Cheeky extra update for you! Enjoy!

ROBYN POV

6 months.

Half a fucking year.

It's officially been 6 months since I returned, and my Captain was abandoned.

As we returned from our mission in the Underground, the wagon rolled back into HQ grounds and I slowed the horses, staring up at the building. Would it ever feel like home again? It had before my time with my Captain, of course. But I'd had Petra. Beyond that, I'd not known how happy I would be with the connection I'd formed with my Captain. I thought I was fine. And I guess I had been. But now? Now I knew what I could feel beyond 'fine', and it had been beautiful.

It had been a productive 6 months I suppose, killing time. Two successful missions, with Maria now being announced as free from Titans. The cycle situation meant more were appearing outside Maria everytime someone died, or at least, soon after, but at least we could reclaim the lands of Maria and ease the food crisis. My Captain should have been here for that. Should have heard the cheers, seen the uplift amongst the people and cadets alike. On top of that, I don't think we'd lost more than ten rookies in these last months. That's still ten lives lost of course, but considering the old ratios, I'm willing to call those small victories. I think I helped. I hope I helped. The rookies learned quick, they worked hard. But of course they're still new. Mostly I made it in time, pushing a little harder, a little faster. But really I couldn't be everywhere. I couldn't save everyone. I couldn't be as good as him.

To make up for his loss there's a lot more work to be done. On my part.

I needed to be quicker. I needed to be better. Somehow my blades didn't seem sharp enough, my movements not precise enough, and my efforts not quite good enough. My comrades claimed that I had become a machine, so fast and precise – that I'm pushing myself too hard. Not true. I had to keep fighting, to win, to keep the fire going until he finally came home. To make it worthwhile. So much red spilled over in the records of my time on this damned cruel world. So much. Red. And then when I looked back at that, my boots tracking the stains forever, came the anger. Burning. It ached in my chest, filling my lungs with the acrid smoke. Blood. Needlessly wasted, spilt, drawn, wasted. Damn it. Damn it.

Dust kicked up as I jumped from the wagon. The rains hadn't reached here clearly, but I'd give Hanji fair warning once I found her. Along with the rest of what we had found. Kenny. He'd made himself very clear, from day one, really. This was my doing. Sanshi's always ruined things. And he had warned me, he was right, he had warned both of us. But we hadn't listened. That small ring tucked into Hanji's desk drawer spoke of that much and more. We tempted fate. We threw caution to the wind and my blood had caught up with us.

At least I'd also confirmed that the White Cloaks still didn't have my phrasing, that key from Vincent to turn me into a puppet. For all his intimidation, Kenny had let slip. No doubt he'd make me pay for that, but it was hard to care. Even now, carrying my things back into HQ, nodding to the welcomes and smiles, I considered how to fill the time. Rookies wouldn't need trained right now, and no doubt the others had it covered. Maybe I could clean the stables, then I'd make sure the perimeter was secure. Keep moving. Keep functioning.

It was the only way to keep the shadows at bay anymore. The Underground had been as full of ghosts for me as any graveyard ever could. Down there me and my Captain had finally confessed our true feelings, down there we had the first inkling of a domestic life together. I'd started to daydream of what could be. Idiot.

Hopefully the nightmares would allow me a decent rest tonight. One night off couldn't hurt. Then again, that wasn't really how it worked, was it? At least I'd started managing to stop the screaming. Too noisy. I'd still occasionally see a shadow in the gap under my door, and clamp my hand over my mouth. Probably Hanji, maybe Eren. But they couldn't know the extent of it, it wasn't their burden to bear, I couldn't let myself cling to them. They had to believe in me. They had to trust I could do this. The sooner they did that, the sooner they'd stop worrying, and the sooner I could just shut absolutely everything out. Keza would be furious no doubt, but even she had to concede that after 6 months, there wasn't much else I could do, beyond forgetting my Captain ever existed. And she knew I wouldn't do that.

But it seemed my family had other plans.

The day after we had returned from the Underground, they snapped.

