THE FORGOTTEN

Midnight Conversations

Author's Note: The chapter in which – Legolas and Grandma Sue drink hot cocoa in a window seat.

The ideas, philosophy, reasoning, and etc. I present in this discussion is derived primarily from Tolkien's own writings. Legolas' views on things are the views Tolkien laid out in "Morgoth's Ring" and lightly supplemented by things found in "The Nature of Middle-earth" and some traditional Christian doctrine and a tiny bit of extrapolative logic. I have endeavored to keep my interpretation of things as close to the source material as I possibly can following a hermeneutic of keeping things in context of the original work and authorial intent. Grandma Sue, by means of some contrast, is taking an old school "Christian" POV of things prevalent in many conservative Christian denominations that your religious grandmother may have held and honestly is prey to faulty logic and bad theology (as it favors the old heresy of Gnosticism).

She hadn't drifted off easily, and when she did, her sleep was fitful. Somewhere around midnight she decided she might as well get up and go to the bathroom and then make herself something hot to drink. Quietly she got out of bed and slid on her satin slippers and thin robe and carefully made her way downstairs. As the living room came into view she saw a silhouette sitting on the window seat, petting the cat. Just on the edge of her hearing she could hear singing as she approached the living room. The singing stopped and he turned his head in her direction.

"Did I wake you?" he asked, still petting the cat.

"No, I couldn't sleep," she said. "I'm going to make myself a cup of hot cocoa. Want some?"

"Yes, please. Would you like me to help you?"

She waved her hand for him to stay put so he did, much to the approval of the cat. He turned his attention back to the window and the waxing moon nearing its full. He could see more stars here than he could at the Erickson's house. The stars were strange to the ones that had smiled on him for so many long years, the moon was unfamiliar to him, yet they held their own charms. Grandma Sue returned shortly carrying a pair of cups and saucers, both piled high with whipped cream and chocolate shavings.

"Here you go," she said, handing him one of the drinks.

"Thank you," he answered, carefully taking it from her.

"Scooch your feet over," she said, lightly tapping his feet with the back of her hand. He shifted to accommodate her and she climbed up into the window seat facing him. "My husband Richard and I used to sit just like this and stare out the window. You'd have liked him. So, what was it you were singing when I came downstairs?"

"It is a song my people sing during summer gatherings."

"What's it about?"

"It is about a bird that wants to fly amongst the stars in the sky, but he cannot fly high enough so he is sad until he sees the stars reflected in Long Lake, that is a lake near my home, and thinks that it is a piece of sky come to earth, so he dives down towards the water so he can fly amongst the stars and is very surprised when he gets wet. All the fish in the lake laugh at him because he is just a little song bird and thought the lake was the sky."

"And here I thought it was going to be some deep and profound," Grandma Sue said, shaking her head with a grin before she sipped her cocoa.

Legolas gave a slight shrug. "You humans here seem to have this idea that we are all profoundly serious and incredibly sad. Believe it or not, we can tell jokes and have fun. And now that the ring is destroyed, well, my people may sail away from Middle-earth forever, but that does not mean during high summer we shall not make merry and celebrate all that is good. And I am personally looking forward to sailing."

"I suppose you're right," she replied.

They sipped on their cocoa and sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, only the ticking of the grandfather clock, the clanking of the cups and saucers, and the purring of the cat to be heard.

"Could you sing it for me?" Grandma Sue asked suddenly.

"The song about the bird?"

"Yeah, I'd like to hear it," she said encouragingly.

He hesitated to reply. "I am afraid I cannot render it into this language very well. A lot of the word play would be lost."

"That's alright. I'd like to hear it in elvish," she said.

He took another sip than began to sing, keeping his voice quiet. The tune was sweet and lilting, the words, though she couldn't understand them, seemed to almost be in contrast to the tune. Though the tune resembled the graceful swooping flight of a song bird, the sounds of the words reminded her more of something bouncing up and down a flight of stairs.

He finished and she said, "I like that! I wish I could understand it."

"Perhaps later I will see to working out a translation for you," Legolas said.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Not at all."

