Hello! Hope you guys are having a fun festive season!

Progress to town was slow. Taking back roads, stopping at the first sign of company and hiding. It was maddening. But it was also a lot safer than anything else. Usually we were rushing around like maniacs, so being so slow and methodical was downright surreal. But it also gave us time to regroup. Eren had recovered from his headwound, and showed no signs of transforming. He even recalled avoiding it. A small victory, but an important one. He also recalled how nervous everyone had been though, and I think that shook him most of all. After all that training, all that progress, they could still be so wary of him so quickly.

My shoulder also had time to heal. It would be bruised for a long time, but thankfully that MP bastard hadn't hit anything vital or any nerves, so it was already aching less without medication. Even so, I wasn't allowed to drive, or ride by myself. So the wagon it was. I slept most of the time, watching the sunshine dapple over the wagon's linen roof until sleep took me. I'd not been this sedentary in years, if ever. Now and then someone else would join me, each taking turns to not have to ride or be on watch. So as much as it was boring being there alone most of the time, I also got a chance to be with each of my comrades. Our little family was doing okay, all things considered.

Historia was still quiet, but that made sense. She had lost Ymir, and she had everything else to contend with; we knew who she was, there was a lot of expectation in that truth and we had no clue of how to unlock said expectation. Or what she might do with it if it was. Her loyalties were… Foggy. She had no real love of her family, they had abandoned her. But the Scouts had also been a means to an end. A way to hide.

"I don't blame you for being angry, by the way." I murmured, watching the shadows dance across the linen. Her eyes landed on me, I could feel it, she had that sort of gaze. "Not that my opinion should matter, but still."

"And what do you understand about my anger?" She muttered.

"Oh I dunno… You had a father that rejected your existence, except when he could use it… Your mother was too weak to protect you and apparently didn't want you in the end… And ever since you've darted from place to place, hiding, running, being afraid, until finally you find somewhere solid but have to be thrown out into the madness of battle in order to stay. Couple threads in common there, to say the least." I smirked and closed my eyes. "We all have our own struggles, and regardless of parallels I'll never understand your pain of course. That's yours. But I'm just saying, the anger makes a lot of sense."

"You have anger?"

"You know I do." I snorted. "No way you've not caught one of my many rants. Between the training camp and time with the Scouts, you must have heard me go off on one."

"Mm, true… I guess my own anger feels a bit… redundant."

I peeked at her. "How so?"

"Being angry at my parents is pointless, they're just stupid humans like the rest of us. The systems that have chased me… No point being angry at a system, it won't change because I'm glaring at it. And the commander… Just another stupid human who thinks he can change a system."

"Wow, you really are a miserable fuck these days." I laughed softly and closed my eyes again. "Anger has a point, but it can also just be another way of letting the bastards win."

"Which bastards?"

"Take your pick."

She went quiet after that. I can't say I reached her, or we bonded or anything. But it was nice to have a pretence free chat with her at least. All veils aside, she was an astute kid. I kind of pitied her for that. It meant she understood the fuckery that was going on.

And then Levi took a rest, at long last. He'd held out as long as possible, no doubt he'd been avoiding the wagon like the plague. But eventually even he had to rest, and when he came in, his eyes were fixed low as I sat towards the back of the wagon. He perched about halfway along, leaning back against one of the posts, immediately closing his eyes. I stayed quiet. Not out of meekness, but he had to try and recuperate. We had no idea what kind of situation we would find in town. It could be chaos as soon as we arrived, and we were only three days out. Without more delays at least. So I stayed shushed and let him rest.

A couple of hours later he stirred. I'd managed to keep a small pot of tea turning over for folks thanks to an ingenious set up by Moblit. I could maintain the flames, but easily douse them if we had to scatter or the wagon had to lurch into a gallop. But in the meantime, we had hot drinks to keep us going.

I held one out to Levi, and he took it. Our fingers briefly touched and neither of us flinched. I'm not sure why I expected that. It wasn't like we were kids, we knew arguments were going to happen. But I supposed this was our first proper one, and I certainly didn't have a great example to call upon for dealing with conflict in relationships. Before this I'd only really had one night stands, or friendships. And the only long term romantic relationship I'd ever seen was one of violence, domination and brutality. I was lost.

He sipped.

