, I went to get the basket.
Ironically, the infamous ass was the first sight I saw in the Black family's backyard as soon as I got out of Charlie's car to get my own.
The dark-skinned girl standing next to my deckchair was leaning over her beach bag, showing off her shapely charms wearing a pink bikini. Well, with summer comes sunbathing... I looked around the area and saw boys sitting on the steps of the house, watching the sunbather with gloomy faces; apart from that, there was no Jake on the horizon, no Leah, and no sight of anyone in good spirits except the newly minted camper.
She turned around as she heard the car door close.
What I saw was a beautiful face with a seductive smile. She had short, wavy hair, unruly disheveled around a small face, black eyes typical for the Native Americans, framed by long eyelashes, sweet lips that could advertise a Lancome lip gloss, and in general, she was a great aesthetic contrast to my modest and, I must admit, currently grumpy person.
She waved hello and ran gracefully over to introduce herself.
"You must be Bella? Nice to meet you, my name is Sarah Lee."
"I'm glad," I lied.
"Jake's taking a bath, he's been so busy today, poor thing. Wait here with us, he'll probably get out of the shower soon. Can I make you something to drink?" She offered with a sweet voice.
"No thank you, don't bother, I have a good idea of what's in their kitchen." I replied, head straight into the front doors.
Her expression softened a little, but my mood improved a bit, especially since, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a group of people listening to our exchange of pleasantries, nodding their heads appreciatively.
"Would you like something to drink?" I asked over my shoulder but she didn't answer.
As I walked into the kitchen, I almost collided with Jacob. He had just poked his head out of the bathroom, looking around conspiratorially, as if he were watching for an enemy. He beamed when he saw me.
"Bells, I'm so glad it's you."
"Is Paris Hilton not enough?" I asked haughtily.
"Oh, please, it's Marilyn Manson dressed as Paris Hilton. Give her a moment, when she gets going, they'll take us all out in straightjackets."
He made me laugh.
"Bells,stop laughing, just think of an escape route. I warn you that the idea must be sophisticated, because Billy has been mad at us since the morning because we don't entertain his guest."
Well, the fact is that with your ability to entertain guests, Billy would make a fortune building a hotel here. hat a pity that she doesn't get to experience this talent." I tried to ease the tension a bit.
"With your sharp tongue, you could become the Volturi's spokesman," he retorted with a sweet smile. "Bells, believe me, she's only been here for a few hours, and not only does she rarely close her mouth, but apparently her mission is to turn the whole rez into the Glamor Capital of the World. Moreover, she is not tactful, she has already insulted Emily with her comments about great addresses for plastic surgeons, she has scared Leah out of the store, and she never leaves my side! She even got me in the garage! It wasn't her chatter that was the worst, I could have endured it." I frowned and he smiled. "But... during my moment of inattention, she arranged the tools by the colors of the handles! Can you believe it?! Now, to find anything, I have to remember what shade the damn handle was!"
He had barely finished his report when Sarah burst into the kitchen, followed by Leah, carrying Billy's groceries.
"Will someone rub my back?" She chirped with a sweet smile, and without waiting for an answer, she handed the sunscreen to Jacob. He looked at me with an "I told you so" look and started lubricating it.
Sarah beamed with happiness.
"You should also be careful with the sun, it damages the skin... It's true that the effects are visible after years, but then the changes are irreversible, right, Leah?"
Jake and I both looked at each other and quickly had to turn our heads to avoid bursting out laughing.
Leah glared at Sarah dispassionately, like she was sizing up a medium-sized eggplant, and said to herself, "Someone should film this thing!"
Then she turned on her heel and left the house.
Sarah, unaware of anything, was delighted.
"Damn, so many people are telling me this, maybe I'll actually apply for a casting?"
We didn't comment because there was no point in commenting…
Sarah sat back in her chair relaxed.
"Don't disturb each other, just behave as if I'm not there."
At these words, Jacob, with an air of desperation, without warning, turned towards me, pulled me passionately to him, threw the bag Leah had left from the table off the table with a cinematic gesture, pressed his whole body against me, and after a second we were lying kissing right in front of Sarah's shocked face. He worked very hard to make the right impression. And everything would have gone perfectly according to plan if Billy and Rob hadn't entered the kitchen at that second. The boy's father already had tangible proof that his son was a stupid asshole from the reservation. As it later turned out, he did not stay angry for long, because Miss Lee left that same evening, having received an apparently urgent invitation from her cousin from Florida.
