The time until winter break started went by quick. McGonagall took down the names of the people leaving for break, which was our whole group, and then a week or two later we boarded the train and headed back to London. I debated skipping it and sleeping in, but teleporting seemed like something that would draw attention because people would notice I wasn't on the train.

"I can't wait to get home for Christmas!" Squealed Tracey happily. "The holidays are always so much fun. What about you lot? Any big plans?"

I chuckled at her enthusiasm. "That's the cheeriest I've seen you. Suzie and I are going to spend Christmas with my mom, and I'm planning to attend a dinner at Daphne's on the twenty third." I glanced over at my other friends. "How about you guys. What do you brits do for Christmas?"

"We burn George Washington in effigy." Said Blaise seriously. "And plot our eventual reconquest of your heathen colonies. Just you wait, our ships will be coming over the horizon any day now."

Grinning, I flipped him off. "Bitch please, the religion thing was just a pretext. The revolutionary war started because we dumped a bunch of tea in a harbor and you all couldn't let it slide. Am I to take it that means you don't have any Christmas plans and are too embarrassed to talk about it?"

Huffing out a laugh, he slumped back against the train seat. "My mother always spends Christmas with me. Usually with her newest conquest. It's often not too bad, they're so enthralled they ignore me except to throw expensive gifts at me to keep me out of the way. There are worse ways to spend time."

I debated making a crack about wanting to throw his mom an expensive gift of my own, but both my girlfriends were around, so it seemed like poor timing. I moved onto Theo. "What about you? Any special Christmas plans?"

He shrugged. "The Ministry Yule Ball because I have to go. Other than that just time at home with the family." He flushed a bit, shooting a glance sideways. "I invited Hannah over. She's going to have dinner at my place. My mum has been practically glowing according to my father. It's the first time I've brought a girl home for a holiday."

Hannah gave him an encouraging smile. "I can't wait to meet them, I was worried they might not like me because I'm a half-blood."

"Ok." I said in confusion. "Am I the only one who thinks that's pretty fast. You guys have been dating like…what? A month or two." I paused. "Ignore me bringing home Susan, it's much less formal. Although I am having dinner at Daphne's…why the hell do wizards move so fast?"

Hannah shrugged. "Courting is considered a prelude to marriage in the wizarding world. If you like someone enough to commit, it's the next best thing to me if I hadn't grown up mostly in the wizarding world myself I'd probably be totally mystified. But it's a cultural thing."

I just glanced around in confusion. "And none of you are…freaked out by that." I glanced at my girls. "I mean no offense but that's crazy."

Daphne snorted. "Oh, why would we take offense to that? But no not really. Ryan, you need to understand that MOST people our age in our circles have marriage contracts from the time they can walk. We happen to be exceptions, mostly because the people in our group are either half blood or exceptionally powerful to the point where it isn't necessary, but among pureblood children it's the norm."

"It's true." Nodded Susan. "If Auntie wasn't so high up in the ministry, after what happened to my parents, I'd have had a contract. She has the pull to right the ship, so to speak, but if she hadn't a marriage contract with a powerful house would have provided another possible avenue of saving the family."

I had to admit, it just seemed weird to me. I liked Daphne and Susan, but I wasn't getting engaged at eighteen. It was a stark reminder that Disney movies aside, even Hannah and Tracey weren't REALLY muggles. They had the weird worldview same as the rest of them.

Of course, I was also planning to turn my girls into devils, effectively binding them to my side for ten thousand years, so maybe I shouldn't throw stones about jumping into things too quickly.

Deciding that we were unlikely to bridge a dissonance between entire cultures after a few minutes of chatting, I changed the subject. "By the way, you guys hear from the twins?" I'd put them in touch when Daphne and I started our curse hunt. I couldn't afford to spend my time hunting around the school, but the others had agreed to pick up the slack. Especially Suzie.

My redhead sighed. "I did. There haven't been any more incidents in the castle. They don't have the resources to patrol the forbidden forest, so they're kind of at a dead end. They've signed on to stay at Hogwarts over the break to keep an eye out."

"Not likely." Snorted Tracey. "They're probably keeping an eye on Potter and his hangers on. Their brother has been spending a lot of time with him and that swot Granger. He's bound do get in trouble. They're up to something."

I shared a glance with Daphne. They WERE up to something, and I should probably look into it at some point. I'd just been so damned busy. Suzie chimed in, frowning at Tracey. "That's not very nice, Trace. Hermione isn't so bad. She's just a little awkward around people. She's a very intelligent girl."

Daphne snorted. "Oh we know. Everyone knows. I think if she could afford it she would hire someone to write it in flames above the castle, just to make sure no one missed it. I have to say, I prefer Moon if I have to deal with a know it all. Sure her, mountainous udders are unsightly, but at least she's tolerable. I think all of Granger's social skills were consumed by her disgusting flabby arse."

"Yes dear." I said with an eyeroll. "We know you dislike her. There's no need to be nasty."

She sneered. "Nasty? Nasty is those hot air balloons under her skirt. I'm surprised she doesn't ricochet into the ceiling when she sits down."

Tracey couldn't help but snicker. "Don't listen to Daphne. She's got an inferiority complex because Stori has about four cup sizes on her. It's a complete wonder that girl has any self esteem at all with Daph's constant vitriol towards anyone bustier than she is."

That…explained a lot. I wondered when she added fat bottomed girls to her hate list. She seemed offended by the insinuation though. "I would NEVER make my sister feel bad about her unnecessarily large breasts. She's beautiful just the way she is. There are exceptions to every rule."

The looks on everyone's faces seemed torn between amusement and contempt. "Anyway. I suppose I'll see all this for myself when I come for dinner." I froze as Daphne spun to glare at me, realizing how that sounded. "I meant your interaction, not your sister's breasts." I paused thoughtfully. "Though if they're as big as Tracey says I imagine I'll see those too, if covered by clothes."

Daphne kicked me in the knee, and I allowed it because I kind of deserved it after that comment. It didn't hurt anyway. Susan pouted at me. "You aren't really going to ogle Daphne's poor sister are you? She's ill Ryan, that seems a bit rude."

