Frayed Lines

It felt as if she was just going through the motions at this point but that was only because she was. Lock herself up in the lab, bring out the Vex core, attempt integration, fail, document, attempt integration, fail, document, attempt integration…

Into a dead computer. She was trying to integrate into a dead computer. She told herself that over and over again. It never sounded any more sane the more she did so. Kayla shot out of her seat, grabbed the core and stomped towards the back of the room, practically throwing it back into storage. "Delete that last documentation, Sixx," she ordered, leaving the lab behind and making for the plaza.

Her legs moved on autopilot. She couldn't be bothered to pay attention to where she was going so it fell to Sixx to warn her when she was about to run headlong into a person or a wall. The Ghost remained silent otherwise, including within her head. Part of her was grateful for the silence but another wanted him to say something. Anything. She even considered going to Aashir; her desperation was almost comical.

The Black Garden was yet another Vex stronghold. Just as with the Vault, just as with the Endless Steps, there would be constructs that they would need to manipulate to their own ends and logically, who better than her? She could already hear the responses. Aashir's anger, Ikora's admonishment, Aro's concern and guilt. And they would be right. The Vex Collective could tear her to pieces and that, she feared, was probably the least of it.

But more than fear, she felt anticipation. Because what if it worked, as it had before? Cabal security measures a Ghost would need precious time to break down fell to her with little more than a thought. And if that was what she was capable of, with as little training as she has had, what had Eriana been capable of before her death? What of after, with Pride's backing? Rasputin's silence told her much.

Everything Kayla knew of her came from Tower records. She saw mention of her work with the Praxic Fire. She saw that she had been a candidate for Warlock Vanguard after Osiris was relieved of his position and remained so if anything should have happened to Ikora. She saw mention of Wei-Ning and Sai Mota. She learned of the things the former's loss drove her to do. She crossed boundaries, she took risks. Incredible risks but necessary ones.

"And they all failed," she muttered to herself. Six powerful Guardians lost, three of them twisted into shadows of their former selves and from what Kayla had learned, Eriana had a relationship, in one way or another, with each of them. They had been her friends. She thought of her own, her team. They were still on the Reef, tying up loose ends. She thought if they'd support her, as the others did for Eriana. She thought of what they would say. The obvious, of course; that it was too dangerous. Unnecessary. Not worth the risk to her.

They cared and she'd always appreciate that but it was no secret that both of them were defined by loss. Blinded by it, even. Her gamble brought Daniel and Aro back through the Vex Gate. Her risk stunned the Gate Lord, giving them time to take it down. How many of their victories required such risks; risks that were only unnecessary until they weren't? Until one or even all of them were nearly dead? Why did she need to wait? Why did it need to come to that?

She spoke out loud again but not to herself. "You're quiet."

Sixx appeared over her shoulder. "Making sense of your thoughts is a full-time job," he replied, "All this going back and forth…"

"My thoughts are my own," she said, not unkindly. She stopped her directionless walk and nodded at him. "Tell me what you think."

The Ghost's shell rotated slightly as his single eye turned down towards the ground. "I'm as conflicted as you are. It's dangerous-"

"But it needs to be done."

"I know that but it's dangerous"

"Everything we do is dangerous," she leaned over the railing. "It all still needs to be done."

Sixx sighed. "I know." Her eyes were on the Traveler. He joins her. After a few moments of silence, Sixx says, "I'll support you, Kayla. But I can't make these decisions for you. It's you who takes the risks. You're the one who decides if it is worth it."

Kayla squeezes the railing tightly and then let her hands go loose. She resumes her walk, absent from the world but no longer so preoccupied.

As quiet as she could, Akira made her way down the hall, away from Trey's room and towards Z's office. She could hear the voices as she drew closer, all of them talking over her husband. She couldn't hear the words said but she didn't need to. They were discussing the unrest caused by the Exo murders, not in what it was doing to the stability of the populace but how it was affecting their business and their campaigns. And how her husband was letting them down by not quelling it all on his own.

Some wanted him to use his position as the Commander's son to call in the Guardians. Some argued that they'd need only one; his sister. One of those in agreement was Executor Hideo. He even argues for the inclusion of Crona's team. Either way, he assured Z that New Monarchy stood ready to aid them in any way possible. A political ploy Z was still adamantly unwilling to entertain.

Akira was in the doorway now, leaning against the frame, getting a good look at his slumped shoulders and the ruffled hair. What was surely intended to be a discussion of solutions turned into what it was likely meant to be; space and an unwilling ear to voice grievances into. All of it was clearly wearing on him. In Hideo's case, she wouldn't be surprised if that was the whole point.

Their meeting ends with the assurance of another and when the projection faded, she could see how tired his eyes looked. His shoulders had slumped even further somehow and as soon as he felt free to, his hands began running through his hair; an old nervous tic.

When she tapped her knuckle against the doorframe, Z started, still having not seen her standing in the doorway. It'd be amusing if it weren't so sad. He combed his hair from his eyes. "How long have you been-"

"A while. Guess you didn't hear the security disengage?"

