Once the fight had been sorted, and all of the necessary discussions had, Severus found himself dragging his feet back to his office. He didn't want to think of the possibilities, but his mind kept pondering the questions. Would she still be there? Was Theodore gay? Why would they make such an arrangement? Surely, it would cover up Theodore's... preferences, but why Anna? Why not have an arrangement with anyone else? Why now?

As the knob turned, Anna looked up. The chess set was on the coffee table, each piece in its place. The office smelled of tea and the fireplace was lit. She immediately closed the book she had been reading and dropped it on the couch, rising to greet him. Severus refused to look her way.

"Why are you still here?" Closing the door behind him, he went to sit at his desk, desperately shuffling the papers for something to do. Those were already graded.

"I-..." A cold chill ran down her spine. "I thought... you'd want to talk, maybe?"

"I... don't," he finally said as he began looking through the curriculum for the third year.

Her eyes lowered, tracing the pattern of the stones that made the floor, and the carpet laid over them. Her hand clasped the velvet of her dress as she wrapped one arm around herself. A strand of hair fell into her eyes as she lowered her head.

"I should have told you sooner - I tried, but there was always someone around. I've accepted this deal so that my father and everyone else would be distracted and no longer keep an eye on..." She didn't know how to end her sentence. Was it alright to say 'us'? What were they, anyway? They were not a couple, because they could not be together, so then, what was this?

"You have..." he looked at the clock on his wall, "half an hour before curfew."

The girl stood there for a moment, trying to read him. She was looking for a sign. She used to be able to see some kind of hint about how he felt - usually in his eyes, or by the small irregularities in the way his hand moved when he was writing, or a suppressed sigh, or... anything. None of that was present now. The realization sunk into her mind.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. There was no reaction, although she knew he heard her. Anna breathed in but stopped herself before saying anything else.

Severus refused to look up. He knew she'd see his eyes filled with unspilled tears and never leave. For any reason, an engagement was still an engagement. At first, he thought it had been Siberius making the decisions again. Then, he thought maybe a deal had been made between him and Osborn. Not even for a second had he considered the possibility that Anna had agreed to something like this. Now, Umbridge nullified all of the hard work that has gone into creating this Assistant position. They didn't have that as an excuse to spend time together anymore. They didn't have anything left. That's when he noticed the date on one of the essays on his desk.

October.

It seemed like every day brought new restrictions. Anna didn't care much. She was rarely in any group, she didn't play sports, and she didn't try to change the system. She could only watch Severus through the worst month of the year. Small nips and cuts showed on his face. Dark circles and red veins told her he barely slept. The hollow cheeks made her want to take a tray of food every day at lunch and deliver it to his office so he could enjoy one meal in peace, but would she still be welcomed?

Thankful that the Slytherin House was far from the DADA office now occupied by Umbridge, Anna made a habit out of playing the piano in their common room. She would place silencing charms on the dorms so the students could sleep, and then play until dawn. Bits of conversation awakened in her mind that she didn't consider important before. Severus had told her at Chat Gris when they were talking about Regulus Black and the rest how much he enjoyed the music when Regulus played. He said it would give him a break, that he would focus on the music and on the homework he had to write for his 'friends' and forget the rest.

Selena asked her out on a few occasions. She mentioned a study group so they could learn Defence Against the Dark Arts. Anna turned down the invitation. She could barely focus in class as it was. She didn't need anything extra. Besides, she revealed to her roommate that she was well ahead in the study of that subject.

Severus attended the meetings without contributing. Dumbledore had little power left in the face of the Ministry. Lucius didn't want to intervene - it was convenient for Voldemort that the Ministry denied his return. He had time to prepare in silence, spreading like a disease, quiet and undetected. Severus had to see Theodore Nott proudly stating that Anna was his fiancee.

Images of Lily haunted his days and nights. He remembered James rubbing it in his face. He asked her out and she said yes! Such joy! Severus had punched the stone wall in his dorm until his hand swelled and bled. He always brought her up in conversation. James would come up to him and tell him how he was planning to go somewhere with Lily - the bastard went so far as to ask him about her preferences, and Severus replied truthfully, because Lily seemed happy, and he would have done anything to see her happy...

Theodore bragged as well. Every weekend he'd take Anna somewhere - theater and opera plays, museums, restaurants, and festivals. She always left with Theodore, hand in hand. If the boy felt particularly touchy that day, he would hold her to his side by her shoulders. He had the same arrogant grin James once had...

His door opened after a soft knock. Severus looked up. Nobody knocked on his door that way. When someone came, it was always because they needed something, and he was always the last option, so they would be much more agitated. Half expecting to see Dumbledore or Minerva, he set the quill on its stand.

"I'm sorry if I bother you, Sir," Anna barely let herself in. "I wanted to see you..." Avoiding eye contact, she noticed the chess set still on his coffee table, and the book she had been reading right where she left it almost a month ago.

Severus watched her in disbelief. Since when was she that shy to come in? Ah... yes, of course... she was engaged, and no longer his apprentice. He was still her Head of House, she had as much right to see him in the middle of the day as any other Slytherin, yet she didn't.

