They spent four days at her parent's house.

After Olivia sent an email to her school's principal asking for an unprecedented week off, her request was quickly approved. She spent the time off trying to push down her sadness and willing herself to get over this unfortunate event at all cost. As much as Fitz was trying not to, much like her mother, he hovered. Any slight changes to her facial expression, he was at her feet ready to be burdened. Olivia hated it. His overzealous treatments made her feel so fragile. Like this miscarriage would be this dark cloud that followed her everywhere forever. She felt like the very person she had worked so hard to become was slipping away from her, and she was having a hard time coming to terms with that.

Her mother was worse. With the help of Mrs. Robinson, she fed her delicious foods rich in iron and fiber like clockwork. All of which Olivia promptly threw up violently. Her body was still operating as though she was with child. That served as another punch to the gut that she wasn't prepared for. To counter her nausea, her mother and Mrs. Robinson also forced herbal teas – meant to cleanse her from within- down her throat. She hated it all. Everything they did only served to make her feel more… broken. More defective.

The only person who didn't get on her nerves was her dad. She spent most of her time with him. Her father has always been a man of few words. He didn't speak much, but his actions were always loud. He saw no point in constantly reminding her of what she's lost. But the way he showed up for her was subtle and very loving. He served as her buffer between her mom and sometimes, even Fitz. He was the one urging them to let her breathe. Sometimes, he would plot the silliest escapes with her in the middle of the night. He took her for long drives to get ice cream. He took her for long walks to clear her head and get some air. He snuck her popcorn and the occasional dark chocolate bar to assuage her cravings. He kept her company in his study – sometimes they'd both read, sometimes they'd listen to records and sometimes they'd watch movies that took her mind off the realities of her life completely. Dominic Xavier Pope was truly her hero.

By day four, Olivia decided she was well enough to leave. Her mother pitched a fit worthy of an Academy Award.

"Mommy, I love you, but I have to go." Olivia begged. "I have a life to get back to."

"I know sweetpea. I'm just saying, you don't have to force yourself back to normal." Maya prepared a strong case, undoubtedly rehearsed with conviction and a soft maternal touch. "Why don't you take the rest of the school year off?"

"Mom, that's absurd." Olivia immediately shot the suggestion down. "I'm not doing that. Did you raise a quitter?"

It was May. Olivia hadn't come this far with her kindergarteners to leave them without so much as a "goodbye" or "I'm proud of you" for all their hard work this year. The ask greatly offended her. Especially coming from her mother, a former educator in her own right.

Maya pouted. "It was worth a shot." She said, "I'm just worried about you, Livia."

Unable to go through another surge of emotions and crying party, Olivia simply hugged her mother and kissed her cheeks. "Mommy, I'll be fine." She promised. "I'll check in with you, Fitz will take over your place and make sure I eat and all that jazz. But I cannot cage myself in that room anymore. I need to get back to my routine. You understand, right?"

At last, Maya nodded and relinquished. Albeit reluctantly. "Okay. But you come back here anytime you need. This will always be a safe place."

"Thank you!" Olivia pulled her into another hug. This one was filled with love, gratitude and something else. Something more powerful than love. Something that not even loss, tragedy and disappointment could outweigh. She leaned her forehead against her mom's and smiled. They stayed in their special embrace for a few before Olivia pulled away and kissed her mother's forehead. "I love you so much Mom. I'm so glad you were chosen to be mine."

"Oh get out of here before I start crying." Maya said, wiping incoming tears.

"Yes ma'am."

Olivia took the steps to her room by two. She burst into her room and found Fitz on the bed, playing on his switch. She walked up to him and placed a firm yet excited kiss on his lips. It gave Fitz's entire body a jolt of adrenaline.

"Woah?" Fitz questioned with a raised eyebrow and gaping lips.

It was the most excitement he's gotten from her in days. He found himself smiling.

"Let's blow this popsicle stand." She clapped her hands, urging him to get a move on. "Quickly Fitz. Before my mother comes up here in tears."

"Okay, okay. Let me pack." Fitz said.

Olivia grabbed his hand, pulling him off the bed before she disappeared into the bathroom to change her pad. "Just grab my meds, the laptop and the chargers. Everything else is nonessential. Leave them here for next time."

In less than five minutes, they were packed and hand in hand, they strolled down the stairs to say their goodbyes to her parents and Mrs. Robinson. Her mother was inconsolable of course, as per usual. Mrs. Robinson made equal fuss but in the end, Dom rescued them and decided to walk them out to their car.

"Remember what I said, Fitz." Dom told Fitz.

The two men hugged. Fitz held on just a bit longer. This family was quickly turning him into a hugger. Though he could argue, it wasn't so much that he was becoming a hugger, as much as he felt safe and loved by these people. They didn't have to care about him or adopt him into their lives, but they had. And he loved them.

"Thanks." Fitz said when they pulled away. "You better keep practicing your swing. Cause I'm coming back to kick your butt at golf this summer."

During his stay, Fitz had bonded with his in-laws a lot. He grew to appreciate them in a way he never knew possible. He also spent a lot of time with Dominic. Dom seemed to know exactly what Fitz needed at times, when he felt so incredibly lost and alone these past few days. One night, Dom invited Fitz to his man cave for a nightcap and a friendly game of simulation golf. Fitz turned out to be better at it than expected, even though he's never played golf a day in his life. And now all of the sudden, he was a pro and gloating and taunting his father in-law.

"Okay, now you done got too much dip on your chip!" Dom protested. "Bring a pocket full of cash next time. We'll see what's what."

"Oh it's on, old man." Fitz grinned.

Olivia shook her head as she watched their interactions. This was so special to her. It made her bittersweet sometimes that she couldn't have the same bonds with Fitz's family. But she was forever grateful for the way her parents had taken to him. These were his family now, and that made these memories invaluable to her.

"Dad, don't listen to him. He's a tease and he will rob you blind!" Olivia interjected.

"Babe." Fitz pouted. "Whose side are you on anyway?"

