CHAPTER 57
A/N: First of all, thank you so much for your reviews, it really means a lot! It seems you all agreed that (1) Brittany was a bit too strict on Santana and (2) Abuela's interventions were funny. :-D That's always very interesting for me to know how you perceive the chapters, so thanks again! And Casey, if you read this, thanks a lot for all the reviews!
Let me also remind you that email notifications still don't work :-( so either use the app or check your favorite stories manually if you don't want to miss an update.
This new chapter picks up right where we left off. We will explore Brittany's trauma and Abuela is making a comeback! Enjoy, and thanks to WhitWalk for proofreading this chapter!
Here is what you missed (on Glee):
Confronted with Santana's surgery scars for the first time, Brittany breaks into tears as traumatic memories come flooding back.
AT THE BEACH HOUSE (HAWAII) - IN THE BEDROOM - SANTANA's POV
"I'm okay…" I whisper over and over into Brittany's ear, caressing her hair softly and hugging her tightly.
I keep holding her in my arms for a while, until I finally feel she's calming down. After placing a few soft kisses on her wet cheek, I slightly pull away so that our eyes can meet.
But she looks so sad that it's breaking my heart.
Without saying a word, I gently wipe her tears away with my thumb and kiss her forehead, before pressing my lips on hers.
God… I really wish I could take that pain away…
"Here…" I say with a sad smile, handing her a box of Kleenex.
While she dries her tears and blows her nose, I notice that my scarred belly is still exposed and I quickly grab the shirt I sleep in to put it on. She doesn't need to see that again…
"My heart only stopped for a moment, Brittany…" I eventually say, although I'm not sure how long the doctors took to resuscitate me. "And then, I came back." I add, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"I'm okay now, I really am." I repeat once more when I see that silent tears are still slowly rolling down her face. "You don't have to worry about me anymore, honey…"
"I can't help it, San…" She shrugs sadly. "I'm terrified. All the time."
"Why…?"
"I know it sounds silly, but… I'm scared that, even if you do things that seem safe or that the doctors allow, your heart will give out again and… I will lose you…" She adds in a shaky voice, her bottom lip trembling.
"Oh, honey… That's not going to happen. The only reason I went into cardiac arrest is because my lungs were clogged with dust and I had been bleeding internally for two days… But I'm much better now! You heard what the doctor said earlier: now, I have the lungs of a '40-year-old mild smoker'. I know it's not perfect yet, but 40-year-old mild smokers don't have heart attacks, Britt…" I shrug. "And this morning's EKG proved that my heart is strong and working like it should. Frankly, the only thing it needs is you…" I confess, pressing my lips on hers.
Her arms wrap around my shoulders, to pull me closer to her, and she gives me what I can only describe as a desperate passionate kiss.
"I should have protected you…" She eventually whispers when she pulls away, resting her forehead on mine. "Ever since we met, you have always protected me… You defended me against people who called me stupid, you convinced me to leave MIT when I was stressed out of my mind there. You even kept angry parents away after the dance school was sabotaged, and you fixed it all for me." She shrugs. "You always do everything in your power to make sure I can stay in my little happy bubble… And I couldn't even protect you from death." She sniffs, obviously feeling guilty.
"Brittany… You couldn't have protected me from this." I say, staring into her sad blue eyes. "Just like I couldn't prevent your car accident." I shrug. "And you already did so much, honey! You found me, when no one else could. You fought with the doctors so that I could see the kids, you handled everything at home, to let me focus on my recovery… And I know I'm a nightmare patient, because I don't like to be tied down, but… even when you confiscate my laptop, or force me to take a nap, I feel all the love you have for me, wifey…" I conclude with a smile, making her chuckle through her tears.
"I'm sorry, I know I have been driving you crazy with all my restrictions…"
"It's okay." I say, squeezing her hand.
"How did you even put up with it for so long? That's not like you…"
"Because you needed it." I shrug. "And I get it. You needed to feel like you were in control of my recovery, because you couldn't control what happened to me in the earthquake."
"I know it's ridiculous, but… I just wish I could put you in my pocket and keep you safe at all times…" She says.
"It's not ridiculous, I felt exactly the same after your car accident." I admit, remembering how scared I used to be whenever she was taking the car. "But… Brittany, what I learned from my accident – and yours – is that tomorrow is not promised. I got really lucky, and now that I have a second chance at life, I just want to enjoy every single day I am given. I owe it to the people who didn't survive the earthquake." I say, holding her hands in mine. "I just want to watch the kids grow up, play and have fun with them… And I want to spend as much time as possible with you. I want to take you on romantic dates, and… make love to you." I shrug.
"And I want to write scripts." I eventually confess. "I still have things to say, and I really need to tell the full story of our Glee club, honey… More than ever."
"I know…" She nods. "It's just that… I worry you'll overdo it and…"
"I promise I won't overexert myself." I interrupt her, looking into her eyes. "And I'm sure that together, we can find the right compromise between enjoying life and being careful. Maybe we can make a schedule and a list, or something?" I suggest, knowing that lists are her thing.
"Okay…"
"Thank you." I say, giving her a kiss.
"I'm sorry I ruined our sexy times…"
"Nothing is ruined, Britt." I immediately reply. "We'll have sex another night, when the time is right. Okay?" I say and she eventually nods in silence.
"How about we get ready for bed and cuddle?" I suggest and she finally smiles.
LATER THAT NIGHT – BRITTANY's POV
Santana and I are hugging in bed, my head resting on her warm chest. I'm so relaxed now that I'm getting more and more sleepy.
