Leo's Diary

6-8-2023

This isn't your ordinary story because I'm not even human. For starters, I have lime-green skin, grubby hands with 3 fingers and a hard shell. I am, what humans would love to describe us as a "monster". But to be more technical, I'm a giant, talking turtle. Thank goodness we have never been spotted by humans yet. We live in New York City under the sewers. Here is where I live with my three little brothers and my father, who is a giant rodent. I prefer to call him master splinter, but in my free time, I just call him father. My brothers go by the name Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo. I Love my brothers and I would do anything for them to keep them safe.

Growing up as a kid, my brother Raph was always my hero, even though hes younger than me. Not everything went all sunshine and roses for us, and he was always so protective. Everything seemed like such a walk in the park as kids, until we hit age twelve. My other two little brothers look up to Raph too. The moment he walks in, it's like he lit up an entire room. Don't get me wrong, I love Raph, and hes great. But despite having anger issues, he still has the most charisma in the room. Being the oldest, I feel like it's my job to be the protector of my little brothers. I think I just wish my brothers could look up to me as well. It feels like it should be me, not the other way around. I believe that even if they don't see it. I can't let Master Splinter have all that weight on his shoulder. But when it comes to raising little brothers, it's so tough. How can I get my brothers to listen to me? They tend to blow me off and never hear a word I have to say. But anything Raph does, my brothers follow him around, like little ducklings. One day, I dream of becoming a great leader. That way my brothers will look up to me someday. But every time I try to communicate, I feel this huge anxiety feeling that opens a hole beneath me and swallows me completely. My brothers tend to say I'm too tense or that I need to relax. But can you blame me? All our lives we have been training and preparing to survive. We practice four times a week on ninjutsu, and tai-jutsu, honing our ninja skills. The weapon that was given to me was the twin sword katanas. A leader guides you and shows you the way, and I think my brothers should listen to me if they ever feel lost. Whenever I lead, my brain just becomes clear, and I plan. Being disciplined and taking responsibility relaxes me. Because, if humans ever find out, they will try to kill us.

Then again, why is it that my brothers won't listen to me? Am I just too lame?

Leonardo put down his pencil and thought for a moment. He felt his eyes burning as tears began to well up. I'm not crying, no way. Leo rubbed his eyes quickly. He was a hard worker and the oldest, no one should catch him slacking. He grabbed his pencil and erased the last sentence. It was an old pencil with an almost overused eraser, so the bottom of the pencil almost scratched his paper. Leonardo looked at the clock on his mini desk. Well, technically it belongs to all four of them. It was 5:30 PM already. At that moment, a thick ramen scent crept into Leonardo's terrapin nostrils. At that moment he realized he was hungry. Leo stood up and stretched his arms in the air. He stumbled as he made his way to the kitchen. He has been sitting for so long one of his legs was sleeping, making it send electric jolting tingles to his brain. When Leo walked through the hallway, on his left, he saw Mikey checking his braces in the mirror. When Leo stopped to greet his brother, Leonardo felt like a comedian about to perform his very first show.

"Hey Mikey!"

There was no response.

Okay Leo don't freak out, he didn't hear you.

"Hey little bro, yo!" Leonardo said, a bit louder. He leaned in and knocked softly at the door.

Mikey blinked in surprise and looked at Leonardo. "Huh? Oh, sup bro" Mikey finally replied, smiling at his older brother.

"So uuhh..what's for lunch? Are you cooking or will dad be cooking?" Leo asked Mikey.

"I'm not sure, I'm actually craving pizza, to be honest." Mikey said.

"We got to be careful bro." Leo interjected. We got grounded last time because we messed up the curfew. If we want to get pizza again, we're gonna have to obey dad's rules to earn it. Just Like last time. I don't mind hanging out, but it would be nice not to disobey dad again." Leo said firmly.

"Argh, c'mon bro don't be like that!" Mikey exhaled exasperated from his nostrils. "Dad is nocturnal, so he wont notice if we are quiet. Its no biggie!"

Leo winced a bit at Mikeys reaction. Here we go.

"Nah ah, ah Mikey, we've talked about this. Leo replied, waving his finger in the air." You know dad, he wont let us get pizza just yet after being , we risk our lives to steal stuff we need to live down here. We got food at home! "

Mikey stepped closer to Leo and leaned in so only he could hear him. Interestingly, Mikey, despite being the youngest, hit puberty before all of them, and has the deepest voice. Life isn't fair. He was shorter but that didn't stop him from looking straight in the eye of the older turtle.

"Bro listen, you can't always live up to dads' rules man. You're a teenager, you can make your own decisions!"