"Why Jen – I mean Lothril?" She looked him straight in the eyes as she asked.

He paused and considered her question a moment before answering, "How exactly do you mean?"

"I mean why do you love her? Why have you fallen for her not some other nice elf girl?"

"From the moment I saw her in my dreams I was intrigued by her. Who was she? Why was she so important? Then I met her. At first, I felt very protective of her. After all, was I not the one sent to fetch her? To whom else should her safekeeping fall but the one who brought her thither? Even in Rivendell, safe as she was and under the care of Lord Elrond I felt responsible for her. But more than that, she intrigued me. Elrond allowed me to be one of her teachers, and I was delighted to be given such a duty. Then she asked me to give her a name. I shall never forget that. It was an honor I never expected. I spent many hours meditating on her character in order to create the best name for her, and in so doing I realized many things. I was not protecting her out of sheer obligation, nor was I teaching her out of command or duty, but because I was fond of her. I cared for her, even if I did not realize how; she was dear to me. As we spent more time together I grew to love her more, though I did not realize, or perhaps was not willing to fully admit to what extent. Then, when we reached Lothlórien and I thought she had died, I realized at last how deeply I had loved her, though I thought it was too late.

"Then she came back! How can I tell you how it was when she came back? The very one I thought was lost to me, the very one I love body and soul had returned to me! All along I had been captivated by her – her smile, her laugh, how she looks as she tries to master a new subject, her sweet spirit, her gentle nature, her deep and abiding yet quiet love of her friends and kin, her willingness to do the task at hand, no matter how hard or unpleasant it may be – but then as I got to know her, I became more entranced by her. The deep wells of her heart became known to me, though I merely looked upon the surface. I began to understand her, to see her passions and all that makes her lovely. I have seen her at peace and at war. I have seen her heal the hearts and hurts of those around her and I have seen her cut down the enemy in wrath. We have rested at ease in Rivendell and fought at the gates of Mordor. Through of all of this I have grown to love her more. I have met many elf maids who were perhaps older or born of a more noble house, and many of them have been dear friends, but I never loved them as I do Lothril."

She smiled. "That's what every parent wants for their child in a mate. I couldn't be happier for her, or you." She paused a moment then added, "You said you named her?"

"I did, at her request."

"What does Lothril mean, anyway?"

"Loth is a word which means blossom or flower, and rill is a word that can mean brilliance, glittering light, or flame."

"So you named her flaming flower?" she teased.

That took Legolas off guard, but he chuckled in spite of himself. "I had not considered that rendering at the time, but I think that meaning could also suit her, now that I have thought it over."

Grandma Sue suppressed a laugh then asked, "So how did you mean it when you gave it to her?"

"I was thinking 'flower of glittering light."

"So then, why Lothril?" she asked.

"As I thought about her and the circumstances around her, I thought of some bright little wild flowers that grow near my home. They bloom in mid-autumn and are beautiful during the day, but as dusk falls, they seem to glow as if they keep some of the sunlight with them after she has gone. I can see always see them, glowing brightly in the grass even at night, for then they almost seem like little stars upon the ground. She reminded me of them – one who keeps light within her even when darkness falls. Not that at the time we had seen much darkness on our travels, but the shadow in the east seemed to be growing each day and yet there she was, glowing quietly in the gathering darkness and blooming when others begin to fade."

"Well, I don't know much about elvish, but I do know that sounds like her. I think you picked a good one."

"Thank you, Grandma Sue. I appreciate hearing that from one who has known her so long."

"You know, you don't have to call me Grandma Sue. You can call me Sue. I'm sure you're a darn sight older than I am, despite your looks." She took another sip of cocoa then added, "How old are you anyway?"

Legolas picked up his cocoa and answered, "A little over five thousand years old," then took a sip.

"FI- Five thousand?!" She had almost yelled, but caught herself, not in time though, for Delilah decided that was simply too loud and uncalled for at that hour of the night and jumped down from Legolas' lap and sauntered away. "And here I thought pushing 65 was getting up there."

Legolas smiled. "I have tunics older than you."