"You know, I think it might be good for you to talk to someone, Britt…" She suddenly breaks the silence, running the tip of her fingers along my arm.
"You mean… like a therapist?" I ask, lifting my head to look into her eyes.
"Yeah… You went through something really traumatic, honey. It could help you to talk to a professional." She says and when I see the worried look in her eyes, I quickly understand she would feel a lot better if I did.
"Well, I suppose I could give it a shot…" I eventually say as she presses her lips to my forehead.
THE NEXT MORNING
I wake up to the gentle touch of a hand caressing my cheek. My eyes flutter open a few times and the first thing I see is Santana's smile. She's facing me in bed, propping herself up with her other hand. I'm surprised she's already awake, and even fully dressed, because she's been getting up after me every day since we got here.
"Were you just watching me sleep?" I ask.
"Yes." She smiles. "And you're the cutest thing I have ever seen…" She says and presses her lips on mine, making me smirk against her mouth.
"Is it me or it smells like toast in here?" I eventually ask, frowning in confusion.
"I made you breakfast." She chuckles and gets up to pick up the tray that was on our dresser, while I sit up and watch her in disbelief.
"We've got tea, eggs, and toast." She says, placing the tray on my lap. "And these are courtesy of Abuela, they're traditional Spanish cookies that she made earlier this morning. They're so good, Britt! And they will go great with the fresh orange juice."
"Oh, honey, this is really sweet!" I say in amazement, noticing that there's even a rose in a small vase. "But you didn't have to bring me breakfast in bed…"
"Oh, that's the least I could do." She immediately replies, making me look at her with questioning eyes. "You took care of everything by yourself for too long, wifey. Now, it's my turn to spoil you." She says, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Thank you…" I whisper, bringing her hand to my lips. "Will you stay with me?"
"Always."
LATER THAT DAY – AT THE BEACH HOUSE – SANTANA's POV
"This is really good news, Santana!" Leslie nods enthusiastically, after checking the report of Dr. Beaumont. "It proves that your body is also healing a lot quicker now. So, I suggest that we keep the same routine for this week, since you seem to react to it really well." She says, while Brittany squeezes my hand in hers. "Are you ready for another amazing session with your favorite therapist?" She asks in an excited voice.
"So ready!" I chuckle.
"Well, I'll let you get on with it…" Brittany smiles, getting up. "But before I leave, I have something to ask you, Leslie. With Santana, we thought it could perhaps be good for me if I talked to a therapist, about the earthquake and everything…" She sighs nervously. "But since we're not from here, I was wondering if you could recommend anyone?"
"Well, actually… My sister Bonnie is a therapist, specializing in trauma." She says, opening her wallet. "Here's her card. Tell her I sent you, okay"?
LATER THAT DAY (EVENING TIME) – BRITTANY's POV
"What do you mean, 'you have a girlfriend'?" I repeat to Patrick, as we're having a barbecue in the garden. "You have been here for a few days and you're mentioning this only now?" I frown. "I want to know everything! Who is she? And how come she's not here?!"
"Well… Her name is Joyce, she's a dentist and she has a son who is about Lily's age. And the reason why she isn't here is because we started dating only two months ago! It was a bit early to bring her on vacation with the kids… But she met them, and they hit it off, so… if it all goes well, perhaps you'll get to meet her next year! If you're coming back next year, that is…" He says, and I immediately look at Santana who gives me a 'maybe, who knows' shrug.
"Well, you better not tell Louise about her, otherwise she's going to ask you a million questions." I advise, knowing that she and Charlie will also be here in a couple of days.
"Oh, I know… I can hear her already… 'Is she pretty? No, wait, show me a picture and I will decide if she's good enough for you! What's her zodiac sign? Are you sure you want to date a dentist? They put their hands into people's mouths', you know!" He imitates Louise, and we all burst into laughter.
LATER THAT NIGHT – AT THE BEACH HOUSE – SANTANA's POV
"Mmmhh, God… Seriously, I think you give the best massages in the whole world!" Brittany says as I straddle her in bed, massaging her back with some oil.
"What can I say, I'm good with my hands." I shrug.
"Oh, I'll say…" She replies in a flirty voice, making me smile.
In normal times, I would take this as an invitation to fool around, but I know that this time, it's not what it is. She's not ready.
EVEN LATER – IN BED
For no apparent reason, I wake up in the middle of the night. I look at the alarm clock and it's 3:47 AM, no wonder that I feel so tired! I'm about to close my eyes again when I hear Brittany mumbling "no… no…" in her sleep. As I turn around towards her, I see her getting agitated and I don't have the time to move before I hear her scream "SANTANA… NO! NO!"
"Brittany…" I say, shaking her shoulder to wake her up. "Britt…" I repeat, shaking her harder.
She eventually startles awake, panting and obviously disoriented. She's sweating and looking more afraid than I have ever seen her.
"It was just a nightmare, honey… You're okay." I say in a comforting voice, kissing her forehead. "I'm okay." I immediately add, guessing that she probably dreamed I was not. "We're at the beach house in Hawaii, remember? And everyone is fine, I promise."
"You want to tell me about your dream?" I ask, gently caressing her cheek.
"No… I…" She stutters, still breathing hard. "Just hold me…" She pleads with sad eyes.
I immediately pull her into my arms, holding her tight, and pressing my lips to her forehead every now and then. Even though it takes her a while to calm down, she eventually falls back asleep in my arms.
