Surprise! Extra update!

ROBYN POV

I had no idea what they had been talking about outside, but at least no punches were thrown. Eren had kept his distance since, but he did seem calmer. And Levi… Well his demeanour hadn't really changed. In all honesty, he'd likely just been indulging Eren for my sake. But I could appreciate that. He was trying. The rest of the party rumbled along nicely, and the joy filled the entire house. It seemed like Keza was enjoying playing hostess, and as the wine flowed a little too freely, she came over to seal her reunion with Levi in typical Keza fashion. She threw her arms round his neck and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. For a split second, I expected him to wriggle free. But instead he confused me further by giving her a quick hug and even a kiss on the cheek in return. It seemed he was immensely grateful to her, and frankly I'm touched by their comradery.

My family was healing.

Sat in that house, talking, drinking, laughing, the hours flew by. Levi seemed content, and occasionally even smirked at the jokes. He was home.

But soon enough the night had worn on, and sleep came calling. Back to the carriages we went. I held Keza close in her doorway and thanked her for the evening. It had been a lovely idea, the perfect way to sweep away the past six months. She held me back and wished me the best. Though she did linger for a moment longer and ask about me and Levi's "intimacy". At first I was ready to laugh her prying off, but then I saw her gaze. She was worried. I hadn't told him yet. I did my best to reassure her, but it clearly didn't sink in much. She just hugged me again and reminded me to come to her if needed.

I clambered into the carriage with Levi, both a little fuzzy from the wine, and leaned into his side as we headed back to HQ. The ride was peaceful, and he held me tight the whole time. Occasionally his lips would press against my hair. Or his hold would tighten. No doubt his mind was full of noise for the time being. It likely would be for some time – between memories returning and him trying to settle back into his real life, there was a lot to deal with. But I only pried if he looked uneasy, otherwise letting him come to me. He set the pace. It was the least I owed him.

"You looked beautiful tonight." He murmured against my hair as we passed the fences on the outskirts of the HQ boundary. "If I didn't say that before, sorry."

I hummed. "You said it loud and clear with how you looked at me, don't worry."

"Mm, should still be said out loud though."

"Well then, thank you. And you looked very dashing." I sat up and kissed him lightly.

His own lips became a little more insistent, and apparently that was all the invitation I needed. Despite my fears, I also craved his closeness. We'd been sleeping in separate rooms, and apart from the odd peck or lingering hug, the intimacy hadn't been there. We both had our reasons, but it didn't stop my body aching. I tried to deepen the kiss.

But he pulled away.

Not angrily or anything, but with enough sharpness to make me immediately halt any intention of chasing after him in the small space. He stared at me in the gloom, expression softening to something like embarrassment. I waited, but he didn't seem keen to voice the problem. I could reach out that much.

"Levi, what is it? Are you alright?" I put a hand to his cheek, trying to make him look at me. But when he did I cringed from the guilt in his eyes.

He gently reached and held my chin, pulling me into a tender kiss. I was still confused, but didn't deny him. That wasn't an option. Not because I didn't feel I could say no, but because I desperately didn't want to. My arms wrapped around his neck, and I was about to greedily press for more when he pulled away again and put his forehead to mine. I went still, trying to ignore the sting. It wasn't that he was rejecting me, it was his fear. I pursed my lips, and ran my hand through his hair.

His eyes closed. "I can't risk it, Robyn. Not so soon. Not when I just got you back."

"Could we… I mean even just sleeping next to you…" My words struggled past the lump in my throat. Being beside him would help so much. Nothing kept the shadows away like Levi.

He ran his thumb along my bottom lip, his eyes following the movement. "We both know that wouldn't be the end of it. Even if that's what we intended."

"I guess… not…" I breathed, flustered by even that simple touch. It only confirmed his words of course, but it didn't ease my impatience. Not with him of course, just with the shitty situation. He was free, he was home, and yet he still felt so damned distant. They were still in control. Of both of us.

We would be back at HQ soon. He would walk away from me any minute.

I searched his eyes for understanding. "But Levi… Either it's a trigger, or it isn't. Be it now, or in another six months. By… By wasting time we let them win… Don't we?" I whispered, unsure even for myself at that point.

He clenched his jaw and I knew he agreed on some level, his hold moving to my hip, holding tight. "How can we be sure?"

"When are Scouts sure of anything?" I half laughed, half choked on the words.