Olivia never thought the day would come where she would be between her dad and the man she fucked. Well, loved. But she wasn't going to fall for this trick. She was smarter than that.

"Oh, would you look at the time!" She said randomly.

She quickly hugged her dad who squeezed her extra tight.

"My strong, beautiful baby girl." Dom whispered in her ear. "I'll miss you, puppy."

"I'll miss you too, dad." Olivia replied. "Thank you for everything."

"Oh, say nothing of it." Dominic smiled, rubbing her back. "I sent you money on your account. Get yourself something nice. You deserve it."

Olivia pulled away and stared at him. "Dad, you didn't have to do that." She said.

"I do. I will not hear a word of it." Dominic argued. "You and Fitz are buying a house. Save your money."

Olivia knew better than to argue. So she simply kissed her father's cheek and nodded. "Love you, old man."

"Hey, I'm not even sixty yet." Dom objected.

"Soon enough. I can't wait for your party at the end of the month. It's gonna be great." Olivia said.

Dom nodded. "Knowing your mother, yes it will."

He walked Olivia to the passenger side of the truck and opened the door for her to get in. Once Olivia was buckled, Fitz got in the car as well and sparked the engine.

"Okay you two. Take care of yourselves and take care of each other." Dom commanded. "You hear?"

"Yes sir." Fitz and Olivia answered in unison.

"Alright." Dom slapped the hood of the car and stepped back. "Drive safe. Love you both."

The drive home was surreal. It was the first time they'd left her parent's home feeling so emotionally exhausted and individually changed. But Olivia was choosing to embrace the feeling. She realized that shutting herself down was only a recipe for disaster. By the time they reached the interstate, she vowed to herself that she would heed her father's command. She will take care of herself. She will heal. And she will find her happy place in the world again before this emotional blow.

When they got home, it was almost midnight. The ride was smooth and nice, but they were completely depleted of energy. They ascended from the garage to their apartment in silence. Fitz opened the door and they both walked in. For a moment, Olivia stood still, waiting for flashbacks to assault her. When nothing came, she cautiously took another step then another, then another until she was standing in her bedroom, looking at the space.

She didn't know why she expected it to be an artifact that represented the most horrific experience of her life. But she was surprised when she found it in pristine condition. Clean sheets, fluffy pillows, heavenly notes of citrus and peonies permeating the room, and the feeling of comfort.

"You okay?" Fitz asked.

Olivia nodded. "I think so." She replied. She turned around to look at him. "I don't know why, but for some reason I thought I was going to have a meltdown coming back here. But it feels good. Feels like home."

Fitz was glad. He couldn't say he had the same experience coming back here a few days ago, but he was comforted in knowing that she felt peace here still. Because home for him was wherever she was.

He leaned down and kissed her temple. "I'm glad baby." He said. "Wanna take a shower?"

"Yeah. That'd be nice." She answered. "Will you join me?"

Fitz nodded. "Sure. Go ahead. I'll be right behind you."

While Olivia went inside the bathroom to get the shower started, Fitz was in the room removing his shoes and his watch. He put their phones in the charger and texted his in-laws that they made it home safely. After that, he went to find Olivia in the bathroom.

He found her standing in front of the mirror, stark naked, looking at herself. Her hands laid on her stomach as she studied her form. He watched her and took in just how gorgeous she looked. But he knew this was probably not what this moment felt like to her.

"You're beautiful." He rasped.

Olivia looked up at him from the mirror. She offered a small smile. "You're sweet, baby."

She walked towards him and softly kissed his lips. "Let's shower. You look tired." She began to make quick work of discarding him out of his clothes, lifting his shirt over his head and then sliding his trousers and boxers down his legs, in a heap on the floor. She then pulled him behind the glass of the walk-in shower.

They didn't speak. They just let the water wash them away. Olivia took great care in shampooing Fitz's hair for him – massaging his scalp and running her fingers through his soft hair. She then washed his chest and gave him the softest kisses whenever their eyes met. Fitz repaid the favor by soaping her body for her too. When he arrived at her chest, the weight of her perfect breasts in his hands stirred something inside him. The whole routine was relatively innocent in comparison to the dirty things they've done in this shower before. But for Fitz, it had been a full week since they last had sex. He was filled with emotional tension and stress in his entire body. Massaging soap over Olivia's body was enough to get all the blood in his body to flow straight to his dick.

He looked down and closed his eyes. This was the worst possible time ever to be having erections. He knew this joint shower was a bad idea.

"Shit!" He hissed under his breath.

Olivia turned her head to look at him. "You okay?" She asked.

Fitz nodded, his chest, cheeks and ears red with embarrassment. "Yeah. Fine."

Olivia turned her whole body to face him and felt something poke her in the stomach. Looking down, she saw his perfect and exquisitely amazing cock standing at attention. Fuck. He was such a beautifully built man.

"Ummm… well someone misses me." Olivia teased with an amused chuckle.

Fitz threw his head back and closed eyes in agony. "I'm sorry. I-I…"

Olivia pushed him against the wall and then pressed her index finger against his lips, shushing him. "Nothing to be sorry about. It's a natural reaction." She placed a soft kiss against his lips, only pulling back to lick his lips in the most sensual way Fitz had ever experienced. He grunted.

"I can help." Olivia whispered, her hands gliding down his chest and quickly disappearing between their bodies.

It took every ounce of strength Fitz had left to stop her. His body screamed at him while his brain suffered mini strokes from the mixed signals his nerves were firing off. Before Olivia's dainty little hands could wrap around him, he grabbed them and entwined their fingers.

It wasn't right. She just went through hell. She was still in physical pain from losing their baby. And here he was, not even a full week later, getting erections and essentially forcing her to service his cock. It didn't feel right. He wasn't that kind of guy. No matter how painful this erection felt. No matter how much he needed the release.

"Please don't touch it baby." He looked down at the twitching monster between his thighs, he groaned loudly. "Fuck fuck fuck. I'm sorry. I-I can't. It's not a good idea."

