The Teen Titans, after having spent a week in Lisbon, Portugal, were episodes of season 2 of Unusual Stuff, following the creepy filled adventure of kid nerds from the 80s and their telekinetic female friend.
"Man, I miss the 80s." Cyborg sighed with nostalgia.
"Cyborg, you weren't born in the 80s." Nightwing pointed out. "You were born in 1996. Given that, even if you were born ten years earlier, you'd still miss the 80s by the time you'd be able to recognize what decade you were in."
"Just because I haven't personally experienced it doesn't mean that my childhood wasn't shaped by it. The 90s were trying to make themselves dark and edgy. Too much for my taste. The 80s were filled with optimism and adventure!"
"They do look like the crazy fun times, dude." Beast acknowledged.
"So totally the radical." Starfire giggled as she tried speaking like them.
"This is a new show. It's just emulating the 80s." Raven pointed out.
"And that's what's so great about it! The big hair, the shoulder pads, and that sweet, sweet retro soundtrack! It's the best!"
"Cyborg, what is it about the 80s that's so special to you?" Nightwing asked. "You mention all these pop culture references and the general vibe of the decade, but aren't you just cherry picking examples you personally like?"
"Maybe a bit, but it's certainly better than other decades!"
"The 80s weren't that great." Cyborg gasped.
"You take that back!"
"Careful, bro!" Beast warned. "You be skating on that thin ice!"
"I'm just saying. The 80s also had the Cold War, trickle down economics, and toxic masculinity abound everywhere."
"Ugh, that one alone almost sounds like a dealbreaker to me." Jinx gagged.
"Not to mention, it was only until the very late 80s that the internet would become a thing, and even then, it's terrible compared to today. Not to mention rotary phones being the mode of long distance communication for the decade. I bet Cyborg couldn't even find his favorite record at the mall."
"I'll take you up on that bet!" Cyborg boasted. "Purchasing my favorite album in the 80s sounds wonderful!"
"Alright. Because we don't want to disrupt the timeline, will combine Raven's magic with the augmented reality room to perfectly capture that 80's feel. all you have to do is buy an album. If you can do that, then I'll admit that the 80s were the best decade ever. But if you can't, then you'll have to tone down the whole 80s worship attitude. Just treat it like it's as good as any other decade of the 20th century... minus the 30s and 40s. The Great Depression and World War II certainly made those two decades not so great.
"That's a bet!" Cyborg shook Nightwing's hand.
"Joy! We will experience the life of the 80s teens!" Starfire cheered.
"Then let's go, dudes and dudetts!" Beast suggested. So they went to the augmented reality room, and with Raven's magical enhancements, they artificially went back in time to the 80s, where the tower had more than 80s style shape and coloring, the living room colors were more vibrant, and they were all dressed in 80s clothes.
"Dude, you look like them stereotypical nerds, bro!" Beast laughed, who was dressed like a Californian surfer dude.
"I know, right? The suspender pants, the square glasses, the pocket protectors. So cool." He spoke like that Steve kid in one of his shows on that last part.
"Radical hair, Star." Jinx complimented the Tamaranean, from now wore a green pants suit, the high tapered legs and high waist belt emphasizing her curvaceous and feminine figure, and her long hair was even bigger and poofier with curls.
"The like, thanks." Starfire fluffed her hair. "Both you and Raven look the bodacious." Raven wore simple black jeans and a purple crop top, with a big purple bow over her head. Jinx meanwhile was rocking pumps, wide leg pants, and a yellow T, her hair tied in a messy bun in the back while loose, wavy strands framed her face.
"I am loving the snug feeling of these 80s jeans." Nightwing appreciated his bad boy clothing, though was slightly uncomfortable from the wedgy was giving him. "But, fresh fashion isn't enough to change my mind. We still have to find our way to the mall."
"Oh, don't worry about that." Cyborg chuckled. "We have a way." The Titans stroll down the street in there purple 80s bikes, making sure to wear helmets and pads. It was a great use of cardio.
"Why did the modern children not partake in the wild good bicycles?!" Starfire inquired with a grin.
"Kids still ride bikes. Just in safe places like cul-de-sacs, or closed backyards, skate parks with the elbow pads." Cyborg explained. "But 80s kids were like free range chickens, going wherever they want to go. Now we just need to get to the mall." They stopped to talk about it.
"But how do we find them all without GPS?" Raven brought up. Starfire gasped.
"Are we lost in the same but totally unfamiliar environment of the 80s Jump City?!"
