Enjoy! Chonky chapter this week!

! WARNING: Explicit content, very dark themes, implied Gr*pe scene (it happens, but the more graphic details are left out), this is about as dark as it can go and will go.

ROBYN POV

The routine continued. Day after day.

As they left Levi to sleep, readying him for the new day of mind fuckery, I wasn't allowed slumber. Until literally passing out, it wasn't allowed. Beyond snatched minutes here and there, that's too good for me apparently. They spat at me, continuing the punishments as they demanded information. When not droning on about this bastard 'phrasing' of Vincent's, they ask about the Commander's plans, about Eren's abilities. They wanted everything. About Mikasa, about her talent, and any weaknesses. They want to know the layout of HQ, and where Annie was being held. Anything, and everything. And that bloody phrase. Key words. Madness.

I gave them nothing.

I blabbered nonsense; telling them all about the pixie infestation, and Hanji's terrible habit of riding on unicorns whilst the rest of the cadets got buzzed smoking Titan bones. After some time they realised they weren't getting anywhere, so they stopped asking. But they didn't stop anything else. Beatings, no rest, barely any food, and always that phrase. Give us the phrase. We want the phrase. What is the phrase? But I didn't know it, I knew nothing beyond a few vague connections to the word 'blood'. But if I said that, they'd assume I knew the rest. And I didn't. I really didn't. Eventually, when sick of tasting my own blood and hearing my stuttering pulse in my ears, I asked why they were keeping me alive. Just kill me. But understandably they're as tight lipped as myself. They wanted that phrase. And they wanted to finish building those false memories for Levi. Whatever they're for. But once that's done, they'd kill me, right? They wanted to. But if that meant they couldn't use me to hurt him anymore? Fine. Kill me. Make it stop.

Time blurred.

Blackouts came and went. Concept of place or self faded to nothing. I became a husk of panting pain. Eventually though, I was carried from the small dark room. The first time they'd moved me, I think. Unless they'd been drugging me too. I couldn't rule it out. Nothing was certain. I groaned as they dragged me, feet scraping on the floor. Eventually we reached a set of cells, and I was abandoned to dwindle in a pool of my own blood. My hands, and feet were unbound at least. I sprawled out. Enjoying a slice of freedom, but cringing against the cuts clustered at each wrist, and ankle alike.

Lying there, my breaths rattled. They'd definitely broken ribs that time. Much more, and they would successfully puncture my lung. I shuddered at the idea of them making Levi watch that, blood bubbling up my throat as I drowned in my own fluids. Then again, my healing might trigger at that point. Maybe they wanted that. If they knew about it. It was hard to care about anything but the next breath at that point though. But should I be focused on that? Would it not be better to whack my head off these flagstones? To stop Levi's ongoing torture?

I sighed.

As the days continued, I had noticed the lessening of his concern. During the playout of each 'memory'. He retorted less. He fought less. Perhaps he cared less? Maybe the mind games were working. Whatever they were planning, it was getting off to a good start. Then again, that also meant it was hurting him less when they butchered me. A silver lining. Yet, now I hoped they just got it over with, and finished me off. I couldn't endure much more. My body could only lose so much blood, and my mind could only endure so much pain.

But then I gritted my teeth. No.

That weakness was their doing. I had to hold on, to get out, to warn the Commander how these people were messing with Levi's mind. I didn't know how it played into the Corps, but it had to be to bring it down. Whatever it was, I had the feeling it was more than a sick game. But I also had to hold onto Levi. He could still come back. I couldn't abandon him. Not now.

But my brain wouldn't work. Why was this being done? How would it work?

LEVI POV

Time became abstract. He could barely tell where one day began and another ended. The drugs, the noise, the beatings, the almost constant darkness. He did his best to keep the past behind him, to not let old fears of fallen cavern walls and intombed buildings crawl up the back of his neck. Claustrophobia was hardly unexpected of someone who had been born and bred in the Underground, but it hadn't bothered him for years. Now? It sat on his shoulder, pecking at him every minute. So small. So weak. So powerless.

And Robyn, she kept fading in and out too.

