Tis Frrrrriday! And you know what that means... Another update! And a resolution to that tantalising cliff-hanger. Lol, sorry about that, I can't help myself. Hopefully the slightly longer Chapter makes up for it?

Warning: Here be where the explicitness lies...

ROBYN POV

Why the hell had I said it like that?

One second we were kissing, and I was saying his name in a way to make him melt – which it had much to my own triumph – but then that edge slipped into place. That strange weight. Sure, it was fairly clear now that this had been why I cared about his opinion so much. My seemingly raging want to climb on top of him and ride him until fucking morning, if the hum filling my entire body was anything to go by. I'd always found him handsome, sure. But when trying out the kiss, my body just threw itself over the edge. More. Now. Please. Maybe I was just starved of physical affection, or maybe I had somehow gotten even worse at understanding my own wants and needs recently. But that was just it. A need? When had it become that? That made this dangerous. More than dangerous.

He frowned. My desperate sounding voice lingered between us. My mind whirred a million times faster than any damn gear manoeuvre, and I realised why that danger felt so potent. Because potentially, if this connection had been going on for him as long as it sounded like it had, the danger had already raised its ugly head. The mission. When he chased after that damn Titan so hard, and got himself grabbed after saving me. Had he done that because of this ongoing 'ridiculousness' of his?

He pursed his lips. "I–"

"Did you go after that Titan because of this?"

If the unsaid was what led to that dumb-ass decision, that could have easily gotten him killed, then I wouldn't let the question be silent. I had to ask. Because I had to know. As much as the idea of having someone to rely on in terms of stress-relief, of having someone to come to and be thoroughly distracted by, was appealing, I couldn't let that get in the way of survival. Especially his. Sure, we all had our roles to play, but he was literally Humanity's Strongest. The whole regiment looked up to him and his strength. That couldn't be put at risk. Not by me.

By the time the question had sunk in, I didn't need his answer. It was being yelled pretty loudly from the slight rise in his brows, the ever so subtle reservation in his eyes. He struggled to admit it out loud, but yes that had been exactly why. Already, he'd endangered himself because of some attachment to me. Shit.

I let go of him, his cravat slipping from my fingers, puddling onto the floorboards. He stepped closer, but I stepped back. He stopped. I kept going till I was against the wall, where I slid down and rested my arms against my knees once I was seated. Then I breathed. The thrill, the want, the ecstatic thrum of hormones and attraction, still fizzed in my veins. Grasping his soft hair, those strong hands running all over me, the solid nature of his chest and stomach as I explored his body, the small sounds of pleasure shared between our caressing lips. Amazing. Addictive. Barely begun. But I had to deny it. No way could I allow myself to be this selfish. Nor him.

After a few moments I looked back to him, expecting to find a resigned agreement. It was obvious that this couldn't happen. But no. Nothing of the sort. Instead, I found him glaring to the side, deep in thought, like he was clasping at straws. He agreed to Fuck Buddy, but if he was already endeangering his own life for my sorry ass, it had gone too far.

I licked my lips. "We can't. It's just going to complicate things, like you'd already figured out."

"Right." He nodded, still frowning to the side though. "Except I'm having a hard time still caring."

"What?" I glared. "If you were already willing to endanger yourself over the idea of being with me, am I fuck letting this go any further. This is beyond dangerous. We can't risk–"

"We risk everything, every time we go beyond those gates." He snapped, the anger not aimed at me clearly, it was aimed at the world. His eyes, usually so careful and contained, blazed as he stalked over and knelt in front of me. "Every mission we risk it all. Fucking someone, caring about someone, whatever, doing that or not doesn't change that risk."

"Just makes it more potent if you're willing to actively endanger yourself for that connection." I raised a brow. He couldn't deny it now. The hesitation had spoken volumes. His lips closed. "I am not going to be responsible for Humanity's Strongest being killed."

"You wouldn't be." He shook his head. "Out there, the only ones we can really blame are the Titans. Without them we wouldn't be out there in the first fucking place. Sure, we can have crappy launches, or people going beyond orders, but when it comes down to it, the blame is on those mindless bastards."

"Gonna be hard to think that, if I wake in a waggon to find out you made another dumbass move to–"

"Thought I said my well-being wasn't your concer–"

"Fuck that hypcrosiy right back where it came from." I snarled. "If your well-being isn't my concern, then why the hell would mine be yours? And yet you went running after a Titan for me."