"So he could ogle her if she WASN'T ill?" Demanded Daphne. "Don't ogle my sister at all. She's a delicate girl. Imagining you brutalizing her with that club in your pants fills me with dread. She'd never survive."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Honey. I love how much you talk up my dick size, but can you please stop insinuating that sex with me involves potentially lethal internal injuries?"

"That depends." She said acidly. "Can you find a way to put my kidneys back where they belong?" She paused. "Actually don't, I wouldn't be able to accommodate you anymore." She smirked at me wickedly. "I suppose a little organ rearrangement is an acceptable price to pay to keep you happy."

Tracey snickered at that. "Judging by the giant smile on your face for the days after you got back from your little trip, he keeps you plenty happy too."

Daphne sniffed. "A proper well bred lady does not wax on about intimate matters. Ryan is given plenty of incentive during our lovemaking. If I didn't deflate his ego once in a while he would be insufferable about it. He knows I find him more than satisfactory in the bedroom." She glanced at Suzie with a wince. "That said…you may want to learn a lubricant spell. Jokes aside, the first time is…intense."

That got a blush as red as her hair from my cinnamon roll. "I'm sure that when Ryan and I…take things to the next level. I'll be more than prepared. We can take things slow."

"You know." Tracey said musingly. "If you weren't my best friend's guy I'd be tempted to take a ride and see what the fuss is about. Sadly for you, I have a code, and as such Daphne's man is off limits." She shot Susan a considering look. "I wouldn't say no to a pensieve memory about your first time for Christmas, if you're so inclined."

"Tracey!" Squeaked Suzie in horror. "That's PRIVATE. I can't believe you would ask something like that."

"So, is everyone getting presents for everyone else?" I asked, desperate to get the topic off my sex life. "Because I've been shopping around, and I'm pretty sure I got all of you the best possible gifts. You might want to tie on your little british socks, because I'm about to blow them off. Also Daph I need to borrow your owl to send presents."

I didn't have my own, being fine using the school owls, so during the break I was kind of screwed. She rolled her eyes but didn't disagree.

Blaise snorted. "I'm looking forward to seeing what you got me. I wasn't able to think of what you might want." I opened my mouth and he cut me off. "Other than some lewd item or other pertaining to my mother." He glanced at Daphne. "Shouldn't you be all bitter and jealous about his constant jokes about my mother?"

She shrugged. "It seems unlikely it'll come to anything, but she's not exactly around us most of the time. It seems better to focus on girls who are an actual threat to me." Glancing at Suzie, she sighed. "A threat to US I suppose." I knew she was planning to team up with my redhead to keep in charge of any girls who entered my peerage in the future.

Now that I thought about it, Tanith hadn't seemed to bother her much either. I guessed older women just didn't seem like a threat to her position? Or maybe she had a milf fetish because of her mommy issues, it wasn't worth bringing up since she'd never admit it anyway. Might as well just ignore it.

We talked for hours, catching up with friends, spending time together, playing games (exploding snap and wizard's chess) ordering a shitload of wizard candy off the trolley, and just generally enjoying ourselves, until we arrived at King's Cross station.

We all said our goodbyes, and promised to meet up over the break if time allowed, then Suzie and I headed for the main terminal where my mom was waiting to pick us up. She gave a delighted wave when she saw us, and then swept me and Suzie up into individual tight hugs, gushing about meeting my girlfriend. Well, at least that part of the break was going well.

December 6th, 2010. London, England 8:00 PM BST

It was already dark by the time the Hogwarts Express pulled in. We hugged everyone goodbye, promised to owl, and then headed off in different directions to meet our respective families. I had a tough time finding my mom through the throng of people, and they were shoving and pushing so hard I had to hide Suzie behind me until I spotted her.

Instead of her though, my eyes met a familiar pair of currently blue (colored contacts) eyes and a wide closed lip smile. Seras stood beaming at me, holding up a big sign with 'Ryan Black' printed across it in expertly penned letters. Next to her I spotted my mother, waving excitedly at me.

"My BABY!" She squealed, diving for me as soon as I came within reach. She grabbed me tight and squeezed me so hard I was pretty sure it would have killed a human. "You're back! I've missed you so much."

Chuckling, I hugged her back. We didn't get any looks, everyone was excited to see loved ones. Still, I had to point out. "You saw me pretty recently. I came home a few months ago."

She snorted. "Please. That doesn't count. This is the official welcome back from Hogwarts celebration. Your last visit was just family business." She turned to beam at Suzie. "And this must be Susan. She's just as adorable as you described." She squealed and grabbed my redhead in a tight hug. "Oh, look at you, I could just eat you up with a spoon."

I turned to Seras, ignoring Suzie's dazed expression. "Hey there." I said with a grin. "I believe the proper protocol is to give hugs." I spread my arms and she bolted forward, slamming into my so hard my ribs creaked and squeezing me tight. I patted her head with a chuckle. "Good to see you too Seras."

After a second of no response I tensed a bit, waiting for her to do something, but she just nuzzled into my neck. I sighed. "Seras. You really need to back up. You can't bite me here. Haven't you been eating the vials I left you?"

She backed up in a flash, face embarrassed. "Oh! Sorry. It's just…hot. Mostly I drink it room temperature or cold. Not…it's not fresh. It's so much better fresh."

"You drink it cold?" I asked, giving her a disbelieving look. "Like…you tried chilling it? What, did you and my mom make Bloody Mary's or something?" I couldn't even think of what circumstances she would be drinking blood cold.

Coughing slightly, she looked away. "What? No, definitely not." Her voice dropped as she muttered in what I'm sure was meant to be a voice too low to hear. "I made a blood smoothie."

I burst out laughing and she glared at me. "Sorry." I choked back. "I didn't mean to laugh. It's just…such a weird thing to do." My face lit up as I remembered something, rifling through my pockets as I held up a bag. "Here, I got you something that might help. They're not ME flavored so I doubt they're quite as good, but I thought you might like these."