"Isn't that a heck of an age gap though? She's sixteen."

"She did have a birthday while we were still there, so she is seventeen," Legolas joked.

Sue reached over and smacked his leg, nearly spilling her drink in the process. She recovered though then said with all seriousness, "But isn't that a bit of an issue?"

"Age is an odd thing with elves. We live so long that what must seem like enormous spaces of time to you are of little consequence to us. Even so, this thought occurred to us also, though briefly. Neither of us are exactly sure how long her spirit was in Valinor, for though her body lay in Caras Galadhon three days, it became obvious upon her return that she had been there longer. She had spent most of her time in the Halls of Mandos, and it is rumored that time does not run the same there as elsewhere. However it may run, it was clearly not a mere three days under the sun."

"So how old is she then?"

Legolas shook his head. "I cannot begin to guess."

Comfortable silence resumed as they each sipped on their cocoa and stared out the window. Sue had been given a lot to think about. The silence was broken when Legolas suddenly asked, "Did you hear that?"

She immediately tensed. "Hear what?"

"There is something large out there in the trees. Wait here," he said, and without another word he disappeared like a ghost up the stairs and then down again with his bow and quiver and out the back door with hardly a sound. She looked out the window and thought she saw Legolas climb up a tree but she couldn't be sure. She watched anxiously as the night seemed to suddenly grow painfully still. Suddenly, she saw Legolas emerge from the trees and head straight towards the house and come inside.

"What was it?"

"It was a bear. It was frightened by something and seemed to be looking for a place to hide."

"The goblins?"

He nodded. "That is what I think. Lothril and I shall go out in the morning and see if we can trace back the bear's tracks."

"Think you'll be able to track it come morning?"

"More so than if I were to try tonight."

"I suppose that's true. But I wouldn't really know. I've never really done much hunting."

"Fortunately, I have done a fair amount over the years."

"After five thousand years, I doubt there's much you haven't done."

He smiled. "There is not much I have not done, but I hope there will be one less thing soon."

"Legolas! Was that a dirty joke?"

He shook his head. "You humans are a strange lot," he said as he picked up his cup again then took a big swig. "I have read your sacred book – the one Lothril's family believes, and I have seen yours in your house. You claim to worship the one who created all things and ordered all things, yet you act as though making love to one's spouse is borderline sinful. Have you read Song of Solomon?"

"Well of course –"

"Then I fail to see why something He called good, and something that has been ordained as sacred, and something that is as natural as the sunrise is such a forbidden topic when it is within the confines of what is laid out by your creator. If the one who has made all things declares something to be good, who are you to argue?"

"It's the act outside of marriage that is sinful," she retorted.

"On that, I could not agree more. We elves do not commit adultery. It runs contrary to our very natures. Even if a spouse dies, we will not remarry. So far as I know, only one elf has. But you humans seem to lump the sacred with the unthinkable and act as if it is all shameful. No, I misspeak. You rightly think the unthinkable as forbidden, but you treat the sacred as shameful."

She thought this over for a moment. "You know, I don't think you're quite right when you say we treat it as shameful. It's just that there are certain things you just don't discuss."

He took another drink then said, "I have noticed that. I wonder though if you all would not be better off if you did. There are certain things one may and should keep private, but in all the reading and listening I have done since I have arrived here, it seems to me that people readily say nothing of value and avidly avoid the meaningful, keep buried that which should be brought forth, and make the sacred out to be shameful while readily justifying the profane. But I ask you this – amongst your circles there seems to be a measure of panic that the young are following the ways of the profane and wicked and treating the most sacred of unions as recreation. Could the reason be in part due to that they are only being told about the misuse and abuse of such a gift, and not the joy and sacredness of it?"

"That's not – well, I don't think that's entirely true. I've always heard it preached as a wonderful thing within marriage."

"I have heard that as well when I have gone to – what is it called again? Sermons?"

"I think you mean when you've gone to church."

"Yes, thank you! Church. I have heard it preached on at church, in nearly those exact words. Several times in fact. It seems I caught her … pastor, yes – pastor in the middle of a series of speeches-"

"Sermons, dear."

