Disclaimer: I don't own them. All that jazz.
-x-x-x-
"This is great." The soft breeze in her face, the lawn chair underneath her, the fishing pole in her hands sitting idle as she enjoyed the sunlight and fresh air. This was exactly what Colonel Samantha Carter had needed.
"I told ya." General Jack O'Neill piped up next to her as he reeled his line in.
"I can't believe we didn't do it years ago." The regret that sat in the pit of her stomach right now for not accepting his offer all those times before was slowly diminishing now that she was finally here.
"Yes well, let's not dwell." Chuckling at his comment she turned to smile at him. A smile of his own gracing his lips. His hardened eyes soft under the bill of his brown baseball cap.
The pond shimmered before them under the sun, creating a calming affect along with the soft little waves that broke the surface. "Daniel and Teal'c are coming tomorrow." She stated.
"Yeah, sometime in the afternoon. Should be up here before dark if Daniel let's Teal'c drive." Jack chuckled. Both of them knew how many stops Daniel liked to take whenever they drove. Teal'c on the other hand, drove on through only stopping for gas and bathroom breaks. The necessities.
"What's on the agenda for the rest of the afternoon?" Curious as to whether he had anything planned for them or even for when Daniel and Teal'c showed up tomorrow, she questioned him. They were technically on vacation, but what type of vacationer was he? The one that made plans for everyone with a time, place, and activity? Or the one that just went with the flow and let everyone else do their own thing?
"Fishing, beer, napping, grilling." Definitely the second one. Go with the flow and do your own thing. "There are some trails about a fourth of a mile from the cabin, down the road."
"Any neighbors in the area?" His eyebrows rose in her direction. Rolling her eyes, she smirked. "Sir."
"There's a few, but they're all at least five miles away. So not quite sure if you would really consider them a neighbor at that point." He shrugged, the smirk on his lips after his insinuation of her question still in place. "There's a river a few miles west of here if you're into kayaking or canoeing." He nodded towards the other side of the pond into the tree line.
"Can honestly say I don't have a lot of experience with water."
"What? I found a hobby you aren't good at?" He teased. Reaching her hand across the space next to them she swatted at his shoulder. "I mean I can teach you." He offered.
"You know how to kayak and canoe?" That wasn't something she expected from him. How to operate a boat for fishing or even driving around a lake, yeah sure. No doubt about it. But a kayak and canoe? Not so much.
"Now that's something I would need to see Daniel and Teal'c do." She could already see the image in her head of the two of them in a canoe together and in kayaks individually. Neither looked like very good scenarios in her head.
"Well once they get here we'll have to go out and see who sinks first." Jack laughed as he threw his line back out into the pond.
It was nice just the two of them together. Spending quality time together. It made her insides flip nonetheless, but taking a step back from work, the mountain, and their responsibilities. It was a nice change of pace. Of course, after this extended weekend they would all head back to Colorado and their lives would return as normal, him running the mountain, she, Daniel, and Teal'c trekking through the gate. Commander and Second in Command back in full swing.
Something she didn't want to think about. Their relationship and going back to work. The last week had been rough. It all started out with her second guessing her relationship with Pete, to making a fool of herself in Jack's backyard, only to end up in the infirmary saying her last goodbyes to her father. Rough was an understatement and everything that had happened was enough to break her down.
At least Daniel had come back from being ascended. That was the one positive that had come out of the last few days. He wasn't actually dead as she had previously thought. Which she shouldn't have thought in the first place, he was always playing with death. This was nothing new to any of them.
"You know, Carter, the other day at my place-" His voice was uneasy beside her as his hands stilled on his fishing pole.
Shaking her head, she smiled softly at him. "It's fine. Really. I should have called before just showing up like that." Ducking her chin down, she refused to make eye contact with him. He was with Kerry. It was fine. She should have seen it coming. Hell, she had gotten herself into a relationship with Pete, was well on her way to marrying the man. She couldn't be jealous or get upset that he was getting out more too.