Sadly we were interrupted as my mom's interrogation of my girlfriend (admittedly incredibly friendly and good natured, but still an interrogation) ended. Tossing her the bag, I gestured for her to put them away as Suzie and my mom returned their attention to us.

"Why don't we talk at home." My mom said kindly, noticing Seras's awkwardness once Susan joined us. "At least after you two girls say hi." She glared at me. "Since SOMEONE didn't bother to make introductions."

Ever the cinnamon roll, my girlfriend noticed the uncomfortable expression and gave the blonde vampire a big friendly smile. "Hi there! Ryan told me he wanted to introduce me to a friend of his. I'm Susan Bones." She held out a hand shyly. "I really hope we can be friends. I don't know too much about the muggle world and I could use some help."

Being angry at Suzie was like kicking a puppy on its birthday, and Seras couldn't even come close. Even Daphne couldn't really dislike Suzie back when they were temporarily fighting. The busty vampire blonde smiled back at her gently. "That sounds like it'd be nice." She said, taking the hand and shaking it.

We headed back to the car, piling in and pulling out of King's Cross. "So." I said as we pulled into traffic. "How have things been at home? Seras, have you been comfortable at the house?"

My mom beamed. "Of course she has. Having her around has been such a blessing. We've been learning potions, a bit of basic wandwork drilling, some duelling forms. Seras is a wonderful guest, she's always happy to spend time with me."

If vampires could blush, Seras would be. "I haven't done anything much. You took me in and gave me a place to stay. If anyone should be grateful it's me."

"Ryan told me a bit about your situation." Susan said sadly. "I know a bit how you feel. My parents were killed when I was very young. I can't imagine how much worse it must be having so many more memories, but if you ever need to talk I'm happy to listen." She put a hand on Seras's as I looked back at them through the rearview mirror.

The vampire swallowed hard, eyes blinking rapidly like she was trying not to cry. "That's…very sweet of you." She said thickly. "I might take you up on it sometime. This will be my first Christmas without them and I…"

My mom cleared her throat. "Well that aside, I'm happy to have you with us over Christmas." She shot Seras a soft smile. "I'm always stuck with just Ryan, and while I love my son, some traditions are better shared with more people. We don't even normally have Christmas dinner. We just go out to a steakhouse. This year will be a big affair though. Andromeda, her husband, and Tonks will be coming over to ours. Daisy has been beside herself with the shopping."

"Oh, shopping!" Said Suzie excitedly. "We can go into muggle London and look for some clothes. We'll have to go at night, or in the evening, but I'm sure some places will be open."

I shrugged. "If not we can pay someone to open for you guys." I glanced at my mom. "We convert anything of those galleons to pounds? Or should I make a trip to Gringotts. We haven't even dipped into the actual inheritance, I'm still spending all the money I scammed out of the Malfoys and that should last us quite a while."

"I know." She chuckled. "That's part of why I haven't said anything about all the spending. It's not really a huge deal, so I figured I'd let you get it out of your system. If you run out of that too fast you might want to put a freeze on things, but at this rate it'll last you years, and frankly I want to rub it in Narcissa's pointy face."

I snickered at that. "My mother ladies and gentlemen, the family woman. If I'd known you were so vindictive I'd have been giving Draco a harder time."

Suzie, to my surprise, giggled at that. "Honestly I think NOT giving him a hard time is the worst thing you could have done to him. You just swagger around, ignoring his existence and spending time with the fittest girl in first year. You should see the hate on his face when he looks at you."

"You know." I said with a smirk as I glance back over my seat. "While Daphne is stunning, there ARE other girls that give her a run for her money. There's this little cutie in Hufflepuff I've had my eye on. She has the most gorgeous red hair."

My mom snorted. "Don't let him sweet talk you Susan. My son has many fine qualities, but his constant need to flirt isn't one of them."

"Hey!" I said, my tone hurt. "I'll have you know dating two girls is already plenty exhausting. I don't flirt anymore. I'm a two woman man." I gave Suzie a pleading look. "Tell her, tell her that I'm faithful and true."

She gave me a sweet smile. "Of course you are honey. Because Daphne didn't say anything about that blonde girl with leather pants on your little trip. Or the busty redhead. And no one has mentioned you having breakfast with Lily Moon a few weeks ago." She winked at me. "As long as you make time for Daphne and I there's no reason for me to fuss."

Suzie knew that at least part of my peerage was probably going to be women I'd end up sleeping with, and she'd made peace with that. Of course she was determined to be in CHARGE of those women, or at least to help Daphne with wrangling them if possible. She shot a look back at Seras, who was snickering at my misfortune, unaware that Suzie had plans for her. My little cinnamon roll wanted to get Seras on her side before I reincarnated her, which I suspected was the disney princess version of establishing the pecking order.

"Oh!' Said my mom suddenly. "Right, I forgot you got a call." She reached down into the car console with one hand, rooting around before passing me my phone. I'd left her the one I'd bought when I was back for my last visit, since Hogwarts tended to fry them apparently. "I didn't check the message, but that damned indicator light has been flashing non stop.

Nodding my thanks, I took it from her, tapping the screen to see one missed call and a message. Unlocking the screen I hit the voicemail icon. There was a slight delay and then a familiar voice came on the line. "Like, Ryan, man. We had a bit of a clue on the next you know what. We're in London still for right now, I know you said it might take you a bit to get back to us. Give us a call."

The message ended and I checked the date. It had been a few days. I slipped the phone into my pocket. Seras raised an eyebrow. "Not calling him back? Sounded a bit urgent, didn't it?"

"Nope." I said, popping the P. "I'm home for Christmas, I'm at least going to get settled in, drop off my bags, all that. They waited for us a few days they can wait another night. I want to get everyone settled at home, maybe have some dinner or something. There's no rush." I wanted to be well rested and prepared before we got into a new mess with a ghost anyway.