But enough is enough. First thing in the morning, I'm making her call the therapist.
THE NEXT AFTERNOON – IN THE THERAPIST'S OFFICE – BRITTANY's POV
As soon as I got up this morning, Santana made me call the therapist to ask for an appointment. Of course, the lady first said she didn't have any free slots for days but when I told her I was sent by her own sister, she moved some stuff around and gave me an appointment for today. She also warned me that it would be a longer session, since it was the very first one.
We're only halfway through, even though we've already been talking for 45 minutes, during which she asked me lots of questions about my marriage and the earthquake.
"Okay… So, now that I have a better overview of who you are and your situation, I would like you to tell me more about these nightmares. How often do you have them?"
"I don't know…" I shrug. "Something like twice a week perhaps."
"And what are they about? Are you having the same dream over and over, or are they all different?"
"They are different, but… they always end in the same way." I say, suddenly feeling a lot more nervous. "Santana dies in front of my eyes and there is nothing I can do to save her…" I eventually add in a shaky voice, rubbing my sweaty palms together.
"I see…" She simply says in a compassionate voice, scribbling down a few words on her notepad.
"When did these nightmares start?"
"It uh… It started on the day I went to the hospital, to visit Santana for the first time."
"Why do you think that is?" She asks, staring into my eyes.
"I'm sorry?"
"Well, when you got to the hospital, you obviously knew Santana had been found. And as you said yourself earlier, the doctor had already told you she would make it. So, that was positive and reassuring news, which could have brought you some sense of calm. But instead, it seems it triggered nightmares that – if I understand correctly – you didn't have the whole time she was missing. So, why do you think it started at that specific time?" She asks again and I remain silent for a minute, to think about it.
Of course, I could just tell her that I basically didn't sleep until I heard Santana was alive, but… now that I think of it, it's possible that my hospital visit could have triggered my nightmares.
"Well, when Santana was missing, I had no information about her situation." I eventually say. "I was hoping for the best and fearing for the worst, but it was all… hypothetical." I shrug. "But when I saw her in the hospital, it became so very real…" I shake my head sadly. "She looked so weak, and was hooked up to all these IV drips and machines… I could see the bruises and wounds all over her body, and I… I heard her breathe and speak with so much struggle…" I say, tears filling my eyes. "And that's also that day the doctor told me she had… died, before they revived her."
"Brittany, this is the part that might be particularly difficult for you but… we need to address it." She warns, and I know she's referring to Santana's death.
I look at my feet for a moment, until I eventually nod in silence.
"Let's start at the beginning. Before the accident, did you and Santana ever discuss the possibility of one of you dying prematurely?" She asks and I nod again, without saying a word.
"What did you talk about exactly?"
"We discussed several things." I say, pausing for a moment. "I guess the first time we talked about it is when we lost a close friend of ours… Finn. He died unexpectedly at 19, and it was a huge shock for all of us. He was there, and then… he wasn't." I shrug sadly. "So, after that, Santana and I decided to have um… an 'away ritual'…"
"An away ritual…?" She repeats. "What's that?"
"Well, um…" I say, getting embarrassed at the idea of sharing such intimate details with a stranger. "Let's just say that before one of us has to travel somewhere, we always spend the night together, as if it was the last one ever. To say goodbye, just in case something would happen."
"So, I assume you had this… away ritual before Santana left for her promo tour?" She asks and I nod timidly.
That's actually the last time I had sex with Santana but I don't want to tell her that.
"What else did you talk about? You said you discussed 'several things'."
"Well, two years ago, I had a bad car accident." I say and she immediately writes it down in her notepad. "And after that, Santana insisted that we put measures in place, in case one of us… passed away. So, we both made a will, and agreed on how the remaining parent should raise our children."
"So, if I recap what you said… You basically said goodbye to Santana in your away ritual, to make sure you would have some sort of closure, if the unthinkable happened. And there was a whole plan ready to be activated, in case you would have to raise your children by yourself?" She asks, and I nod silently.
"And yet…" She continues. "It sounds like the first time you really confronted your wife's mortality is when her heart stopped."
And that's how I realize she is right. There's a reason why I hated these morbid discussions with Santana. I just didn't want to think about her death. Even the word alone is enough to feel this gigantic void in my stomach. When we were talking about it, I was in total denial, but Santana wasn't. She had accepted that this could happen, and it's probably because she had almost lost me in the car accident.
"I'm going to ask you something, Brittany. I need you to name every single emotion you felt when you heard that Santana had 'died'." She asks.
"Heartbroken…?" I shrug. "The idea of never seeing her face again, or hearing her voice…" I pause for a moment. "It was just so unbearable…" I admit, silent tears rolling down my cheeks. "I felt so helpless and… angry at the universe for almost taking my wife from me and our kids."
"And perhaps angry at Santana too?" She questions, much to my surprise.
"Why would I be angry at Santana?" I frown. "What happened is not her fault."
"Perhaps because… she almost abandoned you?" She says, staring into my eyes, and I immediately look down at my hands to avoid her gaze.
"It's okay to be angry, Brittany." She says. "Even at Santana."
"What kind of person is angry at their wife for almost dying in an unpredictable accident?" I ask in a sad voice.
"The loving kind." She replies. "It's completely natural to want your wife to survive." She says while I remain silent.
"Brittany, are you angry at Santana?" She asks more directly. "I need you to answer that question."
I take a long exhale, nervously playing with my hands.
