THE FORGOTTEN
Upon the Hill of Cerin Amroth
Disclaimer: I don't own The Lord of the Rings or Morgoth's Ring. A Tolkien does. My last name isn't Tolkien.
Authors note: Warning: This chapter contains illusions to/discussions of past abuse and sexual assault. Nothing graphic, largely in elvish, but you have been warned. Oh this chapter… Oh this chapter… In its first incarnation it was a cringe inducing sap fest with more artificial fluff than the Stay Puffed Marshmallow man. Then I rewrote this whole thing and got rid of the cringe and toned down the sap and shoveled off some of the fluff and tried to infuse it with a little bit of vulnerability and natural awkwardness that can come with an introvert finally baring their soul to someone. Then… I honestly don't know what happened… All's I know is, at one point all the Elves living in my head were sitting around drinking and we were deeply discussing the nature of Elves in relation to sex and what must a society look like if it is perfectly monogamous with no chance of extramarital sex and does sexual lust exist within Elves. We also deeply discussed the nature of sexual arousal in Elves and the relationship of will, drive, impulse, instinct, and discipline. Surely at this point you are asking yourself – why, Faerlas, were you even sort of contemplating these things? Who cares? Give us fluff! To which my answer is – because I'm utterly ridiculous and am trying to keep this as radically within canon as possible. Because between when I first wrote this beast of a fanfic and now, I studied cultural anthropology and hermeneutics. Because I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to see what this world would have looked like, and the implications are fascinating! Because Legolas has been living in my head 20 years and we're old friends and I want a fanfic that does justice by him, and by Valar I will have it! Anyway, I said this story was a slow burn, and this chapter is the first payoff for your patience.
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They had an early breakfast up in her cottage and then quickly made their way down and out of the city before many elves were out and about. As Legolas predicted, they made very good time and reached Cerin Amroth by mid-morning. Legolas had insisted on carrying the basket the servants had brought for them, and decided to leave it up on the talan while they walked about a little while.
The flowers seemed to glow in the grass as the morning sun flooded the place. They climbed to the top of the hill and stood just within the first line of trees. They gazed about the place for quite some time, silent. Not wanting to speak, not needing to. A sweet breeze drifted by.
Lothril's gaze wandered about the landscape. Legolas' gaze was on her. The small contented smile she wore made Legolas smile. Her smile broadened as she turned and looked at Legolas. Legolas looked deeply into her glittering brown eyes. Her long brown hair hung loosely around her shoulders and gently stirred in the breeze. She looked into his blue eyes as they sparkled like a sky full of stars.
Suddenly the breeze picked up and blew some of her hair into her face. Before she could move her hand to remove it Legolas asked, "May I?" as he gently reached out and removed the tresses from her face. His fingers lingered on her cheek. They stood silent for a few moments. Lothril's heart was beating a little faster.
"Lothril," Legolas said, taking her hands in his.
"Yes?" she smiled. She could feel his hands trembling slightly. He was nervous and seemed unusually warm. Not just body heat, something else. She waited patiently for him to continue.
"Are you certain that you will return to Middle-earth?" Legolas asked. A faint shadow of worry was upon him.
"Of course! I must only go back for a short time, but I want to return. Why would I want to stay?"
"What about your family? Your friends? Will you not miss them?"
"Of course I shall, but I am willing to make the sacrifice. This is the place I belong. This is the place I have longed for, and here is where I want to be. Where I need to be. My family is loving and my friends are sweet, but I cannot go back to stay."
"So there is no doubt that you will return to Middle-earth?" Legolas asked. His eyes were pleading with her.
"No doubt. Although I am not sure where I will live whe..."
He cut her off. "Would you be willing to live with me?"
"I would enjoy living in Mirkwood," she replied.
"No, I mean with me. Wherever I may be," he said.
"What are you saying Legolas?" she blushed slightly. He loved seeing her blush.
He took a deep breath. "Lothril, I love you. I have loved you long, but I thought it would be ill timed to tell you while beset by so many perils. I nearly told you of my feelings when we first lay on the grass together in this place. When I thought you were dead I almost died of grief, for I loved you and had not let it be known and I did not know if you would return or if I would ever see you again. You have shown me the grief of death and the rapture of life. I can no longer imagine living through the ages alone. I love you Lothril. I want to be with you always."
A smile of sheer joy graced her face as she replied, "I love you too Legolas! How many weeks and months have I thought of you so dearly yet would not let myself pursue those feelings for fear they would not be returned, for how could you return them? It seemed almost impossible to me that someone so kind and gracious would love a silly girl like me. Yet, you do."