I considered reincarnating Seras right away, but I decided to wait. I was with her and could feed her directly, and I wanted to see how she did on this ghost hunt. I wasn't sure a single Pawn would be enough for her, but as a Vampire she was strong and fast, so I was leaning toward a Rook either way. Before I committed such a powerful piece I wanted to see how she did in a crisis.

As a former cop I was pretty sure she had the kind of nerve I was looking for, but no reason to jump the gun there. For now, I just wanted to enjoy Christmas at home with friends and family. Suzie was practically glowing with happiness, Seras seemed thrilled to have people around, and my mom was ecstatic I was here.

Once that settled down I'd give Shaggy a call and find out where exactly this lead would be leading us. Based on the last ghost we were going to be in for some crazy shit, but there was still the chance it would be the one we needed, so we had to go. I hoped I could find the answer to Daphne's problem soon though. Who knew how much time Astoria really had left?

December 7th, 2010. London, England 6:00 PM BST

Because we were bringing Seras, we scheduled the meeting with Shaggy, Scooby, and DB for the next night. Early evening, but after sundown so my vampire wouldn't come down with terminal sunburn. That gave me the whole day to spend with my mom and the girls, and Suzie was over the moon about the quality time.

By the time the meeting rolled around, she and Seras had already more than bonded, and my crimson haired cinnamon roll officially had our Vampire wrapped around her little finger. Seras was being dragged around by the hand, a pageboy cap on her head as Suzie went on enthusiastically about how much she loved muggle London.

"It's so beautiful here!" She squealed in excitement as she stared around us at the restaurants and stores."Hannah's taken me a few places in the muggle world, but nowhere busy like this!" She bounced happily as she tried to head into a nearby store. "Oh, this place looks fun!"

Seras chuckled at the enthusiasm. "We can visit later, we're supposed to be meeting Ryan's friends for dinner, remember?"

Speaking of which, I spotted DB waving from across the street. "Found them!" I said loudly, getting their attention. "Come on, follow me." I grabbed Suzie's other arm, and between Seras and I we practically dragged her with us.

When I arrived, I was surprised to see that Shaggy, Scooby, and DB weren't alone. Tanith was sitting at the table with them, and she waved as I approached. "Tanith?" I said with a grin. "I thought you were in Ireland?"

Rolling her eyes, she grumped. "I WAS. Until your lanky boxy boy here called me down to London for an emergency that turned out to be the fact that he wanted me to introduce him to some people in Ireland. I do NOT appreciate having to come all the way back here just to make my way there again!"

Shaggy looked guilty. "Like…sorry, man. I just realized the next ghost was in ireland, but I don't know my way around there. You said you know people in Ireland so I figured I'd like, give you a call."

"It's fine." I cut in with a laugh. "I can just teleport us there. You mentioned something about a Sanctuary? If I'm being honest I have no clue what that is, so maybe you could fill us in? Some sort of safe zone?" Suzie and Seras sat down with DB and started chatting, waiting for a waiter to come and take our order at the open air patio table, as I sat down across from Tanith. I nodded to them. "That's Seras by the way. She's in the know and has her own powers, so don't worry about her."

Tanith sighed. "Oh good. Last thing I wanted was mortals along." She glanced at Shaggy with a grimace. "Er, no offense. I just prefer people with some firepower as backup when I can get them. You understand?"

Shaggy chuckled. "Like, no argument here. If we could avoid it we'd be hundreds of miles away, probably taking refuge in the nearest hot dog stand."

Scooby giggled. "Reah, rot dogs." Looking quickly around he waited for Shaggy to focus on us again, then flicked out his tongue and somehow pulled all the meat from the giant sandwich Shaggy was absently biting into, swallowing all whole as the tall man bit down on empty bread.

"Anyway." Tanith said, trying not to laugh as Shaggy glared at his innocent faced best friend. "The Sanctuary is like Sorcerer police. They keep the peace and watch out of anyone who might be stirring up trouble. My old connections aren't quite as connected as they used to be though.."

I cursed. "Well, that's less than ideal. Nothing too bad happened to them, right?"

"Not as such." She grimaced. "Or it did but they're ok now. One went missing and we just recently got him back. My friend Skulduggery got sucked into a hell dimension for a while, and my friend Val, she's your age actually, just got him back. They used to work for the sanctuary, but they got replaced, and then THAT guy got replaced and the new girl is a stone cold bitch."

That sounded unpleasant, though the whole hell dimension thing piqued my interest. There were devils in hell, at least sometime. It wasn't the time for that though "Listen, I can take you back to Ireland the quick way, teleportation circle is just about instant, if I do, can you show us around and help us get a bead on this ghost?"

"I can try." She said uncertainly. "But looking for stuff isn't really my bag. Skulduggery is the detective, and chances are good he's the one more likely to be of help."

"Well weird name aside we'd appreciate the assist." I said with a shrug. "Also why DOES he have such a weird name?" Not that Tanith Lowe was exactly John Smith, but at least Tanith's name SOUNDED like a name.

She gave me an odd look, then chuckled. "Right, witches and wizards have their magic naturally sealed. It's why they use the wand. Most of them don't work with the more overt stuff like real sorcerers. Most sorcery opens you up to being affected by certain magics, magics that can be targeted with a name. Sorcerers take a new name to protect their old one."

Interesting. I wondered if that was related to that wizard warlord guy Daphne and Blaise had been telling me about. He'd taken another name too. I just shrugged. "Fair enough. Not my business what people call themselves."

Snickering, she rolled her eyes. "I'm actually a bit worried introducing you to Val after meeting your blonde and then seeing you with these two lookers." She nodded at the others. "She seems like your type, and I don't know if anyone has taught her to stay away from sweet talking pretty boys yet."

"That is slander." I scoffed in outrage. "Or libel. It's defamation either way, and I will not be accused of such spurious and unrealistic wrongdoing."

DB, who had been talking to my girls, chimed in. "Libel is written. It would be slander. But given how often you've been looking down my shirt I doubt it's either." Suzie pouted at me, and Seras just rolled her eyes.

