Hello! Sorry about the non-update last week, in all honesty life just got away from me a bit and suddenly it was tuesday lol. So here we are, the mission! Enjoy!

Dear Keza,

It's mission day again. I always think it's going to get easier, the lead up, but it doesn't. I still don't sleep. And I still assume everything is going to go wrong. Is that just me? Do you still have your wobbles before big events? Or did you figure all that out by now? If you did, please go ahead and send the magic formula over to me. Maybe it'll be here for me when I get home. Once I do, I'll sort out a visit. I'm sure the Commander won't mind – to say he was thunderstruck by you would be an understatement.

No, I still haven't spoken to Levi about my feelings. I know. You'll be pissed about that no doubt, but I'm working on it. I did tell him about me being barren though - and you wouldn't believe how sweet he was about it. Mainly due to the initial panic over me maybe being preggers, but still, he was wonderful. It's becoming very hard to claim to be anything but in love with this man. Who the hell am I? And when was it I started letting myself do stupid things like falling in love… This is what happens when I'm left unsupervised I guess.

Can't wait to see you. Not that I know when that will be possible - damn us both being busy productive people now. But hopefully soon.

Love you,

Robyn

Mission day arrived.

The cadets were as ready as they were ever going to be, and the rest of us felt the familiar thrill and dread sink into our guts. Another day beyond the safety of Rose. Another day to step closer to reclaiming Maria. But this time, we had a whole new ace up our sleeve; now we had Eren. What he would ultimately mean for the Scouts, and for Humanity, was unclear, but it felt like a change regardless. And I suppose with those new chances came new risks. Eren, was much as I trusted him as a soldier, was an unknown when it came to his Titan ability.

I handed over my letter to the courier. It was their last pick up from the base before we set out. Hopefully not with too many final letters in his satchel, but only time would tell. How many of us would come home? Would we be able to prove how vital Eren could be to the cause?

The Commander also handed over some letters, and as he did so, he eyed me before turning and leaving. Normally, I'd have been put-out by the suspicious look. Recently though? He had been doing it a lot. To everyone. No one was above his prying, and as much as I wanted to shove the nearest bunch of grass up his nose for even suspecting me, Levi had suggested I simply smile and nod. Even he was getting minimal information from the Commander. And the two of them had known each other for years. They had been through a lot. But still, sealed doors for Levi too.

It seemed to be annoying Mike rather a lot as well. I had never seen him sniff so much when it wasn't hayfever season. It seemed like his annoyance was equal parts hurt over being suspected, but also irritation at his comrades actions towards others. And then I found out the former didn't even apply. While we were making final checks on the newbies riding equipment, he admitted to knowing more details about the mission. He didn't share them. Of course not. But I think he wanted to assure me that some people were in the know. It helped. It still stung to know I was in the 'potential problem' column, but at least Mike was clued in. Then again, perhaps it wasn't me, perhaps it was someone in my squad. We did have Eren in our squad I suppose.

Maybe Erwin was less sure of Eren than I realised.

We were off.

Another mission had begun.

The air was thick with signals across the open plains of Maria. What the hell would we find out here? Would Eren be able to use his ability all right? And what exactly was all the cloak and dagger about? Levi didn't know much, but he also didn't seem all that bothered about not knowing much. But I knew he trusted the Commander. So I would do my best to do the same.

The rookies were pretty spread out, but they had shown me good instincts at the training camp. I hope it translated well onto the field. Please don't cross out any more of their names. Not yet. Marco should have lived, but then again, like I'd said before, there was a lot of 'should' left unattended in this cruel world of ours. I focused on the task at hand, and the squad with which I rode. We would make this count. And we would keep Eren safe. Whatever the hell was going unsaid by the Commander, we would deal with it when it hit. The Scouts could do this. I trusted that.

I had to.

The quiet of the plains always confused me, always set my teeth on edge and my heart racing. Peaceful, in some ways. But ultimately it felt like a long breath before a long scream, or a plunge. How many of those newbies would come home again? Would we come home again? I focused on the pound of my horse's hooves, throwing the questions aside for now. Focus. Be present. This mission had more than the normal progress riding on its haunches, it had Eren's fate, and tied to that, likely the rest of us as well.

With that in mind, it was hard not to have a sinking feeling as black and red began to bleed into the sky. Abnormals. Conflicts. Likely squad wipes all along the outskirts. Many newbies had been out there. Armin, right? Was he already gone? Staring up at the sky blankly? I bent my head closer to my horse, keeping the tears back. They might not be dead. They might just be struggling. And being a Scout meant struggling. They could endure that, they were tough kids, and they had chosen this life as much as anyone else here. Sure, we had little other choice except accepting our fates and becoming cattle like everyone else, but still, we chose. And now we had to make good on that.