"Silly girl? Nay! You are anything but silly. You are enthusiastic and passionate about life and those you care about. You are serious when the moment calls for it, but you do not let the darkness that surrounds you poison your joy. I do not think you realize what a boon you have been to the Fellowship, or to me."
"Oh stop! You make me sound like a fountain of emotions spilling out everywhere I go," she said turning bright red and covering her face with her hands.
He reached out and gently laid a hand on her shoulder and she let her hands fall away so she was could look at him. "Yours is a quiet, deep enthusiasm and passion. It does not spill over, but rather stirs strongly beneath a calm surface. Only those whom you love you let close enough to see its currents and when they do they love you all the more for it and consider themselves blessed to be loved by you. I consider myself doubly blessed for you not only let me see, but let me touch upon its surface. I only hope one day you shall let me swim in the depths."
As he spoke they slowly drew together. His hand slowly slid up her shoulder and neck until his fingers became entwined in her hair. Her heart skipped a beat as he embraced her. Their faces drew closer together until their lips met.
She rested her head on his shoulder; enjoying the feeling of his arms around her once more. He smiled and played with her hair. She smiled and gave a contented her face towards Legolas she whispered, "That was my first kiss."
"Truly?" he asked. She gave a small nod. "Then I am glad I was the one to give it to you."
"Legolas, when elves kiss, do they typically feel what the other is feeling?" she asked.
"Well, yes," he replied. He was slightly puzzled at her question.
"No, I mean," she trailed off and tried to think of how to explain it. "If ósanwe is mind opening, then this felt like ófel, feeling together. I felt what you were feeling. In a way. I felt everything as you felt it, and what I did at the same time. Every thought and desire you had I felt. Is that how it is with you?"
He stared into her eyes then asked in a careful and neutral tone, "Were you perhaps feeling my fëa?"
She looked carefully into his eyes for a moment then closed her eyes in concentration and when she opened them, she kissed him briefly then said, "No, that is not it. Though I wanted to make sure. I can always feel your fëa whenever you are near me. You know that. Even with that brief kiss, I could feel your emotions. You were glad of it, but hesitant and unsure. The first one you were desirous and glad and relieved, and surrounding it all I could feel your love and affection and a sense of release. Simply standing here though, I feel your fëa as steadily and surely as I can see your face, but I cannot feel what I felt when I kissed you just now."
He thought over her words for a moment. "It must be the Maia in you. I wish that is how it was with me," he said.
"Oh. Is that why you felt hesitant the second time?"
"In part. I have never heard of such a thing before and I wondered – but your answer makes me think it must simply be a difference in our natures."
"It may be. I wish you could feel it the same way as well. I could try," she grinned back. She reached up and drew his head down towards hers and kissed him. That kiss was intoxicating to Legolas. Almost too sweet, too lovely, too strong for him. She put herself, everything she was, her love for him and more into that kiss. Her touch seemed to draw his heart and his spirit closer to herself. He wasn't sure if he could stand it, then again, he wasn't sure if he could stand giving it up.
She released him from that kiss, their breathing was uneven.
"Was I successful?" she whispered.
"I think so. If not, then I shall be content anyway," he whispered back. He had a small smile on his face and a glimmer in his eye.
"I am glad," she smiled, her eyes glowing.
They sat down, Legolas against a tree, Lothril upon his lap. She rested her head on his shoulder once more. He wrapped one arm around her and took his other hand to stroke and play with her hair. She loved him playing with her hair.
"Legolas, how long have you known you love me?"she asked after a time.
Legolas looked thoughtful for a moment before he answered. "It is hard to say. I have cared for you since we first met. On the road my feelings turned to friendship. Gladly did I take you to Imladris with me, and gladly did I teach you there. But when my feelings turned from friendship to love, I cannot say. I think perhaps it started when you asked me to name you. I thought long about you and your character and realized my thoughts towards you were changing. I do know that I have wanted to tell you since shortly before we left Imladris, and I nearly did, but I thought it ill timed. As I said before, I nearly told you when we first lay together here, but I refrained for the same reason, but losing you, or thinking I had lost you taught me better. I shall hold true to the purpose of the Fellowship, and I shall not ask you to turn aside from your road, but I shall ask that if all ends well, you find me again before you leave, if you may."
"I promise,"Lothril replied.
"What of you? When did you know?" Legolas asked.
"I cannot say exactly, except that I know I did before I asked you to name me. That was why I wanted you to. When I left you and Elrond to go make my decision, I spent most of the time questioning whether or not I was only wanting you to name me because I had a crush on you, or because I genuinely thought you knew me best."