"He's not so bad." She said with a chuckle. "Just likes to look. Ryan is a pretty good friend most of the time." She opened her mouth to continue and froze. I winced internally. She did that sometimes. She'd be talking and having fun and then something would make her think about her parents and she'd just kind of break down.

Ever the sweetheart, Suzie noticed and pulled everyone's attention off her. "If Ryan is making you uncomfortable though just tell him. He'll stop gaping."

That got a laugh from the busty redhead. "I don't care too much. You don't have tits like these for your whole life and not get used to a little ogling." She winked at me. "Plus he's pretty. I'm getting a nice show myself."

"Either way." Said Tanith with a laugh. "One of you will be in for a surprise. If you can give me a lift over to Dublin we'll call it even and I can introduce you to Skulduggery. If anyone can help you track down a rogue ghost it'll be him."

I wasn't sure why that would be, but I didn't look gift horses in their mouths. "We should finish eating at least." I laughed. "Shaggy and Scooby might mutiny if we make them search hungry."

"That's, like, a good idea." Said Shaggy pointedly as he glared at his dog. "My sandwich was much less filling than I was expecting." Scooby just gave that adorable doggy giggle again, and we all chuckled at the tall stoner's misfortune.

When the waitress came back, he ordered another five entrees. DB explained. "We've been picking up some mystery solving jobs here and there to supplement our income. Nothing crazy like the 13 ghosts stuff, just the odd guy in a mask doing insurance scams."

They'd told us some stories about their adventures last time, so I knew what she meant. "I didn't realize you guys got paid for that. Must be pretty well too if you can afford to feed those two." I gestured to the walking hurricanes in human form currently waiting to devour their weight in food.

"Not too bad." She shrugged. "We helped some English noble uncover some guy's scheme to steal his family's fortune at the reading of his will by pretending to be a vampire. Somehow. Not really clear on the details, but it seemed to be working."

Seras, who had just come back to herself after a chat with Suzie, pouted. "Vampires aren't just evil crazies who strike terror into people's hearts. They should be ashamed of themselves."

"Depends on the vampire." Said Tanith with a shake of her head. "We've got some nasty ones back in ireland. Roran Red-Hand is in charge of London, so most of the trouble maker's avoid the place."

I saw the blonde flinch at the mention of the vampire who had turned the vampire who turned her (probably). She hadn't spoken to Roran directly that I was aware of, and given his association with what had happened to her parents she might not be willing to. It seemed that she was displacing a lot of her anger onto Roran, at least as far as my mom had told me.

As long as she didn't do anything stupid like try to kill him, I didn't much mind that. Though I knew we would still have some things to work through eventually. When I reincarnated her I'd need to explain how the pieces worked in greater detail. I couldn't have saved her parents. I'd gotten there too late, but hearing it might have been possible under other circumstances wasn't likely to be pleasant for her.

I'd be saving that for a later date though. For now, we had a trip to take. We all ate (Suzie had ordered for me, beef stroganoff bless her heart) and after Shaggy and Scooby consumed enough food to create a scale model of a city out of dirty dishes, we were finally ready to leave.

Escorting everyone to the back of the restaurant, I had us all gather up together. "Alright, teleportation circles are pretty smooth, so don't worry too much about the sensation. Do NOT let any part of your bodies leave the circle or you will lose it."

Apparition had that risk too, it was called splinching, but it was much more prevalent in the wizard method of teleporting, and I much preferred my circle. Apparition was also apparently miserable, and they tended to teach it at the end of first year and I was debating just not going to those classes.

Tanith gave me directions to where we were going, and I looked up a picture of the place so I'd have a solid mental image. Some old mansion that used to belong to a famous mystery novelist. DB lost it when she heard that, because she was a huge fan of the guy. I'd never read any of his stuff, but apparently he did a lot of Lovecraftian horror and that had never been my jam.

As the energy from the circle faded, we all found ourselves standing on the grounds of a sprawling gothic manor, complete with dead trees and spooky ambiance. I kind of liked it. Tanith chuckled, looking around at the place fondly.

"Val moved into this place after she turned eighteen and Skulduggery has been staying with her since he got back. They're probably here." She paused, hesitating a bit. "Also…there's probably something I should tell you about him. Around our circles they call Skulduggery Pleasant the skeleton detective, and it's not because of his interest in archeology." At this point I wasn't even surprised. What was one more weird thing in my crazy life?

December 7th, 2010. Grimwood House, North County Dublin, Ireland, 7:00 PM BST

We approached the house with the steady gait of people who didn't have to worry about being attacked by living trees or mole people or whatever the fuck probably lived in a creepy mansion owned by sorceress. I of course, being a brave and gallant devil who didn't afraid of anything, walked in front, chin held high and ears peeled for tree monsters.

Tanith was chattering excitedly with DB, who was geeking hard about getting to come to the home of THE Gordon Edgely. The rest of us didn't really get it, but the busty redhead seemed nostalgic for the books, which were shown to her by a friend named Velma.

When we arrived at the end of the winding path, Tanith walked past me to be the one to knock. I figured there might be wards or something. She pounded on the door loudly before bellowing. "Oi! Val, come open the door, I'm freezing my tits off out here."

The was a series of loud thumps I recognized as heavy footsteps in combat boots before the door was flung open and a pretty goth with a serious case of resting bitch face came flying through it. "Tanith!" She squealed in a joyful tone at odds with her tough as nails appearance. "It's so good to see you! I thought you had to go back to London to meet up with some friends."

The blonde swordswoman rolled her eyes. "These are them. Turns out they wanted me to show them around Dublin, and I made the trip for nothing. Luckily one of them is some kind of teleporter."

"What?" The girl blinked. "I thought Fletcher was the last one? If you met another I've got to tell him, he'll be so excited."

Tanith shook her head, glancing at me. "Her ex is a sorcerer with teleportation magic. It's a long story Val, but these folks are witches basically. Lots of weirdo tricks with way less fire power. Pretty boy over there packs a decent whallop I think though. Now can you let us inside, if my nipples get any harder I'll have to open a glass cutting factory."

