She's in love
With her broken heart
She's in love with the dark
"With The Dark" from The Else by They Might Be Giants
"Max?" someone said, shaking him by the shoulder. Max felt far too tired to even care about someone he couldn't recognize in his house trying to shake him up. The dream took all his energy—had it been a dream? "I know that you've awoken. Why have you not opened your eyes?" That sounded familiar, even if the voice didn't. "I'm growing concerned for your health, Max. Do you need help? Nourishment? Medicine?"
With a groan, Max forced one eye open—his partner?! Adrenaline shot him up enough for him to see it was just a charmander, not his partner. That's the only sight he could make out before spots invaded his vision and balance left him. He felt himself sway, then felt warm, scaled arms. His body remembered the sensation; he'd already wrapped himself around the stranger.
"Please, be careful," it said. "Your spirit left you again last night, but it seemed burdened when you returned." Well, that cleared up who the hell this charmander in his house was. It brought its paws up to his neck to drag its claws down his back, with generous pats the whole time. The movements, stiff and uncertain, still brought a healthy dose of relief.
Max risked peaking one eye open again and looked at the back of the psuedomander's head, asking, "Dark Matter?"
It nodded its head. "I must apologize for this form. I grew concerned for your physical health, and this is the only form I am familiar enough with to bring into the physical plane," it explained. Max nodded along, but didn't pay much attention. He felt like he needed to sleep more, but the thought made him squeeze Dark Matter tighter. No, he couldn't. Never again.
Tremors rattled him from his chest to his tail. Dark Matter stiffened at first, but tried its best to squeeze tighter without strangling him. Only after the tears sizzled off hot scales did Max realize he'd begun crying. Dark Matter squeezed him tighter when he tried to hold back the sobs as if coaxing them out, but the tears stopped regardless.
Max pat Dark Matter's back and pulled away, keeping one paw on it to make sure he had enough strength to stand. It took a moment to stabilize, but he managed. After he proved he could, Dark Matter grabbed him by the shoulders and looked directly into his eyes. "I urge you to rest longer," it said, lightly guiding the chu to sit against the wall.
While he grumbled in opposition, Max didn't offer any resistance and acquiesced to the demand. The psuedomander's touch felt soft, but firm enough to feel secure. He thought back to their first meeting where it'd struggled to smile without ripping its own face off. "You're a lot… better at this," he said.
Dark Matter gave a subtle smile in response and said, "Thank you, I have been practicing." After watching Max a moment to make sure he was stable, it went to the side and grabbed a few pawfuls of berries and fruit that Max didn't remember having. "I picked these up at the store." Before he could ask any questions, it started semi-forcibly feeding him a sitrus berry. "If you eat this, I will provide a chesto berry that I've hidden so you may stave off sleep."
That made Max scarf the berry down. Anything to keep himself out of those dreams. He barely had time to taste it before he'd swallowed it all and Dark Matter pulled the paw holding the promised Chesto from behind its back. If he'd had time, he would've rolled his eyes at the 'hiding place', but he was too busy scarfing it down.
Whether because of the sitrus, the chesto, or even a combination of the two, he felt his energy returning. Not all at once, but enough to let him stand more confidently. He didn't, figuring Dark Matter would stop him, but he felt like he could. "Thanks," he said.
That piqued Dark Matter's interest and made it stare at Max for a moment, but it only said, "Of course." As it went to grab more food for him, Max took the opportunity to get up and stretch. Legs, arms, neck, little flexes to get the blood flowing and test their strength. He felt fine but still took it slow. He went to start his new fur routine when Dark Matter said, "Don't worry, I already took care of your fur while you slept."
"Really?" Max asked. Looking his fur over confirmed that, yep, it had spread that serum through. Did a pretty good job, too. "Thanks." How tired was he if he slept through that? That dream, what did it do? How?
He shook the worry out of his head as best he could. If he wanted to even consider thinking about that, he'd need some fresh air. He grabbed his bag, felt for his scarf, and looked back at Dark Matter but paused before telling it to get back in his head. A few days ago, it had seemed hesitant to return, and apparently it'd been practicing using that body. If it could go to the store, why not let it stay out? "I'm gonna take a walk to clear my head," he said. "Wanna tag along?"