I sipped.

Between the two of us I was likely the slightly less awkward one, so I could start. "Levi, I–"

"I'm sorry." He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before looking at me properly. The gentle glow of the tiny fire caught along his expression, highlighting all those small tells I'd gradually come to know and read. He was worried. That small lift to his brows, the tension in his lips, the tightening of his eyes.

"Likewise." I nodded. "I'm sorry. But…"

"But you standby what you said?" He offered, tilting his head and then smirking a little when I nodded. "Mm, figured as much. I… Yeah, I guess I'm the same. I asked you to not engage, and you went ahead and offered yourself as a meat shield for Jaeger."

"If I hadn't h–"

"I'm not condemning it." He raised his free hand, lowering it when I went quiet. "I'm just explaining what it looked like from over here. Like you just didn't give a shit if you were taken out, and I was left here to bury you."

My whole body cringed. Of course I wanted to refute it, to admonish such dramatic ideas, but I couldn't. That was how it had seemed to Levi. My blood was spilt and he saw red. He panicked. He was afraid of losing me. Just as I would be afraid of losing him.

I looked down at my tea. "I'm sorry for that, I… I didn't want to hurt you."

"Yeah, I'm well aware. But you can't ignore that aspect to things now. Neither of us can."

I swallowed hard. "I wasn't ignoring it, I…"

He waited for me to find the words. I pursed my lips and thought harder, seeking out what the hell I had been thinking at the time. And in a small way, I don't think death had really been on my mind. Like that altercation couldn't possibly lead to my death. But had that dagger landed a couple inches one way or the other instead, it could have gone into my throat, an artery, or even my heart. I could have easily been killed. Very easily. But I can't live my life not doing things, on the off-chance I die. We're soldiers. We can't–

He sighed. "I don't expect you to wrap yourself in cotton-wool, but you could have approached the fight better. You were reckless." He frowned and sipped his drink before coming over and sitting beside me. "Like it didn't matter if you lived or not."

"I-I know it matters." I moved closer and leaned against him. "But I guess I could work on making my actions seem like it. Sorry, Levi."

"Mm, all right, now me. I got the lines all blurred, huh?"

"Yeah, you kinda did."

"I'm sorry, I'm still getting used to the whole 'having feelings' thing."

"Or at least, admitting to them." I chuckled and he nodded.

He set his tea aside, and took my hand in his. "I'm sorry. That wasn't the right way to approach it."

I squeezed his hand. "We're both learning."

"Mm.. I hate that I have no idea what this next mess is gonna bring."

"None of us do."

He squeezed my hand gently. "But let's try and get through it together?"

I kissed his knuckles. "Together."

First stop, the nunnery.

Until we had abandoned the cart and set off on foot, I don't think it had really occurred to me how much this visit might mess with my head. But no looking back now.

For a moment my hand shook. It was where I had met Keza, where we had forged our friendship out of the blood and pain of what those bastard Nuns did to her. Years had passed. I wasn't that scared little girl anymore, snarling and biting at the world. No, now I had the means to fight. And yet, my hand hovered above the wooden door, shaking. I drew a long breath. You have a job to do. Across the street I knew the others would be watching me, wondering what the hell I was doing. Move. Find out whatever you can and get out. Simple. I shivered. Fuck. Part of me hoped no one was home.

I knocked.

The wood was warped and splintered, in need of fresh polish and perhaps replacing altogether. Had they already left this building? Perhaps they had scurried elsewhere. Set up shop closer to their fellow fanatic in the Wallists. Footsteps approached the door. I held my clenched hands by my sides and braced myself as best I could. Would it be a nun I knew? Perhaps even the one I saw butcher Keza, or at least she ensured the butchering had taken place. Part of me hoped not; to be faced by that waking nightmare would be hard to swallow. Part of me hoped she would appear before me; ready to be sent to the ground. I was still flipping the coin in my head over what I would prefer when the door crept open a couple of inches and part of a face peered out from the gloom.

"Yes?" The withered voice cooed from within, and I gave a small nod. The door opened a little more, revealing an elderly woman with a hooked nose. "How can I help?"

I didn't know her face.

My throat thickened, but I cleared it as best I could. "Do the Nuns still reside here?"