"Oh yes, that is right! Thank you. Sermons on husbands and wives. He read through a passage about the role of husbands and the role of wives, but then he mentioned faithfulness, and all the ways that one can be unfaithful to one's spouse, then declared that, how did he put it? Oh yes – he declared that sex is a wonderful thing inside of marriage, and then very quickly moved on from that discussion. And the way he said it, it was as if he was embarrassed or shy to mention it. But would not that have been a perfect time to tell about the sacredness and sweetness of the most intimate of unions? Should that not have been the perfect time and place to speak on the joys of knowing ones spouse in a way that none other ever could? Should that have not been the perfect opportunity to expound on the beauty of faithfulness and how it strengthens love and trust which are the safeguards against unfaithfulness? I have read that at the beginning your first father declared your first mother bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. If this is true of your marriage unions, then should not this be sung about as one of the most wonderful of mysteries that two people may become as one in body, mind, and soul? For that is how I have often heard it spoken of at home. We do not shy away from speaking of the joy and wonder of the union of two spirits and two bodies. We gladly make songs about sweetness of the union of fëa, that is, our spirits or souls, and we celebrate it. It is nothing that we speak of in hushed tones, but perhaps that is because we do not abuse it? I have heard it spoken of since I was an elfling, and never in all my days have seen anyone so reticent to mention something so sacred and natural. Has this not been your experience?"

She was quiet for a moment, considering his words and thinking back over her many long years at church. How many sermons had she heard from how many pastors that sounded almost exactly how he had described it? Were they all wrong? Surely not, but then again… He sat patiently awaiting her response. Delilah returned and leapt onto Legolas' lap once more, this time making a play for some of his whipped cream. He indulged her by scooping a little bit onto his finger and holding it out for her to lick off. She accepted the terms of his compromise and then settled down into a position where she could eye his mug and make a move for more if he seemed inattentive.

"But surely what one does behind closed doors –" she started

"Should remain there, and I agree. But that does not change what I have said. One may speak about the marriage union without being gratuitous with details." He quickly whisked his cocoa away from the cat as she had made a lunge for his whipped cream.

"I still think it's a bit inappropriate to talk about," she said a little stubbornly.

"What is inappropriate? Speaking of the sacredness of marriage? The joy of joining with and knowing one's spouse? I am beginning to suspect that the perversions of what is right and sacred has marred all thinking and discussion about it. For I have noted that in your circles it is either spoken of in hushed tones with some measure of embarrassment or feelings of impropriety, or it is spoken of in a way that focuses merely on the pleasures of the flesh and ignores all that is sacred. But I do freely admit, I have only had one month's worth of sermons on the topic to observe the reactions of people. Tell me, what has your experience been when these things are brought up?"

She thought for a minute then said slowly, "I almost hate to say it, but I think you're right. The more I think back on messages I've heard and conversations I've had or overheard – I think you've pretty much nailed it. And I think you're right when you said that the perversion of what is good has marred our thinking and discussions about it. I think part of it is that when I was a girl, those sorts of things were never discussed in public, then came along the sexual revolution and suddenly people were talking about it all over, so those of us who thought what they were doing was wrong didn't want to sound like them, so we started preaching against their behavior, but we never talked about the good things about it." There was a momentary silence then she said, "And to think, I spent all those years with Richard and I never really thought about it like that. I think I missed out. Don't get me wrong, Richard was a wonderful lover – and don't you dare repeat that – but I never balanced out my thinking between the spiritual and the physical." She fell silent and he noticed tears form in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away so he wouldn't notice, so he said nothing. She missed her darling husband dearly sometimes, and this felt like an arrow to the heart. She wondered if he ever thought of things like Legolas did. Somehow, she suspected he did and she just never noticed. But it wouldn't do to start crying, not in front of her guest. "You know Legolas, in that whole discussion you only called it sex once and that's when you were quoting the pastor. If it's nothing to be ashamed of, why don't you call it what it is?"

