The fairy tale sank and reality was back there. There was school, and there was something else that gave Lela food for thought. It was only few days later when Berti, with quite unusual chivalry, brought Lela a large bar of chocolate and pulled her into a corner of the dark corridor.
"Lel, you must do me a favour!" And quickly continued, "Do you know Eva von Mahlsdorf in your school?"
Lela thought. Yes, she knew her. A tall, ash-blonde girl with long hair and a red beret on.
"Yes, what about that?"
"So, when you see her, say hello from me. Do you want to?"
Lela was ready. That was easy! Eva was in a much higher class than hers; she belonged to the "big ones," but during the break they all played in the school playground, and she saw Eva every day.
"Thank you, Lel. You're nice. And then, you know, you have to pay close attention to the face she makes when you say my brother Bert . . ."
Lela promised. After all, it wasn't difficult, and she was happy to be able to do Bert a favor. She always had a kind of admiration for her older brother; especially since Ali was dead and Berti was no longer such a tormentor. He was light blond and had bright eyes. He had a winning smile, and people quickly became fond of him. The servants and stable boys, the comrades, the relatives loved him. Lela had often heard people say, "Oh, Berti is such a nice child!" And only after a long pause, "Lela too." Lela felt her dark hair, her dark eyes were inferior to her blond brother. She was all the happier to be able now to render him such an apparently important service.
The next day she ran to school far too early out of pure eagerness to carry out her mission. In the first lesson she was inattentive, in the second she missed all the questions. Then finally, finally the break bell rang. Forgetting her ten o'clock bread, she rushed out and positioned herself opposite the entrance from which the children of the other classes came out.
The stream poured past her. She became very dizzy from watching. Then finally, Eva—shaking her blond hair and laughing—oh, how laughing!—came out. To the right and left she held two other girls by the arm. She seemed to be telling them something very funny, because they almost shook with laughter and then huddled to whisper something. Lela suddenly had the feeling that she was terribly ugly. Her face seemed yellow, legs too thin, hanging dress so poor, hands so bony and the black apron terrible. She stood and stood until the break had been over and the playground was empty.
At home, Berti was already waiting for her at the door,
"Have you told her?"
"No, tomorrow!" And she quickly pushed Berti aside. She walked restlessly all day, looking in the mirror and studying her face. No, she certainly wasn't pretty. The hanging dress was hideous. If she could only wear trousers like Berti, then she would feel more comfortable. Sometimes Mum allowed her to do gymnastics in dark blue knickerbockers. Then she felt free and funny. Yes, if she could go to school like that! Then she would just go up to Eva and make a bow and say "mademoiselle" and carry her schoolbag and jump over a fence in front of her or climb a tree and greet her from above, then she would take her dancing and give her flowers. Then it occurred to her, she could do that at least! But as soon as she thought about the completion, there were mountains of obstacles. Where to get them from? She had money, but to run away, buy flowers and then hide them? And would she then have the courage . . .? Everybody would laugh at her! Oh, if they knew they wouldn't laugh.
In one of the long dark corridors, gymnastics equipment had been installed for both children. It was a round pole, hanging freely on two ropes. Manuela was able to grasp the pole well with her hands. Then, with few steps, she set the device in motion and swung herself up. On the flying trapeze she made knee circles, let herself hang with her head down and swing up and down. Then there was a huge audience down there, and she was floating in the circus dome, and all the spotlights illuminated her, and the music continued when she made "the big loop," and there were drum fanfare when she jumped in a high arc in the air, then squatted and with another jump she stood there. Then applause broke out and Manuela-who was of course a man-in a tight white silk leotard, bowed with a smile as if to say: Oh, you're welcome, this is nothing at all!