To be fair to them, I probably would have snapped long before this point. I was amazed at their patience, despite never voicing it. Saying it out loud meant it was real. Meant I had to face the fact it really had been half a year, or rather a day more than that now, despite the fact I was counting every day as another nail in the coffin of my ability to keep going.

But it was just another normal morning, and I readied my horse for a perimeter check. The only thing out of the ordinary was the Commander's horse already being gone, but I figured she'd have headed to the city on business. As Commander, Hanji had so many things to tend to. I finished saddling my steed, when Eren appeared. He was angry. I was about to carry on, ignoring his melodrama – assuming it was to do with Jean or something – when he suddenly lurched forward. Had he made contact, I'd have had the wind knocked out of me, probably scooped onto his shoulder. But I'm too alert these days. Too mis-trusting of everyone and everything. So I jumped back, kicked him away and grabbed a damn broom because it was the only thing available.

"The fuck're you up to, Eren?"

He rubbed his leg where I'd kicked him. "Trying to make a point. Hanji's left orders for us, and we're not taking no for an answer. So fine, I can't get the drop on you, but come with me. Someone else will do perimeter."

I looked around. "Us?"

"C'mon guys, I told you she was too fuckin' wired these days for that."

Mikasa appeared in the doorway, alongside Jean. They both stared at me hard.

Armin stepped into view next. "We just need to talk, Robyn. Come to the roof with us? Some privacy seems like a good idea."

I gripped the broom tight but straightened from my sparring stance. What the hell had they been thinking? I was kidnapped a few months ago, did they really think I wasn't going to still be paranoid about being grabbed? Then again, it might have been Hanji's suggestion to confirm that or not. I could have made a run for a window, but with all four of them watching me, it seemed pointless. Obviously they had something in mind. I could indulge them.

Following them up there, the rest of the HQ was still pretty quiet. Breakfast was still going on, the chattering and clunk of cutlery the main interruption to the morning's peace. A few crates had been brought up to the roof, presumably for seating. I sat. I waited: expecting them to speak. But no, they just sat there, watching.

My patience withered.

Still they stared.

Fine, I wasn't not playing their game, so I stood to leave. But Eren pushed me back down. Again I waited: again they stared.

"Is there a reason for this?" I sighed. He frowned, leaning in, watching me too closely. I took a deep breath. "Eren?"

"Are you ever coming back?"

"I'm right in front of you." I checked but there didn't seem to be any sign of Keza. It was usually her spouting that kind of stuff at me.

Eren glared. "Your body is, but that's it."

"I don't have time for your philosophy, Eren."

"You have no more duties today. We've all the time in the world."

I rolled my eyes as the others nodded. "Well I don't have much patience left."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Then act like it!" Eren shouted, on his feet. "Nothing even makes you blink these days! Jean and Mikasa said you got 'rattled' in the Underground but considering the situation you should have been in pieces. Faced with Kenny again? He was there when you nearly died in the crystal cave. But you barely flinched when he came near?"

Mikasa nodded. "You're numb, Robyn."

Jean smoothed his hair back. "I didn't like reporting on you like that, don't get me wrong, felt horrible. But at this point Robyn, we're beyond worried. You're scaring us. We know you miss him but shutting down is only—"

"Is the only way." I snapped, feeling the lid rattle.

Eren's eyes widened a fraction. I kept my lips pursed after that. Breathe. Just breathe.

They looked amongst themselves and Armin stood next, pacing, getting that look in his eye. I was in for a lecture. It wasn't particularly possible on a crate, but I got comfy.

He paused his pacing. "You're still trying to justify the fact you were saved, then?"

I blinked. Duh.

Armin continued. "So you still think we were wrong to act as we did, so you also blame us for the Captain's disappearance?"

I jolted. "Not what I said."

Armin tilted his head. "How do you conclude anything else? We were the ones that got to you first, we were the ones that left him behind. So if you're so hellbent on loathing yourself, Robyn, you must therefore also loathe us."

I closed my eyes. They were staring. I could feel it. But I couldn't let Armin wrap me in his philosophising.