Again, his lips closed.

I swallowed hard and drew a long breath. "Look… I'm flattered, I'm obviously on board with the attraction side of things, but I cannot be the reason Humanity loses you. I'm sorry, but no."

He stared with that stoic expression, unreadable as ever once again. He claimed that mask didn't work with me, but I wasn't all that convinced. Like trying to read a statue. A statue that could kiss the breath out of my soul and make me ache in the deepest sense, but a statue nonetheless.

"I appreciate the honesty." He sighed, putting his head against my knee for a moment. "But if I may clarify something?"

"Mhm." I kept my lips shut, trying to push up some walls, some kind of defence against the temptation to just stop thinking. To sink into that simmering want and let myself just be a damned human for a night again, be wanted for my beauty or whatever, instead of my skill with a blade, or availability for experimentation. To be Robyn, instead of Sanshi or little rat.

Levi–No. Captain Levi, nodded. "Yes, I may have put in extra effort to get you out of that Titan's mouth due to this connection, but I really would have tried to get any one of my squad members free had I believed there was a chance. If there's a slight bit of hope, I take it. I've left enough good people out there already. I don't intend to do it again without a damn good reason."

There was no lie in his eyes. I heard no falseness in his voice. It could have been a good ruse, or a damn good mask, but something told me otherwise. Him having been so clear about this needing to be something I wanted as well, tended to indicate he had no intention of lying to me. Hopefully that also extended to him not lying to himself. Or maybe that was just me being naive.

I bit my lip. "But what is it you're even wanting out of this?"

He looked confused.

I leaned forward. "What do you want, Captain?"

His eyes tightened and he looked down for a second, the seconds ticking by as I heard a group, probably a squad, go past the door, laughing loudly and chattering. By the time they were gone, his eyes were fixed back on mine, and I tried harder to get those walls into place.

"I…" He frowned and a flicker of something like pain came and went across his face. "I want to feel. Something… Something other than physical pain, or duty. And…"

"And?"

He swallowed hard. "And to stop being so fucking afraid."

It was a good thing I was already sitting down. The words would have floored me otherwise. Captain Levi was afraid? With all his skill, his prowess and proven track record, he was still just as scared as the rest of us?

I put my head back against the wall. "What're you afraid of?"

He looked uncertain, like he didn't trust himself, or maybe me. But it passed and he sighed, shrugging and putting his head against my knee again. I resisted the urge to run my fingers through his black hair, to feel the prickle of his undercut.

"Regrets."

Oh. Suddenly his anger over me suggesting he regretted saving me on that mission made a lot more sense. If regret was such a big deal to him, I must have really struck a nerve.

He kept going. "But at this point… It feels foolish to be so guarded against them. We can't tell the future, we don't even know if it's going to rain tomorrow, let alone who's going to die or be maimed. But that's just it…" He bared his teeth for a second as he raised his head again. "No one knew the damn wall was going to fall that day, yet the bastards in the interior, every single civilian in fact, freely feels every damn thing. They flirt, love, fuck and cheat so freely. So why can't we allow ourselves to even be human for a single night? Or a string of them? Or whatever it is this might actually turn out to be."

Shit. He was starting to make sense.

I pressed my head harder against the wall, brewing an ache at the back of my skull. "B-Because we have to think about the bigger picture, right? The cause. The retaking of Maria and–"

"But it's not enough." He snapped, running a hand through his hair again and tugging.

"Then we do it for our goals." I swallowed again, voice wavering under that gaze, not because he frightened me, no. I didn't feel any kind of danger from him, aside from the worry of temptation tipping the scale in his favour. No, I wavered because of the heat in his eyes, the returned bubbling of want. Perhaps even need. Usually so hard to read, but at that moment I saw a storm.

He lowered his hand, hair falling in front of his eyes. "Well, I know mine. What's yours?"

"You first." I whispered, brows raising in the middle.

He nodded. "All right. You want some honesty, is that it?"

I gripped my knees. "You like to be able to read people, as do I."

"Fair enough." He blinked and drew a long breath. "I have to make it worthwhile that I lived whilst my comrades have died. So along with that, to live without regrets."

Shit.

Sh-Shit.

He tilted his head. "You? Did you figure it out?"

"S-Same." I gritted between my teeth, heart hammering against my ribs. "To make it worthwhile that I'm still here, while my mother and brother died."

