Chapter 5: Shadow of Benjamin

Diana rubbed her eyes when she sensed Matthew's presence. She glanced at the alarm clock. Three o'clock. Dawn was still a few hours away.

Matthew brushed her cheek with a kiss. "I'm sorry I woke you, mon coeur. Go back to sleep."

"Not until I hear how the hunt went," she said, sitting up as she rubbed her eyes. Matthew had grown too used to giving her orders when they were in Elizabethan England. She'd hoped he would shed that annoying Renaissance habit once they returned, but her pregnancy wasn't helping.

"Were there any issues?" she asked, half-dreading his answer.

"No, everyone was on their best behavior," he said, sitting on the bed next to her. "This will please you. Miriam and Jack knew each other in the past. She praised our son for being a skilled artist as well as a musician."

Our son. Matthew hadn't used that phrase in London. She liked the sound of it. "What are the plans for today?"

"I'll go to Gallowglass's house after breakfast. I hope to coax Jack into revealing what his illness was like before his abduction."

"I have no meetings scheduled. I can spend the day there too."

"No, mon coeur. Jack needs to understand his boundaries before I can allow you—"

"I don't need your permission to see our son," she said sharply and then quickly regretted her tone. But he didn't realize the rawness of the nerve he'd struck. After Baldwin's domineering behavior at Sept-Tours, she was in no mood to be given orders even from her husband. "We both have the same goal," she added in a quieter voice. "You didn't see how tangled Jack's threads are or you'd understand. I was able to start him on the path of healing, but there's much more work to be done. I can't untangle his threads remotely. Until they are, your efforts will be much more difficult."

The previous evening, she'd woven a spell out of threads for healing, breaking curses, and new beginnings. She'd attached it with a six-crossed knot to Jack's wrist. Until she had a better understanding of what he'd experienced, there was little else she could do.

Matthew didn't give in immediately, but she hadn't expected he would. They eventually reached a compromise where she should stay for the initial discussion and then leave. Matthew planned to take Jack shopping for clothes later that morning. He wanted to use the excursion to assess Jack's behavior when he was surrounded by warmbloods. It wasn't an ideal arrangement for either of them, but none of this was.

When they arrived at Gallowglass's house, the men were gathered in the living area. Unlike the other de Clermont properties she'd visited, the Gael had spartan furnishings. Well-worn modular sectionals provided seating. Jack was sitting on one of them, a sketchpad in his lap. Lobero was sprawled on the floor next to his feet. Andrew sat at a dinette table, writing in a journal.

Jack sprang up when they entered the room, a look of joy on his face. "I didn't expect both of you." He was still wearing the old Yale crew shirt she'd given him the previous night. That shopping trip appeared to be even more essential.

"Matthew told me that Miriam praised your artistic ability, and I can see why," Diana said, studying a drawing he'd made of Gallowglass. She took advantage of looking at the sketchbook to check the spell she'd cast. Jack's threads weren't quite as tangled as before. It was a hopeful start to his recovery.

"Thank you. I've been drawing portraits since my first lessons with Master Hilliard."

"Nikolaus Hilliard?" Diana asked faintly. It was less than a year ago that the great miniaturist had painted their portraits, but for Jack over four hundred years had passed.

"Aye, Lord Northumberland paid for the lessons. He and Tom Harriot took care of me after you left." He turned to nod at Andrew. "Along with Father H."

As Jack explained how he'd gotten into choir school, he didn't mention the daily trips he'd made to the quay to ask about her. Instead, he shared anecdotes from his life before he became a vampire. So many details she longed to explore at greater length. He had a special fondness for Walter Raleigh's wife, and she was at the top of Diana's list.

Matthew sat next to him on the sectional, providing reassuring solidity. Not once did Jack's eyes turn black.

Yesterday Matthew asked Andrew if Jack had always suffered from such severe blood rage, and Andrew hadn't replied. Now Matthew asked again, and this time it was Jack who provided the answer.

"After Father H sired me, I was sick for the first few months. I later learned I have bloodsickness." At Jack's words, Gallowglass sat up and paid closer attention. Matthew had positioned himself between her and Jack, and she knew better than to cross the boundary but she ached for her son.

"I blame myself," Andrew said unexpectedly, his face unusually somber. His obvious love for Jack was making her temper her views of him. The boy brought out a softer side that he rarely showed to others. Diana noticed Matthew was also studying him thoughtfully.

"Jack became ill during the plague of 1603. Those first weeks I had him feed off the dead and dying. At the time, I felt we were performing a merciful act to cut short their suffering. The need was so great in London that I didn't have the time to hunt."

Jack flinched when Andrew described the corpses on the streets, and Matthew wrapped a protective arm around his shoulders. Diana wished she could comfort him as well, but if she did, she could provoke Matthew's possessiveness to flare up. She had no desire for a repetition of the previous night when Matthew had injected himself between her and Jack.