Well, fuck, who wouldn't rather sunbathe in Florida?
With stupid faces, we picked ourselves up from the kitchen table and followed the scandalized Sarah outside the house. We really wanted to laugh at this whole improvisation, but our bliss was interrupted by a phone call from Charlie.
"Bells, I forgot to tell you this morning that Alice Cullen called yesterday. She asked me to tell you that her family is coming to Forks from Italy, some actual Italian-sounding name. Lompuri or something like that. Anyway, she asked you to watch out for her and that she would try to come over here this weekend to see her relatives."
I don't know why I didn't tell Jacob everything right away. Maybe I'm a complete idiot, but I decided I needed to talk to Alice first. If it arrives on time, of course. Jacob saw that the phone call had changed my mood, but I lied and said that Renee was just sick and we were all worried. I don't know if he believed it, but after a few minutes of negotiations he let me go back home.
I felt like crying.
I don't know why. I guess these few days of normal life really upset me so much. Less than three days turned everything upside down, put me in a different state and I felt almost happy. It's sad to say, but lately my initial state has consisted of alternating anxiety about the lives of others and my own, crossing off the days left on the calendar until my change, and then, my soul-rending bitterness after Edward's betrayal. Because yes, now I can say it out loud: I cheated on him. We could describe it in various ways: as a euphemistic trial of life, a maturing process, a cognitive process, a necessary knowledge of other perspectives, but I was the most normal person in the world and I committed infidelity, and the only argument in my defense was that I gave myself to the person I loved.
I loved Jacob.
At that moment, the wave of truth hit me like a tsunami. I loved him with a difficult love that matured slowly and, probably under the influence of physical closeness, exploded with great force and consumed me. From the very beginning, I clipped this feeling, suppressing it, because it was easier not to love. I preferred to call it friendship, a kinship of souls, I preferred to blame my longing for him on my loneliness, anything to avoid admitting it, even though he probably KNEW a long time ago, jokingly reminding me about it from time to time. And suddenly I overcame my fear of naming things. I wanted to be with him and look into his smiling eyes, joke and argue everyday. I didn't want to stop being one with him even for a moment, and the closest we were when we felt shared pleasure. I needed him greedily. I felt incomplete without him.
This was the thought I didn't allow myself to have. It was an epiphany. It hurt like a punch to the stomach. And Edward? He was the first love, pure, girlish, composed of delicate dreams, unfulfillment, impossible to satisfy (due to his decisions), doomed to difficulties, and therefore so attractive. Edward was a relief for me, his calmness and prudence, his understanding, almost unreal, incompatible with his youthful physicality, gave me CERTAINTY that he loved me, that I was his meaning, that this love gave him a soul again.
And yet the passivity of this wisdom, the calmness with which he allowed me to taste LIFE, allowed Jacob to steal me from him. If it was a test for me, of course I failed it, if for Jacob - he proved his strength. I longed for my lost innocence, because my wings had fallen off and I felt naked and ordinary now. Unfaithful. It was hard to stick to your own beliefs in this world if your heart didn't know what to choose and your mind pushed you towards life.
I loved them both, one like an old man loves his past youth, painfully aware that nothing will be like yesterday, the other like a young man loves the present, wanting to draw from it with both hands, everything to the bottom, even if he had to die of thirst tomorrow. But perhaps most of all I loved Bella, who was never to return. This Bella, who has not yet reached the crossroads, has not yet seen the forked paths before her, has not yet made a choice. She was unaware and therefore innocent. And the strange thing is that just when death was about to invite me to come again, I wanted to live so much.
In front of the house, I practiced all possible variations of a normal face and finally decided to get out of the car. I was afraid that when I saw Charlie I would compulsively throw my arms around his neck and start saying goodbye. However, I had to control myself because, having learned from previous experiences, I had the right to hope that this time none of my loved ones would suffer. I wasn't alone after all.
Luckily, Charlie was engrossed in the match on TV and wasn't going to ask me what was going on. I could calmly hide in my room and analyze the current situation.
The Volturi had already announced that they would return to check whether the Cullens had fulfilled their promise and completed my change, but the fact that they decided to claim me so quickly must have been the result of the breakup with Edward. I didn't doubt their good sources of information. Even if I had any doubts about the transformation, it now became unimportant, because it could somehow save me.