Olivia stared at him strangely. "Baby-"

Fitz blew out an exasperated breath. He tried counting in his head. He tried thinking of puppies. He tried thinking of senior nursing homes. Nothing was working. Fuck! "Okay, this is gonna sound really cliche, but it's not you. It's me." He said.

Olivia raised her eyebrows, forever confused. It was definitely not him and his massive cock certainly proved that. She didn't understand what the big deal was. This was normal. Sure he couldn't be buried balls deep inside her right now, as they both would like, but she didn't understand why he was being so strange about her pleasing him in other ways.

Unless…

"Get that thought out of your head." Fitz said.

He knew her. He knew the incredulous thoughts that were swimming inside her head and he wanted them evaporated before they took root. He grabbed her face and devoured her lips. His tongue flirted with her bottom lip until she gave him access to engage hers in a sensual dance of remembrance. God! How could kissing her feel so good? This was not helping him calm down at all.

He pulled away, leaving her panting and staring at him with a million unasked questions.

He explained. "Please. If you touch it, I'm fucked. We can't right now, okay? Just leave it alone. It'll go down in a minute."

"But why?" Olivia asked. "I can just-" She made a jerking motion towards her mouth with a closed fist.

That most certainly was not helpful.

"Don't let me think about it. God! Baby, have mercy on me just this once. I'm begging you."

Fitz turned away from her, and faced the wall. He thought he was gonna burst into tears. This was the worst torture of his life. Just when he thought he might turn back around and beg her to get on her knees and take him inside her mouth, he felt the water temperature streaming icy cold water over his head.

"Ooooh! Fuck me." He mumbled under his breath as he shivered. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or still in hell.

He felt Olivia kiss his back and then he was alone in the shower, slumping against the walls and banging his head. How humiliating.

Ten minutes later, after taming the beast and brushing his teeth, Fitz emerged from the bathroom with a fresh towel wrapped around his waist, and another in his hand, drying his hair. Olivia was sitting at her vanity doing her skin care routine. He quickly threw on some pajama bottoms and then walked to her. He knew they needed to talk. The last thing he wanted was to unlock any insecurities for her.

He turned her around in her chair to face him. He tilted her head up and her captivating, chocolate brown eyes blinked at him. Fitz smiled. How the fuck is she so beautiful? It was paralyzing to look at her sometimes. He stroked her cheeks before leaning down to meet her lips in a sweet smooch.

"That back there had nothing to do with you." He said reassuringly. "I just don't want to do that without you. Not until you're ready again, okay? I owe you that much." He kissed her lips again. Olivia smiled.

"That's so admirable." Olivia grinned. "But if I were you, I would've taken the blowjob. Ain't no way."

Fitz burst out in laughter. "You asshole!" He shook his head before placing a final kiss to her lips. "Come to bed. I wanna cuddle."

"Okie dokes." Olivia beamed.

She finished her bedtime routine with Fitz massaging her shoulders. He was really good at that. His big hands had this powerful ability to make her melt. Especially when they were dissolving all of the knots in her shoulders and neck. What a man.

Once she finished her routine, she stood up facing him and raised her arms out to him. He rolled his eyes but understood the assignment nonetheless. Soon enough, her legs were wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck as he walked them towards the bed. He laid her in the middle of the bed gently and slid on top of her. She cradled his head and pulled him down for a kiss. It was sweet, it was playful and totally swoon worthy. Fitz pushed her hair away from her face and just stared at her through their kisses. Olivia blushed.

"What?" She asked bashfully.

"You're gorgeous. I can't get over it." Fitz responded.

Olivia giggled, heat rising on her cheeks. "You're a flirt."

Fitz smirked. "Maybe." He answered. "But I mean this. You're incredibly beautiful." He leaned down and kissed her exposed shoulder, inhaling her smell in the process. He closed his eyes at the aroma. She smelled delicious. Like brown sugar, spice and everything nice. It was intoxicating.

Olivia blinked back tears. How does he always know? How does he always know when she needs him? When she needs his voice to uplift her? When she needs his touch to reassure her? God, what a man!

"Thank you baby." She finally accepted the compliment. Kissing his cheek, she added, "You make me feel beautiful."

Fitz nuzzled his nose against her cheek. He wanted to bite her. He didn't know where the random urge was coming from. He's never met a human being who was so multidimensional in their allure. One minute she was drop dead gorgeous, the next, she was incredibly hot and could totally make him feel way out of his league. And then there was right now, when she was so impossibly cute, he wanted to sink his teeth into her flesh.

He didn't give the urge much thought. He instead covered her lips with his for another kiss. This one was slow. He took his time exploring her mouth and playing with her tongue. She tasted divine. He strained against the urge to lose control and intensify things, but he knew they couldn't go any further than this for tonight. But Olivia didn't have that same problem. Her tiny hands mapped out every inch of skin she could touch. She wrapped her legs higher around his torso while caressing his shoulders, his back – drawing an invisible line down his spine. Fitz moaned in her mouth and shivered with goosebumps. She was gonna be the death of him.

Her exploring continued past his waist until she dipped both of her hands inside his pants and pressed him deeper into her. Fitz felt his hard fought erection returning and he pulled away.

"Oh no, you don't!" He shook his head at her.

Olivia pouted. "I can't even cop a feel?" She asked, fluttering her lashes at him.

Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it!

Fitz laughed. "Leave my ass alone, woman!" He said.

Olivia removed her hands from his pants and poked her bottom lip out. "Fine." She said.

Fitz rolled off her and pulled her body into his, spooning her. He kissed her temple. Olivia scooted closer to him, wagging her ass against him as she tried to get comfortable in his embrace. Fitz didn't think she was doing it on purpose, but he wouldn't put it past the little tease.

He put his hand on her hip to stop her movements. "Livvie, can you stop moving?" He whispered.

Olivia snickered. Poor guy! "Sorry babe." She said sincerely.

She moved a bit forward and created some space between their lower bodies.

"Is that better?"