Dark Matter tilted its head and narrowed its eyes. "Are you not aware of your speech?" it asked. Max gave a blank stare in response, so it continued. "You have spoken exclusively as a feral since you woke."
"Ka?!" Max shouted, hearing himself for the first time. A paw went to his mouth. "P-pika—chu! Pi pi pika! Chu?!" The panic he'd hoped to stave off with the walk launched at him with full force. The nightmare came back to him, feeling himself—his very soul—slip away from fear—had he gone feral in his dream?!
Dark Matter wrapped its arms around him again, whispering, "Worry not." It ran its claws down his back. "You have persevered against this before, haven't you?" Its grip loosened to pull back so it could look him in the eyes, but Max held tighter instead. "Neb is here, as well. So, too, is Cori. So, too, am I." It rested its head on top of his; Max's shaking slowed. "You are not alone, nor are you voiceless. I can still understand you."
Max got a face-full of chest this time and realized Dark Matter had bent down to match his level last time. Right, his partner was a good bit taller than him, too. The embrace brought a warmth so secure, he could already feel his fear melting away as his tears stopped their flow. He took a deep breath to feel the warmth and maybe it was his own tears evaporating, but he could swear he felt the same relaxing steam of yesterday's tea. Of course, Dark Matter had a strikingly different aroma than the tea; it certainly had gone to the store while Max had slept.
"Max?" Dark Matter said, snapping Max out of his reverie.
He jerked out of the embrace and sputtered, "P-pi?" A light burn of anxiety overtook the warm comfort he'd felt in the embrace while sparks bounced down his cheeks. "S-sorry. Just still—tired!" A simple glance up at the psuedomander's eyes lit the burn into an inferno, so he kept his eyes firmly trained on his own paws. He shook his head—what was he thinking? Probably just out of it.
The light touch of a warm paw on his shoulder halted his errant shivers. "Have I done something to hurt you?" Dark Matter asked.
"No!" Max blurted out, grabbing its outstretched paw with both of his own. "I've just got a lot on my mind, like," he glanced down at the paw he cradled and unceremoniously dropped it, "The dream." His own nonsense speech burned his ears. "And this speech thing."
Dark Matter mirrored Max's gesture and reached out to hold his paw in two of its own. "Shall we go see Neb?" it asked. "Or would you rather spend some more time rest?" It gave a subtle smile for comfort that Max couldn't see with his eyes glued on the paw it cradled. The thought of them spending more time alone together made him sweat. "I could even go get her, if you'd like some time alone."
"Yep!" he said a bit too eagerly. "Or, sorry." He looked down with a cloak of guilt weighing him down. Every word suddenly needed a thousand times more consideration, but of course it would. He just felt a bit more vulnerable, that was all. No emotions more complex than some simple sensitivity from the overwhelming… everything going on. "I think, yeah. I just need some time alone. I've got a lot on my mind." To ask for more time away from it felt like a sin.
Nevertheless, Dark Matter pulled him into another hug, stroking the fur on the back of his head (which brought its own kind of shiver, now). "It's no trouble. I'm here to help however I can," it said, but then chuckled, "Or, not here, as it so happens." Max tried to force a chuckle when it pulled away to smile down at him. It tilted its head in thought for a moment and Max thought his heart had stopped. Long after it had moved for the door, he still saw it looking down at him. Examining him. "I will return, my friend."
The sheer glee it said 'friend' with made Max smile. "See ya!" he called back with an excited wave. His gaze lingered on the door long after Dark Matter had shut it, and he cradled the paw it had held. The smile grew slightly as he replayed the goodbye in his mind, but then he caught himself. "What are you thinking!" He shook his head and went over to flop down on his straw bed.
"Pull yourself together," he grumbled, paws rubbing his eyes. The entire interaction played back in his head as he tried to pick apart his rattled mind's crossed wires. Of course he recognized the fluttering in his chest, the particular comfort of being held in its arms, the warmth spreading from his cheeks down to his—but it was just the morning. Just needed to wake up some more. Maybe he was just lonely, that made sense. Before Cori, it had been Max's only real companion for months.