To begin with it had been horrifying to watch the sickening displays of brutality towards her, to watch her flinch back from the strikes, to see how hard she tried to choke back the cries and swallow the screams. Every new bruise ached as if it were on his own skin. Every cut burned. Every drop of blood made his own boil. But as the days passed, and the words sunk in, he wondered if it should matter so much. She had lied, hadn't she? Betrayed them all? No. No that wasn't real. It was their falsehoods, their tricks. Robyn was everything good and beautiful, she brought him back to life, gave him the ability to feel again. Didn't she? Or… Or was that all to lure him in? Make him a pawn?

More darkness.

More drugs.

More memories began to surface. Of her knelt before him, being questioned. Of her grinning at him, her auburn hair moving away from him. The laughter. At him? With him? It was hard to tell. It was all so blurry now, so unsure. What had happened? He tried to look back, but it was all fire and smoke, steam and screams. Shiganshina. Had they got back there? Yes. And lost so many. Why? The Shifters. The enemy. The ones that Reiner, Betholdt and Leonhart… No, Sanshi. She had been working with them. Dammit. She was with the Beast the whole time? Laughing behind Levi's back. Sneering at his struggle, his loss, his pain. Dammit. Damn them.

Damn… Damn her?

They dragged him back into the room, the woman with the soft voice always nearby but never in sight. She laid a hand on his shoulder. She spoke of the future. Of everything he could reclaim from Robyn's lies. The Sanshi rat that had scurried into his bed and fooled him.

The woman knelt close, lips near his ear as another injection was given. "You will see clearer with this, Levi. It will all make sense. Just watch. Watch and listen, yes?"

He groaned, barely able to string words together. It wasn't needed, he guessed, all he had to do was learn, listen and realise the truth. He nodded.

She hummed, squeezing his shoulder. "Good, well done, Captain."

Right. Captain, duty, soldiers, regiment. Things that made sense.

Step by step, piece by piece, plan by plan.

Scuffling approached, a few huffed groans and more scrambling sounds like bare feet dragging and pushing against the floor. A strike. A slap? A small grunt and then into the pool of light she fell into view. Or at least, a version of her. Auburn hair, once so silken with hints of gold, now ragged and dulled. Strewn across her bruised face, dirty, stuck to blood, sweat and tears. Her lips, once plump and smiling, a home for warm words and infectious laughter, now? Chapped, thinned with withheld cries and split, revealing bloodied teeth as she pulled them back. And her eyes. Hazel, warm, beautiful pools he kept finding new shades of green, gold and brown in whenever they stood speaking in the sunshine. Now? Cold, glazed by pain or exhaustion, narrowed in suspicion as she looked around the pool of light, probably waiting for the next onslaught. But the pain he felt in his chest was less. He had learned better, hadn't he? She was so beautiful and that was all part of the trick. Now he saw her brought low. Yet he still wanted to help her, the weakness remained.

"Well, come on then…" She snarled, looking around, clearly blind to where they were stood in the shadows. "Get on with it! Hit me, hurt me, fucking question me you shitheads. Whatever it is just do it! Stop fucking about."

She aimed for intimidation, that much was clear, but he saw the wobble to her lip, the uncertainty enter her gaze. Afraid. She was afraid like a child. Like she had been so many times before, only showing him because she trusted him so. He shivered. If she was fooling him why be so openly vulnerable? He shook his head. Part of the trick. Part of the lie. Right? Or was this the lie? Another injection. He groaned.

"L-Levi?"

He swallowed hard, leaning forward, trying to think. Was she the woman he thought he knew? The one he had confided in, trusted in, hoped for better things with. Or was she the viper these people were saying she was?

"He's wavering." The soft voiced woman sighed and clicked her fingers.

The chains on Robyn were pulled tight and she went wide-eyed, choking on a cry as she was wrenched back into the darkness. Scuffling, struggling, whimpering. Another thud. A harder one.

And then came the next story. Of how Robyn snuck into the training camps, fucked her way through training, bribed the higher ups, used anything and everything to get to the Scouts, and to get to him. Because she knew how close he was to the Commander. To keeping tabs on Eren Jaeger. It had nothing to do with Levi, he didn't matter, he had been her pawn.

Levi shook his head. She can't have known about Jaeger, he wasn't in the Scouts till long after she had joined. The voice soothed him. Corrected him. Sanshi had known, she and her father had known what was coming all along. She had been working with the other Shifters, the Colossal, the Armoured, the ones that set it all in motion. And she had to be stopped. It all had to be stopped. Sanshi rats. They had to be stopped.