"Yes…" I eventually admit in a shy whisper, immediately feeling ashamed.
"Tell me why."
"Because… I…" I trail off. "I met Santana at 14 and I was 17 when we started dating… I barely recall what my life was before I met her, because she's been by my side for more than half of it!" I say, getting upset. "We had this whole plan together: buy a house, have children, grandchildren, travel once we retire, and at 90 years old, be the cute couple everyone is jealous of. But she almost left me before she even turned 30! That was not the plan…" I shake my head. "The plan was to have a whole life with my wife!" I sob, covering my eyes with my hands.
LATER THAT DAY – AT THE BEACH HOUSE
After my meltdown at the therapist's, I come back home and find Santana chatting with her mom in the living room.
"Hi…" I say, and the two of them greet me back with a smile. "Um… San, could we talk for a minute?" I ask timidly.
"Of course!" She says, excusing herself before following me into the hall.
"How did it go?" She asks.
"Not here." I whisper, grabbing her hand to lead her to our bedroom.
"It was tough…" I say, after closing the door behind us. "But she told me things that give me a fresh perspective."
"That's great, Britt." She smiles.
"I have to see her again in a few days but… in the meanwhile, she gave me 'exercises' to do at home, with you."
"Oh?" She says, surprised. "Um… okay, like what?"
"It may sound strange, but I swear she's the one who recommended it…" I reply. "She said we should lay down and hug in silence, for five minutes per day. Outside our bedtime."
"Really?" She says, obviously not expecting that. "Well, I like her already!" She adds, making me chuckle.
"Shall we…?" She asks timidly and I nod in agreement.
We both sit on the bed and once we eventually lay together, Santana extends her arms to invite me closer to her.
I hug her tight, placing my head on her chest.
FLASHBACK TO BRITTANY'S THERAPY SESSION
"It's very important that you both stay silent, so that you can focus on anything that remind you that Santana is alive." The therapist says, making me frown in confusion. "For instance, you can listen to her heartbeat. Pay attention to the rhythm of her heart, try to memorize it in your head, so that when you feel overwhelming worry, you can hold on to the memory of the sound. You can do the same with her breathing. Let yourself feel her warmth, the tightness of her embrace, breathe in her perfume… And if she moves or if she touches you, try to memorize how it feels against your body."
PRESENT TIME
Following the therapist's recommendations, I focus on Santana's heartbeat, which is – just like Dr. Beaumont said – strong and regular, like a reassuring presence. Her breathing is soft and clear, not like when she was coughing at the hospital. I close my eyes and let myself drown in the warmth of her body, and in the mixed scent of her perfume and her shampoo.
Just like Santana says about me, she feels like home. And that is so comforting…
I eventually focus on her gentle touch as her fingers slowly run along my back, and on the softness of her lips when she occasionally kisses my temple.
The therapist said this exercise would bring me back to the present moment, and to the reality of Santana being in a much better shape than she was a few weeks ago. She also told me it would help me be more serene, and she was right. This is the calmest I have felt in months.
"Well…?" Santana eventually asks, breaking the silence, and I'm pretty sure we hugged for much longer than five minutes. "Did it help?"
"Yes." I smile, capturing her lips in a kiss.
"I must say it was extremely enjoyable for me too…" She laughs. "Any other exercise she gave you? A strip-tease maybe?" She jokes, making me playfully slap her arm.
"It's not that kind of exercise." I chuckle.
"Well, maybe she'll take suggestions." She says "innocently" while I roll my eyes.
"Actually, she also asked me to choose one thing I really like about you physically, and… I think I'm going to pick your face, because I love everything about it." I admit. The softness of your skin…" I say, caressing her cheek. "Your beautiful brown eyes, that cute nose…" I add, tracing it with my index finger. "Your full cheeks and… urgh, these incredibly sexy dimples…" I sigh in awe, making her blush. "And God knows how much I love your gorgeous smile and these plump lips of yours…" I eventually say, reconnecting our mouths.
And just like during our exercise, my mind focuses entirely on the present moment: the taste of her lips and the velvet feeling of her tongue slowly swirling with mine, hot air hitting my skin as she breathes out through her nose.
Even though it started slow, our kiss is growing hotter and hotter by the second. And before I know it, I find myself laying on top of her.
While she holds me tightly in her arms, my hand sneaks under her shirt through her collar, to caress the soft skin of her shoulder, and move closer and closer to her boob…
"Santana, Brittany! Dinner is ready!" My mom suddenly shouts from the living room, brutally interrupting our make out session. God, our parents have always had the worst timing in the world!
Even though we should get up, we stay still for a minute, silently staring into each other's eyes.
"I love you." I eventually say, placing one more kiss on her lips.
"Love you too, wifey." She smiles, and I reluctantly roll off her body.
THE NEXT MORNING – AT THE BEACH
While we were all walking along the beach, we ran into Charlie and Louise, who arrived in Hawaii last night. We had barely said hi that Louise, true to herself, already tried to enroll Santana and me into the dance competition, just like last year.
Every cell of my body was urging me to immediately say no – mostly because I still worry so much about Santana – but I didn't, trying to let my Latina make her own choice. Like the therapist said, I need to trust that Santana knows best what's good for her or not. But much to my surprise, she declined the proposal. After telling Charlie and Louise all about the earthquake, she said she wouldn't be physically able to put up with dance rehearsals every day and didn't want to drag me down.
"Okay, well… What about a game of petanque?" Louise suggests. "That's the least tiring sport you can play here."