Before Leo could say something, a loud roar came from the other side of the lair. Suddenly, Leo felt the anxiety stab him like a sharp icicle into his chest, as he saw Mikey's face go from irritated to happy, upon hearing Mr popular Raphael and Donnies loud laughter. looking Like a wild captivated animal that saw wildlife for the first time, Mikey made his way through the keeping room, entering the dining room where Donnie and Raph were sitting. Leo waited for a bit. However, when he heard his second baby brother Donnie excited pubescent squeaks and laughter, he decided join them, where all the commotion came from.

Not wanting to look desperate, Leo entered the kitchen nearby and pretended to do anything; wash the dishes or organize the utensils, like forks, spoons, anything, just in case his brothers ignore him. Like that, he has a reason to just slip away at any moment. Leo kept an eye on them, waiting for a moment to speak up.

"Yoo wassup dudes? What's going on huh guys?"

Mikey happily asked between giggles.

Damn you Mikey! Leo thought. That should have been his line, his chance to speak up and shine for once. But this stupid anxiety always slows him down, with his hyperactive brothers always stealing his moments. Raph and Donnie were sitting at the table across from each other, in a position as if they are ready to run off. On the table, lay a bag of bacon-flavored popcorn.

"Raph and I are deciding who gets to eat the last bit of the Bacon flavored popcorn!"

Donnie explained, his voice sounding strained like hes trying to hold back laughter.

"We are playing rock paper scissors, but hes making stupid sounds on purpose to distract meeee!" Donnie added, sticking his tongue out to Raph, playfully mocking him.

Raph had his right arm out with the "paper" hand sign pointing at his little brother, while Donnie mirrored his older brother, making it a tie.

Raph burst laughter as he continued to impersonate Goofy's voice, while Donnie impersonated Mickey Mouse. That was easy, with that little voice of his he could easily fit that role.

"You're not going to get away with this fool, those bacon flavor popcorn are mine," Donnie said, he was impersonating Mickey mouse so well, it almost sounded authentic.

"GHYAH ,GHYAH, NOT A CHANCE NERD, HAYUCK!" Raph said, and he reached out to tickle Donnie.

The purple clad turtle made a run for it and screeched like a piglet. He ran as fast as he can while Raph chased his little brother around the table. His older brother was fast enough to catch his little brother.

"Come here you!" Raph scooped Donnie up like a toddler and raised him in the air. Being a gym rat he is, Raph was strong enough to lift his brothers. Not all at once just yet.

"NOOO ! AHAHAH HAHAHA! DAD! DADDY! Wahhaha! HELP!" Donnie shouted between laughs.

At that moment, Splinter walked in, shook his head at the scene. He smiled warmly.

"Put me down!" Donnie squeaked. Raph loves hearing his adorable little voice, but he finally put him down.

"Boys, remember... Splinter said calmly. "Not too many snacks before dinner."

"Yeah dad!" Mikey, Raph and Donnie all responded in unison. Splinter made his way to affectionately pet all three of his sons on their heads.

While the brothers were spending time together in pure harmony, Leo felt another wave of anxiety filling his gut. Leo remained in the kitchen behind the counter, still pretending to be busy. There was another chair available, but he felt wrong to interrupt his brothers. While Leo was trying to act calm, he still found himself staring at the other three having fun together. Without him.

Leo doesn't understand why he feels like a burden. When Splinter walked in the did the same as he did for the other three, petting his eldest on the head. Yet, his father's affection wasn't enough because Leo was deep into his mind, preoccupied with thoughts. While he was organizing the utensils, Leo continued watching his brothers play, desperately waiting for a moment to join them:

"ROCK PAPER SCISSORS! "ROCK PAPER SCISSORS!" ROCK PAPER SCISSORS!"

"GHAHAHA I GOT CHA! VICTORY! "Raph roared. Raph snatched the bacon popcorn bag from the table.

"Better luck next time Don! Rock beats scissor!" Raph grinned at his little brother as Donnie pouted playfully at him. Raph held the bacon popcorn bag on one hand and poked his little genius brother's on the forehead with his free hand.

"That was fun right bro? " He said, a bit out of breath but happy.

"Yea you bet! hehehe!" Donnie happily agreed.

"Mhere, have shome." Raph said with his mouth full, holding the popcorn bag open so Donnie could grab a few.

"B-but Raph its yours!" Donnie said half amused, half happy.

Raph shrugged. "Sharing is caring!" He told his little bro.

"Aaaaww that's nice of you!".

Raph poured the reddish colored popcorn in Donnie's hand, He shoved all of it his mouth. Donnie flung his arms hand around Raph giving him a hug.

"I'v wuv fwou!" Donnie said with his mouth full.