Not really.

Fitz hummed. "Yes. Thank you."

He adjusted his pillow and clapped the lights off. The room fell silent – the only sound; their even breathing. Fitz wrapped his arm around her waist and Olivia found his hand and entwined their fingers together. They remained quiet, with the hope that sleep would soon take them.

Olivia was nearly asleep when she felt a sudden sharp cramp that caused her body to jerk.

"How bad?" Fitz mumbled.

Over the last few days, he's had a front row seat to how terrible her cramps were. He constantly felt like his heart was in a knot every time she twitched with pain. And he was making her life impossible with how much he worried. So they came up with a system. He would try not to jump at her and freak out if she could tell him from a sliding scale between one and ten, how intense her pain was. The first couple of days from the hospital were awful. The muscle relaxers helped some, but they didn't completely banish the cramps. He wished he could take her pain away.

"Mild five." Olivia answered.

Five was okay. Maybe just residual effects. Fitz sighed.

He turned on his back and pulled Olivia to his side. She came to him willingly and threw her leg over his, tangling their limbs together. Using his right hand, Fitz lifted her shirt and cautiously placed his hand over her stomach.

"Is this okay?" He whispered.

Olivia nodded in the crook of his neck. "Perfect."

With that confirmation, he gently started to rub her tummy to soothe her. He traced silly patterns on the skin. Olivia felt a wave of tears approaching and she willed herself to keep them in. If she started crying, he would only worry. But for the first time since the miscarriage, these tears weren't necessarily all bad. Sure there was a hint of sadness hidden somewhere in there. But only because she was picturing him doing this to a fuller, rounder, baby-aboard belly. It was a beautiful image. One she hoped to experience someday.

"That feels amazing." She told him. "Thank you."

Fitz kissed her nose repeatedly until she chuckled. "Thanks for washing my hair earlier. I really enjoy when you do that for me." He said.

Olivia made a personal note to do that more often for him. "You got it, babe."

Fitz sighed peacefully. "Have I ever told you I love you?" He asked.

Her favorite sentence! Olivia's face split into a loving smile, as she searched for Fitz's electric blues in the dark. She found him already looking at her.

"You do?" She played along.

"Very much." Fitz smiled.

"How much?" Olivia asked playfully.

Fitz continued to rub her back, writing poems on her skin with the tip of his fingers. Olivia shivered.

"More than all the waves in the sea." He whispered softly.

Olivia beamed and kissed his chin. "I love you so much too, papa." She confessed.

She ran her hand up and down his chest and breathed him in.

"You smell like home." She said sleepily.

Fitz smiled. Home. He couldn't have said it better himself. That was perfect.

May brought healing and unexpected beauty.

Olivia returned to work after her time off. She was more focused than ever. She watched as her students strived and worked harder to end the year on a strong note. Some of them got better at cursive. Others excelled at skip count and simple additions. Some began to enjoy reading more. Others started participating more in class, becoming less shy. Olivia was proud and loved them all.

Two weeks after the miscarriage, her period ended and the cramps vanished with it as well. It was as if it never happened. But the feelings stayed. She sobbed all afternoon that day. Three days following, she met with her gynecologist. After an awkward viewing of the best show in town between her legs, Dr. Callahan assured her that all was well. You could get pregnant again tomorrow if you wanted, she'd said.

The thought terrified Olivia.

She told Fitz the good news that night over dinner. He was happy for her. But at 3am when she felt his erection up her butt, and turned to him for pleasure, he denied her. Let's sleep baby. That one hurt a little.

She also took up running again. Something she used to despise was now her favorite way to start the day. Just her and mother nature. Some mornings she ran until she felt relief pouring out of her. And then there were other mornings when she woke, and her only instinct was to try to meet the axis at which the earth ended and take a free dive down its slope. She could never get there. But damn she tried.

In addition to running, she also started swimming and attending Pilates and HIIT training classes again at her sports club in Midtown. The intense routine was working wonders. Because when she met her besties for dinner one casual Thursday evening, they were stunned by her transformation. They lavished her with compliments that would flatter anyone. But Olivia sat silent. She was more toned, slightly muscular but undoubtedly very hot. But what her friends didn't know was that – strong, toned, hot bodies betrayed. In the worst ways possible sometimes.

"Aww shucks! Thanks girlies. All I had to do was lose a baby." She thought.

But instead, she accepted the compliments and drowned her depressive thoughts in wine.

The month continued and she sank further into her routines. Or was it her demons? She called her mom twice a week and reported that she has been eating her foods as promised. She went on date nights with her boyfriend as often as his current busy schedule will allow. She hung out with Abby. She tried initiating sex and was denied, again. She cried alone. She ran. She ran. She ran.

But no matter how far she ran, her grief followed her around. Because the truth is, she felt her loss everywhere. Or rather she looked for it, maybe? But either way, the shadows threatened to pull her under and shackle her indefinitely.

She felt it on the trains when a random blue eyed baby smiled at her in his stroller. Maybe he or she would've had Fitz's eyes.

She felt it in the farewell hugs her students gave her at their graduation ceremony. Maybe he or she would've loved arts and crafts, or reading, or science.

She felt it when she babysits Noah and his little hands grabbed her face and babbled nonsense on her cheek. Maybe he or she would've been as talkative as Noah.

The thoughts plagued her and punched her in the guts until she had no choice but to sit with them and rock herself back and forth.

The week of her father's big 60th birthday came at the end of May. Her family was expecting her. But Olivia couldn't summon enough energy to even pick out a thoughtful gift. It was Sunday. The birthday party was the upcoming Friday.

Sunday was also date night. Fitz wanted to take her to the movies and have dinner after. She was supposed to be getting ready, but her body simply wouldn't move.

"Hi, good looking." Fitz approached her on the bed.

He joined her, laying on the opposite side of where her head was facing. Their faces were perfectly aligned. He stared into her eyes and saw nothing but sadness.

"Hi handsome." Olivia replied somberly.