He nodded. "Safe to say, I understand that." He pursed his lips and considered me for a moment. "So, would they be happy with you just living for the sake of serving?"

No. No they wouldn't.

I looked down at my knees. "What if all this leads to is a big bunch of regrets for you?"

"Not likely."

"You can't predict the damn future, you said so yourself."

"No, but…" He clicked his tongue. "Nevermind."

"No, what were you going to s–"

"Look, I'm not manipulating you into this. So… So fine, no is no." He breathed through his nose. "I shouldn't have pushed this hard anyway. Sorry. I–"

"But what?" I asked, wishing I'd managed to avoid sounding so totally enthralled.

He considered me carefully. "But things have changed."

"W-Why?" I leaned forward. "Because of a kiss?"

"Because it changed from theory to reality." He frowned for a moment. "Less guess work."

"Why would that change anything?"

"Like I said, I'm not manipulating you into–"

"You're not. I'm fucking asking." I demanded, heart speeding up as my temper flared. "I'm not asking to please you because you're a superior, or to soothe your ego, or any of that shit. I'm asking for me. So what changed, specifically?"

"Fine." He got up and brushed himself down. "It changed because now I know I'd live to regret not indulging in this, not trying to let myself just enjoy something for the first time in…" He shook his head. "Anyway, good luck with your goal. Just… Just don't get too hell-bent on justifying staying alive."

I got up slowly, pushing myself up the wall. "You don't think it's enough?"

"I do." He shrugged. "I just know it becomes harder to do as you continue to get the kills, come back from missions, and still feel like you're getting nowhere. The need to justify continues to linger, continues to nag, continues to chip away at every damn victory." He sounded so tired. "You're the type to be passionate, that much is obvious. I'd just hate to see that burn out."

Why can't we allow ourselves to even be human...

That was what he had said.

And Mum… She said…

Robyn, my little bird, I just want you to be happy. I'm sorry I haven't given you that, but you have to find it, all right? Find those things that make that beautiful smile fall into place. Find them sweetheart. And not for me. For you.

That was what she had said.

I trembled. The walls shuddered and began to fall. Shit. It was a bad idea, wasn't it? Terrible. Awful. Foolishly selfish and damned reprehensible. Right?

And yet, when I looked to the future, what did I see? Duty? Serving others, and putting myself second. Right. That was what I had signed up for doing, and on the field, yes, that would be all I gave my heart to. I looked down and stared at my boots. But we weren't on the field right now, we were just two people standing in a small room, lips still bruised. Was that wrong? No… No, I didn't think it was. Not deep down. Not when I was honest with myself. Maybe that made me a selfish bitch. Maybe it didn't.

He picked up the discarded cravat. "I'll not bring this up again, don't worry. And this doesn't impact our professional standing either, other than me being less of an ass, that is." He picked dust from the white fabric and laid it on the chest at the end of his bed.

He meant it too. I could walk out that door, let this settle with the dust, and try to forget. But then I'd also always wonder 'what if'. And that sounded horrible. About as horrible as a small, cold, empty bunk bed.

I stepped forward. "You sound pretty burnt out yourself."

He looked up from the draped fabric, a confused frown in place.

Another step.

His eyes raked over me and then burned into mine, his stance straightening, hands clenching by his sides as he presumably tried to hold onto his own control. He wouldn't do anything without my say so. Not a single move. That was crystal clear. Power tingled at the base of my spine, as well as warmth. Someone who wanted me, but didn't think they owned me.

Know your worth.

I'd argue he'd put too much worth against my name, but that was an argument for another time. My steps stopped just shy of bumping into him. Still, he hadn't moved a muscle beyond the tightening of his lips and the wavering of his gaze. I reached, laying a hand to his chest.

Thud-thud-thud-thud-thud.

Like a horse's hooves racing for a finish line, a gate's safety, or a whistled call. My own heart thundered in my ears, along with every doubt and second guess. My other hand landed against his cheek, gently cupping his jaw as I went up on my toes slightly.

He shuddered. "What changed your mind?"

"You were right." I breathed, his breath brushing against my lips. "It's not enough to be a soldier. We're also human. Messy, moronic humans."

His hands slipped back onto my hips, barely gripping, but giving a tell-tale shake. "So… Yes?"

"Yes." My fingers slipped into his hair and pulled him down that last tiny gap of space between us.

Yes.