"Because that is not how we word it, and so I struggle to think of it in such terms. As far as we use the term, sex is something you're born with, not an act. I confess, I struggled at first when I heard the word being used, because I kept hearing the phrase, 'having sex' and it made no sense to me. I had to ask Lothril to explain what was meant by the usage. Sometimes this language is wonderfully specific and other times it is painfully vague. Though I suppose that is true of any tongue."

Sue chuckled in spite of herself. "You know, I never thought of it that way – but I suppose it would sound weird if you only ever heard it as a noun and suddenly it's a verb… or whatever. Are you done with your cocoa?"

He threw back the last little bit then said, "Now I am. Here, let me take them into the kitchen for you."

"Oh, alright. Just set them in the sink."

She watched his graceful gait as he passed silently into the kitchen. She wondered briefly if he was a good dancer. She had done a bit of ballroom dancing in her youth and he just struck her as someone who would be. She found herself musing what sort of dance would go with that little song he sang for her earlier when he returned and stood in front of the window.

"Please, do not feel the need to stay up with me if you are tired. I do not need to sleep as much as humans do."

"Oh? Well, as it is, I'm still not very tired. Sit back down. If I get drowsy, I'll get up and go to bed."

He gave a graceful nod of his head and said, "Very well," and climbed back onto his end of the window seat.

"So, how soon are you two going to get married once you get back?" Sue asked.

"Our custom is let the betrothal stand for one year, so depending on how much time has passed when we return, we shall honor that tradition and wait a year, then be wed in the autumn near our mid-year celebrations," Legolas answered.

"When did you get betrothed?"

"We were betrothed three days after midsummer's day. By my reckoning of days that was three months ago, even though here it is three weeks away."

"That's a bit confusing."

Legolas only nodded. Ever since he met Lothril, time had taken on a whole new irrelevance in his life.

"So, do elves do a honeymoon?"

Legolas got a funny grin on his face. "Not quite as I understand your custom. Here you go away somewhere for a few days or a couple weeks and then return home?" Sue nodded and he said, "We do not typically go anywhere. The wedding night is typically spent at home as are however many subsequent days and weeks the couple wishes to remain alone. I am blessed however, for we shall be living in my chambers and they are quite large – almost the size of this house, and there are private gardens and wooded places we may stray in without fear of being disturbed and I plan on taking full advantage of them for several weeks, only being in public for our mid-year celebrations if we decide to wed before them. In a way though, the first several years are the honeymoon."

Sue looked a bit shocked at the phrase, 'first several years.' "That's a heck of a long honeymoon."

"Perhaps, but you must understand, just as in your life you have had seasons of marriage, then bearing and rearing children, then the children leave, and so on, so do we, but our such seasons in life are not dictated by age, but rather interest and desire. I am marrying rather old, even by our reckoning, but that matters little for now my desires are for marriage, love making, and children. Now that I have found my love, we shall be married and shall live together and raise children and this may last several hundred years, but then once they have grown, we shall be satisfied of those desires and our lives will move on. You look a bit mortified. Why?"

"I just can't figure how you could go on about love like you did earlier then say you'll just move on one day from your marriage. I thought you were married for good."

"We are. We always shall be, and the days of our love and child bearing and raising shall be amongst my most cherished memories, but sooner or later the desire for those things may cease. I do think there is a reasonable chance we shall dwell together most of the time, for I enjoy her company aside from my affectionate feelings for her. But you must consider two things – first, we live a very long time. I frequently marvel at how much you can fit into a span of eighty or ninety years. I have an untold number of years before me until the breaking of Arda. You cannot judge the changes of a mountain by the same standard as you would a flower. Second, we are not as ruled by our flesh as humans, but governed by our spirits. How did the apostle put it? That which I would do, I do not and that which I would not, that I do. He spoke as a true human who was very much aware of his redeemed soul and fallen flesh. He desired to do good, but his flesh drove him to sin. We do not have such dual natures. That which I would do, I do. That which I would not, I do not. Not that I cannot err or misstep, but that there is no contention between spirit and flesh. After we are married, our desires shall be for each other and for children, but once that desire is completed, we shall pursue whatever interests us. It may be together, it may be apart for a time. In time though, we would dwell together again, but once the days of our having children are over, then so such desires cease."