The goth girl in the dark velvet suit and jacket snickered. "More than I needed to know, Tanith, come on in."

Brushing past her, the blonde shrugged. "What? It's not like any of you missed that I had my high beams on. I'm not wearing a bra and this shirt isn't very thick. Blondie with jumbo jugs would definitely be in the same boat if she wasn't a vampire."

Val perked up as she let us in. "A vampire? I know a few of those. I don't mind them, but Skulduggery isn't going to like having one in the house. He's been a bit…well, jumpy, since getting back from you know where. She might want to wait out there."

"If he tries to put his hands on her I'm going to drag his ass to a dog shelter and give each of his bones to a different rescue dog." I said bluntly. "Seras is with me, and anyone who has a problem with it can bite my ass."

"I rather think she's more likely to do it herself." Drawled a pleasant irish voice. From the dark beneath the stairs. The tall skeleton in the pinstripe suit and the jauntily tipped hat must have been using some kind of magic to remain silent, because even my hearing hadn't picked up any movement.

"Nah." I disagreed. "She's a neck biter. Maybe a wrist in a pinch. But there's barely any blood in the ass. That's just counterproductive."

He stared at me for a minute, and it was kind of unnerving not to see an expression other than 'skull'. Finally he started chortling, and then broke out into a full laugh. "Oh, I like you. Very well, bring your vampire inside, as long as it's alright with Valkyrie. I'm curious what you could be here for."

He turned and walked down a hallway towards a room lit with the flickering glimmer of candles. "So…slightly rude question." I asked as I trailed behind him with the others. "How do you laugh? Or talk? You have no tongue or lips, or even lungs to push air through the voice box you also don't have."

"Haven't the foggiest." He said cheerfully. "Magic presumably. I didn't really have a chance to ask anybody what was going on when I was brutally murdered and mysteriously woke up alive as a skeleton."

"I…have no response to that." I deadpanned. "So, we're here looking for a ghost. We heard you might be able to help."

He shrugged. "Might. Depends on the ghost. You'd probably be better off asking the necromancers." He gestured to Val. "Valkyrie can probably help with that. She's supposed to be in good with them these days."

She groaned. "I've TOLD you Solomon was a huge help when you went missing. We needed to find your skull, and we couldn't have done it without him."

"Necromancer's probably won't be able to help." I said with a shrug. "Vincent Van Ghoul was the one who sent us looking, and he's a necromancer apparently. If there was something he could do I assume he'd have done it."

The skull snapped around, empty sockets focusing on me. "Van Ghoul? That old crow is still around? I haven't heard anything about him since the war. Thought he died. Bastard owes me fifty quid."

"The war?" I said in confusion. "The wizarding war twenty years ago? With lord moldyshorts or whatever the fuck?"

He snorted. Somehow. Seriously how was he fucking doing that? "Not hardly. The great war. The war with Mevolent. Though I suppose your lot would have been fighting Grindelwald. He was the only wizard among Mevolent's generals."

"Grindelwald?" Squeaked Suzie, her voice terrified. "Grindelwald had a MASTER? Grindelwald was considered one of the most dangerous dark wizards of all time. Who could tell Grindelwald what to do?"

"Mrs. Grindelwald?" I asked dryly. "Mama Grindelwald? This Mevolent guy was obviously some kind of uber badass, but since you used the past tense I assume he's dead or gone or preferably both. Meanwhile, we're here looking for a very specific kind of ghost. Can you help us?"

We entered the room, and Skulduggery gestured to the chairs filling the small library. "Please. Take a seat. Not literally of course, we need them here to fill the place out. Personally I think they're ugly as sin, but this isn't exactly my house."

Val rolled her eyes. "I'm not replacing the chairs. They do their job, and yes you can all sit. Tell us all about why you're here. We don't exactly have time for a case right now, but if this ghost you're looking for is easy to find we might be able to spare a day or two. Also why are you even looking for a ghost? Aren't they kind of…useless? Unless you made him?" She looked at Tanith. "Can they make ghosts like warlocks can?"

I shook my head. "I don't know how to make a ghost, nor do I want to. These aren't normal ghosts anyway. They're…stronger. They're made from…demons. You could say that Vincent made them I guess, but they've been locked inside of a chest for a long time. One of them is here and I need someone local to help track him down."

Shaggy's 'sense' of the ghosts was pretty vague, and Dublin was a big place. I didn't know how long they looked to find that ghost in London, but I doubted it was a short amount of time. My break was only so long, and I had Christmas plans. Ideally I wanted to find a way to cure Astoria before my dinner at Daphne's. As a Christmas present.

Once again, Skulduggery perked up slightly. "That's…an interesting story. Not one I've heard, but if it's true we should hurry. There are people who deal with the demonic, and if they get wind of your ghost it might not be there when we arrive."

Devils weren't demons, and it was weird to me that there would be people dedicated to hunting something Vincent described as being so rare, but that wasn't acceptable at all. We needed to find the ghost, especially if it was Rankor. I hoped it was Rankor. I was getting pretty sick of chasing them around.

Reaching into my pouch, I pulled out a handful of gold coins, and dropped them on the table next to my armchair. "I'll pay up front. Tanith trusts you. Find me that ghost, soon, and I'll double it." The pile was only like twenty galleons honestly, the shock value of throwing around big gold coins made them much more valuable in the muggle world, and I guessed with sorcerers judging what was essentially dollar signs in Val's eyes.

"We're happy to help!" She chirped, swooping in to snatch the coins up. At Skulduggery's head tilt, she shrugged. "This place needs to be cleaned, and I want to spruce it up a bit. I don't mind living in a mess, but I'd like it to be a comfortable mess."

He sighed. "Fine. I suppose I can help. We're looking for a group of sorcerers who have a magic bomb, so we're in a bit of a hurry, but tracking down one ghost shouldn't take much time. In fact, I think I know who might be able to get that information nearly instantly." He turned to Val. "We need to take them to see Moloch."

