AN: Junpei's school has been changed to…well…you'll see. In canon, he stopped going to school in his second year, but I changed this and made him continue to go to school to fit the narrative of my fic.

Warning: bullying, minor sexual harassment, thoughts of suicide, graphic descriptions of the methods, and actual attempted suicide.

Chapter 10 Yoshino Junpei

Some victims of bullying thought they could be freed from the pain if they just killed themselves. And maybe they were right. Maybe whatever place they went to after death was indeed a happier place. But such a cowardly move was not something Junpei would ever do. The thought of killing himself never even crossed his mind. If he had to die, he'd take his bullies down with him. To kill himself because he was too much of a coward to kill the perpetrators who deserved it? His life was worth more than that.

"Hey hey hey!"

A harsh slap on his cheek jerked him back to reality.

Dammit. He just wanted a few minutes to himself, to escape from reality, and hide in the comfort of his own mind, surrounded by his comforting thoughts regardless of how dark they were.

"Don't get distracted in the middle of a video! Unless you want us to do it for you!"

Junpei tried to ignore their rambunctious laughter, but the jeering and the camera flashes persisted on demanding his attention. His fingers trembled as he reached for the top button of his uniform. If he were to refuse, if he were to fight back…they'd just do it themselves anyway, and that'd be much more horrifying. Their nasty hands pushing him down and yanking on his clothes… If the outcome was the same, he'd much rather do it himself.

"Come on! Strip! Strip! Do a strip tease for the audience!" Sayama yelled.

No matter how loud they got, no one ever came to take a look, let alone came to his rescue. Teachers were dumb. They always headed straight to the faculty room after class ended, so they never thought that bullying could be occurring under their very nose. And now, it was even less likely for anyone to stumble upon them after school was already over.

There was no escaping it.

Might as well get it over with.

After Junpei unbuttoned the first button, the rest came easier. His hands shook as he shrugged them out of his sleeves, followed by a violent shake in his whole body after his bare skin was exposed to the cold in the boy's restroom. He gritted his teeth and shrugged the shirt off.

The jibes and even catcalls grew in volume as he moved his hands to the waistband of his pants. He was ready to just get it over with, but he couldn't get his fingers to undo his belt. He hated having to do this, to leave a permanent record of his pitiful self on the internet for everyone to see.

If only there was a way to stop them, to stop them for good. Why couldn't they die already? If they were dead, if they were…… If……

If I was dead, then I wouldn't have to suffer this humiliation.

The thought startled Junpei.

Whenever he saw news of kids committing suicide, he'd always scoff at them and think how disappointing it was that they didn't take their bullies down with them.

Killing himself was never the ans—

But it's the fastest way to end this. They will never stop bullying me. If they're willing to make me strip, what else would they end up doing? What if they decided to burn me like those bullies in Korea did? Burn wounds are permanent. I'd have to live with them for the rest of my life.

That's right. A video on the internet was also permanent, but at least it isn't a physical scar. At least I won't be reminded of my pathetic self every time I see it.

I should kill myself.

Yeah. The roof is right there. I just need to climb up there and jump off. It won't even take a whole minute. I'd crash head first within seconds and be able to go to a happier place. A place with no bullies, no pain, and no……mom.

No mom?

That's right.

What would his mom do if he were to leave her? He was the only one she had. He couldn't do this to her, not after everything she did to raise him as a single mother. He couldn't do such a cruel thing to her.

All of a sudden, he was drenched in icy cold water.

Junpei stood frozen, unable to process what had just happened, until the sound of camera shutters snapped him out of it.

"That should do it!" Nishimura threw away an empty bucket. "How many times do we have to say it? Don't space out in the middle of a video."

"Nishimura, I think he wants it." Sayama sneered as he sucked on his cigarette, the poisonous fumes fanning over to Junpei who held his breath to not inhale it. "I think he wants us to strip for him"

Junpei shuddered. He didn't even want to know what was going through Sayama's mind to come up with that.

"Is that right, Yoshino-chan?" Nishimura said in a sickening sweet way that sent revulsion coursing through his body.

Junpei didn't know why he suddenly thought of suicide, but he knew the one thing he absolutely could not allow them to do was letting their disgusting hands touch him. Maybe it was the fear that had his mind going haywire, but his fear for what was about to come was so much greater that it forced order into his erratic thoughts and helped him muster the courage to resist.

It was three against one. He couldn't win. They were blocking the door. But…

Junpei glanced at the window behind him.

Maybe he could escape out the window. A three story fall shouldn't kill him…probably.