The air continued to be pitted by black and red smoke, drifting as we altered course, murking the horizon as gear clashed and shouts rebounded off the plains. Everyone was doing their best. I just wish I knew what the Commander was thinking. At the moment it looked like we were headed for a huge thicket of trees, the kind of place that would be perfect for our gear, but terrible for being happened upon by Titans who had wandered in and got stuck. Why go there? Presumably some ultimate plan was at play, but I had no idea where it was going or why, which in turn made it harder to keep Eren calm. How do you assure someone things will be okay when you have no idea what the hell is even happening? Especially when you also don't want to lie.

The black smoke got closer.

And closer.

A messenger came alongside, panting, pale and panic stricken. The entire outer ranks had been wiped out. What? By an abnormal? What the hell kind of beast was this? Petra handed the message along the line, soon returning to us as those trees got more in range. We had always been headed there, hadn't we? But how could the Commander have predicted an Abnormal attack? The very nature of those bastards was that they were unexpected. It didn't add up, but for now I would just bend my head and stick to orders.

I hoped Eren could do the same.

As soon as the darkness of those trees swallowed us, we were all on edge. But Eren? He was even more so, because in there, we couldn't ignore the screams of our comrades. Whatever kind of beast was beelining for the centre of the formation, had made its way deep. It was coming for us. Or rather, seemingly, for Eren. At least, that was what it felt like – unless that counted as paranoia?

The thunder got closer still. It was right behind us.

I looked back, the steps were a ways off yet, but within range of me getting a look at it. Or rather, at her. What the hell?

Muscles on show, just like the Colossal was described as both times. Blonde hair, just like the Armoured was described as from the initial fall. That couldn't be a coincidence. It wasn't just an abnormal, it had to be some kind of shifter. Maybe someone like Eren? Shit. So they were after him because they now knew about him? Or had they always known? My head was already aching by the time I managed to peel my gaze away from her intense pursuit. She had her goal, and no Scout was getting in the way of that. Not without being turned into Scout jam beforehand anyway. Bitch. She was casting soldiers aside like a gambler might roll dice.

Eren wanted to fight.

He wanted to help.

He wanted to do anything but endlessly ride ahead, with that ever decreasing gap tightening.

I agreed. It hurt to hear my comrades screaming, to hear those soft impacts as their bodies smashed into the ground, the trees, or whatever else she happened to slap, throw or grind them into. But I stayed true to the orders. Ride ahead. Why? Because I trusted Captain Levi; both as my leader, and as a man. He had shown me on both sides of that coin that I could trust him entirely, and as much as my heart ached, and my eyes itched with unshed tears, I would stick to that. Because I knew how catastrophic it could be when teammates didn't.

"Trust us Eren!" Petra yelled, likely praying for the same thing I was.

Eren had to trust us, or we were all at risk. And if Eren didn't trust us, he might shift when he wasn't meant to. Be that out of a want to fight, or sheer panic. And then? Then there was no telling what might happen. Once back in the walls, if it got out that he had disobeyed, he would be taken by the MPs in moments. And then… Lab Rat time. We wouldn't be able to help.

Please Eren. Don't.

Another soldier died behind us, the Female Titan got closer. She was practically on top of us. Shit. What do we do? What the hell were we meant to do?

Eren gritted his teeth. "I'm with you! I trust the Levi squad!"

Thank fuck. But that didn't help with the present problem of the towering bitch of death about to claim us in her fists to crush us. Or throw us. Or… Well she seemed to be doing anything but eating. One mercy, I suppose.

"Everyone cover your ears!" Captain Levi barked, raising his arm with a flare gun ready to go. A sound grenade? So he had some idea of what was happening.

I held my hands over my ears. The sound cracked through the air and as we passed the next large tree the plan became clearer. Row after row of Hanji's special anchor barrels; on the ground, in the branches. An ambush. But how the hell had they even known to set one? As soon as we were clear, and as soon as her enormous foot planted into their path, the noise only got worse. Whoosh. Bang. Slice. Crunch. On and on, a cacophony of thunder. Did we get her?

Levi barked more orders. "Regroup further down, and tend to my horse!"

"Yes, sir!"

All right. I didn't know what the hell was happening still, but at least the string of dying Scouts had come to an end. But what the hell had begun instead?

We landed on the branches heavily, no one bothering to act like they weren't phased by this. There was no pretending. So much had been lost on the way here, so much hidden from us soldiers as if we were part of the suspected enemy, so many lives lost to sheer confusion. Had the Commander suspected another intelligent Titan? I assumed so, and it made my blood simmer beneath my flushed skin. How dare he play with our lives like that? If we lived long enough, I was going to give him an earful. I sincerely hoped I got the chance.