"What was your conclusion?" he asked grinning.
"To be honest? It was both. But I decided the determining factor would be whether or not I thought you knew me best, and concluded I thought you had the better feel of my personality," she answered. "You seem to always guess instinctually things Elrond either learned methodically or asked about. That is what decided things."
He smiled. "Ah, so you have sensed the same things as I about our bond – that it is instinctual as well! You were so elusive the other night with your answer I could not tell, but now I see you have felt the same. It may have started with friendship, but even before we left my father's realm I was already starting to read you and we always seem to know just where the other is. You read me well too, I think, but you doubted yourself so you said nothing."
For a little while they walked around and talked quietly about things they had long wanted to discuss with the other but didn't dare before, laughed, kissed, and enjoyed the company of the other. Neither one had ever felt so content or so at peace in their lives. It was around midday when they climbed up onto the talan and had lunch and then Lothril asked Legolas to sing to her. He sang to her sweet, soft songs. As he sang she sat on his lap and rested her head on his shoulder and smiled. Could life be more perfect?
She gave a long, contented sigh. "I love your voice Legolas." she paused. "Legolas, remember that dream I had before we came to Rivendell?" He nodded. "Remember I told you I had something to tell you on a green hill, and I didn't know what it was then?" he nodded again. "Well, this was the green hill, and my telling you that I love you was what I had to tell you."
He smiled and placed a kiss on top of her head. "Am I still more comfortable than a tree?" he asked in jest.
She smiled. "Much more comfortable." After a few minutes pause she timidly said, "Legolas, would you mind being teacher again to me?"
"Of course not, my love. What would you like to know?"
She thrilled at those words – my love. "If our being alone like this is permitted," she said, half-jokingly.
He chuckled, "Permitted and encouraged. Anything else?"
"No, not right now."
She sighed happily. They were in the land with no stain, living in a moment with no flaw. The afternoon drifted by and the sunset slowly came. They got up again and climbed down out of the tree and began walking amongst the flowers as the sky blazed in purples, reds, and golds. It was during this walk that Legolas told her about a custom of the elves that was observed whenever possible. When two elves admitted they loved each other they would spend at least one day together by themselves. The purpose behind it was to be as honest with each other as possible and share secrets without worry of being overheard or interrupted.
"Are you sure that no one will disturb us?" she asked, sounding slightly skeptical.
"Very sure. Why?" He asked.
"If I am going to tell you certain things, I want to be sure that no one else will hear them," she blushed. "You will not tell anyone any of the things I tell you, will you?" she looked pleadingly at him.
He looked her straight in the eyes and said, "I swear to you that I will not tell anyone anything."
She gave a nod and began. "I want you to know, I had planned on telling this to whomever I became betrothed to before I ever came to Middle-earth, and so I would have told you regardless. However, as this is a nearly perfect opportunity to tell you, I shall tell you now as it is clear marriage is your intent. It is only fair that you know before things go any further. I will understand, whatever your reaction may be and whatever you decide to do after." She looked very grave as she said this and Legolas began to wonder what on earth she could possibly say that would warrant this preamble and her looking this serious. "And I apologize in advance – I do not know a delicate way to put this and it is quite shocking, especially to elves."
"Especially to elves? How so?" he asked, sounding very confused and concerned.
"Elrond told me it is not something elves deal with, so as with so many other things, this is singular to me," she answered.
She took a deep breath and said, "Ni neithan adh gwanur nin. Gwanur firiel nin. Othgant an nin. Lêmp nin mi rhód raeg. Pill na glanas nin*." As she spoke she couldn't read his face at first, it looked blank, but then slowly she began to realize it wasn't a blank look, it was a shocked and wrathful one. Pure wrath began rolling off of him in waves. "The day after that tea party in my room with you and Elrond it came out during the lesson. That was why he canceled other lessons for the next several days and why I was so reclusive. He was helping me confront and deal with what happened. It is why I hid from you by and large for several days. I could not bear the thought of you knowing– but I have come to terms with what happened. I honestly had no idea what had happened, I just knew it was wrong. I was so confused and so hurt I could not think about it, let alone speak of it; but I can now. When we first met I think I would have died before I told you, but I can speak of it now."
"How? How did it happen?" he asked, his voice sounding strained and honestly a bit terrifying.
She went back to the beginning and outlined the whole tale as succinctly as she could, and even though it was hard to discuss, she found she could and it was somewhat of a relief to know she could actually utter what happened.
"You have put it in too kind of terms," he said, sounding quiet and furious. "That is avaeth!"