"No, not that. I'm uh-I'm glad you popped out. Even under those current circumstances." He smirked. Clearing his throat, he continued. "You know, uh, Kerry and I talked."
Pulling her chin up, she turned in his direction. "You did?" Her fingers mindlessly started fiddling with the fishing line.
"Yeah. We're uh-we're not together anymore." He coughed out as if trying to clear his throat again.
"You're not?" Her fingers paused as her eyes grew wide.
"Nope. Threw in the towel."
Suddenly a feeling of guilt washed over her. Glancing down at the pole in her hands briefly before looking back up at him. "Sir, if it's because I showed up and interrupted-"
He cut her off immediately. "Oh it's definitely because you showed up." Frowning she wasn't sure where this was going. Her heart was thudding against her rib cage. "But I think Kerry knew well before seeing you at my place that you and I have a room with a heavily locked door we're not allowed to open."
Dropping her eyes again, she breathed out a heavy sigh. "Oh."
"Yeah. Oh." He agreed. She could hear the sadness in his tone. "Apparently as much as we agreed to keep this-" His pointer finger moved back and forth between the two of them "-in the room. We aren't doing that great of a job."
A heavy silence grew between the two of them. He still had feelings for her? Her mind was spinning a mile a minute. She was the reason he and Kerry broke up? That was not what she had intended going to his house. She hadn't even been aware he was seeing someone to begin with. He was the only one around that she trusted to talk to about Pete and her second thoughts. Daniel was dead at the time and Teal'c was going back and forth so much between Earth and Bra'tac, that they were both out of the question. Which left him. They were the only people she trusted in this world. As sad as it was, the only people she considered her friends as well.
"I'm sorry sir. I really shouldn't have shown up at your house. And I especially didn't mean to put any doubts in Kerry's mind. Maybe if I-"
His hand shot out to grab hers. "It's fine Carter. And it's Jack this weekend. No sir. I think we deserve that for a few days, don't you?" He nodded in her direction, finalizing his expectations. "You know, she actually suggested I retire from the Air Force. Run the SGC as a civilian."
Doe-eyed she stared at him. Kerry suggested that? Were they really that obvious? "She what? You can't. You've worked so hard to get where you are."
There was absolutely no way she would allow him to retire just for her. He reached the status of General for a reason. He deserved it. Earned it. And not to get to where he was and throw it all away just so they could see what was really behind that closed door.
"I think that's up to me to decide, don't you?" His head cocked slightly in her direction.
"Right. Sorry." Dropping her chin heavily she tugged her bottom lip into her mouth. Gnawing on it.
His chuckle beside her had her cringing inside. "Can you stop saying that?" Sharply her wide blue eyes shot up to see him shaking his head. Her lip still tucked in under her top teeth. "Sorry. Stop saying that. There's nothing to be sorry for." Remaining silent she hoped he would continue talking. At this point she wasn't sure what to say to him anymore. "Why don't you go get cleaned up, I'll take care of this mess and start the grill." He suggests reeling his line back in for the final time.
Wiping her hands nervously down the sides of her jeans she disagreed. "I um-I think I'm going to go for a run first. Get some air. Where did you say the trails were?"
"Yeah sure, they're uh-just up the gravel road there on the left. 'Bout a fourth of a mile in, there will be a path on your left again off into the trees."
Standing up, she folded the lawn chair up. "Thank you sir."
"Ack! What did I say?" He shot back at her as he followed suit, getting on his feet.
"Yes. Jack." She corrected feeling her cheeks warm up. Picking up the chair she started for the cabin.
"I can get that." He offered juggling his own chair and the two fishing poles.
Nodding at his already full hands, she gripped the chair. "Thanks, but I've-"
"You go. Run. I've got it." And then he was shoving the fishing poles up under his arm pit and taking the chair from her with his now free hand.
Without the option to help, she gave in and let go of the chair. "I'll just-" Wringing her fingers nervously she pointed towards the cabin as he started walking towards the shed in the back.