"The Nuns? Oh my dear, no. They left many years ago after they fell out of favour. The Wallists rather took over, hm?"

Damn. Another dead end.

I stepped back. "Thank you for the information. Sorry to have bothered you."

"Quite all right dear, I just look after the place now. Seemed a shame to let it go to waste after all their good work in Shiganshina."

I stopped. My feet stalled on the step and my whole body went rigid. It didn't matter. All it was, was some sweet old lady not knowing what she was talking about. And yet? And yet… My whole body thrummed with outrage. Good work. They had done anything but that. Sure, I pulled Keza through their torment, but so many others didn't make it to the other side. I only got out because the damn deed was already done by Vincent. No need to sterilise a rat who's already got a barren cupboard.

"Did you know their work intimately?" I asked just before the door closed, looking back over my shoulder, seeing that aged face crease in momentary concern.

"I suppose not, but they took children in and saw it to it that they got a good meal, a little education and–"

"And a butchering session." I said it calmly, no venom in my voice, no malice at all. But the words were out there all the same. The old woman paused and frowned. "I'd suggest turning this place into something new, something to erase those monsters from everyone's memory."

"Monsters? My dear, what are you–"

"Just a well meant suggestion. Take it or leave it." I dipped my head and walked onwards.

She'd likely brush it off. But if she didn't, and she did a little digging, perhaps I could come back here some day and find something new. Something to eradicate their shittiness from the past.

For now though, I returned to the group and leaned against the wall by Armin. "No luck."

"She didn't know anything?"

"They're gone, disbanded once the Wallists took over."

"I see. Well it was worth investigating anyway."

"Mm."

My Captain nodded towards the door. "What did you stop and say? Looked pretty intense."

"I told her to turn the place into something worthwhile. To erase their shitty memory."

The confused expressions ended with Armin's disapproval. "I understand that you had your differences with the organisation Robyn, but that's still a people's belief system. You shouldn't disregard it so careless–"

"Nothing careless about it, Armin. Trust me. Some 'beliefs' are nothing but toxic bullshit built up to control people, to keep certain people down and other's up."

He blinked and looked back towards the door. "So when you said you had dealings with them."

"Very personal ones, yes."

The boy seemed to manage to read between the lines at long last, and his eyes met the ground. After that all he did was nod. Perhaps it was too harsh of me, perhaps he couldn't be blamed for seeking a grey area in our world of black and white. But those nuns were the last place to look for moral ambiguity.

My Captain stood away from the wall. "We should get moving. It was worthwhile to take this shot, but we've lingered too long. C'mon."

And so we kept moving.

We only stopped once, to make our play, and with any luck nothing out of the ordinary had been spotted.

The town was bustling with people as they collected extra rations and enjoyed the false idea that times were turning around. Levi said it himself – people are easier to control when they're not starving. It was a thinly veiled attempt at keeping people on side, but clearly it was effective. We kept moving, kept letting anyone that needed to spot us. Come on you bastards take the bait. Armin was doing his best, keeping his head down and movements dainty – not that this was particularly difficult for him, but still. It was brave of him to agree to be Historia's stand-in. But it was the only way to get a good lead on who exactly was being sent after us. For Historia and Eren alike.

Levi suddenly stopped. "Behind us! Look out!"

And the games began.

Sure enough a waggon appeared seemingly from thin air. Both 'Historia' and 'Eren' were grabbed. We yelled, we objected, but we did not give chase. After all, we didn't have our gear, right? I still hated even the notion of using the cadets as bait, but at least this way we had bought ourselves some time. While we let the rookie kidnappers dig their own graves, Levi warned Mikasa and the others about what I had already suspected. Kenny. The deeper we got into this, the more likely it seemed like this was how he was involved in things. Somehow he had wormed his way into the royal courts, or at least those actually in charge of them. He was no rookie. And we had to be prepared for him to appear.

For now we had to regroup with the waggon carrying the real Eren and Historia. I still didn't think we should have had them kept together, but then again we hardly had the resources to look after them apart. We just had to make do. Me and Levi landed atop a roof where Nifa had been keeping watch on progress for us. Nothing to report yet supposedly. But I didn't like how easy this was going. Nothing had gone wrong yet, and that just didn't sit right in my stomach. We were so close to reaching Pixis, to getting this done, so naturally, my heart was in my throat.