"Feeding off warmbloods made me sick," Jack said. "Once Leonard found out about my illness, he took me away from London. We hunted wildlife in the woods and I started to recover."

"Jack's sickness isn't like blood rage," Andrew added. "Although his eyes grow black, he's not violent. He falls into a non-responsive state resembling shock. Strong emotions such as love and anxiety can be triggers. That's what he experienced yesterday evening at your house."

"Do you often get sick?" Matthew asked.

Jack shook his head. "Only a few times. Maybe once a century." He swallowed hard, looking down at his hands. "Until Benjamin ..."

"Jack, tell them about the Normans," Andrew urged, not letting him dwell on the thought.

Jack nodded, taking a moment. When he raised his head, his eyes were clear. "Diana, do you remember John Norman, Susanna's son?"

"Of course. She also had a son Jeffrey. He was your age."

"Jeffrey died from the plague a few years after you left, but John survived. He married Annick Guerin, a Breton witch. She was a weaver like you. We were close friends. She realized I had bloodsickness and scried my future." His expression grew haunted once more. "She said if I ever fed off warmbloods, I'd awaken the monster inside me."

"She didn't call you a monster," Andrew chided gently.

"No, but she might as well have. I took her words to heart and have lived exclusively off animals." He looked at Diana with a mute plea for understanding. "I never kill them, only taking enough to live." A smile flitted briefly across his face. "My mate Leonard calls me a deer whisperer."

Diana was glad to hear Leonard was still his friend. He probably looked the same apparent age as Jack. From the sound of it, he'd rescued Jack from an appalling situation in London during the plague.

"But everything changed with Benjamin," Jack added in a low voice.

"You don't have to go into it now," Andrew said.

"Yes, I do," he said bleakly. "They need to understand the threat he poses."

"Any details you feel up to sharing would be very appreciated," Matthew said quietly, squeezing his shoulder. "But Andrew's right. We can discuss it later."

Jack looked up at him. "I may not have another chance."

"Of course, you will, lad," Gallowglass said stoutly. "You have nothing to fear in New Haven."

Jack shook his head, his expression growing haunted. "Benjamin abducted me three years ago near Covent Garden. I've lost track of how many times I escaped only to have him capture me once more. Each time is worse."

Matthew pulled him closer when Jack shuddered. "What do you remember from the initial abduction?"

"It was in July of 2007. Leonard and I were walking home. The next thing I knew, blood was being forced into my mouth. The corpses of warmbloods were in the cell with me. I didn't know where I was. I only have scattered fragments of memories, and many of them were false. I believed Father H and Leonard were dead. I can still see their corpses in my mind. I wasn't strong enough to protect them."

"Benjamin fed off Jack repeatedly," Andrew said. "He learned about Annick's prophecy and took full advantage of it, forcing human blood into Jack until the rage surfaced."

Diana grew increasingly nauseous. For three years her son had endured Benjamin's hell. "Only a witch could have planted fake memories."

"Aye," Andrew agreed. "The witch also enabled Jack's first abduction. When he escaped, he didn't think there was anyone left in London for him. He had no place to turn to, no family. He didn't realize we were searching for him. Leonard and I are convinced that most, if not all of the victims, were killed by Benjamin. He used the witch to make Jack think he was responsible." He shot a hard look at Matthew as if daring him to challenge the assertion, but Matthew knew better than to contradict him.

Andrew's belief could be correct. Jack didn't have a way to distinguish planted memories from real ones. Although blood rage could have propelled him to commit the crimes, Benjamin was the real killer.

"Satu Järvinen was the witch's name," Jack blurted out, lacing his fingers together. "She worked with Benjamin the entire time."

Diana exchanged horrified looks with Matthew over Jack's bowed head. The same witch who'd tortured her in France and hurled her into an oubliette had also abused Jack. Now Diana understood why his threads were so tangled. Satu was a weaver and she'd cast a series of spells on Jack to make him Benjamin's thrall. A wave of anger engulfed Diana. With a hoarse squawk, Corra launched herself into the air. After circling the room, she perched on the stair rail.

Her appearance brought a smile to Jack's face and for his sake, Diana tried to temper her emotions.

"Jack, look at me," Matthew ordered. "Do you know where Benjamin held you captive?"

"No, I never discovered it. I'd find myself in various cities with no recollection of how I got there. Once we were in Saint Petersburg. Last July I discovered Matthew had taken me to Amsterdam. That was the last time I escaped. Leonard found me in Brussels and brought me home."

Amsterdam. She and Matthew had gone to Matthew's house in Amsterdam in late June after returning from the past. Benjamin would have heard her bloodsong. Had he wanted to capture her? Ice ran down her spine at the thought. If they'd lingered in Amsterdam, he might have succeeded.

