June 16, 2020.
April was sitting outside, staring into the garden with a cup of tea in her hands, she was taking a sip of her tea and started to think, about her marriage, she didn't wanted it anymore, she wanted to stop fighting for it, she wanted it to be over. The porch door opened and Matthew came walking out.
"Ruby is asleep," Matthew said.
"Good," was all April said.
And nothing more was said, but that was nothing new to April, she and Matthew didn't talk to each other much anymore and were almost together never home together, as if they were avoiding each other, no nothing like that thought April, that's what they were doing, they were avoiding each other.
"Matthew, we need to talk," April said.
"About what?" he asked. He may pretend that he doesn't know, but April can see it in his eyes that he knows what she was going to say to him.
"You know very well, we can't go on like this any longer, Matthew, this is not healthy," April said.
"You mean our marriage?"
"We can't even call this a marriage anymore, we are married, but it doesn't feel like we're," April said.
"I see," Matthew said. "But you felt it before I did, didn't you?"
"Is that really the most important thing right now? We both feel this isn't right," April said.
"When?" He asked.
"8 months after we got married," April confessed.
"And all that time you kept quiet? For over a year?" He asked, the tone his voice changed and he was getting angry.
"I didn't want to hurt you again, that's way I stayed," April said.
"What was it that made you realize?" Matthew asked.
"You called me Karin and it wasn't just once, it happened a few times, you didn't even realize it," April said.
Matthew looked up and sighed. "It hurts, seeing you like that with Ruby and then thinking that it should have been Karin holding her," he said, he wipped the tears away from his eyes and sighed. "And then Harriet."
"What about Harriet? What does she have to do with this?" April asked.
"I care about her, she is super sweet, but I've to deal with Jackson and I hate that, I'm reminded of the day you left me for him, and he will always be a part of you," Matthew said.
"You knew when you married me that Jackson will always be a part of my life, he is and always will be her father, that's something that's not going to change," April said.
"Are you regretting it?" Matthew asked.
"You mean marrying you?"
Matthew nodded his head. "Do you regret?
"Yes, I regret it," April said, without any hesitation
"So you don't love me?" Matthew asked.
"I did my best to try to love you, but that's not something I should try, you can't try to love someone, you either do or you don't," April said. And I know you tried not to hate me, you did try, but you hate me."
"I tried so hard not to hate you and I don't hate you completely, but when I see you I'm reminded of the worst days of my life and for that I hate you," Matthew said.
"We have to end this, we have to stop... we have to get a divorce," April said.
"I will contact a lawyer tomorrow," Matthew said.
"I'll sleep on the couch tonight," April said.
Matthew said nothing more, nodded his head and walked back into the house. April sat back down and sighed and was glad Harriet was with Jackson this week.
For the next two weeks Matthew and April were busy arranging their divorce, now with COVID they could not go to the lawyer's office and had to talk to her by video call, which of course had to be done carefully so that Harriet would not find out and April thought to herself that Ruby is still too small to understand.
A month later it was over and April and Matthew were officially divorced. But because of the lockdown they had nowhere to go, so they were still in the same house, but no longer as husband and wife. At first they still slept in the same bed and had built a sort of pillow fort between themselves, but that was still too uncomfortable for both of them, so they decided to take turns sleeping on the couch and then getting up in time for Harriet or Ruby to come into the living room and find one of them.
3 months after the divorce and it was November, Matthew had gotten a call that his sister had gotten sick and she lives in Philadelphia and a few days later Matthew had packed two bags one for himself and the other for Ruby and they went to Philadelphia together. The last time that April had heard from Matthew was when he had said that he and Ruby had arrived safely at his sister's house
January 2, 2021:
Harriet was with Jackson and April sitting in her living room watching some TV, but she wasn't really paying attention to what was happening. Her phone rang, she grabbed her phone and saw that Arizona caller id and that it was a video call. April held the phone by her face and answered.
"Happy new year April."
"Happy new year Arizona."
"Sorry I'm just calling you now, but it was a busy day at our place yesterday," Arizona said.
"It's okay," April said.
"So did you and Matthew do anything fun?" Arizona asked.