"No problem." Cy brushed off. "I have one of those foldable maps right here." The mechanical titan held up a piece of paper that looks like a pamphlet with mini folded sides. Jinx whistled.
"Man, I can't think of the last time I've seen one of those paper maps outside of tourist shops." Cyborg tried opening it, but it was surprisingly difficult, with how many sides and corners to keep track of, and once he got frustrated enough, he just crumbled it and threw it away. "Forget this map! Where we're going, we don't need roads." Looking off to the side, he spotted a bike path going down hill.
"Isn't that dangerous?" Nightwing asked. "There could be rocks, roots and small steps that could send us flying."
"Does that stop you from riding your motorcycle at top speed through the city and over the rooftops?" Cyborg smugly asked. Richard thought about it, and sighed,
"Guess not."
"Then let's go!" The Titans started going down the dirt path, but immediately regretted it when they start getting hit by branches and riding over rough terrain. "We need roads! They are a necessary evil!" Soon, they were able to reach the mall... by crashing into it at a high velocity. They broke down the wall with their bodies and bikes, and they shakily got up in pain.
"Ugh, good thing this is a virtual reality." Nightwing groaned. "This is why kids aren't allowed to ride bikes anymore."
"But hey, we made it!" Cyborg pointed to the inside of the mall, where cool teens walked around, minding their own business. "Welcome to the mall."
"Ooh, they have a goth gear store?" Raven became excited when she saw a store suited to her tastes, but Beast pointed out,
"That store ain'ts real, Rae Rae. Whatevers you buy from there will only last till the simulation ends." His girlfriend drooped down, disappointed, when Jinx bumped her side.
"We can go shopping for some goth junk. Just the two of us." The half-demon lightly smiled from Jinx's offer.
"Thanks."
"But I must admit, this is a pretty sweet mall in the 80s." The metahuman stated as the Titans stroll on through. As Starfire walks by, Sarah and Laura notice her and exchange a few glances before whispering to each other. Their expressions shift to surprise and disdain as they focus on her orange skin and green sclera.
"Oh, my god, Sarah. Look at that chick's skin tone."
"Yeah. She's freaking orange! Like, why would anyone have orange skin? Looks so unnatural and weird." Starfire heard these comments, and turned to them.
"Are you referring to the me?"
"Yeah, I'm talking to you. I'm just surprised that anyone would be orange! What, did you get spray-tanned or something?"
"For real, it looks so unnatural and weird. I mean, I'm just curious, are you some kind of alien or something? You certainly don't look human." The Tamaranean was hurt by these comments.
"I mean, I am alien, yes. Tamaranean. But do I not look the human enough with the slim body and the big, poofy hair?" Sarah and Laura looked her up and down, judging her.
"I mean, I guess you do. You don't look too weird."
"Yeah, and your hair is nice. But it's still kind of weird that your skin is freakin' orange. I've never seen anything like that before. You even got green eyes! It's just a little freaky, you know what I'm saying?" This was causing the warrior princess to get angry.
"I politely ask that you stop with the hurtful comments. I am just trying to shop in the mall to do the shopping. I cannot help how my skin and eyes look." Sarah scoffed.
"Wow, okay. Maybe don't be such a freak about it and people won't be as critical."
"Seriously, that's the dumbest excuse I've ever heard. Your skin is freaking orange, girl. And those eyes? Don't even get me started. You can't just use the whole "I'm an alien" thing as an excuse, because there are ways to fit in better." Now Starfire's eyes started to glow green with energy.
"Stop making fun of me! Or I will-" Raven put a hand over Starfire's padded shoulder.
"Just walk away Star. It's not worth it." The two girls left Sarah and Laura behind, before the latter made one last jab.
"Yeah, go back to where you came from, Tangerine-ean!" The girls laughed while Starfire began to cry, her neon green-yellow eye shadow running.
"Whoa, what happened Star?" Nightwing saw his girlfriend was distressed, and came over to her.
"Girls were picking on her for being an alien." Raven told him.
"I-I have dealt with xenophobia from citizens of pr-present Jump City, but these-these girls were especially mean. I cannot he-help how I am." Richard hugged her, trying to be supportive.
"There's nothing wrong with you, Kori. That's just the problem with the 80s. People are only positive and friendly to those that fit in. Heck, every decade before and since still struggles with racism and xenophobia." The Titan leader started to guide her to a store. "Come on, I saw this fro-yo store we could eat at. It may not be real, but I'd imagine it'll still taste good." Starfire sniffed, before lightly smiling.
"I would like that very much."