He swallowed and nodded, leaning in again, eyes fixed on my lips. I met him halfway, claiming his kiss, pulling him closer until I was pressed against the side of the carriage. More. Tighter. We shared a breath between parted lips, my fingers tangling in his hair. He groaned, deepening the kiss, claiming me all over again. His hand shakily goes to the back of my neck, pulling me closer as I tilted my head. But all the while, he pushed against my torso with the other hand. Pull and push. I just focused on the skin to skin contact, his hands on my skin. He was there. He was warm. He was home. I whimpered as my eyes warmed with tears. Happy tears, laced with relief to have him again.

But still he broke away. Groaning as he fought base instinct.

"What if it is a trigger… What if I…" He gulped, hand pulling me closer still, and other hand still trying to pull away. "I can't risk it."

It hurt, but I knew I was just being selfish. I looked down at my lap, fighting back the silly tears. It was just the booze fogging my mind. I leaned away, peeling his hands off of me. "All right, not tonight."

"Don't think that I don't–"

"I know you do." I smiled, and put my hand to his cheek. Warmth spread through my chest as he leaned into the touch.

"I'm sorry—" I cut him off by pressing my finger to his lips. He smirked and nodded. No apologies were needed, not here. I then sealed the moment with a gentle, loving kiss as we pulled up outside HQ. I got out of the carriage and headed for my own room.

I had hoped he'd be ready, that he'd be able to chase away the shadows tonight. But we had to go at his pace. Because he didn't know why I might have my own reservations, and that was my decision to not tell him. I clenched my hands, readying myself for another night of battle.

"Oi! Robyn." He called down the corridor. I glanced back, and he smiled softly. "I love you."

I stopped and turned properly. "And I love you. Good night, Captain." I dipped my head and kept going, hearing his steps recede in the opposite direction.

Sweet dreams, Levi. Sweet dreams.

I miss you.

LEVI POV

He lay there in the darkness of his quarters, under the covers, waiting for sleep. It was cold. And quiet. The bed seemed enormous; compared to the small bed he'd had in captivity, then down in the cells, and now without Robyn's warmth. It was like he was drowning. He rolled over with a huff, determined to get some sleep. Tomorrow he would be back on full duty, and there was plenty of work to make up for.

But sleep didn't feel like visiting.

He stared ahead into the darkness, occasionally wondering if he'd drifted off, but he hadn't. If he had he wouldn't be wondering. He grumbled and raked his fingers through his hair. What a mess. It felt so good to have her have her touch running through his hair again, her body pressed so close, her breath against his skin. It had been so damned long. His mind wandered. The want in her eyes had been dazzling, the air of desperation between them as they kissed, her clinging to him and burning with every single touch, every gentle caress. The silken touch of her dress. How easily it moved. How simply it would have been to run his hands up her thighs, the material cool as it rumpled, falling away.

And he'd said no.

Levi laughed at myself as his frustrations surfaced, making his body ache. It was stupid, he was sure Hanji had been thorough in her studies. And yet the doubt remained. The triggers seemed to be heavily influenced by context, so until he was in that moment, he wouldn't know if it would be a trigger. And by then it could be too late. Still, her visage flashed in his mind, red lips parted as she breathed his name, eyes begging him to submit. And it didn't even need to be so overt. Every little thing she did had been driving him to distraction. The way her lips pouted before meeting her morning tea, the flush along her cheeks after a training run, the way her hair drifted in an afternoon breeze. The curve of her hips as she attached her blades, or the way those straps hugged tight to her thighs. And her hands. So strong and capable of killing, but so tender. The touches to his arm, the way she smoothed her hair onto one shoulder, or gripped the hilt of a blade. Everything. It made his blood simmer for her, made him want to drag her to the nearest supply cupboard and devour her. Push her against a wall, rip that damned uniform off and worship her. Make her cry out. Make that blush spread all over her pale skin, brightening under his lips as he relearned her body. As he tasted every inch.

It was something he'd have to face eventually, maybe he had been a fool. Maybe he should just go for it, let her have a blade under the pillow in case he turned psycho. He sat up, elbows on knees, taking deep breaths. That wouldn't work. She wouldn't use it. Even if he was choking the life out of her, she'd just smile up at him and say sorry. Or even if she did use it, she'd only wound, and that would only provoke his madness further. There was no way she would choose herself over him. Never. The idea made him want to vomit. He flopped back onto the pillow. What a mess.

His door creaked open.

He swallowed hard and gripped the sheets.

