Chapter 7
Six months later, Jessica and Seth were living together at Candlewood Lane and had been for some time. They still weren't married, but Jessica knew that Seth would ask again soon and she thought that once he did, she would be ready to say yes.
They had weathered the gossip and the curiosity of those in Cabot Cove. Jessica merely smiled and stayed silent at the nosy questions she heard at Loretta's, and although Beverly was aware that Seth never slept above his office anymore, she knew better than to talk about it. That didn't mean Beverly couldn't smile knowingly at those who asked her though. Mort and Maureen knew, of course. Mort worked too many nights and had driven by the house, where Seth's car was parked every night now for there to be any doubt. But other than telling them that they wanted to be their witnesses whenever they did get married, they never said anything further and as a result, they were the only couple who were invited to dinner during the winter.
Her most recent book had been published and Seth had joined her in both San Francisco and Boston, bringing Morag, for her public appearances. The tours were not ideal for anyone. First of all, only doing three cities for no more than a week at a time, meant that the three of them traveled back to Cabot Cove in between, which was tiring for all of them. However, this allowed Seth to see patients, as he felt it was not fair to them to be gone any longer. It also allowed Jessica to have some down time during the days with Morag, and she was grateful for the respite. She loved meeting her readers and often became energized and inspired to go home and begin writing the next manuscript, but she needed her alone time, too. Vaughn and Matt were having a hard time adjusting to her schedule being different, and not being able to pack her days with press and interviews as in years past. However, this book, like all of them before, made the bestseller lists and so, she maintained her freedom to dictate what she would and would not commit to. They were respecting her boundaries and she knew that they would adjust over time.
They had returned home the week before from San Francisco and Jessica was packing and doing laundry for New York. This was the last week of her tour and she was going alone. Seth had decided that he would stay home with Morag. He was tired of traveling, but he also suspected that Jessica still needed to feel independent. They had been together the last six months every day and every night. Sometimes, he worried that she would regret giving up her solitude and he never wanted to be the cause of any regret she might have. He also was not afraid to admit that he did not like New York and she would enjoy the experience far more without him.
She was packed, ready for Seth to take her the next morning to board the train to New York alone, and she was a bundle of nerves.
That night after making love, they held each other close. Morag's soft snores were already filling the room. Jessica could not sleep though. She was excited about traveling to New York. She had not been since selling her apartment and she was ready to experience Manhattan again. But she was also feeling sad and overwhelmed at leaving Seth and Morag.
Seth had decided to take Morag to his apartment over his office for the week. He said he didn't feel uncomfortable staying at Candlewood Lane on his own, as he did view it as his home now. The majority of his clothes and personal items had been moved months ago. But without Jessica being there, he would be too lonely. Plus, he had to go to the office every day anyway, so it would be easier.
"What's wrong, Jess? I can hear you thinking."
"Hmm, how do you do that?"
"I know you."
"Yes, you do."
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
Sighing, she said, "I am going to miss you this week."
"I'm going to miss you, too. But why are you so melancholy about it? I thought you would be excited and raring to go tomorrow. You haven't been to New York in a long time. You'll see Vaughn and Matt and all your other friends there. You probably won't have a moment alone to think about missing me."
Leaning back to look into his eyes, she said, "I don't have to be alone to miss you, Seth."
Staring at her, he felt his chest clench. God, he loved her. He still struggled with vulnerability though and his own insecurities, as he could not help but question, "Are you sure you just won't miss Morag? I'm not exactly the easiest person to get along with and I am well aware of it."
"Oh, my love, stop it. I would have thought after all this time that we would be past these fears."
"You didn't answer the question."
"Fine. Yes, I will miss Morag, too. But you know, as well as I do, that my heart is big enough to love you both."
"And Frank."
"Of course, Frank. Just like you love, Ruth. There is love for us all," she said as she caressed his face.
"I love you, Jess."
"And I love you. Now, unless you think you have a lot more energy than I thought you did, we should try to go to sleep."
She moved her hand down the length of his body, leaving no doubt what she was referring to, when he laughed, and said, "I wish I was twenty years younger, my dear, but I'm afraid I'm not, so we should definitely try to sleep."
Pouting, but understanding, she kissed him softly, before curling into his side. This time, sleep and sweet dreams found them both.
S/J
The week in New York was the whirlwind that Jessica knew it would be. She did miss Seth and Morag, especially the first few nights, when the hotel room was quiet. Even in the heart of Manhattan, she was on a high enough floor in the hotel and the windows were thick, that all of the noise of the city was blocked. She had gotten used to Seth and Morag's snores and found their subtle noises and breathing throughout the night to be comforting and reassuring. She spoke to Seth every morning and evening and although they always had plenty to share, there would often be a long pause at some point in the conversation, as one or both of them struggled to put into words how they were feeling and how much they missed each other.
