Hello! Sorry about last week, I was travelling again. Here we are! Next installment

"He needs a goal!" Hanji announced with her arms wide. Naturally, we stared at her, perplexed. What the hell was she talking about?

Then she revealed the spoon.

Oh. Eren had been reaching for it and his partial Titan form had been manifested due to that. No wonder he had been confused at the time, but his body must have been so pent up with his anxiety and frustration due to the thus far failed experiments that it escaped whenever possible. Poor guy. He had been as blindsided as the rest of us.

As this information sank in around the table, something rippled through the entire squad. They nodded at each other. And then they all bit into their hands. Ah right, I get it. I grinned and did the same. Eren was aghast, shaking his head and looking like he feared we'd all lost our minds. But I knew what they were doing. Words only went so far. They wanted to show Eren their apology, their belief, and their understanding. I was just ensuring they knew I was entirely behind them.

"Shit that hurts…"

They all grumbled about the pain, the marks on their hands likely to scar. But it had done the trick. Despite his confusion, Eren looked relieved and then elated afterwards. He had a real team. A family. Sure, they didn't call you a real Scout until you'd come back alive, but I figured he felt like he had at least started to belong.

And then Hanji continued with her explanations. She had done some serious work between the weird afternoon and this evening. Her mind was exceptional. The excitement was palpable, but as she continued to tell us her ideas, a pain began to brew in the back of my mind.

I shook my head and drank some more tea.

Maybe I hadn't drank enough water that day.

But as they all got to talking of theories and roots to Eren's power, my head throbbed. A persistent buzz formed at the back of my skull, my hand shook as I put it to my aching head. So much information and possibilities. It was just a lot to take in. Yeah, that was all. Clearly I'm just tired. I got up and headed outside, tea clasped in my hand, blanket round my shoulders. I just needed some air. And quiet. I sat on the stoop outside and breathed the chilled night air. Better. Kind of. The horses huffed in the stables round the corner, and a brook was nearby to run softly amongst rustling trees. Soft. Serene. And yet that buzzing remained in my mind, wondering what it all added up to. Humans turning into Titans. How many more were there? Where had this come from? How had we never known before?

A sharp pain lanced through my head. Shit! From between my eyes to the back of my neck. Like someone had just thrust a 3DM blade into me. I gasped. My tea fell, sloshing over the steps, cup likely dented. I clasped my head. It got worse. I bit on my tongue, refusing to cry out. Dammit, where had this come from? My heart hammered against my ribs. Breaths panted out of me. Ow. God dammit, ow. I should go lie down, hope that this passes by morning. Except I couldn't move at all, as soon as I tried to open my eyes, the pain only got worse. Somehow. I put my head between my knees and rocked back and forth, counting my breaths instead of the pulses of pain.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

"This is my life's work dammit, you fucking thug."

W-What?

I groaned, the sound of Vincent's voice scraping down the sides of my mind.

It continued.

"Who do you think you are? Talking to someone of my station like that. Get out. I'm doing my best. The royals will have to endure that as it's all they've bloody got!"

Pain ricocheted around my body. It lingered where old leather straps used to keep me bound to a small table in a basement. Dammit. Why now?

And then came another voice. The one I struggled to recognise before in the waggon.

"Yeah? Well they ain't happy. And that's when they send me, y'hear? All you seem to be doin' doc is mangling your kid. That's no mind to me, but we still gotta have actual results, eh?"

"She can no longer have children, that's progress in itself! It'll work. Once I deduce the final symbols, we can apply that throughout. The ultimate goal being–"

"I don't need to know about her fuckin' plumbing doc! That's beyond my pay-grade. All I need to know is if you're able to actually crack this damn code and make it available to all of us."

"I'm investigating what the royals told me to investigate. What the hell are you in this for anyway? Available to all? Who're you kidding?"

"Don't test me doc!"

"Kenny, get the hell out of my house."

"Gah!" I stumbled away from the steps, panting, gagging as my stomach churned.

The marks on my back ached, and my belly burned. What the hell? Nausea peaked. Like a sharp needle had just pricked my mind. I lurched to the side to vomit, those voices still rumbling around my head but just saying the same shit. Stop it. Dammit stop. Shut up!

"Fucking…" I growled, putting my hands over my ears like it would do any good, but really it just made them louder.

"Kiddo?"

As soon as the hand landed on my shoulder, I lunged back with a yelp, panting, hands up in a defensive position. Hanji lowered her hand. She looked between me and the newly spilled vomit on the ground. My hands lowered. I shivered. Shit, what the hell has gotten into me?

She pushed her glasses up her nose. "Wondered where you'd gone off to"

"I uh… I…"

"Figured you might've gone to bed. You… You doing okay?"

"Yeah." I swallowed past the bitter taste of bile. "H-Headache."