Raph smiled and chuckled in response.

Heheh, You sappy dork!"

When Donnie let go of the embrace, Raph playfully punched him on Donnies shoulder, his way of showing affection. The three youngest brothers didn't seem to notice Leo observing from afar.

Leo stood there, frozen. He saw the whole thing, and It send shivers down his spine. His palms began to feel sweaty. Raph had to do just that to get this treatment?

On the contrary, Mikey, being the heart, melted at the brotherly love scene and jumped on Raphs back.

Raph, being a natural babysitter, recognized this act and knew what to do. Typical little brother behavior. It's either a bit of jealousy and craving the attention, or also wanting to share bacon flavored popcorn.

"Aw Mikey, want some popcorn too?" Raph reached up with the bag of chips in his hand. It was almost empty, and yet Raph wanted to share with him. Mikey slipped off and plopped on the chair next to Raph, burying his head on his shoulder.

"Hmm…no not hungry but thanks, you won fair and square bro. That's really sweet of you." Mikey said.

Bingo, cuddling it is. Understanding his needy gesture, Raph just let him as he pleased. He grabbed one popcorn chip and pushed it on Mikeys lips, which he didn't hesitate to accept. Raph squeezed his cheek as reassurance for the youngest brother. He knows his brothers look up to him because he's awesome. He knows it and he's proud of it.

"Raph, where is the remote?" Mikey said looking up at Raph.

"Wait, aren't cha cooking lil bro?" Raph asked Mikey.

"Oh snap, forgot." Mikey grabbed some leftover popcorn and stumbled quickly to the kitchen.

"I already had Ramen." Donnie said. "So, I don't need anything."

"Oh, c'mon Don, that's a bite." Mikey said. "I'll make ya something real! Just watch." Mikey said when he looked at Don. Mikey then glanced at Raph for a moment before he happily made his way to the kitchen to start cooking. He didn't need to say anything, just the look said it all.

"You're the best bro" was written all over his face.

That was it.

Leo felt a rope choking around his neck. His nervousness kicked him in his stomach. His feet were sweaty and felt cold on the floor. His brothers don't show him affection in that way, or that often. Leo stood there, just seeing all the commotion happening surrounding Raph, which made him feel like he was drowning in a downward spiral.

Here we go; Raphael is the king of the show once again. It was like Raph was the main character. Raph was like Michael Jackson, and he was Tito. Leo felt his eyes begin to burn again.

WHAT THE HECK? Why do I want to cry?! He blinked to hold back his tears. Not now.

He moved and leaned on the counter, so Mikey would have some more space to cook. He's not going near Raph, just not yet. Don't be anywhere where you feel vulnerable. He prefers to be the loser that went unnoticed.

With nothing else left to organize in the drawer, Leo felt stuck. His eyes darted around in the kitchen. His father was brewing green thee. Splinter looked at his son a bit concerned. Leo saw his father lips moving in the corner of his eyes. But no sound came out. It looked like he said: "Are you all right Leo?"

Leo's legs felt cold, yet they felt sticky and sweaty. Leo turned to the kitchen sink to wash his hands. He made sure not to get in Mikey's way, who was now cutting vegetables. The water was running slowly, making Leo more anxious. Still, Leo hopes Mikey doesn't notice. He glanced at Mikey, who was happily cutting bell peppers while humming a tune. Leo slowly turned to look at his brothers behind him over his shoulders. Only to find himself looking straight at Raph right in the eyes. Raph had a look on his face that said: 'You wot mate?'

SHIT!

Leo turned his head back facing the kitchen sink so fast he sensed a crack in his neck. A chiropractor would be impressed. Way to go. Please don't let him notice. Darn it to hell this anxiety. Leo hates being a teenager. Leo was always the one that had to deal with anger issues from Raph the most. For some reason, he always had this glare he gave him often. It felt like it was directed at Leo all the time. Raph was smart to take it out on solo training, but somehow, yet it felt like he was the reason behind it. Leo wasn't sure why, but it fueled his insecurity. Somehow his mask felt a bit tighter than usual. But there is no time to untie and fix it. It's unsanitary. The kitchen now, self-care later. Leo tried to look for anything else in the drawers to distract himself. When the faucet was finally running faster, he went for the kitchen sink again. Just act natural, I could just let it fill the sink to clean the forks again or just wash my hands.

'…. Hey.'

Leo nearly jumped out of his shell. Like a deer caught in the headlights, he snapped out of his thoughts. Raph was standing right next to him. How, when did he get there!?

He had his usual, aloof, not impressed look his face. Leo was caught…and there is no way to run. What will he do?

To be Continued...