To prove his own certainty, he flopped his paw over to the pile of berries Dark Matter had left. Breakfast, yeah. He didn't pay attention to whatever he shoved down his gullet, but he didn't much care. Food was food.
Yet, he couldn't eat fast enough to keep his mind from wandering, and the most tempting topic was of course the one he wanted the least: last night. His lungs felt empty again, but he could still breathe. That voice rang in his head again, so agonizingly familiar. No matter how many times he told himself it was the same voice as before, he couldn't believe it.
A dream, it should have been a harmless nightmare, but of course it felt too real, and now he couldn't speak. All he could manage was worthless babble. That is, worthless babble to everyone else but—no. Dark Matter could understand him, but he refused to attribute any meaning beyond convenience to that fact. Not another thought…
Besides, he didn't even know if Dark Matter's form was a guy or a girl. It seemed to have cared enough to make it a charmander, not just a perfect copy of his partner. It could be either, neither, maybe even both…
Of course, he couldn't bring himself to mind either way…
He was alone for how long?
Max shot up out of his bed and jumped to the wall. Counting notes, right, that could help bring his speech back. North started at one, two three, well these notes could do for some refreshing, couldn't they. Nevertheless, he counted one after the other in his head while his paw ran along the marks past passes left. His paws didn't have claws quite as large as Dar—Cori's, but they could still leave holes and scratches in paper.
In doing his rounds, that vague sense of wrongness seemed to grow. It was identical to last time, he knew that, and yet that felt wrong. It should have shifted. Even just a draft, surely, would've knocked a note or two off the wall, right? How was this normal—right?
Deep breath. In. Out. He reached North again and started his counting over. Surroundings weren't supposed to change. He knew that. Every count, he told himself it was normal, right, that it hadn't changed. Every single number higher, he repeated that in his head, so much that he could almost believe he believed it. He needed to believe it, so he decided that he did. No matter how strong the sinking in his gut felt.
After the second round, his focus waned, but he forced himself to keep going, trying to stave off the temptation to go on autopilot, but he could only manage so much. Halfway through his fifth lap, he couldn't keep his focus on counting no matter how hard he tried. The numbers themselves had lost all meaning.
He'd done it, though. Those laps probably did wonders for his mental state! He flopped down onto his bed to relax. That had to fix his speech—he was sure of it! "Pi—" he bashed his paws over his eyes and dragged them down his face. "Why!"
Right when he screamed, someone rushed through the door. Max didn't bother taking his paws off his eyes. He heard pawsteps approaching him and still remained stalwart in his non-reaction. When the pokémon crouched down to poke him in the side, he recognized the feeling of the claw that jabbed him. "Are you all right?" Dark Matter asked.
Max nodded, but stayed hidden behind his paws. Dark Matter stayed crouched over him. It waited for him to move his paws; he waited for it to give up on that. When it grabbed his wrist and pulled it up, he didn't have the energy to resist. Instead, he just glared at the psuedomander with the one eye. It looked back, intrigued, but Max refused to give it any more reaction, so it carefully lowered the paw back down to his eye.
Hearing Dark Matter stand back up made Max sigh in relief. "He is living," Dark Matter announced to someone behind it. "It is my belief that he is upset."
"I'd have to agree," Neb chuckled. Right, it went to get Neb. She walked over to stand over Max's head. He did his best to ignore her, but couldn't resist a growl when she rested her muzzle on his forehead. "Is someone a sleepy little chu?"
Max finally gave up threw his arms up and shouted, "Pika!" The sudden movement gave him enough room to sit up.
"Max, please," Neb sighed. "I came here because… your friend?" She looked over at Dark Matter with a raised brow. "Said you needed help."
Max tilted his head from his own confusion at Dark matter. "You introduced yourself, right?" he asked.
Dark Matter shook its head. "I merely told her you needed help. Further expounding on extraneous details felt a waste of precious time," it explained. Max slapped a paw over his face.
Max turned to her with narrow eyes and mumbled, "Sorry. It's new to. Everything." The continued confusion on Neb's face reminded him why he needed her in the first place. "Please translate."