"One hell of a headache." She smiled softly and offered her hand, which I gladly took, feeling unsteady on my watery legs. She helped me back inside and took me up to my room, avoiding the rumbling voices of the team. "So what's going on, kiddo?"

She waited until we were inside, with the door closed to ask any questions. I must have looked bad.

"I dunno…" My voice came out thickened, my eyes warm.

I felt panicky. Like I had actually been in a room with Vincent, and whoever the hell this Kenny figure was. My wrists ached like I had been bound to the damn table again as well. My mind was never particularly kind, but this felt absurdly cruel. Hanji sat me down on my bed and perched next to me. Her hand ran up and down my back, soothingly. Just like my mother used to do.

I sighed. "It was like a memory or something."

"Or something?"

"I… I don't really know." I sniffed and shook my still aching head. "Vincent was arguing with someone called Kenny, something about the royals and his work. I think I was on the table in the basement at the time." I kneaded my wrists, expecting to find the usual pink welts after the binds had been fastened too tight. But no. Nothing but my own skin.

"What were they arguing about?"

"Vincent was defending himself, I think. Someone… S-Someone wasn't pleased with how his work was going, sounded like they were impatient for results." My belly ached again and I put a hand there, frowning. "They… I think… Bloody hell I'm gonna sound insane, why would anyone even be asking about it? They… They were talking about Vincent sterilising me."

"He what?" Hanji baulked, and I winced as I realised I should have definitely softened that blow for her. She looked to where my hand was resting. "Robyn I… What… What the hell do you mean? Your father sterilised you?"

"Yeah." I pulled my blanket tighter. "I never wanted kids anyway, but it was part of his work supposedly. Don't ask me how, he never told me. That's uh… Yeah, not important. But I think that was part of the argument. And something about unlocking a code. I… Fuck I don't know. This is all nonsense isn't it?"

She stared off to the side, jaw clenched tight, her hold on me getting more rigid by the moment. Rage. I knew it well enough, even if I didn't feel it towards the situation myself. Instead, it was a kind of numbness. An acceptance via the apathy required to survive. Maybe I should have been angrier. Then again, a lot of things 'should' be that weren't.

"No," she sighed, putting an arm around me. "It's not nonsense. I… I'm sorry that was done to you, whether you wanted brats or not." She kissed my cheek. "Regardless, there's no way that was your decision, and so it is despicable."

I smiled and leaned into her hold. My mother had screamed so loudly, having come downstairs when Vincent took longer than usual to drag me back up there. The memory itself was fuzzy. Hidden in the noise of her grief, the pain in my gut and the smell of bloodied rags. Maybe I nearly died. It was unclear. But as Hanji hugged me I felt so safe, and the pain in my head ebbed.

She cleared her throat. "Does Levi know?"

"Not yet."

"So you intend to tell him? Good. I don't think you have to share it or anything but… Well you two seem to be getting a bit more serious, so I figure–"

"Serious?" I sat back, her big eyes blinking at me innocently. "How'd you figure that?"

"Well I uh…"

"I intend to tell him, if only to put his mind at ease about any mini-scouts occurring due to us fucking. Beyond that, we're just fuck buddies."

She quirked a brow. "Who cooked that one up?"

I blushed. "I did. And I didn't cook anything. I asked right at the start what it was that he wanted, a relationship or fuck buddies and–"

"And he chose the latter?" She took off her glasses. "I wonder who he was lying to more… You or himself."

I rolled my eyes and lay back on the bed. Her and Mike were as bad as each other. "Okay the sensible part of the conversation has ended."

"Robyn, seriously I–"

"Hanji, go study Titans, leave us humans out of it."

"Mm," she chuckled. "I would if you'd stop being so darn interesting."

I smirked up at her and then my belly ached again. I frowned and sat up. "Don't uh… This is between us, okay? It's not a big secret or anything, I don't really care who knows I just… I don't want more and more of my past getting into the present, y'know?"

"Sure thing, love. I won't say a word. But keep an eye on those memories, all right? Hearing your father speak again like that… I can understand the visceral reaction of vomiting, but it's not exactly a normal response to a recollection."

"I'll let you know."

"Please do." She squeezed my leg and headed for the door. "Please."

Experiments continued and general training for Eren joining us on the field. He did well, adapted to our way of doing things, and of course toed every line our Captain set out. Eren was a good soldier. Likely a far better one than I had ever been. And I made sure he knew that. The others were far less wary of him now. Hanji remained in her office for a while, still studying away, mind agog at the fact we had witnessed a partial transformation.