"Right. Well. Don't be gone too long. Sun will be setting soon." His voice was hesitant at first. She could tell in his tone he was a little off from their conversation about Kerry and themselves, and so was she.
Without a second to lose Sam let her legs guide her towards the cabin to go change and head out for a little bit. Lost in her own mind she swore she heard him mutter something about her comment to get some air. Clearly unaware she was still close enough to hear his voice. Although she couldn't hear exactly what he said, she had an idea. Ignoring it she picked up the pace and moved faster.
They may have spent the last hour on the dock fishing, out in nature, in the fresh air. But now, now she needed to get some air of her own. Process their conversation. Get away for a little bit. Going on a run without him was the perfect opportunity.
-x-x-x-
Scrubbing his hands heavily over his face he wanted to punch himself in the face for opening his mouth. The last thing he had planned to do was make Carter uncomfortable. The exact opposite was his goal this weekend actually. Yet he had undoubtedly succeeded. Why he thought it had been a good time to bring up Kerry and her unannounced visit at his place the other day, he wasn't sure. The need to get it out in the open took over and his mouth was moving before he realized what he was saying.
Maybe it was the week they had all had? All the changes, the surprises, the good and the bad.
Kerry had opened his mind up. As if it wasn't open enough. Their conversation in his office only made his feelings and thoughts for Carter more prominent. More uncontrollable. Because she was right.
Things were good with Kerry, they were. Kerry was a beautiful woman. Strong, funny, good personality. And yeah sure they loved each other, but they weren't in love. They were content. Keeping each other company more than anything. Both of them were fully aware of that not too long into the relationship. Yet neither of them voiced that. They had both found someone to spend time with and that's what the two of them had been searching for.
But she wasn't Carter.
He should have been more shocked when she called him out in his office. For how easy it was for someone on the outside looking in to see how madly in love he was with a woman that was off limits; that alone shouldn't have happened. Apparently, their locked room was crumbling.
Was anyone else aware? Were they just ignoring it and choosing not to see how apparently obvious the two of them were to everyone else but themselves? How could he slip like that? She was still his second in command. And now to bring it up to her on a whim? Stupid. Just plain stupid. He needed to get himself back together.
Kerry's words had lit a spark of hope in him without realization. Until now. Her words were a form of encouragement to go after what he couldn't have. To look at their relationship from the outside. Maybe he should retire and run the SGC as a civilian. Or just retire all together. Then he could have what he'd always wanted. He could finally kiss her properly. Hold her. Build a deeper personal relationship. Cross that line. Break down that door and burn it.
Shaking his head, Jack scoffed as he pulled two steaks out of the fridge just before popping the cap of a beer off.
A relationship with him was probably the last thing Carter was interested in. He was old, worn down. It had to be the thrill of being attracted to someone untouchable. Something forbidden. That's what it was. That's what it had to be. His feelings and thoughts were just that, nothing tangible. Not real. And there was no way she was genuinely interested in him.
She could do better than him. Way better. She deserved better.
But, she had shown up at his house on her own. Her nerves getting the best of her as she stood before him twisting her fingers around. Biting her bottom lip. Stuttering over her words. He still had yet to find out what that visit had been about. Kerry coming out was enough to shut Carter down, immediate embarrassment flaring across her cheeks as they reddened, and her eyes darted from Kerry to him to her feet. Looking for any way out of the situation she put herself in. Then the phone call came. That had her rushing out of his yard, throwing some comment about her dad in his direction as she completely disappeared.
Pulling a long swig from the neck of the bottle, Jack stared at the steaks in front of him. It was a very rare occasion to see Carter down and sad. An occasion he didn't like. One he wished to never see. Especially being on the outside of it all. Only able to comfort her with a hug, holding her hand, giving her a shoulder to lean on. All brief short moments as anything longer or anything more would be unbecoming of both of them.