God, she can't give it up, can she?
"Oh, you're on." Santana replies, before I can react. "Get ready to cry." She warns Louise and I know it's a serious threat, because she used to play petanque with her Abuelo before he passed away.
LATER THAT DAY – ON THE BEACH
We have been playing petanque for a while but unfortunately, I'm not as good as Santana. Every ball I throw is just running long, moving way passed the jack. I'm actually so bad at this that we're about to lose the game.
"Is that how you 'make me cry', Lopez?" Louise teases Santana, using air quotes. "There's no way you can come back from this."
"I'm sorry…" I whisper to Santana, feeling guilty.
"Don't worry, honey…" She winks in a very confident way, much to my surprise. Louise is right, how can Santana turn this around? She's holding our very last ball and even if she would manage to bring it close to the jack, it would still not get us enough points to win.
Before I know it, Santana throws the ball and hits the jack so powerfully that it rolls away from Charlie and Louise's balls, all the way to where mine are.
"What the…" Louise trails off, watching in disbelief.
"Well, I believe we crushed you!" Santana says with a proud grin. "Are you ready to cry now?"
"Oh my God, I can't believe we won!" I scream in excitement, throwing myself into Santana's arms. "That was incredible, honey!" I say, placing my hands on her cheeks to pull her into a kiss. "I was feeling so guilty for making us lose and you managed to turn it around?!"
"We turned it around, wifey." She smiles. "We won because you threw the balls long, and I hit the jack. You and I make the perfect team!" She smiles, hugging me tight.
"I hate you both." Louise says in an upset voice and immediately walks away, followed by a silent Charlie. "And it ain't over!" She warns from afar.
I usually don't care about winning games, because I'm more interested in having fun. But Louise is so competitive at everything that it just makes me want to beat her.
LATER THAT DAY (EVENING TIME) – AT THE BEACH HOUSE – SANTANA's POV
"I really think you upset her, Abuelita…" I sigh, after she basically kicked Whitney out of the kitchen.
"Santana, this recipe is the Lopez family's legacy." She says in a very serious tone, while we're preparing a traditional Spanish dish. "It's a secret that has been kept for generations!"
"I know that, Abuela. But how could Whitney not feel left out?" I point out, slicing the tomatoes.
"Santana is right…" My mom says, stirring the pot on the stove. "Whitney is the only woman of our family that you won't allow in the kitchen."
"It's not my fault if she's the only one here that is not a Lopez." Abuela protests.
"Okay, she might not wear the Lopez name, but she's still family." I argue. "She's my mother-in-law! You know that if it was not for her, Brittany wouldn't exist. Your own great-grandsons wouldn't exist!" I add, hoping this will make her change her mind.
"How long have you been married, Santana?" Abuela simply asks. "Won't it be 8 years in September?"
"Yes. So?" I frown.
"You know my rule: parents-in-laws are in after 10 years of marriage. So, in two years, I will happily welcome Whitney in our kitchen, but not before that." She says while I roll my eyes.
"Okay, how about we save everyone some time?" I suggest. "Abuelita, I'm never going to divorce Brittany. I mean it, never! So, we'll still be married in two years, ten years… even twenty."
"And what if Brittany divorces you?" She asks, making me drop my jaw in outrage.
"She's not going to divorce me!" I frown.
"I don't know, mija… With your temper, it's already a miracle you made it this far…" She adds, making me even more offended.
"Fine, you know what? Why don't we ask her?" I suggest in a defiant way.
"Brittany, can you come to the kitchen for a sec?" I shout, my eyes set on Abuela.
"You called me, San?" Britt says after a minute, popping her head through the door.
"Yes, I have a question for you, honey. Do you think we'll still be married in two years?" I ask her.
"What?" She frowns in confusion. "Of course, we'll still be married! Why? You think we won't?" She asks, suddenly worried.
"Oh, I know we will be. But Abuela here seems to have doubts."
"Why?" Brittany asks in a sad tone, turning to Abuela.
"Ok, fine, you win!" Abuela says, raising her arms in frustration. "I guess Whitney can watch, but she can't touch anything! Except the salad, maybe. But nothing else!" She warns.
Of course, the salad may not seem much, but anyone knowing Abuela would take this as a huge win.
"Brittany, can you be a dear and get your mom?" Abuela sighs in defeat and my lovely blonde nods, before leaving the room.
EVEN LATER THAT NIGHT – AT THE BEACH HOUSE
I'm taking the boys downstairs for dinner when I run into Whitney in the hall.
"Santana! Did you hear?" She asks. "Your Abuela let me do the salad!" She says in an over-excited voice, as if she still couldn't believe it really happened.
"I heard!" I chuckle, genuinely happy for her. "I hope it went well?"
I actually missed it all because it was my turn to bathe the kids today.
"Oh, she criticized every single thing I did…" Whitney shrugs. "But I don't care, because for once, she let me participate! And let me tell you, it's going to be the best damn salad the old woman has ever tasted in her life!" She says in a very confident voice.
THE NEXT AFTERNOON – AT THE BEACH HOUSE
I'm working on the Glee scripts in the living room when I suddenly hear baby cries. It sounds like it's coming from afar but it's definitely getting closer.
"Hey… What's going on?" I ask as I see Brittany enter the living room, carrying a crying Gabriel.
"He fell on the terrace and bumped his knee." She replies, sitting him on the sofa next to her. "He doesn't seem to be injured though…" She says, taking a closer look at our son's leg. "A magic kiss should fix it! Right, bud?" She smiles, kissing his knee, before gently rubbing the painful spot.