"Or… O-Or what…" He panted, skin feverish, mind swimming. He didn't understand.

The voice cooed. "Do you believe?"

"Or what?" He repeated, voice hoarse, eyes tired.

The voice sighed. "Or it all comes crumbling down. You want to protect them, don't you? The Queen, the orphanage, the people still within the Underground city?"

He nodded. Of course. He had to make it worthwhile, he had to atone for the fact he was alive while Farlan and Isabel were not. His mother, dead. His friends, dead. Erwin, dead. All of them. Oluo, Petra, Eld, Gunter; dead, dead, dead, dead. He had to make that right somehow. Worthwhile.

The voice breathed softly. "Then you have to end it."

"End… it?"

"End her. Break her cycle of control, or else it will all burn. Everything you've protected, atoned for, made worthwhile. It's gone."

"How do I… stop it…"

"You know how, Levi. Come now, do not be naive."

Another click of the fingers.

He looked ahead, the pool of light suddenly filled with movement. A figure, much like himself, maybe it was himself, stepped forward. A woman, with Auburn hair grinned, Robyn? Maybe. It was all so blurred. She turned to the figure of him, tilting her head, swaying her hips. And then he gripped her neck. She cried out, she gagged, she struggled. Snap. She died.

Levi shivered, his whole body going cold. "R-Robyn…"

"Sanshi." The voice hummed. "The weapon doesn't matter, Levi, you are the key to this. You are the weapon. You are the way to save it all. Don't you see? You can make it all better, fix it all, redeem yourself."

Trembling shook him to his core and as the auburn hair went limp, pooling against the stone like fresh blood, he hung his head and rested it to the stonework. None of this made sense. He loved Robyn. He would have gladly laid down his life for her over and over again. How could that be built on so many lies? How could he have been so fooled?

"Run it again. As many times as it takes." The voice spoke to someone else, but kept moving long fingernails against the back of his neck. "Bring in the others if you must, we need him to see the truth."

KEZA POV

It had almost been two weeks, and we were all losing our minds. No trace. Small threads to follow, and no one was sleeping while we had that to cling to. Armin did his damndest. At first I suspected it was out of guilt, of the fact I asked, but no. He was fuelled by love. He adored Robyn in his own way, all the cadets did. I did what I could, making tea, keeping notes organised, keeping them fed. But really that was the extent of my ability. I had sent out my word to contacts, but so far none had got back to me. And I couldn't go looking. It would attract too much attention, not that I really believed we weren't being watched already. Hanji agreed, the new Commander completely on the same page as me. Levi and Robyn had been taken, and most likely by this White Cloaks group. Whatever their plans were, Levi and Robyn were key players.

Through a more thorough search of their apartment, a ring had been found.

Simple, beautiful, and in a small leather pouch. An engagement ring. When Hanji handed it to me, my knees had buckled, my sorry self only kept upright by Eren being nearby to catch me. Good kid. He sat me on a chair and they left me to stare at that small ring of metal. That glittering gem. The promise of what might be, of optimism, of a future. Had he asked? Had she said yes? My mind fizzed, my heart ached and my tears fell.

Numbnuts… Robyn… Where the hell are you? Why can't I find you?

Hold on damn it.

Please. Don't go dying in the dark when you'd finally started to enjoy the light.

ROBYN POV

Keza. You doing okay? You still visiting Erwin's grave to talk about all this? You assumed I made a run for it with Levi? Nah. I wouldn't do that to you. Not my Keza. Levi wouldn't run without word either. Not from the Scouts, not from Hanji. We had so many to love, to hold onto. Were they looking? Of course. And yet, lying there on cold stone, I have to admit to starting to hope they might not. Accept we're gone, guys. Don't be tormented by this. But it's fleeting. Like a brisk breeze brushing my neck, not that I'd felt fresh air this whole time. Still, the weakness was fleeting. They would search and they would find us. Or at least him. My own submission, my own hopelessness for my own life had sunk too deep at that point. I'd accepted it, I think. Maybe?