The tears in her eyes had broken his heart. The way her voice cracked with her soft words as he leant her support had him itching to take her in his arms and hold her. More than just giving her a hand to squeeze. Or an arm slung over her shoulders still maintaining distance. Losing Jacob wasn't something she was prepared for, but when is anyone prepared for death really? Hell, he was even having a hard time registering that he'd never see the old man again. It almost seemed unreal.
And who knew how she was coping with breaking off her engagement with Shanahan. Hence this weekend getaway. They all needed it. They all needed a break from reality and responsibility. A few days to be themselves, without a crowd, relax, enjoy nature, and enjoy peace. Even if only temporarily.
Shutting his thoughts off, Jack carried the steaks out to the grill and threw them on. For now, he would enjoy the silence of being alone while Carter is out running and before Teal'c and Daniel show up tomorrow. He'd concentrate on supper and the beer in his fridge.
-x-x-x-
Towel drying her short hair, she sat on the edge of the tub. She wished the shower she had just indulged in after her run had the ability to wash all the tension from this week down the drain. The last few days had been rough. Breaking up with Pete had been a long time coming, something she should have put an end to months ago. Agreeing to his proposal had been a mistake from the get-go. She never should have said yes. But she did. Now she had to deal with the consequences.
Then her father. That was the last thing she expected. Selmak dying, her father choosing to die with her. At least she was able to say goodbye. At least they had been able to spend a few more years together after his cancer diagnosis, mend their relationship, and give him a second chance at life. That was something she needed to remind herself. It could have been worse. He could have died years ago. They could have never fixed their relationship or really gotten to know each other.
But that wasn't what this weekend was about. This weekend was about relaxing with her friends, her team. Escaping the harsh reality of this week. Avoiding work. Coping with the aftermath of the funeral.
Picking up the wine glass off the counter in front of her, she swallowed the last bit. Her face was already flushed from the shower, and the wine was only making it more prominent. Her cheeks were rosy, she knew it just by the way they felt. She didn't have to see it in a mirror to know the wine had done that.
Draping the used towel over the curtain rod she took her glass with her as she left the small confines of the bathroom. Following the delicious smell of supper, she found herself in the small kitchen.
"Hungry?" The Colonel's voice had her line of vision coming up from her feet to find him dishing two plates together at the counter.
To be honest, she wasn't that hungry, and her appetite hadn't been quite up to par the last few days. But she wasn't going to tell him that. The Colonel had just spent the last forty-five minutes prepping and making supper for the two of them. The last thing she wanted to do was disrespect him and his efforts. This entire weekend getaway was his idea after all. She was just his guest. The entire house smelled amazing; her stomach was growling just from that alone.
"Need a refill?" Smiling softly at his offer, she held her wine glass out as he filled it almost to the brim. "Go, sit down." Then he was nodding at the kitchen table with four chairs while scooping some mashed potatoes onto their plates next to the steak and broccoli already there. Thanking him, she took the chair furthest away, watching as he finished up their plates. "How was the run?" He asked making small talk as he delivered her plate and silverware before returning for his own as well as his beer.
"It was nice. Refreshing." Fidgeting with the knife and fork in one hand she pushed her wine glass a few inches from her plate. "It's really beautiful out here."
Heavily he sat in front of her, his own fork and knife clattering to the tabletop as he drank from his beer bottle. Without hesitation or realization her eyes followed every movement. The way his throat constricted with each swallow. The small dribble of liquid that escaped from the corner of his mouth and towards his chin before he swiped it away with the back of his hand. His tongue sneaking out between his lips and swiping between the two thin lines to remove any other trace he may have left behind.
"Yeah, it is." He agreed. "Serene." He added with a smirk on his lips as he shoved a large bite in his mouth.
"What time do you think Daniel and Teal'c will be here tomorrow?" Taking a small scoop of the mashed potatoes she pushed it around in her mouth before chasing it with some wine.
"Depends on when their flight comes in. They didn't sound too excited about the fourteen-hour drive and Teal'c managed to talk Daniel out of driving. They'll get a car once they get into town and make their way here."