And if it did, then even better. I'd be free.

Nishimura was approaching him with a disgusting sneer. Honda looked hesitant about this turn of events, but his phone was still raised, always ready to take pictures.

If I want to do it, I have to do it quickly before they can react and stop me.

Junpei turned his attention onto Nishimura, keeping his eyes trained on him so they couldn't see what he was planning. Right before Nishimura's hand reached him, he planted his hands onto the window sill and kicked out his legs, driving his heels into Nishimura to knock him back. He then spun around and opened the window, only to go completely still when he came face to face with the thing that was poised outside.

His jaw dropped, air leaving his lungs as his brain tried and failed to catch up to the current situation he was facing.

The thing resembled a moth, but it was green, and huge, wore a mask on its head, and had eyes all over its body.

What in the flying fuck is this!?

Junpei vaguely heard the outrageous cries as multiple hands grabbed him and pulled him away from the window. He didn't even resist, because he knew putting some distance between himself and that window, that thing, was the wise thing to do right now.

"You trying to jump or something?" Nishimura said with a hand on the back of his collar.

Junpei could only manage a "huh?"

They…couldn't see that?

He had half a mind to bring the monster to their attention, to maybe divert their attention away from himself, or maybe to form a temporary truce and fight that monster together (of course, Junpei would escape at the first opportunity and leave these idiots to die.)

Before he could come to a decision, the bathroom door banged open and a girl with long black hair stormed in like she had every right to be here. Her gaze immediately settled on the window, or perhaps, on the monster, and she opened her mouth to say something, maybe to explain her reasoning for being here. But Sayama cut her off with a loud scream.

"Holy shit!" He threw his cigarette onto the ground and stomped it out, then hid his phone behind him and grabbed Honda's phone to move it out of view as well. "Fuck! Guys, we're leaving!"

"What— Why!"

"That's Iki! The first year girl who sent a bully to the infirmary on the very first day!"

"You mean the one who knows martial arts!?"

"Yeah! I heard she's trained by Touno himself!"

"Who the fuck is Touno…"

Their voices grew faint as they ran out the door, not even closing it on their way out, so Iki closed it for them. She seemed so hyper-focused on the monster that only now did her eyes settle on him and she yelped.

"Oh— Oh my god! What happened to you!?"

Junpei grabbed his wet shirt from the puddle on the floor and squeezed out the excess water before putting it on. He tried to not look at her. It was embarrassing enough for a third-year to be saved by a first year girl. He didn't want to see her reaction of seeing his unsightly body as well.

Iki's hands were slightly outreached towards him, her fingers curling and uncurling like she was itching to do something. She waited until after he was fully dressed before she hesitantly grabbed his sleeve and gently pulled him away from the window.

"Don't stay too close to it. It's dangerous," she said softly, her eyes never leaving the monster.

"Do you know what it is?"

Junpei only realized how stupid his question was after he asked it. She didn't have to know what that thing was to know it was dangerous. Like, just look at it.

"Yeah, it's called an Ayakashi. Think of it like ghosts and demons that haunt a place. Don't worry though, I know someone who can exorcize it."

Ghosts? Demons? Exorcize?

The words were uttered too quickly for Junpei to register that, yes, she did just confirm the existence of the supernaturals.

Iki led him out of the bathroom and told him to wait outside while she went back in to keep an eye on the mons— on the Ayakashi as she dialed a number.

Junpei could hear the booming voice that came from the other end of the call despite being a distance away.

"Thank you for choosing this fast, affordable, and re— Oh, it's you, Hiyori. What do you want?" The voice instantly lost its enthusiasm after it realized who the caller was.

"I need your help Yato. I found an Ayakashi here at my s—"

There was a loud crash that could only have come from a heavy thing falling onto the empty bucket, followed by two groans, one of which was in a suspiciously familiar voice Junpei could swear belonged to this guy named Ya—

"Hiyori!"

Yup, it was Yato's voice, loud and clear, echoing in the bathroom.

Which meant a person had just appeared out of thin air.

What in the flying fuck.

Junpei couldn't hold back his curiosity any longer. He went back inside for a glance. Just a quick glance to satisfy his curiosity. Lying on the ground by Iki's feet were two guys, one on top of the other with their limbs all tangled up. The taller of the two was the one on top, so his clothes were spared from the wet ground. He stood up first, brushing off nonexistent dust on his clothes before clicking his tongue as he glanced around.

The shorter guy had the front side of his outfit completely soaked and there was a bruise forming on his chin where it hit the ground. "Hiyori~~! Why couldn't you have summoned us at a better location?" So he was Yato.