"What's wrong?" He asked, stroking the bridge of her nose.

Olivia shook her head. "Nothing."

"You hungry?" Fitz probed further.

Another shake of her head. No.

"You wanna watch TV?"

No answer.

"You wanna stay in tonight instead?"

A shrug. Then a sigh.

"No. It's date night. I love date night. I don't know what to wear." Olivia huffed.

Fitz laughed, pinching her nose. She grimaced in that cute way he loves. "Should we go rob a clothing store?"

That perked her up a little. She caressed his cheek and stole a quick kiss from his lips. And then she started crying out of nowhere. She missed him. She missed not feeling so sad. She missed herself the most.

"Baby…" Fitz's voice cracked. He hated to see her cry. He felt useless and completely heart broken. "Parlami, per favore." He pleaded.

Please talk to me.

"I miss you." Olivia whispered tearfully.

Fitz felt his heart shatter. Sure he's been busier than usual with the gym, trying to reach the finish line on the project. But he made time for her. He was there.

He got into the bed next to her and pulled her into his arms. He kissed her forehead before wiping away her tears. "I'm right here, mama." He grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles before entwining their fingers. "What do you need?" He asked.

Olivia sniffled and wiped new fallen tears. "Just hold me."

Fitz wrapped his legs around her and held her for dear life. Every now and again, he would kiss her forehead. He put his hand under her shirt and rubbed circles in the middle of her spine. When he could no longer feel tears wetting his neck, he pulled away to look at her. She was pouting. He chuckled softly.

"I think she would've had your nose." He said.

Olivia's eyes flickered to his and she dissolved into tears all over again. How did he know? My God.

This time, Fitz knew the difference. These weren't sad tears, these were healing tears. He wiped them away and strummed his index finger down her pouty lips.

"And your pouty lips too." Fitz added. "God help us."

Olivia chortled and her tear filled eyes glowed. "You're an idiot." She said lovingly.

She leaned in and kissed his lips again. He pulled her closer and unleashed a kissing attack all over her face until her laughter started echoing throughout their chamber. Fitz loved it.

Olivia rolled on her back and dragged him on top of her. She stared up into his eyes. The most beautiful set of cornflower blue eyes.

"I think he would've had your eyes." She brushed his hair off his forehead. "And your curls."

Fitz smiled down at her. He blew away a curly lash that was on her cheek and then placed a soft kiss just under her eye.

"And that kind heart of yours." Olivia added. "He would've had the best of you."

"He would've had the best mom." Fitz whispered. He placed his lips on her forehead and lingered a while. "Happy belated Mother's Day, Livvie."

And she sobbed. It was heartbreaking. But it was also cleansing.

A few hours later, Olivia threw on dark boyfriend jeans with a flared bottom and an off the shoulder, mesh crop corset top. She paired it with her favorite pair of Opyum YSL ankle strapped sandals. Her makeup was flawless and her hair was gelled down and pulled back into a low bun. She looked good enough to eat. Fitz complimented her in dark jeans, a crisp white button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and brown leather boots. He was a beautiful fucking man.

They left the house before sunset to enjoy a nice dinner at Jimmy's Rooftop Bar in Soho. After some delicious foods and cocktails, Fitz took her salsa dancing. He had no problem letting her lead until he got his rhythm. Once he did, they had a blast. She smiled, brighter than she ever had in days. She laughed, it was expressive and buoyant and incredible. She sweated and for once, it wasn't because she was punishing her body. She was having fun with her man.

When they got home, they showered together and put on a movie. Olivia didn't try initiating sex, because she knew that her efforts would be valiant at best, and she didn't know if she could handle the sting of rejection after such a great night. She fell asleep on Fitz's chest within the first fifteen minutes of The Departed.

Olivia woke up in the middle of the night for two reasons: thirst and the lack of Fitz next to her. She got up in pursuit of both. When she got to the living room area, she saw Fitz head down at the kitchen table with his laptop in front of him. He'd fallen asleep working. She made a point to chastise him for working too much.

She tiptoed to the fridge for some water and then she went to wake him up to go to bed with her. She gently scratched his back and lifted his head to wake him. In doing so, she pressed a button on his laptop, igniting the screen. She glanced at the screen out of curiosity. And her heart broke a little at his reddit search. How to help your partner through depression?

What kind of man loves like him? Literally no one else. No one else has loved her this much. This patiently. This kindly. This intentionally. This decisively. Through good and bad. And these last few weeks have been her worst. But as she looked at him asleep at the table, Olivia decided to no longer let her depression consume her. He was the best part of her. He deserved the same from her.

"Baby. Let's go to bed." She scratched his scalp and kissed his temple.

She waited patiently until he was somewhat awake to stand up.

"I'm so tired." Fitz mumbled.

"I know, baby. Let's get you cozy." Olivia wrapped her arm around his torso and led him towards their bedroom.

Once in their bedroom, she discarded him of his t-shirt because she knew he usually ran hot and didn't like to sleep with a shirt on. Then, she rolled him under the covers, hopped in next to him and pulled the covers over them.

"Love you." Fitz said gruffly.

"Love you too, bebe."

The following week, Olivia made a conscious effort to turn a new leaf. She called her mom to ask her about the details of her dad's party. She was still coming up empty on what to get the man who has everything. At last, she decided to gift him an experience. Her father loved peace. He loved tranquility. And he loved a good scotch with a cigar. She got him a box of the best Cuban cigars and premium whiskey that money could buy. She also wrote him a really great letter which she slipped in between the pages of his favorite book, signed by its dead author. She pictured his smiling face upon unboxing his gift, and Olivia felt… joy. It was a start.

Now with T-4 days before the grand event, Olivia scrambled to get ready. The first step to feeling good, was to look good. She asked Abby and Cece and Quinn out for an evening out on the town. Between trying on dresses and shoes, she shared the news about the miscarriage. There was a stark contrast in verbiage when she told them that surprised her. Fitz and I were pregnant. We lost the baby. We're getting through it together. The absence of self-culpability shifted something inside her and left her stunned. Abby cried, Cece cried and Quinn wasn't too far behind after them. Olivia found herself comforting them and reassuring them that she was okay. And for the first time since the miscarriage, she truly felt okay. She let herself be held without feeling shame. She let her "secret" permeate the air around her without feeling bereft of breath. She smiled. That was progress.

