Thomas left her apartment a few hours ago, and even though the words weren't said aloud, she knew, they both knew that their relationship had come to an end. Like the other men, Thomas wouldn't bear the bond she and Harvey shared and once again another relationship failed because she couldn't cut Harvey off.

For the past hour, she tried her best to calm down her nerves, but it seemed an impossible mission. Since Thomas left, she couldn't pace her thoughts and feelings. She tried crying, and she did cry, but the warm tears falling from her eyes wasn't enough to untie the knot in her throat.

She always claimed herself as the best at what she does, but in a few times when she had screwed things up the outcomes were always colossal. Like years ago, when she thought she had missed the existence of an important document from an old process and in order to protect Harvey she shredded the document and hid her doing from him, which made things way worse than they already were. And this time… in trying to not let Thomas feel as a fool in the ploy, she had made a hash of the deal, only because she couldn't wait a few more hours to let Harvey fix the problem as he promised he would do. Which made everything even worse than just losing an important client: the firm was sued as well. Harvey also became a target and he could lose the most important achievement he fought for during his life: his right to practice the law. And she was at fault for breaching privilege. She would never forgive herself.

The weight of guilt and shame made it unbearable for her to see Louis or Harvey. So she opted to stay at home to avoid the painful possibility of hearing the judge declare Harvey guilty and permanently strip him of his law career.

The annoying sound coming from the cell phone cut her out of her guilt-ridden spiral, a few seconds for her to figure out where the device was. A quick run to the table in her living room showed who was calling as the word 'Harvey Specter' was popping up in the center of the screen. If he was calling her, a verdict had been given. She froze dead, staring at the cell phone still buzzing in her hands. Should she answer? What if it was Harvey calling to say he wasn't a lawyer anymore and she was the one to blame?

When she finally decided to answer the damn call, it quieted. Harvey had gotten tired of waiting for her answer. But again the buzz, this time a text message, from Harvey. She stayed there, facing the phone, afraid of what was written in that text. She forced herself to bring her fingers to the screen and open the message, but her finger didn't obey.

A loud sigh came out of her mouth, and she closed her eyes before starting to walk back and forth for a while until she finally took the path to her bedroom.

She stopped midway in the corridor, closing her eyes once more, pressing the bridge of her nose with her free hand, before taking a deep breath finally summoning the courage to open the text message. Her heartbeats were felt in her fingers, her breath heavy in her chest, her eyes troubled while reading the words of him saying that they won, everything was fine, and finishing the text by asking her to call him back.

The world started spinning.

—-

When Harvey woke up that morning, he started his day thinking that the world as he knew it would implode. Although he usually was against changes, he'd made peace with the turn his life would have if he lost his license. The sacrifice would be worth it, for her, for Donna.

When he decided to talk with Thomas, he didn't put much thought into what he was doing. Both he and Donna deserved to be where they were in their career, but if someone had to lose what they had built that someone would be him. Donna's path had been way harder than his. Especially since she was so deeply connected to him, and he had made her become a target a few times during the course of their partnership. The memory of the implication in Malik's words about how Donna got to her position and how he'd had to hold himself from punching the guy in front of everyone, from saying such an atrocious thing.

Once, he made the mistake of saying that she was in her position because he had put her there. His statement couldn't be further from the truth. Donna deserved every achievement in her life and career due her own merits. And she had already sacrificed so much in her life and for him; it seemed reasonable and fair he, for once, sacrificed something for her out of his own will.

Earlier, when he got to the courthouse and saw Thomas entering the room without her, he thought she was just nervous and was waiting outside for the hearing to begin, but then Thomas said she wasn't coming. Yet, he kept checking the door expecting her to enter the room. But she hadn't come.

Now, still in the building after the end of the hearing, he was feeling relieved because he hadn't lost everything, but he wasn't happy either. The hearing wasn't a victory hence there weren't reasons for celebrating. Robert, his partner and now friend, put himself on the front line of the battle and lost his license. Harvey needed to ask him why he did what he did. He needed answers.

Albeit Robert's sentence was a sad loss, but Harvey had to admit that another person was in his mind the entire time: Donna. He tried to reach Robert, but failed, since the guy was nowhere to be seen, Harvey picked up his phone and tried to call her.

After a few beeps, the call went to the voice message which Harvey assumed was her way to avoid talking to him. Even if he was dying to hear her voice, he wouldn't blame her for doing so.

Donna hadn't said how she was feeling, but during their fight from the other night, he saw in her eyes that she was holding herself back from crying. And, from their last meeting he knew she was feeling ashamed but she wouldn't say a word. He hadn't seen her since to check how she was doing. Bad, he supposed. So, to put an end to her suffering, he texted her telling the result of the hearing. They had won. Everything was almost fine. Even the things that weren't fine, they would figure out a way out, together.