"Sorry! I didn't think that you'd come so quickly!"

"Well, I'm the fast, affordable, and reliable Delivery God after all. Of course I'd be fas—"

"GOD!?" Junpei slapped a hand over his mouth when he accidentally blurted out and drew all three's attention onto him. "Um… Sorry, I'll…um…go…"

"Oh no, it's alright!" Yato pushed himself up and wiped his hands on the back of his pants where it was dry. "Hiyori, is he a friend of yours?"

"No, I just saw the Ayakashi so I came up here and saw him…"

"Oh well." Seeing Junpei still inching for the door, Yato said, "You heard that right! I'm the Yatogami! A Delivery God who can assist you with anything and everything!" He pulled out a business card from god knows where and handed it to Junpei with both hands, like he was a businessman trying to make connections. "Here's my name and contact info. Call me if you ever need anything!"

"Th-Thank you." Junpei accepted the hand-written business card meekly, his hand trembling when he accidentally touched Yato's hand.

If what Yato said was true…

Oh my god.

I just touched a God's hand!

After seeing that monstrosity still lurking by the window, Junpei didn't even hesitate to accept the existence of Gods. He wasn't a firm believer in the supernaturals like ghosts and souls, but he never outright refuted their existence either; he was merely indifferent to them. Whether they existed or not didn't matter to him. As long as they didn't directly cause troubles for him and make his life difficult, then he didn't give two shits about them.

Perhaps his indifference to the supernaturals had helped him accept the existence of Gods…and Ayakashi as well.

"So… What is that thing? If Ayakashi have always existed, how come I didn't see any until now?" Junpei asked after tucking the card into his wallet.

"It's because Ayakashi, like us Gods, have a low presence. It's not that they're invisible. You simply don't pay attention to them. It's like that one classmate who's always so quiet that others forget he even exis— Urk!" Yato groaned when Iki elbowed him in the stomach. "W-What was that for, H-Hiyori…"

"Read the room, you idiot!"

Junpei didn't realize he was visibly showing how much that statement hurt him with his facial expressions. Not wanting to make the others feel awkward, he shook his hands and said, "Don't worry about it. It's not like you're wrong. People do forget about me sometimes. At times, it's a blessing because they won't mess with me if they forgot I existed. But sometimes, it does hurt a little to always be forgotten…"

The pity in Iki's eyes was, frankly, infuriating to see. What Junpei needed wasn't pity. He just wanted to be treated normally, like he wasn't any different from anyone else. He didn't need to be pitied or to be treated in any special way like he was a glass doll that'd break with a single touch. He just wanted normal friends like a normal person.

But who'd want to be friends with me?

"Uhhhh, yeah, so, like, the Ayakashi are like that. Not many people can see them. Most can only see them, or, more like, notice their presence when under severe stress. Ayakashi are made up of negative emotions, so the more negative emotions you have, the more likely you'll see them."

So that's why I was able to see it. I was thinking of suicide after all.

"Annnnnyway! Don't worry about this! We'll take care of it in no time!" Yato reached out his hand towards the taller guy and yelled, "Kakki!"

Junpei wasn't sure if something was supposed to happen, but when Kakki didn't respond to Yato calling his name, Yato called it again. And this time, Kakki, the taller guy who was eying the Ayakashi oddly the entire time, clicked his tongue before transforming into a ball of light that shot towards Yato's hand and wrapped around his wrist. When the light faded, it revealed a bracelet made of black beads.

"Wow…"

"Amazing, right?" Yato grinned proudly as his other hand gently caressed the bracelet. He then suddenly shuddered, his face paling as he retracted his hand like he was shocked by static electricity. "O-Okay, let's just take care of this ASA—AHHHH!"

The Ayakashi spread out its large wings and flew away.

Junpei had wondered why it never moved from its spot, like it was waiting patiently for them to kill it.

This made much more sense, unfortunately.

"Goddammit!" Yato cursed. Oh the irony. Junpei wanted to laugh, but now wasn't the time for laughs. "Hiyori, we're going to chase after it! Come on!" While running past Junpei, he even winked and said, "It was nice meeting you! Be sure to give me a call if you need help with anything! See yah!"

And……he was gone.

Iki had followed after him. Junpei didn't know why she even bothered. Perhaps she had some special superpower that could assist them in the fight against the Ayakashi? Since she could not only see the Ayakashi without being under severe stress, but also seemed to be on close terms with Yato, a God… Maybe she really did have special superpowers.