After swiping Fitz's card on one too many purchases for clothes, shoes and accessories, they went to dinner. Their usual table at Mastro's welcomed them for an evening of carefree gossip, cocktails and delicious foods. It was perfect.

The next day, Thursday, she trained with Fitz at her sports club in Midtown. After a light Starbucks coffee breakfast, he dropped her off in Queens for her hair braiding appointment at 9am.

Around noon, he texted her to check in.

Baby: How's my baby?

Irritated. I hate getting braids, it takes forever. My ass hurts, my brain hurts. Come save me!

Baby: Crap. Is there a lot left? I wanted to take you out for lunch.

Sorry papa. I'm nowhere near done. Dinner maybe?

She hoped she would be done before 5pm with this torture. Why, she all of the sudden decided that she wanted extra small, boho knotless braids was a mystery to her. She knew the final results would look good though.

Baby: Sounds good. I love you. Order some lunch.

Okay. Love you too bebe.

An hour later, he texted her again.

Baby: Did you order, woman?

Not yet.

He sent her an annoyed gif. She grinned.

Baby: Fuck it. I'll bring you lunch.

Baby: I miss you. I think I'm gonna pass out if I don't see you.

Olivia laughed as she read the message. He must be so bored without her. Her face couldn't stop smiling.

Bring starbies! Please and thank yous. Love you.

He sent her another gif, this time of some lady comically mimicking someone. Her.

Baby: Girl cannot survive on starbies alone.

Booooo! You can't stop me. I can try.

Hurry! I wanna make out with you a little.

Baby: Coming!

Don't speed, you goof.

Olivia put her phone away and spoke to her hairdresser. "My boyfriend is dropping by for a few to bring me food. Can we break when he gets here?"

"Yeah girl. No wonder you were cheesing so hard."

The comment made Olivia blush.

"I can't help it." She defended herself. "He makes me melt."

"As he should! If you're gonna be a simp for anyone, it might as well be your man."

"Well said." Olivia agreed.

True to his words, Fitz came in forty-five minutes later carrying enough food to feed a small army. She couldn't wipe the smile off her face from the moment he walked into the hair salon. Her hairdresser kept her word and let her run into his arms to kiss and hug her man.

"Where can I put all this?" Fitz asked, hand full as he kissed her back.

"What'd you get?" Olivia asked.

"Mexican food." Fitz answered.

"Mmm, yum!"

"I'll take it and set it up." Yael, the hairdresser interrupted.

Fitz looked at her and nodded. "Thanks so much." He smiled. "There's enough for everyone. Please help yourself."

"Ooh girl. I like him for you!" Yael teased Olivia. "Y'all look damn good together too."

"Thanks. "Olivia blushed.

Once Fitz's hands were free again, Olivia wrapped them around herself as she climbed him and began peppering his face with kisses.

"You're so handsome." She smiled, kissing his nose. "I missed you too."

Fitz grinned. "Thank you." He pecked her lips. "You're beautiful. The hair is coming out nicely. Can I touch?"

"Yes." Olivia nodded.

He played around with her hair for a few seconds, twisting the ends around his index finger. Olivia studied his movements and facial expressions with raised eyebrows, smirking, thinking sinful thoughts – her on all fours, with him behind her, smacking her ass and pulling her hair. God it had been too long since she got any of that. But truly, Fitz was just fascinated. This was his first time seeing her with these braids.

"No wonder it's taking so long. It's past your butt." Fitz said.

"Ugh, don't remind me." Olivia rolled her eyes. "Should we eat?"

Fitz put her down on her feet. "Sure. Let's!"

"Okie. I'm gonna go wash my hands first. One minute."

Fitz watched her disappear to the back of the salon, hair swinging down her sexy ass. He groaned internally. So far, he really liked her hair. He couldn't wait to see it all done.

When she came back, they ate together. Olivia sat in his lap as she scarfed down her birria tacos and chicken quesadillas. Fitz cracked some corny jokes and made the hairdresser laugh. He was his usual authentic, warm, kind and funny self. He was simply the best man ever. It made Olivia so proud to introduce him to people.

After lunch, he left her and promised to return for her when she was done. She texted him around five thirty that she was almost done. At six o'clock, he told her he was outside. When she pulled out her wallet to pay Yael, the woman refused payment from her.

"Your man already paid for you while you were in the bathroom earlier. Generous tipper too!" Yael smiled. "He's a keeper. You look great. I hope you'll let me braid your hair again next time."

"For sure. Thanks so much!" Olivia smiled.

And with that, Olivia left. When she got out, she felt relieved. She was glad to be outside and stretching her legs. She breathed in the fresh air and closed her eyes as she let the sun kiss her skin for a few seconds. When she opened her eyes again, she looked for Fitz's truck and found him standing in front of the car with flowers in hand, admiring her. He had the most panty dropping smirk on his face as he took her in. It turned her on impossibly.

She strutted towards him, her long hair blowing with the slight wind of the city. As soon as she was within reach of him, she jumped in his arms and kissed him until they were both breathless.

"You look fucking hot." Fitz complimented.

"Yeah? You like?" Olivia's eyebrows danced.

"I love." Fitz leaned in and bit her face lightly. "Ready for dinner?"

Olivia stared into his eyes for a while. She was hungry alright, but not for food. She had a different type of hunger that she wanted satisfied. She desperately wanted to taste his cock and suck him dry.

"Sure." She answered.

Fitz put her down and ushered her inside the passenger seat of the car. He placed her bouquet of pink roses and lilies on her lap and then buckled her up. He kissed her cheek before he shut the door and circled to the driver's side.