He grunted, shaking his head. "Trey?"

"In bed, waiting for you to wish him goodnight."

"Right…right." He stood, stretching his back and all but shuffling out from behind his desk. His hand squeezed her shoulder as he walked past. She took hold of it before he could get too far away.

He stopped. She could feel his gaze on the top of her head. "You're right, you know?"

She could almost hear him blink. "About?"

"About not wanting to involve the Guardians." She let that settle before she came to the next part. "But…maybe if you spoke to them-"

"There's nothing to speak about." He tried to pull his arm away but she kept her grip. He looked at her again and spoke slowly, his patience already thin. "They have bigger things to worry about."

"This is still their city. Their home," she argued back, "They would want to see it safe. They'd want to help you. I know that. You know that."

"I do know that and it's why I won't ask." He pulled away again and this time she let him go. He didn't leave. They stood together in the darkened hallway of their silent home for a while before he broke it again. "They have their burdens and I have mine," he murmured, "I won't add to it."

"But is that not what they're there for? Sharing your burdens?"

"They have enough to worry about," he repeats stubbornly. She ground her teeth. He was just like…

She shoved that thought away; down a flight of proverbial stairs. When she didn't respond, he continued, "I'm not a Guardian." His voice had grown soft. "Always wanted to be, as a kid. Protecting humanity, working with my father, learning from him. Just wasn't meant to be." He let out a weary sigh. "I don't see him as often or Crona."

He turned around and faced a window looking out from his study, looking out at the night sky and the stars. She wrapped her arms around hisf, leaning her head against his shoulder. "What goes on out there is just…so much bigger than what is happening here. With everything Crona is risking, I need her and Father to know that we can keep things under control here. Crona can worry about saving us from extinction and Father can focus on her, as he should." The pain in his voice was palpable and it felt old. Old pain and resignation. "Their concerns are bigger than mine. Bigger than me."

When she spoke again, she tried not to let the fear and grief she could feel welling up inside her show in her voice, even as it all threatened to strangle her from within. Whatever more she wanted to say suddenly seemed so irrelevant. So she just asked, "Are you done for today?"

A pause as Z kept his eyes on the window. He then said, "No." He finally looked at her. "But it can wait."

She would take it. She pressed a kiss to his arm and nudged him away. She watched him walk down the hall and before he could turn the corner that would lead him to Trey's room, he stopped. He huffed out a laugh.

"We've got a runner," he muttered, reaching down and straightening out with an exaggerated grunt. Akira saw little legs wrap around her husband's torso and arms wrap around his shoulders, broadened compared to before. As if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders.

"I escaped all your traps," a small, sleepy voice responded.

"That's not fair. I only reset half of them." Z's voice was light and almost laughing. Z's head turned back to her and then he stepped back. "Say goodnight to mommy, little man."

He did. Two words and Akira felt herself lighten as well. She said it back with a blown kiss. Her son grinned and her heart fluttered.

Her husband promised to meet her in their bedroom. As he walked Trey back to bed, he even heard him promise their son they'd do something special for breakfast together. Regardless, she knew he'd be awake early to make up for the time she took from him tonight.

Her mind flashed to the writing on their wall she had seen as they were returning. Writing Trey hadn't seen, thankfully. "USELESS" written in bold red paint. She had scratched at it, after she had let Trey inside and before she had gone to see her husband. Dry but it came off easily enough. It seemed she would be awake early as well, if she was to make sure Z never saw it either.

A plate full of food was placed down loudly before her, causing Mira to startle. "You know…" Katrina dropped down across the table from her, just as brusquely. "I don't think I've ever seen you here alone."

Mira's lips twisted into a wry grin. "Could say the same about you."

Katrina waved her hand dismissively, the other holding a fork, digging into her food. "Jessie rarely eats and Sora had a lunch conference. She invited me but…"

"You ran away?"

"'Run' is a strong word…"

"But is it accurate?"

"I power walked at most." Katrina kicked her beneath the table, earning a chuckle from Mira and kicking her again. "So, May, Shino. How are they?"

Mira could feel the air around them change, such was the effect Katrina had whenever she deigned to be serious. Mira tried and failed to ignore it. "They're fine…" Katrina just stared, eating her food without saying a word or making a sound. Unblinking and waiting.

Mira broke first. She always did. "We've…dropped from the Iron Banner."

"Oh…" Katrina blinked and then shrugged. "Not that big of a surprise, is it? Given everything we're dealing with. It wasn't a bad decision you all had to make."

"We didn't make the decision," Mira said, "I did. And when I told them, they…didn't care."

Katrina stopped eating, eyes searching Mira's. She straightened out. "Yeah, they…didn't seem to care. They seemed more angry that I put them in the same room. They don't even talk anymore and if they do…" Mira huffed out a bitter laugh. "It never goes well and there's never anything I can do about it. They don't listen to me either."