Eren slumped against the branch, panting still, eyes wide and confused. Whether he made the right call to not shift was unclear, to everyone. Oluo was glaring at him, looking ready to unleash a fresh lecture, but I just shook my head. Give the kid a minute for fuck's sake. Everyone struggled on their first mission, let alone when their first mission was this intense, and also had his own freedom looming over it regardless of survival. Did this even count as a success? Sure Eren had shown restraint thus far, but that didn't prove his usefulness, not in a way that I expected Dawk to accept. We would need more.

I handed him some water and ran my hand up and down his back. "If you need to puke, there's no shame in it. Just make sure there's no one beneath you, eh?"

Oluo glared, I winked. No, I was never letting him live that down, he puked right on top of a squad leaders head, and had stable duty for two months solid. Beautiful.

Eren sipped and began to breathe easier. "Thanks, Robyn. I just… I'm just trying to wrap my head around it all. You guys trust the Commander and Captain so easily. I already knew that of course but… But seeing it is different somehow."

"Pah." Oluo scoffed, putting on his best attempt at a Levi pose and failing spectacularly. "Of course we trust them, it is a soldier's duty to obey. You better 'wrap your head around' that pretty damn quick green-horn. Without that you're useless to us. You might as well be back in that cell waiting to be–"

"Personally, the odd question never did me any harm." I snapped, standing and looking Oluo over. "Yes, in the moment trusting your team is important, of course, but you can trust someone and have questions. To never question is to simply be a damn sheep."

"Being a renegade doesn't make you spec–"

"I'm not talking about being a damned renegade Oluo, get your head out of your ass and consider that if we all never questioned, then we'd have never stepped beyond the damn walls in the first place. The very nature of being a Scout is to question." And I flicked his forehead for good measure. "You're a damn good soldier, and you have good points about trust, but don't berate the kid for wondering why the hell we were all left in the dark like that."

I swallowed hard, my anger at the Commander rising to the surface far quicker than expected. My eyes went down and my cheeks burned. Petra came over and put her hand on my arm, but no one really argued. Not one of them. Not even Oluo. I glanced around and saw their reserved acknowledgement of what I had said, and the fact they couldn't dispute it.

"So…" Eren began. "So you guys really didn't know anything about this?"

I sighed. "There's going to have been a good reason for the secrecy Eren, don't get me wrong. But no, I know for myself, I knew fuck all." I scraped my hair back and retied it in a tight braid, needing to keep my hands busy.

Petra went over to him and helped him top up his gas and check on his blades. "The main thing Eren, between questioning or not, is at least trust in your team, okay? We're here to serve the regiment, sure, but we're also here to serve for each other. Watch each others backs, bring each other home. And, to follow the Captain's orders. He knows how to get the mission done, and keep us alive. That much you should be able to trust without doubt."

Eren nodded, though his eyes did glance to the side. I couldn't blame the kid for being a little reserved about my Captain, after all, the man had half beaten him to death in that courtroom. It would take time for Eren not to be simply intimidated by Captain Levi. But maybe that worked towards the trust as well, as he had seen firsthand how strong Captain Levi could be. It was hard to tell if it was a help or a hindrance, but I could at least hope Eren had enough trust in us to believe the Captain had our best interests in mind.

We were ready to go again, waiting for our orders to come through via signal or the Captain coming to us. Either way, we were ready for anything. Just because the Female Titan was supposedly in custody, I wouldn't trust that she was captured until we were safely behind the walls. So much was unknown about these new types of Titan. Were they all controlled by humans like Erens? Was it all people from within our own ranks or was there something even more extraordinary going on here? Was it from beyond our walls? I shook my head, this was not the place for theorising.

A long feral cry ripped through the forest.

It sent birds to flight and shivers down our spines. I swallowed hard, that sound having an edge like a knife to it. A panicked animal fighting for its life. Was it her? The Female Titan? My hands gravitated towards my blades. Would it be a fresh fight? Or a mad dash back to the walls? My mouth was dry, and I didn't dare to look around the group. My own panic was fine. Occasionally I was known to overthink and over-react. But they weren't. Gunter and Eld were solid. Petra was sensible. Okay Oluo was sometimes a bit of an idiot. But I didn't want to see the others as struck by that fear as I was, it would shake me harder than anything.

Eren was pale. "The hell was that sound…"

"I'm sure we'd all like to know." I whispered, eyes locked on the direction the yell had come from, the direction we had ridden from with the horses and then moved further away still. Would a massive hand suddenly appear? No. I'd hear her running, of course. As agile as she appeared to be, I doubted she was that stealthy. I took a long breath and looked up at the canopy, focusing on the small shards of blue I caught between then leaves. The sky. The world beyond this strange, dense, bubble of a forest. It was still out there, we would be there again. Just breathe. Just–

A signal fired. But it was a green one.

Time to regroup.

Our Captain must have headed back to us. Maybe everything would be okay.

Yeah... maybe everything will be fine Robyn... and that's TOTALLY your captain on the way over... heh...

Thanks for reading, faving, following and reviewing. Genuinely love hearing from you folks. Cya in a week!