"Aww… It still hurts?" Brittany eventually asks him, as Gabriel continues to cry. "Maybe mama can give you a magic kiss too?" She suggests, hinting at me.
I join them on the couch and take a seat on the other side of my sad boy. I first caress his blond hair slowly, and then tenderly press my lips against his knee.
"Now that you got a magic kiss from both of us, your knee is going to get all better, mijo. I promise!" I smile, kissing his head.
And just like that, his crying stops. It has always impressed me how children can turn off their tears in a second.
"It figures…" Brittany sighs, rolling her eyes.
Before I can react to what she just said, Gabriel suddenly stands up on the sofa and places his hands on both sides of my face, to give me a wet kiss on the corner of my mouth.
"Aaww, thanks, baby!" I smile, kissing his cheek right away. "But I think mommy would also like a kiss…" I tell him.
My boy doesn't need to be told twice, and immediately turns around, to give his mom a similar kiss.
"Thank you, bud… That was very sweet of you." Brittany smiles, kissing him back. "Can I give you a kiss too, mama?" She asks me and I chuckle, before nodding in approval.
She leans in to get closer to me but out of nowhere, Gabriel pushes her face away before she can reach my lips.
"What…?" She asks him, obviously just as surprised as me. "You don't want me to kiss your mama?!"
Our boy doesn't answer and when Britt looks at me, I just shrug, not knowing what that was about.
"Try again?" I mouth, looking at Brittany.
"Okay… So, um… Here's a kiss for my little buddy…" Brittany says and kisses our son's cheek, which makes him chuckle. "And here's a kiss for mama…" She leans in but Gabriel pushes her away again, screaming a sudden high pitched "no!"
"Wow, okay, I get it. You want mama all to yourself…" Brittany says, holding her hands up in defense. "Well, I guess I better leave him alone with you…" She sighs and gets up from the couch, leaving the room.
LATER THAT DAY – AT THE BEACH HOUSE
"There you are!" I say, as I finally find Brittany in the study, sitting in the armchair while listening to some old jazz music. "You okay, honey?"
She just shrugs in silence but I can tell that what happened earlier with Gabriel upset her, because her eyes are all sad.
"May I please have a kiss?" I ask as I sit on her lap, wrapping my arms around her neck.
"I don't know, apparently I have to ask our son's permission first." She says and I can't help but smirk. I'm usually the one who gets jealous when the kids monopolize her attention for too long. But this looks very cute on her.
"Well, he's not here right now. It's just you and me…" I say, caressing her cheek. "And as much as I love our son, he's not going to dictate when my wife and I can kiss." I whisper, before finally reuniting our lips.
I make sure to kiss her slow, to keep it tender and savor the familiar taste of her sweet mouth. After a while, I feel Brittany's hand shoot up to the back of my neck, pulling me closer to her while her other arm wraps tightly around my waist. It's pretty clear she needed this as much as I did.
God, this kiss is getting so fucking hot now…
We make out for another couple of minutes but I eventually pull away, knowing my body won't be able to resist much longer if we continue.
"Wow…" Brittany says, panting. "That was some kiss!"
"It really was…" I agree, trying to catch my breath. "I hope it made up for what happened earlier?"
"Yeah…" She nods, smiling at me. "But you know, San… Even if I love the complicity between you and Gabriel, I think it's starting to become a problem…"
"A problem?" I repeat, frowning in confusion.
"Yeah…" She repeats in a whisper, looking a bit embarrassed. "When you went missing, I had a really hard time calming him down. And… I didn't tell you that, but Mercedes and Sam did too when I was looking for you in San Francisco. They even got so desperate that they had to call Naya over once! And frankly, that's making me really worried, because first, I don't think Gabriel is going to confuse Naya with you for much longer, and… what if some day, I'm really all he's got…?"
"Right…" I say, pausing for a moment. "I just… I'm not sure what to do about that…" I admit with a shrug.
"I don't know, but… I think we have handled it wrong, honey." She says. "We always took the easy way. Every time Gabriel cries, you pick him up right away or I pass him onto you after a short while, because I can't calm him down. And I think he understood that! He knows that if he keeps crying with other people – me included – you will eventually take him in your arms. So… I don't know, maybe I should just spend more time with him alone. And you should spend some alone time with Diego as well, because he's also growing increasingly attached to me!" She adds. "Our boys have to get used to both of us, just like Sofia did."
"Okay." I nod in agreement, knowing that she's right. "Well… what if we don't go to the beach tomorrow morning?" I suggest. "Sofia can go with the grandparents, and you can take Gabriel somewhere, for a fun mommy-son morning, while I take Diego on a mama-mijo adventure?"
"Yeah, that could work…" She smiles and I can't resist kissing her lips some more.
"Feeling better now?" I ask.
"Well, yes, but there's just one more thing…" She whispers, looking down.
"What is it, honey?" I ask but she remains silent.
"You know you can tell me anything, Britt… Right?" I say, caressing her hair.
"It's just that…" She pauses for a second, finally looking up to meet my eyes. "I know we haven't… had sex in a long time, and… I need you to know that I still want you. I really do. And frankly, I think we would have the other day if…" She trails off again.
"If it was not for my scars." I complete her sentence for her.
"No, that's not what I… I just…"
"It's okay, Britt." I reassure her, taking her hand in mine. "My scars brought back scary thoughts, I get it."