Thereafter pressing send, he turned the silence mode off and went to his car where Ray was already waiting for him with a big grin on his face. "Big victory, Mr. Specter?" the driver asked, receiving a nod and a small smile in response.

Inside the car, Harvey kept checking his phone to see if Donna had answered or was calling. Louis, Samantha, Robert, Alex— all of them went so far in the mess they made. And everyone was having their moment to process how things turned out. Donna probably needed time and he wanted to give that to her. Or maybe she was just in Thomas' company, processing everything that happened and finding in his arms the safe space she needed.

Harvey's jaw tightened as much as his heart sank inside his chest. He wasn't the person she needed anymore, neither for celebration with asilly can opener ritual, nor in a sad situation when each other's company would be enough to relieve their sadness or guilt. The idea of someone replacing his meaning in her life bothered him more than he would ever admit aloud and he couldn't help the feeling growing inside him that he was losing her, which tightened the knot in his chest.

Lost in thought, he almost didn't recognize the familiar building when Ray turned right on the street. It was her neighborhood, her building. He opened his mouth to ask Ray to stop, but held the words before they came out anyway. Right when his driver was turning left to take another route, he said, "Ray stop".

Ray shot a look at Harvey through the rearview and nodded, parking a bit more than one block away from Donna's building. Without putting much thought into what he was doing, Harvey got out of the car. "You're free for the rest of the night, Ray. I'll get a taxi," he said before closing the door and walking to her apartment.

To be honest, he wasn't really thinking as he started to jog to her door. As much as he wanted to give her space, he wanted to talk with her before facing everyone else at the firm. When he stopped in front of her door, he hoped Thoma wasn't inside, he wouldn't know how to act without making the scene an awkward situation. He knocked on the door, waiting for her answer. After less than one minute he knocked again. "Donna?" he called. He was about to knock for the third time when his cellphone buzz got his attention and to his surprise the caller was exactly the person he was seeking.

"Hi, Donna, are you home?" Nothing but silence on the other side of the call. "I'm at your—" he stopped mid sentence when he sensed something wasn't right. He took the phone from his ear, bringing the screen back into his vision to make sure the call was still on. "Donna?" This time he could hear a heavy breath over the line, followed by the noise of something hitting the floor inside her home.

At that moment, Harvey blamed himself for not having Donna's key, but even if he needed to break the door down he would get inside to make sure she was okay. His shaking hands went right through the knob and for his sake clicked it open. "I'm coming, Donna," he said, hurring himself inside.

After reading Harvey's text, Donna tried to walk to her reading room, but everything was spinning and her feet didn't respond to her command, hence the only thing she was capable of doing was sitting down on the floor and pressing her back against the wall. She stayed there, staring at nothing, her cellphone still in her hands.

They had won. Harvey wasn't going to lose his license, everything was fine. Harvey's words, not Louis' or anyone else. Yet why was she struggling to breathe? Wasn't she supposed to feel relieved? Instead, her entire body was trembling. She was feeling cold yet she could sense she was starting to sweat.

She aimed to pull herself up to get some water, but nothing happened as she remained paralyzed, sat on the floor. Another attempt, one foot after another, but her body didn't answer. She tried again, this time one foot responded, and she got herself a few inches from the floor, but then she fell, hitting her elbow on the wall. She resigned trying, holding her head in her hands with her elbows resting on her knee.

Despite her body being paralyzed, her mind wasn't. All she could think of was what she had done and how she'd made everyone go through hell because she was trying to help her boyfriend to get a good deal. Her brain revived the talk she had with Harvey, and Alex and Thomas. The memory of Harvey trashing his glass because he didn't know how to get out of the situation. Harvey went to ask Thomas to point himself out as the one who told him, not her. Harvey was willing to sacrifice himself in order to save her.

He would lose his license.

But he didn't. But he could. Because of her actions. To spare her.

Her endeavor to calm herself was getting drowned by the guilt and each passing time she fought to bring in air, it got worse and worse, and harder to breathe.

It was when she started feeling dizzy and her view started to darken that she heard someone knock on the door, knocks that seemed distant which saved her from surrendering to darkness. Desperate, she tried to scream for help, but all that came out was a muffled sound followed by Harvey's voice.

Her heart sank.

He was there, on the other side of the door.

She needed him, needed him to help her. Even though she wasn't seeing herself as someone worthy of his care.

While fighting to get air, and holding herself back from fainting, she reached for her cell phone and managed to put Harvey on speaker. To her luck, Harvey answered.

"Donna, are you home?"

Again she opened her mouth to tell him to enter, the door wasn't locked, but nothing came out. She just kept the call on, waiting for him to understand that something was wrong.