It was like the safety had been taken off both of our minds. Yes. Hands clasped, teeth clashed, lips collided and tongues danced. More. Buttons undid. Coats slapped against the floorboards. Shirts fluttered down and belt buckles bounced against the wood. I sucked on his tongue. He groaned into my mouth, unbuttoning my trousers as I reached and palmed him through his. Another moan escaped us both. It would be one hell of a night. I walked us back to the bed, and as I lay down and shimmied from my trousers he discarded his and crawled on top of me. Both bare. Both wanting. My skin tingled as it met his, chest to chest, legs wrapping around each other, hands skimming dips and curves and hardened muscle. More.

I licked up his throat and dug my teeth into his pulse-point. His voice guttered into a choked growl before he dipped and took one of my nipples into his mouth. He sucked hard. He bit. I arched into it and tugged on his hair, but pulled him close as well. I wanted to yell out, to let my voice loose, but it wasn't much of a barrier between us and the rest of the world. So choked moans it was.

"F-Fuck!" I whined, dragging his lips back to mine, sliding my hand along his front, tracing those ridiculous abs, and the V line leading down his hips. He growled again, palming my tits, nipping them and consuming my noises with deep kisses. He tasted like tea. I gripped his length and squeezed, stroking slowly despite the frenzied movements everywhere else.

He stilled, and moaned against my tongue, breaking the kiss to put his forehead to mine. One arm braced him up slightly, his hips rolling into my touch as his hand skimmed down my sides and along my thigh.

"G-Guess that answers if you're a virgin or not. Fuck!" He hissed and bit down on my shoulder as I stroked harder. "Dammit, Sanshi you–"

"Robyn." I panted as his hand caressed up my thigh, slipping to the inside where my skin tingled. He inched upwards. "Call me Robyn, Levi."

He kissed me again. Bliss. Finally his touch stroked against me properly, fingers curling into me whilst his thumb immediately worked the knot of nerves. Perfect. I practically mewled. Slowly he pulsed the touch in and out of me, two fingers caressing my walls whilst that thumb pulled my nerves apart. My legs spread wider and I used my free hand to encourage him deeper, pushing on his wrist eagerly.

He hummed against my lips. "Robyn."

"Nngh… Yes, Levi?"

He shuddered. "Dammit, say it again."

"Levi." I moaned hushedly against his collarbone, rolling my hips as my nerves tightened, preparing to snap into bliss. He had worked me to that moment so fast. My grip on his length sped up, and his touch deepened. "L-Levi!"

"Fuck, you're beautiful." He whispered, capturing my lips again, pressing harder and tipping me over that edge. Perfection. My eyes rolled back and my hand abandoned his wrist to tangle in his hair.

My head fell back against the pillow, biting my lip, my whole body humming with that release. "Fuck me, Levi. Fuck me." I demanded, letting go of him after a final squeeze of encouragement.

He kissed me again, hands running up my thighs before he broke away and looked down, biting his lip as he held onto my hip and guided himself inside. Oh god. I bit the pillow, whole body slowly undulating at the sensation of being filled. Yes. More. Now. I groaned as he pulsed back out before pushing in again. One hand on my hip, the other hooking me knee up so it would rest on his waist once he was fully inside. Closer. Closer. He moved, resting his body against mine. Our breaths combined in a fresh kiss. Slower. Sensual. His hips rocked slightly, and my voice whined against his tongue. I raked my nails along his back, my hips rolling in time with his, and his grip on my hip became tight enough to bruise.

"Beautiful…" He gasped, slowly pulling out, before pressing back in, each word hushed and followed by a kiss to my lips, my throat, my chest, everywhere. "Ridiculous... Amazing… Damned… Astonishing… Brat…"

I arched as he sunk into me again. "F-Faster."

"I don't want to hurt you." He groaned against the underside of my jaw.

"Like you said…" I choked, pushing back against the headboard. "I'm not a damn virgin, so s-stop treating me like I'm m-made of glass." I whined as he withdrew again, still so slow. It felt amazing, but my nerves wanted the speed, the force. My whole body demanded to be fucked. "Please."

"Demanding, huh?" He half-laughed, licking at my throat, snapping his hips against me. Yes. He did it again. Deeper. Harder. He sped up every time. I tugged on his hair and moaned into fresh euphoric laughter. "Mm? Is that it? Is that what you wanted, Robyn?"