She thought over what he said. "I suppose it's not too different from us, after all. Once the kids were grown and I couldn't have any more, Richard pursued his hobbies and I pursued mine, though we did do a lot of things together. I just can't fathom being happily married though and not living together." She paused a moment then added, "Then again, Marcia did tell me that her and Jack have taken to sleeping in separate rooms on account of his snoring. They're still in the same house, but still."

Legolas laughed. "After traveling with a dwarf for so long, I cannot imagine sharing a bedroom with that snoring for sixty years! I confess, I never slept so deeply as I did the first night after the war when we were in the city and I had my own room. But see, you do perhaps understand a little. Even in the brief years you had with your husband, after a time, though you still loved him deeply, you had other things with which you wished to preoccupy your time. It is the same with us, just for much longer periods of time. You might spend a few days apart from him pursuing your interests, I might spend a few years apart from Lothril pursuing my interests. For me, a few years is nothing."

"It's true, but now that he's gone, I wish I had those hours back."

Legolas got off the window seat and leaned down and gave her a hug. "I feel the same way about my mother. But if I read your sacred book rightly, you shall meet him again, same as I. That must ever be our hope – that beyond the sorrow of this world we shall see those whom we have loved."

She broke down into tears and to her surprise, so did Legolas. He stood there holding her until she was able to compose herself, then he offered her a tissue from the little side table. She gave him a rather cracked sounding thank you as she blew her nose and dried her eyes. He ghosted away to the kitchen and returned a moment later with a glass of water which he handed to her. "I'm okay now, thank you," she said at length.

He smiled. "Good."

"I'm sorry about your mother. How did she die?" Sue said, trying to regain her composure.

Legolas shook his head gently and said, "She did not die, but she did sail West and left Middle-earth forever. She was grievously wounded on the way to visit her kin and upon realizing the wounds would leave in her pain and her left arm useless for many long years, she decided to seek healing in the Blessed Realm, never to return. I have promises to keep once I return home, but after they are fulfilled, I shall sail there and join her. As it stands though, I have not seen her for five hundred years and I miss her terribly. If I understand your beliefs rightly, you shall not have so long a wait as I to be reunited with your husband."

Sue looked thoughtful for a moment then said, "I used to think it would be fun to be an elf and live forever, but I'm suddenly kinda glad I only have to miss Richard maybe twenty years; forty-three if I live to be a hundred like my grandmother. I can't imagine being separated from him five hundred years."

Legolas pondered this. Did they not call it the gift of Men? He was starting to wonder if their mortality was something they simply understood just like elves simply understood their immortality. "Again I must marvel at you humans. So short a span of days, but so much life within them. At your age I was not quite fully grown and I am certain I had not lived as much as you have. At one hundred I was only just coming into my own and allowed to begin command of small patrols and such things."

"At a hundred my grandma was still sharp as a tack and going strong, but then my grandpa died at age ninety-eight, he was two years younger than her, and she decided she didn't want to be without him so she told us all she was going home, wrote out her will, and died two weeks later. To this day I am convinced she picked the day she died."

"It may be. There is rumor that the line of Numenor is gifted in such a manner. Perhaps she was granted such a gift also." He turned his head and looked out the window at the moon then said, "There are still a few hours before the sun rises. I think we should go to our beds. Lothril and I must rise early. We wish to be out hunting by sunrise."

"Would you like breakfast before you go?"

"Yes, but I am sure we can manage it ourselves."

"Nonsense. I'll have breakfast ready for you at 5am. And I won't take 'no' for an answer. She's still my adopted granddaughter and you're her beloved which makes you my adopted grandson in law. Besides, I ought to thank you for tonight anyway. Good conversation is hard to come by, and you've given me a lot to think about."

"Very well. Shall we?" Legolas asked, offering her his arm.

She took it and he escorted her up the stairs and saw her to the door of her room, and they bade each other good night.