She shook her head, "No, I think not. After he told me, I asked him if he was sure it was not that and he assured me from what he saw of my memories that that was not the case."
"You showed him your memories?" he asked quietly.
"At the time, I could barely breathe I was crying so hard. I had no real understanding of what happened either so even if I had wanted to tell him, I would have had to resort to showing him anyway," she answered.
"Tannog nin. Aníron tira, (Show me. I want to see.)" he said sounding grave and harsh.
She shook her head. "Please, I do not wish to replay these memories, and more than that, I do not wish to rob you of your innocence. They are a bit… graphic. If it were only memories of my…myself I would show you for I will marry you as soon as we may be married and I will be yours. However, that is not the case and I do not want you stuck with those memories for all time."
He stared at her a moment. "I do not think I could have accepted any other reason," he said in a much gentler voice. "But can you bear it alone?"
"Who is bearing it alone? I bear it with you and Elrond. He is a father to me, and you are my love. That is enough. The burden is so light now, I think it time I may forget it altogether and notice it no more than dust on my shoes," she answered.
"And no one knows this happened to you except Elrond? Not even your father and mother?" he asked, his voice sounding thick with emotion.
She nodded her head. "I did not know what to tell them. I thought it sounded too outlandish and crazy to be believed. I had no words for what happened, no proof, and a horrible fear of retaliation. What is more – the more I think through things, the more I wonder if she even remembers what she did. If she even knows. There are times when she seems very kind and other times when she seems to be another person altogether, and she is so very forgetful. I do not know the cause of it, but it is hard to bring charges against someone when you doubt your own memory because there is no indication of what happened from the one who did it to you. Even before when we were young and she was just being mean there would be a certain look in her eye. Other times though, she could look at me and her eyes were clear and bright and innocent. I wonder at times if she is not penind." (without inner thought, insane)
"That is no excuse!" he said very harshly.
"I am not saying it is," she replied calmly. "I am not making an excuse; I am merely trying to understand and sort things out. Anyway, the only ones in two worlds who know what happened are Elrond and you, and I should greatly prefer to keep it that way. As Elrond explained to me elves would rather have their fëa depart their hröa than be subjected to such evil, I will not hold it against you or think less of you if you decide not to pursue things further for any reason whatsoev-"
He cut her off by pulling her against himself and crushing his mouth against hers. She could feel his wrath, she could feel his grief, but she felt his love most of all. His love felt intense and consuming, like a hot burning fire. He let go of her and said, "I believe that should make my feelings quite clear."
She smiled and thought she might cry, but she didn't. "Yes, I think it does. Elrond said you feel that way."
"He did?" Legolas asked surprised.
"In a generic sense. He said anyone who loved me would not reject me over this but love me all the more for my strength and endurance," she answered.
"He is right. I am in awe of it. Knowing now the darkness you have seen, it makes the light within you shine brighter and confirms to me I named you rightly. You shine brightly even when the light has gone, my dearest Lothril."
They held each other for a while and said nothing. After a while Lothril spoke again. "There is more I think I ought to tell you, but worry not – that was the worst of it! I just think you ought to know."
"Ought to know what?" he asked gently.
"Well, Elrond thinks it is partially a result of what happened, but I am not so certain. In any event," she broke off and whispered the rest in his ear.
To her surprise he laughed. "You will never cease to amaze and amuse me, Lothril! You choose to whisper that?! That is at worst vulgar and a bad habit! And given one of the reasons why you did it – I cannot say I understand beyond who wants to be in pain if a remedy is available?"
"That was more or less what Elrond said. He said he reckoned it a bad habit and in danger of skewing my expectations and views of things later, but over all he did not seem to think much of it, outside of trying to help me disentangle it from what happened. However, it was a thing, it is somewhat related to what happened to me, and therefore I have told it to you," she said.
"In any case, I will take this moment to let you in on a secret – most elflings engage in some manner of self-exploration while they are still growing. It generally doesn't last more than a week because once we get an idea of things we move on with our interests. I think I did between learning to tie knots in cherry stems with my tongue and studying how my hands move," he said, and thought a brief moment and added, "Yes, that was all the same summer."
"You can tie cherry stems in knots?" she blurted out, trying not to blush.
He nodded. "Yes, it was a particularly good year for cherries and Grandfather had a small orchard of them planted. Everything was cherries for months. In any event, by the end of the summer I had figured out how. I got rather good at it too." he answered.
She turned bright pink. "Just how old were you at the time?" she asked.
"Oh, I do not remember. I was young. So, is there anything else I ought to know?" For the life of him he couldn't puzzle out why she was blushing over him being able to tie cherry stems in knots, but as so many mysteries and riddles were being solved today, he decided he would save that one for later. He did love a good riddle, and she was his favorite source of them.
