After her conversation with Hicks, Lynch, and Hondo is over Chris sits in the kitchen trying to process what she has just done. The three of them had been all very understanding and Hicks had offered to give her more time. As much time as needed in fact, but Chris had just shaken her head.
Hondo had looked shocked, and she had struggled to look him in the eyes for a moment, but he told her he understood.
Finally, Lynch had told her to hold off on a final decision and come see her later.
The door opening and falling close pulls Chris out of her thoughts, and she lifts her head to see Street looking at her. His face betrays his happiness to see her but also his immense confusion about why she is here.
"Hey," he greets her walking over and sliding into the seat next to Chris. "Hondo mentioned you're here. Did the tests go that well?"
Chris cringes hearing his hope and then watches his face fall to a sad frown. She reaches for his hands and swallows thickly.
"Street, I need you to listen and understand. I wanted you to hear this from me," Chris starts, and Street can feel her shivering. Without thinking about it he wraps his arms around her.
"Whatever it is, I'll be here with you," he mumbles into her ear and squeezes her to him.
"True, but I won't be here." Chris chokes out.
Street freezes for a moment when her words register, and he pulls back to study Chris's face. Tears are streaming down her cheeks, and he moves his hands to helplessly wipe at those tears.
"What? Why?" he stutters out shocked before realizing the only thing he can do right now is hug Chris as long as she needs.
He feels the sobs rocking her body over and over and rubs soothing circles on her back. They even stay this way when the door to the kitchen opens.
Street turns his head slightly to check who came in and his eyes land on a frowning Detective Lynch. The woman doesn't even miss a beat and simply says "Alonso, we can have that meeting now,".
Chris immediately stiffens in his arms and pushes off him. Her hands move to try and salvage her disheveled appearance. "I'll be right up," she manages to press out before she grabs for her stick, and a little wobbly moves to the sink.
While Chris splashes her face with cold water and dries off the streaks of mascara, Street exchanges a worried look with Lynch before the detective leaves the kitchen. He tries to figure out what is going on but figures Chris will explain later.
When Chris turns around she can see Street still leaning against the table, checking his watch. "You don't have to wait for me. I'll see you at home. Okay?"
Jim lets out a breath he hadn't realized he held. Just hearing Chris say she'll see him at home calms him down.
"Ah, I couldn't have taken you home anyway… my bike is really not ideal. But I can ask Deac or Tan to wait," he tries for some humor while making sure she has a safe option later.
"No, don't. I'll just take a cab or an uber later. I'll be safe. I promise," Chris walks to him and presses her lips softly to his cheek. Jim closes his eyes and revels in the fact she felt secure and safe enough for this gesture right now.
After the obligatory Good luck, Chris makes her way upstairs while Street heads home.
About 40 minutes later Chris sits in a cab Lynch had the desk sergeant order, on her way home. Her head is spinning, and she doesn't realize she has arrived at her destination until the cabby turns to her.
With an embarrassed smile and a slight blush, she pays and makes her way inside and upstairs.
In front of her door, Chris hesitates for a moment, but after a deep breath, she turns the key in the lock and steps in.
Street hears the door open and turns to her with a nervous smile. He hopes Lynch didn't aggravate Chris more. Seeing her seemingly frozen in place he jokes.
"You made it just in time. I have dinner ready in a sec," he places a wink at the end of his statement and has to suppress a smirk at Chris' immediately shocked expression.
"You cooked?" she raises an eyebrow and starts sniffling lightly as if to check that nothing has burnt.
"Come on," he replies with a mock hurt while placing his hands on his heart, "I went by the food truck. You up for Guatemalan specialties?"
Chris can't help the small laugh escaping as she nods her head and sits down at the table.
"I was thinking the sofa…" Street offers while taking the two plates he prepared and finally Chris notices that he already set up drinks and paper towels at the coffee table.
She can see it in his eyes he is contemplating how to help her while also carrying the plates and so she just lightly glares at him and pushes off the chair.
After Chris has made herself comfortable at the couch, she feels the cushions dip when Street sits down.
They eat in silence until Chris mumbles "You're probably curious what Lynch wanted," and lifts her head to search his eyes.
"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but maybe talking will help?" he replies softly.
Chris places he plate on the table and shuffles over to him as best as she can, confusing Street a little since she leaves her safe spot. The spot where she can rest her left side, so she is secured from falling off.
She reaches for his hands and entangles their fingers. "We should talk about it." She mumbles and leans against him.
Jim nods his head and waits for Chris to continue, when she stays silent, he prompts her "And what did she say?"
"Lynch, and apparently Hicks, have made some plans for me, well they put options in place for me, now that it is all but certain I won't come back to the field again," Chris starts her explanation but chokes up again. She drops her eyes from his and focuses on his thumb that is stroking her right hand.
Jim stays quiet and this time waits for Chris to find her words on her own. He is shocked but also isn't. She hasn't made any real progress in weeks.
"I see your thumb on my hand, but I still can't feel it," Chris's voice is thick, and a lone tear has started rolling down her cheek. With his free hand, he swipes it away.
"There still is time," he whispers but Chris shakes her head.
"No, listen to me. Really listen." Chris vehemently stops him. "The tests they ran today. There is almost zero chance I will regain feeling in my fingers. I can't go back to the field and that's what I told Hicks, Lynch, and Hondo when I had my meeting with them. They have put things in motion for me to officially go off active status and move into an administrative position within SWAT if I chose to stay." she rushes out.
Street tries to process all of this while still comforting Chris. He doesn't dare voice the one thought that still hasn't been talked about. He is a little afraid about her state of mind right now. Knowing full well what it means to lose this job.
"So, what do you think?" Chris turns her head up and studies his face.
"Sorry, I was lost in thought. What are your options within SWAT then? Or didn't she say?" he smiles a little embarrassed.
Chris chuckles a little and leans up to press a kiss to his jawline, right under his ear. Smiling at hearing him suck in a breath.
"Chris?" Street raises an eyebrow at her and places his arms on her shoulders. His voice was a little stern leading Chris to giggle.
"Come on be serious," he pleads with her while her left hand lands on his chest.
Chris takes a deep breath. "She gave me multiple options. Some more training to figure out what it is in the end but bottom line I'd move to admin and or support and we wouldn't be violating any policies anymore," she smiles at him and leans forward again.
She places her forehead on his and their eyes are dancing for what feels like an eternity.
Street licks his lips staring into Chris's deep brown eyes and whispers "Are you really ready?"
Chris barely nods and then feels his lips on hers.
It's their way of promising each other that this will be okay. They will be okay, as long as they have each other.