Meanwhile, Cyborg, Jinx and Beast were trying to find the record score. Jinx wasn't liking all the advertisements catered towards men, and stereotypically feminine products.
"Sheesh, this mall is killing me here. What's with the emphasis of leotards being so tight and revealing?"
"It was a decade famous for work outs and keeping a healthy, trimmed figure." Cyborg told his girlfriend. She scoffed while crossing her arms.
"Whatever."
"Look, dudes! Jump City Jams!" Beast pointed out the store, and ran inside, only to be overwhelmed by hoe many records there are. "Whoa! There's, like, a million-bajillion of these in here! How we supposed to find your favorite record?!"
"We can find where generally is by just going by genre. Umm... let's see. Alternative rock, contemporary R , country-aha! Dance rock! And here it is! B.E.R!" Cyborg took out the cover.
"Why's that your favorite?" Jinx asked.
"It gets me pumped up whenever I hear it! It was 40% written by Carl Burnett, 40% by Franklin Enea, and a sweet, sweet 20% by William J. Reagan! When I hear this song, anything is possible! It was one of the things of the 80s that changed my life for the better."
"Cy, just saying who wrote the song doesn't tell us anything." Garfield pointed out.
"I'll show you two what I mean once I win the bet and we get out of the simulation." Just as they were about to leave, some guy from a posse approached Jinx and tried hitting on her.
"Hey there, cutie. What's a beautiful girl like you doing in this here record store?"
"Excuse me?" Jinx asked, sounding irked, but kept her composure.
"Oh, come on. No need to act so stuck up. We're both adults here. Why don't you come here and give me a little kiss? I know you want to, sweetheart. I can tell." He smacked her butt.
"Hey, she's my-" Cyborg was about to defend Jinx, but she placed a hand on his chest, her eye twitching in irritation, but putting on a sly smile.
"Okay. Close your eyes and pucker up." The pink haired heroine said as she put pink lipstick on.
"Oh, I like a girl with surprise." He closed his eyes and leaned in with his lips out. After the guy closed his eyes, Jinx reeled her leg back, before kicking him in the crotch as hard as she could with her foot. "Aah! What the hell is wrong with you!?" He yelled out in pain and shock as he fell to the ground, clutching his crotch. His expression shifted to one of anger and he looked up at Jinx with rage in his eyes.
"That's what you get for treating me like a plaything than a person, you jerk!"
"I've had it with you girls acting like you're better than us guys! But I know how to fix that." He stood back up and started walking towards Jinx in an aggressive manner.
"Oh, we act like we're better?" She asked sarcastically as she acrobatically flipped over the guy, clamping her legs around his neck, then twisting to send him back down onto the ground in one fluid motion. She lets go to beat on his face with her fists. "You men think you can just beat on women all you like, like we're nothing! Like it's your right to! See how you like it, you degenerate punk!"
"Aaagh! Damnit!" He escaped from her punches and struggled to get back on his feet. His expression shifted to one of pain and disbelief as he was assaulted and looked at Jinx with fear and desperation. "Please! Stop! I'm sorry, okay? It was just a joke! I didn't mean any harm!" His demeanor was one of pleading, fear and surrender as he attempted to hold up his hands to defend himself from Jinx. He lay on the ground in pain, defeated and humiliated by her. The witch smiled as she stood up and smoothed out her clothes.
"Hmph, that's better. Don't mistreat women again, or I'll be back." She turned to her awestruck friends, brushing strands of hair out of her smiling face. "Now, let's get Cy's album. I'm about done with this place." She snatched her boyfriend's album as she went to check out. Her guy friends followed her.
"Well that was... intense." Victor pulled his collar. Beast asked Jinx,
"You doin' okay, Jinx?"
"Never better. I don't care if he was a solidified AI or not, that was deeply cathartic." The pink haired witch sighed, like when one releases all their stress in a breath of relief. Once they had the album bought, they went to find the other Titans enjoying some fro-yo.
"Hey Nightwing, I win! Admit it! The 80s were the best!"
"Wow, you found it? Thought it would be harder and take longer."
"Thankfully, it was under Dance Rock, with the band being B.E.R. Let's head back home." So the Titans went back, and listened to the album on a record player, giving the song that authentic sound of retro music. "Listen to those pops and skids. You don't get that on a digital download, my friend."
"Alright, I admit it. I guess the 80s were the greatest decade." Nightwing relented. "How about we leave now so that we can enjoy our decade?"
"Sure, I already have a cassette tape of this song. It's just cool listening to this on vinyl record on a record player." Cyborg turned off the simulation, and the Titans look how they regularly look. "Man, adventure was radical."