"I am not overly fond of beef, I despise pot roast, and I hate the taste and texture of cold butter which is why I almost never put it on toast because the toast here it is not hot enough to melt the butter by the time I get it. I prefer the company of men to women as I have never in my life been very comfortable around other females. This goes back to my earliest recollections. Elven women seem far more sensible, but human women can be very emotional and irrational and only ever talk about clothes, hair, makeup, men, pregnancy and childbirth, and strange things their children do. I confess to you now, very little of that interests me – except clothes, but my interest lies more in the making and fabric. Back home it is focused on what people are wearing and if it is fashionable. Oh, and I suppose I ought to mention, I have no objection to having children, but it is also not one of my great life's ambitions. If you decide you desire to have children, I shall gladly bear you as many as you wish and I am certain I shall enjoy my days of mothering, but I have no burning desire for children as some women seem to."
Legolas laughed. "Oh, the way you prioritize things! Clearly your dislike of beef, pot roast, and cold butter is of the upmost importance to our future lives together! I shall do everything within my power to make sure your beef consumption is kept to a minimum and that you never suffer through pot roast and cold butter on your bread. And I guessed you preferred the company of men, as the only woman you managed to befriend in Rivendell was Arwen, despite me introducing you to several of my melyn ellith, but I did not know your feelings about children. But that is something we need not trouble ourselves over needlessly," he teased and then gave her a kiss that showed her his infinite love and amusement.
"I did not give them in order of importance, but in order of occurrence. We are far more likely to suffer through beef pot roast and cold butter on bread between now and our marriage than we are likely to have children. I know next to nothing of the diet of the Galadhrim, and in case they are great beef pot roast eaters, I did not want you concerned if I eat very little here. As for elflings, it is not that I am against the idea. I well imagine eventually I shall want and enjoy having them. I just have no pressing desire for them," she replied with a grin.
"Do you realize how wonderfully perfect you are?" he asked before giving the slightly confused looking Lothril another kiss that well conveyed his feelings of utter joy, love, and appreciation of her sense of humor. "As for elflings, that is fine with me. I do wish to have them, but I wish to spend a good long while without them alone with you first. I am happy to delay having them several hundred years," he added smiling.
She gave a long sigh and lay down on the grass and he joined her.
"I hope you do not think any worse of me over some of those things," she said at length after a very long, comfortable silence.
"Why should I? I know you will not agree with me, but there is not one thing in your past to be ashamed of. All the same, I shall never breathe a word of any of it to another," Legolas replied.
"Thank you for being so loving and listening to all of that."
He sat up beside her. "I am grateful that you trust me enough to share with me your secrets and passions. Thank you for telling me these things, I know it was difficult for you," he said then laid a kiss upon her lips.
She gave a short laugh. "Difficult is a good word for it. There are certain things I do not freely admit to, ever."
"I have noticed that. I think that it would be good for you to be a little more open more often," he suggested.
"Perhaps. Maybe now that I have you I shall permit myself to open up a little more," she smiled. "Now tell me Prince Legolas, what great secrets do you keep bound within yourself?"
He smiled. Prince Legolas, indeed.
"Hmm, secrets. Yes, I have a few, though none so grave as yours," he said as he began telling her the contents of his heart. He had many more years to cover than she did, so it took longer for him than it did for Lothril. The stars were coming out and they were back up in the talan and after he reached a certain point in his confessions he paused and then said, "Lothril, I must tell you that I do not have a private name. Legolas was always fitting and enough, but then when I realized I loved you, it was not. Silvan elves do not always create private names, and so far as I know, neither Adar nor Naneth have one, but suddenly I found myself wanting a name only for you. I have not decided on one yet, but I am working on one and it shall be only for you."
Her eyes glittered though her face bore only a small smile. "I am deeply flattered to know that I have inspired you to create a private name, and honored that you are making it solely for my use. I am beyond honored and flattered and I have no words for how-" she broke off, trying desperately to figure out how to word things, and eventually she just gave up and opened up her mind to him.