She grimaced. "I hate visiting the vampires. They may not all be so bad, but their lair is creepy. Fine, I can take them. Two cases, two of us. You stay on the Revenger's Club, I'll help them find the ghost. I might even be able to help them catch it."

We mostly had that in the bag, but if she could lead us to the thing quick I wasn't turning her down, plus cute goth girl tour guide was always a plus. I especially liked the accent. Her irish brogue fit her exceptionally well.

"So…what about our vampire?" I said, Jerking a thumb at Seras. "She won't be in danger right? We're pretty sure she's from Roran Red Hand's line. Is there any bad blood between him and this…Moloch?" If I had to I could teleport Seras home. It wasn't worth starting trouble that might get her killed just to see what she could do."

Val's eyes lit up. "Not at all! Roran Red Hand is a legend. If she's one of his that might actually help. Even Moloch doesn't mess with him. He can be…prickly. Or slippery maybe? Or slimy. Whatever you want to call it, having her around should help." She glanced at Seras. "That is, if you're willing to walk into a building full of vampires."

The blonde nodded, taking a deep breath. "I am. I'm not much use as I am. All I do is drink Ryan's blood and live at his house. He's done a lot for me and I know this is important to him."

Val shrugged. "Your call. I get paid either way." She giggled joyfully at that. "I get paid." She looked at her boss. "Hey, Skulduggery I'm getting paid. It's my first paid case." She seemed almost giddy at the prospect.

He nodded solemnly (or as solemnly as a skeleton can). "I find it vastly preferable to working for free."

Tanith rolled her eyes. "Some us have plans in the next week, so maybe we could get a move on you guys? I have a date tomorrow, and if I stay up all night ghost hunting I'm going to look a mess when I show up."

Val snickered. "Right. Off we go then. To the Ballymun Apartments. To meet a vampire. To find a demon ghost." She paused, looking at me. "Why does it suddenly feel like you aren't paying me enough?"

"Oh it always feels like that." Piped in Skulduggery dryly. "Don't worry. You'll get used to it." I smirked a little. I liked these two. They amused me. That was a matter for later though, for now I was focused on making sure Seras would be safe during this little outing. Nothing else was going to hurt her. Not if I could help it. If they did…well I'd have ten minutes to reincarnate her like I planned, and then absolutely destroy the people involved. Sometimes being a devil came in handy.

December 7th, 2010. Ballymun Apartments, Ballymun, Ireland, 9:00 PM BST

"I thought vampires were supposed to be all upper crust and sexy." I said to Seras accusingly. "This place looks like a reference photo in a slum lord textbook." I gestured emphatically to the large run down building. "Do you hear that sound? It's all my illusions shattering. I'm so disappointed right now."

"Piss off!" She snapped, her tone offended. "I've been a vampire for like a month, and I've never even BEEN to Ireland. How the bloody hell is this my fault?"

Val piped in helpfully. "I think he's counting you as the representative for all vampires at the moment. I think americans call that profiling, and they're pretty against it." She clicked her tongue, shaking a finger at me. "For shame."

Suzie sighed. "I think he's been a bad influence on you already, Valkyrie."

"Trust me." Snickered Tanith. "She has plenty of those to begin with. I doubt he made much difference. Besides, aren't you all sweet on the pretty boy?"

"Of course." Sputtered Suzie. "I adore Ryan. But he can be a bit flippant at times. I think it's really cute, but I get enough of it from him. Seras is even doing it, and she's such a sweet girl most of the time."

I didn't have the heart to tell her our vampire was usually pretty acerbic already, she'd just been sort of down since she lost her parents. It was good to see her snarking again. "Well." I said gesturing Seras forward. "You're our envoy, as it were, so you can go first. I'll be right behind you, and don't worry, vampires may be fast, but so am I. Anyone comes at you and I'll put them on their ass."

"Wait." Said Tanith abruptly, calling the whole group to a halt. Well, most of the group. Shaggy and Scooby had been hiding behind the blonde swordswoman so they stopped before she said anything. I had to admit, it was a solid hiding place. Tanith was a badass, also they got to look at her ass in those pants.

"What is it?" I asked, not liking the tone in her voice at all. She'd gotten a text and was reading over it, her eyes jerking up to scan the gloom around us. The streetlights outside the run down apartment seemed to almost brighten, the dark growing deeper. I could still see easily with my dark vision, but something seemed ominous about the night.

Tanith reached up, easing her sword from its scabbard. "My sources at the Irish sanctuary just contacted me. Davina Marr tipped to us entering Ireland. The sensor net triggered when I teleported in. She has a few sources of her own, including apparently one among the vampires. They tipped her off to why we're here."

"What does that mean exactly?" I said carefully. "Are we walking into a trap? Does she have some way to turn the vampires on us?"

She shook her head. "She doesn't need to. The vampire apparently told her about there being possible demonic activity. Remember we mentioned there were demon experts? Well they're here. We wouldn't even know that, except Fletcher is still the only game in town for transportation, and they used him to bring them over."

Fletcher must be the 'source' she mentioned. I was pretty sure she'd mentioned him talking to Val back when we met, the teleporter. "So. Demon experts." I said with a curse. We weren't fucking demons. Did these guys have any way of dealing with a devil ghost? Or a devil wizard? Was I in danger here? "Who are they?"

"They're kind of hush hush." She grimaced. "They were active during the war. Mevolent's people tried summoning demons a few times. But everyone eventually agreed that the cure was worse than the disease and we came to an unspoken agreement banning the practice."

I sighed. "Fantastic. A group so brutal that magic Hitler's even more magic boss was so scared of them he agreed to a tacit ceasefire. That fills me with optimism and glee."

Grabbing Seras, I pushed her behind me. "You're not up front anymore. I absolutely don't want you getting caught up in fighting…whatever the fuck these people are. If anyone is going to take a shot it should be me. Look alive people, if the vampires are the point of failure here they're the only lead these people have."