He begged her in his mind, to stop and leave. To not say a word and simply retreat back to the safety of her own bunk. He'd already said no and felt the sting of regret. If she asked again, or even slightly suggested it, he wouldn't be able to resist. He knew he wouldn't. For all his supposed strength, he had been denied the woman he loved for half a year. If she turned up now, he would lose it. No holding back. He held his breath. Time seemed sluggish as he waited. She hadn't spoken yet, maybe she would chicken out and go back to her room. Maybe she would just—

"Levi?"

That's all it took.

Her voice, whispering with concern and soft confusion. He was there. Out the bed, pushing her against the door, pinning her as he ravaged her mouth with his. The hunger won. He couldn't stop. Finally she was there. Under his hands, his tongue. Her warmth. Her touch. It was all there again, he could feel her. Their tongues danced, and as he tasted her fire, drinking in her soft noises of submission, he allowed himself to sink into that want. The burning ache for her fire that he'd felt since waking up to reality. His hands roamed, caressing every dip, kneading every curve, worshipping every scar and astonishing detail. He was smothered in his need for her. Their breathing was ragged as he hitched her legs onto his waist, ripping her nightshirt off in the next second. She gasped at the intensity, but kept up. Of course she did. She was astonishing. Her hands tangled in his hair, the sensation ripping a moan from him, melting into their kiss. She tugged impatiently. He let his head hang back, basking as she kissed, bit, and licked along his throat, panting his name.

He never wanted it to end. Just to hear those lips saying his name.

He whirled round and threw her onto the bed, meeting her there less than a second later. Their lips barely broke apart before being recaptured in scalding desperation. He was a moaning mess as her warmth spread across his skin, as her pulse fluttered under his touch. He wanted all of her. He needed all of her. The soft material of her knickers practically dissolved under his clutching fingers, discarded in silken shreds as he skimmed his touch along her inner thigh.

"Nngh... Levi…" she keened, kissing him deeply again. "I need you… Mm… please."

That's all it took.

His hands wrapped around her neck. He squeezed. His legs pinned hers down, his weight forcing her into the bed. She was powerless. Perfect.

No, no! What am I doing? Stop it, stop it you bastard!

Yes. Finally she would pay for her crimes. For all those deaths. For everything she had done.

No, she hasn't done anything! She never had, she never would! I love her. Stop this! Stop it!

Her golden eyes stared up in the moonlight, so wide and bright as her life was strangled out. Fear, despair, betrayal. And he revelled in it. He held tighter. Yes. Finally. Make it end.

No! You're killing her… Shit no, I'm killing her. Someone stop this, for fuck sake! Jeager come and do as you fucking said you would, why aren't you throwing me off her and breaking me apart. Someone help!

"L-L…evi!" She choked, red lips ajar in guttural gasps as her face flushed with the blush of suffocation. Beautiful. It was time to finally kill her. Time to make up for those lives she took, for the teams he had lost, for the comrades that would never come home. Time to make it worthwhile.

Please. Robyn, fight back harder, stop me… I can't... I can't do this again.

That's all it took.

The bones in her neck succumbed. Total surrender. Crunch. Her eyes blew out, black pupils swallowing gold.

No. N-No…

A small smile tugged at her lips. Her feeble struggle reduced to twitches of defeat.

Don't burn out. Don't you dare, brat! Don't leave me.

"S-so…rry." She wheezed before her eyes rolled back, colour melting into her skull to leave two white orbs glaring. Empty. Vacant.

Dead.

He screamed, toppling back into the dishevelled sheets, staring at her corpse as he convulsed with shivering. For a few seconds it was all he could do. The silence hung like a frayed noose. He looked at his hands, suddenly understanding how she had always imagined her own caked in blood, only now his were soaked in hers. They always would be. They prickled gently, a ghost of the sensation lingering after gripping that slender throat, and snapping that fragile neck.

Oh god…

His body went numb.

Shit.

His eyes itched with tears.

No, no, no, no, no!

His mind reeled.

Robyn don't, please don't.

His lungs ached.

Don't leave me again.

His heart hammered in his ears, splintering.

He scrambled over, lifting her into his arms, pushing the hair from her vacant face. Nothing. She just stared blindly. Mouth ajar in non-existent cries. He shook her, watching with sickening clarity as her head lolled against the lack of support. His teeth clicked together. He sucked in a breath. He cradled her head against his chest, rocking back and forth with only his own sorry panting to break the heavy nothingness.

What…?

You did it Levi.

What have…

You made it all better.

What have I done?

You made it worthwhile.

Heh... You're welcome? Cya next time!