He could not help but smile at the swirling eddy of emotions that were stirring beneath her placid surface. She was moved beyond words with how utterly pleased, joyed, touched, flattered, and honored she was that he felt it needful to not only give himself a private name, but to create it for her and because of her. That she had wrought such a change in him that he felt it needful; she was overwhelmed. He hadn't been sure how she would react, but she loved it; with her deep, quiet enthusiasm that meant worlds more than any outward show of excitement ever would. He felt very privileged that once again she was allowing him to touch upon the surface of her feelings. How he longed to swim in the depths… but that was a ways off. He felt her swirling thoughts and feelings and decided to convey a few of his own and so leaned down and kissed her. Kissing her while using ósanwe was an even headier experience than her earlier kiss had been. He hadn't felt this light headed since he had chugged a large mug of Dorwinion wine on a dare during Mid-Year celebrations one year… never been so drunk in his life as that night, but this was infinitely better. Her kisses were enjoyable in and of themselves, but then he could hear her own thoughts and sense her own feelings, and then his own being reflected in her mind and mingling and adding to hers. It was an intense cycle of pleasure that threatened to take them up to where only the eagles dared to fly.
She pulled away first and panted, "That was intense."
He nodded, still catching his breath himself. "That was amazing."
"We should not do that again."
"Nay, rather we should not indulge too often. It is like a fine strong wine – best enjoyed on special occasions and in small quantities, but it ought to be enjoyed," he replied.
She frowned and looked a bit uncomfortable, "No, I think it best we refrain altogether. I know my reputation in my old world has little bearing here, but I was known as a good girl who was beyond reproach and I would like to keep that."
Legolas' brows furrowed in confusion. What about that had been reproachful or could be? It was heady and strong, but what was there to reproach in that? He reckoned it should only be indulged on occasion because overindulgence would ruin it and he always preferred his pleasures in moderation. Her reaction though… she hadn't acted that way since that tea party. All at once he got an idea and asked, "What are betrothal and marriage customs in your world?"
"I beg pardon?" she asked, blinking, and clearly surprised by the random question in response to her statement.
"Tell me the betrothal and marriage customs where you are from," he repeated, giving an encouraging smile.
"But why?" she asked, clearly confused.
"Humor me," he answered.
She shrugged and launched into a brief explanation of what usually happens before a couple gets engaged, how they get engaged, announcements, save-the-dates, parties, showers, and eventually wedding ceremonies and receptions, and honeymoons. The explanation took some time because Legolas kept stopping her to ask questions or clarification on different points.
"How complicated," he said when it was over. "Did Lord Elrond explain to you our customs?"
"Only so far in that married elves fëar are joined and that is only accomplished through the union of hröa," she replied.
"Well then, I shall go ahead and explain everything for you. Elvish betrothals are usually announced at a meeting of the two houses. The couple exchanges silver rings and that is it. Any feasting or celebrating is purely a matter of preference. The betrothal lasts at least a year, sometimes longer. Sometime after the betrothal is announced the betrothed set a time for the wedding a year or more out from the announcement of the betrothal. We do not have a marriage ceremony as you are used to. At the appointed time there is usually a feast. At the end of it, the betrothed couple stand and the mother of the bride and the father of the groom join the hands of the couple and bless them. There is a very solemn form for this that I will not go into now except to say that Elbereth is named as a witness by the mother and Manwë by the father and The Name is spoken. The betrothed return the silver rings to the other and receive slender gold rings in return. We do not wear them on the left hand, but the right and upon the first finger. There are some different traditions amongst the different elves, for example, the Noldor tradition says that the mother of the bride gives a jewel to the bridegroom to wear, and the bridegroom's father gives a similar gift to the bride. However, we are Sindarin so and so we do not observe that particular custom."
Lothril interrupted him, "Aha! So that is why Galadriel will give Aragorn a green brooch… Oh, I probably shouldn't have said that. Do not repeat that."
Legolas sat up and looked at her, "She will? I shall not tell. Obviously then she believes that all will work out in the end." He laid back down, briefly pondering this and then continued. "With my kin it is customary for the father of the bridegroom to give a token of his blessing, which can vary from gold or a jewel to something that holds great significance for the family, and a bottle of very good wine. The mother of the bride gives a family heirloom, often jewelry, but not always. This is done as a symbol of their approval and blessing upon the union. But this is not the actual marriage of the couple. This is just a celebration to honor the occasion."
Lothril thought over this for a minute. "So then, what is the actual marriage? Thus far what you have described sounds somewhat similar, though backwards, to our, er, my, uh, human, well, you know what I mean, wedding ceremony and receptions. It just sounds like you do the reception first and then the ceremony. But you have not said what makes the actual marriage." Legolas smiled a little, then sat up. She propped herself up on her elbows and repeated, "What is the actual marriage?"