It was difficult to be vulnerable but when one of them fought through the discomfort to speak, the other one always met them, assuring them that they were not alone in their feelings and that they would be in each other's arms soon.
Jessica had completed all of her press interviews and book signings during the week and had a nice dinner on Friday night with Vaughn and Olga in their Manhattan apartment. It had been a long time since she had a private meal with them and it had been wonderful to catch up. Olga had tried on more than occasion to get Jessica to share about Seth. While she did share a little, she maintained their privacy, choosing to focus on the fact that they were spending more time together, while not admitting that they were living together and talking more and more about getting married.
After dinner and a nightcap, Vaughn called for a taxi to pick Jessica up and take her back to her hotel. While they waited for the taxi's arrival, Vaughn went over Saturday evening's publishing party that was being held at Buckley House, his publishing company. It was being catered and all of Buckley House's authors had been invited, as well as quite a few members of the press and all the agents associated with the authors. This was the last event that Jessica was expected to attend before taking the train home early on Sunday morning. It should be a pleasant event, but she did want to find a pair of shoes to go with her new dress tomorrow, as the ones she had brought had proven very uncomfortable the last time she wore them. As she had all day to do so, she was feeling rather relaxed.
After Olga kissed her cheek at the door, Vaughn followed her down the stairs to the waiting taxi. As he told her goodnight, Vaughn said, "I've told Walter to be at your hotel room by half past six tomorrow, so that should give you plenty of time to get to the party by seven."
Jessica turned towards him in surprise and asked him, "Walter? Who's Walter?"
"Your escort for the party. I thought that was in your press tour packet," he said in confusion.
"Vaughn, I'm not going with an escort. Please tell Walter not to come."
"Jess, I know you have never been much of a fan of escorts, but they really do help with events of this nature."
Deciding to be forthright and refusing to show even a little embarrassment about it, she squared her shoulders and said, "Vaughn, I know I am rather private about Seth, but let me myself clear. I am with him. We are in a committed, monogamous relationship and the days of letting a single man take me to any event are over. It would not be appropriate."
Vaughn looked as though he was going to argue, but Jessica's face turned fierce, daring him to speak. Instead, his face became resigned and as she turned to get into the taxi, he said, "As you wish, Jess. I'll let him know. See you tomorrow."
Before he could shut the door, she made eye contact, trying to smooth over their tension and said, "Thank you for understanding."
Nodding, he lifted a hand to wave, as the taxi pulled away.
Returning to the hotel room, Jessica was unsettled. She detested having to put her foot down on something that she had agreed to many times in the past. But there was no room for compromise for her, as she knew that if she had caved, Seth would have been hurt. As a result, she felt like she may be viewed as something akin to a witch, because she held firm to her boundaries, even though she hoped Vaughn had understood.
She had returned to her hotel room earlier than she thought she would. She had almost an hour before she was due to call Seth, so she decided to run a hot bath. Maybe that would calm her down and help her to relax.
The suite she had been given was one fit for a queen. She did enjoy a bit of luxury from time to time. It was certainly a perk of her profession that she did not mind. They had been given similar suites when Seth had joined her with Morag in both Boston and San Francisco. Seth's mouth always dropped the first time they would enter the suite, and she always had to remind him that the publishing house paid for their stay, which would calm him down a bit.
The bath salts that she added to the water and the dim lighting that she turned on were soothing to her mind and heart. It had been a busy week and she had loved seeing her friends and colleagues. It had started off on Sunday with seeing Grady, Donna, and Little Frank, and by Monday, she went from one work event to the next. She had been looking forward to doing a bit of shopping tomorrow and walking around the city, before the party tomorrow night. Now, all she wanted was to go home.
She missed Seth and she missed Morag. Her chest ached and her eyes filled with unshed tears. She did not know what was wrong. But as she assessed her body from head to toe, she realized that she was homesick. While she had missed Seth over the last couple of years or so when she was living part-time in New York, she couldn't remember ever feeling homesick. Lonely, yes. Homesick? Never. But she knew with certainty, that was her problem now.
Sighing, she stood up out of the bathtub, letting the water begin to drain, as she dried off and carefully stepped out onto the mat. She was not sure of the time, but she wanted to call Seth now, and did not want to wait any longer.