"Don't suppose you feel like talking today, Sweetheart?" That cold woman's voice filtered into my cell. So far I'd snatched a few details – she had full lips, long nails, brown hair that seemed to be shoulder length, and she was in pretty good shape. But these were vague concepts clutched at whenever she stepped a little too close, or too much towards the light. I had no name. No solid idea of a facial build-up. Nothing but wisps. She was a ghost, but a bloody potent one. Even so, I clung to those details in the probably foolish hope she might one day be found to be punished.

I curled in on myself.

She waited.

I spat towards the door.

She chuckled. "Still won't tell us that phrasing, hm? Stubborn child. You know, all you're doing is hurting yourself."

"Pretty sure that's what you bastards have been doing." I croaked, and she laughed softly.

"One life is but a distraction in the grand scheme of things. You are a tool."

"Right back at you."

"You really won't give us the information we seek?"

"I can't! I've told you that." I hissed through bloodied teeth. "It's not my fault Vincent never shared the information, or drugged it out of me, or you can't fucking find it. This isn't on me. This isn't my problem. So fuck you. Let me and Levi go, fuck you and your plans."

Her glasses flashed in the lantern's light. Alright, glasses, that was something else. She never approached, just hissed venom from afar. I didn't know her, I'd never seen her face. But I'd remember that voice. I'd remember it till the day I finally made her pay. Till I heard it beg for my mercy, that mercy that had long since dried up, baked dry in my hate.

A long sigh left her, and I tensed. It was too soon for another round to begin. It was too soon. The bruises were fresh, the blood only just congealing from the last whipping. It can't be–

"Very well… Boys? Carry on, if you must."

I shifted across the floor, as the cell door opened. Three men. Hungry expressions. I refused my shrieks. A sick tactic, but I wasn't about to sell my regiment, no matter what they threatened me with. They stalked forward, shapes becoming dark smudges in my bleared vision. But I blinked hard to clear it. I had to see their faces. I had to know who to kill. Who to make suffer. If they did what I suspected they would, I had to know them, I had to find them. Two of the men walked round, and held me down by my shoulders, the third standing by my feet but out of kicking range.

"I can kinda see why Levi's so attached. Nice piece of ass. Seems a shame to waste it."

There was no way out. I couldn't hope to overpower them like this, and I could barely wriggle, let alone break free. Cornered. Like a rat. D-Dammit. Fine. Fine you fuckers. I'll at least make you remember me.

"Some advice, fuckhead," I hissed, looking up at him through a curtain of hair, giving a broad smile. He was still smirking but that scraggly beard trembled. "You better make sure I'm completely dead once you're done."

"The fuck you talking about, bitch? You wanna die?"

"If you do this? I'll hunt you down, and kill you like the rats you are. Only I'll do it slow. Real slow."

They pushed me down. No way out.

I tapped back into that old defence and tapped out, I sought the darkness of my own mind and let the world fall away. There was no use in kicking and screaming, it would just make their dicks harder. I was too beaten down and weakened to do more than wriggle. Fine. Do it. Have your fill you shits, I'll get you all, you'll pay for everything. But even with that sentiment, even with that practised 'safe place' in my mind, inside I shrieked in protest. I didn't want this. I had been trained, I was meant to be stronger than this now. But that was it, wasn't it? Sometimes it didn't come down to being strong, or good, or deserving, sometimes an evil bastard got lucky and you were the victim. A lump formed in my throat. The detachment pulled me away. My body was no longer my own, the pain no longer my own, the bruises no longer my own. It wasn't me. It was some other person. Not me. Not the little girl left to burn either. Someone else. Someone new. A new version stepping into place. Someone to look after in the fallout and patch back together. Don't worry, whoever you are. We'll look after you.

Tears escaped.

My breathing hitched.

Except it was me. It was my pain, my body, my dignity. And as much as I wanted to swear to myself that I'd make them pay for every bruise, for every greedy clambering hand, grope and grunt, I didn't know for sure. Would I make it to the other side? Could I crawl back from this again? It had only happened once or twice on the streets. I couldn't even remember how many times. I'd refused to. Keza might know. No, Keza would know. Like I knew for her. Damn it. Not again.

The only solace I had under their disgusting weight, the only thing I could cling onto was that they weren't making Levi watch.

They were swapping. Taking turns. Getting greedy for me, the barren body that wouldn't even bare the evidence of their crimes. Not in 9 months time anyway. But as they passed their broken toy, one of them stopped holding me so firmly.