Without hesitation, Dark Matter looked to Neb and said, "He said, 'sorry, it's new to everything.'"
This didn't help Neb at all. She squinted at the charmander she had still never met in abject confusion with scarce glances to Max for help she knew he couldn't offer. "It?" she asked.
"Introduce yourself," Max growled.
"But we have already met," Dark Matter argued. Max glared at it and prepared to tackle the ornry little shit if it didn't do what he said in three. Two. It turned to Neb and said, "Hello, we've met before. I'm Dark Matter."
Finally, the slightest bit of relief. Max already wanted to go back to bed. "And you can understand him?" Neb asked. It nodded, but she waited for Max to confirm. She looked back at Dark Matter and scanned its form. For a moment, she started to circle him for closer examination before shaking herself out of it. It could just do this. She could ask questions later. "And you're having trouble talking?"
Max nodded, shrinking in on himself.
"Hey," she cooed, resting a paw on his shoulder. "It's all right, okay?" Her optimistic smile only made him bitter. "Have you managed any words?" He shook his head. She leaned in and nuzzled the crook of his neck. "Recovery isn't a straight line, all right? Plenty of pokémon relapse." Max could only manage a reaction of frustration at her for not telling him sooner. She squeezed her way between him and the wall and sat down around him to embrace the sorrowful chu. "I promise it's not as bad as you think it is. Can you think of any triggers?"
At last, Max could answer in the affirmative. He turned towards Dark Matter and started explaining, "I had a dream last night that felt like I was dying, but then I went feral instead." He stopped for a moment, but then remembered another crucial detail. "Oh, and tell her about my soul leaving and stuff."
Dark Matter did exactly that without hesitation. As it translated and explained, Max watched Neb's supportive smile fade into empathetic hurt that turned to terror when Dark Matter mentioned his seemingly burdened soul returning from somewhere that wasn't his body. What little comfort he could take in her confidence dissolved into guilt. Maybe this was a bit too much detail.
A pregnant silence hung in the air when Dark Matter finished. Seconds ticked by as Neb tried to think of the right words to say. Max found himself cuddling into her fur for support, though he wasn't quite sure if he needed the comfort, or she did. Either way, it gave her the courage to finally say, "Oh."
An involuntary whine squeaked its way out of Max's throat. Neb looked up at him with concern fully weighted with the proper context. "Your life just doesn't get easier, does it?" she finally chuckled out.
The awkward silence collapsed in the face of her giggles; anxiety and isolation collapsed with it. What a relief to hear someone else—anyone else—finally acknowledge it. Her mirth spread to him, cut the isolating tension out of his heart. "Even when I try to get it together," he sighed, looking at Neb and continuing before Dark Matter could finish the translation. "Nothing's easy. Ever! It doesn't matter if I'm falling down the cliff or climbing up. There's always something new tugging me down coming."
Neb perked up as Dark Matter shared. She pulled him in tighter to squeeze him into a hug and nuzzled his cheek with her own (the reflexive sparks bouncing into her didn't seem to bother her). "So you are trying to get it together?" she teased. "No more burning bridges?" A glint of mischief lit in her eyes. "Or, I suppose food stores would be more appropriate?"
"Yes!" Max complained, throwing his paws into the air; a roll of Neb's eyes told Dark Matter it didn't need to translate. He met her gaze when she pulled away with the meanest glare he could muster. Tried to, at least. In reality, he'd contracted her amused smile. Chuckles threatened to breach his lips, so he bit down on his cheek. She would not. Win like this again.
Mischief sparking in her eyes pulled her smile into a smirk. Max felt the slightest chill—what was she planning? The assault came before he could prepare his defenses; at least Neb had the mercy to make it a warning shot. Her paw flew to his side, right under his ribcage, where his belly curved ever so slightly concave in the transition to his hips—a critical hit for an assault of tickles.
"Nonono!" Max launched up out of her embrace with a torrent of giggles. When his paws hit the floor, she tackled him back down, smushing his arms down with her forepaws while crouching over him like a predator. Prey instincts in the back of his mind demanded he resist, throw her off—shock! Attack!—but her cocky grin defanged even his harshest impulse.