"...Can I help you with anything, Annelyse?" It pained him to act that way. There was a gap between them, stretching deeper and wider with every forced formality.

"Can I please stay with you, just for today?" Her arm sat over the waistband of her gray and green skirt. She was not in her uniform but dressed up for a date that was never meant to take place.

Standing, Severus gestured towards the two sofas and the chess set in between. He couldn't focus on grading, anyway. He had been trying to read the same paper three times already. Slowly, he stood from the desk.

Quietly, Anna went around the first couch so she could take her usual seat. She moved the book to the side.

"Does Theodore know?"

She looked up for a moment. "That I am here? I think he expects it."

"...How so?" Severus made the first move on the chess board.

"Well... he tells everyone we're going out, but Solomon waits for him there. I leave when they meet. He never asks where. Usually... I'd wander around because I know you don't want me here." Her eyes watched the board as she decided on an opening move.

His chest ached. "It's not that I don't want you here," he repeated the words, "but you should not be here."

"I know..." she said as she moved a pawn, "I should be in our family's crypt."

"Annelyse," he frowned.

"Sir...?" she looked up.

"You shouldn't talk that way." His hand hovered over the pieces.

"I'm sorry," she said without looking at him. "I wanted to know how have you been..."

"It shouldn't be on your mind," he signed. He couldn't find a single reason to burden Anna with the weight of his mistakes. He had already shared with her more than would have been considered appropriate.

"It is," she leaned her head against her hand. "More often than you think. I see you every day barely touching the food on your plate. You nip yourself when you shave. You look like you haven't slept in weeks. Everyone expects so much of you... Umbridge humiliated you in class the other day."

Severus signed heavily. "...Why do you pay me so much attention? Why, when I've told you so many times, do you insist on being here?" he asked cautiously. He didn't want to hurt her like he hurt Lily, yet he needed to know the answers.

The girl took a small breath and closed her eyes. This was it. There was nothing to lose when she'd already lost any hope.

"...Because I care about you. I... love you." Her eyes felt warm with tears, ready to be lectured on how inappropriate this was.

His eyes widened. The man couldn't remember the last time he had heard those words spoken to him. His heart skipped.

"But you are...?" he had to ask, but he couldn't say it. The word seemed so cruel in that context, so sharp...

"Engaged," she continued his phrase, "so that maybe we could be together in secret, and my father won't have a reason to hurt you. Foolish, I know. It's fine... I just know how difficult this month can be for you, especially this year, with everything going on, so... I wanted to know if I can help you in any way."

The veil of jealousy revealed itself as it fell. This wasn't Lily engaged to James. He should have listened earlier. He should have seen this sooner! He stood and took her hand, gently asking her to her feet and wrapping his arms around her. His throat was tight with nerves as he felt her clinging to him, unsure but needy, struggling to hold her composure.

"I love you more than you would ever know," he whispered slowly into her ear. "I love you, Anna."

Anna looked up and leaned her head against his. When it was slowly replaced by his palm, she let him tilt it up. Severus watched the glow taking over her cheeks while her eyes fluttered closed, content to exist at the moment. He inched closer, watching her lips again. How many times had he tried to stop himself from having such thoughts? How many times had he told himself she couldn't possibly return his feelings? It seemed so small and insignificant now.

Their lips met softly for the first time. Severus couldn't believe the way his body responded like that of a teenager. There was fluttering in his chest, his legs went numb but still strong, and a sense of accomplishment took him like a fever. He felt invincible, if only for a moment. The world was his, and nothing mattered anymore. Her hands moved from his chest to his shoulders, searching for one another around the back of his neck. He wondered if the rhythm he felt was her heart beating as hard as his as their bodies pressed together. He never wanted to free her from his embrace.

Severus looked into her eyes once they parted just enough to breathe. He didn't know what to say, or if he could even speak. He held one arm over her shoulders and the other around her waist. Everything for which he had stopped wishing was finally there, in front of him. Severus still partly expected it all to be a dream from which he'd wake any moment now, numb and empty inside, judging himself for having the nerve to think this way about her.

Her hand reached up to move a few hairs from his face. She traced her fingers down the side of his face, avoiding the small, red cuts from the razor. He signed into her palm before kissing it softly. Their hands tangled with each other.

Reality slapped him across the face. This wasn't Lily. No, not by far. This was a girl - a silly little girl with a questionable sense of right and wrong, who offered to be by his side in his darkest hours, who asked him genuinely if he ate, who worried about his lack of sleep, who saw him lose his temper and forgave him. Memories piled up in his mind like pieces of a puzzle he had been trying to solve the wrong side up. He wrapped his arms tighter around her frame, lowering his head over her shoulder. He had shown her how deep he was into the Dark Arts. She saw his Mark that he hated with his entire being. He had left her a hundred opportunities to run away, leave him alone in his darkness. He deliberately pushed her away.

"Thank you," he whispered into her neck, sending shivers all through her body.

Author's note:

Glad to hear you are enjoying the story, Guest! I hope to hear from you again.

I initially thought this and "The Losing Game" as one story, although it felt like a two-part later on. I am still deciding on the ending, or whether I should let the reader choose one of several. There's also one involving a time-turner that could open up the possibility of a third story.