"Donna?" he asked again.

She tried to get up, falling once more and this time hitting the shelf with one of her feet which made a small piece of a decoration her mom gifted her a few years ago, falling and smashing into pieces when it hit the floor. It didn't take long for him to say on the other side "I'm coming Donna," followed by the sound from her front door being opened.

Harvey entered the place like a storm, scanning the place for Donna when he found her in the reading room. He quickened his steps towards her, and as he reached her, he bent down to his knees, inspecting if she was physically fine. But he knew the truth about what was happening with her, she wasn't hurt, she was having a panic attack. He recognized the sullen face, the cold sweat and the emptiness in the eyes so usually full of light.

As softly as possible, Harvey pulled her close to him, intertwining his hands with hers, holding on tight. "I'm here, I've got you, I got you," he said in a low tone. "Try to focus on getting your breath back to normal, Donna. Follow me," he instructed, his eyes fixed on hers.

She held his stare hoping her eyes would tell him that she was trying to follow his instructions. On her first attempt, she failed. No air could enter into her lungs and the feeling of suffocating remained. But she kept trying, feeling Harvey's accelerated beats at the tip of her fingers that touched his wrist.

"Yes, Donna. Breathe. 1, 2, 3, breathe," Harvey said and she tried to mimic his movements. She had tried doing this before without him, and to her surprise, with his presence, after a few attempts, breathing became painless.

The feeling of drowning was easing and she could feel herself finally reaching the surface. A few more attempts and she was already feeling her heartbeats coming back to normal, in sync with Harvey's calm rhythm.

"I'm gonna get you some water," he said as he went to stand up but she grabbed his hand, preventing him from going. He looked at her, her eyes still wide as she shook her head, a silent plea for him to not leave her alone, even if he was just going a few feets away. "Okay, okay," he calmed her. "I'm gonna stay here, don't worry. Whatever you need."

Harvey settled down on the floor next to her, not removing his hands from hers. He placed them in a way so that she could rest her head on his chest, making the position more comfortable for them to stay there for as long as it took for her to feel ready to get up.

After a time Donna couldn't exactly measure and a silence embracing them, she was the one who tried to say something first. "H—Harvey…" To her relief actual words came from her dry mouth. "I think I need that water you offered me before."

His tense body against her, softened a little. Slowly and gently he unwound their intertwined fingers and before doing or saying anything, he stroked her sweaty red hair, placing a strand behind her ear. "I'm going to get you a glass then," he said, moving completely away from her, creating space so he could stand up. "Do you wanna stay here? Or–"

Her shaking head was enough for him to understand she wasn't ready to move to another place already. So he nodded in response and went to her kitchen.

While Harvey was gone, she took a look at the room, catching the broken glass shattered on the floor. A really out-of-place decor piece that her mother gave as a gift years before. The piece would be replaced.

Harvey came back with a glass full of water and a bottle of mineral water, kneeling once again to get closer to her.

Donna took the glass and emptied it in a single gulp.

"How long have you been having panic attacks?" he asked, offering to refill the glass, which she welcomed.

"This was the first time," she paused, "I was so scared. So overwhelmed by…" A deep breath as if she was trying to reconcile the recent events.

"Where's Thomas?" Harvey asked, trying to change the subject afraid she would dive into the feelings that made her panic.

Her eyes darkened at his question and she lowered her head, closing her eyes. "We broke up," she answered.

He understood the pain he felt in her voice. "I'm sorry, Donna. I –"

"Don't," she interrupted him. "Don't act as if you care about our relationship."

"The fact that it bothered me that you're with him doesn't stop me from caring, Donna," he said, a bit annoyed. He understood the feeling of ending a relationship, because he and Donna shared a unique bond that not everyone could understand and accept. "As I said before, all I care about is you."

She didn't know how to respond to him because she understood what he was saying, more than she wanted to. When he told her he was in a relationship with Paula, he broke her heart by burying her hope that he was finally ready to have a relationship. He was indeed, but not in a relationship with her. And because she loved him so deeply, if he was happy, she would be happy for him at some point after healing her own heart.

Silence fell between them for a while whilst Donna was drinking the second glass of water. To boost the sense she was feeling better, she tried to get up and he offered help, which she accepted.

"Be careful with the glasse, it could hurt you," he said with such a gentleness that softened Donna's heart.

They walked to the living room, Harvey carrying the glass and the bottle, placing them on the table in front of the couch they sat on abreast.

"What are you doing here?" She asked harder than intended. "The truth," she demanded at this point, not caring if she sounded rude.

"I looked around and you weren't there." Not an accusation, just a statement.

"Didn't Thomas tell you I wouldn't go?" Donna brought her legs up to the couch, bending them, and hugging her knees.