"I love these flowers baby. Thank you." Olivia brought the bouquet up to her nose and inhaled the sweet smell. "Thanks for my hair also. You spoil me."

"You're welcome mama. You deserve it."

Olivia reached over and ran her fingers through his soft hair. They were so much longer and she loved it.

"What are you in the mood for?" Fitz asked.

Your cock stuffing my mouth and fucking my throat.

"Sushi." Olivia answered.

She found a place in West Village that she wanted to try and Fitz punched in the address into his gps. They talked about his day as they navigated traffic. Everything was almost done for the grand reopening. He was aiming for the first Saturday in June. She volunteered to help him however she could, and he agreed to pay up in kisses, back rubs and food.

Once they were at Sushi Katsuei, they had a wonderful time. They tasted some of the most tender, flavorful and delicious cuts of fish Olivia has ever tried. They did shots of hot sake together. They tentatively talked about two summer vacations to Portugal and Belize in August. Olivia threw out some dates when she needed him to be available to her because she had plans for them. Fitz blocked them off in his calendar immediately. While they fed each other dessert, Olivia shared that she might volunteer at the Big Brothers & Big Sisters non profit programs in Brooklyn to keep busy during the summer. He was supportive. All in all, it was the best spontaneous date night ever!

Friday morning, they drove to her parent's house in preparation for her father's birthday dinner celebration at the Wölffer Estate Vineyard. Olivia was excited to get all dressed up for the event and hang out amongst friends and family.

She started getting ready at 3pm because her mom forbade her to be late. They all needed to be at the venue by 6:30pm for family pictures at sunset before the dinner and ambiance started at 8:00pm.

As they all pre-gamed in her bedroom, Cece gave her face a soft glam with a rich red lip. By 5pm, Olivia slipped into an exquisite jumpsuit with an open back and plunge neckline. The black material was made of fringe, sequins and tassels. She moved elegantly in it. Every angle she turned gave her this incredible glow with the way the sequin contrasted with her skin. She paired it with Gianvito Rossi metallic silver, open-toe stiletto sandals. She left her gorgeous braids down to flirt with her naked back and derriere. She accessorized with a few rings on alternate fingers. Her neck was left bare. The only thing Olivia wanted on her neck tonight was Fitz's hands, lips and hickeys. With a few sprays of her signature perfume, she was out the door to meet Fitz and the rest of her family downstairs to drive to the venue.

Fitz's reaction to seeing her for the first time was priceless. He was chatting with one of her aunts when his eyes caught her coming down the stairs. He excused himself rather quickly and began meeting her halfway. As he stalked towards her, his gorgeous blue eyes scanned every inch of her in the most predatory way possible while he bit his bottom lip. When she was finally standing in front of him, he caught a whiff of her perfume and closed his eyes.

"Fuck me." Fitz mumbled under his breath.

Olivia laughed heartily. That's precisely what I wanna do anyways.

"Come here."

Fitz reached for her hand and she came willingly in his arms. She wrapped one arm around his neck as her other one stroked his cheek. He dropped his head to her neck and inhaled her scent deeply. He made a strangled sound she's never heard from him before, and Olivia felt her vagina jump.

"God! Why do you smell so good and look so beautiful?" Fitz asked seriously.

Olivia pulled him away from her neck and chuckled. "I could ask you the same, Mister." She replied. "You clean up well."

Fitz's gaze kept dropping to her juicy red lips. He took a deep breath before his intrusive thoughts kicked in.

"Can I kiss you?"

Olivia frowned. She hated that he had to ask. Worst case scenario, he kisses her and she has to reapply her lipstick. Best case scenario, he pulls her into a bathroom and pushes her down on her knees and she still has to reapply her lipstick. Whichever way he wanted to play it was fine by her. Although she secretly preferred the latter.

Instead of giving him an answer, she leaned forward and licked his lips seductively.

"Can you?"

Her father's party was incredible. Between friends, family and professional acquaintances, the guests total was at 150 people. And yet, everything was flawless. Every little detail was well thought out and executed. From the seating arrangements to the eight course menu, to the toasts and music selections. Maya Pope had outdone herself again.

Olivia danced with her father. As he held her and slowly waltzed with her, she could tell he was tearing up. Her dad wasn't a crier. But the occasion and the love he felt for her moved him to tears. He told her how much he loved her gifts. How they were perfect. How proud he was of her. How perfect she was. And how she was the best daughter he could've ever wished for. By the end of their dance, Olivia was fighting back tears too as she wished him happy birthday.

For the rest of the evening, she partied with her friends and family and her boyfriend. She danced with Abby, she did shots with Quinn, and she made out with Fitz until her lipstick was wiped off her lips.

By eleven o'clock, she bid folks goodbye and escaped to a town car back to her parent's house. Once she was home, she hurriedly dragged Fitz upstairs to her room and latched her lips onto his as soon as she closed and locked the door behind them.

She impatiently tugged against his jacket and fumbled through the buttons of his shirt as she devoured his lips. Fitz moaned into her mouth and grabbed her neck to pull her closer. Olivia smiled into their sloppy, all-consuming kiss. Hallelujah! She was finally going to get some dick tonight!

She slid a hand between them and cupped the impressive bulge that strained his pants. She couldn't wait anymore. She felt like she was going to catch on fire. She pulled away from their kiss to catch her breath and unbuckle his pants.

Fitz grabbed her hands to still them for a moment. His brain was foggy from alcohol and kissing her. But he was all too aware of what was about to happen and he wanted to slow things down a bit. He was nervous.

"Are you sure?" He panted, framing Olivia's gorgeous face in his hands. "We don't have to. We can wait."

Olivia cocked her head to the side in confusion. Not again.

"Wait for what, and for how long?" She asked, frowning.

For her, the mood was instantly ruined the moment he stopped her. All night she's wanted him and made no secret of it. And now that they were so close, he was rejecting her again. She took a step back from him as she waited for him to answer.

"Babe. I'm just saying we don't have to rush." Fitz answered.

The more he tried to pacify her, the more upset Olivia became. She wasn't in the mood anymore.

