A/N Jessica's my depressed engine OC. She was abused as a baby engine and it left with a milder depression. Severe depression affects emotional expression, but milder depression has the frequent crying spells. I have a book with a depressed character in it, so I based Jessica slightly on her. Maggie, the book character wails, so Jessica does too. There's also something I saw about being suicidal and crying. If someone's suicidal because they can't find a reason to live, that's the only time they cry, which is how Jessica is.
Hey, it's me, Jessica. Because I'm new to Sodor, my crew, who used to drive and work with another engine, Rebecca, wanted me to tell my story. I'm a garter blue tender engine from what Thomas, the lead engine on my new railway said they call the Mainland here. I was built, tested and then met my crew before I worked on my first home railway. I began life as a quiet, intuitive, sensitive and insightful type, an idealist and daydreamer. My first fireman was kind, but my driver was cruel and abusive, hurting me and that made me depressed. My quiet, intuitive, sensitive and insightful traits have remained, but I stopped being able to feel anything besides so sad and worthless, so I started often saying, things "Scrap me. I'm useless and worthless, so I've got no reason to live. Just scrap me." and then wailing. The first time in my life I cried was the first time my first driver was abusive and hurt me. *** Jessica wails with her current driver drying her tears with a cloth. *** I just ran out of tears, so I shall go on telling my story. I asked, "Why have I got watery eyes?" and my fireman said "There, there, Jessica. You're crying, because you've got emotion. Cry it out. I know he hurt you.", as he pulled out a cotton hanky and dried my tears, though Driver said, "Cry-engine! I don't need your drama! Calm down!", as my fireman rubbed my sodden cheeks and wiped my eyes. I just cried more, so Driver said, "I told you to calm down, Jessica the cry-engine!" and my fireman said, " I'm here for you, so go ahead and let it all out. I shall wipe away the tears from your eyes. I don't want you rusting, Jessica, so I'm here to wipe your eyes. You can depend on my support and comfort until you feel better.", as he mopped my tears. He was there to wipe all my tears away as best he could as they fell like rain. When I was finished with my cry, he wiped my cheeks of any stray tears and dried my eyes. He went back to the cab with his sodden handkerchief, drippy wet from my weeping.
"Jessica," my fireman said, "I shall get some cotton rags, as you need a cloth reserved for your tears. The second one will be a spare. I let you cry into my spare hanky because it's what I had. Given your driver's treatment of you, I've got to be your comforter.", as I had a drink.
My first driver was a fireman for an engine that was scrapped, but he was getting old to shovel coal, so he became a driver. I found out he hated female engines, which is why he abused me. I got to the point of wailing all the time I wasn't doing jobs and Driver was around or even woke up crying and wailing, if I had a nightmare about Driver's abuse. My second driver was nicer, having some cotton waffle cloth for me to wail into.
When my first driver was about to retire, "I'm the most worthless engine ever, so I've got no reason to live now that I've got no one to drive me. Just scrap me", then had a crying spell. But I discovered I had a second driver coming. I told him, "I cry dreadfully, like a dam burst. When I cry, I frequently can't stop.", when I met him.
Driver the 2nd, the first time I wailed around him, pulled out piece of cotton waffle cloth and said, drying my tears "There, there Jessica. I know you've never known a comforting driver, but I'm a caring and affectionate type. You've got my support in your pain. I want you to cry whenever you feel like, if it's a time you're able to." He tuned into me, listening attentively to pick up on my values and cues, as I gave my constant wailing sobs and sniffles and he rubbed my sodden cheeks and wiped the tears from my eyes.
I cried more, great wails to the point I couldn't even breathe properly. I sniffled again, hard, coughed as I choked on my tears and hiccupped. I gasped and gulped, shaking as I wept nonstop, unable to see and speak as he did his best to comfort me.
He said, as he continued to wipe my tears away, "I'm a sensitive soul, not afraid or ashamed to cry and when I've got emotion, I need to express it. No judgment from me, just care and compassion. I'm not here to fix your mood, just to wipe your eyes. Just let it all out and I shall dry your eyes.". He pressed the cloth to my eyes and wiped all my tears away as best he could.
I wailed, until I had no more tears to cry. Driver dried my last tears away, wiping my cheeks and eyes dry of tears, then went back to my cab with that tear-soaked cloth. My crew gave me a drink.
My first railway dieselized and I went to a heritage railway. My crew went with me, as they didn't want to drive a diesel. I wailed about my fellow steam engines being scrapped, with my crew comforting me whenever I wailed with them on duty. The last time I ran the heritage railway, I sneezed. I got dreadfully stuffed up and sneezed my ashes all over at the station after a train. ACHOO-SHOO! I tried not to sneeze, but I was completely stuffed up and had to. "I'm such a useless engine, so just scrap me," I said, then began to cry, wailing loudly and Driver comforted me. I told my crew, after I had no more tears left to shed, "I don't feel bunged up anymore, just worn.". I was examined, then told I needed an overhaul, which the railway couldn't afford. However, they said they could sell me and fix up a derelict engine that had just arrived. My crew decided they could stay on the heritage railway and be that derelict engine's crew, so when I was sold to NWR, my controller during my heritage railway years traveled with me, taking my cotton waffle comfort cloth to give to my Sodor driver.
Though I arrived here on Sodor without water, some mean diesels bothered me on arrival and I dry-cried, great wails until I lacked the energy to wail anymore. My new crew, inherited from Rebecca, the engine I'm replacing due to her having a fatal accident, comforted me. In addition to the diesels, there was a little blue steam engine, Thomas. Though rather smaller compared to me, he's a large tank engine, an E2. He pressed my buffers with his and gave me a cheeky smile, seemingly to cheer me up and also part glad to have another steam engine here, black eyes twinkling. Then, he shunted me to the Steamworks for my overhaul. He told me I've got to be a Really Useful Engine.
"I'm a Really Useless Engine, so I've got no reason to live," I said, looking at him with my large, dark, soulful eyes, black as his own when we got to the Steamworks. I dry-wailed and Driver comforted me, as my new crew rode along, so the workmen could know they were my crew and to maybe get to know me some. I told them, "I'd have huge tears pouring my eyes, if I had water, so you'd have to wipe my pain away with that cotton waffle my controller from the heritage railway had."
Driver said, "Your old controller told me your first driver was abusive, so you're depressed."
I said, "I haven't felt anything except so sad and worthless since my abuse."
I'm overhauled now, so my life on Sodor's truly begun. Unsympathetic engines have called me, "Jessica, the biggest cry-engine on the railway, but more sympathetic ones have said, "I'm your buffers to cry on." and the like. I froze when I was being abused, but cried my eyes out afterward and if I've been bullied when not crying already.
A/N Jessica, because she was a baby engine when abused, is something like an abused child, as she has low self-esteem and bursts into tears over almost anything, wailing all her tears out when she's weepy. I have a baby-sitting book that says abused children's behavior includes poor self-esteem, seeming very sad and crying a lot.