"Matthew and I are divorced," April said.
Arizona's face froze. What? When? How? Tell."
"A few months ago, we found out that what we were doing was wrong and that our marriage was going nowhere," April said.
"Oh, April," Arizona said, feeling bad for her best friend.
"And you know what, it wasn't meant to be, me and Matthew, I mean we got married four months after his wife died, we're just doomed," April said.
"It's been proven that widowers marry again quickly, so itsn't uncommon," Arizona said.
"But then to marry the woman who left you at the altar, it didn't make sense that he married me," April said. "The way me and Matthew got back together and then married, it's like a badly written episode of some long running soap opera, because that's what it feels like."
"You regret it?" Arizona asked.
"Yes, it was a big mistake, if I could go back in time, I won't do it again, I will say to myself it is not love, we had a trauma marriage, I have never been in love with Matthew," April said.
"Then why did you say yes when he asked you to marry him?" Arizona asked.
"Honestly? I think to get rid of my guilt, I was trying to do the right thing, you know," April said.
"I think I get it, April, can I be honest with you? I thought when you and Matthew got back together was a bad idea from the moment you told me," Arizona admitted.
"And then why didn't you say anything?" April asked.
"Because... because you were recovering from your depression... and talking about that I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I was a bad friend, but deep down I could never get behind you and Matthew," Arizona told her.
"So you just pretended to be happy when me and Matthew were getting married?" April asked.
"Yeah," Arizona said. "Maybe in my head I hoped a bit that it could be like me and Callie, have real new chance."
"But the biggest difference is that you guys never stopped loving each other, you two were really in love," April said.
"And I know you care about Matthew, but you said yourself you never loved him, not even the first time," Arizona said, April nodded her head in agreement. "Does, Jackson know?"
"No, and he's not going to find out either, at least not yet, And you're not going to tell him either, promise me that," Arizona.
"I promise," Arizona said. "But why can't he know?"
Arizona brought up a good point, why can't he know? Maybe for April it had something to do with pride, that maybe just like Arizona that Jackson always thought that her and Matthew were a bad idea.
April shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know."
"And what about Harriet, isn't she wondering what's going on?" Arizona asked.
"I told her that Matthew went to see his sister with Ruby because his sister is sick and that's not a lie, I just left out the part about us not being together anymore, plus I think she has been used to it even before Matthew left, because he and I both started working longer to avoid being here together," April said.
"And what are you going to do now?" Arizona asked.
"I don't know yet, with what's going on in the world right now, this seems so small and unimportant," April said.
But it's not, April, you're allowed to feel something about this, Arizona said.
"I don't even know how to feel," April said.
"Hey, are we far away from each other, I'm here for it, so if there's anything, feel free to call," Arizona said.
"Thank you."
April and Arizona stayed on the phone for another hour or so, chatting. After her conversation with Arizona, April felt a little better, she was especially happy that she could finally talk to someone about this and that her best friend was still there for her.
5 days later, April was sitting in front of the TV eating a simple meal, she heard her phone buzz, she looked at her phone and it was a message from Matthew. April sighed deeply and opened the message. The message said that his sister was doing better and that he had decided to stay in Philadelphia with Ruby and thus would not be returning to Seattle. April put her phone away and watched the TV again. It's for the best, April thought to herself, maybe that's what Matthew needs a fresh start and if he has to make it there in Philadelphia April was happy for him. April looked down finger, at her ring and she took it off. She walked over the the book closet and opend the drawer, she took out a small box and put her ring in it.
May 6, 2021:
Heavy rain poured over Seattle, April tried to clean up a bit, normally April kept her house tidy, but now with her daughter sick she didn't have time for that. Harriet began to cry, April walked toward her room.
"What is it Ladybug?" April asked.
"Mommy," Harriet said.
"Come here."
April held Harriet out of bed and felt her forehead and it was why. April walked with Harriet towards the living room, she put Harriet down next to her on the couch and turned on the TV.
Half an hour later and the doorbell rang, April turned off the TV, picked Harriet up and walked towards the door, she opened the door and there stood Jackson outside of her house and she had now idea why he was here.