"Diana, Benjamin has all my memories about you," Jack said in an anguished voice as if he'd read her mind. "You need to be very careful." He turned to Matthew, blood tears in his eyes. "Yesterday evening, when you ran toward Diana and me, I thought you were Benjamin. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you."

"Under similar circumstances, I might have acted the same way," Matthew said mildly.

"Don't worry about Benjamin," Gallowglass added, his expression stormy. "We won't let him take you or harm anyone else in our family."

Diana was glad he projected such confidence, but she remained doubtful. Benjamin and Satu's partnership gave them abilities that would be difficult to defend against.

#

"Is a suit really necessary?" Jack complained, eyeing unhappily the rack of jackets.

Matthew crossed his arms. "You're a de Clermont. You need to look like it," he said sternly while chuckling inside.

After the revelations of the morning, they all needed a break. He'd asked Gallowglass to come along on their shopping expedition mainly because of the close friendship he and Jack shared. The intervening centuries had melted away under the barrage of their banter. But there was a serious side to his presence. Jack's ability to be around warmbloods hadn't been tested. If there was an incident, Gallowglass was under orders to take Jack home while Matthew smoothed over any issues.

"Besides, I thought you'd like to get a suit," Matthew continued. "I haven't forgotten what men wore in the seventeenth century. You told me you used to perform and paint at court all the time."

"Yeah, but I wasn't a member of the nobility. I wore the same black togs for decades," Jack grumbled.

"And you still are," Matthew retorted. Yesterday evening, Jack was clad in a black t-shirt and jeans. Matthew had wondered if the look was symbolic of his state of mind. He was relieved to discover that was simply his standard wardrobe.

The pup grinned mischievously. "Gallowglass is a de Clermont. His jeans are more ripped than mine."

"A matter I intend to rectify today," Matthew said firmly.

"Hang on," Gallowglass growled. "Leave me out of your makeover."

"You're outvoted," Matthew declared. "Diana agrees with me. For that formal dinner at Sept-Tours, you had nothing halfway decent to wear. I intend to ensure that doesn't happen again. And I'm warning both of you that hoodies and jeans are unacceptable attire at baby christenings."

"You played the card you knew I couldn't argue against," Jack accused happily.

"After we finish here, we'll head to the luggage store," Matthew said. The pup had only brought a small carry-on and it was mainly filled with art supplies.

"Jack, why didn't you bring more clothes?" Gallowglass asked.

"I didn't plan on staying," Jack said, giving an awkward shrug. "I wasn't going to inflict my troubles on you."

"I thought we'd gotten rid of that wrong-headed thinking at the Hart & Crown," Gallowglass chided. "You're family."

"I might have been back then but not for the past four hundred years. I've been under orders to avoid you at all costs."

"I'm sorry it was that way," Matthew said. "I know it will take a while to get over. Focus on this," he added, waiting till he had Jack's undivided attention. "You're now where you're supposed to be and we're determined to keep it that way."

Matthew ordered his two reluctant shoppers to select two suits, shirts, and accessories. He went into the dressing room with Jack mainly because he was curious about a medallion he wore around his neck. He'd seen it the previous night when he stripped off Jack's blood-stained shirt. The pup was unconscious at the time. Diana had knocked him out with a spell so he could rest. Matthew hadn't wanted to draw attention to the pendant until he learned more about it.

When Jack removed his t-shirt, Matthew asked, "Could I see your pendant?"

Jack gave him an oddly thoughtful look as he surrendered it to him.

The silver medallion depicted Saint Lazarus rising from a coffin. Deeply buried memories of the Crusades resurfaced. "I used to have one just like this," Matthew told him.

"I know. This was yours. Philippe gave it to me. He told me to wear it in remembrance of you. Would you like it back?"

"No." Matthew returned the medallion to him. "I'd like you to continue to wear it. When did Philippe give it to you?"

"It was shortly after the Gunpowder Plot in 1603." Jack rubbed the side of his neck, a tell he was nervous about something. "Times were difficult. Tom Harriot was arrested and thrown into prison. Philippe helped secure his release. Afterward ... " Jack shrugged. "Finances were tight. Lord Northumberland—Tom's former patron—was imprisoned in the Tower. Philippe came to see us. He offered to support Tom's research. That's when he gave me this."

Percy remained a captive for over twenty years. Philippe had likely continued to support Matthew's old friend. Now, thanks to Jack, Matthew would know the details. He wished he could have expressed his appreciation to Philippe. "During the Great Fire of London, I was buried under rubble. I had vague recollections of a vampire unearthing me. I remember he had blond hair and wore this medallion. Philippe tried to convince me I was dreaming, But I wasn't, was I? That was you."