"Fuck, yes." I growled, tightening my walls and making his movements scatter for a moment. He bit his lip and hung his head. I grinned. "What's wrong, Levi?"

"Keep that up and I'll–nngh!"

I did it again, swinging my weight so we tumbled to the other side of the double bed, my hips settling flush against him as I landed on top, spearing him so much deeper inside of me as I straddled him. My hands rested on his chest, breath panting out of me as I adjusted to the new angle. Levi gripped my thighs tight, knuckles white as he bit his lip to withhold. Would he have yelled my name? Moaned loudly? Cried out in ecstacy? Guess I'd have to find out next time. Humanity's Strongest lay beneath me, slick with a sheen of sweat, his chest rising and falling under my braced hands, eyes staring up at me in total adoration. Not a bad feeling, by all accounts.

And then I started to move.

"Oh... Shit!" My voice whined into a prial moan as I rolled my hips and started to raise and lower. My nails dug into his chest as I worked myself up and down his length, seeking that delicious friction. "So good."

"Yes… Yes, you are." He growled, thrusting up to meet me, making us both choke a bit. "Fuck, Robyn. Look at you." He sat up, cupping my jaw and kissing me deeply. Then his kisses travelled down my throat, before he latched onto my chest again, arms winding round me to help with the rise and fall.

I used his shoulders to steady myself, but the tightening of my nerves made it hard to think of anything but the pulse of his dick inside of me and his mouth on my skin.

"Fuck… So close…" I whimpered against his hair, nails digging into his shoulders.

We sped up.

He moaned against my skin and turned us again, pushing one of my legs over his shoulder and my other knee tight to my chest. He kissed me and moved in long, deep, languid thrusts. The change in pace caught me off-guard, but the way he hit every nerve ending possible had me melting. So much power behind every strike, his whole body moving into me. His hand, not pinning my knee to my chest, moved between my legs, stroking my nerves.

"Levi… Oh gods…"

"Robyn… Robyn…" He panted against my lips.

When I finally managed to open my eyes, I found him looking directly at me. Studying me so close, like I was a fine painting. I blushed. I grinned, and kissed him chastely.

He grit his teeth and put his forehead to mine, half laughing. "Fuck, you're p-perfect."

I tightened my walls again. "Says you."

He shuddered, eyes fluttering closed as his mouth hung open with a breathless groan. I had to keep that trick in mind, it drove him wild. He looked good like that, so free, drowning in just feeling. He kissed me and with a hard press to my nerves, sent me toppling into that beautiful abyss with him. Perfect. Fucking perfect. My nerves sang, my nails dug into his arms, my lips sought his as his name tumbled from my tongue. We fell together.

For a few moments we just moved in unison. Hips slowly pulsing in perfect synchronisation, lips meeting, caressing, whispering, tongues dancing lazily, fingers tracing, kneading, stroking. I'd not felt so content in a very long time.

We burned well.

After a few moments, a stillness settled on us gently and he kissed me tenderly before moving to the side, easing my legs back into the plush mattress. He lay beside me.

A quiet came into the room.

He stroked my thigh. "I'm such an idiot."

"Why?" I mumbled, very aware that I hadn't argued.

He frowned, fingers lingering at my hip bone. "I got carried away, I–"

"I'm not made of glass." I laughed and rolled to kiss him, but he held me at bay with a thumb running along my bottom lip. "Levi?"

"I got carried away in the moment, and forgot to pull ou–"

I kissed his lips and then his throat. "Don't worry."

"How?" He sighed, threading fingers into my hair as I lingered under his jaw.

I knew nothing would take, despite him having cum inside me, but I wasn't quite ready to share those details of my past with him. It was impossible for me to be a mother. I'd made my peace with it, I didn't want kids. But the reason why… Well that was my story.

I lay back. "Just… Trust me?"

He leaned in close. "All right… But promise me one thing?"

"Mm?"

"Don't… Hurt yourself." His eyes tightened in a knowing way. Whether this was down to personal prior experience or what, his genuine concern lit a warmth in my chest. He cared so much. Maybe too much.

I nodded and curled closer to him again. "I promise, Levi."

For some reason, he took that at face value and nodded. It showed a lot of trust in me, and I was grateful to not be questioned further. I would tell him eventually, but we'd already turned the world upside down that night, I saw no reason to also start parading my ghosts.

And there we have it! Thanks for reading, faving, following and reviewing when you can folks ^-^ see you next week!