And I don't think that had really sunk in for me yet, not properly. We had seen Eren partially shift. Of course we had already seen the benefits of his power, the amazing feat of sealing the wall at Trost. But it was very different to see the act itself. Or part of it. It was an incredible power. I just hoped it didn't take too much of a strain on Eren's body. Regardless, it was impressive. I suppose it was kind of like hearing about the Captain Levi for so long and then actually seeing him in action. A smirk pulled at my lips. I think my own reaction was 'fucking hells, well at least he lives up to the hype.' and something about his ass looking quite good in the uniform, but that was more internally noted than outwardly.

Gradually the other Scouts were coming and stay at this new base; the Commander and Mike would arrive by lunchtime, others trickling in after that with various wagons and supplies. The next mission wasn't far behind. And then we would determine if Eren could stay with the Scouts or if he would be passed back to the MPs. Though I had a sneaking suspicion the Commander had no intention of handing Eren back, regardless of how this next mission went. It was only a guess though, it wasn't like the Commander was confiding in me or anything. And Levi didn't say a word, even if he did know. Not that I would ask or–

"Oi!" My Captain barked from across the compound. I jolted out of my train of thought. I blinked and he strode towards me. "If you've got time to space out, you've got time to help sort the stables for the rest of the regiment arriving."

"Sorry!" I jumped into action, pulling my hair back, shaking my head free of spiralling thoughts. We cleared the stalls, shuffled our own horses to the far end of the stables, and refreshed the water and feed.

I had the whole stable sorted by the time new horses entered the compound, bringing the Commander, Mike and a bunch more supplies and cadets into the big old castle. Me and the Squad got to work. With the Commander here, things would quickly feel a lot more normal, a lot more regimental.

The sun began to sink below the horizon, burning the sky to bright oranges and reds. We had most things set up, quarters were ready for the rest of the cadets and kitchens rumbled on for their first night in their new home. A signal fired. A new batch were headed past the mile marker. It would be the new recruits, probably the ones from Eren's own class.

Right on cue Eren returned from patrol, about to take his horse back into the stables when I requested Oluo do it instead. He wasn't impressed, but I certainly didn't care.

I slung my arm round Eren's shoulders. "Your class is on their way in, I figured you'd like to see them."

His excitement was clear, eyes now fixed on the front gate. It had only been a short while, a week or so at most, but no doubt he would be glad to see them again. A lot had happened. He hadn't seen any of them since Trost.

I squeezed his shoulder. "Keep in mind they've been through some stuff as well. Trost was… Well it was a fucking mess."

"Y-Yeah you're right." He swallowed, looking down for a moment. "I'm not even sure how many of them will have actually signed up."

"From the sounds of it, quite a few." I murmured as the sounds of chattering and horses came closer. The gates opened and in they came, and I was as shocked as Eren to a darn big chunk of the 104th standing before us.

Jean was possibly the most surprising. He strode up to Eren first, the others only a few paces behind. Something about his eyes had changed since the training camp, something had turned his world. The fight, loss, something.

They will have all been part of the clean up effort in the city no doubt; burning bodies, gathering corpses, popping those vile sacks of gore left behind by the beasts that didn't even need to eat us. These kids had been thrown from the frying pan, into the damned oven.

Eren looked at them all with elation. "You guys all signed up… Wow… I-It's great to see you all. But what about Marco and Annie an–"

"Marco is dead." Jean interrupted, voice calm but weary.

"N-No." Eren shook his head, leaning away slightly. "This is a joke right? He–"

"No one even saw how it happened."

I swallowed. "Did one of you find the body?"

Jean winced and I had my answer. Poor kid, that wasn't something I would wish on anyone. The faces of Isla and the others flashed before me and started my usual shivering. Be it one comrade or a dozen, it never got easier.

I stepped over to him and put a hand on his arm. "I'm so sorry, Marco was a great kid. No doubt he fought like hell until his luck ran out. But I know that doesn't help much in the aftermath, so again, I'm sorry."

Jean nodded. "Th-Thanks. How've things been here?"

"Fine, we've been making some progress with Eren and prepping for the next mission. But look, right now you guys just need to collect your uniforms from our supply sergeant and then get settled. This is your new home."

Reiner dipped his head. "Thanks for the welcome, Robyn. It's good to know there's room for a little family amongst the regulations."

"You know me," I winked. "I'm all about the regulations. Come on guys, let's get you kitted out. Eren, why don't you catch up with Armin and Mikasa?"

Both of them looked fit to burst with excitement at seeing Eren again. Of course, Mikasa was a little overly concerned with how he had been treated, but she did at least blush once I raised my brow at the idea of him being tortured. Sure, be wary of my Captain, but c'mon! I'm a peach.

Over by the stables I saw my Captain lingering, his watchful gaze scanning the new batch, expression otherwise entirely unreadable. I went over to him. His eyes flashed to me and the tiniest hint of a smile flickered in and out of view. I leaned against the wall next to him, the class now gathering their capes and being shown towards the quarters. They were a good bunch. But that was not really the focus once we were on a mission, out there on the plains. How would they do?