"You know," she hissed, leaning down to whisper in his ear. Was she intentionally trying to make him think he was her breakfast? "With your luck, I can kind of get why you'd escape into the dungeons." A gleeful malice in her voice convinced him she was. "But." She pulled away, staring him directly in the eyes with a hungry gaze. "I've got no idea how you thought you'd survive in them."
Silence. Terror. The prey instincts in the back of his mind had rioted to the front to scream at him. His teeth clenched in a nervous echo of his smile. She was ready to pounce; he was at her mercy. It happened all at once—her paws freed his arms as she lunged down so fast that he could only scream in resistance as she bore down on him.
Specifically his belly. With her paws. Kneading it like dough. "You're just far too chubby and cute for a life in the wild, you know," she sighed wistfully.
"Okay!" he groaned, shoving her off with his tail and scurrying away. She looked at him with feigned offense that couldn't resist laughter for a second. "Come on. Didn't you come here to help me?" He waited for Dark Matter to translate for him, but instead heard another voice laughing at him. "Since when can you laugh?!"
"In spending time with one such as yourself, the act becomes an inevitability," it explained. Neb looked at it for the other half of the story. When it explained, "He asked me how I'd learned how to laugh," she began to howl.
"Arceus, you," she started, but her own laughs interrupted her. Max grit his teeth. "Hah! If anyone can kill him with words, I think it's you." It bowed while Max tried desperately to feel (or at the very least look) mad. Instead, he had to cover his mouth to attempt to hide his own chuckles. He wasn't sure if the laughs were genuine, or if he needed them to be, but they got out either way. "Awww, what happened to my little grumpichu?" At Neb's prodding, he at least managed a playful glare. She shrugged it off and took a breath to settle down. "Anyway, glad to have you out of the dumps again."
Max balked at the implication all of that was meant to cheer him up, but the results spoke for themselves. "Think you could try to speak again?" Neb asked.
The fun was over, but Max still tried to keep his smile on. It was worth a try. "Okay," he timidly tested. Immediate failure made him crave violence, but Neb watched with an encouraging smile that encouraged him to keep trying. "Aah. Aahhpi. Aaaahhh-pi. Pi. Pi-pi-PI!" He slapped a paw over his face. Couldn't even isolate the syllables from themselves. And, like wind to dust, his fragile peace shattered and scattered.
A paw came to his shoulder again, Dark Matter's this time, and he pulled his paws down just enough to peek through his nubbins. "You will grow to overcome this. I am certain of it," it said. Its palm rubbing out the knots in his shoulder gave him some desperately needed stability; its assured gaze subsumed his own. He couldn't look away from its crystal blue eyes with the slightest hint of dark purple in the center of the iris that suggested a hidden depth he'd already fallen into. A tunnel to something deeper, something greater.
His deep gazing left him entirely unprepared when it dropped down to wrap its arms around him, yanking him into a hug. If he'd remembered to breathe up to that point, the sudden embrace stole what little reserves he'd managed. Its arms felt like his last tether to safety, cinched so tight he needn't worry in the slightest about his own grip. Nonetheless, he wrapped his arms as tightly around it as his body let him.
A deep breath, he sucked in the air tainted by where Dark Matter had run to and fro for him all this morning. The scent reminded him of all it had done for him. Not just that day, but every day since their agreement. He had meant to show it life worth living, yet it had done all that and more for him instead. "I love chyuu," he whispered.
Dark Matter nodded, squeezing him tighter and said, "I love you, too. Thank you." They pulled out of the embrace in perfect sync. Dark Matter turned to Neb, and Max followed suit.
"I've never heard you say 'chyu,' before," she said with a smile. "See? It's not hopeless." A hint of relief made it that much easier to breathe. He leaned into Dark Matter a bit without thinking about it to share in the mundane excitement, and suddenly Neb's smile turned a touch bashful. "After you told me, I figured you two had made amends." She looked to her paws, then the wall. "I didn't know you had grown… quite so close."