"Actually, my therapist advised me to take another look at them…" She whispers, looking uneasy.
"At my scars?" I frown in surprise and she nods in confirmation.
"To confront my fears or something…" She shrugs. "She said that my brain associates your scars with death, and loss… But that it could help me if I looked at it like a survival mark."
FLASHBACK TO THE THERAPIST'S SESSION – BRITTANY's POV
"You know, different people can perceive the exact same situation in very different ways." The therapist says. "And even a person can experience the same situation in different ways, depending on how they look at it." She adds. "When your brain sees Santana's scars, it brings back the anxiety and the helplessness you felt when she was missing. For you, it's a reminder of the serious injuries that she sustained, and that could have permanently taken her away from you. Am I right?" She asks and I just nod in silence, struggling to breathe.
"But you could see them in a complete different way." She says. "Brittany, it's not the earthquake that gave Satana these scars. It's the surgery." She adds. "These scars are the result of modern medicine, it's the hard work of dedicated doctors who saved your wife's life. And above it all, it's the sign of Santana's resilience, it's a testimony of how much she fought death, to come back to you and your children."
PRESENT TIME
"That's actually how I see my scars too." Santana says, agreeing with my therapist. "Without that miracle surgery, I just wouldn't be here, Brittany…" She shrugs, making me reflect for a moment.
"Can I see them again…?" I eventually ask in a timid voice.
"You're sure?"
"Yeah." I nod.
"Okay…" She whispers, getting off my lap to stand up in front of me. Our eyes lock for a moment and she takes off her shirt, revealing her scars to me.
My breathing immediately increases as a reflex, and I have to hold on to the words of the therapist – and Santana – to calm down: this surgery is the reason my wife is still with me. It's the reason I get to wake up to her every morning.
"May I…?" I ask.
"Yeah." She nods.
I try to take steady breaths as my hand moves closer to her stomach. I back down a couple of times but I eventually graze her skin carefully with my fingertips.
"Does it hurt?"
"Not anymore." She smiles, as I timidly trace along her scars.
"So… I can do this?" I ask, tenderly pressing my lips against one of the darker skin patches.
"Magic kisses?" She smirks.
"Loving kisses…" I correct her, kissing her stomach a few more times, before getting up from the chair, to capture her perfect lips in mine.
"You just need to give me a bit more time…" I whisper, even though I'm proud that I dared to look and touch her scars.
"Whenever you're ready, honey… I'm not going anywhere." She says, holding my hands in hers.
"Thanks for being so understanding, San… I promise we'll make it special when we get there."
"Well, just so you know… I already have something special in store for that day." She says.
"Oh, like what?"
"It's a long story, but… I may or may not have bought… new lingerie." She says timidly.
"Really? Show me!" I plead.
"Oh, no, no, no…" She shakes her index finger. "I'm not going to show it to you in advance, it will ruin the surprise! I just told you so you would have something to think about until then…" She smirks.
THE NEXT DAY – AT THE BEACH HOUSE
"Look who's there, buddy!" I tell Gabriel, pointing to the front door as Santana and Diego come back from their fun morning.
"Oh, hi there, little koala!" Santana smiles as she picks up Gabriel, who is still wearing his koala face paint. "So, what did you guys do today? Besides the cool face paint, obviously." She asks, kissing our son's cheek carefully not to mess it up.
"We went to the zoo, and we saw an incredible birds show!" I say in an excited voice. "Gabriel loved it! And he kept pointing at the face painting station, so… I took him there afterwards, and he chose the koala all by himself. Oh, and there was a professional photographer who took some really great shots of him! I already downloaded them, look." I add, handing her my phone.
"Oh, Gosh, he's so cute! I'm so going to put that one on my desk at Paramount, by the way." She says, scrolling through the pics. "So, you had fun, then? No cries?"
"We had lots of fun! And he was smiling the whole time, so… I guess it's a success."
"That's great, honey! I'm very happy to hear that!"
"And you, what did you do?" I ask, caressing Diego's hair while he hugs my leg.
"We went to the fair, and I must say we both had a great time! We went on this electric go-kart ride, and we got the coolest car! Isn't that right, mijo?" She asks our son who immediately giggles. "Look, mommy, I also have some great pics here." She says, showing me her phone.
"Oh, wow! You look so cool, bud!" I smile, turning to Diego. "That's another pic we should print."
"I'm definitely planning on it." Santana agrees. "And then, we got cotton candy, and let me tell you, this little fellow is already addicted to it. And finally, we saw this very funny puppet show…" She chuckles and I can't help but smile along. I'm so glad they spent some time just the two of them.
THE NEXT DAY – AT THE BEACH HOUSE – SANTANA's POV
I'm busy finalizing my script edits at the living room table, while Abula watches TV a few feet away from me. Compared to last year, Quinn and I are still a bit behind schedule but I must say that we are progressing quite well now. I'm just about to send her the revised file when Abuela suddenly breaks the silence.
"Oh, mija, come here! Isn't that the woman who played on your show for a while?" She asks, pointing at the screen.
"Who?" I ask, taking a few steps to take a closer look. "Oh, uh… yeah. It's Julia Peterson."
"Right, Julia." Abuela repeats. "You know, I keep seeing her everywhere! On TV, in magazines… There was even a big poster of her at the bus stop once. But I guess it's not surprising, with such a beautiful face! Do you think it's all natural or she got things done?"
"Oh, um… I wouldn't know, Abuela…"
If Brittany was here, I'm sure she would have immediately replied that it's fake, because it wouldn't be the first time she said it. And I never know if she just says it out of jealousy or if she actually means it.