Gotcha.

As if it were a rope to haul me from icy waves, I grabbed the small opportunity, and grabbed at a throat. Tearing cloth, and flesh. Someone wailed and fell back. Emptiness. It swarmed me and then came the numbness. The aching numbness of my body being left to myself again, but not the same.

"Crazy bitch!" They howled. They ran.

I laughed weakly as a lump of skin sat in my hand. My body burned. Between my legs seared. They'd stolen something from me, so it only seemed fair to do the same.

The cell door slammed shut.

I was left in the dark.

My first reaction was to laugh, to be thankful the damage was minimal. I think only two of them got a shot – as if that made it better. But as silence retook the small cell, and I considered that no one was there to listen, that laughter melted into sobbing. My body convulsed. I wanted to tear off my skin, to discard any remnants of those animals having touched me at all. I curled into a ball. Pain everywhere. Sweat clinging all over. Wet. Dirty. Disgusting. Small. Pointless. Useless. Weak. I tugged my torn shirt down to cover me as best it could. But it was no use. No hiding now. I gasped at the stale air.

Then I heard struggling. Someone was being restrained.

No.

No, please just allow me that much.

I peered from under my hair, tears making my eyelashes stick together as I hid. A pair of pale grey eyes made me tense. No. He was right there. Watching. Levi gripped the bars of the cell, looking like he wanted to rip them clean out the wall. Seemed like they hadn't completely erased his concern. Now I wished they had. He stared, head shaking back forth as he gritted his teeth, racked sobs escaping.

A hand patted his shoulder, cold voice smooth as ever, unmoved by his plight. "You see Levi? This is what you let us do to her. Remember."

"N-No…" he choked, slurred and coarse as he rattled the bars.

My heart burned. The woman wasn't human. I tugged my shirt lower, my breathing becoming thinner as I tried to think of what to do. Words escaped me. Thoughts struggled to join.

She continued, another syringe pressed into his neck. "Just remember this when the time comes. You let us do it didn't you? Hm? You were too weak to save her."

"No… R-Robyn… please… j-just… please…" he slid to the floor, hand reaching through shakily, dropping to the ground a moment later as he continued to shake his head against the memory being branded into place.

If I reached out, and said his name, he'd think I was pleading for him to save me.

If I ignored him, he'd think I blamed him.

So instead, I pushed my hair back, and smiled, lips still wobbling. "I love you, Levi."

But half way through my words he was hit on the back of the head, and sent slumping to the floor. For just a moment, as he heard my voice, a small smile had broken through the pain. I'd managed to give him a small reprieve? I held onto that idea. It was something. In that dark place, maybe it was everything.

A tutting noise came from the cold woman, and then Levi was dragged away. "Now, now. He's ours. Can't have you messing up our pla—shit. They're here." The glasses disappeared.

What?

What was happening?

Levi was dragged away. She ran. A lot of people were running, steps came and went. But even as my mind wondered at her panic, my heart couldn't bring itself to care what she had meant. It didn't matter in all likeliness.

Levi was gone. I laid my head back onto the flagstones. Useless. Pointless. Ruined.

Body, heart, and mind spent.

My mind drifted.

Weird echoes travelled, but I just ignored them, and focused on my breathing. Maybe I could actually get some sleep. He was still alive. I knew that much for sure. But the way he gripped those bars… I gagged. He'd seen it all. He'd heard it all. His grey eyes were so wide. The pain was still my own, it was still me that had been the victim, but that didn't stop it being horrific that he had been forced to watch.

Whatever they were doing, it was destroying him.

My poor Levi.

My Captain.

My love.

Echoes grew closer and the door to my cell was thrown open. It whacked off the wall. Aggressive. Angry. Hungry? Not again. Adrenaline flooded me. I scrambled back, screaming as my resolve shattered. No more strength. No more nerve. No. No more. Please. I couldn't take it. I was done. I couldn't fight.

"Stay the fuck away from me!" I screeched. "No! Please! Don't!"

The figure rushed at me and grabbed my flailing arm, I screamed as I'm injected with something. More drugs? I clawed at them, catching cloth, and a little flesh I think. Shouts echoed down the halls.

Was that gunshots? Was that Hanji's voice? Maybe Jean?