Love Jacob or not, I had to stop existing for him. Either death will consume me, or life will eat me in a changed form, which is its natural enemy. I felt that the whole situation was a vicious circle. Edward, knowing that my feelings are not at all clear, will never condemn me to exist in eternal despair, on the other hand, the Volturi will not let me live. Not only because I know about their existence, but to set an example for others entering into any relationships with people.
In the world of vampires, humans were not partners, only food.
I wanted to talk to Alice or Edward. I wanted to know what our options were, what exactly Alice had seen, and, above all, how much time I had left. Meanwhile, none of them called and I didn't know where they were or what they were doing.
It was already dark when I decided to take a shower, change into a sleep shirt and somehow wait until it got light. I took my time in the bathroom, under the warm water it was easier for me to forget about fear for a moment. I washed my hair, scrubbed my body, took forever to get back to my room, and when I finally got there, Jacob was lying half-naked on my bed, quietly reading the newspaper I had left on the nightstand.
"About time! I didn't know you could take a bath for that long. Or maybe I can imagine a situation in which bathing is so engaging that time passes more slowly."
I couldn't even smile, I sat in the chair opposite him and remained silent.
"Okay, Bells, what's going on?" He asked in a serious tone, trying to read my thoughts from my expression.
I sighed, not knowing where to start.
"Jake, you didn't manage to get me out of the vampire context for long. The Volturi family has taken care of me... I don't have the strength to be afraid anymore."
He didn't look too surprised.
"Bells, we've known for days. You see, with the Cullens gone during those weeks, our wolf transformations became less and less frequent. Remember, I once told you that when there are no vampires, there are no us. This, does not mean that we stop being able to turn into wolves, but if there is no need to do so, it becomes difficult. Without danger, we become like normal people, even our body temperature drops a bit, but now... look…" He came closer to me, I touched his bare chest and noticed that he was hot. "Someone will definitely come back for you, but the welcome party will already be waiting. Stop worrying so much."
"Jake, you sound like you don't know they can't just be wiped out. Their clan is too powerful! Besides, I don't think everyone will want to come here, only one or two will come. Even if we discourage or even kill those who come, someone will come back for me. You know, recently I wanted life to choose for me, and it did! Now it is no longer a dream, but a necessity!"
"Over my dead body!" he shouted angrily.
He stood up suddenly, walked to the window, and said over his shoulder: "Pack up, I'm waiting in the car," and jumped out neatly.
I guess he was right, I was safest in the rez, and theoretically I could also take some time off from school, because I could take sick leave for those two days, and Charlie could collect my diploma for me. But I didn't know how to convince him to do so. It wasn't that difficult because, as it turned out, Billy had already suggested to Charlie that I should stay with them.
He argued this with fresh air, proximity to the sea and daily bonfires, which I liked so much. When I went downstairs to tell my dad that Jacob had called and invited me to a spontaneous party and was waiting outside, Charlie just smiled, patted his head and wished me a good time.
I returned to the room to pack the most important things and then the long-awaited phone rang.
Alice.
"Bella, the idea of staying in La Push is very good".Of course she already knew." The Volturi haven't set out yet, they don't know who to send for you yet."
She fell silent for a moment.
"Bella...Edward is missing, I think he will try to stop them himself."
She hung up on me before I could say anything.
God, where is Edward?
I felt that he knew how much my feelings had changed and that we no longer had a future together. And if he knew it, he probably didn't care whether he lived or not. He once told me that if he lost me, he would do anything to provoke the Volturi. Well, now he had the perfect opportunity to do so. For Edward, it was more important that I lived than who I would spend my life with. This was his maturity and love.
Jacob was waiting for me sitting on the hood of his car. Dressed in denim shorts and a loose shirt, with a small backpack in which I only managed to put underwear and a few changes of clothes.
"Charlie agreed. Alice called, she still doesn't know the details."
Jacob opened the door for me, got behind the wheel himself, and we drove off.
"Bells, you worry too much," he tried to reassure me.
"Jacob, please understand, wherever I am, there is always a risk that someone will lose their life."
"When you fell in love with a vampire, you couldn't immediately predict what the consequences would be, and I know you enough to know that you can love no matter what, right? By the way, where's the lucky guy who started it all?"
"I don't know. Alice has no idea either."
I felt Jacob getting angry. He didn't say it directly, but his anger was palpable. Even the slightest mention of Edward irritated him. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, fearful for both, and with absolutely no one to tell, because now Jacob couldn't be my confidant.