Tanith finished drawing her sword, Scooby and Shaggy, to my shock, stepped back to take up positions around DB. They were clearly completely terrified, but they weren't going to bolt and leave their old friend behind. I respected the hell out of them for that. Suzie drew her wand, holding it ready at her side as her eyes darted quickly around, and Val's fingers flexed as darkness rose to her hands.

Leading the way, I approached the door to the apartment building, pushing it open, and was immediately hit with the scent of blood. LOTS of blood.

"So…are the vampires here excessively messy eaters by any chance?" I asked grimly. "Because someone either killed a shit load of people in here or opened up a penny factory, and I feel like coin casting would make it warmer."

Val looked wary. "Maybe? Caelan, my vampire…friend, he tends to avoid that kind of thing, but the rest of them are less restrained. They didn't do it in front of me, but that doesn't mean they didn't do it at all. How do you know anyway? Are you a werewolf or something? I've heard they have good noses."

"There aren't any werewolves in Ireland." Said Tanith firmly. "The catholic church killed them all."

"And good riddance to the lot of them." Said a cheerful Irish voice from the hall ahead. I hadn't heard him coming somehow, though I'd been distracted by the scent of blood and Val's answer. The man who stepped out from behind the corner was…big.

He had wild blond hair that stuck up all over, round glasses, a scruffy five o clock shadow, and wide, intense green eyes I could see the whites of all the way around. He was tall, ridiculously tall, like a bit taller than six and a half feet. There was a scar on his left cheek shaped like a wedge, and he was wearing a long dark coat with a huge crucifix around his neck.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" Said Tanith, bringing her sword up to bear. I tensed as I got a better look at the guy. The others couldn't tell because it was pretty dim in here and he was wearing black, but I saw where the blood smell was coming from, he was coated in it.

"Ask of me." Said the man in his thick irish brogue, glasses flashing in the dim light as he approached. "And I shall give thee the heathen for thy inheritance and for thy possession, the ends of the earth. Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron, thou shalt dash them in pieces like a potter's vessel."

Her eyes widened. "Fuck." She spat. "Iscariot. You beat us here." The man grinned, flicking his wrists and letting a pair of sharp silver bayonets slide into his hands. "Where are the vampires?" She asked angrily. "We had questions."

"And they had no answers." Giggled the tall man. "Only sins. And I have cleansed them of their filth and returned them to their makers. And rejoice, for all the dark will be swept away in God's glorious mercy." His eyes narrowed at Tanith. "The Devil, and ALL his minions."

He blurred, faster than a human should have been able to move. One blade swept up at Tanith, who was more than fast enough to block, but the second sailed into the air, banked off an exposed vent and sang right toward Seras.

I moved like lightning, wings out as I flashed forward to grab the thing before it touched her. I couldn't reach the hilt, so I just snagged the blade, ready to ignore the cut.

Howling, I flung it away as my hand caught fire, white flame consuming the blood flowing from the wound in my palm. I patted it out, gritting my teeth as I glared at the tall man. His wide eyes somehow got wider, his teeth exposing in a wide grin. "Abomination." He almost SANG with excitement. "Man seeks and the lord provides!"

I shook out my hand, drawing my wand. "Ok. I don't care about your weird preacher man murderer schtick, but you just tried to spear my friend with a magic blade. I'm kicking your giant ass until it changes shape."

He reached into his coat, and I blurred forward, ready to dodge the next blade if there was another, but instead of a sword, he yanked out a stack of papers and flung them into the air. The stack scattered, and I reached up to bat aside the papers, but when I touched one it wrapped around me and started to fucking BURN.

"Shit." I hissed, blurring backwards. "What the fuck ARE these." They were everywhere now, floating in the air like rectangular papery mines. I flicked my wand, hissing. "INCEDIO!"

A wave of fire consumed the papers, but a dozen of those fucking bayonets came sailing out of the flames, followed by Tanith, who snapped. "Oi! Watch it! I haven't been burned alive in decades, and I'd prefer to maintain my streak."

Val flicked her fingers at the dispersing flames, and a wave of shadows sailed out, using the flickering remains of the fire to lengthen and curve, and the darkness came off the floor all around the man, trying to pincushion him. They actually DID pincushion him, but when the blades retracted he seemed basically unphased.

"Heathens, monsters, and servants of the devil." He cooed gleefully as he somehow drew MORE of those fucking bayonets from his coat (was it a fucking pocket dimension? HOW did he have so many? Bayonets for days.). "My prayers are answered. For I can scrub the unclean filth from these shores, as is my duty."

I glared at him. "See. This is why no one likes the Catholic Church. You guys suck the fun out of everything. You're like vampires. But for fun. Also you kill vampires. My metaphor is falling apart here, but in my defense, your fucking bayonet SET ME ON FIRE a minute ago!"

Tanith stepped in front of me, sword raised. "You're not even supposed to be here!" She snapped. "Marr shouldn't have called you. She doesn't have the authority. No one is going to care about a few dozen vampires, but you can't kill sorcerers in cold blood. The Sanctuary won't stand for it. You'll start a war."

He grinned wider somehow, and I thought his smile might split his face. "You have been chosen to reveal my existence to the world. You will witness what happens here today, and tell of it later. Except you won't because I'll have killed you!" He crowed.

"Oh my. Brilliant speech." Drawled a familiar voice from the dark behind him. Our eyes all snapped up as ANOTHER tall man stepped around the corner, this one clad in a familiar red coat and sunglasses."And unoriginal." Said Luc as he drew a giant ass gun from his coat. "You totally got that from Boondock Saints."

The blonde man turned slowly, like a hunting dog scenting prey. "Monster." He hissed. "You've got a lot of nerve showing yourself before me. I've waited a long time to rid this world of your taint."

"Honestly I could do without it myself." Luc said with a carefree shrug. "It doesn't serve much purpose except keeping my balls and ass separate. Oh, and speaking of assholes." He drew another gun with a blur and started emptying bullets into the blonde man, ventilating him and shattering both of the bayonets he was holding. It appeared the cavalry had arrived.

As per usual pat-reon has the advance chapters at that site /malcolmtent hope everyone enjoys the chapter.