Jack nodded. "Pierre, Leonard, and Father H were with me. We were all trying to find you."

"You saved my life."

Jack shrugged, giving him a crooked half-smile. "Partial repayment for all the times you saved me." He turned serious. "We thought you were unconscious and wouldn't remember me."

"It must have been difficult to keep your distance."

Jack nodded. "But necessary. I was willing to do anything to ensure your future with Diana."

#

When they arrived back at Gallowglass's house, Matthew left to join Miriam at Yale University. Father H was out. He'd left a note that he'd taken Mop for a walk. When Gallowglass flopped on the couch to watch a rugby game, Jack sprinted upstairs to call Leonard.

"Sometimes it's like they don't hear me," he told Leonard. "I told him we were mates. A few hours later, Matthew tells me he's glad I haven't mated."

"Why did he say that?"

"Supposedly the strong emotions associated with mating make me more susceptible to blood rage. Matthew told me how painful it is for him to be separated from Diana. I can sympathize with that feeling."

But if Jack was completely honest, he'd have to admit that even when he was with Leonard, there'd been issues. Since his return to London, their few moments of intimacy were strained. No matter how hard he tried, he kept picturing Leonard's corpse. He had the unshakable belief he'd caused Leonard's death, and telling himself the witch planted the scene in his mind didn't ease the guilt he felt.

"But with us, it's different," Leonard protested. "You don't become violent. I still believe that what you have is much more like post-traumatic stress. Have you added Matthew to your speed dial?"

"Yes, and Gallowglass too. I'm being careful." He didn't think Matthew noticed him monitoring the streets for Benjamin.

"I know you are," Leonard said. "What exactly did you tell Matthew and Diana about us?"

"I called you my mate. How much more obvious can I be?"

Leonard laughed. "That explains it. They still think of you as their little boy. When you called me your mate, they assumed I was your chum, your pal."

Jack groaned and then quickly slapped his hand over his mouth. The last thing he needed was for Gallowglass to charge upstairs. "I bet you're right. I'll explain when we go hunting tonight."

"It might be better to hold off," Leonard suggested. "We don't know what Matthew and Diana's views are about gays. You don't need any more issues to contend with."

"But you're the best part of me," Jack objected. "I want them to know about us."

"Even if it makes them worry more?" Leonard asked quietly. "We'll have plenty of time to explain after you're feeling better."

His approach sounded so reasonable, how could Jack object? But he continued to have the irrational fear that Leonard would disappear from his life. He wasn't about to mention that. He'd already given Leonard too much to worry about. "Diana told me the fake memories I have will eventually fade away. She cast a healing spell on me. I simply need to be patient."

"That's wonderful news! You see, this is working out just like we'd hoped. Have you played any music?"

"I got out the viol this morning. Gallowglass and I were reminiscing about our friends at the Hart and Crown and it seemed appropriate."

"You're not playing the cello?"

"No, I haven't told Matthew I have his instrument. I'm not sure what his reaction will be."

"I wager he'll be very pleased that Philippe gave it to you."

Would he? Jack wished he felt more comfortable with him. "Matthew and Diana want me to stay in New Haven for several more days."

"Much as I'll miss you, you should do it. You'll have a chance to rebuild your relationship with them. There will be plenty of time for us later on."

"I'm counting on that."

As the days passed, Matthew seemed pleased with his progress. Supposedly the family was searching for Benjamin. Once he was captured, Jack's nightmare would be truly over. During quiet times, he worked on the maze for Cecilia. He'd given the game a placeholder name of Labyrinth.

He didn't see much of Miriam. She told him she was working at a Yale lab with Diana's closest friend at the university, Christopher Roberts. Chris was a molecular biologist. He and Miriam were studying blood rage's genetic connection. Miriam tried to explain it to him, but the details were over his head. Everyone, it seemed, was a scientist. Their walls were undoubtedly covered with diplomas.

Matthew encouraged him to think of him and Diana as his parents. He claimed Diana would love to be called Mum, but it didn't feel right. They lived in a different world from him and Leonard. He was visiting them now, but this couldn't last for long.

Jack appreciated Gallowglass more than ever. No Doctor prefix to his name. Jack could listen to the tales of his travels for hours. Perhaps that's what he should do too. If he were constantly moving, Benjamin would have a harder time finding him.

Matthew refused to discuss what would happen in the future. His time with Jack was mainly spent doing yoga or going hunting.

Father H was eager to return to London but had agreed to hold off for a week. Once Jack was back with Leonard, they'd decide on their next step. The only thing Jack knew for sure was that he didn't belong in Diana and Matthew's world. They'd be much safer if he wasn't around.

Notes: In the Book of Life, Hubbard doesn't answer Matthew when he asks if Jack's blood rage was always so severe. Puzzling over how Hubbard might have answered is what led me to write the series.