Never more so than now did she feel that she was failing as a leader. Never more so than now did she think of how much better at all this Marie would have been. Never more so than now has she been ashamed at that small, suppressed part of her that wished they had never gone to the Moon. As if she could regret having saved May.

But thinking about Marie led to thinking about her death and thinking about her death led to thinking about who had caused it. That's when she found herself understanding Shino. The guilt he carries and the emotions that come with having to see her killer's face.

It had been tolerable for her at first but then Mars happened. That same pressure Pride had exuded on the Moon and then again on Venus had been felt a third time; just from someone new this time.

"This is about Aro." Katrina wasn't asking. Mira only grunted. "I understand. A little more than you know," she continued. A small smile grew on her lips and her hand came down gently on her wrist. "Just tell me you haven't given up on them."

She meant what she had said on Mars. She wanted them to talk; come to an understanding that Aro wasn't going anywhere and Marie wasn't coming back. Too much has happened to let something like this come between them now. She wouldn't let this be the thing that broke them.

Mira gave a small smile, one with confidence she wasn't sure was real. "Not just yet."

Khan transmatted her coat away after Mira shrugged it off. The bar's interior was already humid from the bodies crowding it. Shino wasn't hard to find in a place like this or most other places. Just look for the nearest crowd or the most raucous one and odds are, you'd find him at the center of it.

So that's what she did. One thing she knew of Shino was that his tolerance for alcohol didn't match his size. Mira found him quickly, white hair pulled back into its usual ponytail, sweaty, purple-faced and arm-wrestling another Guardian. "Shino," she called once the other Guardian's arm was flat against the table. The man started, as if he hadn't been expecting her to find him here. As if she had not invited them, the both of them.

"Mira!" he called back with a rueful grin. He stood from the bench and began to jostle his way out of the crowd, waving for her to follow. She could smell the sour mix of alcohol and sweat on him as he walked past. She followed him and was led to the bar. "Was wonderin' when you'd arrive. Want your usual?" He put up two fingers before she could answer.

"How long have you been here?" Mira asked.

Huge shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. "An hour or two. Or three. Haven't been keeping much track of time." Two small glasses of viscous, bright blue fluid were placed before them. Shino put his hand on one and slid it across the bartop with too much strength, Mira's reflexes being the only thing that kept it from flying off. His face hardened slightly. "Don't have much of it left."

He picked up his glass and brought it to his lips before stopping. Then, he held his glass out to her, smiling again, wiggling his eyebrows. She sighed but tapped her finger to the glass, sending a gentle spark, setting the surface alight. She did the same on her own. They both let the flame burn for a few seconds before blowing it out and downing the shot before it could get cold. The sweetness made her eyes water but it was the heat that got to her. The heat was what scalded her throat, her chest, her stomach, even the space behind her eyes and Mira let out an involuntary shiver just to let some of the heat off.

Shino let out a full-on wolf's howl, earning eyes and cheers from those around them. He slammed the tempered glass back down. "Oh," he groaned, "I feel like I could breathe fire." He chuckled bitterly after he said that, shaking his head.

"What?" Mira asked.

"Nothing at all." A lie. Shino waved down the serving frame. "Another!" He thundered.

"Mira…" Khan's quiet voice permeated her thoughts.

"It'll be fine," she thought back before accepting the next drink. Her throat was still numb from the first. She still winced. "May, have you seen her?"

She could feel any good humor he had evaporate into the air. "No." He took down the next shot. "Why? We don't need her to have some fun."

"That…" Mira stopped herself. She confirmed with Khan that May's Ghost had received her message. Having fun was the point. Having fun together, just as they did before…everything. "It's just that we usually do these things together."

"We did. And now we don't."

The venom with which he said that made Mira grit her teeth. They greeted even harder when he gestured for yet another round. Her head was already swimming and he had been buzzed by the time she got here. "Shino, maybe you should slow down a bit."

"I'll decide that," he snapped back, anger glimmering behind the haze in his eyes. Two more drinks were placed down before him. "We most likely aren't going to see the next week through. I'm not going to spend the last few days I have left being bitched at for how I feel about certain people who are responsible for the certain things that will get me killed!"

They were drawing different looks now. It was clear he didn't care. He snatched up one of the glasses, tiny in his fist and thrust it towards her chest, expectantly. "So you can either enjoy yourself with me or you can leave me alone, like she's doing. What's it gonna be?"

Her vision swam as she tried to focus on his hand and the drink and she grimaced. He wasn't wrong about what was coming. But hearing him say without words that he'd rather spend his last days without May or even her made her heart ache something fierce.

When she looked back at him, his eyes had become hooded. He looked profoundly disappointed. "Suit yourself," he grunted. He downed his shot and then her's right after and dropped both glasses back on the bar. "See you in the field, Mira."

He left her there. She couldn't find her voice in time to stop her. Mira returned to the stairs, taking them one by one. Khan kept silent, returning her jacket to her arms. She hefted it on, shoved her hands in the pockets and made her way back to her room, hoping she wouldn't see anyone she knew. Anyone who would ask about the redness in her eyes.