"Do you mind changing the channel?" I ask, getting uncomfortable.
"Why?" She frowns. "I would like to see how the movie ends."
"Because… um…" I trail off. "Okay, look… Brittany hates Julia Peterson. I'm serious, she hates her guts! And if she comes in while you're watching this, she's going to get upset."
"Really?" She says, surprised. "Why does she hate her? The other day, I read in a magazine that Julia was one of the most beloved actresses! And did you know that she even donated money to renovate a home for elderlies in her city? Surely, she must be a good person, no?" She asks and I can't help but chuckle nervously.
I don't think Julia is as evil as Brittany describes her, because she did a lot for me: she helped me finalize scripts back in the days, she always did everything in her power to promote Glee, and she even financed our show when we needed additional funding. But maybe Brittany also has a point when she claims that Julia only did those things because she's attracted to me.
"Yeah? Well, she sure didn't seem like a good person when she invited me to go to bed with her." I eventually say.
"What?" Abuela frowns in surprise, turning to me in shock. "She did?" She asks and I silently nod in confirmation. "Are you sure you didn't just misinterpret her intentions?"
"It's pretty clear when someone invites you to their trailer late at night and tries to kiss you, Abuela."
"What?!" She says, obviously not believing her ears. "Oh my God, you didn't…" She pauses. "Did you?"
"No!" I frown, offended. "I turned her down and I went home to my wife!"
"Well, I'm very proud of you for resisting temptation, mija." She says, impressed. "I'm not even gay and yet, I would want a piece of that." She adds, pointing at Julia on the screen, while I roll my eyes.
Why does she insist on saying things that will scar me for life?!
"It was a lot easier than you think." I eventually say. "Of course, Julia is pretty and everything, but… I wanted Brittany." I confess with a shrug. "It's always been Brittany."
"You're in love, uh?" She smirks.
"Pfff, 'in love' doesn't even cover it… I still don't know how I managed that, but I got myself the best woman there is…"
"And how is it going between you two now?" She asks and finally turns off the TV, much to my relief. "Have you… yet…?" She wiggles her eyebrows.
"Not quite yet… There's progress, but…" I trail off.
"Still not? Did you even put on the lingerie, mija?" She asks in a reproachful tone.
"She's traumatized, Abuela!" I protest, raising my arms. "What am I supposed to do exactly? Put on the lingerie, wait in bed in a suggestive position and beg her to 'ravage my body'?"
"Well, that could work." She shrugs.
"I was being sarcastic!" I immediately say in outrage. "She's not ready yet."
"Okay, fine!" She says, holding her hands up in defense.
A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER – AT THE BEACH HOUSE
"About episode 9… I would like to check something with you." Quinn tells me over the phone. "I bumped into Naya a couple of days ago, and she asked me if you would consider letting her write an episode."
"Really?" I say, surprised.
"Yeah… I didn't know how you would feel about letting someone else write scripts, so I told her I would need to discuss it with you."
"Well… why not." I say, after pausing for a moment. "I mean, the girl can write. When we were working on her album, she showed me all these texts and poems she had written and it was really great stuff! And since this season is about the Gleeks' move to L.A., it's a setting she's familiar with, so… I'd say we could give her a chance. What do you think, Q?"
"Honestly, I have no objection. But I guess she'll need guidance."
"Well, you can already share the synopsis with her and I can prepare a more detailed plan for that episode." I reply. "Then, we give her a week or so, and we check what she has written?"
"Yep, sounds good."
THE NEXT DAY – AT THE BEACH HOUSE
I'm reading on the pool deckchair when Brittany joins me in the garden.
"Hey! How was therapy today?" I ask as she sits on the edge of my chair.
"It went well." She says with a small smile. "And you, how did it go with Leslie?"
"It went great!" I smile back. "But I have my appointment tomorrow morning with Dr. Beaumont, so I guess we'll see how well I'm progressing."
"I'm sure he's going to confirm that you've progressed a lot." She replies and her sudden confidence surprises me, knowing how cautious she used to be.
"Well, I hope so."
"By the way…" Brittany says. "Do you think we could ask the grandparents to watch the kids tomorrow night? I was thinking that you and I could go to the restaurant... You know, the one with the fountain?"
"The 'eternal fountain…'?" I ask and she nods in confirmation.
"A special night calls for a special place…" She says timidly.
Wait, what? Did she just say "a special night"?!
"Do you mean that we will… um…" I trail off, trying not to get my hopes up.
"We will have a nice, romantic dinner, and then… I'm definitely planning on seeing that lingerie, Lopez." She whispers into my ear, making me shiver.
I should be used to it by now but it still impresses me how Brittany manages to turn me on with just one sentence. And I guess it must show all over my face because she gives me a very proud smirk, before walking away.
A/N: So, I thought it was needed to address Brittany's trauma, and I did my best with the knowledge I have, while balancing these heavy moments with other cute/funny scenes. And before I forget, let me remind you again that although San and Britt are divorced in "She knows me too well", it is not the case in the "Tell our story" universe. They will never get divorced here :)
I also wanted to tell you that given all the technical issues on the platform, I have backed up my stories and if FFN were to disappear, I would be ready to re-post my stories on AO3. But hopefully, the platform will remain.
So, what did you think of this chapter? Please let me know in the comments, because as long as the stats module is broken, I still have no way to know if my chapter is even being read. Thank you in advance!