We drove home in silence. It was already quite late, but all the pack members were waiting for us. Looking at their smiling faces, I was struck by the fact that for them this situation was not terrible but... exciting. Quil and Embry almost scrambled to phase immediately and run out to patrol the forest. Only Leah was focused and sad, I don't know, maybe women, even those with wolf genes, see every battle not through the prism of exciting adrenaline, but through the prism of victims.
"Okay," started Sam, who, due to his age, still held the leadership role that Jacob had temporarily relinquished. e will start the guard s before. he forest is to be guarded by three wolves at the same time, we will take turns. o far we haven't noticed anything disturbing, but each of us feels that guests will appear sooner or later. eah, Jared and Jacob will start their watch immediately."
"Get some sleep, you're safe in my bed," Jacob said, looking at me, and I could have sworn that as he said these words, his eyes lit up with joy.
I guess their wolf abilities were actually coming back, because everyone in the room burst out laughing. ell, it wasn't just the potential fight that Jacob was so excited about.
The company dispersed, the patrol set off into the forest, and I went to Jacob's house, which was to be mine for an indefinite period of time, and decided to go to sleep immediately.
But my mind had other plans. I started dreaming.
This dream consisted of very short snapshots, as if three images wanted to overlap. I saw Jacob the wolf biting some dark figure writhing in pain on the grass, Leah who, as in the previous dream, turns into a she-wolf in the air and rushes straight at me, and Edward who smiles at me with love, and then, as if in another scene, falls from the blow of an attacker whom I cannot recognize.
Why these three?
I woke up to my sobs and my own words, "Edward, Edward...", and Jacob's calm voice: "Bella, it's a dream... just a dream."
I opened my eyes and saw his face. He was sitting on the bed, holding my hand, and it looked like he had just come back from patrolling the forest. I snuggled into his arms and burst into tears.
He stroked my hair and tried to calm me down, and as if I couldn't shake the vision, I whispered, "Edward, no... Edward..."
Jacob stopped.
"Bells, what exactly did you dream about?"
I told him the three scenes I saw. A grimace of anger crossed his face.
"Am I to understand that what interested you most in this dream was Edward's fate? Not Leah attacking you, not me, but HIM? Maybe then we will establish a special committee to save vampires, find him and escort him to the altar, and then your poor heart will finally find peace?! Maybe I'm making a mistake, trying to snatch you from death and convince you to live... with me. Maybe it's time to understand where I belong? In bed, yes, as a personal bodyguard, definitely, as a buddy, why not, but as love? Absolutely fucking not!" He smiled bitterly.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"Jacob, you're unfair, how can you expect me to just forget about him and stop worrying about him in the most normal way."
"Yes, I'm such a fool, because after what we've been through together, I thought you would say my name in your sleep at least once. Although it may be better to prepare for war knowing that my beloved woman's heart will not break if I die. Thanks for this crash course in puberty."
"Jake, why are you saying that? Why do you want to hurt me?"
"I've had enough, Bella," he said, no longer angry, but more tired. "I'm starting to understand what this game is all about, and that whether he's with you or not, he'll win anyway. I've had enough of your games."
He got up and left. Judging by the slamming of the door, he entered the bathroom and then the shower. Now I was furious that he didn't understand me, and it hurt me so much that... I felt guilty.
What could I say to make him not see it that way? Because it would be appropriate to tell him that I love him, but in this situation it would sound like nonsense. I got out of bed and decided that even if I had to break down the bathroom door, I would talk to him. However, the door was not locked from the inside.
Stepping into the bathroom uninvited, I was determined to explain to him how I really felt.
"If you came to wash my back, forgive me, but I can handle it perfectly well on my own." .He turned his back to me.
"Jake, talk to me, you didn't let me say anything" I begged.
"You already said everything in your sleep."
"Jake, you know how much you mean to me, understand that Edward…"
"Can you leave me alone I want at least some privacy in my bathroom! Get out!"
"Not until you talk to me."
"Okay, then I'll pretend you're not here."
He now turned to faing me, showing off his chiseled, masculine body, and I must admit that it was damn hard to look him straight in the eyes.
"Jake, don't act like a child."
"You yourself are behaving like a child And I already said get out, I want to wash up." He soaped himself calmly, not even willing to pay attention for a moment to what I wanted to explain to him.
"Jake!"
"I can't hear anything, the water is roaring!"
He annoyed me so much with his ignoring attempts at contact that I made the final decision, I took off the T-shirt I was sleeping in and my shorts, and before he realized what I wanted to do, I opened the shower door and stood in front of him as God had created me.