Mikasa spoke next. "Please Robyn, we're just trying to help. Talk to us."

"It doesn't help." I whispered, shaking my head. "It's just empty words."

Armin chuckled. "No words are empty."

"Fine." I opened my eyes and stared at my hands, bloodied by my Captain's loss. "I miss him."

"And?" Armin encouraged.

I swallowed hard. "And I'm trying not to mourn him. I'm trying to deal with the guilt of failing him and this regiment, and of not being able to even remember what happened to him. But by shutting it all out? I can still teach, I can help the regiment, I can do my duty… I can breathe. I hope one day I'll get a fucking grip, and that I'll be able to let myself feel again, really I do. But right now I can't. Or I'll totally fucking lose it."

In all honesty I couldn't believe how steady I managed to keep my voice. But I did. And it looked like I'd kicked them all in the chest.

Jean swallowed hard. "And the only way to help would be him coming back?"

"Simply knowing something would help." I whispered, closing my eyes as Eren took my hands gently. "It's not like this will all be magically solved by him walking back in the door. It's not his presence, or anything like that. Of course I miss those things but… I still failed him, still left him behind. Still can't remember what the hell even happened. But knowing where he was, what was happening… It would stop some of the questions at least."

That first night in the stables, when Keza had confronted me. I'd been wrong to give into her sincerity. That had been a mistake. It had just made it hurt more when left alone in the darkness of my room. It was self-inflicted; but on the other hand, I could hardly have them beside me 24 hours of the day. So I had to shut it out, I couldn't depend on anything but that. Anything else would be beyond selfish, and I'd been selfish enough already.

"I know nothing, and that's what kills me. I hate to make you so worried, you know I do, but I don't know how else to deal with this."

"Kills you?" Eren repeated, swallowing.

I nodded. "I don't know if he's being tormented, tortured, simply held captive, or already six months de… I-In the ground somewhere. I cost this regiment its strongest soldier, and I don't even know how, or why…" I smoothed back my hair, and took another long breath. "But memories are flicking into place. Little bits so far, but they're coming back…"

Armin sighed. "Still not much though?"

"Nothing distinct, but eventually something'll trigger me. Something will click. I think… I think it'll be soon that I can look my comrades in the eye… I think, soon, I'll feel a little human again… I-I think."

"Really?" Jean didn't look convinced.

"Really, Jean… b-but I can't promise…"

"We know you can't," he nodded. "I appreciate it in all honesty. Can't stand when people promise shit they don't know they can follow through with."

I nodded, giving him a small smile. He'd always been on the same page as me in terms of 'no bullshit'.

He sighed. "Right, with that all sorted out, we might as well tell her now. Right? She opened up, that was the Commander's condition."

Mikasa nodded. "Yes, we should."

I looked between them all. "Tell me what?"

"Well…" Eren fidgetted.

I glared. "Eren, not the time for dramatic pauses."

I gripped the crate like I'll fall off the roof if I didn't. Had they found my Captain? Was he alive? D… Dead? In between? Eren waited for me to calm, which I did with some difficulty.

"He's alive, and he's coming back. Commander Hanji has gone to escort him here, that's why her horse is gone—" he caught me as I toppled forward, gulping at the suddenly thin air. Holy shit, my Captain was okay? But then, as I clung to Eren's jacket, letting this news sink into my now fizzing brain, I grew suspicious. I frowned at Eren, and he frowned at me; I think we're both thinking the same thing. Why had my Captain suddenly been let go?

After 6 months the White Cloaks had suddenly released him?

Or had he escaped?

Maybe.

But no questions, or explanations? Something wasn't right.

"Eren… this makes no—"

Commotion filled the compound, and we all went to the edge of the roof. The Commander rode through the gate, and close behind her, stoic as ever, was my Captain. I gripped Eren's arm. Levi. My heart thundered in my ears, my lungs filling with air properly in months. This was real. He was right there. He looked so normal; like they'd just been in the city for business, and returned the same day. Like none of this shit had even occurred. I ran. The others were close behind. I was well aware that Levi would probably hate me. Gods knew what they'd done to him over the past 6 months. But I had to see him. I had to at least voice my apology, even if it never gained forgiveness.