Dark Matter tugged Max to its side in another hug. "Incredible, is it not?" it cheered. "Of all you disdainful filth that inhabit this land, I never imagined that any of you would grow to be my friend."
Friend. The word shot a hole through Max's heart; Neb looked at him in time to see the damage. "Aww," she sighed, but quickly recovered and looked up to Dark Matter. "That's so sweet."
No. Wait, no. Max shook his head. None of that—she was making this subtext up! Why would he be upset to just be its friend? "N-Neb, look, I didn't, it's not a bad thing!" he stammered. "I'm not—it's fine, it's." Dark Matter began translating his gibberish, and all at once, he realized he couldn't tell her anything without it catching on. Not that it had any feelings to catch on to, but he didn't want to lead the poor ex-evil sphere on.
Neb nodded very slowly and shot Max a glance that suggested she could almost understand where he might be going, and they could talk about it later when he could. "Well, you're certainly a good subject for research," she said. "I'll try to find something more to help you, but for now, rest up. Don't go into any dungeons, obviously." She gave him a pointed glance to stamp out any objections. He pouted and looked off, accepting it for now only because he was too rattled to debate it.
Then, Dark Matter latched onto his paw with its own. "I will ensure he does not," it said with a nod. Max stammered out nonsense syllables a few times that couldn't even form a word he could understand with his eyes locked on the paw wrapped around his own. "Please, enjoy your time in this unfamiliar land. Make sure to ask us if you have any possible need." It ended its plea with a bow farewell.
"Of course," Neb chuckled. "Max?" The chu shot up out of his awe-struck stares and looked back to see Neb's knowing smile. The objections died in his throat when she raised her brow. "See you later."
When she turned to leave, he mumbled out, "L-later." Perhaps he could simply not think about its paw gently holding his own, the subtle beat of its simulated heartbeat, the slight sway from their barely dissonant stances that lessened the longer they held on.
…
Shit, he was thinking about it. "Max?" Dark Matter said. Max almost screamed from the shock of being torn so violently out of his own thoughts, but managed instead to look up, unassuming, his lips slightly pursed in interest for what it had to say. "Did you still wish to walk in order to clear your head?"
Max nodded with a bit of relief. Some fresh air would be nice. Some peace besides the monotony of the same room he'd spent eons in by that point.
"Let us go, then!" Dark Matter said. It started forward, paw still firmly holding Max's, who now realized the wrench in his plan.
"W-wait—wait!" Max said, yanking his paw back. Dark Matter stopped and looked back, eyes squinted in concern. "C-can you just walk around like that?" Of course it could—it already had!—so he needed a reason to worry. Well, perhaps someone who knew him would want to meet this new charmander holding his hand—bingo. "What if someone asks who you are? Y-you can't just tell random people you're Dark Matter!"
Max almost sighed in relief, but then Dark Matter said, "Eleos Infernum."
"What?"
"Eleos! Do you like it?" it started bouncing on its toes in excitement. "A dead god that presided over mercy—and then Infernum as the fate you chose to grant me mercy from!" The sheer excitement on its face made it tantamount that Max conceal the disappointment at his plan's failure.
"Eleos…," he mumbled (why pika-speak had an equivalent, he decided not to consider). "Yeah." A warm smile pulled his lips into a smile. "How did you think of that?"
The simple question stopped 'Eleos' in its tracks. It brought its free paw to its chin and tapped it. "I suppose this mind has a form, though I am uncertain how deeply I crafted it," it mumbled, then turned to Max. "Here, could you use your iron tail to slice into my forehead?"
Max stared in bafflement as it turned to him and tilted its head into a prime target for an iron tail. "No," Max said. Of all the various reasons not to, the first that came to his mind was, "I do not want to see that."
The demented-mander slumped down in disappointment, but accepted the answer. "I suppose I'll do it some other time," it mused.
"Please don't," Max said, squeezing its paw. Eleos turned to argue when it saw the concern soaking his eyes.
Instead, it smiled and brought its other paw to rest on the one it held captive. "As you wish, Buttercup," it said. Max had now idea what it meant, but felt some trace familiarity with what it was talking about. Maybe some other time he could ask about it. For now, he'd enjoy his time with Eleos.