Apathy melted beneath my terror. "Hanji! C-Commander!" I screamed, throat burning. "JEAN!"

The figure huffed and threw me down into my own blood. I slowly lost strength, my screams dimming to incoherent moans. I laid there, battered and bruised in only my small tattered shirt. Covered in the marks of their various tortures, and still bleeding. I must have looked barely human. I definitely didn't feel it.

The figure patted my head. "Can't have you remembering our fun times now can we? This needs to all be a fun surprise. Sleep well, Sanshi scum."

Sleep dragged me beneath.

I had to remember.

I had to warn the Scouts.

I had to remember.

I had to save him.

Shit… What…

What was I meant to remember?

Through the haze I heard another bang. I heard shuffling. I heard familiar voices. But I couldn't respond, or even move. Either it was the bloodloss or the drug. Or both. I didn't know. Another bang. My cell door opened again. And then came a pause.

"Bastards…"

Someone picked me up. They cradled me to their chest as they walked. I smiled internally; Levi found me, wherever the hell I was. He was taking me home. Or had he just found me stinking drunk somewhere? I couldn't remember what was happening, my mind wouldn't let me settle on anything. Everything hurt. Lots of pain. Too much pain. No, this wasn't some drunken evening, something bad had happened. Levi held me close, and began to run.

"Robyn, it's all right, we have you. You're… Y-You're safe now."

That wasn't Levi's voice. Why was Jean carrying me? Where the hell was Levi?

I groaned as my head ached. What did I last remember? I was standing in a market, bright red apples, recently fallen rain, fresh bread. Levi grabbed my hand. We ran. We were caught. A ring? But where was Levi now? I had been with him… that feels right anyway. So what was…

"Just breathe, we're gonna get you out." I tried to respond, Jean's kind words made me feel safe. But I couldn't say anything. I didn't know if I was even properly conscious. "Just stay with us. Please. You can do this, I know you can. Be the stubborn ass we know you are."

I focused on his sentiment, and clung to what little consciousness I had. It took a while but soon cold air swirled around us, and he gave a gentle squeeze before laying me down. The cold hard wood of a wagon was beneath me. A cape was draped over me as I shivered violently, and careful hands tucked it round me, stroking my hair back as the wagon moved. But no one spoke. Not until I heard a sniff nearby, and someone kneeled beside my head. Another blanket was draped over me. Only then did I realise my legs were bare. Where was the rest of my clothing?

"Robyn? Shit, what've they done to you? Robyn, c'mon… D-Dammit, Numbnuts, you gotta pull through this."

Keza? She sat next to me and ran careful fingers across my cheek.

Another sniff. "What've they done? We'll get you home, don't worry, they ain't catching us now. Dammit, I knew I had to come along. Look at you, a right mess. Sh-Shit." She took my hand in hers, pressing her forehead to mine. "I'm so sorry, Robyn. We tried so hard to find you sooner. You'll know that, I know you will. I know it. I'm so sorry love, so sorry. We tried, we really tried."

She lay down and cried into my hair, apologising over and over. Begging me to wake up. Begging me to live. But I couldn't remember why she had to apologise, or whether my injuries were that severe. I wanted to roll over, and tug her close, to shush her cries and assure her I was fine. But what I really wanted to know was how Levi was doing. They'd presumably put him in a different cart. The one thing I could definitely recall was that I'd been with Levi wherever I had been. And this was clearly a rescue. So for whatever reason they'd had him separate.

Come on Keza, talk to me about Levi. Is he okay? Is he better or worse than me? Was I to blame for us being captured? Of course I was. I groaned as I accepted the fact this was probably my fault. There was a fluttering of hands, my groan having been audible, but nothing else. Fine. I needed to rest before I would get answers. I sought proper sleep. We were going home, and I couldn't move anyway. Everything could be seen to once I could move. Everything would be fine.

Right?

Aaand there we have it, the darkest point of the story I believe. That scene was one of the main ones I wanted to redo in a better way than the original, as this is more centred directly on Robyn's reaction/feelings rather than anything else. Anyway, onwards and upwards! Thanks for reading!

BeChillDarling: Honestly that made my day, I'm so glad you're enjoying this version as well as my other stuff. That means a lot! And thanks for continuing to chime in, this site has gotten so quiet lately. Really appreciate it! Cya next time