Sunday, Sept 4, 2022- 34 weeks

"We won't be gone too long, just getting Ava some new clothes," Penny reminds Leonard and me before she and Amy exit my former apartment. Two women and a toddler going to the mall on a holiday weekend. They'll be gone for hours.

It's not often Leonard and I get time together, just the two of us. He's firing up the video games, wanting to make the most of our afternoon. "Howard said to let him know when we're ready so he and Raj can log in to play." Just like during the lockdowns: we'd log in at the same time to play for an hour or so before the games would fall by the wayside and we'd spend the evening talking.

"I killed Sheldon!" squeals Koothrappali's voice over my headset. I slip my headset from my ears, resting it around my neck, and drop my controller in my lap.

Watching the screen, my friends continue their game until they each die, one by one until only Wolowitz is left standing. "Sheldon. We're playing another round. You ready?" Leonard asks. I don't respond quick enough for his liking and he tells our friends, "I guess he's sitting this one out."

Despite not having the headset on my ears, I can still hear the chatter coming through. It doesn't take long for everyone to die again. "Sheldon?" Howard's voice calls through my discarded headset.

"What?" I pull the earpiece up to clearly hear his question.

Leonard is the one who responds, "Is everything okay? You seem kinda out of it."

Leonard is my best friend. He's reminded me multiple times since we announced Amy was pregnant that I can talk to him about anything. I quietly mumble what's been on my mind for weeks. "I don't know if I can do this."

"We play all the time, of course, you can do this," Raj encourages me from across town.

Leonard stares at me for a minute before realizing what I'm referring to. "He's talking about the video games, guys. I think I know what the problem might be," he says into the microphone next to his mouth. "I'll let you know if we start playing again." He reaches for the remote, clicking the television off. "You wanna talk about it? Or should I call Amy for you?"

I don't know what's come over me all of a sudden. Sure, I've had the occasional doubts about this, but those feelings have never been as intense as they've been since I watched Leonard say goodbye to his daughter before she left with our wives. He helped her put her shoes on the correct feet, adjusted the socks that were sliding off, and helped her with using the facilities while Penny finished getting ready to leave. All the things I'll be doing with my son in a matter of months. Leonard is a natural at being a father. There are very few things in the world that I have failed at; it's just a matter of time before I add fatherhood to that list.

"What if he's like me? What if he never has any friends and his classmates make fun of him all the time?" My thoughts come spewing out before I process what I'm saying.

Leonard's face lights up as a grin spreads across it, "He? It's a boy?"

Amy was the one who suggested not sharing what we're having with our friends. Despite it being her idea, I was sure she would be the one to spill the beans. "Please don't tell Penny or anyone that you know. It's only six more weeks."

"You've got nothing to worry about," he nudges his knee against mine. "As for the other stuff, your kid is going to be brilliant if he's anything like his parents. As for thinking he won't have any friends, you're wrong."

I turn to look at him, "How do you know?"

"Sheldon, he's going to grow up the greatest friends a kid could ask for from the day he's born. You've seen how Ava is when she's around Amy, pointing at her stomach and asking about the baby. Halley and Michael are looking forward to having a new playmate, too. After the crap we all put up with growing up, we won't be letting our kids treat each other that way. No matter what, he's going to have at least three friends."

"Okay, so he'll have friends," I relent. "I'm about to be responsible for another life. He is going to rely on Amy and me for everything. How am I supposed to know what he needs? What about when he gets older and I have to keep him entertained?"

Leonard walks across the room, retrieves two bottles of water from the refrigerator, and hands me one before sitting next to me again. "You'll know. I don't know how, but you'll know what he needs. I had the same concerns when Ava was born. The first time I held her when she was crying, I just knew what she needed. She's had me wrapped around her little finger ever since. Have you talked to Amy about this?"

I quickly shake my head, "I was the one who wanted to start a family. I can't let her know I'm having second thoughts, especially when we're just weeks away from her due date."

"Talk to her. I'd be surprised if she hasn't had a few nerves about becoming a mother. The two of you are the smartest people I know. You're overthinking this." Leonard will always be better at this than me. He's said since the day we shared Amy's pregnancy that I can come to him with anything. We've had our ups and downs, but I will never not need Leonard in my life.

Suddenly the door to the apartment flies open, with Ava being the first one through the door, "Daddy!"

"Hi, kiddo," Leonard holds his arms out as his daughter flings herself at him. "Did you pick lots of pretty clothes?"

Ava nods as we notice the large bags falling from Penny's arms. "The mall was surprisingly not as bad as I was expecting. What'd you guys do?" She inquires.

"We started video games with the guys, but got distracted talking after Koothrappali killed me," I volunteer. "Do you want to stay for dinner or head home, Amy?"

My wife shrugs, "Whatever is fine with me."

We stay for dinner, leaving only when Penny tells Ava it's time for her bath. The girls took over the conversation during dinner, allowing my panicked moment while they were gone to not be mentioned. Amy talks about her shopping trip with Penny and Ava on the drive home. She finds a snack before relaxing on the couch when we get home and is reaching for the remote from the coffee table when I stop her. "I think I need to talk to you about what happened this afternoon."

"What are you talking about?" Her eyes seem to soften while resting her hand against the top of her stomach.

I momentarily watch her rub the spot, asking, "Is he moving a lot tonight?" She nods and I reach out to feel our son move beneath her shirt.

"I panicked while I was with Leonard that I was going to be a bad father and that I wouldn't know what to do. We talked and I was feeling a lot better, but he said I should let you know and that you're probably nervous, too." I admit. Amy's quiet while she processes what I've just shared.

Amy places her hand over mine, still resting on her stomach. "Of course, I'm nervous and a little scared, but do you feel that?" The baby moves under my fingers, "While we are going to be first-time parents, he's going to be a first-time human. That sounds weird. What I mean is,"

"What you mean is that we'll figure it out together," I interject, paraphrasing what I said the night of Amy's birthday over six years ago. "The three of us."

"Yes. The three of us are in this together, each day will be something new that we'll figure out together. It's okay to be scared, Sheldon. I'm sure he's going to be terrified; he's going from a nice warm, safe dark space to a cold, loud, overstimulating world." Amy grows quiet and I remove my hand from her stomach. "I know you don't care to talk about your feelings, but would you be okay if we check in with one another about this, especially as my due date grows closer?"

She's right, I don't care to talk about my feelings. It would be better to speak with her regularly than let these feelings fester until they reach a boiling point and bubble to the surface like they did with Leonard this afternoon. I'd been so concerned for Amy and her well-being that I let my own feelings fall by the wayside, "Okay. Regular check-ins about any concerns, both now and after the baby is born."

"You know, we've got a little over five weeks until my due date. We might want to figure out what we're going to name him."

Emails still aren't working :(