He chuckled. "This is why I wanted to know what your human traditions were," he said as he gently pushed her back down."Where you are from, the ceremony is what makes the couple married. That is not so here. Here it is but a means of expressing the parents' love for their children. Given what you have told me and I have pieced together, this is going to sound scandalous to you, but among our kind, it is anything but. An elvish wedding occurs behind closed doors. In truth, the entire marriage process could occur without one witness, though this is usually frowned upon and the couple is considered ungracious and contemptuous towards kin if they do, for all that is required is an exchange of blessings and the naming of the Name between the couple and consummation. That is all."
She turned as red as ever Samwise Gamgee did and silently mulled over what he said. "Then, does the marriage occur before or after the celebration?"
"After. Though I have seen the odd occasion where it occurred before. Generally, that does not go over particularly well with the family."
"Seen it occur before? I thought you said -"
"You do not understand," he interrupted. "You have observed what I mean, though you perhaps did not understand what you saw. We can read whether an elf is married or not by their eyes and voice. Thus, when I say that I have seen both, it is that we can readily tell if they are already wed prior to the celebration or not. Though it is considered more befitting and proper that it should occur after the celebration."
Lothril pondered this and said, "I understand what you are saying, but I do not think I recognize the marker. I am remembering your father, Elrond, Galadriel and Celeborn, Arwen, you… I cannot see the difference."
Legolas smiled took her hand. "Do not worry, you shall see it in time. You have much to learn of our ways and much more to learn about your new form. Some of it will come naturally, and already has, other things you will come to master in time. It took time for all of us. Our advantage was, we were born with these bodies and got to explore our limits and hone our skills while still growing. You did not."
"You encourage me, Legolas," she said. "But why did you want to know what my old marriage traditions are?"
"I was trying to sort out why you thought our kiss was in danger of ruining your reputation and it occurred to me, it may be a difference in our traditions," he replied.
She frowned, "Not really, but a little. I was sort of worried we might get carried away and do something we ought not before we are wed, but I see now that is quite impossible. If we did, we would be married."
He stared at her a moment with knit brows then said, "I think you do not understand our nature, but as you have only been fully an elf for two days, it is understandable. We do not get carried away because we are not driven by impulse. We are driven by will. Unless you will to marry me in a given moment, you will not get overwhelmed by impulse because you simply cannot. I want to marry you, but I decidedly want to follow our traditions and do things in the proper time and way. Therefore, I shall not get carried away, and unless we both consciously decide to bypass all traditions and propriety and wed, there is naught to worry about."
She thought it over a moment then asked, "But then, how does desire fit into all this?"
If Elrond's family tree was not so well accounted for, he would swear she was truly his kin. "You may choose to allow desire to shape your will, but you have to make that conscious decision."
Her face flushed slightly as she ventured, "So then, once one is married…"
Legolas gave an impish half grin and finished her sentence. "…one often chooses to give desire full rein."
"I see," she replied quietly.
"And in case you are wondering, I had no idea that kissing you while we used ósanwe would produce that effect. It was a happy and accidental discovery. My only desire was to convey my reaction to your feelings. So, all of this to say – you need not worry or fret over losing your admirable and well-deserved reputation, for unless you consciously decide to throw away all your discipline and scruples, you shall not go too far. And I would not let you anyway. I love you and respect you too much, to say nothing of my own honor and integrity."
She smiled sheepishly and replied, "If nothing else, I ought to have trusted your integrity. It is one of the things that I love most about you. Not one Elf I have met has had one bad word to say about you, and it was plain to me that even the guards who escorted us from your father's realm loved and respected you."
Silence resumed once more as Lothril stared up at the stars peaking between the leaves above them and thought about everything that he had said. "So then, what are we considered?" she asked at length.
"At the moment? Nothing. We will most likely be betrothed at some point, but this has no name outside of being in love. I suppose we could call ourselves melethyr, lovers, though I am not sure how that agrees with your sensibilities," he said, observing her face. She did look hesitant at the suggestion, but he left her to her thoughts.
They lapsed into silence for a moment then Lothril said, "You know we shall have to return to our friends at some point, and I fear we are going to have to tell them something sooner or later."
Legolas sat up and sighed. "They are going to be insufferable. Gimli tried wheedling some sort of confession of my feelings for you yesterday. Though I doubt the others asked him to, I am certain there is some scheme or other contrived to learn of our relationship."
"I figured this might happen," Lothril said with a frown, "Especially after I noticed Merry and Pippin started giving each other looks whenever we sat or slept beside each other. If I did not know better, I would think they have some form of ósanwe they use. What if we simply make no comment one way or the other and act however we please. Let them draw their own conclusions."
"You noticed them also? Then you cannot sincerely think that would work. The longer we hold our peace, the more curious they shall become. No, I think our best course of action will be to tell them outright."