Eying him curiously, she didn't see him being one that would thoroughly enjoy that long of a car ride. "Do you usually drive sir?" His eyes immediately shot up to hers and glared. "Sorry." Sir. That word again.
"Typically. It's a nice change of pace. Can't just hop through a gate and be here in five seconds. Plus, the drive gives you time to think and just enjoy the ride." He shrugged.
They were rather used to the fast-paced action life, taking a drive across a few states oddly sounded relieving and relaxing. Maybe she would have to do that next time instead of flying herself. She had almost wished she had left and drove up here with him the other day instead of waiting until Mark and his family to flew back to California after the funeral. Instead, she had taken the responsible and respectful route spending more time with her brother, his wife, and their two kids. They didn't see each other often and unfortunately their father dying was what brought them together this time around.
"How are Mark and his family handling everything?" As if he was reading her mind, she paused mid bite at his words. "You don't have to answer that. That was stupid of me."
Clearing her throat, she shook her head. "No, no you're fine. They're okay." Pausing, she swallowed heavily. A frown creased her brows. "As awful as it is…the kids didn't spend a lot of time with dad. It won't be much of a difference for them. Mark, he'll be fine within time."
Taking a small bite of the steak, she chewed it a few times before finally swallowing it. Her stomach turned as it made its way down her throat. Immediately setting her fork down she reached for her wine again and took a sip from it. "You will be too you know that right?"
Frowning at his words, she used her napkin to swipe the nonexistent food around her mouth away. "Will be what?"
"Fine." His words were soft, almost silent even. Nodding uneasily, she placed her hands in her lap. Twisting her fingers around she stared down at them. "Sorry. I didn't mean to kill the mood."
Chuckling at him she glanced up. "It's okay sir." The corner of her upper lip quirked up in a half smile.
"Is my cooking that bad?" He teased obviously realizing she wasn't eating anything while his plate was more than half gone already.
"No! No of course not! I guess I'm just not that hungry." Eyes wide she stared at him hoping he didn't take offense. Very clearly failing at her goal to not offend him and his cooking. Knowing he didn't believe a word she said, he thankfully ignored it and let her be. She already knew by the way he was looking at her and from her response that he wanted to make her sit at the table and eat until her plate was cleared just like a parent would do to their child.
Through her lashes she could see him downing the rest of his beer. Cringing on the inside, she picked her head up with a shaky breath her cheeks growing redder as the seconds passed. From feeling awkward, uncomfortable, and the wine. "I'm sorry sir, I'm not the best guest right now. Maybe-"
Immediately he was cutting her off. "Ah! No, you are just fine. It's been a rough week. It's okay to have bad days you know that right? As in more than a bad couple of minutes or seconds. You can be not happy every once and awhile Carter. Or not okay. Nobody will judge you for being human."
Nodding quietly, her eyes were back on her hands in her lap. But not for long as his words startled her. "Alright, come on. Up." And he was pushing back from the table, standing up.
"Huh?" Frowning at him, she suddenly felt nervous.
"On your feet, come on." His hand landed on her wrist sending a spark of electricity up her arm, through her core, and down to her toes. Feeling herself being pulled up, she stood stumbling slightly over the chair as she trailed behind him.
Stopping just beside the couch in the living room his hand slid away from her wrist. Throw pillows were pulled from the couch and thrown on the floor just in front of the fireplace. Blankets were taken out of a basket in the corner and added to the growing pile. "Wh-what are you doing?" Curious of his actions, she crossed her arms over her chest.
"We can't have supper without dessert. Sit down." His shoulder brushed hers as he shuffled around her back into the kitchen. Eying the comfortable looking mound of pillows and blankets with her wide doe eyes, she swallowed heavily.
Hearing a metallic clang behind her and cupboards closing harshly, she turned to find him coming straight at her again. This time his arms full and balancing a new beer bottle in the crook of his elbow. Smirking she shook her head. "Roasted marshmallows? Really?"