"He did, but–" Silence fell again between them as understanding hit Harvey. "I knew you weren't there, but it wasn't just physically that I missed you, Donna."

"You weren't there and even before I heard the verdict, all I wanted was you to be there. I was about to lose everything and I was okay with it as long as I had you by my side. But you weren't there."

His words weren't an accusation about her absence. She could tell the words were coming as he was taken in all the feelings with them.

Donna withdrew from the urge to grab his hands. The simplicity of holding him had brought her a feeling of safety and she thought offering the same could help him as well. So to stop her in doing so, she changed the position she was in, keeping her feet on the couch, resting her hands on her bare feet, listening to him.

"After the verdict the only person that came to my mind was you. Robert, Louis, Alex they were all there, but the only person I wanted to see was you. Because since we've been together, you're always the person I look to either for celebration or for loss."

Harvey's words caught her off guard so much that she found herself unable to muster any words or express any reaction. She kept looking at him, blinking a few times, as he continued.

"Because you love me besides all my flaws and you accept either way. And you don't want to change me. At least, not my core. You always wanted me to change for the better, to improve the man you always saw in me."

Donna's heart was beating so loud inside her chest she thought Harvey could hear the heartbeats. She didn't move to get away or shuffle his love confession, and she noticed Harvey's posture change, his jawline hardening as if he wanted to hold back a cry. During all the time they were together there were few times that she saw Harvey come close to crying.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't supposed to throw all of this at you. Not after the panic attack or after your broke up," he explained.

He was so scared of losing her and he'd thought twice that day he was close to that. First because he didn't know what would become of their relationship after the verdict and its outcomes. To be honest, he still wasn't sure, especially now. Because even though she wasn't with Thomas anymore, he felt he messed up at professing his love at the worst time possible. Donna was already so vulnerable to have to deal with another weight on her back. The second time was when he entered her place and he saw the broken glass on the floor. The idea of something hurting her… It was unbearable, too painful for him to endure any possibility.

Maybe realizing his feeling now was already too late, but everything was so clearer now. He understood that the woman in front of him was the only person, the only woman he could ever love. Because that's what he felt for her: love. Harvey Specter was in love with Donna Paulsen. That was the irrevocable truth he so cowardly tried to deny to himself and to everybody that even dared asking for these past twelve years.

How could he not see that? When loving Donna came naturally for him. He didn't even have to make an effort. The effort he had to make is to not love her. And he barely could remember how his life was before her. She was the starting point of everything good that happened in his life. There was life before and after Donna came to his life.

He was staring at Donna, cursing himself for being so blind. His eyes transfixed on hers, shifted to her mouth and without thinking straight he put his hands behind the back of her head ready to act for once. But he paused, refraining himself from taking advantage of Donna, who was very vulnerable. He was about to apologize when he looked once more into the hazel's eyes he loved and instead of finding an angry or confusing response, he found darkened eyes full of desire. Donna nodded subtly to him giving the permission he needed, so he closed the distance between them as his lips touched hers to an open mouth kiss.

Harvey felt as if all the missing pieces in his life were finally found and all put together. Her lips gently moved in sync with his, accepting every move he made and following it. His hands on the back of her neck, pulling her closer for a deep yet gentle kiss.

Donna's hands wrapped around his neck, affectionately stroking his hair, while they both savored the kiss.

Harvey's racing heart seemed to speed up even more before finally calming down as he realized he was kissing Donna and she was calmly accepting them.

He hated the idea of having to end what they were starting, but he couldn't take more advantage of her. They parted, their forehead linked as he stroked his thumb on her cheek. "You should get some rest," he said. "As someone who knows the aftermath of a panic attack can be harsh, soon you'll feel your body aching."

"Harvey, I—"

"We have time, Donna. I'm not going anywhere." He took her hands, squeezing them. "If you want, this is just the beginning."

"What do you say by 'if'?" Donna frowned her eyebrows.

"I'm not sure this is the best moment. Maybe you need time to process everything that happened and I don't want you to think I pity you or that I'm taking any advantage." He explained.

Donna shook her head in disagreement. "No, Harvey. I'm not thinking anything close to that."

"So what are you thinking?"

"That I really need to get some rest. Because if this is only the beginning I need my body fully recovered so the next time we do this we both could enjoy every dirty thing I have in mind, but right now I really need to rest."

Harvey looked at her with desire in his eyes and a smile that showed he was more than on board with her plans.

"Can you stay with me?" She asked.

"I wasn't even thinking of going anywhere else." He got up on his feet and helped her to do the same. "What about you getting a shower while I order your favorite Thai?"

Donna's big and bright smile said enough and he pulled her close to a soft kiss.