"If he was gonna strike, it would be sometime soon, right?" I breathed, watching the wagon start to crawl forward again at long last.

"Yeah. Real soo–Shit! Nifa!"

Noise erupted. Roof tiles splintered. I was falling. Someone threw me to the side.

Wait, what?

I fell. As I plummeted from the roof, hearing Levi yelling, watching Nifa's hand falter after having pushed me aside, her head half gone, I realised Kenny had arrived. He killed Nifa. He had probably been trying to kill me.

We had been found.

Time to move.

I fired my gear and skimmed the ground, just avoiding being splayed against the cobbles helpless. But there wasn't time to regroup. Not now. We had to fend for ourselves. Kenny's lackeys were everywhere. Shots fired, yells rebounded; some my own, some Levi's, others being everyone else's. A bullet skimmed my shoulder, another grazing my side. I kept moving, skidding along the cobbles, trying to get a read on which way Levi was headed. The main street. He would be trying to meet up with the wagon. Move. Stay out of their firing line. Faster!

"Little Sanshi has some fire, eh?"

"Look at her scurry!"

I ignored them, zipping down alleyways and barrelling along streets. They didn't matter. All they were, were Kenny's pawns. Keep moving. I took a sharp turn, a blast having been tracking my movements. Just as I thought. They had the means to fire as they flew. Somehow. I glanced back as I rounded another corner, catching sight of my Captain in the main street as well as the thugs pursuing him. Yup, a gun was attached to their firing mechanisms. Clearly they had been developed with this kind of combat in mind. That wouldn't do much good against a Titan. These weapons were for humans, for killing Scouts.

"We missed you in the Underground little bitch!" They cooed from above, I took another turn, aiming for the main street. "But not this time!"

I sped up.

Keep going, don't look back again. Left. Right. Swoop and duck. I could barely breathe, and any second I expected an anchor to fail to make impact, for something to jam. For a bullet to hit something vital. But that didn't matter. Keep moving, reach the wagon, get them back. Civilians had begun to realise something was amiss and so a ruckus was kicking up in our wake. No doubt entirely Kenny's plan. We were known. They were not. If there was a problem with folks zipping around on gear causing violence, the Scouts would get all the blame. Damn it. I fired again and headed for the main street, to get back to Levi and the others. I came out onto the main street, the light blinding me for a second.

"Keep moving! The wagon's just ahead!" My Captain yelled, a few moments behind me. I waved and followed orders, speeding myself up so I could land in the wagon to try and take down the lackey that was driving it.

"Oi!" I barked, and she whirled round in alarm. I swung, about to slash open her side. But something pricked my neck. Shit. The effect was instant. My hands went numb. No. Everything did. The world pivoted. I staggered.

"Robyn!" Levi's voice sounded so far off, but he had been right behind me, hadn't he?

Whatever the drug was, it worked fast.

I slumped to my knees, noting the sleeping figures of Eren and Historia against the boards already, small darts sticking out of their necks. Shit. I tried to grab the driver, to do anything, but my limbs were going numb. Cold. My cheek smacked off the bottom of the waggon and the lights began to fade as more feet landed beside me. Jean and Armin? Maybe. It was hard to make sense of anything, all the yelling and then subsequent firing of guns. But then someone tried to grab my arm, but my dead weight did little but slow them down. Did they get Eren and Historia? Maybe. I heard no one call my name again, no hands moved me in worried concern. No. It must have been the lackeys that caught up first. Where… Where were they taking… us? My thoughts became sluggish. I blinked. My tongue was numb.

Sleep… I just want… Sleep.

Aand there we have it! Just another wee reminder, from here is where the biggest deviations from the "end game" canon stuff will be starting to appear. Just sowing seeds and all that, but do not expect this to follow canon events much at all when it comes to Marley stuff etc. It'll be featured, I am using a fair amount of that stuff as inspiration, but not much beyond that inspiration. I just really found the latter parts of the anime/manga very... Meh (Characters, tone, pacing, story, worldbuilding, the whole shebang). And if you don't agree, all good! Love it! Of course! I ain't saying I'm right, it's just my own opinion on it. But just fair warning, in my story they will be some deviations upon deviations. So dinnea moan later lol.

Cya next week!