A smirk immediately grew upon his lips as he wiggled his eyebrows up and down a few times. "Can't come to the cabin, go fishing, do all things camping and wilderness related, minus actually camping, and NOT have a roasted marshmallow."
Chuckling at his child like enthusiasm as he plopped down before the fire into the nest of pillows and blankets, she followed his lead and sat beside him. His hand was in her face instantaneously as he passed her a metal stick to put the marshmallow on to hold over the fire. Without hesitation she took the stick and offered marshmallow that followed shortly after and stuck it on the end.
"My dad used to take Mark and I camping all the time when we were kids." The words were tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them. Eyes entranced by the flickering flames before her.
Feeling his movements pause briefly next to her she was relieved when his voice broke their silence. "Isn't that a dad's job? It's like it's in the unwritten rule book or something." She could practically hear the beer sliding down his throat as he swallowed.
"Did you ever-?" Feeling like she was crossing a line, she stopped herself.
"Uh yeah. Quite a bit actually. Charlie and I would take a weekend to ourselves and come up here without Sara sometimes. Have a boys weekend if you will. Just the two of us. Go fishing, watch for shooting stars, live off of roasted marshmallows and hot dogs. Sara would have divorced me sooner if she knew what I fed him all those times." He laughed uncomfortably, rolling his marshmallow through the flames. Trying to even out the sides.
"Sounds like a lot of good memories."
"Uh yeah, somewhat." A dark shadow fell across his face as he frowned briefly. Feeling her heart clench knowing exactly what was on his not entirely sober mind, she felt awful. Here she was trying to get out of her somber mood, only to find her putting him in one.
Setting her marshmallow down losing even more of an appetite than she had before, she placed it on the paper plate he had brought along that held a few loose graham crackers and broken pieces of chocolate. Feeling the urge to get up and flee, she closed her eyes and took in a slow and steady breath through her nose. Opening her mouth to apologize, she frowned when she felt his fingers intertwine with hers.
Pausing, she looked over to see he had set his own marshmallow down and was eying her precariously. Moving her gaze to his hand now encircling hers, she felt her throat grow tight. Tears pooled in her lower eyelids. Emotions wasn't something she handled well. Bottling them up was her forte. Showing them was something she didn't do often.
Death tended to break that cycle. Especially of a loved one. It was inevitable to hide those emotions in times like these. And Jack supporting her, sitting with her in the observation room at the SGC, inviting her and Daniel and Teal'c up to the cabin to get away for the weekend, now sitting here, holding her hand. Talking to her. It was too much. Something she wasn't used to. Timidly licking her bottom lip, she tucked it under her teeth.
Without a second thought she lay her head on his shoulder. His fingers tightened around hers. Unsure of whether it was the hot shower, the wine, or the fire in front of her, but her entire body was growing warmer by the second.
"Crap. I didn't tell Walter I was going to be out of town for the weekend." His random statement had her rolling her face into her shoulder, chuckling. "Hey. No giggling." He nudged her lightly. That action alone only had her giggling more.
Picking her head up off him, she couldn't help but smile at him. He always knew how to lighten the mood and make her smile. Even with a few tears streaking her cheeks, she still found reason to smile. But the hand that came up had her frowning. Unsure of his motives. Her eyes closed at his touch, leaning into his hand as his thumb swiped the tears from her cheek. If only. She released the breath she hadn't even realized she had been holding shakily.
"You're going to be okay Carter." Closing her eyes at his words she took in a deep breath through her nose. Reveling in his presence, his scent, his touch. She felt his arm around her shoulders pulling her closer into his side before she realized he had released her hand. This was dangerous territory, and she really should sit back up and put some distance between the two of them.
But that thought stayed at the back of her mind. The comfort she was getting from him was worth the risk. And right now, comfort was what she needed. She was going to take what she could without scrutinizing eyes watching their every move. Even for just a weekend.
END CHAPTER 1