"You know what…Never mind. Forget it."

"Livvie–"

She walked away from him while taking off her jewelries and unzipping her jumpsuit at the back. Fitz stood against the door feeling awful. He watched her disappear into the bathroom and minutes later, he heard the shower turn on.

He huffed and kicked his shoes off. He undressed and joined her in the bathroom. When he tried to hug her, she pushed his hands away. He flinched at her rejection.

"Olivia?" He said her name with a hint of hurt.

Olivia ignored him and just continued rinsing off. A couple minutes later, she stepped out of the shower, leaving him alone. Fitz didn't go after her. He stayed in the shower and washed off for as long as possible to give her space to cool off. He knew he fucked up.

When Fitz finally emerged from the bathroom, he found Olivia already in bed. She was on her side, scrolling on her phone and didn't spare so much as a glance at him while he moved around the room. He hated the tension between them.

Once he was dressed in boxers, he walked towards her on the bed and sat in front of her.

"Can you put the phone away for a bit?" He asked.

She stared at him for a minute before dropping the phone on the bed. Fitz grabbed the phone and placed it on the bedside table.

Olivia rolled on her back and stared up at the ceiling.

"You're upset. I've upset you." Fitz acknowledged. "Let's talk about it. Please."

A long moment of silence passed before Olivia sniffled and wiped tears at the corners of her eyes.

"I'm just frustrated." She finally spoke.

Fitz nodded. Okay. At least she was talking to him now. "Say more?" He urged. "I want to understand. I want to help."

Olivia flashed him an incredulous look before she covered her face with her hands and screamed. Fitz raised his eyebrows, concerned.

"Olivia, I need you to use words." He said firmly.

Olivia sat up against the headboard and faced him. "It's you! You frustrate me right now. And it's making me crazy!" She cried.

Fitz felt a sense of panic at the sight of tears in her eyes. He reached for her and this time, she didn't push him away. He pulled her closer to him.

"What am I doing that's so frustrating?" He asked. Olivia's eyes narrowed to slits, as if to ask him if he's being serious. He answered. "What? Because I care about you and won't force myself on you?"

Olivia snapped and removed her hands from his. "Stop it!" She said angrily. "You have to stop treating me like I'm gonna break. Or like I'm some damsel in distress who can't handle being fucked."

Because Fitz knew she was angry, he remained calm. He wasn't about to have a screaming match with her at almost 2 o'clock in the morning.

"Baby, that's not-"

Olivia cut him off. "Yes you are. You're literally doing it right now." She pointed out. More tears flooded her eyes as she asked him, "Is it me? Are you… are you not attracted to me anymore?"

Fitz's brows creased in a tight frown.

"What are you talking about? Of course I'm attracted to you!" He answered without hesitation. "How could you say that, Livvie? I could barely keep my hands off you today."

That was true.

Olivia massaged her temple. She could feel a headache coming and she knew she needed to take a step back before this turned into a full blown argument. This wasn't an argument. It was a conversation and she needed to reel it in and communicate her feelings without yelling at him. Or cry.

"Babe. How am I supposed to feel when you turn me away every time I initiate sex?" She asked. "Even when we kiss, it's me kissing you. I can sense that you've been holding back. And yeah, it's mostly an ego punch, but I guess what makes it sting more is that you offer no explanation. That leaves me vulnerable to interpret with my worst thoughts playing on a loop. I'm not used to that with you. Do you understand why I'm upset now?"

Fitz sighed. He understood perfectly. But how was he supposed to look at her and tell her that he was terrified of having sex with her again? That he was worried that history would repeat itself and break his heart all over again?

"I understand, baby. And I'm sorry." He said sincerely.

Olivia looked into his eyes. She could tell he felt awful. But that's not what she wanted.

"I don't want you to be sorry, Fitz."

She leaned her head against the board and blew out a deep breath. Because he was so transparent, Olivia could read his turmoil all over his face. She knew everything he wasn't saying.

"I'm not gonna fall apart if you bend me over, or smack my ass, or pull my hair." She stated. "You don't need to ask permission to kiss me or touch me. Are we just never gonna have sex again because I had one miscarriage?"

Fitz shrugged. "I just don't want to pressure you into anything until you're ready."

"Baby, you're not listening to me." She drawled.

Olivia pulled him on the bed and climbed onto his lap. She cradled his face between her hands and looked into his eyes.

"You told me you'd wait until I was ready. Well I am. But I don't think you are?" She spoke kindly. "I guess I didn't give much thought to that possibility. For that, I'm sorry. I can own that." She brushed her fingers through his damp hair and scratched his scalp. She watched him visibly de-stress.

Fitz wrapped his arms around her waist and squeezed her hips in a silent thank you.

Olivia blinked back tears.

"I miss you." She whispered softly. "I miss being with you and feeling close to you. I miss feeling wanted by you. I miss the way you used to pin me against the walls to kiss me. I fucking miss you." She poured her heart out. "I want you. When you're ready, let me know."

Fitz wiped his eyes before tears fell. He cleared his throat.

"Okay, okay. I hear you baby." He drew Olivia's lips into a soft kiss. "Forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive." Olivia shook her head. "Just be present with me. I love you."

Fitz smiled. "I love you too, baby. Can I hold you?"

Olivia squinted at him then hung her head back. "Oh my God, dude! You're killing me."

Fitz burst out in laughter and tackled her onto the bed. He climbed on top of her and wrapped her long legs around his waist. "Sorry. Come over here and let me hold you." He corrected.

"That's more like it." Olivia smirked as he claimed her lips in a kiss.

A thought came to Fitz and he smiled against her mouth. When he pulled away, he bit her lower lip. "Hey. Guess what?"

"What?" Olivia replied.

"We just had our first real fight! It was pretty great." Fitz made his eyebrows dance. "I'd do that again with you anytime, partner."

Olivia rolled her eyes playfully. "You're an idiot." She said lovingly.

"Well duh!" Fitz sassed.