If he was alive to hate me, I could deal with that.

If he was here, able to serve whilst loathing me, I could deal with that.

I hadn't doomed Humanity, I could certainly deal with that.

LEVI POV

He was back home. Finally. It had all been such a manic blur, so much noise and confusion. Glasses had come to the large marble lobby, spoken to those strange cloaked people and helped him onto a horse. But he was fine. Yet, she kept looking at him like he was a ghost. And she wouldn't explain why. In fact, she looked confused as to how he didn't know. She kept mentioning six months. It hadn't been that long, had it? He mind fizzed at the idea, but it didn't fit. It hadn't been that long. Though admittedly he didn't know how long it might have been instead. It didn't matter. He was going home. Everything would be fine.

As long as he got to deal with their problem.

They passed through the HQ gate and cadets were eagerly waiting for them by the main entrance. They held the horses, helped them down, welcomed him back with big open smiles. He nodded. He had been known for his work, sure, but usually cadets dropped their eyes or shuffled back when he drew near. It was like they had genuinely missed him. Perhaps there was more to that six months claim that he originally thought. But it didn't make sense. His ears rang for a moment when he tried to think about it too hard, so he just put it down to a need for sleep. It could wait. Right now, all he could think about was getting inside, and fixing things.

It had to be fixed.

Properly.

As much as Glasses would be confused, as much as the cadets would worry, he had to take that chance. It had to be fixed. He had to make it worthwhile.

Hanji strode in, and the rest of the remaining team were gathering in the main lobby. The doors creaked open, and the crowd was impressive. More were still flowing in from the back. Did he just see a flicker of red hair? He blinked. Maybe. Pain threatened behind his eye, like a warning signal, but he ignored it. No time for weakness. The crowd gradually dispersed as Glasses made her way through, and he nodded to those clamouring to welcome him back. He and the Commander made their way through. Kirstchein, Ackerman, Artlet and Jaeger were all there, smiling and nodding. And another flicker of red hair. Levi slowed.

Was it her?

Eren stepped forward and shook Levi's hand, welcoming him back with sincere thanks. He then looked over his shoulder with a grin, angling, arm outstretched behind him. It was her. Auburn hair, hazel eyes, fake smile, lying, bullshit, nonsense, liar! Finally. It could be fixed. Fix it. Make it worthwhile. Fix it! Fix it.

"Captain, Robyn has been so wor—"

"Bitch!" He lunged to clasp his hands round her throat. Crush. Kill. Fix it. Stop her. Make her pay. It was her. Always her. Looming, chasing, killing. Her. Always her. But he missed? She had ducked aside, gasps rang up all around, eyes went wide. He tried again. She tried to dodge again, but he was too fast. Of course he was. He was Humanity's Strongest, and she was the enemy. She had to die.

Sanshi's head smacked off the ground in a pleasantly sharp noise, her pupils blowing wide as she clawed at his hands and tried to wriggle free. He tightened his hold. And then, when she saw his face, her hands fell away. She did nothing. She just blinked up at him, wide eyed, lips gasping uselessly. But her neck should have already broken. Was he holding back? Was he hesitating? No. No of course not, why would he? She was the Female Titan. She killed them all; bit Eld in half, snapped Gunter's neck, slammed Petra to a tree and demolished Oluo. She had to be ended!

The Commander and Eren tried to get him to stop. They didn't understand. The pain behind Levi's eyes was blazing, almost blinding him, but he pushed past it. That didn't matter. All that did was the mission.

It had been barely two seconds.

"You killed them!" Levi snarled. "You monster. It was all you!" He growled, his grip failing as more hands hauled him back from his prey and dragged him off. She lay there, gasping. Breathing. Still alive. "No. Dammit you idiots, stop. Listen to me. I have to fix it, I have to make it worthwhile. She has to die!"

Not quite the happy reunion... Cya later ^_^ Thanks for reading!