Lothril looked at him. "I am not necessarily disagreeing with you, but what exactly shall we tell them?"
"That we are in love and plan on becoming betrothed sometime in the near future," Legolas answered simply.
Lothril frowned. "I suppose."
Legolas took her hands in his and asked, "Why do you frown, my love?"
"Oh, I am being ridiculous I suppose. I just feel silly about essentially announcing we are in love. I suppose I do not care that they know as they have probably already guessed it, but I think I should turn every shade of red if I was there when they found out."
"If you prefer it, I shall never breathe a word of it. But I would appreciate it if you explained to me why you should be so self-conscious. Love, our love, is nothing to be ashamed of, Lothril, and neither is our expression of it." He stared at her intently for a moment. That she was wrestling with something was clear to him. "You must not be afraid of your emotions. They are good and right. Nor should you be afraid of sharing them with the others. Each of them think of you as one of their own and would only be thrilled if you were to share these glimpses into your heart with them. They love you and care for you. Do not be afraid to let them in."
She gave a long, unsteady sigh. "I am sure you are right and I am sure they would be nothing but thrilled. But I struggle so with sharing my thoughts and feelings like this. I shall try, though I do not think I shall succeed."
He lay on his side next to her, propping himself up on his elbow so he could look down at her. "Please do not think I am asking you to do something you are not ready to do. I only ask you think about it and remember how they all feel towards you, and especially how I feel towards you. I know it is hard but please, if naught else, never be afraid or ashamed to share your feelings with me. I hold you and everything about you in the highest regard and I will never take your thoughts or feelings lightly." He leaned down and kissed her again, the fingertips of his free hand lazily tracing the lines of her ear and neck and then wandering up the back of her neck until they were tangled in the dark shadows of her soft hair. "It grows late. Shall we head back?"
"Yes, I think we ought to. We can always sleep in the next morning. Maybe on the way back I shall figure out some means of letting them know the state of things between them without me turning bright red," she said.
"Then let us gather our things and return," he said.
They were not in a great rush to get back, but they did not dawdle either as it was quite late and they were growing tired. When they arrived back at her cottage, there was a note on the table addressed to Legolas. Lothril handed it to him and he broke the seal and read a little then said, "This is from my grandfather. I wrote to him while you were getting your clothes fitted and asked where he was and if we could come visit."
"We?"
"I said I had a friend I might bring. Regardless, they are not very far from here it seems, and they are expecting me sometime tomorrow. Would you like to join me?" he explained.
"Of course," she replied.
He smiled. "Do you mind if I introduce you to them as my beloved?"
She thrilled a little at the word. "Not at all."
He gave her a small kiss on the lips. They bade each other goodnight and at length, after Legolas was lying in bed, he stared up at the ceiling and smiled. He had had many good and wonderful days in his long life, but this was the best one yet, for he had at last kissed his love goodnight.
-0-0-
A/N: I know I said I was keeping this radically within canon, so I do feel obliged to point out that the 'spend a day together' thing is purely my invention. However, the betrothal and wedding customs are Tolkien and straight out of Morgoth's Ring. Also, I know I've been somewhat elusive about whatever bond they have, so I'm going to take a moment to address it now – I am not setting this up as some magical special bond thingy with elves. I may play a little fast and loose with my interpretation of Eldar culture and nature, but I am trying to keep it as within the parameters given by Tolkien as I can while still putting in my own ideas. So, it's canon, but it's also speculative. As for their long-held bond specifically – Ever see friends, couples, or have a friend or significant other with which you can communicate a paragraph with a glance? I'm viewing their bond as not terribly dissimilar to an extremely close friendship; just borne out of weird circumstances. They are two people who just clicked together. Their friendship is effortless, their being together is effortless, their understanding of each other is instinctual. Their love of each other is rooted solidly in their friendship and as a natural extension and outgrowth of it. The only truly weird and 'magical' thing about it is that it all started with their dreams. The reason Legolas two chapters ago was poking around and asking her about the bond is because he was trying to wheedle out of her whether or not she thought it had turned romantic and whether or not she saw it as he did. If there is one thing that is true of Legolas in this story, it is that he wants their relationship to be as mutual, effortless, and organic as possible. And by effortless, I mean uncoerced and un-forced emotionally. He's willing to put in the hard work of a relationship, but he refuses to force one.
Also, here is the translation of that sentence above for anyone who is curious. If this sort of thing bothers you, read no further. You have been warned: *I was wronged by my cousin. My mortal female cousin. She did wrong to me. She touched me in a perverse manner. She robbed me of my innocence.