"Looks like a decent number of brats…"

"I can only assume the scare at Trost has refreshed a few folks' memories on why it is we need to reclaim Maria so badly."

He hummed. "Would have been carnage within a few days, had we been relegated back to Cina."

I nodded. The mess after Maria fell was only five years old, but I doubted the memories would fade in even fifty years. So many people funnelled into Rose. So little food scraped across so many. And then the cull. I shivered and hugged myself tightly. We had avoided it. But by how much? Why the Armoured hadn't reappeared like his counterpart was unclear, and I found myself still not fully trusting it.

"Keep an eye on them, Robyn." He murmured, and when I glanced to Levi I knew he wasn't talking as a Captain. He was just a man in that moment, looking at a bunch of teenagers, worrying. His heart was well buried, but it still beat so strongly. He glanced at me. "They'll confide in you, I hope."

"Confide?" I tilted my head. "They don't know anything–"

"I just mean in general." He closed his eyes as the last of the sunset washed over us. "Not for snooping. But for those moments kids wish they still had a hand to hold, y'know? We can't offer much in the way of comfort, but I still like to remember they're basically children."

"Mm, good point. Tough kids that have already seen too much, but still kids."

"Precisely. Carry on, Sanshi." He moved away, marching off as Oluo emerged from the stables, somehow still grumbling.

It was time to start preparing these brand new soldiers for their first mission beyond Wall Rose. They had a taste of the carnage from Trost, but even there they had been close to the walls, they had safety within reach, or at least a sense of it. Out on the plains it was different. Out there the space was wonderful but also terrifying – and that was without it being the real 'outside'. They were being split into squads of course. But as they got their assignments, I started to notice something odd. Everyone was being given different information on where the Levi squad would be. Some thought the rear, some the middle, some the front. Misdirection. Clearly the Commander had an ongoing plan happening, and we weren't allowed to pry.

I had a bunch of the 104th in front of me, ready to learn the harsh reality of having to perhaps make do with a broken saddle or faulty riding gear. It wasn't often that a Scout still had a horse with poor riding gear – if the gear was buggered the horse usually was as well. But we prepared for everything around here, and I was a deft hand at making do. And so, teaching time.

It was hardly surprising that they adapted well; I'd seen that much and plenty more from them at the training camp. These kids were good at learning, and eager to do so. And Trost had not dampened that, if anything it had increased it tenfold. The only one really struggling was the little blonde one. It seemed to mainly be due to height and a slight fear of her horse. I could understand that, being a shortarse myself, but the last thing a Scout could afford was being afraid of their own horse. Out there, in the thick of it, sometimes it was just you and your steed. Alone.

I went over to her and smiled as she once again failed to get the broken saddle into place. It wouldn't do any good to suggest she might at some point have to try and go bareback, the girl would not be keen on trying to figure out how to get onto the horse without even stirrups available right now. A lesson for tomorrow perhaps.

She looked at me meekly. "I'm not doing very well, sorry."

"Nothing to apologise for. You're here to learn, and I'm here to teach. If you all got it in one then I'd be a bit redundant, wouldn't I?"

She blushed. "You're being kind."

"Not really, just logical. C'mere," I took the straps from her and showed her again, and as the horse remained utterly still, I paused and nodded to her. "You see how little the horse is bothered by any of this?"

She eyed the beast like someone afraid their rifle would misfire. "Uhuh…"

"They have been well trained to deal with a lot… Uh… Crap, I'm so sorry, what's your name?"

"Christa." She smiled, looking down for a moment. "And there's nothing to be sorry for, no real reason you'd recall me."

"Still, apologies." I nodded. "So Christa, like I was saying, these horses are trained to deal with some serious shit out there on the field. They're not bothered by us humans having to fuck about with their riding gear. And even if you did accidentally hurt it, this gal would likely just huff at you."

"Oh… Was it that obvious I was nervous?"

"A little." I smiled. "But really these beauties are there with us, they're part of the team. Don't fear your partner."

She nodded. "You're so right, sorry I was being so silly."

"Nah, it comes with experience." I patted the horse and it gave a low rumble of appreciation. "They also respond pretty well to that sense of trust and familiarity."

"Makes a lot of sense. Thanks, Robyn. Oh sorry, uh… Sanshi?"

"Call me whatever you like, love. And really it's no problem, literally what I'm here for." I grinned and headed over to Bertholdt who seemed utterly bamboozled by the concept of a backup set of straps, unless he was always that sweaty and confused looking – I admit, he was another I hadn't taken much stock of at the camp.

I sincerely hoped I didn't suddenly recall these kids from a list of the dead.

And there we have it! The mission is looming! Hope you enjoyed ^-^ if you have the time to review, that would be lovely, otherwise, cya next friday! Thanks for reading, faving, following etc. cheerio!