Wrapping the thick terry cloth robe around her body that was provided by the hotel, she quickly went through her nightly routine at the sink, before going back into the bedroom. Glancing at the clock, it was still twenty minutes before she was supposed to call. Pulling out underwear and a soft pink nightgown, she dressed and climbed into bed.
Reaching for the phone, she dialed the number at Seth's apartment. She smiled when he answered on the second ring, immediately asking if she was okay.
"Hi, Seth. How are you?"
"I'm fine, woman. I thought you would be at Vaughn and Olga's until late."
"Yes, I did, too. But I was tired and I think they were content to call it a night. I had time to bathe and get ready for bed already."
"I wish I was there with you," he murmured.
His soft confession broke her last defenses, and she began to sob into the phone. She tried to tell him what she was feeling, but he could not understand what she was saying and he became agitated, worried that something far more serious was afoot.
"Jess, please, take a big breath in and let it out. I need to be able to understand what you are saying. You are scaring me."
She did not want to frighten him, so she did her best to slow her tears, as she began to breathe, hearing him join her, trying to coach her to calm down. He could soothe her so well. She started to imagine his arms around her, and although the tears threatened to overwhelm her again at the thought, she pushed them away and focused on his voice in her ear that she could hear right now and she knew he would hold her soon.
Once she got under control, she started to speak, telling him everything in a rush.
"Seth, I feel so homesick. I don't recall ever feeling homesick before, I've been lonesome for you, but I think that it's even harder now knowing what we have and being away from you. My chest aches and I feel sad and lonely, and I just want to be with you and Morag. I want to come home."
"Jess, you will be home soon. Try to relax. We are both here and we miss you, but you will be home in less than forty-eight hours."
"I know. Is Morag alright?"
"Just fine, Jess. She misses you though."
"How can you tell?"
"She stands at the front door and whines."
"Often?"
"Often enough. But…well, I might have let her on the bed this week, so that she can settle down each night."
"Oh, Seth! You didn't! And here I thought I was the softie."
"Well, I wanted her to feel comforted…and I might have needed to feel a bit of comfort, too. I know we don't live here, but the bed feels too big without you."
"Oh, Seth, I love you so much."
"And I, you."
There was a long pause, as they were both lost in their thoughts. Seth waited to see if Jess would continue and when she didn't, he decided to push.
"Now, tell me what you aren't telling me."
"Hmm?"
"There is more that you aren't telling me. I know you. You have told me what has made you sad and lonely and I have shared that I feel the same way. But there is something that is worrying you. What is it?"
She swallowed. She wanted to tell him. She needed to tell him. But it was difficult.
"You remember there is a party tomorrow night at Buckley House?"
"Yes, it's the last event before you come home."
"Yes. Well, as Vaughn walked me to the taxi tonight, he mentioned that a man would be picking me up at my hotel tomorrow night to escort me to the party."
"I see."
Two words, yet she knew there were a flurry of thoughts behind them.
"Olga had asked me about you during dinner and while I had mentioned that we were spending more and more time together, I held back from sharing too much. You know how I feel about sharing private matters, even with friends."
"I do recall."
"Well, I realized it was time to be more transparent. I told him in no uncertain terms that we were in a committed, monogamous relationship and that it would not be appropriate for me to attend any event with a single man."
"You did?" He sounded surprised, but there was something in his voice that sounded like relief, too.
"Yes, I did. It was uncomfortable, but if you can't attend with me, I won't be escorted anymore. I won't go to an event if it comes to that."
"I imagine he didn't like it though and you were uncomfortable."
"Yes."
"Thank you," Seth said.
"For what?"
"For knowing that I would be jealous…and hurt…and saying no for my benefit," he whispered. Why was it easier to admit a fault like jealousy, rather than a vulnerability like feeling hurt?
"It's for my benefit, too. I meant what I said. We are in a committed, monogamous relationship and I don't ever want to be escorted by anyone but you again. Not only that, but I don't want you to have to wonder if I am faithful to you."
"I don't, woman. I trust you."
"I'm glad. And I trust you. But as I expect you to be faithful to me, I want to keep us on equal footing."
"Thank you," he whispered, once more.
"Of course."
"It's getting late, Jess. I think you should try to sleep."
"I suppose you are right. Please tell Morag goodnight."
"She is right by my chest on the bed. She heard your voice a few minutes ago and has been trying to get closer and closer to the phone."
"Oh, she is a sweetheart. And you are too, my love."
When they disconnected, they both felt the loss of each other. It would be another long night.
A/N: One more chapter plus an epilogue left. Thank you for all the reviews. Please keep them coming. I am delighted to hear that people love Morag, as I do.