How nice. I want superpowers, too.

If he had superpowers, no one would dare to bully him.

But that sort of thing would never happen.

Maybe if I died, I could be reborn with superpowers.

That thought made no sense, but for some reason, it also made perfect sense.

Yato had clearly said some people could see Ayakashi, while most people could not. Junpei was simply unfortunate enough to be born as the majority who lacked the special ability to see them without being under severe stress. So all he needed to do was kill himself and be reborn, again and again, until he was given a special body.

Yeah, that's right. Suicide isn't a coward's way out. If anything, it's the most logical solution given the circumstances. It's not guaranteed that things will get better, that I'll have a bright future ahead of me, so why should I keep suffering based on a future that's merely probable, but not guaranteed to be possible? Why should I subject myself to their bullying when there's an easier and faster way out? A way to fix the root of the issue, to get rid of bullying once and for all?

Mom won't like it, but it's for her own good. Without having to spend money on me, she won't have to work this hard and can instead spend more money on herself. She deserves better than a son like me. My death will surely weigh on her, but she'll live a much happier, burden-free life after she moved on from my death.

School was mostly empty. The kids who stayed behind for club activities hung around their individual club rooms, leaving the classrooms unoccupied. No one spotted Junpei returning to his classroom to grab his bag, no one noticed the blank look on his face, and no one stopped him when he climbed up the stairs to the roof.

The door to the roof was always locked, but delinquents like Sayama and Ito got a spare key from an alumnus (possibly a bully too), so they often dragged Junpei up to the roof to "hang out" during lunch. Their classmates probably thought they were friends, only because they couldn't see the bruises hidden beneath Junpei's clothes. The bullies were smart; they aimed for places that couldn't be seen.

Once, they even knocked him out and locked him up there after school was already over. By the time he regained consciousness, he was trapped and had to call a locksmith to come and get him out. The locksmith took pity on him, so he taught Junpei how to pick the lock of this particular door.

Thanks to that old man, Junpei opened the door without a hitch and made his way to the edge after locking the door behind him.

It was a common belief that a person seeking death must take off their shoes before jumping off the building. It tied into the Japanese's customs of removing shoes before entering a house to refrain from tracking dirt and such inside. The afterlife was supposed to be an ethereal sanctuary that mustn't be tarnished by filth from the living, so such rules should be followed when entering the afterlife as well.

But Junpei didn't give a shit about all that. He never cared about such cliches anyway. Teenagers had to break rules and experience romance, adults had to get a job and shouldn't live with their parents, fathers must be the ones supporting their family financially, while mothers must stay home to tend the kids… What a load of crap. They were just shit made up to keep people in line and confined to their roles.

Roles. This was what Japanese society was all about. "Do what you're supposed to do. Be like everyone else. Follow the rules. Know your place. The only way for a society to function is for everyone to commit to their roles like cogs in a machine."

Junpei was already leaving all this crap behind, so he couldn't give a flying fuck about following the customs and killing himself properly.

He climbed over the railing and gazed down at the ground without fear. There was no one beneath him, so no chance of him accidentally falling on someone and committing manslaughter right before being judged for his sins in the afterlife.

The building to his right seemed pretty lively. Screams could be heard from all the way here. Every so often he'd see a flash of bright green wings and multitudes of freaky eyes peeking out from behind the building, followed by a small, black figure chasing after it.

Junpei turned his attention back to himself. With one hand clenching the metal railing, he flung his school bag with his other hand and stared as it turned smaller and smaller until it hit the ground with a quiet plop.

That was barely three seconds.

With his weight, he should be able to do it in two.

It'd be a quick death. If he could land on his head, he could even make it painless, because death would be instant.

Junpei slackened his grip and lifted his thumb.

What if I landed on my back? What if I didn't die, but ended up paralyzed for the rest of my life? What if it's not as painless as everyone said it'd be?

The rest of his fingers seemed glued to the metal as his breathing picked up its pace.

I'll just kill myself again if that happened. If I'm paralyzed from the waist down, I'll stab my pen into my throat. If it's from the neck down, I'll just bite my tongue off. No need to be afraid. A happy, stress-free life is waiting for me. All I need to do is take the first step.

These dark yet comforting thoughts erased all the worries plaguing him. They were like the warm touch of a mother, soothing him and making him feel like everything would be okay. There was nothing to fear.

Junpei closed his eyes so he could no longer see the sunlight, let go of his hand…

And took a step.

AN: bold words are thoughts that are influenced by the Ayakashi