" Are you still going to pretend you're deaf?"
"Do you know that if you came here yourself, you won't leave so quickly? Sill litte Bella… You're playing with fire…" he said ominously.
There was something alien, ruthless in his eyes, something I was encountering for the first time He ran his eyes over my naked body from head to toe, tilted his head slightly, biting his lower lip, as if he was assessing his abilities, he lifted me effortlessly, forcing me to wrap my thighs around his waist, he leaned me so that my back was touching the tile, he placed his hands under my buttock and rammed into me before I could protest. I groaned and my eyes filled with tears I probably would have started to struggle and scream, but my vision literally went dark and I had to focus on breathing. I unconsciously rested my head on his shoulder and felt myself becoming weak and limp. He was probably well aware of what was happening to me, now carrying my entire weight in his hands.
He was brutal, focused on his own needs, and penetrated my body with a passion I had never experienced before I didn't know Jacob like that and I didn't even think he could be like that. I also never thought that I would be a toy in his hands. I guess he was right, until now there had been tender words and games, and now I, spoiled by him, served to please him.
At the moment of climax, he clung to me even tighter and buried his head in my neck so that I could feel his hot, accelerated breath on my skin. Still inside, he held me in his arms for a while.
Then he gently lowered himself to the ground, turned around, slid open the shower door, shook excess water from his hair, wrapped a towel around his hips and, dripping with water flowing from his body, went to the room, saying on the way. "I need to sleep."
I was still standing naked in the shower, my knees were shaking and I was sore. Jake didn't care whether he gave me pain or pleasure. He gave them both equally. He treated me like a gift, and when I took the shower, I gave myself a gift to him. I didn't regret this decision, because a paradox occurred, I didn't feel exploited, only stunned and in love. The chafing between my thighs hurt, as did my heart. I didn't understand anything.
What happened to my boy? Where did his tenderness and uncertainty disappear? He had been angry before, too, but he would never, ever do anything like this. Suddenly the truth dawned on me: now, in the face of danger, adrenaline with a little bit of blood was coursing through his veins. He behaved this way because he was guided by instinct.
So the Volturi were getting closer.
Why can't anything in my life be normal and predictable? I would never believe in a story like mine if I wasn't its main character. By accepting the truth of legends and fairy tales, I had probably reached my own peak of imagination, but I still had to understand the changes that had irreversibly taken place in my heart. Fate played its part on me. I was alone, I felt abandoned, this time by the one I used to abandon.
The next few days were very similar.
Jacob gave me a wide berth after the whole incident. He did everything to come home when I was already in bed. Sometimes in the morning I pretended to sleep, and then I knew that when he came back from patrol, he would sit in the chair next to me and look at me in silence.
What could these unspoken words tell me? I did not know.
There was tension in the air and everyone, telepathic or not, must have seen that there was now a wall between us. Maybe it was just my oversensitivity, but I could actually feel the gloomy stares of the pack members on my back. I felt stupid staying among them and trying to behave normally. Sometimes I wished they could read my thoughts. Maybe if Jake knew what I felt without my involvement or even my will, he would believe it was true.
But was it too late for that?
On the fourth day, I gathered my courage and as soon as he woke up, I asked him to come home with me to pick up a batch of clean clothes. He agreed.
We were silent as if spellbound since we got into the car together. Halfway there, I decided to make another attempt at breaking the ice.
"Jake… Please…" I started.
"What can I do for you, Bella?"
"Jake, for God's sake, what's wrong with you?"
"Nothing.I haven't noticed any changes, but if you feel uncomfortable around me, I'll ask Emily and Sam if you can stay with them." He talked to me like an English aristocrat having an audience with the Queen.
"Jake," I felt like crying, "I have to tell you something…"
"Bella, regarding the incident in the shower, I am very sorry and I apologize a hundred times. I hope I didn't hurt you. I don't know what came over me, I guess I've been ruled by adrenaline lately. It will not happen again."
"That's not what I wanted to talk about..."
"Bells, let's clarify some things. I will protect you as long as I live, but I won't let you lie to me anymore, so whatever you have to say to me, think twice about it."
He caught me off guard again and THOSE words didn't come out of my throat. Jake looked at me sadly and whispered, "I thought so."
I could only regret being such a coward.
We were leaving the boundaries of the reservation when Jacob hissed in an angry voice.
"Great, Cullen is here."
Edward's car was parked by the road.